A Pointless Reminder of the Obvious. Ports of Arcade Games Tend to Suck

We’re back to video games! Was that so hard? So what will Chris talk about with his actual fans? Will he talk about the Super Mario 3D All Stars, and despite the games being great it’s kind of a lazy collection? Will he talk about Among Us and how it’s basically a video game adaptation of The Thing? Maybe he’ll be fast and talk about Microsoft’s shocking purchase of Bethesda. 

Pffft of course not. That would require Chris to care.

Instead it’s this: Arcade Games vs. Console Ports - Pacman Atari 2600, NES Donkey Kong & More! The IRATE Gamer

More recycled content. You talked about Donkey Kong five years ago! What’s the point in bringing back Irate Gamer if you’re not really going to talk about anything new? Granted, there’s a lot of other games as well since the video is 16:45 long. Oh lord…. This is going to hurt isn’t it?

 

The video opens with IG talking about how “Arcades are making a comeback” because of companies like Arcade 1Up, and others making small replicas of Arcade games. Fairly sure the only recent thing is Arcade 1Up, the other stuff has been done for years. If actual non-Dave & Buster’s Arcades were making a comeback, then that would be something worth celebrating.
When saying this, he shows off various mini-Arcade cabinets he has. This is going to be one of those “Look at my toys” videos isn’t it? Shit…

Because “last time” was about the TMNT Arcade game (technically it was the Urkel cereal but whatever) he’s going to talk about other Arcade games he grew up with. Taking that with a grain of salt.

“Today, we’re going to be talking about Arcade ports and comparing them to their Arcade game counterparts” Don’t you mean “Console ports of arcade games?” An “Arcade port” would be a game ported to the Arcade. Like Skullgirls (started on PS3 and 360, ported to Arcade and many other systems) and Street Fighter V (started on PS4 and PC, ported to Arcade). I’m just saying, you have to watch your vernacular. 

Theme Song. The “Inspired by AVGN” bit includes the screaming scene in it.

But first, a supposed sponsorship from Super Rare Games. A company similar to Limited Run Games that prints physical Switch copies of digital-only titles. For the PAL region. Yeah, I know Switch is region-free, but wouldn’t it make more sense to have a PAL region YouTuber promote them? Assuming this is an actual sponsorship because Chris has once again said nothing in the description. No link or anything. Isn’t that against the rules?

Also, are you going to talk about Dandara: Trials of Fear? You have it right there.

He starts with Pac-Man.

“Pie-sliced chomper” You mean pizza pie, right?

“This game may seem passe by today’s standards” No not really. People still love Championship Edition. Why not play that instead of wasting hundreds on emulated replicas?

He goes on about how Pac-Man was unique and how he was the first mascot. Probably correct as I can’t find any conflicting info.

When he lists off other things you played as at the time, he brings up Pong but says you control “pong balls”. No, you control the paddles and hit the ball. 

Also, he calls out the 1978 Arcade game Frogs for some reason. 

Game was a hit, so Atari wanted to port it to the VCS/2600. Final product looked terrible.

IG plays it… not much here…

“This really wrinkles my shit” … Do you just madlib your cursing now?

He brings up how everyone tears into this game now, but once again brings up the “Phantom Menace Effect” Bullshit! You were 3 when this came out! There’s no way you were aware of people praising this game.

He claims he heard nobody complain about this. Probably because they were ignoring its existence. Yes, it’s the best-selling 2600 game of all time (7 million copies) but that wasn’t due to some philosophical “It’s Pac-Man it must good” mindset. It was marketing and the idea of playing that game you loved at the pizza parlor in your home. Only to get something ugly and wrong. Pac-Man was one of the biggest contributors to the Video Game Crash. It made people realize a lot of games were low quality and not worth buying. 

Something something 2600 version was worse, get the 5200 version. Oh hey, emulator use. Because I doubt Chris has a properly working Atari 5200.

He complains that the aspect ratio is too wide and “squishes” it with his fingers. Bleh…

He claims it’s close, then loses it over Inky being green rather than cyan and says the 5200 version sucks. … Lame lame joke.

He moves onto the NES version, and holds up the licensed and unlicensed versions. He mispronounces Tengen, saying it with a soft G (as in generation) rather than a hard G (as in golf). Someone did call this out on of his comment sections, and he apologized. So that’s something at least.

“This game is just what Dr. Mario ordered!” Stop. Just stop. Are you trying to get on new G4 or something?

Says it’s almost perfect, just that the colors are flat. Meh…

He moves onto Donkey Kong.

First looking at the 2600 version. Says it looks like shit, compares it to someone going to a buffet and “shitting in the refried beans”. That’s just gross. Who goes to a buffet?

“A bunch of shitty beans!” You will never top diarrhea dickwaffles Chris, just forget about it.

He briefly mentions the Atari 7800 port, calls it “shit-free refried beans”. Why beans? What does that have to do with Donkey Kong?

Then he brings up the NES port and how it’s basically perfect. Well yeah, Nintendo themselves made it for their hardware. Of course the original creators would do it the best.

And he brings up how the conveyer belt level is missing. You already did this five years ago Chris. Get new material.

Moves on to BurgerTime. Why does Chris care so much for this game? Is it the burgers?

Original Arcade game good, Atari 2600 version bad. Yeah yeah yeah… is this going to be the same thing repeated over and over?

“This eyesore of a game has so much ASS coming out of it, this is the first eyesore that becomes an ass sore!” … What? What were you trying to go for here?

He compares the hot dog enemy (which he calls a sausage) to a dick. Did Game Dude write that line?

He tells us that the point is that the graphics were weaker. No duh

And that Arcades were dying out in the 90’s because consoles were catching up. I’d say it’s more around the mid-2000’s that they truly started dying. Fighting games really juiced things in the late 90’s.

He starts talking about Pac-Mania.

He loved the Arcade version because it looked like Pac-Man and Lego combined. He hates the NES version because it doesn’t look like Lego. It looks fine to me. Again, the NES would not be capable of Arcade level graphics, no matter what. He also calls the NES port a “Pac-Pile of Porcupine Piss”. Get it? Because they all start with P. The game looks fine, I don’t know what your problem is. 

“Downgraded dumpster fire!” … How does Chris still not get it?  NES ports of Arcade games are not going to look as good as the original! We have gone over this time and time again. How does he not get it?

He pulls a “if you think THAAAAT’S BAAAAD” and moves on to another franchise that really got hampered by console limitations. Dragon’s Lair.

You don’t say. Dragon’s Lair was limited by old video game consoles? What an utter shock! Seriously, it was basically an animated movie, no duh it wasn’t going to work on the NES. Obviously they had to make concessions and do something original. Sure, it wasn’t good, but they tried something at least.

Blah blah blah, Dragon’s Lair was revolutionary.

He admits he sucked at it and rather waited for someone good to come by and play it instead. By good, he means someone that figured out the routes because there’s not much skill to this. Just trial and error. The whole point was to eat quarters.

“Some dummy came along” It’s not dumb to want to try and bring a popular game to popular system. They had a great idea, just poor execution. 

“This has to be the same game, right?” Your fault for being stupid. Anyone with a brain would realize that the Arcade game would have to be changed for the NES.

“8-Bit bent boner bastard of a game” … Huh? Are you browsing the CWC Wiki?

“Looked terrible” Not really. For NES, the graphics and animations aren’t too bad. The game’s problems lie in the controls and difficulty.

We then get a death montage where some of them he’s clearly dying on purpose. Claiming that it replicates hitting the “right button at the right time” method like in the Arcade. … Not really. While there is timing and trial & error, it’s done in a different way.

He also brings up the SNES version, which I don’t know much about but it doesn’t look as bad. You don’t die in one hit at least. But no, his main complaint is “too many enemies”. Nothing about controls or gameplay or anything that makes a game a game. Because fuck doing actual reviewing!

He shows the Sega CD version which suffers compression issues. Then makes a joke about his old printer that I’m sure only amused him.

Then he claims that we wouldn’t get a proper port until the Playstation. You mean the Playstation 2? Because I can’t find a PS1 port. Also, there were ports for Macintosh, Phillips CD-I, Jaguar CD, Windows, and even DVD players. Dragon’s Lair really got around.

By the way, when Chris shows footage from Dragon’s Lair, he’s using the phone version. It’s on modern consoles, he should have gone for those.

He brings up 1942 and Commando and says they’re too faithful because you only get three lives, with no way to continue. Yawn…

EDIT: Turns out Commando on NES does have continues. Something tells me Chris either didn't play it, or never got far enough to know that you can continue. Thanks to Gary Sargent for letting me know.

Shows some other games, then goes on to… Ghosts N’ Goblins. Jeeeez, more recycled material?! Look, this would be okay if you were re-visiting something, give it a better look, correct mistakes you made. But you’re not doing that. You’re just being lazy.

He cries again about it being hard and not getting past the first level. Oh my god, the first level is not that hard! It’s the second level that really screws you over. Just admit you suck.

He also brings up how you see the level map every time you die and… Devil Bores returns. Hold on, didn’t Chris say in one of his livestreams that he was going to stop using Satan because it was a “stupid gimmick”? Did he lie? Also, doesn’t this go against his lunacy on the Ghost Doctor about how “DA SATANISM IS EVERYWHERE” or something? 

Chris’ voice for his devil version is also different. Not as deep. Did he forget how to do it after all this time? He makes a comment about he’s not smoking, but I figured that would be related to how he’s not coughing. Blaaaaaaah.

“What’s the point of a game if you can’t even reach the second level” *takes out megaphone* GET GOOD. Also, Ghosts N’ Goblins does have the ability to let you continue. Of course, you’d know that if you weren’t such a bitch about it.

He then goes into the “next batch” (whatever that means) with Ikari Warriors and Contra (more recycling!) I should note that there’s real bad jump cut when he holds up the cartridges. Come on Chris, that’s just incompetent.

These were better because of codes that made it easier. Well in Ikari Warriors case, that was kind of needed since it’s a technical mess of a port.

EDIT: PrinceMario has informed me that Chris was showing footage of Ikari Warriors II instead of the first game. Seems this video is just loaded with misinformation. 

Then IG reveals that he didn’t know Contra was an Arcade game. What happened to you beloved research Chris? You should have known that!

He’s “surprised” that the NES port was a better game because of various changes and “extra levels”. That's not quite the case. They reworked the levels to be different, like combining the second and third Arcade level into one and splitting the final level into four.

He praises the game some more. … Sooooo we’re just going to pretend those videos from 2008 didn’t happen? Hello?

Then he brings up Paperboy, says NES is better because it’s slower.

Then mentions Spyhunter was better because slower. … Was it though? They both look fairly fast.

You’re also forgetting to mention how you didn’t have to pay quarters every time you played. How about that.

Then he claims the best Arcade-to-NES jump is Punch-Out. Again, that’s on Nintendo, who in this case decided to make a completely different game. Sure, you still had Little Mac, but you had way more opponents. Plus, no Pizza Pasta.

Then IG gives a spiel that kind of sounds like he thinks the Arcade version came out after? He’s really odd about it. Like he calls the different characters “new fighters”. Even though the Arcade version came out in 1983, and the NES version came out 1987. Then he says he wants nothing to do with the Arcade version. Why not? At least play it out of curiosity. It is on the Switch now.

Then he goes on about how some were good, most were bad. Yeah yeah yeah…

He goes over to his Arcade 1Up cabinet for Bad Dudes. Jeez, how much did you spend on all this? Is that why you’re always selling the Puppet Steve toys? Were these donations for Puppet Steve? *checks* Oh, he did do a video on that machine. It also came with BurgerTime, Karate Champ, and Caveman Ninja. Of course, the focus was mostly on BurgerTime so he could add “Order me a Happy Meal” to the title. Because Chris somehow thinks he can play Steve as a kid. Still, I have to wonder if any money went into this shit.

Anyway, he said he really liked Bad Dudes because he played it with his cousin at a local pizzeria and it was “really hard to find 2-player games back then”. I really find that hard to believe. Were you even trying Chris?

When he places the NES version in the system, he doesn’t push the cartridge down. Are you doing this shit on purpose?!

Anyway, he hates the NES version because you can’t do co-op. Calling it “lazy”. Pretty sure it was due to sprite limitations. Having too many sprites on screen causes flickering and slow-down. Looking at the animation of Bad Dudes, it’s already working hard to just to keep three people on screen. They did the best they could, and the music’s pretty awesome at least.

Then he brings up Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom. Oh look, another game you already fucking talked about.

He also didn’t know it was ported from an Arcade game. So much for all that research.

Then whine whine whine whine…

“Temple of Doom? You’re a Temple of Ass” Not sure if better or worse than “Temple of Dung”. Meh, they’re both terrible. Then he growls at the camera. Do his fans really find that hilarious? He comes off more tryhard than “funny”.

Then he starts talking about Mortal Kombat. What about Street Fighter?

He claims that both the SNES and Genesis ports delivered a close game. …. Blood? 

Then he mentions the Sega CD version is “the closest”, except it’s not. Plus, load times for fatalities which you FAIL TO MENTION!

He ends things off going on about how a bunch of bad ports scarred him, then points to his Star Wars replica cabinet and claims they “never ported it”. Well that’s an outright fucking lie. They ported the game multiple times! Well, he did get called out for this one on Facebook and he replied, “I meant the experience never got ported, with the wire frames and joysticks”. Bullshit. You made a blatant error and now you’re trying to backtrack on it. Someone called it out on YouTube and he just said “Sorry” to that comment. Jeez, even when he’s trying to improve, he still come off as phony.

What was the point of this? Are you so bankrupt on material that you had to spend nearly 17 minutes going “Arcade good, console port bad”? I don’t have enough “Sherlocks” to “No shit” here. Anyone with a brain knows this. Was just an excuse to show off your various Arcade replicas? You know these aren’t perfect, they’re emulated ROMs. Some Arcade cabinets were built with special chipsets that make emulation somewhat difficult. Hence, more competent developers would rework the game for consoles. Of course that’s with later games.

Still, it seems like a waste of space and money to have all these around. If you really want Bad Dudes, it’s available on Switch. Or just use MAME. This just seems pointless in the long ru… hold on. Chris, are you having a midlife crisis? Is that why you brought back Irate Gamer? Is that why you basically designed your basement to look like an Arcade? Or was it COVID?

I’d end it here, but I’ve got something interesting to address. It’s Ghost Doctor related. No, nothing new really (his latest video is just reposting a local news report he was on). Rather, his “Paranormal Pandemic” video got discovered by a fairly big YouTuber. The Amazing Atheist. Yeah, I’m surprised he’s still around too. TJ and his friend Paul spent 40 minutes mocking the video. Calling out the nonsense, the insane conspiracies, even outright calling him crazy. 

Chris… actually responded.

Yeaaah I don’t think he watched it. Because they are not nice. At one point, TJ tries to translate Chris’ ramblings, only for his friend Paul to say that’s a bad translation and he gives a proper one. Which was just burbling his lips and laughing like a lunatic. 

Also, how was that not political? You claimed most politicians were Satanic, showed pictures of Adam Schiff, and claimed that ghosts are the reason everyone is crying about racism and sexism in media. Or something, the whole video was nonsense.

 

However, what I think is happening here is Chris trying to kiss up to a channel with way more subscribers. He knows The Amazing Atheist has a much larger following than him and is trying to play it cool and get everyone to watch his ghost garbage. Is his audience really the one you want? Are you that desperate for views? This just feels like a new low for him.

There are other comments he left there but they’re not worth much.

He also mentioned on Facebook that his “crew” will be in a future video. And then they’ll be gone when they dare disagree with Chris’ perfect vision, or end up being better actors than him.

Stay safe everyone.