Time for another week. What madness-inducing stupidity will Bores bring this time?
Monday’s video is a Punch-Out Let’s Play. That was fast, after the last two Let’s Plays I thought it would at least be another week.
Wait, Part 1? Oooooooh nooooo…
- Another style change? He’s now sitting in front of his green screen with the game’s title screen behind him. That seems unnecessary.
He mentions the two versions, goes over why the Mr. Dream one exists, claims he didn’t bring it up because it would “break the flow”. Right, Mr. Family Guy Cutaway knows exactly about flow. In the same video that had a montage that ran for nearly two minutes.
- So another aspect of this style change is to forgo “face cam” entirely and just have his upper body take up half the screen. I’m now reminded of a few terrible Twitch streamers that would have their face cam take up most of the screen while the game is in the corner. Usually from “titty streams”. How did he think this was a good idea?
- Blah blah blah iconic popular blah blah blah
Hold up! At around 1:38 he lifts his right hand up while Little Mac throws a punch. Is… he talking over pre-recorded footage while pretending to play? That’s not how post-commentary works Bores.
- Lot of pointless stuff… most of it is repeating what he said in the review.
- He believes part of the appeal of the game was the “iconic characters”. Instead of the more reasonable appeal of great controls and gameplay but what do I know game design?
- He mentions the Arcade version. “I don’t know which came first”. God damn it… The Arcade version came first! Came out in 1983 in Japan and the following year everywhere else. The first NES version came out in 1987.
“I don’t think they had all the same fighters”. They didn’t. The Arcade version had Piston Hurricane (who is different from Piston Honda), Kid Quick, and what’s probably the most stereotypical Punch-Out character, Pizza Pasta (makes Mario look downright subtle).
- Brings up his mispronunciation of Von Kaiser. “It’s one of those to-mayto to-mahto things” NO IT’S NOT! Kaiser has a very specific pronunciation! Don’t be stupid! In fact, I remember he got Ninja Gaiden wrong before, in his E3 videos. Then he got it right afterwards.
- Man… he is terrible at this game. Von Kaiser has a really obvious tell and he somehow gets hit.
- He skips ahead… *sighs*
- Still sucks against Piston Honda
- Skips ahead again to show Mac and Louis training to the password. Notice that he’s in the middle of the Piston Honda fight then it cuts to that. Making it pretty obvious that he’s not actually playing and this is pre-recorded. There’s nothing wrong with post-commentary Let’s Plays, many of the great Something Awful LPs use that. But they don’t pretend that they’re playing the game at the same time.
- He somehow has to clarify that there is no McDonalds in the game. No duh. Then again… his fans really are that stupid.
Wednesday’s video is Part 2 of the Punch-Out LP.
Thankfully this seems to be the last one as the description says “second half”. You’re probably wondering why he couldn’t just make one video instead of two. … Milking for views. It’s the DSP way!
- Onto the Major Circuit and Don Flamenco. He also mentions how he got his name wrong too.
“I don’t even know the correct pronunciation” Wow… you’re dumb. It’s flippin’ obvious. It’s not even a hard word. Surely you know what a Flamenco dance is right? Are you that deep in your bubble?
Again, he claims that’s how he said it as a kid. Well guess what, it was wrong. We were all dumb as kids, but we grow up. I used to call Spider-Man “Bitsy-Boo”, but I stopped because I learned. I don’t get something wrong and try to claim “well that’s how I used to say it so shut up”
- He claims Punch-Out is the “perfect game” to review. … It’s not a bad game Chris, how the fuck is it “perfect”?
“It’s a rare thing to find” No it isn’t. Are you high right now?
Oh… “scrap things together to nitpick”. So apparently, Chris can’t review games now unless it’s complete nitpicking. Maybe I’m the one who’s high because that sounds batshit insane!
Chris, is this really how you want to conduct yourself? Pointless nitpicking of great games? Why would anyone want to watch that? … Oh my god he really has become his parodies. I don’t think Third Rate Gamer could parody him now if ever came out of retirement.
At this point, nitpicking is probably all he can do as it’s clear he actually knows nothing about video games, and any attempt at serious analysis would be impossible for him.
- By the way, he gets knocked out by Don Flamenco… TWICE! Hooooow?
“I’m not playing that well because I’m talking to the camera” You’re not even playing. It’s so obvious that you’re not.
So he skips ahead… again…
- Oh goody, King Hippo. Can’t wait to hear more idiocy about how Captain N was amazing. Oh, another thing I should mention in these videos is that he keeps using the word “iconic” over and over again. Maybe he could get a job at Ubisoft considering how often they misuse that word. Oh wait they would probably see that one video, never mind.
- “Everyone I knew watched it” And it was shit. Notice how Bores neglects this. I imagine if he tried to rewatch it, he would realize his childhood was a lie, and he can’t have that. Then again his entire career is a lie so what do I know?
- Beats King Hippo… moves on to Great Tiger. At least he says it right, doesn’t add a pointless “The”
He mentions something about racing to knock him out. Says it can’t be done in the first round *looks at speed runs that do that* Right…
- Suddenly skips to Bald Bull. It was abrupt too, no warning.
Hold on! He gets hit, but he doesn’t lose health. That explains the abrupt cut, he probably went to get his Game Genie.
And he keeps getting hit and not losing health. Did anyone in the comments even notice?!
- Then he abruptly skips to the World Circuit and fighting Piston Honda Two. Only on the 3rd round. Why skip the first two?
“He was impossible... FOR ME” I love how abruptly he adds that. Because he knew people gave him shit.
- He pretty much stops here. Making no attempt to even pretend he’s still controlling the game. His hands are on camera and Mac is moving. How do his fans not notice this?!
He also claims he‘s done because after Piston Honda Two he has “no real memories from childhood of the other fighters” Well, then you could have used this an excuse to actually beat the game once and for all. Don’t be lazy.
- Oh wait, it’s not completely over. He brings up the password to fight Tyson directly.
- “This is only my third Let’s Play and I’m still learning so I could use some more tips” Here’s a tip, STOP. You’re not cut out for it. You’re not good at the games you showcase, and you’re immensely boring. I feel the latter is the greater sin. Boring boring boring….
“I always like the feedback” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sure Mr. “I pose as my own mom to deflect criticism”. Sure.
I imagine Friday will be a “big” video so I’ll be covering that on Saturday. If it’s something stupid like “Sprite Fun” again, I’ll just edit this recap to mention that.