Monday, November 30, 2015

Catching Up with Shitty Tech and Suspicious Skylanders

*stretches* Hey everyone. Did my American readers have a nice Thanksgiving?
But now that it’s all over, I better get back to Bores. Got quite a bit to catch up on.

I kind of pulled the trigger on making a post about his AssCreed Art Book video as he posted another video on Tuesday. More shitty tech reviews! At least the title indicates that this shouldn’t be another “Herp derp review dun gone wrong herp”
Wow! So many dislikes. Looks like that’s a clue Chris.

First item is a Power Bank from Lumsing.
Nothing interesting about it. He thinks it has a better battery than the last Power Bank he reviewed. You think, or you know? Maybe you should try testing them out?
“When I do lectures” and he shows a picture from his stupid ghost hunting lecture back at that convention in October. We haven’t even begun the desperation train.

Next is a record player. I know that there are people that still listen to vinyl, it’s a better sound I get that. But Bores is not an audiophile, why the hell would he talk about this?
“There’s a feature where you can turn it off and on” Wow, so this is why people subscribe to him. I never knew you could turn a record player off AND on. Fascinating. …… PFFFFFFFFFFF
His impression of the fans demanding to see it in action is really awkward. I think he’s trying to be like a spoiled kid or something?
So the record he decides to showcase? A Smurfs record. … You know, a bunch of annoying blue dwarves would not be my first choice to demonstrate a record player. I would choose some classic rock like The Who or The Rolling Stones, a band that would benefit from vinyl. But no, we get stupid shit.
He forgets to plug it in, then he does, then he plays it, it’s annoying, and he decides to never play it again. Yep, stupid shit. That was the whole reason to do Smurfs, to do a stupid joke. You know, I was looking in the description and the Category is listed as “Gaming”. Nothing in this video has to do with gaming. What the hell?

Last item is a drone. Rather a remote control Quadcopter. Thiiiis is going to be awkward.
Blah blah blah, made of plastic, camera, battery sucks (oh hey, something useful)
“There is a learning curve to learning how to fly this” … You sure you script yourself?
Blah blah blah blah blah

Then a summary. Pointless video, glad it has more dislikes than likes, stop reviewing tech companies send you, nobody cares.

Say Chris, did you do what I suggested and buy a PS4 or Xbone on Black Friday? No? You’re going to post a video instead?
Yeah, a Black Friday “deal” for his fans. If you buy Ghost Hunting 2.0, not only do you get Irate Gamer Volume 1, but you also get another Irate Gamer DVD of your choosing, both for free. I told you the desperation train hasn’t even begun.
Chris, do you not understand your audience? Do you really think that the people that care about your gaming videos give a shit about your ghost passion? The views don’t reflect that. The update video about that convention you attended has less views than the tech reviews and Skylanders spam. Perhaps you should start a third channel for all this ghost stuff. For the five people that actually care.

On another note, it seems Chris is trying Buzzfeed tactics to sell his book now. My informant saw his Amazon page recently and noticed he added a keyword to the description to try and move copies. “Controversial”. With choice quotes like “The Most Controversial Ghost Hunting Book in Years” and “Ghost Hunting 2.0 presents a highly controversial but effective new approach to ghost hunting”
… What’s controversial about it? Has there been a major outcry to it? Is there something about the convention you haven’t told us? As far as I know, the only “controversy” is the negative Amazon reviews, the positive reviews you clearly paid for, and all the stuff I’ve said on here. It sounds like he’s trying sensationalist tactics to trick people into buying it, much like clickbait articles. The desperation train just keeps rolling!

Also, Shaolin Dave noticed that the official listing price on Amazon was $169.99, but has been reduced 93% to $11.14. … Did Chris mistype? Did he mean to list it at $16.99 but added another 9 by accident? Even Chris can’t be dense enough to think he can sell this for $170.

Say, how about that GotGame? Chris hasn’t posted there for months, and I suspect he got fired. Last thing he posted was his Donkey Kong review back in July, and the last “original” content was an article about the R.O.B. amiibo prototype. However, Bores says differently.
Matt Cooper AKA Versain TV asked Bores if he’s still part of GotGame. Bores replied “yep” but then claims he hasn’t posted anything there for a couple months because he’s been “busy”. Ah yes, that excuse again. Matt was nice enough to get a screencap of the comment and post it here:
I suspect there’s more at play. He claimed was too “busy” for E3, and he’s claiming he’s too “busy” to even post content on the site. It sounds like he just wants to save face and not admit that he’s been let go. Maybe he hasn’t, GotGame still has him listed on the site. If he was fired, they would remove all (or most) traces of him. Still, the fact Bores doesn’t have a new console speaks volumes of his crumbling relationship with Got(No)Game.
Once again, thank you Matt for finding this.

Today, on November 30th 2015, Bores posted yet another fucking Skylanders video. My informant watched it and told me there was a really pointless face cam moment. I checked it out and yeah I saw it. At the end of the video, he actually promoted his side channel “TheSkylanderC”, the one he abandoned ages ago. I thought that was weird. So, I went to the channel and saw he posted SEVEN videos around 5 days ago. All really short, and all very similar (Chris talks about a figure, then shows gameplay with face cam). For the record, all the gameplay is recorded by pointing a camera at his TV, just like all the other modern game reviews as of late. He’s claimed before that he did this for Super Smash Bros and Splatoon to avoid Nintendo’s content ID bot, but they don’t own Skylanders, meaning the reality is that CHRIS IS LAZY!

However, there’s something else odd about these videos. The views… they’re rather high. Only posted 5 days ago and they each have over 3k views a piece. That’s impressive when the videos he posted four months ago managed to only get over 600. In fact, these views are consistent… too consistent.

Notice how they’re all in the range of 3200-3400 (minus the one posted four months ago). There’s no way he got that many views in 5 days, and there’s no way that the video he just posted on his channel (3-4 hours ago as of this writing) managed to attract that many hits. Especially when the video itself is barely scraping 300.
… I’m suspecting view bots are being used. Various scripts that one can use to abuse the YouTube system and gain more views. It’s not hard to learn, but it’s incredibly unethical. You could call this the last stop on the desperation train, but I get the feeling it’s going to keep rolling for a while. Good lord Chris, this is why you should have listened to all the criticism. You’re now reduced to cheating YouTube. You’re no better than LifeInATent, who got caught and suspended from the site. Hell, he also made an insensitive video about death (“Thumbs up this video for epic earthquake”/Leonard Nimoy died, give me subscribers)

Will you listen to anyone? Are you just going to stay stuck in your bubble with your fingers in your ears? You have no connections, you burned so many bridges (Guru Larry for instance), what is your plan? Do you really think ghosts will take off again? Are you betting on the upcoming Ghostbusters movie to make them “popular” like the original? Which would be ironic considering your first reaction to the cast was “I wanna jump off a building now”.

It’s just getting sad. *munches popcorn* It's a good trainwreck though.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Book Adaptations are a Poor Substitute for the Actual Game

Seems there was a video posted yesterday, on a Monday. Bores should change his banner to "New Videos whenever the fuck I feel like it you little shits".

He's finally reviewing an Assassin's Creed game! Oh wait, false alarm, he's actually reviewing an Assassin's Creed art book. Bores, this is just sad now. You can't just rely on books to keep up with the latest games, you need a PS4 and Xbone. It's been two years, it's clear that GotGame cut you off (yet they still consider him an employee as he's listed under "contributors"), you have to go out and get it yourself. Look, we're coming up to Black Friday. Instead of waiting in line for some stupid Skylanders, maybe you should look into getting a $300 console bundle.

There's also a second Arkham Knight book he "reviewed" on his site, but it's barely a review, it's more like a preview. It includes great lines like "I’ve always enjoyed the Riddlers as a batman villain and this story line does the “riddle me this” villain justice." and "The book starts off kind of slow to the point where I start worrying if the puzzles would be too complicated to understand in book form."

 Anyway, the video itself.

"HAPPY THANKSGIVING GUYS" Whoa, what's with the echo? Did Bores forget to check his microphone and sound settings? Usually he's better about that...
 "It's review week at the Irate Gamer channel" ... Isn't every week supposed to be review week? What does that mean? 
The echo disappears when the camera focuses on the inside. It's another video where he proceeds to the show the entire book, say certain pages are cool, and spoil it for anyone that was possibly interested in it. 
He shows some dynamite, and comments "This isn't Minecraft" and chuckles to himself. ... You're an idiot.
"I'm still working my way through Assassin's Creed III" I don't believe you.
"An interesting Christmas present for the gamer" Pretty sure they would prefer actual games, not art books.
He gushes in awe how games have advanced since Donkey Kong, then he plugs his review of it. You have no shame at all do you?
At one point, he mispronounces Thames. Here's a video on how to pronounce it correctly. Watch it Bores.
What is even the point of these art book videos? All he does is say "these look cool". Who is the audience for this? Oh wait I know, Chris himself because he's a self-indulgent narcissist.

That was pointless.

In Ghost Hunting 2.0 news, a few days ago the book was free for Kindle users for a brief time. Bores decided to take advantage of this by SPAMMING THE FUCK OUT OF TWITTER!

Holy shit Chris! The desperation is real!

It's clear that the book isn't selling despite what he claims. Someone doing well wouldn't resort to spamming various authors telling them it's free.
His targets don't even make sense either. All the tweets about the "real love story" are directed to romance authors. Why they fuck do you think a romance author would be interested in your egotistical wank of a biography? Do you even know what you're doing?

Thursday, November 19, 2015

What is a Bores? A Miserable Little Pile of Terrible Videos

It’s Thursday and there’s a new video up. Why did Chris even bother with the schedule anyway?
It’s another regular IG review, and the title tells me it’s going to HURT.
He’s going to look at Castlevania! *breathes deeply* Trying to hold in all the f-bombs.
You guys in the comments noted multiple times that Chris is likely doing a theme with these recent reviews, featuring games that were prominent in Captain N. I’ve gone over my Captain N theory multiple times, but you guys might be on to something. His “comeback” has seen videos about Kid Icarus, Punch-Out, Mega Man, and Donkey Kong, all games that had significant appearances on Captain N. Possibly a coincidence, but considering my theory, it meshes together fairly well.

There was also his promise to review Castlevania aaaaallllll the way back in his “Top 5 NES Games” in….. *searches* 2008?! Holy hell Chris, you are just terrible at promises. I don’t see his promised Deadly Towers or Simpsons NES reviews happening (those are legit bad games, and we can’t have that for some asinine reason).
How bad could this possib- 11:48 LONG?! Oooooh noooooo. *breathes deeply* I can do this.

Let’s look at the description.
“This time taking a look at the classic video game, Castlevania. This is the #1 fan requested video game for me to review!” Oh that is bullshit! No, the actual #1 game is probably something really bad. You know, what you’re supposed to be doing. Don’t fucking lie to us and claim THIS is the game people wanted to see. I still remember when you did Neo reviews on a “consistent” basis and people were demanding Minecraft and Call of Duty, but you didn’t deliver and instead gave us the 3-in-1, which you claim were all fan requests (I severely doubt they requested Brutal Legend and Tekken 6). Why do you think you can keep getting away with lies Chris?
“Now its here. Contains some classic homages to Scooby Doo.” I remember when my informant showed me a Facebook post where he mentioned a Scooby Doo montage. I knew even before the game was revealed that this was going to hurt.
“Let's montage this b****!” Ugggh… Also, you can say “bitch” uncensored. It can be used in PG rated movies without any trouble. I can understand censoring “fuck”, but this just feels like you’re trying to appeal to overly-protective parents. Doesn’t make sense when you curse uncensored in the videos.

For some reason he reuses the weird “Parapper the Rapper free since 2007” joke he used in the last video description. Either that’s a new catchphrase (I don’t get it) or he was so lazy that he just copy pasted it and only changed a few things.

*takes a swig of vampire blood* I’m ready.

0:00 - 0:49: We open outside Dracula’s castle as seen in the game. Then we see IG and Ronnie running in and SON OF A BITCH! This is just that “NES Sprite Fun” video he made back in April. It’s exact! I knew Chris was lazy before but damn! The only change is the ending with IG screaming “Damn you Castlevania!”

*intro here*

1:06 - 1:42: Video begins, calls it “iconic”, mentions killing vampires plural (again, Dracula is the only vampire in the first game, unless you stretch it and say all the bats are Vampire bats)
He brings up you can get a fully upgraded whip at the start, leading to a dumb joke involving “Cool Whip” (barely starting and we’re already knee deep in stupid). Then he mentions that dying will make you lose all these (No shit!)

Down to the normal whip, he then says he can’t even “Whip some Nae Nae”, leading to Simon Belmont singing “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)”. Holy fuck! Wow, talk about terrible pandering. Chris, you just turned what, 37? You’re way too old to be making these jokes, you come off like a grandparent. Hell, I’m only 25 and I feel I’m too old to be making those jokes. Not that I would, that song is terrible. I don’t think you know what the “Nae Nae” is considering how you used it. Only shows how out of touch you are.
Also, I sense a content ID hit on this video. Does Chris intend to include all the copyrighted material featured this “season” on a possible DVD? He probably thinks he’s invincible when Toei & Saban didn’t crack down on him for using Power Rangers footage.

1:43 - 2:58:  He calls the outside a “peaceful and quiet” place, which he tries to emphasize with some classical music. Don’t cover up “Vampire Killer”, it’s a good song.
Then calls the inside a “nightmarish hell” filled with ghouls, bats, skeletons, and a really fucking awful joke. This one being “Zombie Michael Jacksons” as represented by the original version of the Dancing Zombie from “Plants vs. Zombies”. It gets worse as IG follows with “Yeah, just say away from my wiener you” *massages temple* Where do I start? First off, not cool Chris. Second, Jackson wasn’t called gay, he was accused of being a pedophile. Simon is 22 years old in the first game, that’s way over the age of consent (then again, it was 1691 so the age could have been a lot different, but that’s besides the point). Third, is this seriously the lowbrow places you’ll go? It didn’t even make sense. This retarded Family Guy crap needs to stop Chris. Do you just want an audience of seal-clapping plebeians that believe references by themselves are jokes?

After that awfulness, IG lists off the sub weapons. Ending on the Dagger, and getting killed by a Medusa Head for trying to use one on it. That had to be faked, nobody would be dumb enough to try and use the Dagger on a Medusa Head.
He calls the Dagger stupid (and somehow ends up back on the first level even though he died on the second) and wants something worthwhile. He whips a candle and gets… the TARDIS. Enough with the random references.
Another dumb list joke where Simon goes through the hallway (he calls it a living room), the water area (he calls it the dock) and the “Castle’s mancave” with a big screen TV, a Legend of Zelda poster, and a Pac-Man ghost playing a Vampire Killer remix. Uggggggggh. This isn’t funny Chris. Why do you think this is funny? Where did you learn humor?

He reaches the Phantom Bat, and shows how to beat him using the Axe. Oh hey, he finally learned the correct way to beat him. Not that idiotic “sit in the corner and chuck Holy Water at him” method he used back in the Top 5 NES Games video. He probably looked it up…
He makes a comment wondering how much Simon can bench, there’s a weird jump cut during the boss fight (look at his hearts), then mentions how you get a “bauble” for defeating him (he means the Magic Crystal). Then it cuts to IG holding a bauble and wondering what it does. That you hang on a Christmas Tree, the Magic Crystal’s purpose is to restore Simon’s health. That’s it.

2:58 - 4:37: Shows the stage transition map, comments that there’s no bathroom, and that he hopes to find a monster shaped like a toilet. Hey “Linda”, remind me how Chris doesn’t use toilet humor?
Block 2, where most new players give up thanks to the Medusa Heads.
He brings how it’s actually “Stage 4” and that it changes when you go through a door. Claiming that even though there’s only 6 “levels”, there’s possibly … 2,559 stages. I know you’re attempting a joke, but it fails when even a 4th grader can realize that doesn’t make sense.
He brings up “new challenges” like the bats (those were in the first stage Chris), chasms (also in the first stage) and the Medusa Heads. Bringing up that they knock him back or into pits. Resulting in a quick montage of him getting killed with over-the-top reactions. This seems familiar…

Then he comes to the spiked pistons, which he says are from Contra. Well, they’re both from Konami. Also, Castlevania came out first so if anything, the spiked pistons are from this game, not Contra.
He gets killed by one, remembers the same thing in Contra, and hopes to find the “Spray Gun”, prompting a scene where Simon gets the Spread Gun “S” and fires a bunch of shots at Medusa Heads. Sorry, this isn’t Super Mario Crossover.

He reaches the Queen Medusa, or as he calls her the “Head Medusa Medusa Head”, with text to make sure we got that.
He uses the Watch to defeat her. Eh, Holy Water is more effective if you ask me.
Then he gets the Magic Crystal, and we cut to him holding two baubles. I am not looking forward to where this joke is going…

4:38 - 6:03: Onto Block 3. He claims this is where “Irate Gamers” are born. Stop trying to make your name an adjective, it’s weird.
He brings up the Hunchbacks (claiming they have ADHD, charming), then the Ravens as get another mini-montage (and yes, more reactions). He brings up some weird unreachable stairs, wonders if that was meant to be a secret, then reaches an area with a chasm to the left that he wonders if it holds a secret. It doesn’t. He smartly decides to move on… but then takes a dumbass drought and jumps right off, with terrible over-the-top reaction. Sad thing is, I could totally see DSP legitimately do that.
And he makes it worse when the Dancing Zombie does the Mortal Kombat “Toasty”. That doesn’t even make sense!

He compares a bridge to the one in Goonies II, again both are Konami, and Goonies II came out afterwards, then reaches the Mummy Men boss. Calls them the last easy boss as it’s “all downhill from here” which he demonstrates by falling through his chair into what I assume is a trap door. That’s not a hill Chris.
Then we see Simon taking the plunge from Block 3 to Block 4, with Bores overextending it because of course, and then we see IG falling as well because of that last bit. At least he’s halfway done with the game.

6:03 - 7:35: Block 4. IG falls into the water after Simon lands. That’s the payoff…
He progresses through the level, complains about the “swamp monsters” (he means the Fishmen), the low ceilings, the Skele-Dragons and finally reaches the boss, “Frankenstein”. I would point out how that’s wrong, but apparently Konami got that wrong too as he in the first game he’s referred to as Frankenstein. Later games call him The Creature.
He then gets pissed at Igor (but doesn’t refer to him as that) as he can take away a large chunk of health. “ONE-THIRD?!” he yells with that god damn music sting.
Another mini-montage, more over-the-top blah, and IG ends up reduced to tears. Ah, that must be Chris after seeing the views and ratings of his Skylanders flood.
This prompts… Devil Bores. Well, haven’t seen you in a while. What was the last appearance, the end of the “movie”? Let’s see what stupid shit you have now.
He’ll beat the boss for IG’s soul, with a “money back guarantee” (zzzzzz). Devil Bores tries to beat him, but fails multiple times. With a bunch of pointless bleeps where cursing should be. Does the footage seem off to anyone else? It feels like a quality shift… could just be my internet connection.

7:35 - 9:08: IG eventually beats him and moves onto Block 5. He says to bring “clean pants” as you’ll crap yourself over how much damage enemies do now. Once again “Linda”, explain.
“Four hits equals instant death” … Pretty sure “instant” means one hit. I know this is my second DSP comparison but “instant death” is something he says all the time, even when it’s not “instant”. What is it with scrubs having the same attitude?

He claims that beating this game is “ungodly impossible” so … montage. Or “Let’s montage this bitch” as he says. Also, he doesn’t censor “bitch”. What’s consistency?
And so we get a montage. Starting at 7:50.
At one point it cuts to IG, Ronnie, and Devil Bores “rocking out”. With the former two using Guitar Hero/Rock Band guitars and Devil Bores flailing sticks in the air with a drumset imposed in front of him. Urgh… I thought Chris could actually play guitar? There’s that old Amazon account where his avatar is him playing guitar on stage. Surely he could have gotten that out right?
A part where a bunch of bats try to swarm him but he swats them away.
A part where he reads from a GamePro book on how to win.
He manages to beat Death!
Of course he has to do the Scooby Doo doors. At least it’s quick and not as painful & tedious a Back to the Past.
Wait, he beat Death, but then the montage shows him getting killed in Block 5 before reaching him. What?! This is dumb.
Then we see IG shaking his “wooden” Simon Belmont cutout. Careful with that, you need to sell that on your website’s store soon.
Then a Medusa Head tries to attack. IG covers his eyes, holds up a mirror, and the Medusa Head turns into… the Stone Mario from Super Mario Bros 3. THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORKS! You seriously couldn’t just turn the Medusa Head gray?
Then IG, Ronnie, and Devil Bores peeking around a corner, more “rocking out”, more Scooby doors, and the montage FINALLY ends at 9:08. Who the fuck is approving of these stupid montages? Are his fans really that awful? That THIS is what they want to see? I mean, Bores himself said on Facebook “You’re going to love this montage”. Do his fans seriously consider that one of the best parts of his series?

9:09 - 10:03: He reaches Dracula. Tries to continue with the Scooby-Doo joke by saying “let’s unmask this final villain and see who you really are”. It’s Dracula, it’s more often than not Dracula. God damn it Bores…
“He doesn’t really look like I imagine he’d look like” 8-bit limitations Chris.
He then calls his second form “Werewoof Dracula”. Actually his proper name is the “Spirit of Dracula”.
Devil Bores comes back in and wants to try again. But IG beats Dracula by chucking Holy Water at him. Devil Bores claims he did it and demands his soul, but IG says that wasn’t the deal, and then sends the Frankenstein Monster at him. This is about as awkward as you think it is.

The video ends with IG beating the game, seeing the weird credits, checking IMDB to see if “Christopher Bee” did play Dracula (leaving this one alone), then remembers his “baubles” and puts all six of them together. Oh no, don’t make this a Dragon Ball thing, it would be inaccurate as there’s seven of those. Thankfully that’s not what happens. Instead they somehow summon Dracula (I don’t know…)
“Uh oh, think quick Gamer” … Wait, is your name actually meant to “Irate Gamer”? Like your actual given name? Even though other people have called you Chris? It just sounds weird. Especially when you refer to yourself as “Gamer”.
Anyway he defeats Dracula with… Cocoa Powder? Oh, it turns him into Count… Chocula… GOD THIS WAS STUPID!

I think we have a contender for worst IG episode of the year. I don’t know, there’s been a lot and I have to think it over. But this is definitely up there.
The jokes are worse than usual, who writes this shit? I mean, I know Bores does but where does he get these awful ideas? Are his step kids ghost-writing? It would explain the Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) joke. Who finds this funny? Considering my conversations with former fans, Chris’ audience mostly seems to be kids. Even though Bores goes out his way to purposely appeal to people his age with all the 80’s crap. I’m pretty sure people in their late 30’s wouldn’t find this funny, it’s just way too childish.
They also see how bad you are at the game, making it even harder to take you seriously. Yes, Castlevania is a hard game, but that doesn’t excuse dumb behavior.
What is the niche you’re trying to fill? You refuse to do bad games because “herp derp everyone else do dem”, but nobody wants to see some incompetent asshole cry about how hard classic games are. Who do you want to be your audience?

I wish I could get in touch with someone close to him… someone that knows his thought process, and why he does things this way. Something that would clear up a ton of questions.

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Tedious Ten Minute Update

*stretches* Oh man, another long break is over. After three weeks of nothing, Chris Bores finally posted a new video.
An update video... over ten minutes long... oh joy.
Alright, let's hop on the bullshit train.

The description apologizes for the lack of videos, claims that he's been doing some "interesting" things (probably ghost garbage) and that a new review is soon. Then he says to "Been patient!" Did you mean "Be patient"? This is why you turn auto-correct off your phone Chris.

First thing mentioned is Ghost Hunting 2.0.
He claims he's been getting nice e-mails about it, probably from the people he paid to shill it on Amazon.
Then he mentions the Amazon accolades he got.  Such as "#12 in Books > Religion & Spirituality > Occult & Paranormal > Ghosts & Hauntings" Chris, I want you to look up what Overly Narrow Superlative means. All your accolades fall under that. It's not even the best-selling book in those fields either, it means nothing. Also, these only lasted a day. What a joke.
Also, I love how the Amazon picture he shows has the book at 4 stars, when all those fake reviews flooded in. Not suspect at all Chris.

Next thing mentioned is his appearance on Coast to Coast AM. Which if you recall, Bores called in a couple years ago to try and "debunk" the guest they had on with his own theories. Which he did by asking a question,then getting it answered, then Bores going on Facebook and lying, saying they hung up on him because they "couldn't handle the truth" or something.
Blah blah blah, he had a good time, whatever.
He then claims he got e-mails from the show's fans saying he piqued their interest. I seriously doubt any of this, are people this gullible? *checks Coast to Coast AM* Apparently it gets a cumulative weekly audience of 2.75 million listeners. So this is why people drink...

Then he mentions how he had to go to bed early, get up at 2:50, make some tea, WHO THE FUCK CARES CHRIS? See, this is the crap you should edit out.

Next thing is some "paranormal conference" he went to over the weekend. Ah yes, a gathering of idiots. Like the Gathering of the Juggalos with less fried food and nudity.
Mentions big names, including Grant Wilson from Ghost Hunters. ... I'll get to him.
Mentions that he hosted a lecture, with a pictures to show this. I can just imagine that tiny audience is a bunch of religious nutjobs that tune their radios to Rush Limbaugh everyday.
He claims they were engaged and that this was soooo interesting. God, the bullshit he spews.
He goes on about "stuff that's never been presented" and how special his research is and blah blah blah blah blah.
He says you can only understand his "methods" if you read the book. Well, people have read your book, and they call it crap. You're full of crap Chris.

Then he became "overwhelmed" as his table became surrounded with people that want to buy the book. ... Uh huh...
He shows a picture with... three people. You're not very good at this "evidence" thing are you Chris? Of course, the Opening Up video showed us that "evidence is for losers"

He "gushes" about how sooo many people bought his book, and he saw people walking around with it. Why don't I believe any of this?
"I don't come across that way due to my Irate Gamer schtick" No, even out of character, you're never humble. You're an egotistical asshole that refuses to take criticism and you stay in your own little safe space refusing to accept reality. *twirls mustache*

He mentions how he had a chat with Grant Wilson, how Grant not only bought his book, but asked for an autograph. Chris, you do realize that Grant Wilson is a con artist right? A much better one than you are considering you're falling for his tricks. This (old) article points out that Wilson fabricated evidence on Ghost Hunters. Along with the fact that Ghost Hunters is fucking scripted. 
That's why your "show" failed Chris, you actually tried to be "real", and it was boring as fuck.
I guess hacks attract hacks.
I just realized, the ghost hunting community is just one big circlejerk. It's all the same people patting each other on the back over something that isn't even fucking real. It's one big pile of idiots, with the charismatic ones cashing in on the idiots.
He also shows a low quality video Grant shot on his cell phone for his Perioscope account and he's in it. Hey "professional" ghost hunter, turn the phone on its side! Vertical video is a fucking plague.

Blah blah blah blah. "They welcomed me with open arms" You are lucky they did not Google you. In fact, let me see what happens when I Google "Chris Bores"
Result 1 is the IG Encyclopedia Dramatica page. Not a good first impression.
Result 2 is Chris' Twitter
Result 3 is the Opening Up video
Result 4 is my post debunking above video
Result 5 is the IG IMDB page, with show rating of 2.2/10 clearly displayed.
Result 6 is the IG Know Your Meme page
Result 7 is the AVGN Subreddit talking about the Opening Up video
Result 8 is the Pursuit of the Paranormal site
Result 9 is the Irate Gamer site.
You're lucky that they didn't look you up.
EDIT: Just received clarification that Google actually changes search results depending on your personal preferences. Other people can search Chris Bores and find completely different things. That being said, I can't imagine searching Chris Bores will net you much positive feedback.
"I threw some good jokes in there" Was it your laundry list of terrible R.O.B. puns? With explanations after everyone is told?

"I do feel this is the beginning of something interesting" If you want to be part of this stupid niche that most people consider a joke...
He says he was going to do another panel with some stupid show nobody's heard of but him, but it was cancelled due to lack of attendance. I expect Chris will hear that a lot...
"I'm on their radar" And if they look you up, expect to be off of it.

Next point is that Chris claims people have been asking when he'll go to their state to do a ghost lecture. Nobody has been asking that Chris, don't try and kid us.
No, his real point is that if you want Bores in your state, bug whatever paranormal conference is nearby.
"If you want the Irate Gamer to come to your state" Yes, if you want the Irate Gamer to show up and NOT talk about the Irate Gamer... How stupid are you Chris?
Also, he's begging people to tell these places to invite him. Just ask for money, you know you want to. But you also know that if you do, people call you a hypocrite (more so than usual) after your little spiel about e-Begging being terrible.
Oh and he even adds that you need to do the same for Comic Cons and "what-not". Chris, have you ever considered the reason you're not invited to these is that you have a notorious reputation that is beyond repair because you refuse to repair it? Chances are slim your remaining fanbase will do this, and if they do, there won't be enough voices to justify inviting you.
EDIT: I just got word from Linkara that this is something that's common for multiple video producers. That if fans want them at a convention, the fans themselves have to ask and beg the convention. Though my second point still stands, does Chris still have enough of a fanbase to raise demand for him?

Anyway, video ends with him saying that he's working on the new IG review. Proving that his "I'm considering retirement" announcement was a pathetic plea for attention.
"I'm back on the pole" ... That's not an expression. What pole? Don't answer that.
Oh no, more "tech reviews". Can't wait for more shit from Chinese companies that people want him to shill.

Nothing more than to wait... but some interesting things to bring up.

I decided to check out the Lost Media Wiki after some time has passed, hopefully to find some new interesting lost artifacts. Scrolled down and I saw a page for The Irate Gamer Game. Makes sense to include that since it is "lost" now. You might be asking "why would anyone want this recovered"? Well the site just archives stuff that's lost, no matter how horrid. That includes death videos like Steve Irwin, Christine Chubbuck, Owen Hart, and Timothy Treadwell.

They might have to update again as IG has taken down some videos.
Last week, Bores posted the contents of the October Loot Crate on his site. I thought it was odd he didn't make a video, but then I checked his channel and saw the video from back in April was gone. Yeah, go check yourselves, it came before the Punch-Out "review". No clue why...
The blooper video that came out after is gone too. Probably to try and get people to buy the DVD.
According to Andrew Schroy, Chris' tribute to Leonard Nimoy is gone too. Checking myself, it is. Probably trying to hide his awful behavior of profiting off his death and telling people to subscribe. While I may not have the video, I do have a screenshot showing the ads on it, and the fact it existed. 

That's all for now everyone.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

"Open Letter to Chris Bores" by Chico Edge

No videos again this week. Back to old habits huh Chris? Once again, I am left without content.
However, Chico Edge has provided something he wanted Chris to see.
Chico, I know I promised I would get this out earlier in the week, but Chris' big plea for attention, plus real life matters, delayed it a bit. Hopefully you understand.

To everyone else, enjoy.

I bring greetings to all of the readers of this blog. I have been a lurker for quite a while but I was not active in the comments section until recently. The catalyst was Chris publishing a book- Ghost Hunting 2.0. You may not know it from my errors in the comment section but I write a lot. I wouldn’t call myself a great writer but I get paid to write and my clients keep coming back with more work for me so I suppose somebody likes my content. If Chris had simply published his book and collected the revenues from whatever sales he makes then I would likely have forgotten about Ghost Hunting 2.0 by now. However, recent events have compelled me to write something in the hope that Chris sees it. He will likely ignore it but I feel I should not use that as an excuse to do nothing. I hope you will bear with me.

Dear Chris Bores,

You do not know me. If you did you will probably disregard whatever I try to tell you because you have shown a tendency to disregard practical advice even when it could be very helpful to you. I may never have had the 55th most subscribed channel on all of YouTube but I know something about writing, editing and publishing. I sincerely hope you will consider my words.

I installed my first broadband Internet connection in 2007, signed up for a YouTube account that same day and searching for one of my favorite hobbies- video games- lead me to James Rolfe. I discovered your channel soon after and I was aware of the controversy around your videos but I did not get involved in the drama. I think some of the things you did were deplorable but I bit my tongue as you deleted other peoples’ videos, had channels taken down, encouraged people to use that horrible Deal Dash website and somehow I managed to refrain from speaking out against your incredibly childish “shout out” and “parody” videos. I simply do not like Internet drama.

Things are different now. By publishing a book you have become a part of something that is very near and dear to me. I am a gamer but that is a hobby. Writing is a livelihood for me. You are now in my playground, so to speak.

I will give you some credit first. Writing a book is incredibly difficult; much harder than most people realize. You managed to become a scheduled guest on  Coast to Coast and your book at one point reached respectable levels on Amazons sales lists. That was largely due to Kindle Unlimited but hey, relatively few people accomplish these things so kudos to you.

With that out of the way, something else needs to be made clear. You have no respect for writers or what it takes to write a book. I read the entirety of Ghost Hunting 2.0 and it is clear to me you have no interest in developing a great book.

You see, Chris, some people want to be seen as a successful and published author while others simply want to write. You are part of the former group. You want the fame and recognition. You want to be seen as some kind of visionary who came up with a unique approach to solving mysteries that have stumped others for ages. You want to be credited for developing a new branch of psychology and you want to be acknowledged as the creator of the Bores Spirit Classification system. You want all of the accolades but you don’t want to work hard for it and you don’t want to go through the process of having your work peer reviewed or any of the other steps required to actually move science forward. I personally think ghost hunting is ridiculous but I am respecting the fact you consider it to be valid and worthy of peer review.

The final slap in the face came when you resorted to having fake reviews for your book posted on Amazon. It is evident that you are very unethical; how is it that you don’t even care that you are misleading people into buying your product? Can you honestly tell me you do not feel bad about this at all?

For many writers publishing on Amazon’s Kindle platform is their sole source of income. When I graduated with my Bachelor’s degree I lived on the money made from my writing until I found a job suited to my skills and experience. We may not always like getting unfavorable reviews but we accept them, learn from them and try to be better next time. For your own sake I suggest you have those fake reviews removed. They are so blatantly obvious and while they may provide you with a better star rating now in the end the fake reviews will only work against you and your efforts to establish credibility.

Part of me wants to leave you with constructive criticism. Something about developing a cohesive outline, working with an editor or at least a ghost writer and removing those painful bits of ego stroking in your book. I won’t do that because I know you won’t even consider it. As I noted before, you have no respect for writing. However, I will tell you that this endeavor if yours will have the same results of your other failed projects. Whether your ideas are good or not is open for debate but your problem lies in the execution of your projects. You are lazy, have no respect for the work of others and you lash out when offered constructive criticism.

Until you change these things then all of your future projects will be just as mediocre. Your biggest claim to fame will be having the 55th most subscribed YouTube channel several years ago. Is that what you really want?

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

The End is Nigh? Chris Considering Retiring from YouTube

Chris dropped a bombshell of an announcement yesterday.
On Facebook, he stated that he's considering retiring from YouTube to focus more on his paranormal crap, claiming that "interesting prospects" have been coming his way.
I have trouble believing either of these things, but let's focus more on his possible retirement.

This could mean anything really.

One: He could be serious.
Views are absolute crap, most people believe he's a joke, or don't even know he still makes videos. His "three videos a week" experiment backfired hard, couldn't even keep up with two. I do have a theory that after the "opening up" video, he got a bunch of new "fans" and he thought they would watch everything he put out. Except he released lazy complacent crap and they all left in droves, leaving only us, the critics, and the few remaining fans.
He kept trying so many new things and nothing worked.
For retro reviews, his thought process was "a lot of people do bad games, I'll fill the niche of bashing classic games!" That backfired immensely.
He tried applying a "crazy" style to various videos, like his movie reviews and IG Neo. People hated these, soooo many dislikes. His Splatoon review in particular got mocked by Cringe Blog and Retsupurae.
And then he started doing all these product reviews, shilling for shit nobody would actually use. This was just sad.

Two:  He could be fishing for attention.
He could just be saying this so people could go "No don't go, we want you to keep making videos". The last desperate resort of a falling internet star.

Three: He confused "retirement" with "hiatus" again.
Remember last time he said he retired? Only he suddenly came back with the "three videos a week" promise. We've long established that Chris is an idiot and has a tenuous grasp of the English language (especially if his book is anything to go by). He could have confused the two again.

So, what does this mean for the blog? Of course, I operate on whatever videos Chris puts out. If he releases something worth talking about, I'll be here. If not, well then I'll stop too. No reason to keep going with nothing new to talk about.

The only thing we can do is wait and see.

I do wish there was someone close to Chris I could contact. For someone so public online, he has so few connections.

EDIT: Seems the answer was Number Two. He just posted on Facebook something along the lines of "Thanks for all the comments! Looks like I'm going to stick around". Yeah, he was fishing for attention. Blah.