Redux Recap: I Hope Zombies Eat You Bores.

EDIT: Bores has removed this version (only the remastered version remains). You can watch the original here: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x55z4n_irate-gamer-zombies-ate-my-neighbor_videogames Oh man, I have to do this video now? Might as well get through this, this is the Irate Gamers’ Zombies Ate My Neighbors review. I love this game. Excellent gameplay, creepy soundtrack, great variety of weapons and monsters, and it’s damn fun. That’s the important thing, the game was fun. This also happens to be the first Irate Game review I saw, hated him the moment he said this game sucks. As you can see, it won’t be easy for me to cover this review. Begin. Intro: The “Rate This Video” card has Bores’ head replaced with a pumpkin. Why? It’s a Halloween episode. Wow, something that actually makes sense. 0:02 - 0:46: The video starts without the theme song, huh. Instead we get Devil Bores declaring his plans for world domination because it’s Halloween. Laaaame. But his conquest will have to wait because he has a party to attend to. On cue, the Evil Gamer appears sitting on an invisible force (yeah his green screen cuts out the chair) reading a Nintendo Power (I’m a gamer guys, really!). I love how far they have to stand apart so Bores can do the split-screen effect. Evil Gamer compliments him and then asks if he can return to the world of the living. If this was a realistic portrayal of Satan, then he would have laughed and roasted his ass. Instead, he says “I suppose I could, but just say out of trouble”, with Evil Gamer responding “Fine, but I’m not making any promises!” What a poorly-written line! The Prince of Darkness if giving you life, on the condition that you don’t screw anything up, and then you backhand him in an instant. Is this supposed to emphasize how “evil” he is? If he was truly evil, he would eat babies or club seals, or eat baby seals that he clubbed to death! But no, all he wants to do is “take over the Irate Gamers’ show.” 0:46 - 1:07: Here’s our theme song, and it’s not instrumental Making Christmas. Instead we get some boring techno set to credits ripped straight from the Spider-Man movies. 1:08 - 1:48: We start the video with IG walking in dressed as… a Ghostbuster? I thought you were reviewing Zombies Ate My Neighbors. What’s with this get-up? He tells us there’s a ghost in the building and he’s going to flush him out. So, you saw a ghost in your house so you called yourself to take care of the ghost in your… take a writing course will you? He walks into his room and one dull surprise later sees a zombie. How can we tell it’s a zombie? It’s saying “braaains, braaaains” over and over. How wonderfully trite. Bores remarks that it’s a zombie, and even with this knowledge still tries to take it out with his Proton Pack. Good God this effect is bad. AVGN, Nostalgia Critic and Angry Joe did way better Proton Pack effects than this. Look at his acting as the zombie, what exactly is he doing? Bores fails at getting rid of the zombie and remarks “I think I’m gonna need a bigger gun.” Ow, that hurts. I’ll be right back I need to go remind myself of a good zombie comedy. “Toniiiiight, I’m gonna have mysellllllf a real good time. Cause I feel ali-i-iiiiiiive! And the wooooooorld, turning inside out yeah. Floating around, in ecstasy so don’t stop me now. Don’t stop me- cause I’m having a good time. HAVING A GOOD TIME!” By the way, this entire scene? Big Lipped Alligator Moment. It’s never referenced again in the rest of the video. Sure, he does mention it in the TRAILER for his Resident Evil 5 review, but it wasn’t in the actual video. So again, it’s total BLAM. UPDATE (1/16/11): For a long time I thought the zombie was played by Bores. Turns out it was played by his mother LadyBuggin777. Though it doesn't explain why they're standing so far apart like Evil Bores and Devil Bores at the beginning (shitty split-screen). Oh and guess what, she's not credited anywhere. Yeah, won't even credit his own mother. 1:48 - 1:54: DRAMATIC ZOOM FOR NO REASOOOOOOOOOOOON! How did we transition from that painful “bigger gun” one-liner to the review? Context! Structure! Effort! (Thanks to DLAbaoaqu for bringing this up) 1:55 - 2:09: IG begins talking about the game. He notes that we should look elsewhere for a zombie game because “this one deserves to be chucked into the nearest meat grinder”. Aided by an image with the ZAMN cart going into a meat grinder. There we go, the moment I started to hate the Irate Gamer. Remastered Edition Note: On Halloween 2009, Bores decided to be a lazy bastard and release a remastered version of this review (along with a moronic video about cereal). Unlike the MUSCLE review, there were a lot more noticeable changes. The first came after his meat-grinder comment where he says “Okay, it’s not that bad. But it does contain a few things that could really piss a gamer off.” Probably added this thanks to the mountains of hate mail he got for bashing this game for absolutely retarded reasons. Still doesn’t work moron! 2:10 - 2:21: “The title screen does have a cool horror movie like feel to it” That’s the point. “You’ll be fighting more zombies then you can shake a stick at.” Along with many other enemies. “Zombies, zombies, and more zombies” When he says the last one, a picture of actor Aaron Spelling appears. Ugh. It doesn’t make sense to include Aaron Spelling, Aaron Spelling was dead by the time this video came out. How about Keith Richards, Chuck Berry, someone that’s still alive but looks like a zombie? Remastered Edition Note: Bores added a scream to Spelling’s picture. Why? … I honestly don’t know. 2:22 - 2:31: He also remarks the zombies show up in the craziest places, lists off a few levels and “Barnes & Noble”. Along with a picture of the zombie sprites edited into a stock photo of a bookstore yelling “brains” with one remarking “Ooh Kama Sutra.” Do you even know what that is Chris? These jokes are cheap. What age group is he directing these videos to? 2:31 - 3:03: IG explains the objective of the game. It’s harmless until he brings up that you don’t have to save everyone, prompting a scene where he doesn’t want to save a cheerleader because “every cheerleader (he) asked out in high school rejected (his) ass”. Why am I not surprised? He has her killed and “serves you right, bitch.” By the way, cheerleaders are worth the most points so it’s incredibly stupid to have them killed on purpose. 3:03 - 3:13: He starts talking about the weapons. Following this with a scene where he squirts a cheerleader with his water gun and remarks “Hmm, that doesn’t look right.” Oh wow, a masturbation joke, how hilarious. Remastered Edition Note: Just like the MUSCLE review, Bores felt the need to explain this joke. Originally he said “Hmm, that doesn’t look right” leaving it up to the imagination. In the remastered edition he says “Hmm, way to jack-off on the cheerleader pervert!” ruining any comedic value that joke had. Does Bores honestly think explaining the joke is a good thing? That ruins it! A good comedian doesn’t explain the joke! Sure, there are exceptions (“The hammer is my penis”) but those are also enhanced by having good writing and other funny jokes. Chris Bores fails at everything related to comedy! 3:14 - 3:39: IG tries to figure out how popsicles can be used as a weapon against zombies (it’s a video game, who cares?) and then suggests everyone to try it out. This is quickly followed by a disclaimer from the Umbrella Corporation telling people not to try it. Oh hey, another “I’m a gamer guys, really” moment. I guess Bores is embarrassed to have Jennifer do a voi- waaaaaait that’s just Bores doing a woman’s voice! I checked a FAQ and the popsicles are effective against Jelly Blobs and is the only weapon that’s able to hit every enemy. Still, it’s a video game who cares if it’s realistic? Is it any crazier then killing zombies with a squirt gun? 3:40 - 3:56: He notes how the first few levels are “chuck-full” of zombies. It’s chock-full, not chuck-full. A chuck-full is what happens when I marathon the show Chuck with a stockpile of Subway sandwiches. He starts to list off the other monsters. Anyone wage that he’s going to include a random reference to something that’s obviously not in the game? “Mummies, vampires, Frankensteins…” Frankenstein’s Monster! “… aliens, killer dolls, werewoofs (sic), sandworms, giant babies, Count Chocula…” Yaay I was right! I win nothing. I like how he gets hit after he mentions each monster, he really sucks at this game. Remastered Edition Note: For some reason he altered the Count Chocula part. In the original, it’s just a stock image in the corner of the screen. In the remastered edition, it’s a stock image in the center of the screen. Why? … … … … 3:57 - 4:06: IG starts whining about these other monsters and says “this game is called Zombies Ate My Neighbors, not Monsters Ate My Neighbors.” I facepalmed so hard at this I actually hurt myself. Who cares about the fucking title? Why are you so obsessed with the titles? It doesn’t effect the overall game! The whole game is throwback to 50s horror movies, the 3-D glasses, the disposable soldiers, the classic monsters. Who cares if it’s more than zombies? Either way, you’re complaining about a game having variety. If it was just the zombies, it would be way too easy. Though, that seems to be what you like. Then again, you’d complain about that as well. There’s a difference between being “angry” and being “unpleasable”. Angry is learning a sequel to a game you liked was really bad (Ghoul Patrol, the sequel to ZAMN), unpleasable is the Sonic fanbase. The way you constantly contradict yourself and bitch, you’re more like the “Whiny Gamer” than “Irate Gamer” Oh man, went off on a tangent there. Let’s move on. 4:06 - 5:28: Bores wonders why the game doesn’t have skeletons and… decides to ask one. What? “So joining us live to the Irate Gamer show connected by via satellite…” By via satellite? What you’re saying is “connected by through satellite”. You couldn’t do another take of this? “… Ronnie the Skeleton!” Ladies & Gentlemen, introducing the fifth character in the Irate Gamers’ repertoire of cliché bullshit. Ronnie the Stereotypical Jewish Skeleton. I hate Ronnie, a lot. At first I thought he was “so bad it’s good” but he’s really horrid. He’s overused, he’s not funny, and he’s ANNOYING! Even The Bores realizes this, constantly telling Ronnie to shut up. Yet he still uses him way too much! I get the feeling Bores doesn’t realize Ronnie is an offensive stereotype. Maybe he saw Mort Goldman on Family Guy and thought he could use that. Oh right the video. He introduces Ronnie and asks him to tell us about himself. This results in a LOOOOOONG gag where Ronnie doesn’t stop talking. It stops being funny the instant he starts talking. This isn’t humor, this is padding. This is Christian Slater and Stephen Dorff walking through a cave for 10 minutes, this is… DEEP HURTING! DEEP HURTING! Bores ends this by telling… someone, to shut off the feed. TOO LONG! By the way, check out the decorations The Bores has up for Halloween. A toy castle and a string of orange Christmas Lights. SPOOOOOKY! 5:28 - 5:48: IG starts whining about the Ants, that they’re too difficult and take too many hits to kill. You know, this would be a convincing argument if it wasn’t obvious that he completely sucked at the game. He keeps running into them, and he’s only using his squirt gun. In fact, he’s using all the good weapons on the easy to kill zombies, but saving his squirt gun for the tough to kill enemies. What an idiot. Remastered Edition Note: Bores cut out this part. A user named LuizPrower made a series where he played through the same stage without dying, using only one weapon, and even without using a weapon. Safe to say he got owned. 5:49 - 6:09: He mentions another annoying thing is that you only get 3 lives and passwords every few levels. WOW! It’s like some sort of… video game! Explain more of this voodoo to me Mr. 20 Years. We cut to Bores listing off ways you can get hurt in the game ending on electrocuted causing him to get zapped. Followed by a painfully forced “what the fuck?” What electrocuted him? Never explained! I have a feeling this was one of those moments where he wanted to show off his “masterful special effects”. 6:09 - 6:26: IG starts complaining that in the later stages, it goes from being an action game to a “fustrating quest” for items and passages. All while fighting monsters and making sure the neighbors survive. So in laymen’s terms, he just complained that the game gets harder in the later levels. So… 20 years huh? 6:27 - 7:03: He notes that setting up the game like this “flips (his) shit”. Again, you’re complaining that the game gets harder in later levels! But there’s no time for pointless bitching, we’ve got another unfunny sketch! IG’s phone starts ringing, and wonders why because “this isn’t a call-in show.” Watch Homer the Vigilante recently? Who happens to be on the other end but Ronnie! Yes more padding as this stereotype continues to blabber on! So The Bores ends the joke the same way, by telling… someone, to cut the line. Wait, he’s the one that answered the phone. Why didn’t he just hang up? Bad writing. 7:04 - 7:29: We cut to… what the hell? Bores is fighting the final boss but now he’s Julie instead of Zeke. The quality is also different. That’s right, Bores is so bad at the game that he couldn’t even get to the final boss. He had to take footage from someone else. Look, I know the game is hard but if you… I don’t know this review just hurts. Bores reaches the Credit Level, mentions how instead of “boring credits” we have to save the neighbors again. He contradicts himself saying this level is a stupid cop-out, and blames the developers, “ex-pecially” Mark Hutchinson. What did he do? All he did was help code the game. This isn’t anger, this is whining. 7:30 - 7:39: Then he starts complaining that they don’t tell him if the zombie problem was solved, and “as a gamer, I must know things like this” YOU’RE NOT A GAMER! Why do you care? What is your obsession with endings? Publishers don’t use that as a selling point. “Awesome graphics, great controls, 30 playable characters, and an ending that explains something.” GAAAAAAAAH! So the video ends with IG yelling “Because they did such a shitty job on this game, here’s a special Irate Fuck You to you.” WHAT? No! They didn’t do a shitty job! You’re a wuss, a pussy, a fucking fraud, you know nothing rae;lk5jq23;45l23jqio5lk;2;34 ruasdoklr;jw4;l5kj34;qkl 5j34qkl;j6 … Okay. Okay. I’m cool. I’m cool. IG “destroys” the game by opening his toy ghost trap, creating some lame effects, and throwing the game in. You can see it “explode” implying that it wasn’t sucked in. How does that make sense? The ghost trap is for ghosts, if you wanted to kill this game like a zombie then maybe a shotgun. I have a feeling this was originally a Ghostbusters review, but due to all the heat he received for ripping off the AVGN he quickly scraped this together. In fact, the only time you see the cartridge with Bores is at the end, which he probably filmed last. The phone rings once more, causing Bores to run off because he thinks it’s Ronnie (don’t explain it). Immediately after Bores leaves, the Evil Gamer runs in and declares the show is his. Hmm, I wonder why IG didn’t see his evil twin as he was running out. He exited to the left, and Evil Gamer came in from the left. Here’s some grade-A acting, Evil Gamer tries to sound evil at first but when he announces he’s reviewing a game he reverts back to his normal voice. How very Wiseau. But before he can tell us what game it is, Ronnie calls and Evil Gamer answers it. That’s it. THIS REVIEW IS HORRID! All he did was bitch about the dumbest shit. “Durr, there’s more than zombies, you only get 3 lives, the game is too hard” FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU! Gaaah! So as you can see, it’s clear to why I hated this guy from day one. Any hardcore gamers after this that still liked him, I pity you. You’re the scum of the gaming community, willing to laugh and enjoy anything video game related no matter how unfunny or boring it really is. Supporting hacks like Game Dunce, Silent Rob, and of course Chris Bores. Next time: Not a redux recap. No, instead I’ll be looking over the differences of his DVD.