I left that warning about going out of town as I had foolishly assumed Chris would actually release something. I should have known better by now. In fact, these last two videos weren’t even released on Friday, but Saturday.
We got two videos over ten minutes long about Mario. Why did I wait until now? Heard that it was a two-parter. In fact, my informant already told me that this is a three-parter, but I better get started now or else I’ll never see the whole thing.
First video. The title is “Super Mario Bros 1, 2, and 3 NES Controversy! Plus World 9-1 Hack?! Chris NEO Nintendo Retro Show”
Look at that glorious click bait! Only a step away from “SCANDAL”. All that InfoWars is sure paying off, too bad you can’t say the same from those 20 water filters you bought.
Considering the format of “Chris Neo” has been more boring lately, I think I’m done with timestamps. Especially when there’s long stretches of nothing. I’ll basically point out the bad bits and if there’s something really bad I’ll mention a specific time.
Video opens with him calling Super Mario Bros a game that changed the industry forever. Here we go…
He notes how kids all know Mario, but don’t know how big an impact the first game had. They don’t really care. Here’s your problem with history videos Chris, you hyper-focus on one thing when there isn’t enough to talk about. I think kids would be more interested in the history of Nintendo or the Mario series in general instead of just one game, and it’s not a game that had a tumultuous development like Sonic 06.
“Super Mario Bros is a very iconic game” And Chris wonders why nobody takes him seriously…
He pulls a “kids these days” claiming that kids won’t get why it’s a big deal. Guys, I think Chris is having a mid-life crisis.
Blah blah blah nothing else like it. See, I don’t feel the passion. That’s why Chris fails.
He brings up the video game crash while showing stock footage of him playing Centipede. Okay here’s the thing about the crash, it only affected the console market. Arcades and computers were perfectly fine. Just want to bring that up.
He goes on about how all the games back then were “repetitious”. Only if you looked at Arcade games. Computers had games like Ultima and Wizardry, expansive (at the time) RPGs that weren’t confined to a single screen like Dig Dug or Ms. Pac-Man (his examples).
He mentions how he got his NES on his birthday in 1986 (November) and the two games he got were Ghosts n’ Goblins and Super Mario Bros. He takes this time to once again bring up how Ghosts n’ Goblins sucked. It’s getting the point where the line between Bores and parody videos is blurring (this is like a moment in a Third Rate Gamer video).
Wait hold on. *double checks* What about Duck Hunt, Popeye and Mach Rider? In your “First 5 Video Games I owned on the NES” video, you mentioned those three in-between Super Mario Bros and Ghosts n’ Goblins. In fact you claimed that you exchanged Mach Rider for Ghosts n’ Goblins! Which is the truth Chris?
He gushes over how at the time all these aspects we take for granted were “so new and exciting”. Who are you targeting?
He gushes about how there’s more than four levels. This is really stupid.
“More secrets to discover!” What is with all this obvious shit?
And then I reached a moment that somewhat broke me. At around 4:04 Chris belts out a “Very cool!” with an inflection similar to Mike, Jay and Rich of RedLettterMedia during their “Nerd Crew” segment. Only without the complete irony those three deliver it in. Chris is reaching the level of vapid seen on IGN, Collider and Screen Junkies.
Blah blah blah world 3...
Mentions how you can move “outside the level”. Claiming it took him ages to find out you can do that in World 1-2. This is boring…
After about five minutes of gushing, he moves onto Super Mario Bros. 2. This should be brief since he already talked about it 11 years ago. … Right? Not much to say here?
He starts of saying that people missed the point of his original review. Oh really? Then please enlighten us as to the “real meaning”.
And he proceeds to repeat the exact same points he made in his video. About how it’s different and thus bad. Oh wait no it’s still “iconic” but it’s different so it’s bad. For fuck’s sake…
He even recycles footage from the first review.
And then goes on about how it’s really Doki Doki Panic. Okay, here’s something that needs to be brought up about that game. Doki Doki Panic is a licensed game. The characters are based on Fuji TV’s “Dream Factory” event, an expo that showed off upcoming TV shows, and the four featured in the game were mascots for the 1987 event. They legally can’t release it outside of Japan. If anything, Nintendo made the right choice to redo the game with Mario characters since the game itself is good. Nintendo has always had a “gameplay first, characters later” policy. Splatoon was almost a Mario game. The Wonderful 101 was almost a sister-series to Smash Bros.
I’ve heard people in Japan actually prefer “Super Mario USA” over Doki Doki (likely because the Mario version added some improvements like a run button even if it sacrificed saving).
Chris, what are you doing? No seriously, what are you doing? This is like the fifth time you’ve recycled an old video. TMNT comics, RoboCop on NES, Rayman Legends, Fruity Yummy Mummy, are you that creatively bankrupt that you need to keep recycling old ideas? Hell you keep going back to ghosts even though you lose money every time you do, you even admitted that! Is this why you do Puppet Steve? Because you don’t have even try with that one? “HEY KIDS look at this cool shit I got! I have this toy you fucking want and I can have it because I’m an adult with money! Even though I waste it on stupid paranormal shit! I’m so smrt kids! Be like Puppet Steve!”
“It didn’t make sense” Why not? Back then, a lot of NES sequels radically changed things. Zelda II was a side-scrolling RPG with high difficulty, Castlevania II had non-linear exploration (an early precursor of the Metroidvania style), Final Fantasy II had individual stat-leveling, Fire Emblem Gaiden had random encounters, this happened all the time on both sides of the world.
Okay he kept it brief. He moves onto Super Mario Bros. 3.
Goes on and on about how hard it was to find back then and there was no Amazon and eBay. This really does feel like a mid-life crisis video…
At around 6:56, he runs into a pipe with a fireball spitting Piranha Plant, and gets hit with no attempt at dodging it. FFL2and3Rocks came out of hiding to point that out in the comments with a sarcastic “Good job!”.
More “iconic”. There was this show on Sci-Fi around 2010 called Hollywood Treasure, a reality show that followed a group that auctioned off notable movie props. The head of the group had a bad habit of calling just about everything he saw “iconic”. It was like drinking game levels of usage.
“It was the perfect successor to Super Mario Bros 1!” Oh hey he got it right this time! Also, that wasn’t why Super Mario Bros 3 was “iconic”. People loved the first two games (and didn’t care 2 was different), it was advertised in The Wizard, and people overall loved Mario. They still do, Super Mario Odyssey sold millions.
“What made things even worst” … Did I hear that right? It sounded like he said “worst” instead of “worse”
Anyway he complains that magazines got exclusive access back then. So nothing has changed. Why not show these magazines instead of more gameplay footage? That would make the video more interesting.
He gushes about the “easter eggs” (he means secrets) that are “just like the first installment”. Mario 2 had secrets too. Mostly warp zones but they were there. Then again, when he said “easter egg” he showed footage of Mario getting a mushroom so I guess his concept of “hidden secrets” is vastly different from EVERYONE ELSE!
“The warps were back!” They were in 2! Ugh you are so terrible at this!
After about 8 minutes, he gets to the point of the video’s title. He takes out his best friend, the Game Genie.
Time for some over-acting! He shows off World 9-1 in all its glitch-y glory.
Are we supposed to be impressed? Super Mario Bros was easy to manipulate with Game Genie…
“I didn’t know this level was just sitting in this game here” It wasn’t. The Game Genie messes around with assets and features to make a hodge-podge of a level. Nintendo DID NOT MAKE THIS LEVEL! They actually have skilled level designers that understand the side-scroller (after playing Super Mario Maker, I have a greater appreciation for them). Nintendo would never make a level with off-colors and swimming in the sky.
“Of course we love the neon colors!” *lowers his glasses* Get rid of those! They’re not cool! You’re a moron!
The inevitable happens and the level freezes. What did you expect? It’s not something that’s meant to be.
“Locked somewhere in this game” It’s not locked! Ugh, you don’t know anything.
And the video is over, with him saying that he’ll look at more Game Genie shit next time. Hoo boy…
And of course, sponsorship! I can’t imagine these guys can support you forever.
And so, one week later, we get to Part 2.
The title this time “Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World Hack A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie”
Weird cross-promotion with the Letter People I mean Alphabet Bunch.
Interestingly, both videos are the exact same length. No idea if Chris planned this, but knowing his ego, he’ll claim that he did.
Thumbnail is also terrible looking. Chris’ floating head is wearing two of those stupid glasses. Barf.
Video opens, claims he made “huge waves” in the last episode and that this one will “blow your mind”. No. No it won’t. Also when he says that last part, it zooms in on each word. Where did you learn editing?
And now for the biggest lie of the video. Chris claims he never found any of this anywhere else on the internet. Nope. There’s videos, there’s forum posts, look up Game Genie codes and all of them are widely available and ready to use. You are full of shit Chris. So much shit. How you can even stand up-right without being weighed down by all the shit you’re full of is a miracle of science.
See, he’s even using a book as his guide. He acts like in the 28 years since the Game Genie was introduced, nobody has done a video about this.
“This Matrix thing” That’s a VERY thin connection to the Matrix. Random lines of code do not make it that.
We then get the reason for the stupid thumbnail. He finds a world where things are doubled, then it cuts him wearing two glasses and he says “Now that’s what I call double vision.” My head hurts…
He continues to claim World 9 is “hidden”. For fuck’s sake!
I know the book says “Lost Levels” but they’re not. They’re hacked levels made with the existing assists and code. Chris is just dumb enough to believe that because he’s dumb enough to worship Alex Jones and believe in ghosts.
“How come I’ve never heard of this?” Shut up.
Still calls Koopa Troopas “turtles”. Yep…
Wow this is boring. Like this level isn’t even that exciting and Chris’ commentary is just “Hey look at the thing”.
Oh god, more “I’ve never seen this” lies. Pointing out how the codes are similar with only one letter. Yeah that’s kind of code works in simple games like this. You just alter something slightly for different effects. This isn’t new stuff Chris.
He tries to act like he “figured something out” when puts P in the code and goes to World A, and acts like he solved it. Bullshit we know you looked this up. You’re not smart.
Shows off another hacked world…
Shows off another hacked world fuck this is boring
“Yep, just thrilling” You can’t call it boring when you’re being boring.
Shows off a hacked world that kills you instantly. “What a drop of douche bag!” … What? Also when he says that, the sound is muffled. Why has the sound been so bad in these videos?
Shows off another hacked world that’s similar to a previous one but doesn’t explain why. Then he edits in Ms. Pac-Man out of nowhere. Back to the shit gags of old.
Gets to what I hope is the last hacked world (since it’s G and G is the last letter in the title), and it’s exactly like World 1-2. Until he gets to the warp zone and goes down a pipe to Minus World.
Chris then goes on about how “smug” it is that it doesn’t need a letter. Dude, that’s Minus World, that’s a legendary glitch! How do you not know this? Oh right, Bores…
Shows off another hacked world, this one is somehow so glitchy that Mario moves on his own.
“No wonder they don’t call him Jumpman anymore” There’s two minutes left…
Shows off another one, this one doesn’t freeze when you progress, instead it has multiple levels.
He gets to the third and runs into Bowser, refers to him as King Koopa even though in the last video he was Bowser, and then gets killed. “Gosh damn it!” … Why? Just why?
“Damn Bowser” Wait, you’re calling him both? Pick one!
He shows off more hacked world and the video ends. But not before saying that next week is even more fucking Game Genie. It looks like Bores found his FNAF. Even though it gets nowhere near the amount of views. Oh god what’s going to happen when the FNAF movie comes out? I mean, I know there’s going to be like 40 Puppet Steve videos, but will Chris be crazy enough to do FNAF content on Irate G- I mean “Chris Neo”? If there’s views involved…
Yeah these were really boring. Nothing mind-blowing, just lazy click bait. I remember seeing a video on the Game Genie from someone much better, RinryGameGame. Looked her up and learned she hasn’t made a video in years. That’s a shame…
Chris clearly has no love or passion for this. It feels more like an obligation at this point. To who though? His sponsor? The small amount of people that still watch? His mid-life crisis?
If next week’s stupid video leads into a Part 4, I’ll wait for that. Otherwise I’ll write a post about Part 3.
Over on Puppet Steve, more Bendy, more FNAF, more Cuphead, and now he’s doing toys based on Hello Neighbor. I didn’t even realize that was popular enough to get toys. I only know of that game from Vinesauce when Vinny plays shitty Android games and plays a whole bunch of rip-offs.
And that’s it for me.