Sunday, March 14, 2010

Redux Recap: Anachronism to the Future

Last July, I started the Irate Game Sucks blog with the intention of showing that there’s far more problems with this hack then “being an AVGN rip off”. He’s also an incompetent filmmaker, a terrible actor, a greedy con artist, a douchebag, unfunny, and a fake gamer.

Today I want to revisit his older videos, take another look and do brand new recaps of his early crap. Try to do without too much harsh language, and include things I forgot like mistakes I missed or grammar failure.

So let’s return to his first review, Back to the Future on the NES. A video full of anachronisms, bad acting, and stolen quotes, this will set the tone for his upcoming videos. Let’s begin.

0:00 - 0:15: So the video begins with the Irate Gamer at the only movie theater in 2007 that still shows 1980s movies. Right off the bat his acting is unconvincing, if someone was in the movie theater waving his arms around shouting “This is sweet!” they’d be told to shut the hell up.
A little bonus fact, on the DVD version he didn’t remove this scene. Not only that, but he added Tom Servo and Crow from MST3K. So not only will he see lawsuits from Universal, but also suits from Best Brains Inc. Bravo.

0:16 - 0:28: We cut to IG outside an obvious green screen saying that he just saw the movie and can’t wait to play the game. Wait, so they were still showing Back to the Future 4 years after it came out in theaters? The game out in 1989, to coincide with the release of the second movie. Better call Doc Brown to sort this out.
Also this line “Now it’s time to pop in this video game and play the game.” Man, this annoying redundancy is annoying and redundant.

0:28 - 0:44: “Now the first thing you see is the Back to the Future logo” Really? I thought we’d see Batman riding an alligator. He explains the objective is to collect clocks, and that it has nothing to do with the movie’s premise. Welcome to the World of Video Game Adaptations. Very rarely does a game follow the movie perfectly, especially when the movie itself prefers story over action.

I should mention that IG is using a corrupted ROM of the game. All the colors are washed out, the grey road is blue, the green grass is orange, it’s a mess.

0:45 - 1:07: Here he lists off the enemies and obstacles, while being as boring as possible. By the way, those “coffee cups” are garbage cans. The ROM’s screwed-up coloring removed the overflowing trash.

1:08 - 1:18: Ladies & Gentlemen, the Irate Gamers’ first joke. “By the way, what are two delivery men doing out in the street with an expensive piece of glass? Can you say lawsuit? *crash noise plus sound effect*” Wasn’t that hilarious? You have to love how he purposely walks into the glass.

1:19 - 1:44: He starts ranting about the bees and how they weren’t in the movie (World of Video Game Adaptations). He wonders where the bees come from thinking “Back to the Future Part 0: Marty vs. The Bees” accompanied by the BttF poster covered in bees. Apparently that’s meant to be a joke, but I don’t see it.

1:44 - 2:06: IG points out a clock that’s sitting in front of a wall, and asks if that game designer is laughing his ass off about it. He makes sure to highlight this with a spotlight effect as he attempts to gra- wait a minute!

2:06 - 2:42: He comments that the game gets very old, very fast (hey, an actual complaint about the game) and that there’s very few things to help you. He mentions the skateboard and how it looks like something that will kill you (no it doesn’t). Strange how he doesn’t mention the bowling ball, which you need in order to get the skateboard.

2:42 - 3:08: Then he wonders why Marty is wearing a black, sleeveless shirt (“Durr, it’s different because the AVGN said sleeveless, black shirt durrr”) and asks “shouldn’t this be red?” and colors it in. Because I needed to be reminded what red is. He keeps running this joke in the ground by showing various photos and clips, and now he’s breaking one of the major rules of filmmaking, show don’t tell.

3:09 - 3:33: After saying that it should be as accurate as possible (*sighs*) he “jokes” that they should give him a gun if they’re going to ignore the source material. Somehow this gun fires rockets that cause large explosions that last until the enemy is off the screen. Just because you can do special effects doesn’t mean you should. Subtly is key, don’t be like Michael Bay.
Also, he knows that you can use the bowling ball to kill enemies right? Well, seeing that he doesn’t mention it at all I’ll take that as a no.

3:34 - 3:53: He starts talking about the music now. He claims it’s not that bad but contradicts himself saying it will drive you to the point of insanity.
He also says the music wasn’t in the movie. Here’s a mistake a lot of people have made, the song is actually a sped-up midi version of Huey Lewis and the News’ “The Power of Love”. Since multiple people have said this, I won’t fault him for it.

4:09 - 4:23: He starts playing the Lou’s Café stage and explains the objective. Okay nothing too horrible so far…

4:24 - 4:33: “Now here’s the kicker, after you nail a few of them they start coming out faster & faster!” It’s like some sort of video game!

4:35 - 4:50: We cut to Bores on his chair going on about how this stage is impossible and how he’s tried 50 times and can’t do it. He claims “without cheating, I don’t know how this is not possible!” Double negatives aren’t not fun!

4:50 - 5:17: IG says his highest score is 19 (and that’s trying his absolute best) but is pissed that you have to hit 50 to advance. Then he starts comparing this number to completely unrelated games “There aren’t even 50 levels in the game of Super Mario Bros, there aren’t even 50 weapons in the game of Legend of Zelda, there aren’t even 50 stage bosses in the game’s Mega Man 1-6 combined!”
Some mistakes right here. The footage he showed for Zelda was from Link to the Past, not the original game. If he said Link to the Past then that would make sense.
Okay this is nitpicking, but this likely isn’t. He said 50 stage bosses in Mega Man 1-6 combined. Did he mean Robot Masters because there’s only 46 of those. By saying stage bosses, that includes all the Wily Stages, the Doc Robot stages in 3, and the “fake castles” in 4-6 (Cossack, Evil Proto Man, Mr. X). That’s well over 50.
It also doesn’t make sense to compare “enemies you need to kill” to “amount of levels or weapons in a game”, but I’ll attribute that to awful writing.

He ends the review portion saying this game makes every movie Mariah Carey “made” look like a masterpiece. I checked for how many movies she was in, and as of 2007 she was only in 5, and only 2 where she played a leading role. Also, Back to the Future and Mariah Carey? I blame his piss-poor writing.
He also says he wishes he could go back in time and stop the game from being created (*cough*), then realizes that’s a good idea bringing us to the incredibly stupid ending.

IG runs to his 4-Door Sedan (his license plate says Y2B, I just noticed that) and somehow travels back to 1987. Why did he choose that year?
The location is the LJN offices as we cut to Chris Bores in a wig, talking on a modern-day phone and using a modern-day computer. You’d think with that technology LJN would make good games.
He says “tell Mr. Silvestri I’ll handle all the Back to the Future games!” Silvestri? As in Alan Silvestri the movie’s composer? OHHHH that explains why LJN’s games suck. They did their deals with the composers of the movies, now it all makes sense.

“Mr. Caldwell” is told there’s a young man here to see him, IG walks holding an NES Zapper and kills his wigged self. Right in front of the Ten Commandments FOR SHAME, and it seems Caldwell bleeds jelly.
After “saving the day” he somehow altered the timeline, erasing him from existence. Wait how does that work? Unless Chris killed his father then he should still be alive. How does killing the CEO of LJN destroy him? If he implying that LJN is no more? Then why did he review Jaws? God I hate this! Forget Doc Brown, get Doctor Who in here!

The video ends with IG playing Adventures in the Magic Kingdom (not sure why he chose that game), wondering why they never made a Back to the Future game (TIMELINES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY) and that’s it.

For a first review, it’s still shit. Sure, many first reviews aren’t that good, but when you remember that IG only got worse overtime then it’s just a sad state of affairs.

I hope you enjoyed this first redux recap, it won’t be fun rewatching his videos again but I’ll keep on living.

Special Thanks to Mike ***** for reading and enjoying this. Just knowing at least one person is reading my ramblings really helps out, and it's nice that it's getting widespread attention.

17 comments:

  1. Since there are plenty of movie theaters (particularly in college towns)that show older movies as part of midnight specials, I would guess that was the case with Bores' review. However, he doesn't help this much by having the next shot of him outside in broad daylight.

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  2. The whole "hit 50 enemies to advance" was one the stupidest things I heard the Bores say in "reviewing" a game. For one thing 50 enemies and 50 levels are two entirely differnt things, secondly in most action/adventure games you fight far more than 50 enemies in any given game. Lastly Adventures in the Magic Kingdom is a pretty fun game, but this won't be the last time Bores will bash a good game, Aladdin, Ghosts N' Goblins, TMNT 2 Arcade game will have the "pleasure" of being "reviewed" by Bores.

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  3. Good reviews; keep them up. I had never watched IG's early reviews, and this one just made me feel embarrassed for him.

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  4. No one ever comments on the Silvestri thing and it always stands out as bizarre to me. Does he mean to say Robert Zemeckis?

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  5. And don't forget: Marty wasn't wearing a red SHIRT, he was wearing a red down vest. By showing the real BTTF pictures, he made himself look even more ignorant.

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  6. nice job you've done here. By the way, how does a Zapper kill someone? Perhaps Mr Caldwell was in fact a being bade up of light or electronic... and not even from our world or plane of existence.... DUN! DUN! DUUUN!

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  7. Nice redux. I'm looking forward to reading these "almost one year later" lookbacks at the older stuff.

    In all honesty though, I don't really find the early ones to be painful at all... not compared to the more recent ones anyway. Perhaps it's due to the fact that I've dulled my senses in watching this stuff.

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  8. Fattoler@ In the world of the Bores, you could probably kill someone by pointing a wii mote at him and shouting "bang". Nice redux by the way Dan! Keep at it man!

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  9. @fatoller

    If the AVGN used a Zapper to kill Jason, I'm pretty sure a Zapper can be considered a threat in these videos. But Irate Lamer still sucks at making videos none the less.

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  10. DLAbaoaqu says:


    "Stupid games." --IG's last line of the "review"

    When he dies, that's going to be on his tombstone

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  11. Irate's already got a crappy bloopers video up. He somehow can't even do messing up lines right.

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  12. What's the connection between diplomatic community and MasterCard commercials?

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  13. @Anonymous

    Well the answer to that is very simple, um, er...

    GO TELL IT TO THE MARINES!!!1!

    yeah, that...

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  14. Something just occurred to me. You remember the Nerd review where he had a second look at Back to the Future? Did you notice how he touched on factors he didn't include in his first review of it, like catching music notes with your guitar and avoiding lightning in the DeLorean and how he did the same thing to TMNT NES, mentioning stuff he didn't before?

    Isn't it a little weird how Bores only picked on the same topics the Nerd did?

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  15. Atemi (name scrambled for identity protection) reads this archive? That makes for about 5000 of us I.G.S. (no, not the Taiwanese video game developer) fans keeping up to date with this blog- a gigantic, cheerful family.

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  16. "Forget Doc Brown, get Doctor Who in here!"
    looks like we need to sort this out in an epic rap battle!

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