Monday, October 19, 2009

Kubrick SMASH Bad 2001 Parody! I think there's a gun somewhere....

Funny story, the day I submitted my rant on Odyssey Part 1 he releases the second part. Is it any good? Are there any female pontiffs?

Intro: He doesn’t use that tedious “Important Aspect” intro (by the way that intro looked exactly like a special about video games that CNBC did a couple years ago), instead he jumps into the later games.

0:24 – 0:32: “These rifles are very expensive and hard to find, you’d have to sell your soul just to get one” *Devil Bores enters* Oh my God could you be anymore forced if you tried? I could see the cue cards he was reading off of. Even Full House didn’t pull off contrived crap like this and I hate that show.

0:33 – 0:51: Devil Bores prepares to make a deal but IG already has one and he just leaves… just because you can do Big Lipped Alligator Moments doesn’t mean you should.

0:53: Stop staring at the camera.

1:15 – 1:21: “This light gun reacts to other lights, what a shitwaffle” okay he didn’t say shitwaffle but it’s powered by a light on the TV screen of course it will work with other sources you hack.

1:32: Really Bores? Those are the bullseyes? I never would have figured it out unless you used the green circles to point out the obvious!

1:48 – 2:26: IG starts playing the Western Shooter, he parodies The Good, The Bad, & the Ugly and does some horrible close-ups of his face. When the light’s show up he changes the music to “action-packed” and shoots all of them. Adding music and “intense” camera angles will not make your videos anymore exciting.

2:28 – 3:10: He starts playing the airplane game but for some reason calls them Nazis (even though Nazis didn’t fly bi-planes… nor did anyone else in World War II), then he tries to be “cool”, dresses up as… something, and “intensely” shoots down the planes to Ride of the Valkyries (at least a remix of it), then shoots the dot above his head (lame effect).

Wait, what is he referencing here? Is it Apocalypse Now, which doesn’t make sense since that was a Vietnam film not WWII? Is it Top Gun, which doesn’t make sense because that was the present-day in that movie not WWII? I’M SO CONFUSED!

3:11 – 3:40: He reviews the Carnival game but says it sucks because they don’t move. Hey Chris, there’s a simple concept called Imagination it makes video games a lot more fun. Hell it made the AVGN’s Odyssey review 100 times better even if it was full of toilet humor (I liked the Popsicle joke…).

3:41 – 3:50: He notes that controlling the targets gets very boring, very fast. Uhhh don’t you have HAL doing that? Oh that’s right you make these videos by yourself, that’s why the Cat & Mouse game looked so jerky in the first video, you moved each controller one at a time. Thanks to BahamutSeven for pointing this out.

Bores starts up the sketch part of the review (that was completely unnecessary considering this is a history lesson and unrelated plotlines have nothing to do with it) by attempting to turn the Odyssey off. However HAL doesn’t like this and electrocutes him when he tries to remove the game. HAL (continuing to sound like Bores after taking tranquilizers, the ones he used to end the pain of his girlfriend leaving him *cough* excuse me) tells him he can’t do that and starts hitting him with the Odyssey Rifle (that’s the best you can do Bores? Have one of the greatest movie villains hit you with a plastic toy?)

Did he just make HAL say “bring it bitch?” Stanley Kubrick is rolling in his grave now…

So IG stops the evil computer by… turning off the evil computer. Wow, how anti-climatic and unsatisfying. Like the movie HAL sings Daisy Bell (which doesn’t make sense in this context since in the movie that song was taught the day HAL became operational).

IG notes the Odyssey sold poorly due to the misleading advertising and high price… nooo I think it sold poorly because it was new and nobody knew what to do with it. It was the first video game console that was still a foreign concept back in the 70s. Besides, I doubt people were that stupid in the 70s to think certain products only worked on certain appliances.

“A few weeks before the Odyssey’s release Nolan Bushnell released Pong, and that’s next” Except the Odyssey came out May 1972 and Atari Inc. was founded June 1972. Again, why review Pong? It’s fucking Pong it’s not an obscure title.

So like every other review he’s done this was horrible and shit rolled into one. Stanley Kubrick has risen from the grave, gone to dig up Arthur C. Clarke, and the two of them will go beat the crap out of Bores.

If anything good came out of this he says in the description the next History of Video Games (or HOV as he so kindly abbreviates, kind of looks like a rejected War Games computer) will be out after he does a “few reviews.” Considering how long it takes for him to do a video I guess we’ll see the Pong review in *looks at watch* April 2011.

Until next time, stay frosty people.


  1. It's amazing that the nerd only takes a week or two to do a review, even on just spare time, and his reviews come out great for the most part. By comparison, Chris Bores, who acts like he has no free time at all (but surely does as he has no social life whatsoever), takes two to five months to make a fucking video, and the bloody thing ends up being worse than his last review. I mean...even with a small amount of videos he should have shown SOME kind of improvement. But just gets worse instead. So if anything at all has improved with all the time Chris spends doing this and all the videos he's fuckin done, it's how low he can, like limbo!

    If we were to put all of Chris' errors into a classification system, it would be such a big taxonomy as to be compared to the diversity of life on Earth since the first amino acid formed on the planet! The Taxonomy of Fail of Chris Bores would have perhaps up to 8, no, 9 phyla - lying, cheating, stealing, bad acting, treating his fans like shit, reviewing his own material and giving it the max rating yet not even trying to cover his tracks, acting like a tough guy (again, badly acting), bad research or none at all, insulting every single person he mentions in videos without even knowing it, biased reviewing, showing how shitty he is at playing even the most-rudimentary of games, etc. I don't know, that's like...11 categories so far.

    But even the most stupendous of epic fails provide something good to everyone - opportunity for satire and a lesson for what not to do.

  2. Well James takes a lot more time with his reviews then 1-2 weeks, the Bugs Bunny Crazy Castle video took 122 hours to shoot, edit, and get everything right. The more complex reviews like that take a lot of time.
    But you can see the effort James puts into his many videos, 4 Castlevania reviews, 31 Movie Reviews for Monster Madness, and so much else.

    But you're right, Bores has somehow found a way to get worse in every review. You look at early videos from any popular reviewer, usually the picture sucks, the acting isn't as great, and the style is still in the works. Chris never developed a style, and he's never consistent. He counts the Retro Mini commercial as an official episode, how does that work?

    He also lies so much about what goes into the videos, how does it take 6 hours to do a 13 second effect? My favorite is the description for Indiana Jones, it took him 10 hours and all his blood, sweat, and tears to create a cliche Angel/Devil effect.

    But yes, like every terrible shred of culture it will be parodied. In fact there are more IG Parodies then AVGN wannabes now-a-days.

  3. Wow, this review really sucked.

    The worst thing was, there wasn't much to make fun of. Just the regular Bores crap: bad acting, unnecessary effects, wrong facts... really nothing special.

  4. One thing that REALLY bothered me when he talked about the light rifle was the fact that it works on every light. He's saying it like this is some prehistoric crap, but the technology would still be used 10 years later with the Zapper on the Nintendo. So I fail to see how it's a flaw that the gun works...

  5. Well I never tried that with my Zapper, though that does explain what James meant by "Alleged Light Bulb Trick" in his NES Accessories review.

    So yet again he was complaining about a common "flawl" just like "Games get harder in later levels" and "Falling down pits kills you." I still wonder what YouTube sees in this guy.

    @Mr. Lizard: It's videos like these that make it hard for the parody makers to get material.

  6. Its not just the Retro Mini review, he counts the "HOV" episodes as part of his Second Season also. Which is retarded, because he calls it an epic miniseries, from which I first concluded it will stand alone as does the NEO thing.


  7. Yeah, What Chris Bores did with this video is tragically disrespectful and ignorant of the original works, but hey, The Uncensored Net Noise hosts were bullies and dipshits too. Find my comment on the previous entry to see what I mean.

  8. I disagree, sure that one guy sounded like a dick when he based all video game reviews in the second part of that interview, but the other interviewers were all right, and gave Bores what he deserved

  9. The way I saw the UNN interview is they tried to ask what the deal was, they tried to get a real answer.

    But IG just kept avoiding the issue, stumbling through his words, struggling to find excuses even calling James his friend (which is ironic since that interview was done in 2008 and he claims to have not watched his videos for two years... in 2009).

    Also I wouldn't trust JerichoSquink, for a while he had the belief that plagiarism = word-for-word. He would defend IG on this thought alone.

    The following is just an example.
    AVGN said: The cat jumped across the sofa.
    IG said: The feline jumped across the couch.
    It's not word-for-word so it's original... see it doesn't work like that.

  10. Don't ya mean "when he BASHED all video game reviews"?

    I'm glad you did not attack me or anything...
    but waitaminute. You mean to tell me this one guy, THIS ONE GUY pretty much got the rest of the hosts in trouble for my eyes?! Well...

    My apologies for this disagreement, aside from that one asshole. But my point is that the interview, although it made fun of him, made us look like bigger assholes than, well, him. If one thing was exposed in that second part was how big of low a host can go in regards to slandering us gamers.

    If we continue letting this happen, not only would he have more of a reason to take a shit on good games(especially the SNES Aladdin game), but he'll also have the upperhand in regards to this whole debate on whether he is a terrible reviewer or not, which he is. Period.

    There's a better way to protest, or at least make fun of him without reducing ourselves to being bigger douchbags. And I know just the guy that can help.

    The Game Overthinker!
    He has a blog, too, and he has a video about video game violence. You should go watch it and see my point!

    We. Are. Right.
    Irate. Lamer. Is. Wrong.

  11. Oh and two things:
    1. I thought JerichoSquink is an okay guy. Sure his arguments in his earlier videos are questionable at best, but I honestly thought he was a decent guy. Just because he, in some weird way, found the Irate Lamer's videos entertaining at least, doesn't make him a frothing Irate fanboy. Hope you don't hate me for this. And...
    2. For those who haven't seen the Big Al video, Big Al made a short mention of the U.N.N, interview comparing Goronchev's "Bigal exposed" video to that interview. He basically said that the interview did not expose the Irate Lamer, but mearly slandered him.

    That, and Big Al is a trust worthy and very good young man with a heart of gold, plenty of friends, and a filthy fucking mouth. *ahem*


    Watch his "My side of the story" videos courtesy of the Bigal2k6Archives
    Part 1:
    Part 2:
    Part 3:

    1. I'm not sure what you expected from the show, they managed to get Bores to make a bunch of stupid and easily-contradicted statements that proved he was a liar. Just because one of them called him a faggot doesn't mean the objective was failed. Bores of all people does not deserve sympathy considering his fans regularly libel and slander other reviewers and even doctor images and change dates in order to perpetuate the lie that Bores was the original.

  12. "A carnival game? This one just sucks because I can't make an epic montage with it, even though it's the same kind of game."

    When he stares at the camera after the part with the Devil and the "battle" with HAL, I have the feeling he thinks "Yeah, I know, it was stupid". I don't know why though.

  13. I think he was doing that stare because he was telling the audience "you're supposed to laugh now."
    You notice how he pauses after every "joke" he makes? He does it in hopes that people laugh and give him money.

  14. DO NOT READ THIS COMMENT if you are eating!

    I would rather piss into an electrical socket!
    I would rather insert my dick into a toaster and turn the dial all the way up to 11!
    I would rather get molested by the people from TUBGIRL, LEMON PARTY, and 2 GIRLS 1 CUP while Brian Peppers lands a big log a shit into my mouth whilst raping Jack Thompson, who is giving a blowjob to Mr. Hands' ghost, than watch even one minute of his horrendous odyssey videos!

  15. Don't you mean April 31st 2011?

  16. Ah right April 31st 2011.
    Maybe if he works faster we'll see it February 29th 2011.