Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Redux Recap: Where's Waldo and the Talent? Bonus: MasterCard is pissed!

Before I start today’s recap, I’ll briefly talk about Bores’ newest bloopers video. It sucks.

Okay there’s more to it. The bloopers are the same “pausing in the middle” crap we’ve seen before. But he included an alternate scene from the latest video.
The scene where Bores thinks Luigi has diplomatic immunity originally had an even less funny joke. The “joke” in the video was Luigi pissing on the sidewalk, the alternate take was a parody of the MasterCard commercials. I’m not kidding, he somehow connected “I must have diplomatic immunity” to a MasterCard commercial. It still ended with Luigi taking a computer-generated piss on the sidewalk so it makes even less sense.

You know what this reminds me of, the absolute worst of Family Guy. This is like Something, Something, Something, Dark Side if done by retarded turkeys rather then retarded chimps. Why would you include a MasterCard parody? What’s the relevance?

I love how the idiot fans are saying “Where can I get an Irate MasterCard?” That’s not even clever, it’s like the Nostalgia Critic once said “You can’t just add the word ’land’ to something and expect it to be a fully developed, three dimensional world!” Same could be said here, adding “Irate” to something doesn’t make it special Chris.
How is an “Irate” MasterCard different from a regular one? Does it yell “dickwaffles” if you try to go over your credit limit? Once again, supporting my theory that he has completely forgotten the definition of the word “Irate”.

Now that I got that out of the way, let’s begin the Redux Recap of his Where’s Waldo video.

0:00 - 0:25: The video starts out with a history lesson, oh good I can catch up on my sleep. IG drones on about Waldo being immensely popular and how kids spent “hours” trying to find him. Maybe you spent hours considering how slow you work? Then in the following “weeks” came a slew of merchandise. *sighs* This line bothers me, but I can’t put my finger on why it does.

0:26 - 0:38: He takes out the NES cartridge and comments “Someone at THQ thought it would be a good idea to take this hit book series and turn it into a piece of shit video game.” To THQ’s credit, it was a good idea. Adapting something that’s popular to another medium will sell, no matter how bad it is. It’s called Marketing, it’s a basic business principle.

By the way, does this opening remind you of the AVGN’s Ghostbusters review? A history lesson talking about the franchise’s popularity, the ensuing merchandise, and getting to the crappy video game spin-off. This might be a bit of a reach… though plagiarism doesn’t limit itself to just “direct quotes” but concepts and ideas as well.

0:45: The review begins.

0:48 - 1:09: IG starts out on the Easy setting (which I should mention is insulting) and says it’s a pixilated mess. I’m bored already.

1:09 - 1:16: He repeats his “Someone at THQ…” line. Marketing 101 Chris, or how about Common Sense 101?

1:30 - 1:43: Holy crap! An actual complaint about the game! Okay, Bores mentions that the controls are slippery and it’s hard to position the cursor in the right spot.
I gotta be honest here, if Bores did more complaints like this then he might have improved over time. But no, he decided to stick with annoying cutaway gags, bitching about aspects that don’t effect the overall game, and being as vague as possible.

1:45 - 1:52: He finds Waldo and claims it would be easier to find cat shit. Cut to Bores finding a stock excrement image placed on the game screen and exclaiming “Hey there it is!”
To all his idiot fans that say he doesn’t use toilet humor: This is his second episode!

1:52 - 2:29: IG points out how long it takes for Waldo to get to his next destination, notice how Waldo is walking to The City and keep that in mind. We then get a montage of Bores “waiting” and somehow in the 10 seconds it takes for Waldo to reach his destination he obtains a watch to keep time, a can of soda, a bag of chips, and a toothbrush.
I understand this is for comedy, exaggerating how long it takes for Waldo to move from place to place, but this isn’t funny. It’s just not.
So Waldo ends up in The Cave. Remember when I said keep an eye on The City? Apparently Waldo can teleport to an earlier stage in the game, either that or inconsistent editing.

2:30 - 2:52: He starts talking about the cave stage and how it’s a complete crap shoot to find Waldo in the dark. You see, the cursor acts as a flashlight and when Waldo pops up you have to search the general area to find him. It’s not that hard compared to the rest of the levels.

2:53 - 2:58: He once again reminds us that “Someone at THQ blah blah good idea” but stops midway. What was the point of that?

2:59 - 3:23: IG wonders where all of Waldo’s friends are “Like Wizard Whitebeard, the dog, or the Evil Waldo” I mean, it’s not like the Evil Waldo was a minor character they introduced in the fifth season of the show, he was there right from the beginning. So there’s no excuse, there’s no ex-… Wow he really did steal a lot from the AVGN.
By the way Bores, Waldo was alone in the first two books and I doubt people cared about finding his friends.

3:24 - 4:00: Finally Bores reaches the last level and sees the ending with Waldo landing on the moon. He’s then “angered” that the game has no ending, and doesn’t understand why Waldo is on the moon.
Ugh… when you select your difficulty the first thing you see is Waldo holding a ticket to the moon and you have 5-10 minutes to get there (depending on the difficulty). Waldo landing on the moon means you beat the game, and that you won.
I know beating the game is a completely foreign concept to you but most of the time all you get is a single “You Win” screen, even the best games only give you that.

You have to love his acting in this scene. He’s just pushing his arms out like he wants a hug. At least it’s a step up from “Robotic Time Cop that’s somehow a parody of The Matrix instead of Time Cop.”

4:00 - 4:40: He ends the review saying the game should be placed on the moon with Waldo and asks why they couldn’t make a proper ending. He decides to make up an ending that’s honest about the game saying “Congratulations. You had the patience to sit through this awful game. You proved your nerdiness. Now go fuck yourself!” Okay I’m going to address this in the next redux recap, because there’s a BLATANT example of his plagiarism there.

4:40: Starts review of The Great Waldo Search for the SNES. What’s with the strange emphasis on the first letter of SNES?

4:50 - 5:01: He starts the game and wonders why it’s called The “Great” Waldo Search (it’s named after the book). His timing is so horrible “let’s not judge a book- uh I mean, a video game by its cover” I mean GOD!

5:01 - 5:21: “When you start the game, you’ll notice a vast improvement in graphics. It’s amazing compared to the original” as he shows a side-by-side with the NES game. Really, a 16-Bit console has better graphics then an 8-Bit console? What a scoop! I’ll bring this to the Tribune right away!
Headline: SNES games look better then NES games!
I mean really, you’re complimenting an SNES game for looking better then an NES game. That’s like playing Bionic Commando Rearmed and saying the graphics are a vast improvement over the NES version. It’s just… duhhhhh.

5:35 - 5:56: We cut to IG shaking his controller around (obviously NOT playing the game) and droning about how his “Irate nature is running on all 4 cylinders”. Man he’s really angry, you can tell by his boring and monotone voice. He continues droning that the game gets old and it should have been a side-scrolling adventure game, man he really does sound bored.

5:57 - 6:10: He gets “pissed off” that the game only has 5 levels while the NES game had more then that. Strange how when he’s talking normally he sounds interested, but when he’s “angry” he turns bored. A-List acting there Bores.

6:10 - 6:25: He decides to do some math *holds back laughter* noting that NES games back in the day (wait NES games?) cost blah blah blah I don’t care.

6:25 - 6:38: Now for the worst part of this video. “It’s pretty much a slap in the face when you have other NES games like Super Mario World, which has over 96 levels to explore and Donkey Kong Country which has over 100 unique levels”.
You heard right, Chris Bores called Super Mario World and Donkey Kong Country NES games. I won’t rage this time, but I will ask a simple question. How does anyone think he’s legit? This was his second episode, you’d think right off the bat someone would notice this and see he’s not a gamer.
I doubt it was a slip of the tongue either, notice earlier he put heavy emphasis on the “S” in SNES. He probably figured out he was wrong but it was too late to fix the later mistakes. You’d have to be like a soccer mom not to know the difference.
Oh and Super Mario World has 72 levels, a lot of them have an alternate exit thus 96 EXITS.

6:43 - 6:50: “It makes you wonder how quickly they slapped this game together in order for them to sell it to kids who were hoping they just purchased a great game.” Sounds exactly like your DVD.

6:51 - 6:58: “It says in the title GREAT Waldo Search!” Again, it’s based off the book of the same name. You think with all the “research” you did to rip off the A- I mean for your opening you would notice this.

So the review ends with Bores ranting that if he finds Waldo anywhere near his “NES System” again (Nintendo Entertainment System System?) he’ll kick his ass. What’s with the picture by the way? It shows his NES and SNES on top of his DVD player without controllers, and Donkey Kong Country is in the SNES not The Great Waldo Search. Whatever it’s just about over.
He “destroys” the games by… putting them through a paper shredder. Daaah physics what’s that? Do you think your audience is stupid enough to believe you can fit cartridges through a paper shredder? Well, I remember reading the comments to this video a while back and people actually asked “Did you really put your games in the shredder?” so yes his audience really is that stupid.

This review was just boring. He just droned on and on, and the whole second half is a clear cut sign that he was never a gamer.
Until the next Redux Recap (or when Bores releases something again, probably a vague movie review) I’ll see you later.

42 comments:

  1. Looking back into his old videos, they've all (or most) have been him destroying/wrecking the game cartridges in the endings. Uninspired and redundant.

    Yeah, the MasterCard bit only adds to the stupidity (and boredom factor) of his reviews.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just gone and been seeing "X" Now when I first heard this movie was coming out, I was not quite sure what to think, but the trailer blew me away. Now I hasen't been reading the "X" comic books for a while now but I thought it was a good adaptation. Being a film director myself, I know how difficult it is to convey all the emotions and scenery, but I think Director "Y" pulled it off real swell, a real home run. In conclusion you should see "X" because it was great, but yet again you might not like it.

    Just replace X with any movie and Y it's director and you will have the Bores' next movie review.

    ReplyDelete
  3. @fattoler
    That's scary accurate.
    Don't forget pictures that slowly zoom in.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wait... where can I get an Irate MasterCard exactly?

    It always bothers me in this video how he writes "$40 Dollars"

    ReplyDelete
  5. To be fair I think Bores made some good points about the games being bad... It is just a shame Bores had to ruined those good points with bad jokes and horrible gags. He beat the "someone at THQ..." joke to death (and it wasn't funny in the first place). And he put the game on EASY?!?! it not like he was playing a very challenging game like Gradius,or Ghosts N Goblins. The "Irate" Mastercard joke was painful to watch. Even though that "joke" didn't make the original cut Chris must have really liked the joke regardless to put it in the bloopers video.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Yeah, that MasterCard bit made Bores look more stupid than he usually does. btw, BatDan, where do you see all of Bores' videos?

    ReplyDelete
  7. "They gave him an...IRATE MASTER CAAAAARD!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? AAARGH!!!!!! *goes insane*

    But seriously. This. was. stupid. The only bloopers that have been worse were the ones on his DVD.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @Erik
    He had realistic points, but as you said he ruined them with bad jokes and gags.
    Plus, Where's Waldo "difficulty" is due to the poor graphics, not by design like the games you mentioned.

    And that's the thing, he didn't like it enough to include it in the final cut but he thought it was "funny" enough to post.
    Maybe that's why his videos take so long, he films a bunch of scenes only to not include them in the final cut.
    That seems like a waste of time doesn't it?

    @Anon (March 17th, 9:59 AM)
    Sadly I have to look at them on his YouTube account.
    Though I've heard the ad revenue on YouTube is like pennies, compared to Blip where you can actually make money.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love the new version of your early recaps.

    I completely agree with you about the "Irate MasterCard" bit. Reading the comments is just too painful.

    "LOL iRate mastercard ur so funny!!!! XD"

    ReplyDelete
  10. @RemoveCarefully
    Haha that reference works really well.

    The DVD bloopers, 30 seconds of him pausing in the middle of his lines. TOTALLY WORTH $11 DOLLARS!

    @Anon (March 17th, 10:14 AM)
    Thanks man.
    It's like these kids have never seen a real comedy. Get them some Mel Brooks or National Lampoon.
    Hell, get the Marx Bros if you want get classic.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well guys, it's official. James Rolfe is going to take a break from his AVGN videos; a well deserved, one month break. He will make his retur in May. The reason why I am saying this is because there is a good chance, a VERY GOOD CHANCE, that Chris Bores may not release an Irate Gamer video in April. If he does, Batdan is gonna be pissed.
    When he's pissed, some bitches are gonna get shot. B/ (LOL joke)
    Hey Batdan, if Bores gets very little from his youtube and website revenue, how in the world did Fred get so rich?!

    ReplyDelete
  12. @Anon,

    Because Fred is a fucking family friendly face Youtube can mech off to their hearts content. Also he makes far more videos and they get far more views.

    ReplyDelete
  13. The mario world being an nes game REALLY pisses me off! why? its simple, when someone posted an abbridged version of a video called "Top ten stupidest things said by Irate Gamer" people actually AGREED WITH IRATE GAMER WHEN HE SAID THAT MARIO WOLRD WAS ON THE NES!!! RAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!*static*
    *pant* *pant* o and heres the link to the full video on gametrailers! (the stupid comments by his fans are on the youtube version)

    http://www.gametrailers.com/user-movie/top-ten-stupidest-things-said/276777

    ReplyDelete
  14. What fattoler said, and merchandise.

    I learned something interesting from Kwing (awesome reviewer, check his stuff out) about gaming-related YouTube partners.
    This relates to UltraNeko (Sadie's Gaming Infection) but he says most of them used people and are complete evil.
    UltraNeko was an actress that lied about being a gamer, and had thousands of dollars donated to her and then just ran away.
    He even said "there's a lot of fakes among our ranks". He's not a partner so he means gamers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I also did not understand the joke behind adding the word "irate" to the outdated mastercard parody

    ReplyDelete
  16. Darthgamer.

    Hey! Someone uploaded my old IG video from Gametrailers onto youtube? I was going to put it up but I never got round to it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. @Anon (March 17th 1:40 PM)
    The answer is simple, inhumanely awful writing.

    @fattoler
    That was you? Awesome.
    Yeah a guy named "Irateqamer" (with a Q) uploaded it.

    The comments on it are beyond stupid. People defended the "There are aliens in this game?" quote, they said the "not having friends" scene was a joke, and I seriously saw people say "Super Mario World WAS an NES game."

    ReplyDelete
  18. Dan what do you think of NeverChris and the Happy Video Game Nerd?

    ReplyDelete
  19. NeverChris, uggh. I had to stop watching that guy a long time ago. He had this neat little niche where he'd review budget Wii games that I liked and then he threw it out for a bunch of childish, pointless rants.

    HVGN on the other hand, I really like. I remember begging that guy in comments to drop the gimmicky name because he was way, way better than that. He's still awesome and the name's still gimmicky. Still, I stand by him.

    Umm... I realize you didn't ask me but I had a good 2¢.

    ReplyDelete
  20. @ BatDan

    Well I would upload the full version onto Youtube right now but because the computer I'm using right now suffers from being completely crap I can't. However look it up on Gametrailers and you will find it.

    ReplyDelete
  21. HVGN is awesome. Unlike Bores, he knows a lot about games. He has a great style and he can act.

    Kwing is another cool reviewer. A bit low key for my tastes, but again he knows what he's talking about and his reviews actually cover the game in question instead of pointlessly moaning about bullshit like the Irate Gamer.

    Gamester81 is a great channel. This guy is like a museum of old game systems, many of which I didn't even know about. If Bores had half of this guy's knowledge, then he might actually make informed reviews instead of his typical garbage.

    Myasshasworms is great. He's unlike any reviewer out there. Unfortunately he hasn't made new videos in a while, otherwise I would have subscribed to him.

    Redlettermedia is cool. His devastating review of the Phantom Menace is classic. If only he'd do the same thing to shitty video games.

    Thirdrategamer. One of the best, if not the best, Irate Gamer parodists out there. I only wish he made videos more often.

    There are plenty of other better reviewers out there too. It's sad that Bores gets so much attention when he can't even make one good review.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Haha, just looked through some of the comments in that Top 10 video and someone was defending him calling SMW an NES game because "NES" means "Nintendo", and SMW was made by Nintendo, which means it is an NES game. Ugh.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Here is my original top ten video. Out of Date, but considering how slowly Bores makes his videos it's not too badly aged. (BTW I REALLY hate that music in retrospect)

    http://www.gametrailers.com/user-movie/top-ten-stupidest-things-said/276777

    ReplyDelete
  24. Third Rate Gamer:

    That reminded me of the time I disproved Bores' claim that the Genesis came out after the SNES by mentioning Sega's advertising slogan, "Genesis does what Nintendon't," and this IG fanboy said, "Yeah, well they were talking about the company, not just the NES."

    So yeah, there are Irate Gamer fans who actually believe that the Genesis came out after the SNES.

    ReplyDelete
  25. @Third Rate Gamer
    Goes to show what the intelligence of the average IG viewer, little kids that laugh at anything.

    @Anon (March 17th 10:03 PM)
    Ugggggh. That hurts my brain so much.

    ReplyDelete
  26. He does the game ending joke in his Contra 3 'Review' as well.

    'Go fuck yourself you gaming asshole' is what he says, I believe.

    ReplyDelete
  27. @Jarv156
    Yes he reused the "made-up game ending" joke in Contra III.
    However it doesn't work there since Contra III is a damn good game, it makes him sound like a whiny 7 year old kid that can't get his way.

    I still don't get why he says Contra is one of his favorite series and then proceeds to unfairly bash the games.
    At least when the AVGN had his Castelvania marathon, he showed respect towards the series. You could tell he was joking through most of it (except for when he confused Dawn of Sorrow's story with Aria of Sorrow's)

    Bores was just making up that bullshit about being a Contra fan, he had to overuse Game Genie and various cheat codes just to get past Level One in all of them.

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Justin Holmes

    Oh, like his rant on Yakuza 3, where he ranted about SEGA cutting a good amount of content out of the US version?

    And he's got maturity.
    I'm sure he'll release another shovelware review soon. In the meantime, sit back, relax, ands enjoy this blog.

    Anyway, I still like NeverChris, and if you don't, that's fine by him and me. :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Also reminds me when I commented on his "Ghost and Goblins" review about points not beening quite useless, as you get 1UPs from them. Someone said that the NES version doesn't do this: "Points don't give you 1UPs in the NES version." Two things:

    1) NES version: 50,000 = 1UP, while Arcade version: 20,000 = 1UP. So yeah, its hard to get 1UPs through points in the NES version.

    2) Bores is also playing the arcade version.

    Yeah, ericmansuper complained about point systems in "Bart Meets Radioactive Man" and "Indiana Jones", even though in those games, point give you lives. He kinda makes this all up by beating both of them WITHOUT cheats. That, and on his "Indiana Jones" review, he actually made a good point about it.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hey fattoler, I didnt know you made that! thats awesome! I really did like it, you made some good points, and ya the comments on the youtube version were really retarded.
    Batdan@ya I cant belive how utterly dumb people can be. see you next topic!

    ReplyDelete
  31. @ Anon (March 18 9:24 AM)

    I haven't watched NeverChris since about fall of 2008 and maybe he's shown some maturity since then. I thought he had a chance to really establish himself as something really different from the pack but settled on rants I couldn't stand. I unsubscribed when I realized that if someone walked in the room while I was watching his stuff, I'd be embarrassed. Given most of the stuff I watch on the Internet (Irate Gamer parodies, hello) that's saying a lot.

    But no hard feelings towards him and I can't begrudge you for liking him. At his best I thought he was something really special.

    ReplyDelete
  32. IG released his Top Ten Summer Movies list. Hilarious stuff. His thoughts on The Last Airbender: "... this movie is directed by M. Night Shyamalan. So, this one could be pretty good!" Bwahahahaa

    ReplyDelete
  33. Kinda off topic, I just got done watching NC's "Bio-Dome" review and is it me, or the part where NC talks about how the movie was a "predecessor to all those really bad YouTube videos", kinda described "Chris and Scottie Roadtrip"?

    ReplyDelete
  34. @vicviper592
    I was actually thinking of those idiots that attempt Jackass-style stunts and get hurt really bad.
    Though that works, Chris & Scottie were being dickheads and doing dickheadish things.

    ReplyDelete
  35. If you're reviewing a game that started off as something else, is some background on the franchise really plagiarism? I'm sorry, I think you make really good points, and that IG should have his kneecaps split for his multiple affronts to gaming. I just don't see the harm in bringing everyone up to speed (or trying) before he really starts making an ass of himself.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Oh, and Evil Waldo was in fact a character who were there in episode 1 of the cartoon.

    ReplyDelete
  37. @Anon (March 22nd 12:00 PM)
    I'm not saying that the AVGN created that concept, but the way Bores presented it was kind of the same.
    I don't know, it felt a little too familiar to the intro of his Ghostbusters review. Showing all the different merch, the toys, mentioning the animated series, and transitioning to the game.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Should've made it Irate Discover card, since he's accepted in about as many places.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Looking back at this. To Bores's credit, there are pirated NES versions of SMW and DKC... but that dosn't excuse the lack of knowledge... at all!

    ReplyDelete
  40. Why didn't anybody in the comments brought up that Waldo's dog is named Woof and the "evil Waldo" is Odlaw, which is "Waldo" spelled backwards? I knew that from the books.

    ReplyDelete
  41. P.S. I should have said in my last comment,

    "Why didn't anybody in the comments bring up that..."

    ReplyDelete
  42. To be fair to Bores The SNES and Nes are very similar sounding I mean at least he didn't think it was the geneses

    ReplyDelete