Saturday, April 3, 2010

Redux Recap: Super Mario Bros 2 is awesome. I don't care what you say.

This is it, the beginning of the end. The IG review that shown there was no hope of Chris Bores proving himself as a legit gamer or competent reviewer. This video is baaaaaaad. Yes, the first seven were bad but this was repulsive. Everything that could go wrong did.

*sighs* Strap in, this is the recap of IG’s Super Mario Bros. 2 review.

Before I start, I’ll provide some trivia.
This was his first video YouTube featured on their front page, shortly afterwards Bores became a YouTube partner. So other then his haters and 11 year old idiot fans, the only other people that watch him are what I call the “YouTube Proles” (named after the lowest class in Orwell’s 1984). These are the people that eat up anything YouTube features, they don’t care how bad it is they just watch it. They’re the kind of people that approve of YouTube’s newest PIECE OF SHIT layout.

On the subject of YT Partnership, video game reviewers Guru Larry and Kwing have tried to get partnership but were rejected because their content was not original enough. The irony is baffling.

Alright, I’ve put this off long enough. Let’s begin.

Intro: This was the first video to include his theme song. Does anyone else think his theme sounds like the Nightmare Before Christmas song Making Christmas?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKAxikZmY-0 You be the judge.

0:21 - 0:31: “Mario’s perhaps one of the most recognizable video game icons of all time” Uh yeah ya THUNIK?
“And that’s mainly because they packaged each Nintendo system with the game Super Mario Bros.” Great, there’s a lot wrong already.
What do you mean by Nintendo system? Do you mean every single console Nintendo made? Because I sure as hell don’t remember Super Mario Bros. on the Gamecube’s launch.
Or did you mean “Nintendo Entertainment System?” Other then being incredibly vague by calling it something other then the NES or Nintendo, that’s completely false. The Deluxe Set at launch didn’t come with Super Mario Bros, and future sets like the Sports Set and Challenge Set didn’t have it. You see why this video sucks so much? Not even a minute in and I’m getting pissed.

0:31 - 0:38: “It quickly became popular and spawned sequels.”
By the way, I noticed something interesting in the description text. He says he reviewed over 5 games for this video. He talked about Super Mario Bros 2, Super Mario Bros The Lost Levels, Doki Doki Panic, and Super Mario Advance… that’s four. Did he really count that 7 seconds of Super Mario Bros. footage as a review? Just because you show the game doesn’t mean you reviewed it. That would be like the AVGN saying he reviewed Super Mario Bros. in various episodes because he referenced it.

0:38 - 0:45: “But if you line up all the Mario games in order…” that’s not all of them genius.
“… one of them sticks out like a sore thumb.” Ugh, ignoring that badly-written line I have to ask which one? Is it Super Mario World 2: Yoshi’s Island? A game where you don’t play as Mario but instead play as Yoshi carrying Baby Mario?
“And that game is Super Mario Bros 2” Hoo boy, get ready folks.
What’s with the shaky cam?

0:46 - 0:54: Cut to Bores giving us a weak-ass disclaimer “I know what you’re thinking, that I’m going sit here and bash Super Mario 2. But before you start sending your hate-mail, just hear me out.” Too late jackass.

0:54 - 1:00: “Now, I don’t hate Mario 2, but when compared to the other Mario games this one just has ass written all over it” and he accompanies this by putting the word “ass” in various fonts on a picture of the SMB2 cartridge.
Do you even look over what you write? That’s like if I said “Okami is an excellent game, but it’s a load of garbage!” Oh, and watch as his statement unravels at the half-way point.

1:00 - 1:05: “First of all, there’s nothing remotely familiar in this game that was included in the previous ones.” Guh… What do you call the main characters, the mushroom power-ups, the Koopa shells, the Starman power-up music, the opening music using the underwater music from the first game, and the coins?

1:06 - 1:12: Waaah none of these things from the first game are here, this game is terrible! Oh, and it seems he always called Koopa Troopas “Koopa Turtles”. It wasn’t noticeable until the Educational Mario games episodes because he kept saying it over and over.

1:13 - 1:29: “Instead we’re treated to a cast of goofy and oddball characters. Like Shy Guys, Snifits, and Bob-ombs.” All of which became beloved Mario staples, especially Bob-ombs. You couldn’t have said any of the enemies that never reappeared after this game?
And really are they any stranger then walking mushrooms, turtles that throw hammers, or bullets with evil grins?
“And the real shitshocker *pause* is that …” Why did you pause there? Was that a laugh track pause?
“… the villain of the previous game has been replaced by a fat frog named Wart. This makes no sense whatsoever!” Oh boo-freakity-hoo, do you think kids cared back then?

1:30 - 1:47: Here he explains the characters and what they do, ending with this little gem. “And Toadstool? Well he’s pretty much worthless.” *shakes head* First of all, his name is Toad. Toadstool was the Princess’ name in early localizations. Hell any game before Super Mario 64 she was Toadstool.
And Toad is worthless? Dude, he’s the fastest character. He has the top running speed, he can pick items up faster then anyone else, and he’s really helpful in stages that require digging. Did you even play this game before making this entire video series?

1:47 - 2:00: He starts the game and points how you fall from a door in the sky, saying he has no idea how it got up there.
The following is a passage from the Super Mario Bros. 2 instruction manual

After arriving at the picnic area and looking at the scenery, they see a small cave nearby. When thy enter this cave, to their great surprise, there's a stairway leading up, up and up. It is exactly like the one Mario saw in his dream. They all walk together up the stairs and at the top, find a door just like the one is Mario's dream. When Mario and his friends, in fear, open the door, to their surprise, the world that he saw in his dream spreads out before them!....

Gee, you think that door in the sky might relate to the game’s story?

2:01 - 2:09: After mentioning the gameplay was altered, he starts comparing it to the first game (Why? Because he’s a terrible writer and gaming fraud). He says they got rid of smashing your enemies and you have to pick them up and throw them. I love how he says this right next to a POW Block, because that works much better then the slow method.

2:10 - 2:26: Then IG starts complaining that SMB2 is only a 1-player gamer, prompting a lame gag where a clone of Bores comes in asking if he could play but is told he can’t because it’s not a 2-player game. You have to love how polite the “Irate Gamer” is to his clone that just came out of nowhere.
Hey idiot, you could try taking turns. In fact, that’s how you do it in the first game. It’s not co-op like Gauntlet or Contra. Though, that would require real friends and obviously you don’t have those.

2:26 - 3:01: Now we’re getting into nitpicky shit. Bores starts whining that they only give you two hearts (those aren’t hearts they’re hexagons and the first game didn‘t even give you a health meter) and that it’s way too hard to replenish your health. He compares this to the first game and that it’s “really simple” to find a mushroom in a random block. He says it’s harder in the second game because you have to kill a certain number of enemies for a heart to appear and “doing it this way is just STOO-pid”.
I’m gonna need a minute… Chris are you retarded? It’s waaaaay easier to get health in SMB2. I’d prefer killing enemies over finding a mushroom at random.
A lot of games give you health for killing enemies, almost all Zelda games, all Metroid games, most Mega Man games, Adventure Island, Batman on the NES, Monster Party, etc.
Hell, even the later Mario games do this. In SMB2, enemies respawn making it very easy to get back your health! All you’re doing is finding “flaws” that aren’t legitimate to try cash in on an idea you didn’t even think of! Gaaah!

*collects self* Sorry, hopefully I can get through this without anymore of sanity slipping.

3:01 - 3:15: IG begins complaining that they screwed up the invincibility power-up. Instead of just finding it, you have to collect 5 cherries. Are you joking? That’s even easier than getting health! The Starmen were harder to get then Mushrooms in the first game, and you’re complaining they screwed up it? Are you brain dead?

3:15 - 3:49: Now here comes one of the absolute worst IG moments. He collects the fifth cherry and the star appears, along with grabbing the cherry in a place where the star would take the most time to get to your character, he also SLOWS DOWN THE FOOTAGE! What the hell? It’s one thing to misrepresent a game but this is going too fucking far! This is absolutely dishonest and deceitful, and you should get banned from YouTube you lying sack of crap! You’re an insult to gamers everywhere!

Oh, and to emphasize how “slow” it is he does something completely unnecessary. He exclaims he could take a shit faster then this and then goes to the bathroom! Oh yeah, a bowel movement is a reasonable way to measure time.
Reminds me of the AVGN’s Sega CD review where he says you could dump your ass in the time it takes a game to load. Only he had the decency NOT to get up and take a dump just to pad time!
And the fans say Bores isn’t vulgar? You brats are blind!

Oof I guess my sanity slipped again. I’ll try to maintain composure for the rest of this, but I can’t make any promises.

3:49 - 4:15: Bores starts complaining that the game doesn’t have enough power-ups (except for all the items you can pick up and throw. You know, almost everything in the game?) and that there’s too many enemies. Look at this footage, he’s terrible at the game. He’s not even trying to avoid the enemies. Then he tries to hide from a Pokey by running into the cactus, and he starts whining that he got killed. Jeez even my sister can play better then this.

Followed by a montage where it looks like he has trouble taking a crap. Bores you need a better way to convey your anger. Gritting your teeth and turning red makes it look like you need a laxative.

4:16 - 4:44: IG starts whining about Birdo (who he never mentions by name, just calling them “Big Dopey Birds”) and the more you fight the harder they get. It’s like some sort of video game.
Time for another unnecessary cutaway! Bores gets so “annoyed” at these things that he wants to reach in and beat them up, cutting to him in front of a green screen punching a Birdo while shouting “GET OVER HERE!” What was the point of this? To show off your “incredible green screen skills” that really aren’t that great? Almost at the halfway point.

4:44 - 5:00: He reaches Wart’s lair (I’d like to thank Game Genie for getting me here) and claims he’s a pushover. Funny how he says that when he obviously uses two different cuts of footage. One where he jumps past Wart and gets behind him, making me ask “What the hell are you doing you moron?”
But we have time for one more annoying one-liner! “Giving another reason for kids not to eat their vegetables” Ugggggh.

5:01 - 5:16: We see the ending and his lame stats (he mostly used Luigi) and Mario in bed showing the entire game was a dream.
Now it’s time for a visit from Hypocrisy! “You know I wish I was dreaming up this game because it fucking sucks! Compared to the other Mario games this one if the worst of the bunch.”
Even though that is completely untrue (Hotel Mario, Mario’s Time Machine, Mario Clash) it’s so nice to know that you don’t read over your scripts.
Earlier in the review you said “I don’t hate Mario 2” and here you exclaim “it fucking sucks and it’s worst of the bunch.” Tell me Chris, how do these episodes take months? Obviously only 2 hours are spent on the writing process, something that should deserve a lot more attention.

5:17 - 5:44: “Now if you think this review is over, then think again!” Oh boy, I can hardly contain myself.
Bores begins droning on about Super Mario All-Stars (referring back to the earlier paragraph, is this supposed to be one of the 6 games?) and you watch him suck at the SNES version of SMB2.
Then he notices the fourth game Super Mario Bros The Lost Levels, and because he likes to play us for fools (or he really is that stupid) he asks “There were Lost Levels?” That’s what it says in the title…

5:44 - 6:00: Bores continues to play us for fools as I notice a very grave error. He’s playing Super Mario All Stars (an SNES game) but is holding an NES controller. To the people that still think he’s a gamer, can you go bash your head against a wall so you’ll lose the idiot blindfold and see reality?
“Well, the title’s misleading. Because after doing some research…” Famous line folks! The first utterance of “after doing some research” and it’s so obvious that he didn’t.
“… I learned that this game is in fact the real Super Mario Bros. 2!” OH MY GOD! Something people have known about for years!

6:01 - 6:10: So IG goes on how they didn’t change a lot, using the same enemies, the same “maps” (you mean levels?) and this oversight of the same power-ups RIGHT as a uncovers a Poison Mushroom. You know, the Poison Mushroom that was NOT in the first game?

6:10 - 6:15: And now: Chris Bores’ incredible grasp of the English language.
“This game right here is the perfect predecessor to the first Mario game!” Thank you, thank you.
Holy shit, how could you make a stupid mistake like that? I still can’t believe that he does multiple takes of this shit. At least when Ed Wood refused to do a second take, he did it because he was on a slim budget.

6:15 - 6:28: Blah blah what’s our Mario blah blah I’m such a great writer blah blah here’s a stupid gag where I jump-cut a game into my hand.
Seriously, jump-cutting. That’s not even a special effect! Somewhere a YouTube Prole found that scene funny.

6:28 - 6:37: Bores drones on about this being a mystery (it’s not) and that we have to get to the bottom of it (let’s not). But “after doing even more research” he found something “guaranteed to flip some shit.”
Okay then Bores, what is this big shocking secret? This big reveal that you’ve been poorly building up because you’re an incompetent filmmaker. Go ahead Bores, flip my shit.

6:37 - 7:11: IG starts talking about Doki Doki Panic (which came out “years earlier”… yeah he fails math too because DDP came out 1987 and SMB2 came out 1988). He notes how the intro doesn’t look familiar but when we get to the actual game we’ll be “amazed.”
He starts playing and let’s out a very forced “HOLY SHIT!” and starts whining that everything was stolen.

*slams head against desk* Here’s a big detail that A LOT of people tend to forget about this subject. Nintendo made BOTH GAMES! Nintendo did not steal from anyone, why would they steal from themselves?
Yume Kojo: Doki Doki Panic (translated to Dream Factory: Heart-Pounding Panic) was a tie-in game made for Fuji TV’s event Dream Factory ‘87, the main characters are all the event’s mascots. Miyamoto had a lot more involvement in this game then he did SMB2j.
Chris Bores claimed to have done research, what he did was go to some site like Cracked and read a list of “Big Gaming Mysteries” or something and got all the details there.

7:12 - 7:38: Now all he’s doing is whining how SMB2 “stole” everything.
Listen dumbass, everyone knows this. This isn’t a big shocking secret. You’re a moron, and anyone that enjoys your videos is dumber than you are!
He also points out the DDP counterparts and even screws that up. He claims Papa is Mario and Imajin is Toad, when Imajin is Mario and Papa is Toad.

7:38 - 7:52: “But I will give them the benefit of the doubt” Oh how nice of you.
Here he mentions how they “changed a few things from the original” but the way he exposits this entire scene makes it sound like DDP was the copy and SMB2 was the original. Again, do you look over what you write?

7:52 - 8:08: He continues whining that these games should have nothing in common (shut up) and delivers another line of absolute idiocy.
“It’s unclear as to why they copied it, but some speculated that it was too much like the first game.” Yeah you didn’t do research at all you pig-headed liar. Nintendo themselves have confirmed that they didn’t release The Lost Levels for two big reasons. One, it was way too hard and two it was too much like the first game. That’s not speculation, that’s fact.
Also, for a piss-poor gamer that seems to despise difficulty, he really ignored The Lost Levels claim to fame as a ridiculously hard game. I’ve seen ROM hacks that were easier.
And before I forget THEY DIDN’T COPY ANYTHING!

“Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I’d go berserk? Well, you left me anyhow and the days got worse and worse and now you see I’ve gone completely out of my mind. And they’re coming to take me away ha ha. They’re coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I’ll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats and their coming to take me away ha ha!”

*wakes up* Oh fuck what happened? Better get this recap done.

8:08 - 8:15: We cut to Bores using a split-screen effect so he can sit next to his clone. His response to the last remark about SMB2j being too similar? “I guess that’s understandable since having two of the same thing can get stale and repetitive.” “Yep, stale and repetitive.”
You hear that sound? That’s the loud thud of irony.

8:15 - 8:52: Now we come to another unbelievably retarded part of this video (and that’s saying a lot). Bores starts “reviewing” Super Mario Advance, the GBA remake of Super Mario Bros. 2. Apparently better graphics, updated sprites, and hearts that you don’t have to kill enemies to get automatically makes this a better game.
I should mention there are very few differences between the original SMB2 and the GBA version. Bores just outright admitted he’s a graphics whore, and that’s one of the worst things a gamer can be (along with “biased fanboy” and “ear raping online player”).

All that’s left of this shit is the ending, and like the rest of the video it’s incomprehensibly bad.
Bores goes on about having a newer version allows him to destroy the original (I know but it’s almost over) when the Clone Bores reveals his true intentions.
Ladies & Gentlemen, introducing the third character in the Irate Gamers’ cliché repertoire of bullshit: The Evil Gamer. I’m not kidding, his idea of a character is an evil twin. This concept RARELY works, because it’s so overused that it’s become a joke. Again, Bores shows how much of an inept writer he truly is.

So Evil Gamer (I’ll think of a better name when he reappears) points a Zapper at Bores threatening to kill him and take over the show? Why? Because his reviews suck. Hey I actually like this character.
However Bores won’t take this and he announces it’s time for some… flower power (oh jeez). He picks up a normal bouquet of BLUE flowers (while staring the camera) somehow giving him the fireball powers from Mario. He shoots one at Evil Gamer (who is so surprised by this turn of events that the zapper he was holding disappears) and kills him. Remember this because something extra stupid will reference this event in a future recap.

We then transition through stock dirt photos (and random footage of Dig Dug for no reason) as we see Evil Gamer ends up in Hell. As he figures out where he is Devil Bores comes in declaring him a new minion to torture. Evil Gamer declares his revenge as we zoom into his mouth (where his angry scream sounds more like “Me Hungry!”)

I don’t have to tell you this review sucked! An entire video made around a fact that gamers have known for years, and treated like something from TMZ. Not to mention unfairly bashing a classic game for the sole purpose of views and later on get people to buy his shitty merchandise.
There is another theory I have to why he made this video. The Angry Video Game Nerd hates Castlevania II: Simon’s Quest, noting the Guide Dang It moments, the annoying day-to-night transitions, and the easiest final boss fight ever. Maybe IG thought he could get the same ideal by hating on another sequel that differed from its predecessor. However, The Nerd constantly references back to Simon’s Quest when talking about even worse games. Bores has very rarely acknowledged any of the games he’s reviewed in the past, like he doesn’t even remember playing them.

Man, this was my longest recap yet, and right now I need a break. That video was draining and I’ll work on the next Redux Recap when I get my strength back. The next video was also a wretched one, but not on the scale of SMB2. Until next time.

49 comments:

  1. Daniel, you've mentioned a few times about how Bores is supposedly a fan of "Captain N The Game Master", and that he supposedly got most of his gaming knowledge from that show.

    One thing's for sure: I don't think he'd like "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show", though, because that show relied heavily on SMB2USA, more than SMB1.

    Side note: I actually like the DiC Nintendo cartoons, and I don't think even Bores himself is worthy of those shows.

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  2. So, what exactly is the point of this blog, besides giving IG more publicity that he doesn't deserve?

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  3. This video was definitely IG's attempt at a "Simon's Quest" review. The difference is that he picked all the wrong points to classify SMB2 as a shitty game. The reasons he gave just don't hold up. From the 5 games he showed on screen, Yoshi's Island was by far the worst (if basing it on the reasons he hated SMB2). Here's my take on AVGN's Simon's Quest review and IG's SMB2 review.

    First off, AVGN acknowledges that the game being different isn't what makes it bad, but rather certain elements in the game. He even mentions SMB2 as being different, yet good. Growing up playing Castlevania 1-3 on the NES, and remembering the Castlevania II experience, he made some very valid points that I mostly couldn't disagree with, such as the invisible blocks (requiring you to throw holy water at all times), and the absence of lots of bosses. Everything he said about Dracula was also spot on. His castle sucks and it didn't feel like we were fighting Dracula. I didn't agree with him on water deaths though, falling in water and dying is pretty much a given in most games. Hearts being money is also dumb, but I don't mind killing lots of enemies to get them, after fighting hoards of enemies in RPGs to level up and buy spells or weapons. He gave other, very valid points on things that sucked about the game.

    Now back to IG, he obviously wanted a video that would "flip our shit". I think the whole backstory to SMB2 was too much for him to pass up. But he's telling us stuff we've known for years. Whats next, a Final Fantasy explanation of why they weren't numbered correctly, as if we didn't know this for years. He goes on to show us the covers, but how does SMB2 stick out like a sore thumb? Looks pretty normal to me. And the stuff Bores mentions that make the game crappy aren't reasons to hate the game. It had a different story, but at the time, it was ok, it looked better than SMB and we didn't care. Bowsers absence wasn't shocking either, because last we saw him, he fell in a fiery pit. We couldn't stomp on enemies, but the POW's reminded us of the original Mario Bros. Thing's were different but not enough to make us hate the game.

    You've pretty much covered and disputed everything he says and there's no reason to go over it again. We all know it was a great game and at the time and to this day, but obviously Mr. Bores didn't know any of this because eBay wasn't around and he didn't have a vast Nintendo Power collection, nor an NES for that matter. For a guy who prefers forgiving games, he should be happy he got Doki Doki Panic and not the real SMB2. In his Contra III review (were he promply puts it on easy), he criticizes the recycled final bosses from Contra and Super C, saying they ran out of ideas. Well then quit bitching about Wart, you got something new! This video just pisses me off.

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  4. "Youtube Proles", that's a good one, personally though I refer to them as "The Unwashed Youtube Masses".

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  5. When he talked about the advance remake of the game, he said it finally felt like a real smb game. The hipocrasy is astounding, considering he says that the game doesn't play like a regular and there for isn't a regular smb game, but the remake, with identical gameplay, somehow is a real smb game.

    Anyways, nice recap, pointed out the amazing stupidity of the video.

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  6. - Super Mario Bros: He said the game is popular, and that's it. I don't think Super Mario Bros needs to be reviewed, but still.

    - Super Mario Bros 2: He didn't talk about the mushrooms you can find in Sub-Space with the magic potions. He didn't talk about the Bonus Chance game at the end of each level. He didn't talk about the warp zones. He didn't talk about the other bosses like Mouser. He didn't even talk about the POW blocks, the bombs, the vegetables and the other items you can throw at the enemies.

    - Super Mario All-Stars: He said the game has improved music and graphics, and that's it. He didn't mention anything about the save feature.

    - Super Mario Bros Lost Levels: He said that it's like the first game, and that's it. He didn't say anything about the difficulty or the poison mushrooms. He didn't even say that Luigi has different moves in this game.

    - Doki Doki Panic: He didn't point out that you must play all the way through with the same character, that you can't run, or that you don't shrink to half your size. Who cares about the waterfalls?

    - Super Mario Advance: He said it's easier to find hearts, but doesn't explain why. He didn't talk about the remake of the original Mario Bros, the Yoshi Challenge, or any of the changes that actually MAKE the game closer to Super Mario Bros (like the multiple hit combo he does to get a heart)

    "Over 5 games will be reviewed for this Epic installment" ... Yeah, whatever.

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  7. First off I love "there coming to take me away" haha thats a funny song, second, I may only be 16, but when I first found mario 2 online, I got curious,looked up the game, found an emulator, noticed a difference, but did i care, NO! why, because the games a blast!

    Honestly, what the fuck was bores thining?! Maybe he saw 360 wh-oops! I mean stuttering craig place the game on the top ten worst mario games list, (God damn you craig) and thought, "hey! I guess I can bash one of the most beloved games on the nes because I have a fanbase of mother-fucking, stupid, ignorant 10 retards who aint never heard of a god damn nes or n64 or genesis and spend time playing 360 in their basement and- (slaps self) Ok, Im cool.

    Anyway, great redux, (Oh ya and I HATE graphic whores and biased gamers, I dont think people like that are real gamers)

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  8. "So, what exactly is the point of this blog, besides giving IG more publicity that he doesn't deserve?"

    Eh, YouTube is already giving the Irate "Gamer" Partnership status and puts all his videos on the front page no matter what, so I think you'd have to take that question with YouTube. This blog is simply here to massacre the IG videos from head to toe.

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  9. @ Darthgamer
    Glad I'm not the only one that can see Stuttering Craig is an idiot.

    @ anthony040
    Exactly, YouTube already promotes him to death. A blog pointing out why everything he knows is wrong won't change that.
    It would be like making a blog about why Shane Dawson sucks, you don't give him publicity because YouTube already promotes that douche.
    A bad idea would be making a blog about NC17 Productions, he only has a handful of subscribers and can be ignored a lot easier.

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  10. Ah the Super Mario Bros 2 review. The turning point for Bores and his most notable Dethroning Moment of Suck. Two years ago, I watched this video and hated every venomous second of it. And that's 9 minutes I'll never get back.

    The fact that this video torpedoed Bores into Youtube stardom remains one of the most painful wallbangers the site's ever commited. And yeah the new site layout is very lazy. I actually thought something was wrong with my browser when I first saw it. Like the page didn't load fully or something.

    As all have said, this was the point of no return. The most disgusting thing of all? His filtering of comments so everything said by his retarded fans and sock puppet accounts was bright, cheery, supportive and non-offense. The fact he's gone back to doing that childish practice makes it even more painful. He has no issues with criticizing a game for idiotic reasons and twisting the truth, but when others bash him and present facts that debunk his idiocy, he plugs his ears and hides under a blanket.

    Thankfully, outside of youtube, the internet recognizes him for the jack-ass he is. No wikipedia page, a shitty IMDB rating, and his videos are rated more accuratly when uploaded onto other sites. The saddest thing is that this is what the internet will remember him by. A terrible filmaker who used a medium he doesn't understand to make money off an idea that wasn't even his. Unless he discovers the cure for cancer that is.

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  11. If Zelda 2 and Simon's Quest were any indication, I don't think people were expecting sequels to be carbon copies of the original, but kids still had fun with them any way. Remember that Mario 1 had completely different gameplay from the Mario Bros arcade game, but nobody complained about that.

    Another thing about this line "That could be MANly because they packaged each Nintendo system with the game Super Mario Bros."

    Oh, so that's why Mario's popular? I always assumed it was because he was the face of Nintendo and the games were fun. Seriously, any smart person could tell this review would be especially half-assed from his opening line (gotta love the delivery!)

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  12. Yeah, Screwattack putting Mario 2 on the list of the worst Mario games (above Mario Teaches Typing) was pretty shameful. My guess was they didn't have enough terrible Mario games where Mario was a playable character to fill the list, so that's how it made it. It's still more playable than any other game on the list. (For the record, I don't think Mario Clash is terrible, but it loses many points for being on Virtual Boy.)

    Still, despite that slip-up (and many others), Screwattack do have a lot more crediblity than Bores.

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  13. @anon (@ 8:40 AM)

    Plus at least Stuttering Craig said in a video about Irate Gamer "That guy sucks."

    ReplyDelete
  14. Actually, seeing IG review Super Mario World 2: Yoshi's Island would be hilarious.

    "THE GRAPHICS SUCK THEY LOOK LIKE THEY WERE DESIGNED BY A 10-YEAR OLD!"

    "BABY MARIO IS SO FREAKING ANNOYING!" *insert joke about shooting Baby Mario* "I SOMETIMES DIE ON PURPOSE [takes damage while playing seriously] TO SPITE HIM! YEEEEEEEAHHHHH"

    "BUT YOSHI CAN TAKE AS MANY HITS AS HE WANTS! YOSHI IS JESUS!" *superimposes Jesus face on Yoshi*

    "THE BOSS IS CAME-ECK [how do you pronounce Kamek anyways?] WHO RUNS AWAY. WHAT A PUSSY."

    "JUMPING ON ENEMIES HURT YOU. THIS ISN'T A MARIO GAME."

    "THE FINAL BOSS IS BABY BOWSER. I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT A BABY, I WANT TO FIGHT THE REAL THING!"

    etc.

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  15. Zinger314:

    Third Rate Gamer did a parody review of Yoshi's Island. I'd imagine Bores' review would be no different.

    On the subject of Mario 2, at Magfest James Rolfe took part in a Q & A (you can see the video at Cinemassacre), and somebody asked about a game he loves that everybody hates, and he responded with Mario 2. He said the only thing that pissed him off was that America never got the Japanese version until later, but the American version was overall pretty good.

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  16. Also, in regards to Simon's Quest, the Nerd has admitted that he has a love/hate relationship with the game. It's really nostalgic to him and he's noted that the game has strong points (the music, graphics, and atmosphere), but also has a number of flaws. I like Simon's Quest, but his complaints were legit. Requiring Nintendo Power to be at my side takes away from the enjoyment.

    Compare that to Bores' Mario 2 review and none of his complaints are valid. Yes, the controls are slippery and certain characters are better designed for specific parts of the level (but this was corrected in the SNES version by having you switch characters after you died), and he brought up none of that. Bores is a joke.

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  17. I still have this funny felling that he might of got the idea of doing the SMB2 review from watching Something Awful's "Furious Famicome Faggot". I mean both did say "Toad was useless".

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  18. @Kama

    in addition to IMDB and other video hosting sites, has anyone seen Irate Gamer on amazon.com? it's another place we can freely express our disdain for the guy. He's trying to sell his IG DVD and the Haunted Investigators, a ripoff of Ghost Hunters

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  19. @ atebit
    Did you know that Chris reviewed the Haunted Investigator DVDs on Amazon?
    Seriously, he didn't even try to hide it was him.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WZAaL5--YuI
    It's not a hater since the reviews were written before the Irate Gamer appeared on YouTube. He really is that pathetic.

    @ vicviper592
    I'd think that would be a stretch. Though he has stolen from IGSRJ, and he's a parody of angry reviewers. I guess nothing is sacred to him.

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  20. This is the worst thing he has ever done. I mean, SMB2 is a great game, I've played the NES version only on an emulator, but I own the SNES version and I love it.
    The fact that he lines up "all" the SMB games and says that SMB2 sticks out, is stupid. ALL of them are different, dumbass. Of course, most of them share some elements, but they have their own face; traits that none of the other games have. Especially funny is the fact that Yoshi's Adventure shrares some of the enemies with SMB2. Now that is irony.

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  21. I can pretty much sum up this entire 10-minute video in just a 3-minute paragraph with much more accuracy -

    There were three Mario games for the NES released in Japan, but the second of the three was not released elsewhere - instead was a completely different game made by the same company with reskinned Mario graphics. The reason why was that the original game was considered too difficult and too similar to it's predecessor, but eventually it would see a worldwide release in Super Mario All-Stars on the SNES as The Lost Levels.

    Who exactly is his target audience?

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  22. @ Anon (April 5th 8:02 AM)
    *claps* Beautiful.

    That's another problem I noticed in his videos, it takes him 2-3 minutes to explain something that can be done in 30 seconds.
    I remember The Nerd talked about Super Mario Bros 2 in his Chronologically Confused video, I timed the bit and he explained it in 14 seconds.
    The same problem was found in The Goonies II review, it took him over 2 minutes to just say "The first Goonies game was only released in Japan."

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  23. Obviously its filler that he uses for things that could be explained in a few seconds which he also could've used when he did things like review The TMNT games and he didnt even know TIT existed as an arcade game already before it was ported to the SNES and didnt even mention hyperstone heist being TIT esentally. Hell, the nerd mentioned the TIT arcade game and that only took 5 seconds

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  24. I don't buy the notion that the game we got as SMB2 isn't an actual Mario game due to its origins. Whatever it started as at the beginning, what we got at the end is a Mario game - it says so on the damn box! Sure, it didn't play the same as before, but many elements and characters from the reversioned game have since made their way to other Mario games.

    Besides, I think that between the two games to bear the name Super Mario Bros. 2, the US version is the MUCH better game due to its diverse options, gameplay, and variety - an overall step-up from the previous game where you can ONLY GO RIGHT.

    I find it rather amusing that Bores chastises SMB2 for being different from SMB1. By that same logic, SMB1 should suck because it plays nothing like the original Mario Bros... and Yoshi's Island plays nothing like Super Mario World... so that game sucks... or something.

    The issue I have with Bores (and honestly, with a lot of the more popular reviewers) is his videos contain too much filler - time that could have been spent pointing many of the game's failings (or high points) is wasted on either unnecessary exposition, lame jokes, or filler sketches that contribute nothing and tell me nothing about the subject matter.

    Regarding the many comments (anywhere) on Simon's Quest being a game that requires Nintendo Power to beat it, I find that interesting. Apparently, I seem to be in the minority of people who could say that they beat Simon's Quest without the use of Nintendo Power or any strategy guide back in the day - probably because I didn't have access to any of it at the time. Since I knew a couple buddies back in the day who also had the game, we usually helped each other out on various trouble spots we were having in the game. It's not exactly Councillor's Corner, but it's usually the best help we got.

    In fact, the only real published help I ever got prior to the Internet was the Worlds of Power novel based on Simon's Quest... and that was AFTER I had already beat the game. The only thing I got from the book was the tornado trick.

    @Anon April 5th-9:15 AM
    This obsession you have with TITs is rather disturbing. Perhaps you should seek some help to resolve that issue.

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  25. "The issue I have with Bores (and honestly, with a lot of the more popular reviewers) is his videos contain too much filler - time that could have been spent pointing many of the game's failings (or high points) is wasted on either unnecessary exposition, lame jokes, or filler sketches that contribute nothing and tell me nothing about the subject matter."

    I agree. With AVGN it feels pretty much natural, but it really irritates me when Angry Joe, for instance, decides to fill his reviews with lame jokes and skits that shouldn't have been done.

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  26. Wait. Didn't he release a "remastered" version of this piece of shit where he makes an extra rant or something?

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  27. @Anon (April 6th 3:34 PM)
    I believe that was the DVD version (as he advertised in his site).
    I know a channel on DailyMotion has all the DVD episodes so I'll look there later.

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  28. @Anon (April 6th 3:34 PM)
    As I recall, Bores made the first few episodes available for download off his site, but removed them due to "bandwidth issues." One of those was the "remastered" version of the SMB2 episode, so that's probably what you're thinking of.

    @BatDan
    I just checked out the DVD version posted on the Dailymotion channel. There's nothing notably remastered about that version as it's pretty much the same as the original. The "remastered" version not only had an extra rant, but a couple different takes on some scenes.

    This is based entirely on memory though, as I don't have the remastered episodes on hand... they're simply not worth the disk space.

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  29. If only CB stayed in Hell...

    Alas, 'tis not to be.

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  30. @dtm666
    Re: popular reviewers filling their videos with nonsense.

    Hate to break it to you bud, but most of those guys don't set out to give a fair and balanced opinion about games you should or shouldn't play. It's to entertain you while verbally destroying something worthy of mockery. So when someone recommends a game to James or Noah, odds are in favor of them having already made up their mind in terms of its quality and just hoping for some laughs seeing the guy rip it a new asshole. I have a feeling you knew that already though.

    The thing that chafes my ass about Bores is that he seems to think people are actually interested in his opinion. Hence his videos about the movies and including a parental warning in Dante's Inferno. About the only time I've seen one of his competitors give an actual review was in SpoonyOne's vlogs.

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  31. Sorry, I could've been a little clearer in that last paragraph. What I was trying to say was Bores seems to think when he trashes an old game he's actually educating you about it instead of just bashing it for teh lulz.

    I don't have a problem with the idea of these guys snarking off at bad games and movies for laughs. I swing by the Spoony Experiment two or three times a week to see if new content is up. But actual "reviews" acknowledge the good and the bad. Only covering things you know are going to suck so you can make fun of them isn't real reviewing. Like I said, I enjoy watching a really bad movie or game take it in the ass. But it's not a review, it's a list of failings.

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  32. AVGNNostalgiaCriticFanApril 11, 2010 at 3:40 PM

    Nasty. Bores doesn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom.

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  33. @gladrius
    I've got to break this down point for point.

    "Hate to break it to you bud, but most of those guys don't set out to give a fair and balanced opinion about games you should or shouldn't play."

    No shit, really? This is FOX News to me!

    "It's to entertain you while verbally destroying something worthy of mockery."

    Thanks, bud. I had absolutely no idea that these were mere satirical commentaries on crap! You've made me see the light!

    Alright, sarcasm aside, I am WELL AWARE that these guys do these things for comedic and entertainment purposes. When I see an AVGN or NC or Spoony video, I generally don't take these things seriously because I know that what they're looking at is generally bad and I'll get a couple laughs out of it... more so if I'm intimately familiar with the subject matter and can relate to some of the problems. THAT'S FINE.

    The problem is SOME PEOPLE DO take these guys seriously as serious reviewers rather than entertainers. That distinction is often lost on those people who claim that guys like James Rolfe, Noah Antwiler or Doug Walker are great reviewers when, in fact, they are great ENTERTAINERS and I admit they do put out good stuff in that respect.

    "So when someone recommends a game to James or Noah, odds are in favor of them having already made up their mind in terms of its quality and just hoping for some laughs seeing the guy rip it a new asshole."

    Well, yeah. Obviously. I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to recommend a GOOD game to those guys so they could trash it or claim it's been possessed by the devil so that you could pop in an overblown fight between RoboJesus and the devil... oh wait.

    "I have a feeling you knew that already though."

    Hey, you got that one right! Have a cookie.

    "The thing that chafes my ass about Bores is that he seems to think people are actually interested in his opinion..."

    Who's to say that some people don't? Hey, Bores isn't a favorite and may have many haters and mindless fanboys, but there are those who actually like the guy's work for some reason or another and may actually hold the guy's opinion in some regard. Doesn't necessarily justify some of his more controversial acts, but then again, what does?

    "What I was trying to say was Bores seems to think when he trashes an old game he's actually educating you about it instead of just bashing it for teh lulz."

    Which is actually a good thing, because he never gets teh lulz from me... only the mehs.

    "I don't have a problem with the idea of these guys snarking off at bad games and movies for laughs."

    I never said I did. I just have a problem with excessive use of filler, lame jokes, and skits that add nothing to the snark. There generally has to be a balance to make it genuinely entertaining and not distracting. Sometimes, that's the case, and yet sometimes it isn't.

    "But actual 'reviews' acknowledge the good and the bad. Only covering things you know are going to suck so you can make fun of them isn't real reviewing."

    Yeah, tell that to the guys doing that who call themselves "reviewers." And that includes some of the names that were brought up here.

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  34. "Yeah, tell that to the guys doing that who call themselves "reviewers." And that includes some of the names that were brought up here."

    I would, but why bother? They might go off on me but the internet's full of assholes and I'm sure they'd move on to somebody else pretty quick. Besides, I love Spoony and NC's shit. Not AVGN so much.

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  35. You forgot to mention a few things:
    1) The game's story is also on the game itself if you wait a bit on the title screen. Considering Bores' obsession with flashy intros, it is surprising how can he miss that.
    2) I don't know in which part of the video (yes, I saw it...), the Doki Doki Panic title can be seen and the Nintendo/Fuji TV copyright can clearly be seen, which makes the entire "stolen" whine pointless.

    By the way, Shy Guys are also beloved characters of the Mario franchise, specially if you consider how many games they appear. Why only the Bob-ombs?

    Ah, and one more thing. There was a game outside Japan that referred the Princess as Peach before Super Mario 64: Yoshi's Safari. It may be a obscure Super Scope game, but it still counts.

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  36. I said "especially Bob-ombs" in reference to the first world of Super Mario 64 being dedicated to them.
    Yeah, I know Shy Guys also became beloved characters. Just not on the same level as Bob-ombs.

    Thanks for the info. It's not easy to take account everything.

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  37. I HATED THIS REVIEW I HATED IT actually i hate all his reviews BUT THIS ONE I HATED THE MOST!!!!!!!!!

    Anyways how the hell could chris bores be such a douchebag as to slow SMB2 just to make a HORRIBLE toilet joke that wasn't funny. That's pretty much giving an unfair review to the game.

    Chris Bores=Douchebag

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  38. no hay nick libreMay 15, 2010 at 6:02 AM

    The entire review sucked,but still it had two highlights of suckiness:

    -Everybody knows the whole Doki Doki Panic story.It's not a scandal.People don't give a shit about it.Why do you think you're so important for discovering a thing that the whole world knows about.

    -Slowering footage.That was PATHETIC.Not for the "taking a shit" joke,but for lying to your viewers.

    The only thing review remotely funny in this review was the Dig Dug joke in the end.That almost made me smile.

    Ps:For the writter:You should made an article of the most stupid things said by the Irate Gamer.That would be hilarius

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  39. no hay nick libreMay 15, 2010 at 6:03 AM

    Ups,there are some typos in my comment.Sorry

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  40. lol, it's funny how much you hate this guy... Just get on with your life...
    His reviews are funny, grow up.

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  41. Funny? The Irate Gamer?
    Explain this to me. I don't understand how anyone over the age of 13 could find this dickhead funny.

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  42. AVGN/NostalgiaCritic FanJune 3, 2010 at 3:29 PM

    The I-Fake Gamer says that Nintendo stole from Doki Doki Panic (which they didn't since they owned the rights to both games) - but Chris Bores (The Shit Out Of Us) is the last person that should be talking about someone stealing ideas from somewhere else.

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  43. This was definitely better than your first recap of the review, which I'd say was possibly less entertaining than the video itself.

    There is something I should respond to in the comments, though:

    "No wikipedia page"

    What's that prove? Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Series is not only of great quality, it's also had a tremendous influence (heck, Joey Wheeler's original voice actor said that "Brooklyn rage!" is his favorite line that Joey ever said). Yet Wikipedia refuses to even let it be mentioned in the Yu-Gi-Oh page (it not getting its own article I can understand, but not letting it even be mentioned at all?)

    Your other points are fine but "he isn't on Wikipedia" seems a weird way to gauge one's quality or importance.

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  44. If SMB2J had been released in the US instead of the DDP remake, it would have likely killed the Mario franchise at best or caused another video game crash at worst. SMB2J allowed you to save your progress (like the SMAS port); a US port on the NES in 1988 likely wouldn't have had a save feature as battery backup was expensive back then and was reserved for games that absolutely needed it, like Zelda.

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  45. AVGN played Ghostbusters on Xbox 360...IG did a review using his Playstation 3, so that's why the review is different. I guess that's what Irate Gamer thinks. "Yeah my review is way too original, because the AVGN didn't do this on de PS3!!"

    This has been flagged as spam:

    #
    247xGAMER
    4 months ago

    irate games should come out the closet and admit he riped off James.

    I guess IG marked it as spam, that a-hole.

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  46. The thing with James bashing Simon's Quest-he's gone on record saying that was done when he was still discovering his identity as AVGN, and did a more thorough review for his Castlevania tribute month.
    Chris, on the other hand, proved that this was his Moral Event Horizon. Bashing Ninja Turtles II was just the beginning. This video proved one thing: people can call me fat, but one day I will be thin, and Chris will still be the man that panned Super Mario Bros. 2.

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  47. "He compares this to the first game and that it’s “really simple” to find a mushroom in a random block. He says it’s harder in the second game because you have to kill a certain number of enemies for a heart to appear and “doing it this way is just STOO-pid”."

    The way he says that...does he think it's random whether a Mushroom pops out of a block? I wouldn't be surprised if he does. Also, this is utterly idiotic either way. In most of the classic Mario games, you're completely at the designers' mercy when it comes to health. In SMB2, you can easily grind for health whenever you want. In fact, it's not even random how many enemies you need to kill to get a heart. In most games that have health drops from enemies, it's random when one shows up. So you're never at the mercy of either the RNG gods or the designers.

    Ugh, this guy's an idiot. But, then again, we already knew this.

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  48. I don't know why, I don't really think SMB2 was very good. Perhaps it was the repeated boss fights, the utterly terrible design in some of the later stages, and the very odd physics that I just couldn't get a hang of.

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