Sunday, October 14, 2018

When All You Have Left is Shilling Crappy Arcade Cabinets

We’ve got one hell of a video today. A near 13 minute pile of shilling crap, regurgitated from Puppet Steve.
Bores looks at one of those $350 arcade cabinets from Arcade1Up that are a complete waste of money as you can play these games elsewhere.
Specifically, he looks at the one that offers Asteroids, Major Havoc, Lunar Lander, and Tempest in one machine. Normally I’m all about supporting official releases, but over $300 for four really old titles… yeah go MAME if you really want that.
I should mention that there was a commercial for these Arcade cabinets that showed off various shills and appearances on daytime talk shows, and one such shill was Puppet Steve. So for a brief moment, he was in a YouTube commercial. It's gone now.

Let’s dig in.

He continues claiming he got exclusive coverage (he really should learn what that word means). Then he calls himself a “YouTube influencer”. Holy crap an actually funny joke! … Oh wait he was serious? Chris the only thing you influence is how NOT to make a gaming review show, how NOT to run a YouTube channel, and how NOT to handle drama.
He gushes over the fact it has a start-up screen. … This is the content.
“I’m sure everyone bought the Street Fighter one” No they didn’t. Again, these things are expensive.
States he’s not a Street Fighter fan. You’re not a video game fan period, I think we’ve long established that.
He then claims he’s a huge fan of Tempest. You’re going to see why that’s a big lie.
The way he keeps hitting the cabinet indicates it’s not made of a solid material. I can hear hollow thwacking.
Calls his room his “little game dungeon” with an “Avengers corner” with a bunch of comic book statues. How much did those statues cost Chris? Surely that money could have gone towards continuing Irate Gamer since before you said it was too expensive to keep going. It’s almost like you’re a massive pathological liar.

He describes the appearance of the machine. There’s no script is there?
He says he’s not familiar with Lunar Lander and Major Havoc.
Continues saying he only got the cabinet for Tempest. Claiming he played it all the time as a kid. Riiiiiiiight…
“You toggle that with this little toggle button” Oh my god…
“I’m sure with the other consoles- with the other cabinets” What’s weird is that this video is edited. There’s cuts and everything. Yet he’s leaving in clear mistakes, points where he should of said “I messed that up, I need to do another take”. So, no script, no effort, just pure shilling. I’m only 3 minutes in.

“You can’t play Tempest without this knob” Sure you can, just readjust the controls
Starts with Tempest, once again reminding us it’s his favorite. Jeeeeez
“It actually saves your high scores” WOW SO INNOVATIVE! Who would care about that?
He plays… and yeah he’s pretty terrible. He just keeps mashing the button, and dies really early. This is why I said he was lying earlier. I doubt he’s played this game at all.
Says the emulation is good because “people asked”, says the control is tight, but then claims the original had a roller ball. But you said earlier it was the knob. Editing Chris!
Then says he doesn’t have a problem with the controls. Gotta get those shill bucks.

Moves onto Asteroids. Calls it the most popular game on this console, then says to himself that it’s not a console. Were you on something when you recorded this?
Now here’s really weird cut. He tries to say that the games are all vector graphics, but in the middle of “graphics”, it cuts and you hear him say “games”. What happened here? How did you not notice this?
Then he says he doesn’t know how long he wants the audience to watch him play, as it would get boring. Well it’s already boring because it’s you Chris. But even then, why would you include that line? Do you have any idea what you were doing here?
He dies, let’s out an exaggerated “oh come on”, then look at the camera and says “crap like that takes me bbipjfoijfp;k” No joke, he just kind slurs the last part. Are you drunk?

Moves onto Major Havoc.
Claims the graphics are “a lot more advanced”. No not really, it’s still vector graphics.
Because he doesn’t know the game, he can’t say if it’s the same. Maybe you should have done some RESEARCH. I know you’re allergic to it and all but come on.
Boring gameplay… boring gameplay…
At one point it just cuts to black. Did he forget something here?
He also seems to fast-forward at points. I could be wrong.

Moves onto Lunar Lander
“I don’t know how to play this and what the point is” *looks at title* Gee, I wonder what the point of this game is.
He definitely fast forwards here. Dies once and gives up.

He’s done with these games. Yet somehow there’s still four more minutes of video. Hoo boy…
He shows a flier he got with the other cabinets. He gushes over the fact it’s labeled “Series One”, meaning there’s more in the works. More wastes of money.
And then some not-so-humble bragging about how he’s on good terms with someone at the company. But he clearly can’t remember who because he’s not sure if they’re a PR person or the fucking CEO. See, this feels like a lie. A gigantic can’t get your story straight lie.
He “confirms” Series Two is happening (not a shock), and that he told him that “lots of people” (aka just you) would love Ninja Turtles. That’s not going to happen, it’s a massive web of rights issues that this company more than likely doesn’t want to deal with.
“He didn’t come out and confirm it, but he did say they’re working on it”. That sounds more like a white lie to get you to go away. Something a parent tells their kid when they’re being annoying.
Then… at the 10 minute mark, three green circles show up out of nowhere. I have no idea why they showed up, I don’t think Chris ever mentions them. They’re just there. Did Chris also edit this while drunk? I mean he sounds drunk in the video but behind the scenes…
He also want the Simpsons arcade game. Again, far too many rights issues. Come on!
He claims they have enough pre-sales to sell out by November. I have trouble believing that. Chris, why don’t you mention the price?
He then brings up that these cabinets are hackable. Okay… pretty sure anyone that would want to do something like that has better tools for it. Why are you bringing this up?
He claims that they’re going to be even harder to find once “the hackers” open it up. You mean like how the PSP was harder to find when they broke it? Oh wait…

He brings up how the cabinets have different control configurations depending on the game. Like the Centipede one has a roller ball (or trackball)  but he clearly struggles trying to remember the name. Yeah it’s this moment that really makes me think he’s drunk, or on something. You couldn’t script this?
Claims there’s a secret cabinet. That’s dumb.
Still wants a TMNT cabinet. It won’t happen!
He also wants Gauntlet Legends. Weird…

And then some more delusion. He claims that Arcade1up will be looking at the comments of this video for suggestions. There’s barely any views on this, I don’t think anyone cares.

How much do these cost Chris? At no point did you mention the price. This was some terrible shilling. What a mess of a video.

What are you even trying to accomplish Chris? What is the goal of “Chris Neo”? It’s clear to me that you have no idea what you’re doing, or what you want. You’re not even scripting things, or even properly editing them. You leave in mistakes and the whole thing comes off as unprofessional.
Either give up, or quit Puppet Steve and focus on this. But then again, Puppet Steve has given you over 400k subscribers, a goal you never got close to with Irate Gamer. That’s a lot of dumb kids.

The delusion continues over on Facebook as he says he talked to a TV executive about putting his ghost crap on TV. Chris… give that up. You’re not going to get your stupid paranormal shit on TV, and by some miracle you do it’s going to be on some channel that barely gets viewers. Nobody bought your book, nobody bought your Haunted Investigators or Pursuit of the Paranormal, nobody cares.

Over on Puppet Steve, he recently did a video on Fortnite. Well, a plushie of the Loot Llama. Bravo Chris, coming into Fortnite MONTHS late. Chris really knows how to strike the iron while it’s hot. Just like his Thanos video a month after Infinity War came out.
Also some more FNAF cereal. I will never understand his obsession with cereal.

That’s it for me. Enjoy yourselves everyone.