Sunday, March 7, 2010

Educational Slider Bores featuring Mario and Jewish Skeleton

*sighs* I don’t want to do this episode. I really don’t.
It wasn’t Aladdin bad but it was still bad. The thing that’s getting me is all the retarded fan boys saying “this is your best episode ever!” and laughing at jokes that even Family Guy would reject. In fact, there’s very little hate in his comments. Why? Did he block everyone that left a hate comment on his trailer video?

Okay, calm down. Let’s just get this over with. His “reviews” of Mario is Missing and Mario’s Time Machine.
Just for clarification, yes the AVGN did review these games last year. Back then his review was just average, but now it’s 1000x times better. You’ll see why.

Let’s start with Part One.

Title Card: What the hell is wrong with his arms? They look like toothpicks, or a girl’s arms.
He warns us to pay attention, because it might get confusing. Spoiler alert it doesn’t, he’s just warning his goldfish-minded fans about this stupid “split-timeline” plot he’s going to use.

0:25: “In the early 1990s, Super Mario World became an instant hit with gamers.” Here’s another thing I want to address, stop being vague with the timestamps. We can see when it came out.

0:31 - 0:39: “The game was so popular they made two more games.” Wow, so much wrong there already. One, Mario was already hugely popular when Super Mario World came out, it wasn’t just that game that inspired all the educational titles. Two, Nintendo only gave them the rights to work with Mario, they had nothing to do with the development.
By the way, he clearly states they’re educational games yet he keeps forgetting that.

0:43 - 0:54: Here he sets up the “plot”. He only has time to review one game and he should choose wisely, because it will effect the outcome of his day. Not sure how choosing which bad Mario game to play will “ruin your day” but I’m sure it will result in something unbelievably retarded.

0:56: Starts review of Mario is Missing (NES).

0:59: You have to love how his NES isn’t even plugged in.

1:03 - 1:15: EXPOSITION! Made even more boring by The Bores!

1:16: What did he just call them? Koopa Turtles? No one calls them that! They’re Koopa Troopas! Not once have they been called “Koopa Turtles.” He’s not a gamer people! Why do you buy this horseshit?

1:18 - 1:24: “You can’t get hurt by them? What kind of bullshit is this?” I thought you liked it when they went easy on you?

1:30 - 1:43: For some reason, he thinks Luigi has diplomatic immunity. I’m not sure how he came close to that conclusion, but then I realize why he made that statement. “I wonder if I can piss on public property” cutting to Luigi pissing on the street. Oh God this hurts. I’m not even two minutes in and I’m in pain.

1:45: “Koopa Turtle” Guh. He’s going to say this a lot isn’t he?

1:51 - 2:02: He tries to give the item back to the information desk, but is annoyed because you have to answer questions.
When I said earlier he keeps forgetting that this is an educational game, this is what I’m talking about. He keeps getting “angry” at the idea of answering questions. At this point, his anger is so forced that it’s unwatchable. *sighs* Moving on.

2:02 - 2:10: He notes that this game sucks and he should have picked the other game. Now you know why he did that weird “effect the outcome of my day” dilemma earlier. He’s doing a Sliding Doors-esque story. Now I understand what Irish Anon meant by “Sliding Bores”. Maybe Bores watched the movie and thought “I should make a review out of this! I’m such a genius writer derrrp.” Also explains the Monty Python references.

2:19: Starts “review” of Mario’s Time Machine.
Wait, I noticed something strange. After he announces the game, he bends down as if he was putting it in the NES. But his NES is on a shelf that isn’t on ground level.
You know, for someone that claims to be such a “great film director” he should be able to notice continuity errors like this! God!

2:24 - 2:37: More boring exposition. “A classic throwback to the original Mario Bros. game *shows footage*” Thank you Chris, I never would have figured it out unless you showed me.

2:38 - 3:04: Zzzzzzzz

3:05: Now for the segment where Chris Bores tries to prove he’s a gamer. He photoshops the in-game newspaper with “controversial” headlines about different characters and games.
- “RC Pro AM Scandal! Game Rigged!!” Translated from “I keep losing! This game sucks ass!”
- “Yoshi Murdered!” Oh, that’s pleasant.
- “Mega Man: Battling Cancer” Oh please, Robotenza is nothing like cancer. How much you want to bet that wasn’t a reference to Mega Man 10 but a “Durrr I’m wacky” joke?
- “Eggplant Wizard Accused of Rape” This furthers my theory that Chris Bores got all his knowledge from Captain N. Seriously, who cares about Eggplant Wizard? He wasn’t even good to be an assist trophy in Brawl, hell not even a prize trophy he’s just a sticker.

3:32: “Wrong location? Son of a bitch!” I’m acting!

3:57: After repeating all the steps with forced anger, he says this “I thought this game was supposed to be fun?” It’s educational, it’s never fun. Except for The Oregon Trail, that game is awesome.

4:09: Another lame newspaper gag (combined with Bores yelling “motherfucker” because he put the apple in the right place… yeah wrap your head around that one).
- “Paperboy Fired!!” Predictable.
- “Irate Gamer Pissed Again” Not funny.
- “Ms. Pacman Files for Divorce” Again not funny.
- “Donkey Kong Arrested on Barrel Throwing Assault Charges.” Okay, seriously?
All he does is reference popular arcade & NES games, this is the stuff that’s mentioned on bad crime dramas or sitcoms. If you want to make yourself look good, reference obscure titles or, better yet, DON’T PHOTOSHOP THE NEWSPAPER!

4:24: “They’ll start dropping items that are hard to figure out which time period they come from.” Oh God, did he really just say that? … I need a minute.
Okay. Let’s go.

4:40 - 4:45: He gets the wrong time period (because he’s stupid) and the bird takes away his item. His response? “I’ve got a bird for you right here!” *flips off TV*
I’m half way through part one, I’m halfway through part one, I’m halfway through part one, I’m…

4:46 - 4:57: Want proof we’re in Hell? Ronnie the Jew Skeleton shows up! He asks if he can watch but IG tells him to go away, so he does after calling him a grouch. Followed by a “laugh now stare.”

4:58: We return to Timeline 1 where he’s reviewing Mario is Missing. WOW! THIS IS CONFUSING! Along with some nice “Winter Games” action with the controller.

4:59 - 5:19: Zzzzzzzzzz

5:20 - 5:26: “If you manage not to hang yourself by the end of this game, then consider yourself a winner.” Sounds like the same challenge of watching your videos.

5:28 - 5:38: Ronnie appears (once again, clarifying we’re in Hell) and asks if he can watch. IG allows it and he stays. Showing once again that Chris Bores is a worse writer then M. Night Shyamalan.

5:46: “He can’t even hurt you! What a joke.” Why are you complaining? I thought you liked it when they took it easy on you.

5:52 - 6:02: He beats the game and is pissed off by the ending (what a shock) and whines that he wasted 3 hours playing this. Yes, 3 hours you could have been… uhhh… yeah don’t whine about it being a waste of time when you don’t have time to waste.

6:02 - 6:17: He takes the game out (without turning off the system HELLO), says it’s a piece of shit, and throws it at a metal bar labeled “gas line” breaking it. Wait what?

6:18: Returning to Timeline 2 where he’s playing Mario’s Time Machine without Jew Skeleton.

6:25: THEY’RE NOT TURTLES! KOOPA TROOPAS! YOU’RE A FRAUD! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

6:35 - 6:51: After getting another time period wrong, he becomes constipated, sees the bird taking his item and… oh God no. He takes out his Zapper, shoots the bird, and the Duck Hunt dog appears with it.
You know what, I’m going to need another minute.

6:55 - 7:15: He picks up a sledgehammer and declares that he knows where it goes. This prompts a reference to Peter Gabriel’s song Sledgehammer, so he goes to 1989 and places it there. Ending with ANOTHER NEWSPAPER GAG! These are fucking retarded!
- “Yoshi Murdered Again!” Why do you want to kill Yoshi? What did he do to you?
- “Mach Rider hits Mack Truck” I get the feeling he just looked up NES launch titles and picked the one that sounded cool. Just… ugh.
- “Sledgehammer Tour Back On!” This game has NOTHING to do with Peter Gabriel! According to GameFAQs, you go back to 1989 with the sledgehammer to take down the Berlin Wall. In fact, the song Sledgehammer come out 3 years prior to that. It wouldn’t make sense to start the tour after the WHY AM I OVERTHINKING THIS? Gaaaaah this is stupid STUPID STUPID STUPID!

7:21 - 7:36: He reaches the last part of the game, where he gets a pop quiz of all the info he learned. However he didn’t remember so he consults an old Nintendo Power magazine.
OHHH yeah, Nintendo Power would TOTALLY have the answers to an educational game. “This month’s Nintendo Power, learn how to get 100% on your SAT scores!”

7:37 - 7:50: After the quiz, he opens the door to a pointless gag! He edited a room to have like 15 Koopa Troopas, which somehow doesn’t cause the game to lag or flicker. Hmmm. Ending with a (un)funny face and “Naah I’m messing with you derp.” So NOW he admits it? Where was that in Aladdin?

Part One ends with him getting pissed that Yoshi was kidnapped (yeah, apparently he wants DETAILED backstory in his educational games), getting constipated while staring at the camera, takes out the game (without turning off the system AGAIN) and does throws the game at the gas line breaking it.

Hold on, why is the gas line in his room? What sort of idiot lives in a house like that? I mean, if a small piece of plastic can break it so easily, wouldn’t that be a cause for alarm? IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE! This is Uwe Boll level of “he just didn’t care!”
More evidence he doesn’t care? I can see the endings in both timelines coming. He broke the gas line in both situations, but in one Ronnie stayed and the other he left. Jeez, this is so unpredictable, I do wonder what will happen golly gee.

Sadly I have more, 7 more minutes of garbage with the SNES titles. This one has the comments enabled and reading them is like watching Western Civilization collapse before your very eyes. So… many… idiots. Drooling over bad jokes and cheap effects, unaware there exists real humor and good writing. THIS IS THE TWILIGHT GENERATION GAAAAAH *takes tranquilizers* I’m going to need a lot of these.

0:09: Starts review of the SNES Mario’s Time Machine.

0:13 - 0:27: Zzzzzz. This is only the beginning the video!

0:34 - 0:47: Here we see some VERY forced anger about the surfing stages. Followed by “Jumping Gigawatts!” You know, I get you’re referencing Back to the Future but did you have to pronounce it exactly like Doc Brown? You had to use the J-sound?

0:47 - 0:56: Bores stops and tries to figure what he’s smelling. It cuts back to the gas leak because his viewers are goldfish. He presumes it’s nothing and continues. So just to clarify, Chris Bores does not know what natural gas smells like.

0:58 - 1:05: Returning to Timeline 1 where he begins his review of the SNES Mario is Missing. YOU CONFUSED NOW? HUH HUH?

1:24 - 1:34: After talking about the warp pipes, he does a lame gag where Luigi shows up in his room. No point, just Family Guy-esque BLAM. God I hate this show.

1:40 - 1:51: More boring explanations followed by extremely forced anger at the info desk lady. Yes, blame the lady because you got the wrong answer, that makes sense.

1:51 - 1:57: Because he got the wrong answer, he brags that he always wanted Westminster Abbey and does a pointless cut of him sitting next to a 2D Sprite of it. Almost done with this guhhh.

2:07 - 2:21: Back to the “plot”, Bores notices the smell. Ronnie smells it too (I’m not sure how since he’s a skeleton and lacks not only a nose but basic bodily functions. Though Brook from One Piece can d- NO! I will not bring up the awesomeness of One Piece here. Even though it is a better topic then this terrible video). So Ronnie goes to fix it. A Jewish character fixing a gas leak… no that’s too easy. Bores continues to hammer in the “this is an alternate timeline” plot by saying “good thing he was here.” Yes we get it, you watched Sliding Doors.

2:36: “Pointless question answering.” … How many times must I tell you? EDUCATIONAL GAME!

By the way, can someone tell me if that Sistine Chapel question is really like that? I’ll be surprised if Bores didn’t do another stupid photoshop gag there.
Jeez how much longer is this?

3:00 - 3:16: Another pointless and unfunny interaction between IG and Ronnie. What’s that white stuff on his costume?

3:17: Returning to Timeline 2 and Mario’s Time Machine.

3:18 - 3:26: More zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

3:27: Oh wow, looks like Chris is diversifying his effects now. He’s using RED circles of Captain Obvious now!

3:43 - 3:56: More forced complaining! He notes that you can only continue if you fill out the history book, but if you don’t you’ll be told to leave. IG makes it sound that they do it in a very rude manner, even though the in-game text says otherwise. He then calls Newton “Sir Isaac Asshole” and a dick. Yes, cuss out the dead scientist that will really help you beat this game.

3:57 - 4:05: Here Bores once again shows that he has no idea what natural gas smells like. You don’t have to keep telling us, we already know you’re a moron.

4:06 - 4:43: Here he talks about the endings. He says there are only two, which is incorrect there are actually THREE endings. The worst being Bowser relaxing on a beach.

4:43 - 5:01: Just to remind us there’s a plot, he shows the gas leak again. He declares he’s going to burn the game and right as he activates the flame his house blows up. You know, I would be cheering that he died but the whole predictability of it and the piss-poor writing leading up to it just drained any pleasantness about it.

5:01: Retuning to Timeline 1 and HOPEFULLY ending the video soon.

5:11 - 5:17: After listing the countries, he ends up in Mexico with a character telling him to “give (him) your wallet”. He calls him a Bandito. Wow, that’s not racist at all. Does he just hate Mexicans?

5:33: “National Lampoon’s Luigi’s Vacation” Hello pointless movie reference.

So the video MERCIFULLY ends with Ronnie noting how fun it looks to go around the world (okay) and then Luigi shows (oh God) and they decide to go on a road trip. So the rest of the video is a montage of Chris, Ronnie, and Luigi going around the world. It’s like Chris & Scottie Road Trip, only with pictures, more stereotypes, and you don’t want to castrate yourself from the bad jokes.

*breathes in* THIS REVIEW SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS! Good lord was that awful. The premise was stupid, the jokes were predictable & unfunny, Ronnie was annoying, and the acting was so fucking forced. You’re getting pissy over educational games. That’s like playing Pajama Sam or Spy Fox and complaining that it’s too easy.
Really, the only realistic bad thing you can say is “They’re boring, educational games with misleading titles.” See, that’s why the AVGN’s video was only 9:30 minutes long, there’s really nothing to say about these games. You didn’t need 15 minutes of pointless jokes, sketches, or forced anger to convey that.

Speaking of AVGN, people are actually declaring IG’s review better in every way. Why? Because he played more of the game? What kind of logic is that?

*empties tranquilizer bottle* Well, that’s all I have to say for now. Until Bores releases another video (hopefully not bloopers for this one) I’m going to go play Final Fantasy V & VI.

58 comments:

  1. I'd say this review was a good example of how hatred of Bores isn't just due to ripping off AVGN. As far as points made, few (if any) were already pointed out by The Nerd, but every other problem with the Irate Gamer is still present: bad acting, lack of gaming knowledge, unfunny jokes, pointless cameos, unnecessary toilet humor (Luigi urinating), and I could go on. The biggest problem is that this video is in TWO PARTS. This isn't Action 52. You don't need more than one video to point out what's wrong with these games.

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  2. I don't under the "Winter Games" comments. Did AVGN reference IG or something in that video?

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  3. "I'll put a easily breakable gas line in my room and show it dozens of times until my fanboys understand what obvious joke I'm going to do! I am such a great writer!"

    Seriously, I don't get the "plot" of this episode... Is Bores saying that playing Mario is Missing makes you sympathize with an annoying skeleton? Or that playing Mario's Time Machine will make your house explode?

    It would have made more sense if Evil IG reviewed Mario's Time Machine while regular IG reviewed Mario is Missing... or if he didn't do this at all.

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  4. Another well done synopsis on the Irate Gamer's continuing voyage of suck. Well done Daniel, a perfect 5 stars!

    Bores really must think video games make for good sketch comedies, but fuck was this one terrible. As everyone has said, there isn't much to say about games like these. Most Edutainment games are just not memorable. He just shoehorned the Mario games in as an excuse to make another signature Chris Bores sketch comedy. What a dunce.

    Oh and to learn your a fellow One Piece fan? XD You just made my day. Keep up the good work!

    Oh yeah, noticed some of my older comments seemed to have vanished from the site. Not a big deal, but just curious over what the cause of might be.

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  5. IG is not worthy of Lindsay Buckingham's "Holiday Road".

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  6. The Winter Games comment is a joke AVGN said about how the game is a button mashing nightmare and when you watch people play games in movies or t.v. shows they mash the buttons in a way that would never work on a real game. Then he says that Winter Games actually does work like that.

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  7. @Anon (March 7th 3:39 PM)
    I know right? Unless you were doing a playthrough review like Armake21, there's no point in making a long ass video about those two games.

    @Anon (March 7th 4:37 PM)
    I don't know either. Was he trying to say "be nice to people and you won't die." Again, mixing the idea of an "Irate" character. At least the AVGN stays in character, even around kids (cussing at them, shitting in their Halloween bag, giving them an Atari 2600 instead of candy).

    @Kama
    To answer your question, it's probably a glitch with Blogspot and Google. I've never removed your comments.

    Yes One Piece is awesome. I'm really excited for the next chapter.

    There is a way to make sketch comedy with video games, however it involves BEING the characters. No reviews or anything. Take Phelous' Mortal Komedy series, it's a sketch series with Mortal Kombat characters. That's how you do it!

    @vnisanian2001
    I just learned that ending bit was a reference to National Lampoon's Vacation. I've never seen it so I didn't get the joke, I just thought it was pointless montage (okay it still is a pointless montage but still...)

    Thank you everyone for reading.

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  8. IG es un huevon, la verdad que no reí ni una vez con este review... que se vaya a la mierda!!!

    sorry to put in spanish buy IG doesn't deserve to translate anything, because he's a cabron!!!

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  9. @BatDan
    With regards to your Chapel question, I do believe that the multiple choices shown are legit. I remember playing the game years ago and recall Splinter being one of the options. So yeah, for once, it's not a lame photoshop by Bores and actually got a chuckle out of me when I first saw... I am, of course, referring to the game, I mean. Not the video.

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  10. @ Batdan

    Oh my god...

    Weegee is going to be pissed if he sees this video. I bet he's gonna bring Captain Falcon over to punch Irate Lamer in the freaking face!!!

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  11. Well, another month or two until the next review comes out then (unless he decides to get off his ass to work on :gulp: History of Video Games Part 3). Once again, another great analysis Dan.

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  12. Wait a second. Wouldn't Luigi have visited Irate's house even if he was playing Mario's Time Machine? Ugh, trying to understand his logic is giving me a headache.

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  13. I don't know, this video was just soooo boring and stupid and boring. And also stupid.
    Some points:
    1. Why does he act all high and mighty when he says that torch goes to Ancient Greece? It is like he thinks he is better than everybody else. I'll bet you anything that he just looked up a walkthrough of the game.
    2. How stupid you have to be to - have a gas line in your room, have a gas line that is so weak it can be destroyed by a NES game, not know the smell of gas, not be alarmed of a weird smell, have a gas line that is actually LABELED!?!?!?!?!?! Dumbass!!!!
    3. When you mentioned that how could Ronny smell the gas, then before finishing your sentence I too was thinking about Brooke. One Piece rules!
    4. I believe Luigi would be ashamed to be seen with Bores.
    5. Chris, you suck at references.
    6. WHY? Why was Chris surprised when he lit the lighter???? He didn't know there was gas in the room! Then WHY!!?!?!?!?!

    All in all a Classic Bores episode. I hope we can see some awesome parodies soon, I got some great ideas for Irate Shorts.

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  14. Oh, in the Mario is missing review, he calls Luigi Mario. Great.

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  15. Personally I didn't think the 'bandito' joke was racist, just insensitive. I think Chris would have made the same Joke if Luigi went to Detroit or New Jersey... (no offence intended to law abiding citizens of those cities)

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  16. The paper label on the gas pipe made me laugh my ass off.

    If you see the review as an IG parody, it makes a lot more sense. I mean seriously? You put a label that says "gas line"? That's subtle.

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  17. DLAbaoaqu says...

    After the next ICBINAVGN... I'm gonna do this one >=(

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  18. IG asshole, is bandidos non banditos!!!
    that means thieve

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  19. The bores keeps on trying to prove hes a gamer, NC do you have anything to say?
    NC: "heh heh heh! well you know what they say! if at first you dont succeed, try try try try try try try trytrytrytrytrytrytry TRY TRY TRY TRY UNTIL YOUR FUCKING LITTLE MIND CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!"
    Me: couldnt have said it better myself NC!
    now if you excuse my im going to watch Spirited Away. See you all next time!

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  20. @ Anon (March 8 12:21)

    Obey Weegee!
    Destroy Irate Gamer!

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  21. This review wasn't a total waste... it will provide ALOT of material for future IG parodies and I thought of a idea for a Irate Gamer drinking game... every time the Bores' ugly face "mugs" for the camera you have to drink.

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  22. Funny thing, I'm not sure if Bores has seen Sliding Doors, I just watched an episode of Frasier called 'Sliding Frasier' and the reason why I would think that the IG episode is based on that show rather then the film with the similar title is because the Frasier episode starts with the exact same lines of "This may get confusing"

    The funny thing being that in the different timelines, A LOT of things were different, not the one thing that Ronnie didn't save him for a gas leak.

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  23. That super long review seems like a facepalm that lasts so long, it never ends! Even more proof that Chris Bores the Irate Hack fails at life in every possible way!

    Oh and I can't wait for the ICBINAVGN commentary for the review either XD

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  24. That super long review seems like a facepalm that lasts so long, it never ends! The review shows even more evidence that Chris Bores the Irate Hack fails at life!

    By the way, I can't wait for an ICBINAVGN commentary of the review XD

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  25. Damn it sorry, my first comment wouldn't appear... -_-

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  26. There was already a Save-State Gamer posted of it like lightning if the parody fans are excited for how this'll get torn up.

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  27. Here's a lulzy comment from user falcon457:somewhere along the line, i just don't see where this vid qualifies as an IG vs AVGN board. *sigh..idiots*. If u want my view on which is better, i say IG. He's more passionate about what he does, puts more work into the vids (he went to college for this video stuff ya know), and doesn't call everything a pile of diarrhea dog shit. Plus, there's something to be said about one guy who maes video after video out vs the other who puts out a few great vids. That's my take on it, like it or not.and here's another one!from user pkmnmaster69:Wow, just because the Irate Gamer reviews the same games as the AVGN doesnt make it a rip off, if Irate Gamer used the same lines and effects as the AVGN, then you can call it a rip off. As a matter of fact, I preferred Irate Gamers, Mario review more then the AVGN's.and another one!!WickedSpadesAH
    I've been watching your videos on and off for 2 years now when you first started. Bro, you're awesome! You have to have gotten a job offer from a gaming review company. You're the most entertaining guy when it comes to these reviews cuz you're a mix of Bill Nye the Science guy and Mystery Science Theatre. I can watch a review of a game made over 10 years ago and still love it. Rock on bro! You're amazing.

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  28. And that's what the heck they are in the end: Opinions. They do not have to be correct. You don't have to agree with them, you don't have to like them. You just have to respect them.

    If Bores is only allowing positive feedback, than of course, we can prove that we are better than him and allow his fanboys to have their piece and see where we go from there.

    Oh, and uh...

    Bill Nye the Science Guy = annoying repetitive theme music, and weird skethes that use stock music and stock sound effects... A LOT!!! You just need a cup of this...

    Mystery Science Theater 3000 = mocks anything under the B-movie sun, whether they are awesome or absolute shit.
    Add A pinch of that...

    Hmm...

    I do not thinks that's enough to make an Irate Gamer. I know, let's poor in half a bag of Angry Video Game Nerd! And maybe a pince of greed to go with it.

    There, You have just created an Irate Gamer. Now all you have to do is give him a game to "review" and he will bang at it screaming like a monkey on steriods, riding a bicycle that just caught on fire, into a pirahna filled tank, that is electricuted, and happens to cotain 67% flammable fluids. Remember kids, have fun ONLY at his expense, because it's better to laugh at him than to laugh with him. :)

    Oh, and WEEGEE IS WATCHING!!!

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  29. The worst part for me was when he said, "return back" repeatedly. Does he even know any English beyond the word "duh"? If you return to somewhere, you've gone back. And if you've gone back somewhere, then you've returned. Dear Christ, any ESL student could speak better English than Captain Redundancy. Couldn't he have just said "Afterwards, you return to the first area..."? Of course not. Now excuse me, I have to go into my room quarters to pound my head skull against the wall barricade.

    And thanks for labeling the pipe as a "gas pipe", Bores. Like I'm so stupid I couldn't figure that out for myself. I can already see a "Bores and Farts" meme appearing on Youtube, showing off his uncontrolled gas attacks.

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  30. "What is that smell? *sniff sniff* Oh, it's just my brain rotting."

    Overall, I think he is fully aware of AVGN's review of these games and tries so hard to NOT Make it look like the same thing. Problem being, pretty much everything about it is forced; we're all familiar with his acting/"anger" and such is forced, but a weak gas line in the living room? Even if it's supposed to be a sketch/story element, it's pathetic, no matter how you look at it.

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  31. Just going off topic here, I watched 'Soylent Green' the other day (spoiler: It's people) and I noticed that in the upper class apartment there is a Computer Space machine which makes a extended cameo and is mentioned in the dialogue. Did Bores bother to mention this interesting fact in his HOVG ep1 to make a point about how video games were seen in some people's eyes as part of future life? No, that would make his videos interesting which is clearly what he is not trying to achieve.

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  32. As someone mentioned above, Save-State Gamer did a parody of this in something crazy like 5 hours after the original went up.

    Definitely worth watching, if only to see how the review is practically identical and it took him a small fraction of the time to make it that it took Bores!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ggqKTZwniM

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  33. And unlike IG's review, the Save State Gamer was funny as hell. If only Bores could be half as witty as his parodists, then he might actually have a shot at being a good reviewer. But then again he wouldn't be such perfect fodder for the parodists either.

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  34. The Irate Gamer is kind of like a horror movie villain, Just when you think he's gone for good he comes back.

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  35. What did we learn about the game in this review. Uhh, I don't think we learned anything.

    All I can remember is that if you play Mario's time machine, you'll die in a gas leak explosion. While if you play Mario is missing, Luigi will randomly appear in your house and you'll gladly allow a Jewish Skeleton in you room. Oh, and you can't die, and the questions are pointless.

    Also, I heard I.M. Meen was an ok educational game.

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  36. Possibly the worst and the ultimate proof that he's not a gamer and he shows no skill at writing or acting review. You'd think that after a few fucking years he'd get the message that his reviews need improvement or go to acting school. Also he needs to get some game requests from his fans instead of randomly pulling games out of his ass or looking towards armake21 or James Rolfe or Big AL or Silent Rob or anyother known reviewer out there.

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  37. At least the YouTube closed captions were funny, much better than the actual video.

    "The story is that my husband hit me."

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  38. Has anyone noticed that IG turned off the comments to all his videos except one and all the comments are of the ball washing kind.

    This is a mistake for him because I gather 80% of his views come from people going to post hate comments against him.

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  39. @Anon (March 15th 12:24 PM)
    *shakes head* He's gone back to his old ways of disabling comments on everything, and only allowing positive comments through.
    Eric Allen claims "He does it because he's busy and doesn't have time to respond to all the comments" but that's such a blatant lie.

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  40. I hate IG so much, he is copycat style of AVGN

    right now i ve found two games who have similar words used

    back to the future
    Indiana jones temple of doom

    olso i prefer AVGN becase says someting about movies and other stuff much more from IG, for exaple last time i watch how James says about laser disc,s i dididnt know about this movies formats, and laser disc CDs are HUGE like my mom vinlys records.

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  41. DLAbaoaqu says:

    During the "joke" with the bandit in Mexico City, there are several minarets in the background.

    Guess what? That's not Mexico City, it's Cairo. Mexico City has all these adobe houses with pinatas in the windows and an orange sky.

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  42. @DLAbaoaqu
    Wow, so he made up the city so he could make that somewhat racist remark.
    That's just low, even for by Chris Bores' standards.

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  43. Oh my God I was reading comments and someone acctualy thought the "Sledge Hammer Tour" was funny. I am not kidding! Here it is:
    "crazychri1 sledge hammer tour lol"
    THAT WASN'T FUCKING FUNNY!
    God danm it these people are fucking retards.

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  44. More evidence of lousy scriptwriting...

    The whole plot centers around how his actions affect the outcome of his day. In one timeline, he causes an explosion, the other he doesn't...

    He tries to foreshadow that by saying it depended on which game he reviewed but IT DOESN'T!

    What determined the outcome of his day was that stupid skeleton. In both reviews, Ronnie just shows up for no reason. In one timeline, he is told to leave, the other he is told to stay. Why? The game can't be the reason in determining whether he should stay or go. Both are bad so it can't be affecting your mood.

    It makes no...I mean...it don't even make no sense at all.

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  45. I do comment on his videos acting as a fan but, that's only because, it's the only way he'll respond or do anything but, block me.

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  46. and thats why too i hate IRATE Gamer, i think better name for this guy are SELFISH Gamer :) HA HA HA

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  47. Selfish gamer DOH! :D

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  48. Is it just me or did Bores use the exact same shot of the "Mario is Missing" cartridge hitting the gas line, instead of reshooting that scene to have the "Mario's Time Machine" cartridge do that in "Timeline 2"?

    If you pay extremely close attention to that shot in both timelines, you'll notice that the cartridge in BOTH shots is the "Mario is Missing" one. The dead giveaway is the brown floor on the artwork for the cartridge.

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  49. AVGN-NostalgiaCriticFanApril 18, 2010 at 3:20 PM

    What was the point of that whole National Lampoon's scene? It was just a big lipped alligator moment.

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  50. You didn't mention that at 4:09 in his video he spelled "assult" wrong.

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  51. OK I decided to sit through this video just to see if it was as bad as you make out... can I borrow some of your tranquilizers because I'm going to need them. I swear this man is not a gamer, I haven't played games myself in years and I know more about mario than this fuckhead did, and I'd probably act better than he does too. The only part I can truely say I liked was when the house blew up because I got to picture him dying

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  52. I. M. Meen is a pretty fun educational game, and has a good soundtrack.

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  53. Additional note: how can Yoshi be murdered twice? This isn't Dragonball, you know.

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  54. What is it with some of the followers of this web log not wanting to give their names? Let alone usernames.

    On topic though, yes. These games were bad, but do you think they would prompt any sane person to script a review this ABYSMAL?!

    The newspaper, the skeleton, the conveniently labelled and EXPOSED gas line, the lack of difference in timelines, the feigned irritation with completing the most linear things .... EVERYTHING!

    And why the hell is Boredom Dozer downgrading himself more and more with each "video" he puts out?

    This is not an astronomically legendary fail of a game you are playing here, T.B.M.. A video without all your stupid trademark features should be more than enough.

    On the other hand, you must keep on fighting and shining, Daniel.
    For us. For the real gamer crowd (James and DLA included). For the sake of a better internet to live by.

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  55. "He gets the wrong time period (because he’s stupid) and the bird takes away his item. His response? “I’ve got a bird for you right here!” *flips off TV*"

    I laughed while reading this, I feel so dirty.

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  56. Seriously stop using the word retard as an insult, it makes you sound like a total jerk, it's offensive to people who actually are mentally retarded.

    ReplyDelete