Sunday, October 14, 2018

When All You Have Left is Shilling Crappy Arcade Cabinets

We’ve got one hell of a video today. A near 13 minute pile of shilling crap, regurgitated from Puppet Steve.
Bores looks at one of those $350 arcade cabinets from Arcade1Up that are a complete waste of money as you can play these games elsewhere.
Specifically, he looks at the one that offers Asteroids, Major Havoc, Lunar Lander, and Tempest in one machine. Normally I’m all about supporting official releases, but over $300 for four really old titles… yeah go MAME if you really want that.
I should mention that there was a commercial for these Arcade cabinets that showed off various shills and appearances on daytime talk shows, and one such shill was Puppet Steve. So for a brief moment, he was in a YouTube commercial. It's gone now.

Let’s dig in.

He continues claiming he got exclusive coverage (he really should learn what that word means). Then he calls himself a “YouTube influencer”. Holy crap an actually funny joke! … Oh wait he was serious? Chris the only thing you influence is how NOT to make a gaming review show, how NOT to run a YouTube channel, and how NOT to handle drama.
He gushes over the fact it has a start-up screen. … This is the content.
“I’m sure everyone bought the Street Fighter one” No they didn’t. Again, these things are expensive.
States he’s not a Street Fighter fan. You’re not a video game fan period, I think we’ve long established that.
He then claims he’s a huge fan of Tempest. You’re going to see why that’s a big lie.
The way he keeps hitting the cabinet indicates it’s not made of a solid material. I can hear hollow thwacking.
Calls his room his “little game dungeon” with an “Avengers corner” with a bunch of comic book statues. How much did those statues cost Chris? Surely that money could have gone towards continuing Irate Gamer since before you said it was too expensive to keep going. It’s almost like you’re a massive pathological liar.

He describes the appearance of the machine. There’s no script is there?
He says he’s not familiar with Lunar Lander and Major Havoc.
Continues saying he only got the cabinet for Tempest. Claiming he played it all the time as a kid. Riiiiiiiight…
“You toggle that with this little toggle button” Oh my god…
“I’m sure with the other consoles- with the other cabinets” What’s weird is that this video is edited. There’s cuts and everything. Yet he’s leaving in clear mistakes, points where he should of said “I messed that up, I need to do another take”. So, no script, no effort, just pure shilling. I’m only 3 minutes in.

“You can’t play Tempest without this knob” Sure you can, just readjust the controls
Starts with Tempest, once again reminding us it’s his favorite. Jeeeeez
“It actually saves your high scores” WOW SO INNOVATIVE! Who would care about that?
He plays… and yeah he’s pretty terrible. He just keeps mashing the button, and dies really early. This is why I said he was lying earlier. I doubt he’s played this game at all.
Says the emulation is good because “people asked”, says the control is tight, but then claims the original had a roller ball. But you said earlier it was the knob. Editing Chris!
Then says he doesn’t have a problem with the controls. Gotta get those shill bucks.

Moves onto Asteroids. Calls it the most popular game on this console, then says to himself that it’s not a console. Were you on something when you recorded this?
Now here’s really weird cut. He tries to say that the games are all vector graphics, but in the middle of “graphics”, it cuts and you hear him say “games”. What happened here? How did you not notice this?
Then he says he doesn’t know how long he wants the audience to watch him play, as it would get boring. Well it’s already boring because it’s you Chris. But even then, why would you include that line? Do you have any idea what you were doing here?
He dies, let’s out an exaggerated “oh come on”, then look at the camera and says “crap like that takes me bbipjfoijfp;k” No joke, he just kind slurs the last part. Are you drunk?

Moves onto Major Havoc.
Claims the graphics are “a lot more advanced”. No not really, it’s still vector graphics.
Because he doesn’t know the game, he can’t say if it’s the same. Maybe you should have done some RESEARCH. I know you’re allergic to it and all but come on.
Boring gameplay… boring gameplay…
At one point it just cuts to black. Did he forget something here?
He also seems to fast-forward at points. I could be wrong.

Moves onto Lunar Lander
“I don’t know how to play this and what the point is” *looks at title* Gee, I wonder what the point of this game is.
He definitely fast forwards here. Dies once and gives up.

He’s done with these games. Yet somehow there’s still four more minutes of video. Hoo boy…
He shows a flier he got with the other cabinets. He gushes over the fact it’s labeled “Series One”, meaning there’s more in the works. More wastes of money.
And then some not-so-humble bragging about how he’s on good terms with someone at the company. But he clearly can’t remember who because he’s not sure if they’re a PR person or the fucking CEO. See, this feels like a lie. A gigantic can’t get your story straight lie.
He “confirms” Series Two is happening (not a shock), and that he told him that “lots of people” (aka just you) would love Ninja Turtles. That’s not going to happen, it’s a massive web of rights issues that this company more than likely doesn’t want to deal with.
“He didn’t come out and confirm it, but he did say they’re working on it”. That sounds more like a white lie to get you to go away. Something a parent tells their kid when they’re being annoying.
Then… at the 10 minute mark, three green circles show up out of nowhere. I have no idea why they showed up, I don’t think Chris ever mentions them. They’re just there. Did Chris also edit this while drunk? I mean he sounds drunk in the video but behind the scenes…
He also want the Simpsons arcade game. Again, far too many rights issues. Come on!
He claims they have enough pre-sales to sell out by November. I have trouble believing that. Chris, why don’t you mention the price?
He then brings up that these cabinets are hackable. Okay… pretty sure anyone that would want to do something like that has better tools for it. Why are you bringing this up?
He claims that they’re going to be even harder to find once “the hackers” open it up. You mean like how the PSP was harder to find when they broke it? Oh wait…

He brings up how the cabinets have different control configurations depending on the game. Like the Centipede one has a roller ball (or trackball)  but he clearly struggles trying to remember the name. Yeah it’s this moment that really makes me think he’s drunk, or on something. You couldn’t script this?
Claims there’s a secret cabinet. That’s dumb.
Still wants a TMNT cabinet. It won’t happen!
He also wants Gauntlet Legends. Weird…

And then some more delusion. He claims that Arcade1up will be looking at the comments of this video for suggestions. There’s barely any views on this, I don’t think anyone cares.

How much do these cost Chris? At no point did you mention the price. This was some terrible shilling. What a mess of a video.

What are you even trying to accomplish Chris? What is the goal of “Chris Neo”? It’s clear to me that you have no idea what you’re doing, or what you want. You’re not even scripting things, or even properly editing them. You leave in mistakes and the whole thing comes off as unprofessional.
Either give up, or quit Puppet Steve and focus on this. But then again, Puppet Steve has given you over 400k subscribers, a goal you never got close to with Irate Gamer. That’s a lot of dumb kids.

The delusion continues over on Facebook as he says he talked to a TV executive about putting his ghost crap on TV. Chris… give that up. You’re not going to get your stupid paranormal shit on TV, and by some miracle you do it’s going to be on some channel that barely gets viewers. Nobody bought your book, nobody bought your Haunted Investigators or Pursuit of the Paranormal, nobody cares.

Over on Puppet Steve, he recently did a video on Fortnite. Well, a plushie of the Loot Llama. Bravo Chris, coming into Fortnite MONTHS late. Chris really knows how to strike the iron while it’s hot. Just like his Thanos video a month after Infinity War came out.
Also some more FNAF cereal. I will never understand his obsession with cereal.

That’s it for me. Enjoy yourselves everyone.

54 comments:

  1. His high on Tempest seems a bit low for someone who is a huge fan of the game. You could excuse that by saying he didn't play much of it before filming the review but that brings us to another recurring problem with Chris' reviews. He flaps his gums about products he is not very familiar with.

    The spinner knob is very clearly sticking and yet Chris glosses over this.

    I was not a huge fan of Tempest and I did not play it very much but it looks like he is holding the spinner knob in an awkward manner. It has been many years since I have played a Tempest arcade machine but I feel I was able to rest the base of my hand comfortably on the machine and manipulate the spinner easily. Can somebody else chime in on this? This could be fuzzy memory on my part and I don't want to criticize him unfairly.

    By the way, Chris is claiming that paranormal TV show he discussed with an "executive" could impact the UFO community.

    Does this "breakthrough" Chris made over the summer involve UFOs?

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  2. Can anyone imagine if Chris decides to make Finger Family and Johnny Johnny music videos?

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    Replies
    1. He'd frame it as a review of sugar.

      Delete
  3. No video for the 17th, and it stands out. Even though he accomplishes it by shameful skimping on content, you gotta give him some credit for sheer volume.

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  4. "Normally I’m all about supporting official releases, but over $300 for four really old titles… yeah go MAME if you really want that."

    I disagree. This is an arcade cabinet that emulates the arcade experience, not a compilation that was released on a console. It could be cheaper, but still less expensive than an actual arcade cabinet, not to mention it saves more space. Yes, there is MAME, but not everyone wants to go the illegal route.

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    Replies
    1. too bad the build quality on these units are terrible

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  5. Has Chris even brought up Street Fighter at any point before this video?

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  6. Random cuts, black screens, behavior comparable to intoxication... Oh no! That isn't Tempest, it's Polybius! That'd certainly explain his inexplicable enthusiasm for it, since it's addictive to the point of mind control.

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  7. Yeah, so his new scam is artificially lengthening his videos by tacking an earlier video onto the end of a new one, maximizing view-seconds or whatever YouTube measures. I believe he's done it before, but it's a firm pattern now.

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    Replies
    1. Are they earlier videos? Chris is definitely cramming two videos in each upload but from the couple I looked at they seemed to be new (unless the second videos are from a really long time ago; I didn't look that far back).

      YouTube's current algorithm favors longer videos. When people spend more time watching a single video the content creator benefits. Looks like Chris is taking the lazy way out.

      Delete
    2. Today's Hello Neighbor mini figures add-on video originally went up in July. Before that I dunno.

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    3. I honestly don't see anything wrong with this, especially since it is very common on YouTube.

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    4. @Harrod Oh, indeed? Then yeah, Chris is just being lazy but still wants to benefit from longer videos.

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    5. He may not be badly hurting anyone, but it creates a false appearance that his videos feature more information than they do, when in fact the back end is padded with old content that his fans have already sat through and which is no longer timely (if, coming from Bores, it was ever particularly timely).

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    6. @MacDragard It is not the worst thing that Chris has ever done but it highlights how lazy he really is. YouTube's monetization algorithm favors longer videos? Fine, most creators simply produce longer videos. Chris is taking older videos from months ago and tacking them on to new videos to pad their length. I am not aware of successful YouTubers who do this but then again I do not watch the biggest stars on that site.

      Delete
  8. Man. I was almost ready to give him credit for today's Project Zorgo video for actually trying something a little different, but a couple minutes in it's another toy commercial, and the dipwad seems to believe that your website being hacked means that the hackers are physically sneaking around inside your house. This may call for its own article, Dan.

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    Replies
    1. Well, the "hacker" did claim he was raiding the house but it is not clear why a home invader would take off his shoes. It's a dumb skit but at least it's more than simply dangling toys in front of the camera and saying "cool!". Also better than cramming older episodes at the end just to pad the total length.

      One of the kids in the comments section asked Puppet Steve if the channel was really hacked.

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    2. I guess it's admirable that he's trying to do more storyline than wiggling dolls back and forth, but it's hard not to see this cynically. It feels like an attempt to attach his wagon to Zorgo's theater and pick up some views from people searching "Zorgo."

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    3. That may well be; I have never heard of Zorgo before this video. Knowing Chris, he absolutely is trying to cash in on the popularity of others.

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  9. OT: New Halloween movie was pretty good. I've only seen the original and I heard that's all I need to see because this movie pretends all the sequels don't exist (and the sequels are crap anyways). I still of course prefer the original because it was a simple low-budget independent film that just worked really well.

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    Replies
    1. so you've only seen the first but already declare the non-canon sequels crap? Sounds like some shit Bores would do. While the sequels aren't oscar worthy movies, they aren't all bad. 2 was good, 3's a cult classic. 4-6 tried, but over explained. H2O is considered one of the "best" sequels in the franchise...and Resurrection..well yeah that was pretty shit..although I'll give it credit for doing the internet thing before it was really popular...it probably would've fared better in the late aughts/early 10's when the internet was really into streaming.

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    2. Honestly I don't care for horror movies, although I watched the first Halloween years ago because James Rolfe made it sound interesting. I didn't bother to watch the sequels although I heard the 2nd and 3rd were good and everything after just got worse and worse, so I didn't bother.

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  10. That waste of life is still going...?

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  11. new Nerd videos on Amazon. RE: Survivor and Super/Virtual Hyedlide. The RE one's pretty good. He really goes all out with effects like re-creating the RE/2 intro sequence in AVGN fashion, and inserting himself in FMV cut scenes

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  12. Rewatched the first season of Castlevania and the first episode of the second tonight. What a gyp! There was plenty of violence in it, but no "Erotic Violence"!

    Why would anyone care to see the conditions surrounding Lisa's death or calls forward to Curse of Darkness when you could have pornographic gambling?

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  13. Is there gonna be a top ten (or whatever number) worst Bore-esss moments this year? Or are is Batdan gonna make us wait to find out?

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  14. Happy Halloween all!!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CLnY7HKdymY

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  15. It seems that Chris has made his Facebook profile private. That or he deleted it which I doubt.

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  16. His personal page looks like it's been deactivated, but he has an "official" page here:

    Chris Bores

    The last post on there is from August 9 where he said his paranormal website was hacked.

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  17. Replies
    1. Sad... and an explanation for no Halloween content from, you know, an expert on the afterlife with a zombie puppet.

      James, meanwhile, livestreamed two movies with group commentary and followed it up with a looping marathon of all his horror movie reviews.

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    2. All jokes aside, I have to say my deepest condolences to you, Chris. Of all people, a father is the hardest one to have to bear to lose. Hang in there.

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  18. To the Bores family:

    I am so sorry about your loss. I hope your family has many fond memories and you can all give each other strength.

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  19. Has anyone watched the Smash Direct today?

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    Replies
    1. Yeah, what a blunder.

      but hey, neither of the 2 persistent cancerious leaks were true for the most part, but even then it was a lame dissapointment, oh and a fucking carved content DLC character ''because its not finished yet'' even tough it looks pretty damn finished to everyone else.

      honestly, i would been happy with Shantae or Banjo, but realistically, Shantae had like 0 chances even as an assist trophy, and the fans are all that happy over a fucking google image as a ''spirit''.

      Oh yeah, the spirits.............

      they are just google images replacing normal trophies.

      Yeah, this was lame.

      Delete
  20. Not expecting anyone to respond, knowing that it's me leaving a comment, but THE MARVELOUS KIMMY is now available as a paperback!

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  21. wonder if he'll use his ghost hunting training to talk to his dad

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    Replies
    1. That's was very uncalled for man.

      To Chris Bores, Linda, and the rest of family, you have my sincerest condolences on the loss of your father, husband, and another member of your family respectively.

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    2. Yeah, that was too far YouTubed. It's fine to insult Bores' terrible videos, ego, and delusions, but leave his deceased father out of it.

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    3. You guys took the words right out of my mouth. How would you feel if someone made a snide comment after someone you were close to passed away?

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    4. chris is the same guy who made light of REAL tragedies such as the school shootings, and tried to monetize off a dead man. So he gets no sympathy.

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    5. You ever heard of "two wrongs don't make a right?" Seriously?

      Yes, Bores has done a lot of awful things. I still think he's a scumbag and an overall terrible person. But insulting his DECEASED father is NOT. FREAKING. COOL!!! Jeez, what the hell is wrong with you?

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    6. Now who's the one who's making light of a real tragedy, such as somebody losing his father?

      Delete
  22. Guys, there's something thats been bothering me for a while. Something from way back. His Tekken video. Even though it could be said for his other stuff, how could he not know that this game has had other sequels? I am also still mad that he genuinely not know that it was a fucking FIGHTING GAME. That video is the reason he blocked me. Sorry for the randomness

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  23. Replies
    1. An absolute legend. His legacy will outlive us all.

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    2. Yeah he wrote made some of the best comics in the 60’s. Every hero he co created had flaws and were very human, He always had a knack for personality. That’s what made Marvel successful. RIP Stan Lee.

      Delete
  24. How much suck would an irate gamer suck if an irate gamer could suck suck?!?!

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  25. Pat Contri might be the next person as scummy as Irate Gamer. He made a video calling people not liking "Diablo Immortal" as "Entitled Babies". He got quite a bit of dislikes, and has been getting quite a bit of dislikes since then.

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  26. In about eight months:

    "POKÉMON: DETECTIVE PIKACHU. Rated R. Starts Friday."

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