Welcome to another Redux Recap. Before I get into his heinous Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom review, I’ll briefly talk about the “Hotel Gaming” video.
A 58 second clip with Bores in a hotel room, saying that he was going to play his Game Boy (more of that “look guys I’m a real gamer dur hur” crap) but notices the TV has video games on it. However he “gets pissed” when he learns he has to pay to play, thus ending a video that didn’t need to happen.
So what have learned? Hotels charge for things. What was the point of this video?
Alright, enough stalling. On to his review of Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
0:10 - 1:10
The video starts out in “South America” (a South American jungle that lacks bugs, animals, and has a giant road in the middle) with Bores walking through it. Take note of his light-blue t-shirt and jeans.
He arrives at a stock jungle on a green-screen, and walks into his garage. Rather his garage made to look like a temple, and I can tell he worked hard on this. His DVD showed him moving 4 boxes to get this just right!
He sees the game, and as he prepares to grab you’ll notice he’s wearing a gray t-shirt with blue sleeves. How did he change so quickly?
Then he just grabs the game off the pillow, apparently he forgot that you have to put something of equal weight onto it so the trap doesn’t activate. Being a complete dumbass, he activates the “stock explosion” trap, somehow sending him from South America into his room in Ohio. Now his jeans have been replaced by shorts.
This one minute shows how much Bores doesn’t give a crap. He’s wearing two completely different outfits, he messes up one of the basic clichés from Indiana Jones, and when the explosion sends him flying his landing isn’t even convincing. He just goes “aaaaaaah” in a dull voice and sits down in his chair. God what a moronic opening.
By the way, this is the only Indiana Jones related thing in this entire video. Other then the actual game.
1:10 - 1:25: So IG starts reviewing the game, saying that it could have had a lot of promise but ended up being another crappy game added to the pile. To make sure we know what a pile is, we cut to a small pile of NES games with ToD being thrown onto it. It wouldn’t surprise me if this bit somehow took 20 takes, he seems to absolutely suck at throwing things.
1:25 - 1:34: “In fact, this game is so bad it just sort of hangs out there like a rotted testicle.” Uhhh what? Last I checked your testicles are in your pants, unless you’re a nudist then that analogy doesn’t make sense.
“Temple of Doom? More like Temple of DUNG!” Oh God what a bad joke. This is something only a little kid would laugh at, and for a series about 80s games filled with foul language, it really makes me wonder who these videos are made for.
1:34 - 1:50: “You play the game as Indiana Jones” Really? I thought I’d be playing as The Terminator!
“They don’t give you any objectives and just throw you in there.” Hey dumbass, did you bother to read the text before the level started? “Touch Prize to Collect, Touch Kid to See Prize” You have to save the kids and get the weapons and keys. I don’t think that needs to be overly-explained to anyone.
1:50 - 2:22: So he starts talking about the weapons and wonders how to activate them. He notes that none of the buttons activate your weapon, but mentions the Select button activates your inventory screen. That’s not true, the Start button activates your inventory screen. You’ll see why this was such an idiotic error.
2:23 - 2:42: Then he starts talking about the Legend of Zelda and how it’s easier to switch out weapons in that game, and that it’s so easy “even a M.C. Kid could do it.” … I don’t get it. I understand referencing Zelda since ToD’s way of switching weapons is broken, but where does M.C. Kids fall into this? Is this just more “wacky humor”?
2:43 - 3:04: IG finally explains that to change your weapons, you have to press Select and the D-Pad. Wait, I thought Select brought up your inventory screen? How can it do both of those things? It can’t! You fail!
Oh, and somehow he confuses the B button with choosing your weapon. Claiming that if you don’t do it right you’ll jump in the lava, even though B is the jump button.
3:04 - 3:23: “It makes about as much sense as taking a shit in a dishwasher.” Want to know why this line isn’t funny? He delivers it in the most boring, forced tone possible. Then he starts complaining that your hat doesn’t burn up if you fall in lava, prompting me to ask “Who gives a shit?” Oh, and he stops talking about it because he doesn’t care either way. Then why did you bring it up?
3:24 - 3:30: We cut to him saying that we’ll get vertigo from the game’s navigation and controls. Do you even know what vertigo is?
3:31 - 3:55: Blah blah mine carts, blah blah looping blah blah zzzz. Oh, and all the levels loop not just some of them.
3:55 - 4:03: Here Bores mentions that the game is similar to backgrounds from The Flintstones cartoons and how everything loops over and over. Except we’re living this nightmare and we can’t “ex-cape” it.
I’m going to play Devil’s Advocate here because people accuse Bores of stealing this joke from the AVGN‘s Wally Bear and the No! Gang review. This isn’t true, people constantly make fun of The Flintstones’ looping backgrounds. Watch The Simpsons episode “The Front”, there’s a scene with Bart and Lisa talking to Itchy & Scratchy Executive Producer Roger Meyers, asking if the animation takes a long time. He mentions that they cut corners by looping the same backgrounds, and as they’re saying this you can see the same water cooler and maid in the background.
So this is just another example of over-exaggerated accusations, however there’s one bit at the end that’s way too familiar. Moving on now.
4:04 - 4:12: We cut to Bores again, and now he’s wearing jeans. Goes to show how much he doesn’t care about continuity.
He whines about the levels looping and that it’s stupid, prompting another pointless gag where he throws a game and it comes out the other side. What’s the point?
4:13 - 4:48: Bores explains the objective is find keys to open a door. Somehow this pisses him off because the game was labeled as an adventure game not a puzzle game. Wait what? Then for no reason he references Adventures of Lolo. How did we get here? Does Bores have any idea what he’s doing? Why are we talking about Lolo now?
By his logic Little Nemo sucks because you collect keys in that game.
4:49 - 5:25: IG says that he’s had enough and this game sucks. Wait, what game? You were just talking about Adventures of Lolo so does that game suck? Structure your scripts!
Want proof we’re in Hell? Bores does the extremely cliché “Good Angel Bad Devil” bullcrap that everyone is tired of seeing. The angel convinces him to keep playing the game, and Bores tells them to get off his arms. They’re not on your arms! They’re floating in mid-air!
I like how in the description he bragged about how long this took. He “literally” put his blood, sweat, and tears into it. So you cut yourself for blood, exhausted yourself for sweat, and made yourself cry for tears? Do you even know what “literally” means?
Seriously, I’m tired of him bragging about how long his effects takes. People tell me the stuff he does is simple, they don’t understand why he’s making it seem like rocket science.
5:25 - 5:33: He tells us if we shell out money for this game, we might as well bend over and get anally raped. That’s rather graphic isn’t it? I checked and people sell the game for less then $10 dollars, that doesn’t seem like a lot of money.
5:33 - 5:41: IG mentions the controls are terrible (wait for it) and if you press the wrong button you’ll fall and die. That would mean you’ll have to press the RIGHT button, because pressing the wrong button would be stupid. It’s almost done it’s almost done.
5:41 - 6:17: Bores starts ranting about spiders and how they’re annoying. He claims the first time you see them you’ll think they’re a glitch (are you that dense?) and they can kill you easily.
“How is Indiana Jones such a pushover to spiders? I can understand if this game was called ‘Rick Moranis and the Temple of Doom’ but Harrison Ford? Come on!”
This part confuses me. How did you relate spiders to Rick Moranis? Name some famous movies he was in, Ghostbusters, Spaceballs, Little Shop of Horrors, but nothing to do with spiders. Did he just use Rick Moranis because he portrays a wimpy guy?
Also, if you were talking about Indiana Jones then why did you use the actors name? I guess I’m nitpicking here so let’s just finish up.
6:18 - 6:35: Thanks to Game Genie, Bores skips to the last level and beats the game. However he’s pissed off that the ending just says “You Win!” You know, most NES games end like this. You really need to stop bitching that you don’t get something spectacular, because back then video games weren’t like movies!
Don’t forget that this was based off the Arcade Game, where points mattered more then story. By the way, I love how he has 10 lives at the end of the game even though he kept dying. Game Genie works wonders doesn’t it?
So the review ends with Bores bitching that it’s the worst ending ever and the angel and devil telling him to destroy it (what’s with the shoulder devil’s arms?) He takes the game out (while you see his true love in the TV’s reflection), puts it in the microwave, uses the same stock explosion effect, and does the Mortal Kombat “Toasty!”
Couple of notes with that last shot. People accuse Bores of stealing that from the AVGN’s MC Kids review, and I can see what they mean. In MC Kids, The Nerd was trapped and the only choice was to kill himself in lava, prompting the toasty. This was the last shot of the video. Bores puts the game in the microwave, uses a fake explosion, and brings out the toasty. This was also the last shot of the video.
So Bores uses the exact same joke at the exact same time, I can see how that’s plagiarism.
The other thing worth mentioning is that in the comments, Bores claimed it took him an hour to get his face just right, and even more time listening to the Toasty clip to make sure his voice sounded exactly like it. You know, time wasted on something that could have gone towards writing.
This review sucks. He kept jumping to different things, he only made one Indiana Jones reference with that poorly-made intro, and overall it looks like he just didn’t care. And he still doesn’t care to this day.
It’s worth noting that a year after IG’s video, the Angry Video Game Nerd reviewed it as well. However, The Nerd’s review was much different.
He released it to coincide with Kingdom of the Crystal Skull’s release, he reviewed two other games along with it (Raiders of the Lost Ark on the Atari 2600 and the Ubisoft version of The Last Crusade on the NES), and James’ review was better overall. Not to mention he “destroyed” it by ripping out its heart JUST LIKE THE MOVIE!
Even with all that evidence, people still accuse the AVGN of ripping off Bores. Even to the point where they say James rips off seanbaby. Funny how people say that when Armake21 noted that Bores steals from I-Mockery, Seanbaby, and anyone else reviewing bad NES games before YouTube became popular.
Next Redux Recap: The video that got him popular, and established him as a fucking moron. Until next time.