Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Some End of the Month Advice for Bores

Hmm, I wonder if Bores has posted anything new. *checks* Another tech review. All cheap shit that he was paid to look at. Oh, and it's a contest too.

Okay Chris, I want you to listen to me now. I know you hate me, I know you hate everything I stand for, I know that if I said "hot wings are awesome", you'd try to find a way to claim hot wings are the worst. But for once, I want you to listen to this bit of advice.
Open a Patreon page!
We're in an era where you no longer have to rely on YouTube revenue or Paypal donations or brand deals (though all these help too), Patreon can help people like you. Except for Andrew Dobson, but that's a whole different (inflated) can of worms.
I'm sure you have some fans out there willing to give you money once a month or once a video to put out more content. Real content, not these obvious showcases of selling out.  It's clear you don't know anything about the tech you're shilling, so why keep doing this when there's an easier solution.
This advice does come with a caveat. If you do open a Patreon page, you have to have consistent content. You can't just sit on your ass collecting money from your fans. You can't be like certain *ahem* "activists" who collect thousands a month and provide nothing in return. You have to work for your patrons.

I know you won't listen, you never listen, better people than me have tried. But if this is the path you want to take your career, don't say I (or anyone else) didn't warn you.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Chris Starts a New Series to Look at Boxes Full of Crap

I'm beginning to think Chris doesn't know the meaning of the word "retired". Three videos in a week? Pick a story and stick with it.

Anyway, this video was so dumb, I actually had to make a separate post. Impressive how Chris can pack quite a bit of stupidity in a little over three minutes.

Chris has started a new "series", this one covering various pop culture subscription boxes like Loot Crate. I'm impressed there's a thriving market for this. Calling it "Box Wars". How original...
Say, why did you delete your first Loot Crate video Chris? Why are you deleting so many videos? Explain yourself you censor-happy doofus.
Oh and the video is also a contest. Back into old habits I see, making every other video a contest. Guaranteed comment spam!

Starting the video. Not going to time it because it's so short.

"Alright pop culture fans" Cringey, but at least he's not saying gamers.
Declares that this is a new segment. We shall see...
It has a stupid intro. How long did that take Chris?
"And since there's so many pop culture box of goodies services out there" So many = three. Okay there's probably more but he only covered three in this.
By the way, this isn't like his other videos. This has editing, a lot of it. Possibly scripted too. How come THIS gets the editing attention?

He starts with the latest Loot Crate.
"And they're probably the most popular of them ALL" What was with that weird inflection on "all"? It sounded like he was trying to sing.
"This month's (theme) is puzzles and things of all that nature" ... Okay maybe he didn't script this.
First item is a t-shirt to "honor the death of David Bowie". Odd choice of words, I would have gone with "pay tribute". I don't know, it just sounds off.
"Featuring his likeness from the movie Labber-nith" I'm sorry what? You mean Labyrinth right? This isn't even an accent thing. How are you so bad at English?
Second item is a pair of Harry Potter socks listing Voldemort's Horcruxes.
"And I thought those two movies SUCKED" Another sentence ending on an on odd emphasis. He's referring to the Deathly Hallows. Care to explain why Bores? Also, he still doesn't seem aware that Harry Potter is based on a book...
Third item is a Legend of Zelda pin (in the shape of the Hylian Shield)
Fourth item is a poster. Bores attempts a joke saying it's a pirate periscope. Weaaak.
It's an Uncharted 4 poster. "Which will be coming out soon" Did you film this a week ago? Uncharted 4 has been out for two days now. Then again, I don't expect Bores to keep up with current gaming events. His bubble won't allow it.
Fifth item is a tooth-shaped flask from the History Channel series Vikings.
EDIT: Actually, it's a bull horn. Thanks to MacDragard for the correction.
Final item is an ice mold that allows you to create a D&D 20-sided die. That just seems dumb.

He moves onto 1Up Box
The theme is "miniatures". Which he says he in a deep booming voice for some reason.
First item is a shirt. This one has Baby Mario, Baby Luigi, Baby Peach and a Despicable Me Minion on top of a giant strawberry shortcake. ... This is really stupid. This is like a dumb deviantArt drawing. Why this crossover?
Second is a Kirby bouncy ball.
Third is an Ant-Man "drawl-string" backpack. That looks more like a bag than a backpack.
Fourth is a Despicable Me Minion decal. Not even in color.
Fifth is a Yoshi coaster. ... Why?
Final item is a Baby Mario plushie.
Bores then reveals that 1Up Box send him a second box of the same thing. He believes it's so he can get a Baby Luigi or Baby Peach plushie to "collect them all", but he just got another Baby Mario.  Then he puts a filter on, adds a scare chord, and makes a face. What's this supposed to mean? That it's "freaky" there's two Baby Marios? Please, it's not as freaky as a few Mario Kart titles where somehow Mario & Baby Mario co-exist in the same timeline. Same with Luigi, Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina.
Anyway because this is a duplicate, this is the thing being given away for the "Pick Me". Meh...

Finally onto Super Geek Box
The theme is "destiny".
First item is an Ash Ketchum hat. Which Bores claims to be really excited over. You're not a Pokemon fan! I know you're not!
Second item is a t-shirt combining Star Wars and Pokemon. Darth Vader as the trainer and Boba Fett as Bulbasaur. ... Bobasaur? Ugggggh
Third item is a bagged Marvel bobble-head. Bores got Ant-Man. Odd that there's two Ant-Man items in this video.
Fourth item is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtle key-chain. Either his lighting is bad or that Squirtle looks more green than blue.
Fifth item is a "Transformers" poster featuring "SGB-01 Ultramus Prime". Okay so I looked this up and I can't find ANYTHING about an "Ultramus Prime". It looks more like a Gundam. Is it something Super Geek Box made just for this? They're not sponsored by Hasbro so this must be their way of getting around copyright. How does Bores not notice that it's clearly not Optimus Prime? It looks like Masami Obari should be upgrading it for an OVA.
The sixth and seventh items are a pair of decals with their off-brand Autobot and Decepticon logos. What are these? What are you trying to pull Super Geek Box?
Final item is a Star Wars Lightsaber lanyard. Bores tries to make this look "cool", but I'm just shaking my head in disappointment.

The video concludes with him actually picking a winner. Bores actually having to be decisive? The skies are falling!
He declares Super Geek Box the best of the month. Really? With the stupid Star Wars Pokemon shirt, the knock-off Transformers and the dumb lanyard?
The reason it wins is all the Pokemon stuff. You're not a fan! Quit trying to act like you are! I know your fans are a bunch of little kids that would probably believe that, but you don't do a good job showing that you know anything about the franchise outside of a few basic details.
He gives out a few extra awards.
Coolest shirt if the "Labber-nith" shirt from Loot Crate.
Coolest item is the Ash Ketchum hat from Super Geek Box (again with trying to be Poke-fan)
Lamest item is the Viking flask. He looks so confused by it. It's a bull horn you dumbass. How do you not see this? Also, how is THIS the lamest item? What about the colorless Minion decal, or the Yoshi coaster, or the Lightsaber lanyard,  or that awful knock-off Transformers stuff? You have shit taste!

Soooo, how long until Bores abandons this series? One could be optimistic and say "after this one", but this video will probably do "okay" because it's also a contest, and those are prime for view & comment spamming. Want some proof? The tech review he posted on Monday has 440 comments. The terrible phone app on Tuesday? At least 57 (who knows how many he's deleted). Chris knows what he's doing, but this won't last him long. People will grow even more tired of him and his poor content and his shilling.
He calls this a review in the title, but it's barely one. He just lists the items and then says "best and worst" at the end. That's not a review. Then again, he has a really bad habit of calling things that aren't reviews "reviews" *cough*E3*cough*.
Hope this junkfest is worth the $60 a month you're paying for this Chris.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Who Needs Integrity? Let's Keep Selling Out!

I thought semi-retirement meant he would stop making awful videos like these?

Out of nowhere, Bores posted two videos in the last two days. Both very low quality as per usual. But that's what happens when you no longer care about your image and find selling out to be a much easier venture. Maybe you should be taking real offers and not spam from Chinese companies?

First video is a "MASSIVE" tech review, in that he looks at eight products. All of them terrible! Of course, the review is just a lot of "this is really cool" on top of very basic descriptions. Nothing stands out. Well, at the end he plays some random music and claims it's from Final Fantasy VII. ... I have never heard that song in the game. Unless it's a remix that he has on his phone for some reason, but I can't tell what song that is.
Oh and guess what? It's a contest video! It's the same shit. Write "Pick Me" in the comments box "blow" and you'll be randomly selected. What a sham.
Who are you trying to appeal to Chris? Nobody likes these videos. Well, except this one since you're giving away free shit and suddenly people come out in droves to get a little something. If you wrote "Pick Me", you need to take a step back and find better headphones or lights or whatever crap he's trying to hock onto you.

The second is for an app called "Busker Boss". The hell is a busker? *searches* Oh, street performers. The game itself looks very boring. You just tap shit. There is no gameplay. It's not like Yo-Kai Watch Wibble Wobble where there's actual thinking involved. There is nothing here.
Apparently if Chris had a band, it would be called "The Chris Tones". Ego much?
"... you tap the people and then you lynch them for all their money." ... Very poor choice of words Chris. Do you not know what that means?
Bland descriptions of what you do, and he claims there are other minigames but all he showed was the tapping. Did someone really pay him to do this? Who could be so desperate?
Thankfully, the fans hate this one. Dislikes taking over (make sure to save both these videos as per usual).

Tone it down Chris. Even Metallica is saying you're selling out too much. *thinks* Is that joke too dated?

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

9 Years Later, and Chris Still Commits Plagiarism

One of the purposes of this blog was to showcase that Chris Bores has more problems than ripping off other reviewers. I feel I've succeeded in showing that to plenty of people.
But even to this day, when Chris is in "semi-retirement", he still can't help but outright steal from other sources without credit.

In this case, an article he posted over at his site.
An article discussing the 2016 Ghostbusters trailer being the most disliked movie trailer on YouTube. (An archive link in case he tries to change or delete things)
Here's the thing, only one line of that article is original (the very first one "Whoa, I knew this one would not bode well with pop culutre fans of the original, but not like this!"). Everything after that, is taken from ScreenRant's article. He also removed a couple paragraphs at the end.

As you can see in IG's article, no credit to ScreenRant at all. Plus, the writing is clearly too intelligent to be Chris. You'd never hear him discuss the possible sexism towards this move without making a fool of himself.

Come on Chris. Haven't you learned anything? You even recently said on Facebook, while celebrating Teacher Appreciation Day, that you're thankful to them for everything you learned. Are you just blowing smoke out of your ass? Granted if you really did learn anything, you wouldn't be a complete joke on YouTube.

By the way, it's been over 9 years since Chris started the Irate Gamer. On April 28th 2007, he posted the Back to the Future video. The start of something stupid.