Saturday, December 31, 2016

IG's Top 8 Worst Moments of 2016

Wooof. 2016 was not a good year, and if you pay attention to the news then you should be familiar with why this year was a mess. Everyone, try to be brave, stay safe, live on and hope things will get better.

As per usual, it’s time to end the year with Chris’ worst moments. However, so little happened this year, a lot of samey stuff that wasn’t interesting. I could only think of 8 moments. Will 2017 have even less?
Possibly since most of his content has just outright died.

8: Why bother with the game? Look at the cool Lego!

IG Neo was the first of the shows to just die. There was literally only one episode of it this year. Lego Dimensions.
The majority of the review was Chris listing off the figures, and saying stupid shit like “The Portal 2 level made no sense and the music was stupid”. He never brought up the gameplay, never mentioning how it differs from the standard Lego games or how it actually uses the portal as part of the game.
It also became clear that Chris didn’t even bother to beat the game. Chris posted the review four months after the game came out and only beat four levels. Going by his PSN account, he still hasn’t bothered to play the rest. It’s not a hard game at all.
Much like Skylanders, Chris cares more for the collection aspect than the gameplay. Hell, he hasn’t even played Skylanders: Imaginators. Or he has but played it on Wii U where there’s no tracking so I don’t know for sure.

Shockingly, people liked it, claiming it was in-depth. Being long doesn’t mean it’s in-depth, he didn’t say anything.

7: Deleting everything won’t save you

For reasons only known to him, Chris deleted a large number of his videos. Not just the sell-out shill videos, but actual content. The majority of his Neo reviews are gone, a ton of his E3 videos, most of the movie reviews. What the hell Chris? Why delete so much? What are you trying to hide?
What’s weird is that there’s still some videos up but the title and  thumbnail changed to be about Pursuit of the Paranormal or Ghost Hunting 2.0. I just noticed this. For example, organize the video list by oldest, one thing you’ll notice is that the Sopranos video he made is gone (why?), but then keep scrolling and you’ll see a 3:46 Pursuit video that was posted 8 years ago. Wait what? Clicking it, and it’s part 1 of his Top 10 Summer Movies of 2008. There’s a lot more too of these too. Guitar Hero Van Halen, his 48 second review of the first Iron Man, some E3 videos, what is the purpose of changing these? Do you think all five of your ghost fans will look through your channel and fall for this click bait? That’s really desperate and stupid.

What is your endgame Chris? You make no sense.

To give you an idea of how bad the deletion is, only 12 videos from this year remain, and I see at least three getting deleted. The Lego Dimensions review mentioned above? Gone! What are your reasons?

6: All I can do is sell out!

Last year, Chris had been making videos where he showcased a product often unrelated to video games. It became clear these were nothing more than paid promotions. Now, a smart YouTube user would put these promotions as part of another video, usually the end. That way the viewer can click off if they don’t care for what they’re hocking.
Chris on the other hand makes single videos, or a long video where he compiles a bunch of shit together. This year he went to 11 and it hurt him hard. Making several tech showcases and looking at disgusting bloatware apps that promise gift cards if you download a bunch of crap and ruin your phone. Fans hated all the selling out, dislike bombing the videos. Chris did not care, he was getting paid, fuck the fans. Hmm, that seems like it’s going to be a theme.


Chris killed off most of his series, but started a new one and keeps it going because it’s lazy and he gets free stuff.
Box Wars, a show where he unboxes various swag services like Loot Crate. That’s it.
Early on he tried to “spice it up” with editing and wackiness, but eventually he didn’t even bother and now it’s just him showing the contents of 10 different boxes per video. It’s boring! But what do you expect from Chris Bores?
Like the above tech shilling, this is all paid promotion. Only where other channels will sign up for one or two services, Chris check marked ALL OF THEM. Oh and in case you didn’t realize, many of the items are COOL. Seriously, he says “cool” so much that it’s almost a verbal tic. As shown here:

I don’t get how anyone can find this series entertaining? Because you want to know what’s in the boxes? Most of them are rip-offs, you get crap. Invest your money in something else people.

4: This salty Facebook post

This kind of relates to the tech shilling and boxes.
Earlier this month, Chris posted this on his Facebook.

Woof, it’s almost like he channeled the spirit of DSP or Andrew Dobson. Critical salt levels!
I haven’t posted this yet as I wanted to include in a post about how Chris is making his money. Unfortunately the lead I had on it ran cold. But if what I‘m told is true, Chris won‘t do Patreon or services everyone else does and would rather sell video space to product creators so he can make tech “reviews” and Box Wars. Because that somehow makes more sense?
Chris, it’s clear you haven’t made real money on YouTube in years (at least not through IG). It’s also clear that people stopped watching you. You lost focus and instead of trying to make the channel grow or change, you gave up. Don’t cry about it, you’ll come off like DSP, who never shuts up about the views he gets (or doesn’t get).
And yeah, Chris’ views are abysmal. His latest (another shitty tech showcase) only has 13k views in two weeks. Wooooow. How the mighty have fallen indeed. Looks like Guru Larry was right to put you in his “forgotten YouTube gamers” list. You shouldn’t have pushed people away.

3: The final episode and you end with a tired NES joke

Only two regular Irate Gamer episodes were posted this year, the second one might be the finale. We’ll see.

I can’t imagine he planned to end the show here because it was awful.
The game he looked at was Duck Hunt. Now how do you make a 6 minute video on such a simple game? You shoot ducks, you shoot clay pigeons, and the dog laughs if you miss. That’s the whole game! But somehow Chris managed to pad it out. All so he could tell the same tired joke about how much of a dick the dog is. Something people have been making jokes about for YEARS! Hell, he already did that in his Jaws review where he killed the dog for “HUR HUR RANDOM”.
But nooo he has to make it a show. He has to chase the dog through a bunch of games with some of the worst green screen ever. How anyone says this sequence was good I don’t know. But he doesn’t just shoot the dog, no he has to go to the Pit in Mortal Kombat and upper-cut him into it for a Fatality because REFERENCES!

What a wet fart of a possible ending.

2: The complete cutting off of Irate Gamer

I mentioned above that the Duck Hunt episode might be his last one. The evidence piled up hard. The biggest being the channel going from Irate Gamer to CB Network, and the focus away from video games to ghosts and shilling. Basically, no content because ghosts aren’t real and shilling is empty.
He also stated on his site that Season 5 is the last one. Again, we’ll see.
Now why is this one the worst moments list? Surely this is a good thing?
I’m speaking for his fans, how he left them out to dry without giving a clue. Sure, he stated on Facebook that he retired, but when people in the YouTube comments point this out, they get deleted. Why he doesn’t want his YouTube audience to know I can’t say. Perhaps he’s hoping they stick around and not unsubscribe in droves? Toooo late, he’s been bleeding subs for a while.
At one point, he did throw around the idea of a Kickstarter to fund Season 6. I questioned this as his show is uber low budget and he already has the games (or he’ll likely just emulate them). But then he just said “screw it, I don’t care if you want to fund it, fuck the fans”.

Chris ended the Irate Gamer without any fanfare, he just let it quietly die. Leaving his fans to wonder “what are you doing?” Give them something Chris, something of substance, something worth sending your show out on. Perhaps you should have done that with the retarded Power Rangers episodes.

Maybe he hoped nostalgia would kick in? Next year it will be 10 years since he started the Irate Gamer. Thing is, I don’t think that will happen. I’ve heard far too many fan testimonies that they liked him when they were younger, forgot about him, then looked back with a more critical eye and realized “Why did I like this to begin with?” The 12 year olds just stopped coming, and went to other (better) content creators.

But for all I know, he’ll come back and pretend like he never left. Then again… he found something that managed to make him money with the least amount of effort possible.

1: New show, new audience, fuck the old fans

Soooo what has happened to Chris to completely and utterly (try to) stop the Irate Gamer? He found something lazier.
At the beginning of the year, Chris started a new channel for the “Marty and Muffin Show”, a puppet show where he “reviews” toys. Marty and Muffin were very quickly tossed aside when he realized he could exploit one of the most popular games in the world for profit. Enter Minecraft Puppet Steve.
Portraying a puppet based on the default avatar from Minecraft, Chris “reviews” toys. By which he describes the toy, makes stupid jokes, has wacky shit happen, and says it’s cool. Early in the channel’s life, he did the same “throw everything and see what sticks” method he used in 2015 when he did multiple videos a week. Doing things like movie reviews and trailer reactions, neither of which he does now. Chris would eventually find his audience not with Minecraft toys (no that would be obvious) but Five Nights at Freddy’s toys. I have no idea where he’s getting the views, his subscriber and view count is way off. Is it little kids that aren’t allowed to have YouTube accounts yet? I’ve seen at least one comment where they admit they’re five years old.

Despite starting in January, I wouldn’t learn about this channel until August. Chris did a good job keeping it secret for that long. But that raises a question, why did he keep it secret? Why not tell his fanbase of at least 160k subscribers? It’s likely Chris didn’t want those fans, he wanted new fans, dumber fans, five year olds that will watch anything no matter the quality. For a while he deleted any and all comments on his Facebook asking about Puppet Steve. Eventually he subtly caved by adding it to his “Other Channels” section on “CB Network”. But he hasn’t outright said it’s him or told his fans to check it out.

So it’s meant for kids, is it at least good for them? Oh god no. Chris is under the belief that since he’s making something for kids, he doesn’t have to put in any effort. As I said, the reviews are not reviews, they’re unfunny comedy bits that seem more like Chris showing off his collection rather than informing his audience.  Kids have a million options for entertainment, and this is among the worst.
Chris also believes that since it’s for kids, he can write like he’s a kid. His usual redundancy and captain obvious shtick is still intact here. It’s also clear he knows nothing about the franchises he covers, especially Five Nights at Freddy’s (and that’s his main thing somehow).

And get this, Steve is far more annoying than the Irate Gamer. Steve is an egocentric dick that has to constantly crow on how awesome he is and how he’s soooo cool and all the other toys are lame compared to him. If you have to claim you’re cool, you’re not. Yet somehow the kids love this!

It also became clear that all the tech product shilling was likely done just to fund this channel. Good luck trying to get the word out to his fans, Chris will delete delete delete.

I could fill an entire list with moments from Puppet Steve (that Deathstroke video… *shudders*) but there lies another problem with the series, it’s beyond formulaic. Nearly every video is the same. Steve shows the toy, Zombie Steve says something, he talks about the toy with as little detail as possible, wacky jokes, the toy comes to life, wacky jokes, end on a wacky joke. It all runs together.
Sometimes there’s a change. Like Chris will bring his step-daughter on to voice Puppet Alex (based on the other default skin in Minecraft) so she can review girl toys. This is actually preferable because “Alex” sounds like she knows what she’s talking about, and wants to review things. I think Chris got offended by my preference for her as she hasn’t appeared in a while. I thought “busy with school”, but she’s like 7 and they have weekends.
He also did a couple gameplay videos. One on Lego Dimensions where he clearly didn’t know how to play, and one on Five Nights at Freddy’s Sister Location, which he never finished. Smooth.
Otherwise, most of the videos are the same and it’s boring.

Somehow, he gets lots and lots and lots of views. Apparently kid channels like this are really popular. If this is what Chris wants to do, then he needs to put in effort. Like Irate Gamer, kids will not look back on this fondly. They’ll rewatch it when they’re older and realize “this is the dumbest thing ever”. Chris can’t grow if he continues to half-ass it, just like the Irate Gamer. History repeats.

And so, 2016 comes to a close. I know people are constantly wondering if I’m done. … I don’t know. All depends on what stupid shit Chris does next. He could actually release his announced second book, I could get info from someone close to him that leads to some really big answers, Puppet Steve might actually evolve behind “same shit different toy”.

I leave with one more piece of advice for Chris. Make sure the news you read is true, check your sources, don’t fall for obviously fake stories.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Bores Continues to Use "CB Network" Just to Shill

Bores actually posted two videos yesterday. Unfortunately it's all paid promotion with no actual content.
First video is some hard drive, and the title he wrote for it is like a 10 in "shameless clickbait".
Yeaaaah I don't buy it. Chris seems to understand his remaining fans hate these videos as comments are disabled.
Second video is another Box Wars. Yawn.
What's weird about these videos (and the previous Box Wars) is that he's filming them at a different angle. Instead of sitting in front of his posters, he's sitting in front of his game shelves. Did he remove the posters on the wall? Too bad Chris is incapable of communication like a normal YouTube user.
The comments on the Box Wars are open, but seems Chris is modding them hard. I noticed one user with an AkaNinger avatar (Shuriken Sentai Ninninger) who was yelling at everyone that "CHRIS IS RETIRED, STOP BEING MEAN!" because people kept asking for real content. However, all those comments are gone now. Is Chris trying to hide from his YouTube fans that he's retired? Pick a position and stick with it!

I have to wonder if "CB Network" is going to only be active in October. Despite his claims to the contrary, Chris really doesn't seem dedicated to ghost hunting, and only seems to talk about around Halloween. What is he doing the rest of the year? Well, besides buying plastic crap and making the same video again and again and again and again and again and again and this is why I barely talk about Puppet Steve.

Speaking of, over there we find more fucking FNAF. Another Minecraft video. A look at Harley Quinn statue that's from Arkham City, but because Chris is desperate for clicks like a Buzzfeed whore, he puts Suicide Squad in the title. It's just sad at this point.
All the Lego Dimensions Adventure Time figures, because fuck the rest of Wave 6 & 7.
And... I am not kidding, Emoji toys. Not the characters from that upcoming animated movie produced by Sony, but actual figures based on the Emojis you find in your phones. This reeks of "How do you do fellow kids?"
"Easter Egg" is in the title, which apparently he calls it that because he has an "Easter Egg" box. ... No that doesn't make sense! Ugh... Chris really is a moron...

But that's not the most recent video. The newest is more fucking FNAF.
It's not even new toys, it's about toys that aren't even out yet. Holy shit! It's like Chris is thinking "FNAF is the only thing that gives me views, I need to milk it more and more, I don't care how vapid and stupid it is!"
In the video he says "We're one of the top YouTube channels that talks about the McFarlane Five Nights at Freddy's toys!" Chris still loves his overly narrow superlatives. Just like how he tried to show his book was a success with narrow Amazon categories. Can someone actually check on Chris? I don't think he's mentally doing well.

That's about it from me. Should probably work on the year end list, if I even have anything to write about.