I’m almost convinced at this point that Chris has become a parody of himself. A review of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out? One of the most beloved NES games of all time? Coming after DuckTales and Kid Icarus, it feels like he’s modeling himself after the old parody videos, like Third Rate Gamer and Irritated Gamer. The difference is that Chris isn’t smart enough to pull it off.
Get your gloves on Mac, it’s showtime.
*looks at description*
“It gets reviewed in a way only Irate Gamer can review it. With anger and frustration!” Actually, that’s the feeling Punch-Out fans will have after watching this.
I noticed he updated the intro to include a clip from the last “review”. I guess he’s going to be doing that now.
0:17 - 1:27: The video begins with IG saying how everyone had the game, leading to our first dumb cutaway after saying his grandma had it. Featuring Bores in a wig and shawl and Kid Bores “Winter Gaming” the hell out of the controller. It’s sad that a woman playing Game Boy Tetris on Fresh Off the Boat was a more convincing actress, and she was only in two scenes.
He says one thing that made the game stand out was the “clever characters”, and if he couldn’t beat them, a “shitstorm” would go through his house. Leading to a lot of brown gradient effects surrounding him as he does his dumb “rawr”, and a piece of poop hits him. Why does this feel familiar?
You start in the minor leagues and work your way to Mike Tyson. He shows this by pasting all the boxer’s portraits on a Mortal Kombat tower. GET IT?! IT’S ALSO A FIGHTING GAME! I AM CLEVER!
Fighting Glass Joe… he brings up that between rounds, your coach (Doc Louis by the way, I doubt he would know this) gives you advice. He then calls him Carl Winslow while pasting a picture of Reginald VelJohnson’s face over Doc’s. Urrgh… considering his few fans tried to turn that “Carl joke” into an image macro meme, I’m not surprised he’s bringing him back.
He beats Glass Joe while making more dumb faces. Funny how he calls out Joe for making dumb faces in the game when he’s no better.
1:28 - 3:08: On to Von Kaiser, completely mispronouncing his name. It’s Ky-zer, not Kay-zer. Why do people think “Ai” is pronounced “Ay”? It’s the same shit with “Ninja Gay-den”
He claims Von Kaiser “marches in like he won the second world war” and gets angry. Rather, “competitive” as he claims. Oh and we get a between round scene where Bores has replaced Little Mac. This feels so wrong. He also adds fake text of Doc telling him to “take it easy”
“You’re going down Von Kay-zer!” GAH!
He moves onto Piston Honda. Leading to a long sequence where he tries to fight him but is having trouble. With way too much over-acting and “Winter Gaming”. I’m starting to think he’s trying to appeal to the PewDiePie/Markiplier audience with this.
Eventually he does beat him and we see the password screen with Doc biking and Mac running after (I am not making that joke). He comments that Doc should be the one running… why? Oh, it’s a fat joke because they head to a McDonalds that he imposed into the game… THIS IS DUMB! Also, cycling is actually better exercise than running. Doc may be a big guy, but he can easily keep up with Mac.
3:09 - 6:33: Onto the Major Circuit and Don Flamenco, though he says “Flamingo”. There’s a C in there, like a Flamenco dance. Now I’m just reminded of all the people that get Doflamingo’s name wrong…
He insults him for dancing and then wonders why he won’t throw the first punch. “What is he, a lawyer?” What was that, a joke?
He somehow has trouble with him (he gets hit and knocked out!), he eventually knocks him out. But then he angrily cries that he “falls like a prancing asshole”. Chris… everyone falls in a similar way! In fact, that’s the same way Glass Joe falls. The Wonderful 101’s Punch-Out boss even did that! You need to stop fishing for things to complain about, especially when it shows how little you actually know about the game.
He somehow runs out of stamina when fighting him (how is he sucking so bad?) but eventually gets a TKO. With a dumb bit where he cycles his falling animation.
On to King Hippo. IG claims he’s the coolest because of… his “iconic” part in… Captain N. God damn it, enough of this! Captain N is crap! Nobody likes it! You are so full of it Bores! You’re only supporting my theory! Gah!
Also, King Hippo isn’t even close to the “coolest” character in Punch-Out. Personally I feel Bald Bull is the coolest.
He calls King Hippo an “oversized Oompa Loompa” … he looks nothing like one! Then says “Taylor Swift victory”. What? What does that mean? Is this his attempt at appealing to young people?
Onto Great Tiger. Mentions his childhood (suuure), how he had trouble, blah blah blah. Leading to another long sequence where he gets his ass kicked. With more overacting and “Winter Gaming”. Then a bit where Great Tiger teleports into his room and punches him twice. He eventually beats him, then a bit where Doc Louis leaves Mac to be Great Tiger’s coach. Bores goes “What the fuuuuck?” in a high-pitched voice that I’m sure some 10 year olds would find hilarious.
Also, he keeps calling him “The Great Tiger”. It’s just Great Tiger, there’s no “The” in his name. According to my informant, who went through the comments, all these weird mispronunciations or misnamings are due to “old habits”. Well guess what Chris, you’re not 8 anymore. Learn how the names are said and get them right so you don’t sound like a complete moron.
Onto Bald Bull, including a bit where he gets hit and Little Mac flies out of the screen and through his wall. Twice! Ugh.
He loses by decision and Bald Bull laughs. He notices that it’s similar to Ganon’s laugh in Zelda II, and believes that Bald Bull is Ganon in disguise. OR MAYBE Nintendo had a limited number of sound effects at their disposal and chose that. This feels like his dumb complaint that Contra Force “stole” sound effects from Top Gun even though both games were made by Konami.
Oh I forgot to mention that he’s been giving “tips” on how to win, stuff you can find on other, better videos or GameFAQs. He also does the “Bald Bull hits Little Mac out of the TV” gag THREE MORE TIMES! This isn’t funny!
6:34 - 9:30: Onto the World Championship!
Piston Honda again, with IG thinking he will be easy but somehow he gets his ass kicked. His “Winter Gaming” is absolutely dreadful. It looks like he’s barely holding the controller now. He gets pissed that the only advice from Doc is to join the Nintendo Fun Club. “How is that supposed to help me?” The Nintendo Fun Club did offer tips & tricks. Perhaps they had tips on how to beat certain bosses.
He loses by TKO (it looks like he’s not even trying) and emulates Little Mac’s game over pose. Leading to a fucking montage. Just what I wanted!
One clip includes him chugging an energy drink while he holds the controller in his right hand. No no no no no! If anything that will make you lose to Glass Joe.
More “Winter Gaming”, generic montage shots (weight lifting, protein shake, stairs, punching bag), oh hey he has a copy of the Nintendo Fun Club newsletter, how much did that set you back? See, Doc Louis’ advice was helpful.
At one point he lifts with NES cartridges (that is stupid) and… plays with two controllers in his hands and one in his mouth. That is beyond stupid, you are not Roronoa Zoro, where is the humor in this?! My head…
One recurring bit includes him trying to spin a Gyromite gyro, one part has him shooting Great Tiger with fake blood effect. I swear, this fight footage is the exact same that we saw before. At one point he swings a sword. How is any of this supposed to help?!
If that sounds like a lot, that’s because this fucking montage goes for almost two minutes (1:50 to be exact). That is way too long!
So did it pay off? Nope, he still gets his ass kicked by Piston Honda Two. Leading him to shove his face in the camera and scream “fuuuuck”. I think that one shot just convinced me he really is trying to get the PewDiePie audience.
9:30 - 10:20: He claims at this point it gets “impossible” and briefly goes over the opponents that follow once you beat Piston Honda Two. Soda Popinski, Don Flamenco Two, Mr. Sandman, for some reason he skips Bald Bull Two. I get the feeling he took the footage of those last three considering how briefly he talks about them. Finally onto Super Macho Man (and yes there is a picture of Macho Man Randy Savage because he is that predictable).
“The one that would rip your head off your shoulders if this game was created on the Sega Genesis” … What the fuck does that mean? Was that supposed to be a Mortal Kombat reference in how the Genesis version wasn’t censored while the SNES version was? I… what?
He skips over Super Macho Man (because I doubt he beat him) and gets to Mike Tyson (likely through the password).
“One punch from this guy and you’ll be eating that wrestling mat” Boxing ring. You’re boxing. There is a difference. I’m reminded of his random reviewing of Ring King after talking about two wrestling games. Does he not understand the differences?
There’s a weird part where it cuts to IG, he throws his controller down and instead of saying the next line, he dubs it over. This video overall is weird.
The video ends with IG mentioning finger speed, claiming he doesn’t know what that is but brings it up because Mike Tyson says it after you beat him. Well, you play the game with your fingers, and the goal of Punch-Out is to outmaneuver your opponent by being fast. How do you not know what that means? It’s obvious.
He cries that he spent hours on the game as a kid (suuure) and that the ending is Mike Tyson congratulating him. Oh look, more bitching about endings. This is tiresome.
“Well finger speed this asswipe!” … I got nothing.
He violently takes the cartridge out of his NES, notice that it wasn’t even on. Makes me wonder how he even played.
Then… slow-motion as he throws the cartridge at his punching bag and it splits in half. You know, for someone that claims to love this game, you don’t show it. This is why people think you hate all these games Chris, because you physically destroy them. How stupid are you?
JEEZ, that face he makes is terrifying!
Then the Gyromite gyro keeps spinning… oh it’s an Inception parody. Why? What’s the point? Where is the logic? Enough of the Family Guy crap.
Oh in case you didn’t know it was an Inception parody, Bores outright tells you in the ‘plz subscreebe” ending.
… What the fuck did I just watch?!
You know, I might take back the idea he’s trying to model himself after the parody videos, and lean more towards shitty clickbait. Think about it, he’s covering games people love under his so called “character” as he believes that will get people to click, his spastic overreactions resemble popular facecam Let’s Players, random references to popular media (last time was 50 Shades of Grey, this time Taylor Swift), and the thumbnail for each review has Bores in the same pose, “rawring” at the game. And yeah, it’s not a pretty expression.
I am surprised that he didn’t go whole hog and tried to make it a “SCANDAL” video over the second version of Punch-Out, with Tyson replaced by Mr. Dream, and how all the Virtual Console releases used the Mr. Dream version. Maybe he doesn’t know about Mr. Dream.
Only Bores could take the accomplishment of beating Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out, and make it sound like a bad thing. He is so full of crap.
So much reaching, so much stupidity.
We shall see what Monday brings.