Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The RoboCop Conclusion of Did Something Happen?

The newest Irate Gamer episode has arrived, and it only took three months to get here! This schedule slip is out of hand. It’s one thing to barely get videos out, that’s fine, people have lives and actual excuses. But with Bores he’s just being lazy, and he continues to boast about how great he is despite episodes taking 3-8 months to come out. And considering his track record, this maybe the only other Irate Gamer episode coming out this year. Boy, your fans must looooove your slow-as-hell schedule.

So yeah, RoboCop Part 2. In the title he says he’ll review RoboCop 2 and 3, and he’s still doing his dumb “HD = Brand New Show” idea by calling this Episode 3. The good thing I can say is that this video is much shorter than usual, a little over seven minutes long. Means I don’t have to suffer as much.

0:00 - 0:18: We get a previously on segment that only shows the last scene of the RoboCop video. Robots invading the city? Why should I show that? It’s not like its important to the badly-made plot I’m doing.

0:19 - 1:01: IG starts his “review” of RoboCop 2 for the NES. He explains the game, you need to collect the pieces of “Nuke” littered across the street and shoot the bad guys. While the Nuke part is correct, the goal is to ARREST the suspects not shoot them. He is a police officer, they only use deadly force as a last resort.
He beats the level but fails because he did something wrong, whining that they don’t explain. Once again, this is where instruction manuals would be handy. Or at least look up info on the game.
Also, wouldn’t it be a good idea mention that Nuke is the drug from the second movie? It would probably help to WATCH it before doing the video. Then again, you didn’t care to see the first one so what makes me think you’ll do it here.

1:02 - 1:23: He tries again but since he missed a piece he failed again. “You piece of sheeeit” and he still can’t curse properly. This is followed up by a painfully forced faceplam. At least he didn’t explain what he was doing again.

1:24 - 2:00: “Time to montage this bitch!” Who talks like this?
As he said, we get a padding montage. Full of IG making faces that look like he volunteered for extra-strength laxative testing. Doesn’t Chris realize this isn’t anger? Hello pointless fire effect.

2:01 - 2:55: The montage finally ends with IG being told he didn’t complete the objective and has to go to the firing range, however he doesn’t see the top part, only the part about the firing range. Smooth.
I checked the instruction manual online, the firing range happens if you fail. Sometimes you’ll be forced to start over, sometimes you’ll get a second chance on the range.

He explains how it works, adds sound effects that aren’t actually from the game (quit doing this, it’s not funny) and adds the Hamburgler as one of the targets. Look, a mascot that has absolutely nothing to do with the game I’m playing! LAUGH! Seriously what is your deal with food mascots? The Grimace in Resident Evil 5, the Kool-Aid Man, and now this?

He fails the targeting range and is forced to redo the first stage. We get some terrible acting from IG, followed by a long string of… bleeped cursing? Umm, I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong. You know, it doesn’t really make sense to have uncensored cursing for four years and then do something like this. Are you afraid LadyBuggin is going to faint from all that naughty language? Please, she’s just as bad, if not worse.

2:55 - 3:28: After failing again, he whines about having to start over again and again, has had enough and ends the “review”. *checks Game Genie sites* Nope, no codes for RoboCop 2 on the NES.
We then get a “cartridge destruction” scene that I’m sure is just one of the 50 copies of SMB/Duck Hunt he got off eBay.
“I wonder how ROB the Robot is doing” Cue scene transition!

3:29 - 4:16: We cut to Chromakey-opolis as the HAL-bots are still rampaging. ROB blows up a couple of them, oh lovely these are the “Easy Mode FPS” kind of robots where AI doesn’t matter.
We then cut to more people running, and he’s using the same costumes as last time since I see the guy dressed as the AVGN. Cousin Joey shows up… AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH *slaps self*

I have a question, where are his parents? Do they just let him roam around the streets alone? I doubt they were kidnapped by the robots since Joey is ignorant to the chaos going on around him. Oh for fuck’s sake I’m trying to apply logic to the Irate Gamer again, god this is moronic.
ROB shows up, KILL HIM KILL HIM! Oh I wish, instead ROB kills the HAL-bot. Joey then found it awesome and wants to see it again. Bores, Joey has no fans, I have no idea where you got this idea he has fans, get rid of him!

4:17 - 4:50: Back at IG’s room, he starts his “review” of RoboCop 3. He says this one is the best of the three. Short review, see ya *gets forced back down*
IG complains that it takes at least 3 shots to kill enemies. Okay that’s a fair- but he ruins this point by bringing up how RoboCop is half-man, half-machine and that they should go down in one shot. Psst, being half-machine doesn’t make your bullets stronger. It can increase his accuracy but from the looks of it he’s shooting them in the torso. I imagine these criminals are wearing bulletproof vests since this is the kind of future where crime owns the city. If it took three PUNCHES for RoboCop to take out enemies then it’s worth complaining, but bullets and machine-powered punches are different. WATCH THE MOVIES!

Looking through a guide, you can upgrade your bullets to go faster but it would still take three shots to take down an enemy. Either way, that’s not how bullets work.

4:51 - 5:51: IG brings up a stage with jetpack, and at the end of it you defeat the boss but have to go back through the stage again. Boy, I’d hate to see his reaction to the clock tower in Castlevania III if THIS annoys him. Actually, according to the story your jetpack is empty and that’s why you can’t use it.
He thinks he can use his jetpack back through the level (why yes, he is so blind he can’t see the jetpack is gone) and purposely falls into a hole. Why am I getting Aladdin flashbacks?

He keeps trying to jump over the pit. Say, why don’t you try killing the enemy, slowly edge over to the pit then jump over to get across? He keeps trying, after the third time asking “can this game get any worse?” He falls again and lands in the second game. Har har ha-ugh.

5:52 - 6:03: “Damn robots can’t rely on them for anything.” This quote prompts a random appearance from Megatron. It looks like DatBoiDrew was responsible for that because it actually looks good. His voice though… that sounds nothing like him! He sounds more like Starscream in later series like Transformers Armada or Transformers Animated.
After IG tells Megatron he wasn’t referring to him, he leaves. You know, I remember a Family Guy episode had an appearance from Megatron that was completely random and just as unfunny, but give the FG appearance credit in that they actually got Frank Welker to do the one line. Is it really that hard to find someone to impersonate one of the most popular villains in 80’s animation? By the way, Big Lipped Alligator Moment.

6:04 - 6:18: In the end, he says the game isn’t that bad and brings up how you could even customize RoboCop. “You can pimp out RoboCop” and with that he adds random colors to him. Uhh…
He also wonders if he can add “hydralics” and he makes RoboCop “dance” by making him move up and down to generic techno. Followed by IG saying “look at him go….” in an extremely boring tone. I’d call this the most embarrassing thing to happen to something written by Frank Miller, but I remember All-Star Batman & Robin exists.

6:19 - 6:32: IG wonders why ROB isn’t back yet when OH WOW. Wise Sage hops into the shot like he can’t move his legs. It’s like a badly-animated cartoon that couldn’t bother to show someone walking so they move by static pictures. Did you not notice how unrealistic this is?

Good lord this editing, it cuts in the middle of his sentence. And he’s playing Mario now? Listen to the pause sound effect, can he change game cartridges with his mind now? No, this is something TV shows that know nothing about video games do, they get stock sound effects instead of the realistic ones. Like when a game from the late 90s has the sound effects of Pac-Man for the Atari 2600.

The video ends with ROB in front of Wilson er Wilkins’ fence (LOOK A CALLBACK TO A PREVIOUS EPISODE AM I CLEVER NOW?) when Evil Gamer shows up, angry that he destroyed all his minions. Then why not make more? You have the means and technology. He orders ROB to return to be reprogrammed, instead he fires a laser and kills… err singes him. So it can vaporize robots but it only mildly hurts humans. *picks up phone* Consistency, can you please pick up?

Then there’s a random stinger with Evil Gamer looking at the camera (I guess even they pick up his bad habits) as Not-Wilson appears and… the video ends.

Well that was… extremely forgettable. It wasn’t a really painful video, but it was still bad. While I’m glad the plot didn’t overtake the review portion, he barely talked about the games. The jokes were either bland or made zero sense. Overall though, this episode will be quickly forgotten. It doesn’t help that there was a lack of parody material in it.

That’s all for now, I’m going to take a long walk.

57 comments:

  1. Barely a review to be honest, more like a first level nit-picking thing. Nothing new here, but it's really obvious this time.

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  2. And now we know why his videos take him so long: he needs 3 months per 7 minutes of video!

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  3. Oh. ANOTHER episode. Joy upon joys... but on the upside we get another update here! Keep up the awesome work, Batdan.

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  4. "But with Bores he’s just being lazy, and he continues to boast about how great he is despite episodes taking 3-8 months to come out."

    Agreed. I mean Doug (Nostalgia Critic) and Lewis (Linkara) manage longer videos weekly, plus their side series.

    James even gets at least one episode per month out and still uploaded a good amount even with his movie in the works, but there's really no reason for Chris to take as long considering his videos tend to be on the short side.

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  5. Was this meant to be the closing of a trilogy? If so, didn't it seem anti-climatic? No that I am expecting a lot. It just seems odd that with all the time wasted in the previous two videos building up the weird little story, it just sort of.. ends?

    What do you all think?

    Oh and thanks again, BatDan! Irate Gamer reviews are a necessary evil for your entertaining blog to exist.

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  6. To be honest I don't have much to say about his latest episode. He didn't make as many idiotic complaints as he usually does in his reviews.

    I won't say this is his best review, I still think his Predator review is his best one. But this one is just so forgettable like you said. Really nothing special. I was gonna do a commentary on this video if it was bad, but since I don't have much to say about the video I can't.

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  7. Wow that was painful.

    He's obviously not trying anymore. He either recycles footage from the last episode or he reshot something just to pad out the show. Joey...really?

    At least there wasn't any parts involving Ronnie this time around.

    Maybe my unleasing the vengeful ghost of Frank Lloyd Wroght did something!

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  8. Yeah... this one was just... just. He didn't really do/say much beyond his par for the course stupidity, his "epic" story line seemed even more half-assed than usual, and on the whole it just gives a huge sense of "I made this in one afternoon". I gotta say, with the whole "robot invasion" storyline petering out like it did, I wonder if this whole "Shadow Lord/Overlord" arc is just going to fall into a sort of "monster of the week formula". Except replace "week" with "whenever the hell Bores decides to update".

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  9. I liked it, one of his best reviews yet.

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  10. He couldn't beat the first stage of RoboCop 2?

    I didn't have a manual or game genie to help me the one time I played this game, but I still think I beat the first stage after 2 or 3 tries. Anyone making a review video should have been able to put more effort in than that.

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  11. Watching it for 4 minutes makes my mind to melt. Thanks Dan, for somehow making it easy for me, by reading it, I realize how shallow his review was. Such a disappointment, wait, I'm already disappointed! Ha-Ha!

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  12. @Rodney.

    Sure thing Eric Chahi...

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  13. Something I've been wondering about with Chris for awhile is, just how hard is it to make an angry face anyway?

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  14. Y'know, I'm going to sound crazy for saying this, but I think my biggest issue with this episode was that Bores didn't do enough with his stupid ongoing story. I mean, by this point, we all know that the "review" segment of is show will never be informative or funny, so this "epic" story of his is really all he has going for him, and I have to admit, there is a certain morbid fascination for me when I watch the show, just waiting to see what over the top, incredibly obvious "twist" he'll try throwing at us next. I was hoping that ROB's battle with the robots would have it facing a gigantic photoshop army, tearing through the generically evil hoards with excessive amounts of that same stupid explosion effect, all the while playing incredibly stock battle music. Then, at the end, the Shadow King or whatever would summon some sort of humongous Technodrome knock-off, and Bores would cut away with an overdramatic "To be continued..." slide. Instead, we get ROB shooting two or three of the robots and a terrible joke with Cousin Joey. And as for the ending... I believe our friend The Nostalgia Critic sums it up best:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6KMbHNxSgjM

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  15. @ lordlaharl

    I think the amount of creativity, integrity, effort, and talent we've seen in his reviews is about all we can ever expect from him.

    That is to say, zero.

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  16. the scene were he falls into a hole is worst, he's using the same clip again and again.

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  17. I agree that in this episode Bore's should have stuck to the story. Instead we're expected t believe that he's GOTTA PLAY GAMES OMG!!!1eleven, while his city is being attacked by fat robots in skimasks.

    It can't possibly be called a review if he barely covered the first few levels... between BOTH games. And It can't continue a storyline if he spends 90% of the time sucking at Nintendo.

    Feels like he's lost direction in this one.

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  18. @lordlaharl:

    Bores doesn't have time to copy and paste the robots into a huge army. He gotta make the video!

    And man, is he getting lazy. At least before, you could argue that he was actually interested in telling his weird "storyline", but this? Meh.

    Oh, and you gotta love Youtube comments like this:

    "funniest part is when the controller hits him in the face!!! Not even your NES controller likes you :D! xD"

    Thank you, pirosoffaireyes ^^ !

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  19. At least he was honest when he referred to "video editing". And yeah, I have a feeling that he only passed the first stage of Robocop 2 once or twice. And he totally used the same jump->game over footage for the Robocop 3 "it's not me having no fuel it's them taking the jetpack away and i can't jump over this pit waaaah" scene.

    Also, using the SMB pause sound while playing Robocop 3 would probably be OK for a movie or a series, but not for a friggin' VIDEO GAME REVIEW!

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  20. What constantly gets me is how after what, 4 years now, his reviews are almost the exact same as when he started. I mean the same basic formula. This one was actually not that bad in the sense of him doing stupid things, but on the other hand it is incredibly BORING.

    Plus, it's like pulling teeth listening to him "describe" the game. Explaining exactly every little thing you have to do on screen is NOT a review. "You move to the left, shoot all the enemeies, and then you exit the stage"....you mean like a video game Bores?

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  21. You know, it disappoints me that I don't have much to say, because I really wanted to do a commentary on this episode.

    Usually his videos are so bad that there is a lot to say about the video. But this time, I can't say much.

    This video was just so dull. Most of his episodes can make good commentaries and parody. But this has no commentary or parody material, which really disappoints me.

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  22. On a side note, looks like I will finally stop going to Screwattack.com.

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  23. @ Blaze The Movie Fan

    Sure there's parody material in it. Just look harder. I already have an idea for a parody series that could be the new "Bores n Doors".

    @ ResidentEvil

    Why's that?

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  24. He really did need to focus more on the story in this one. And maybe it's just because of the book I'm thinking I might review next, but he really needs to make more of an effort to make his villains seem like a threat. I mean, a stupid NES peripheral wiped out the Shadowlord's (or whatever the hell he's called) whole robot army? I don't really care for the story bits in Linkara's videos, but when I do watch them he does what he can to make his villains a believable threat. Shadowlord and Evil Gamer aren't entertaining, and if they're not a threat to the "hero" either, well what's the point?

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  25. @Shaolin Dave

    I'm not being totally serious; I said that in response to their latest SideScrollers where they've announced an "Advantage" program for their new site where you can pay $4 a month for what they call "premium" content. From what I understand they will keep all their main stuff free still but with the premium subscription you can watch the videos ad free and get "extra" videos. Since I have a feeling the extras are going to be more videos of eating contests and getting hit in the balls, I think I'll pass.

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  26. @ResidentialEvil So, it's kinda like the sponsorship program on RoosterTeeth, except not as good, and more expensive?

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  27. lol. enjoy your walk, BatDan. You deserve it.

    As always, this video was shit.

    You ever get Third Rate Gamer lines stuck in your head? I was playing New Super Mario Bros the other day and every time I had trouble with a star coin I kept thinking "Some game designer, who's laughing his ass off..."

    Later, I giggled as I fell asleep, thinking of "* sniff. sniff.* What's that sound?"

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  28. I learned that IG's videos in YouTube become sincerely hilarious when you turn on the Transcribe Audio feature and mute the actual audio. Due to Bores being hooked on phonics, we get gems such as:

    - "Flat now suing evans"
    - "Elected trying to Mike Tyson's bitch"
    - "A school of law review the flyer of Japan"
    - "The popcorn allow kids didn't get any worse. Now some but they catch"

    Yeah, I know it just amounts to polishing a turd, but it's something.

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  29. @Crayons
    I should clarify that the "Some game designer who's laughing his ass off..." line came from the AVGN first. The Third Rate Gamer used it to mock IG's plagiarism.

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  30. The Nostalgia Critic's LP has been retsupuraed. In it, they call Chris Bores the worst reviewer on the internet, then later apologize to him for that as a result of the Let's Play. I gotta say Bores finally did something smart by never having tried doing a Let's Play himself.

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  31. @Keith

    Yeah... I really don't see why everyone is beating up on Doug for his Let's Play. It's a lot better than a lot of the LP's I've seen. I mean, maybe I've been watching all the wrong ones, but most of the LP's I've seen were made by boring people with annoying voices and crappy microphones. It sort of reminds me of the time LittleKuriboh tried making a Youtube Poop and a bunch of idiots got mad at him for "riding his fame" or something. I guess there will always be a vocal minority who take junk like this WAY too seriously.

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  32. @Keith

    Chris would probably just steal the footage from someone's Let's Play and just replace the commentary. To be honest though, I would LOVE to see him do an Let's Play on his own. That would be hilarious.

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  33. @Keith

    Also, knowing Bores and how little internet savvy he has, do you think he even knows what a Let's Play is?

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  34. I loved NC's Let's Play. I hope he does more.

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  35. http://blip.tv/slowbeef/retsupurae-vs-the-nostalgia-critic-5535142

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  36. @lordlaharl

    He doesn't even know a good game when he's playing it so I doubt he knows about LPs. You'd think that if he found out he can do the gaming thing without writing, acting, or special effects, he'd just crank out LP videos like a sweatshop to increase his ad revenue.

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  37. @Keith

    ... only for the rate of videos to slow down again after he's made two or three, until he only posts one part of a lets play every six months. But he'll still insist that he's justified in doing so, because they're HIS LPs, so they MUST be TV quality! Also, he'll still try to work in a plot and other characters somehow.

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  38. NC's lets play was pretty poor because he's blind running a game he's not good at, he was uninformative because he didn't know anything about the game and he falls into the hole of swearing everytime something bad happens. Add to that he's getting paid by blip.tv for the video.

    It sounds alot like a Chris bores video, replace lets play with review and blip.tv with youtube and it's quite a good match.

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  39. I'm just wondering Doug knows that getting a high score on "Bart's Nightmares" is kind of another way of beating it? If I remember, the ending seems to be the same when you do get all the pages as getting an A grade through points.

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  40. I imagine Doug chose this game based off childhood experience. He rented it once, couldn't beat it, hated it.

    Either way, I don't see him making another one so no need to worry. It's another failed experiment like Melvin: Brother of the Joker.

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  41. Come to think of it, has Chris really played Castlevania 3?

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  42. I feel both Christian and Bores are starting to use random access humor way too often.

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  43. @Derek

    You sort of have to wonder. Remember back in the Goonies II review, where he seemed totally ignorant of how Castlevania III actually happens prior to I?

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  44. He also seems unaware that the hero of Castlevania III isn't Simon Belmont, it's his ancestor Trevor.

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  45. @BatDan Yeah, I thought the line came from somewhere else, but I was imagining it in his voice :)

    Also, I liked the Melvin sketch. As for LP's, I like LP's a lot, but only when the player is either really experienced or pushes through to the end. Doug just played blind for about 20 mins. I know the weekly, less than half an hour episode format doesn't really call for a full LP, but it just wasn't something I was excited about.

    I watched it anyway. Some parts were funny. But I'm glad he'll be returning to movies.

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  46. I think we should stop calling these HAL bots. I don't know who they are but they sure ain't HAL9000!

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  47. NC's new vid wasn't bad for his first LP. His anger translates so well into video games ^^

    @Edgardo G. Salomon:

    Transcribe Audio? Let's see...

    *opens Bores' latest video*

    "plugged you know what was the whole of this mess / probably out / guilty abt dat"

    Wow, Bores suddenly got funny XD !

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  48. Eh, I wasn't really fond of his NC's Let's Play. Not to say it was bad in the least, but it felt like he was sort of jumping on the Let's Play bandwagon like the other TGWTG members were doing, but even they have some knowledge of what they were doing.

    I mean, I get it if Doug was on a break but still wanted to give something to his fans until he get's back to doing regular videos, and I don't mind at all, but I think the LP could have benefited if Doug wasn't in-character and it was just himself.

    I would watch that, definitely, if it were Doug as Doug, being himself going through the tremors of LP's of bad games (or ones he found annoying, whatever), but trying to be consistently angry was more grating than it was funny, and at the end where he shouted he wasn't gonna do anymore Let's Plays just rendered the episode as filler and a waste of time.

    That came off more negative than I wanted it to sound, but I really don't mind Doug doing new things, but it doesn't always has to be as the Nostalgia Critic.

    Oh, and NC really being worse than IG? Because of a Let's Play? In character? You gotta be shitting.

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  49. @Cody S.

    Yes I guess you could say that. SA went live with their new "don't call it version 5" site yesterday and so far it's been a slow, buggy mess. Not to mention they are obviously trying to become mainstream and to me it's losing a lot of the original charm it once had; not to mention most of the shows they now feature are not so great.

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  50. I've never been huge into LPs and although I was drifting away from Doug's videos, I had to watch his LP when I heard Retsupurae was doing a commentary on it (hitting two birds with one stone) and was curious about what they had to say. The only good thing about Doug's "Let's Play" was that it wasn't a thorough playthrough and I honestly don't want to spend hours watching someone playing a video game from start to finish when I could play the damn game myself.

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  51. I just checked the Irate Gamer's episode guide on his website, and he put in episodes 33-36 HD for the upcoming episodes, and this is what he had to say:

    Episode 33: - Robot War Aftermath -
    We're headed to the Atari!

    Episode 34: Coming Back to the NES!

    Episode 35: Another NES title!

    Episode 36: TBA

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  52. @blueluigi

    I find it amusing that Bores no longer organizes his episodes by year, but rather by "season". Perhaps he hopes that people will forget how rarely he's posted new episodes in the past couple years? Also, he REALLY can't make up his mind as to whether or not his HOV videos are part of his main show, can he?

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  53. oh come on hes not THAT bad, yeah hes pretty bad when you compare, but honestly i never liked him either, but he in a weird way grew on me, hes no James Rolfe or Pat the NES Punk, but i started watching just because of the games he picks to review

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  54. @asddxgrft

    Nah, the games aren't enough to save his show.

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  55. Hahaha, did someone already spot his new T-Shirts? I don't even know what to say.

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  56. What kind of a storyline was that? All that happened was the Evil Gamer tried to take over the world... and R.O.B stops him. The end. The fuck?

    Also, the Irate Gamer isn't even involved in it all other than sending out R.O.B to do the thing that HE should have done. It's like if Batman sent out Alfred to stop the Joker while he just stays home.

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