Bores-formers: Nothing Makes Sense At All

*looks at IG’s Socialblade* Man, either small gains or small losses, this is pretty bad for a partner with over 130k subs. Not sure how looking up Socialblade is considered “stalking”, it’s a public site that anyone can access. Is it any different from looking up box office records or NPD sales?

Oh, he’s got a new video. But before I get to that, a couple of things to bring up.
His site updated a few days ago, mentioning that he’s working on a “big project”. What could be it be? Well, my Facebook informant saw an update from him talking about Haunted Investigators and that he’s “forced to secrecy”. By who? You’re the sole producer!
So yeah, it’s very likely this “big project” is more sleep-inducing nonsense about ghosts. Unless it’s miraculously exciting, don’t expect a recap on it.

A while ago, I contacted Eric “Wise Sage” Allen with a plea to stop LadyBuggin777 as she’s out of control and out of her mind, even bringing up the theory that it’s Chris pulling a Norman Bates. Unfortunately, he can’t do anything. He also confirmed that Chris is not pretending to be her, it really is her, and she has access to IG’s account. This would explain the angry “go cry to momma” and “I’m better than you because I make money” PM responses.

Meaning that screencap I posted a while ago? It was her not realizing which account she was using when throwing temper tantrums at “trolls”. She quickly shifted the blame on his crew “clowning around”. Funny how this “crew” somehow manages to type the exact same way she does, right down to the grammar.

Eric also told me he hasn’t been involved in the show for a while. I have sneaking suspicion that he’s trying to write out the Wise Sage. He was last seen in the RoboCop 2 & 3 review and that was nearly a year ago. Hell, he wasn’t included in that “Irate Gamer Colorform” set, yet Not-Wilson was. A Home Improvement recolor is now more important than the only person willing to appear in your videos.

Anywho, it’s a Neo video (big shock) and it’s on… Transformers: Fall of Cybertron? Oh wow, a game review within a fortnight of its release. Meaning he likely didn’t beat it.
By the way Chris, it’s just “Cybertron” not “CyberTron”. It’s not a porn version of the movie Tron.

0:06 - 0:56: The video starts out with him introducing the game, and when he gets to the footage he brings up that he played this at E3. For those that do an Irate Gamer drinking game, please add “I played this at E3” to your list, and take a shot every time he does that.
Then for whatever reason he brings up that he just watched Transformers: Dark of the Moon, and that it’s a competent action movie but it doesn’t please him as a Transformers fan because it didn’t have the characters he recognized. You don’t say?
He said playing this game made him feel like a kid again. How strange since this isn’t the G1 continuity, it’s an all new one that… never mind this is getting too nerdy.

He praises the story, cut scenes and fighting, lists off a few characters he recognizes and then curses Michael Bay because they weren’t in the movies. After reading the script to his shelved TMNT movie, loyalty to the source material is the LAST thing you should expect from him. I know he was only producing, but his trademarks were all over it.

0:57 - 1:19: He keeps going on about the characters, and says he can tell the creators were hardcore Transformers fans. Didn’t one of their reps tell you this himself at E3? It’s kind of a given since War for Cybertron was fairly faithful too.

We then cut to IG in a wide shot, giving away that something will show up on screen. My bet is on an Energon cube falling from the ceiling.
He brings up that you not only play as the good guys, but also the bad guys. Yeah, I’m getting the feeling that outside of that 5-10 minutes at E3 2010, he didn’t actually play War for Cybertron.
After he brings up the bad guys, Megatron walks in (still with the Starscream voice) and says it’s his time to shine. IG tells him that he only shows up at the end. The end? There’s 13 chapters and Megatron’s first playable chapter is 9. Sure it’s near the end but the way you phrased that made it sound like he only shows up in the final chapter. At least this implies he beat the game, or he watched a walkthrough on YouTube.
Of course, Megatron gets mad, walks off, and IG gives his stare at the camera and shrugs. Because he still thinks this is a wacky sitcom.

1:20 - 2:13: He brings up that at E3 he had trouble with the controls but believes they fixed them since then. For some reason it cuts to a shot of him, and he says “Well said, narrator” Wait, that’s NOT supposed to be you? How… wha? My eyes are leaking a mysterious navy blue fluid, I think it’s insanity.
The “narrator” even thanks him. Where the hell did this from? Is it like Haunted Investigators where you’re so obviously the narrator but you still refer to yourself in the third person like the narrator is someone else?

IG brings up that while there’s action missions, there’s also first-person sniper missions. He says he doesn’t go for first-person games because they consist of killing the enemies, waiting, killing the enemies, waiting, all while we cut to him doing that. I believe the proper term is “cover”, as in take cover so you don’t die from the storm of bullets turning you into swiss cheese.. Not every FPS is like that, just the overrated popular ones. You sure it’s not because of your self-diagnosed vertigo?
He prefers to run and gun and throw himself into the action, which gets him killed in two seconds. Well, it’s not the game’s fault that you suck Chris. We’ve gone over this so many times now.

He brings up that there were a few moments he kept dying on, but is thankful for the ability to switch difficulties, as we see him go down to easy mode. Chris Bores on Easy Mode? What a rare occurrence!
“I’m taking the easy way out! Don’t like it? Sue me!” Lawsuit? Nah, would be too frivolous. Mock you for once again going on easy? Oh ho ho ho most certainly.

Now for his final verdict.
Blah blah blah fans of show will love it especially if 80’s don’t care.
And then he signs out with Megatron-scream saying his catchphrase… and Bores tackling him. He’s also somehow taller than him. Either this is a mini-Megatron clone (would explain the higher-pitched voice), a Minicon that looks exactly like G1 Megatron, or Bores has no sense of scale or didn’t care just to make this stupid joke. The last one sounds the most logical.

So that was… somewhere between the bad and the mediocre. It was barely a review, spending way too much time on his nostalgia. All we got out of it is that he doesn’t like first-person shooters and “Transformers = Cool”. The bits with Megatron-scream were facepalm-inducing, and that “Well said narrator” part just really bugs me. At least when other shows address the narrator, it’s obviously a different voice. Like when Winnie the Pooh did it.

By the way, new drinking game addition. Take a shot every time his controller is off, it happens so much with his PS3 controller. How can you tell it’s off? There’s no red light on the top. As well no blue light on his Wii remote and no green light on his 360 controller (though these last two consoles are rare now as he’s gone full-blown PS3 fanboy).

That’s it for now. He also said on his site he’s working on a new regular IG episode so… late September maybe?