Oh hey, a redux recap. I haven’t done one of these in a while. This recap is about his third Neo review, Battalion Wars 2 for the Wii.
Hang on, where are his earlier videos? Oh right, “Load More”. *once* Still not there *twice* You have to be kidding me *thrice* What the hell? *four times* THERE!
Jeez, YouTube can really make some boneheaded moves.
0:20 - 0:44: The video begins with Bores saying by first impressions he wouldn’t want to pick this game up, and after playing it he still won’t pick it up. Wha?
He outright says he didn’t like it and shows the credit “ending” the review. But since there’s still 3 minutes left on the clock, the video obviously isn’t over.
The camera cuts back to him “winter gaming” and realizing he’ll have to explain why he didn’t like it. Can’t you just say you didn’t like it and end it there? It’ll be just as long as your current Neo videos.
0:45 - 1:04: He said it’s not a bad game, it’s just not appealing to him. Then why are you reviewing it? I don’t like sports games, so you won’t see me reviewing one.
He claims the game is a “strategy fighter”. That’s not a genre! There’s real-time strategy, turn-based strategy, turn-based tactics, and many others. Battalion Wars 2 is a real-time tactics game, similar to Total War, X-COM, or Warhammer.
IG compares the game to Star Wars: Rogue Squadron. What? Rogue Squadron is an action game, there’s very little strategy involved.
He goes on to explain multiple mission objectives and how they involve defending something.
1:05 - 1:26: Chris explains that he doesn’t like these types of games because he’s terrible at them. You’re terrible at all games Chris, how is this one any different? Also, shouldn’t this point come before your line about mission objectives?
“No matter how good you are, you’ll have to be very strategic or else you’ll lose.” No shit Sherlock! Next you’ll be telling me in order to beat Killzone 2 I’ll have to shoot enemies!
He continues complaining about supervising an army and constantly getting demoted, during which he loses again. Damn it, I lost. Can’t you tell how angry that makes me?
1:27 - 1:45: IG says the one thing he did like was the cut scenes, which he found “FANtastic”. Ugh, I hate how he says that word. The enunciation is completely off.
He also remarks that the cut scenes remind him of Lord of the Rings. Armies gathering to fight a large battle? Sounds like your standard fantasy fare, Chris. You know, like The Dark Chap- ahahahahaha!
1:46 - 2:11: He goes on to mention how we take orders from various CO’s, giving special attention to Brigadier Betty as Bores provides us with his “Aw yeah dis is hawt” voice. *shudders* She’s a video game character. Keep it to yourself.
2:12 - 3:04: Bores continues talking about the gameplay. Noting how one annoying thing is the CO’s constantly talking, and how they tell you the most obvious things. Well, maybe if you stopped sucking they would shut up. That’s rather hypocritical considering you say the most obvious things all the time.
Then he edits the footage to make it look like there’s multiple CO’s talking and fails the mission. He proceeds to blame the game. You’ve been complaining for the entire video that you’re not good at these games, it’s not the games’ fault that you suck at it.
Oh yeah and he tries to tell the CO’s to shut up, but it isn’t funny.
The video ends with IG saying strategy games aren’t for everyone, his biggest complaint being a major lack of Betty (I think I need a shower now) and if you don’t like the game you could use it as a coaster… and he puts a glass on it. Hilarious?
This review was just unmemorable and dull. Outside of a few “Admiral Obvious” statements and his disturbing attraction to that character, it’s relatively harmless.
The next Redux Recap will be about IG’s only April Fool’s Day joke, which was less of a joke and more of a shameless plug to another YouTube Partner.
But what about that TMNT Comic Book video? I won’t cover that for two reasons. One: It’s extraordinarily boring! Two: morbidchid did a way better job than I ever could. Check out his video below.
You did a good job morbidchid, even if I can't agree with you on the Nostalgia Critic.