Oh wow, The Bores is on a roll this month. A new “Neo” review at GottGame is up, this time for Dante’s Inferno. That’s a strange choice isn’t it?
First let’s look at the trailer for it.
We see Bores on camera (obviously not in character yet he still calls himself The Irate Gamer. What the hell?) telling us to go to GottGame. He’s shaking all over the place (ADHD?) and he keeps going “uhhhh”. Seriously, he has no presence in front of the camera. I can imagine him doing stand-up and choking so bad.
After some footage, we cut back to Bores telling us Part 3 of History of Video Games is coming up (I’m overjoyed with … nothing) and that putting it together has been a nightmare *cough*bullshit*cough*. He also mentions the first draft of the script is almost done.
You know, I should be used to Bores lying about how long his videos take, and yet I’m not. It still annoys me that he brags that his poorly-made videos take a long time with “tons of effort.” *sighs* Let’s just get to the actual review.
I haven’t played Dante’s Inferno and I have no interest in playing it, so I’ll have to ask my fans if there are any idiotic errors.
Intro: I guess he’s abandoned the theme song.
0:05 - 0:09: “Today we’re reviewing Dante’s Inferno” I still don’t get why he does this. He holds up the game while talking over a clip of himself. Is he trying to be like Still Gaming? Well he has stolen from countless other reviewers so it wouldn’t surprise me that Lee of Still Gaming was next.
0:10 - 0:18: This is all we’re going to get about the story, no mention that it’s loosely based off The Divine Comedy.
0:18 - 0:28: Says the controls are smooth and it’s entertaining. Why? He doesn’t tell us. Why did GottGame hire this dickhead? So they can get views to their shitty website. Kwing must be ashamed to be associated with Bores.
0:29: “If you read the book in the past” *holds back laughter* Sorry, the idea of Bores reading is hilarious for all the wrong reasons.
0:30 - 1:15: See the time listed? All spent gushing about the visuals and presentation. Did I mention Bores is a huge graphics whore?
1:15 - 1:30: He mentions that you fight a bunch of different enemies (God this is boring) ranging from small ones to really big ones. Cut to a giant demon roaring at Dante with Bores “quipping” “Yikes, back off there BUD-dy!” Ugggh stop talking to the game like it can hear you! It wasn’t funny when you did it in Resident Evil 5, and it’s not funny here!
1:31 - 1:40: “There are even puzzles! However they take some thought derp.” They look like the same puzzles from God of War, and those were easy.
1:41 - 2:02: Here we go, time for the nitpicky bullshit.
“Some of the levels were too short, and there wasn’t a lot of fighting.” Wait wait wait, are you giving actual problems with the game? Something’s not right…
2:03 - 2:23: Now he’s complaining about the story, that things were left out, and he had to watch the cartoon to get everything. Who cares about the story?
2:23 - 2:29: “Parents, this game does contain nudity so this game is not intended for kids” *smashes head against wall* Gee, what gave you that idea? The fucking M Rating on the front?
I’m sure parents go to YOU to see if a game is appropriate for their kids. It’s not like there exists websites devoted to telling you if a game is safe for kids or not OH WAIT THERE IS!
And what makes you think adults are watching and enjoying your bullshit? *sighs* Let’s just finish this.
The review ends with Bores saying that the game is an accurate retelling of the book (no it’s not!) and that it’s another Irate Pick (Again, adding Irate to something doesn’t make it special). But we have one more stupid joke to play us out, “Coming next time on the IG Neo show, another classic book turned into a game. The Grapes of Wrath!” combined with a hand-drawn picture of grapes flooding a city. Why? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WH- *gets slapped*
Sorry about that. Overall this was a boring review with very little parody material in it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go prepare myself for the next Redux Recap. His heinous Super Mario Bros. 2 review.