Friday, January 20, 2017

Ben Phillips Presents "Opening Up: An Irate Gamer Documentary"

Long-time fan of the blog Ben Phllips, who has contributed in the past by providing the rules for GameTrailer's OutNerd the Nerd contest, has created a video dissecting Chris' infamous "Opening Up" video.

Here you can see Ben point out the many inconsistencies in Chris' story with evidence to back it up.


Monday, January 16, 2017

Puppet Steve "Highlights" January 1-15

The “CB Network” is dead again. Seems Chris isn’t getting paid to look at shitty products right now.
What about your Christmas ghost hunt? Have a video about that or did nothing happen like EVERY GHOST HUNT EVER?
His Facebook pages are dead too, nothing since a Merry Christmas message. Which he ends with “Game On”. So are you abandoning the Irate Gamer or not?! You can’t keep using terminology if you want to end it!

Soooo realizing this, here’s the highlights of all the Puppet Steve videos posted this year (so far). 7 videos, I imagine they’re mostly the same.
I wanted this get this out in the last couple days but time got away from me. Sorry about that.

GhostBusters Diamond Select Toys Action Figures Series 1 & 2 Movie Unboxing (Ray, Peter, Egon

- Surprisingly the first video of the year wasn’t FNAF related, but it is Chris’ other obsession. Someone really needs to tell him that he’ll never be a Ghostbuster.
- Did he forget to hit Shift+0 at the end there?
- There’s a contest to win a Phantom Foxy plushie. Even in non-FNAF videos, there’s FNAF.
- I see Winston on the table, why is he not in the title? Why does everybody screw over Winston?
- “After taking the figure out of the packaging, we have a totally awesome looking figure” Nearly 10 years, and he still has a redundancy problem.
- Oh wow, he’s actually talking about the detail of the figure… and he ruins it by pretending to get shocked by the Proton Pack.
- He points out the different hands. If these are anything like the SH Figurarts produced by Bandai, then it’s likely these are used for stop-motion purposes. As in real stop-motion, not the lazy stop-motion Chris does.
- Notices Winston comes with a Ghost Trap, prompting an awful scene with his Boo amiibo.
- “You gotta love old Egon, cause he’s such an egghead. A-heh-heh.” *scene transition* “Wow, gotta love old Egon” HOLY SHIT! NOT EVEN FIVE SECONDS!
- “Glasses and all” Why wouldn’t he come with glasses?
- “Time to hunt some ghosts down in style” You would loooove that Chris, because it would validate all your wasted time and money.
- “This better form into something cool” That’s the point, all the steps that come with each figure form into something. A lot of action figure lines do this.
- Stupid Enderman bit where he gets Dana Barrett
- He tries to put together the rooftop pieces, and gets nothing because he only has five out of 15 pieces, which he acknowledged earlier. Fucking dumb.

Playmobil Carrying Case Barbeque Camping, Soccer Building kit Toy Unboxing Puppet Steve

- Playmobil? Seriously? Who gives a shit about that?
- Same contest
- Stupid voices… stupid cutaways…
- God I forgot how annoying he was…
- The “Puppet Magic” shit is still stupid and makes no sense.
- At least Zombie Steve still calls out his awful jokes.
- Steve calls it the best picnic ever, and the little girl figure (voiced by his step-daughter) says the same thing, and he goes “I just said that!” Chris you are not allowed to make fun of redundancy.
- And of course it ends with Zombie Steve eating the toys. He goes downright Cookie Monster on them.

Five Nights at Freddy's FnaF Pint Sized Heroes FUNKO Foxy Toy Mystery mini's Blind Bag Unboxing

- We got FNAF, that didn’t take long.
- He shows the checklist and mentions “exclusive figures”. You should probably mention they’re Gamestop exclusive since your fans likely can’t read the tiny text, or read at all.
- Apparently Foxy is Zombie Steve’s favorite because he’s a pirate. Whatever…
- And since it’s the Gamestop exclusive Foxy, Zombie Steve passes out over it. This is so dumb…
- Steve whining about duplicates…
- He gets Chica. “We don’t have him yet” ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU STILL THINK CHICA’S A BOY?! How many of these damn videos have you done? Hell, one of the top rated comments is telling him “Chica’s a girl”. Are you being retarded on purpose Chris? Because that’s not funny.
- Gets a different Foxy and a stupid stop-motion bit happens. Then Zombie Steve puts on an eye patch. His intelligence seems to differ video to video, why is that Chris?
- He gets the Puppet, and Steve says he’s his favorite because they’re both puppets. You would not say that if you ever played FNAF 2, keeping that little bastard asleep while up to 10 different animatronics are trying to kill you is annoying. Especially on the harder difficulties. Again, implying Chris knows anything when it’s clear he doesn’t.
- He spazzes out when the last package is another duplicate. That’s not funny or endearing, it’s worrying.
- He thinks Golden Freddy is rare because he’s not on the checklist. Pretty sure since he comes with every box, he isn’t included. Then again, Foxy comes with the box and he’s in the packaging and on the checklist too. I don’t know, maybe Funko was too busy making more stupid deals to notice.

The Grossery Gang Mushy Slushie Corny Chips S1 Chunky Crunch Shopkins Unboxing Puppet Steve

… Hang on *searches Grossery Gang*. It’s basically Shopkins but the food is gross, like all spoiled or covered in slime. Continuing the idea that boy’s toys are just girl’s toys given a different coat of paint. I thought we got past “boys like gross stuff” in the mid-2000’s?
- New contest, kids could get the FNAF figures from the last video.
- Oh hey, Puppet Alex. Will it be a cameo or a full review?
- Oh, essentially a side-role as Steve shows her the Grossery Gang
- Chris how much money are you spending on this shit?
- Shows a spoiled TV Dinner figure. “I don’t want to eat that, I’ll get sick! A-heh-heh” … That’s the point Chris.
- One of the toys looks like the She-slime from Dragon Quest.
- Puppet Alex seems almost self-aware. I wonder how much input in the “scripts” she has.
- These things are reminding me of Crazy Bones. Remember those?
- He got a bunch of “bugs in ice cubes” figures, and pulls the “bug in ice cube” prank on Puppet Alex and laughs when she sees them. Such a great step-dad. Then Zombie Steve eats the toys…
- He’s just listing now…
- And another video that ends with Zombie Steve eating toys. I don’t think Chris understands how zombies work. They’re flesh-eaters, not extreme omnivores.

My Little Pony MLP Golden Oak Library Playset w/ Zecora, Twilight Sparkle Unboxing Puppet Steve

- This sounds more like a full Puppet Alex video.
- I have to wonder if Steve wrote the “script” since Alex doesn’t know the name of Twilight’s owl (Owlowiscious).
- Most of the video is just Alex bringing up something, Steve interrupting, and Alex yelling at him. This seems less funny and more dysfunctional.
- At one point Alex does the “look at camera and sigh” thing Steve does. … I’m starting to dislike Alex.
- Okay yeah, Chris wrote this. That sounds nothing like Zecora, and apparently she acts as Twilight’s teacher.
- And Zecora makes Steve disappear. Shouldn’t it be Twilight?

Five Nights at Freddy's FnaF NECA Scalers & Light Up Glow in the Dark Unboxing

- More FNAF…
- These are the dumbest toys.
- “To open these up, we’re going to need some scissors! Snip snip snip snip snip snip”  I WILL BURN YOUR TOY COLLECTION!
- “The cool thing about these headphones is that you can hook them up to any electronic device and listen to music” … That’s what headphones are, jackass.
- He tells Zombie Steve that he has no ears. … Neither do you.
- God Zombie Steve is annoying now. Well, more than before.
- So essentially this is stuff you hang on your headphones. … Why?
- Zombie Steve is afraid of the dark? That’s idiotic!
- Hold on, using a FNAF character as a night light? That goes against the idea of FNAF, that they’re scarier in the dark.

Five Nights at Freddy's Fnaf Pop Funko Figures Set Action Figures Unboxing Review

- More fucking FNAF!
- Oh no, Funko Pop. Because this channel wasn’t cancerous enough already.
- “they’re actually kind of cuddly” … No
- … He just said Freddy is the main character of the series, like this is the first FNAF video he’s ever done. He’s made 35. Fuck you.
- So the Nightmare Freddy figure flies out of the box by accident. He calls it a “Puppet Explosion” and shows it in slow-mo with a “Puppet Replay”. Chris, inserting words into everything isn’t a joke! You’ve been doing that before YouTube was even a thing! Cut it out!
- More stupid stop-motion…
- More annoying Zombie Steve…
- “She’s even got a little bib there” THEY REACHED HIM! He finally called Chica a girl! Miracles can happen!
- Really dumb bit where Chica gets angry over the lack of cupcake. I mean wow how is this entertaining?
- Ending on another awful bit.

I will never understand how kids find this entertaining. Even if I was the audience I would think this was stupid.

There is one other thing to bring up.
Silent Spring brought to my attention a recent review for Ghost Hunting 2.0 on Amazon.
Written by Jeaninne Slattery, she gave it 1-star claiming that she’s been scammed. Chris offered a free DVD and after a year and a half, she still hasn’t received it. I do recall Chris offering free DVDs if you purchase his book (can’t remember when or where). Sounds like Chris wasn’t able to keep his end of the bargain. I doubt it’s stock issues either, we all know nobody is buying Chris’ DVDs outside of a tiny minority.

You have an explanation for this Chris? Or are we going to add “scam artist” to your list of crimes?

See you at the end of the month (or February) for more “highlights”.