Friday, October 2, 2009

And now his review of... the new Harry Potter film? What?

Quit screwing around Bores I want to make fun of your Odyssey review not another poorly made movie review. It looks like he just released a review of Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince clocking in at 1:31, it’s back to his old ways of “It was great, it blew me away” and similar statements like that.

“Harry Potter 6: Half Blood-Prince” What the fuck? There’s no 6 in the title and I think people can tell this is the sixth movie, do you seriously take your audience for idiots? “I did like this movie but I thought it could’ve been a lot better” hasn’t this line been said by every Irate Gamer parody? It’s like he’s making fun of himself now, that can’t be right.

His first complaint is the lack of major battles, he notes that Voldemort is loose but wants him to go around attacking people. Did you even read the book? He doesn’t need to do it himself he has many followers willing to die for him. Also there weren’t “Big Epic Battles” every single chapter, there’s something called a “story” that Rowling wanted to tell so people can learn what happened next because there’s a huge fanbase for this series, one that’s more loyal then your brain dead 11 year old army.

I think Chris Bores would call Schindler’s List the worst movie ever because it doesn’t show epic World War II battles.

Bores then comments on the hype saying it was blown out of proportion but doesn’t exactly say why (big surprise there). Another complaint he had was the story’s pacing saying it was choppy (he does know there’s a book right?) and that it detracted from the main story (even though most of it happened in the book) noting the “Love-Triangle between Ron and the other girl” Other girl, you mean Lavender Brown? Also a love-triangle normally means three people not two, that’s why it’s a triangle.

He also notes that many of these storylines could’ve been left out (sounds like his shitty Watchmen review), then for some reason references back to his Transformers review and how Harry Potter’s jokes are good. Who the fuck watches a Harry Potter movie for the jokes? Name one other critic that pointed out the jokes, that’s right you can’t because it’s not an important aspect.

Ohhhhh he never read the book. He comments that the ending was “fantastic” and was surprised to learn who the Half-Blood Prince was, it’s no wonder he hated the multiple storylines Hollywood made this movie with the intention that people have read the book. I hate you so much.

His Final Verdict is that it’s worth the price but with a few corrections could be better. Why is he saying that like he saw a test screening? That was the final cut intended for theaters they can’t make anymore corrections unless they have deleted scenes on the DVD, this isn’t George Lucas you know.

Wow this review was stupid! It’s like he just read out of Spark Notes and tried to compile it into a poorly made book report, which is what it sounds like with every other movie review he’s done.

Just release your next game review, you’re pissing off your fans because that’s what they want and you’re pissing me off because you still call yourself a film director when your ideal film is explosions everywhere.

Hopefully he releases his Odyssey review soon, I need my snark.

13 comments:

  1. I doubt your definition of "soon", which I assume is within the next week or two, is the same as his definition of soon, which is around the next solar eclipse.

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  2. Well he did say in the description the video is coming out tomorrow.
    Because he needs to add a few more effects to make it garbage instead of pure shit.

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  3. To be honest, I haven't seen the video yet, so I wasn't aware he mentioned anything on the next chapter of his epic "history of sucking".

    Again, I highly doubt tomorrow has the same meaning to him as it does everyone else. I.E. tomorrow to us meaning the next day and tomorrow to him meaning the next year. Isn't the ratio one month for each shitty explosion or something? But who knows? He might actually surprise us with some semblance of consistency and actually release something "tomorrow."

    Nice blog, by the way.

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  4. Yeah his concept of time would make TARDIS explode from pain.

    The sad thing about that overused explosion effect is that it comes from the program Particle Illusion as a default. In fact most of his "awesome effects" are the built-in defaults for that program.

    The main purpose of those defaults is to build off them, edit them to your standards. However Chris Bores is a lazy douchebag that believes it takes hours for it to work even though they're the basic effects from the program.
    So not only does he delay his shitty videos, but he's lazy.

    Thanks for the compliment, I'm trying to do an analysis rant on his old account "y2b2006" but the videos there are even worse.

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  5. Oh yeah, I've been there already. Absolutely fucking horrible stuff. Almost nausea-inducing. Good luck with that. You'll need it. Badly.

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  6. Wow. I haven't watched the video but when he says "Ron and the other girl" is he implying that Ron is a girl? Also he said that the hardrive situation was looking grim and that he had this review in it. That means he might not have been able to recover the review and had to redo it. How do these mistakes get past the editing? Oh wait, I just awswered my question. There's no editing.

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  7. I think by other girl he means the girl that's not Hermione (if he can even pronounce that correctly).

    The real question is why didn't he re-do it from the start? These reviews aren't tough they're fucking Powerpoint presentations with an elementary school book report read over them. A 10 year old in Windows Movie Maker could do the same thing.

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  8. No, you're wrong. A 10-year-old in Windows Movie Maker could do BETTER than this. And you know what? So could a 3-year-old with an Etch-A-Sketch and safety scissors.

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  9. Even though his review was stupid, I will say, lots of people who watch movie adaptations haven't read the book. How many people who saw the Lord of the Rings movies read the book?

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  10. Sorry for the late response I was having connection issues.

    Peter Jackson actually did a great job telling the story of Lord of the Rings with the knowledge that a lot of people didn't read the trilogy or The Hobbit.

    With recent films like Watchmen and Half-Blood Prince reading the source material became a prerequisite. But with Harry Potter there was already a huge fanbase so many people would follow along, Watchmen was a niche to comic book fans and fans of Alan Moore.

    Bores' reviews of those movies sucked because he came off like he read the books when in reality he didn't.

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  11. His movie reviews always remind me of Stephen Colbert's Movies That are Destroying America where he admits he's only seen the movie trailers and pulls all his knowledge from that. I wonder if Chris refers to Mission Impossible 3 as "MIII!"

    He should give it up. Chester A. Bum is a more legitimate movie reviewer.

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  12. At least Colbert and Doug Walker do those for comedic purposes, Walker even gives his real opinion at the end.

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  13. Sorry BatDan, but I think some of the points you made in this post were a little silly. And keep in mind, I'm NOT an Irate Gamer fanboy. Heck, I don't even LIKE his videos. But one thing that I found to be silly from your post is that you keep on using "Read the book!" as an argument against Bores'review. I think a good book adaptation should work for both fans of the source material AND general moviegoers. Films that I could think of at the top of my head include The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Iron Man(okay, I know it's based on a series of comic-books but whatever), The Shawshank Redemption, and The Wizard of Oz.


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