Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Redux Recap: A Battalion of Yawns

Oh hey, a redux recap. I haven’t done one of these in a while. This recap is about his third Neo review, Battalion Wars 2 for the Wii.

Hang on, where are his earlier videos? Oh right, “Load More”. *once* Still not there *twice* You have to be kidding me *thrice* What the hell? *four times* THERE!
Jeez, YouTube can really make some boneheaded moves.

0:20 - 0:44: The video begins with Bores saying by first impressions he wouldn’t want to pick this game up, and after playing it he still won’t pick it up. Wha?
He outright says he didn’t like it and shows the credit “ending” the review. But since there’s still 3 minutes left on the clock, the video obviously isn’t over.
The camera cuts back to him “winter gaming” and realizing he’ll have to explain why he didn’t like it. Can’t you just say you didn’t like it and end it there? It’ll be just as long as your current Neo videos.

0:45 - 1:04: He said it’s not a bad game, it’s just not appealing to him. Then why are you reviewing it? I don’t like sports games, so you won’t see me reviewing one.
He claims the game is a “strategy fighter”. That’s not a genre! There’s real-time strategy, turn-based strategy, turn-based tactics, and many others. Battalion Wars 2 is a real-time tactics game, similar to Total War, X-COM, or Warhammer.
IG compares the game to Star Wars: Rogue Squadron. What? Rogue Squadron is an action game, there’s very little strategy involved.
He goes on to explain multiple mission objectives and how they involve defending something.

1:05 - 1:26: Chris explains that he doesn’t like these types of games because he’s terrible at them. You’re terrible at all games Chris, how is this one any different? Also, shouldn’t this point come before your line about mission objectives?
“No matter how good you are, you’ll have to be very strategic or else you’ll lose.” No shit Sherlock! Next you’ll be telling me in order to beat Killzone 2 I’ll have to shoot enemies!
He continues complaining about supervising an army and constantly getting demoted, during which he loses again. Damn it, I lost. Can’t you tell how angry that makes me?

1:27 - 1:45: IG says the one thing he did like was the cut scenes, which he found “FANtastic”. Ugh, I hate how he says that word. The enunciation is completely off.
He also remarks that the cut scenes remind him of Lord of the Rings. Armies gathering to fight a large battle? Sounds like your standard fantasy fare, Chris. You know, like The Dark Chap- ahahahahaha!

1:46 - 2:11: He goes on to mention how we take orders from various CO’s, giving special attention to Brigadier Betty as Bores provides us with his “Aw yeah dis is hawt” voice. *shudders* She’s a video game character. Keep it to yourself.

2:12 - 3:04: Bores continues talking about the gameplay. Noting how one annoying thing is the CO’s constantly talking, and how they tell you the most obvious things. Well, maybe if you stopped sucking they would shut up. That’s rather hypocritical considering you say the most obvious things all the time.
Then he edits the footage to make it look like there’s multiple CO’s talking and fails the mission. He proceeds to blame the game. You’ve been complaining for the entire video that you’re not good at these games, it’s not the games’ fault that you suck at it.

Oh yeah and he tries to tell the CO’s to shut up, but it isn’t funny.

The video ends with IG saying strategy games aren’t for everyone, his biggest complaint being a major lack of Betty (I think I need a shower now) and if you don’t like the game you could use it as a coaster… and he puts a glass on it. Hilarious?

This review was just unmemorable and dull. Outside of a few “Admiral Obvious” statements and his disturbing attraction to that character, it’s relatively harmless.

The next Redux Recap will be about IG’s only April Fool’s Day joke, which was less of a joke and more of a shameless plug to another YouTube Partner.

But what about that TMNT Comic Book video? I won’t cover that for two reasons. One: It’s extraordinarily boring! Two: morbidchid did a way better job than I ever could. Check out his video below.



You did a good job morbidchid, even if I can't agree with you on the Nostalgia Critic.

30 comments:

  1. Hilarious?

    Sure, but not the jokes he TRIES to make.

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  3. @starofjustice
    That question was asking "That was a joke right?" in a strange way. I think putting a glass on a game disc was a joke.

    @Shaolin Dave
    Damn, now I'm all fustrated! What a bunch of schlong-omelettes!

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  4. Oh man. I watched Bores' TMNT comic video.

    All I got to say is, thank God for Linkara & He11sing920!

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  5. Thank you BatDan for having my video here!

    It's nice to have you back blogging.

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  6. Actually in Killzone 2 (more leik Killzone POO!) you have to battle against the British Space Nazis.

    *Dresses like the T-800*

    "Alright, time to kill us sum Nahzees!"

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  7. Bores put up a new video with the Batman Arkham City Trailer.

    No, really, he puts up the trailer VERBATIM and spend a minute talking about THE GRAPHICS.

    He gets paid for this.

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  8. @fattoler
    You shoot down Nazis in bi-planes, even though Nazis didn't use bi-planes. Also, Ride of the Valkyries playing over WWII and not Vietnam makes perfect sense... wait.

    I don't know that scene was just bursting with moronic.

    @Zinger314
    I just watched it. Lame video but not worth making a post about since most of it is the trailer.

    The VGAs were mediocre? They were disgusting! So much dudebro ugh.
    "Just look at the visuals" Visuals that were only made for this trailer and if they are in the game they will be in a pre-rendered cutscene.

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  9. Yes Chris, the game will really look that good once it's released.

    Idiot.

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  10. I looked past this video... and quite frankly I'm glad I did. This video to me shows his general incompetance to establish a good character for the Irategamer.

    Angry Video Game Nerd - An expert on video games that has a unimaginable temper problem when it comes to bad games yet is intelligent enough to give a game credit where it's due.

    Armake21 - A hothead with an extensive gaming knowledge and a broad perspective on how games work.

    Nostalgia Critic: A egotistical yet brilliant critic with a near perfect memory of nostalgic stuff.

    Irategamer: An idiotic, perverted, and plagerizing troll who knows little to nothing about games or the concept of gaming and seems to a fetish for characters that don't even exist.

    Oh wait... that's not his character. That's him.

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  11. Dear lord, that overview of TMNT comics was WRETCHED. I get now why you didn't want to look at it, BatDan.

    In all of my time reviewing comic books, I ONCE held the camera and used that for zooming in on a comic. Know when that was? The first flippin' episode! You know, when I first started out and didn't know what I was doing? And even then it was only for one shot.

    Zooming in on comics lying on your floor is not interesting! Scan the fricking comics and pan and zoom across the images, you nitwit! Also: RESEARCH WHAT YOU'RE LYING ABOUT.

    Kudos to morbidchild for breaking down everything wrong with it, indeed.

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  12. Usually when people do a show, or any kind of activity, they improve over the years. They learn some new tricks, new effects, they learn how to write better etc. But IG however hasn't gotten better, no! He somehow manages to get worse with every frigging episode!

    I don't get it! I mean yes, I know he doesn't care about it, but he could at least make it LOOK like he's trying! He could get better effects, or hell learn how to write better scripts, or write humor.

    Like Linkara here says, he doesn't do research, he doesn't know HOW to do legitimate reviews, or much of anything for that matter.

    P.S Its good to hear from you Linkara I enjoy your reviews.

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  13. I guess most of his movie reviews show that he's not really into comic, since most of the time he said that he never read the comics. I wonder what Linkara might say if he saw Bores's "Watchmen" and "X-Men Origins" movie reviews?

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  14. @Bjarni
    Oh crap I missed your comment. Sorry about that.
    And no problem, I hope you consider making more parodies of his movie reviews (which he hasn't made a lot of this year).

    @Linkara
    The thing that bothers me about his "research" is when he lies about doing it. He claims to have done hours of extensive research for his third History of Video Games video. Not only did he get many basic facts wrong, but most of what he said was taken verbatim from Wikipedia.

    @vicviper592
    Linkara didn't really like the Watchmen movie, but for completely different reasons.

    Bores claims to be an X-Men fan, yet he couldn't see how much a trainwreck Origins was. My guess is that he didn't actually see the movie, similarly to how he didn't see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (calling Skids and Mudflap "hillbillies").

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  15. Don't forget the fact that Bores did "borrow" the Andy Capp's scene from that CNBC documentary. Yet, he still called Al Alcorn, "Al Acorn", even those that documentary correctly said his name right.

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  16. when it comes to movie reviews, all what Bores seems really to do aside from the Obvious Slighty Slowly Zoom in effects, its the fact that MOST DEFINITIVELY he dint really watch those films, he just go on google, IMDB or other websites, take a bunch of production stills or images for the movie, take some quotes from wikipedia, adding his staple zoom-in effects, and wabbling about his predictable words about what he's gonna say about the movie.

    also, Linkara stated in one episode that he dint really is much into comic book movie adaptations, at least for reviewing, the top 15 things he wont Review to be exact.

    into other things....guess what game i just beaten todat and feel acomplished about it :P.

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  17. oh plus, i always tough he made that TMNT video to "cash in" into the AVGN Nintendo Power Episode and maybe the TMNT III Movie Review.

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  18. Those wacky guys at Youtube! When will they learn! :)

    Oh hey, their new preview interface is here. Lets just see what it's like and-OH SWEET ZOMBIE JESUS WHAT IS THIS SHIT?! WHYYYYY?!!!

    ANYWAY

    @Linkara
    "In all of my time reviewing comic books, I ONCE held the camera and used that for zooming in on a comic. Know when that was? The first flippin' episode! You know, when I first started out and didn't know what I was doing? And even then it was only for one shot."

    I honestly thought that was just a kinda symbolic shot to transition from your text reviews into your video reviews.

    Chris Bores ladies and gentlemen! The man who tries to look like a fan of everything and fails at all mediums!

    Also, please tell me he won't try to connect Battalion Wars to the far, far superior Advance Wars. What am I saying? I don't think he could even figure out how to PLAY Advance Wars.

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  19. @The House of CRP
    Technically, Battalion Wars is part of the "Wars" series that extends back to Famicom Wars, Game Boy Wars, and Super Famicom Wars. Western markets first got a taste of it with Advance Wars.
    Considering Nintendo PUBLISHED (not developed) both Advance Wars and Battalion Wars, it's sort-of safe to say they're from the same franchise.

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  20. I think you all are being a little too hard on Bores for finding fictional characters attractive. Honestly, who here *wouldn't* stick it in Tifa Lockhart?

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  21. @Shaolin Dave
    Grrr, you have a point.
    Still, if you're going to do a joke like that, try to make it as over-the-top as possible so it passes perverted and into hilarious.

    Example: Spoony's FFVIII review. He finds Quistis attractive, so he plays porno music over her first appearance, seen holding tissues, and later sings "Quistis Boobies!" to the tune of Ode to Joy.

    With Bores, it comes off as genuine perversion and it's rather unsettling.

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  22. Not to mention that Spoony has a giant distaste for Rikku in FF X and he finds it very disturbing that many of the older fanbase wants to hit that jail bait.

    If Bores did a review of FF X he would keep mentioning on how hot she is. Which we know what hes going to do.

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  23. @Monticrystal
    *shudders* She's 15 in that game!

    Bores already gave a one line review of FFX in his "Top 5 Worst Video Game Movies". He said it was boring.

    Wait, boring?
    There's a lot wrong with FFX. The characters are annoying, the story suffers pacing problems, Blitzball is needlessly complicated, the Ultimate Weapon sidequests can take a rusted spear up the ass, but I wouldn't call FFX boring.

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  24. onto other issues dudes, i dint see any information about AVGN Season 4 DVD regarding if he did updated some episodes.

    It seemed like he needed to Update the Castlevania Part 3 to include a proper mini review of Rondo of Blood, considering it was released FINALLY on North American Virtual Console after that video.

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  25. Thank you very much for this. Right before you quit I asked if this would get its own post instead of getting shoved in with some cereal video.

    Now about the video.

    This is, in my opinion, this is Bores worst video. Its boring, non informative, lying, and has one of those hey look I'm a gamer crap. Why did he not bother to beat the first level? Oh well.

    The TMNT Archie video was good too, thanks for posting it.

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  26. YOU KNOW WHAT?! I kept the silent treatment for too long, and now, I need to get this off my chest.
    BatDan, What's up with you?! Months ago, you clearly said that you were done with making posts about the Irate Lamer and disabled comments on this blog.
    And suddenly, out of nowhere, you start this blog AGAIN!!! And this wasn't the first time either.
    Dude, I hate the Irate Lamer as much as you do, but COME ON! Couldn't you just make up your freaking mind?! Do you wanna stop making this blog, or do you wanna keep making these posts?
    If your return is because of the fanbase, I think maybe, should you have decided to stop blogging here, you could've at least told your fanbase that you couldn't go back on your word.
    You went back on your word, Batdan, and this is confusing me more than it should! This is just stupid!

    ...

    WELCOME BACK, BATMAN, OL' BUDDY!!! :'D
    (gives a huge hug!)

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  27. Because he cooled off since last time, and probably thought it was a little premature to stop?

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