The newest Irate Gamer episode has arrived, and it only took three months to get here! This schedule slip is out of hand. It’s one thing to barely get videos out, that’s fine, people have lives and actual excuses. But with Bores he’s just being lazy, and he continues to boast about how great he is despite episodes taking 3-8 months to come out. And considering his track record, this maybe the only other Irate Gamer episode coming out this year. Boy, your fans must looooove your slow-as-hell schedule.
So yeah, RoboCop Part 2. In the title he says he’ll review RoboCop 2 and 3, and he’s still doing his dumb “HD = Brand New Show” idea by calling this Episode 3. The good thing I can say is that this video is much shorter than usual, a little over seven minutes long. Means I don’t have to suffer as much.
0:00 - 0:18: We get a previously on segment that only shows the last scene of the RoboCop video. Robots invading the city? Why should I show that? It’s not like its important to the badly-made plot I’m doing.
0:19 - 1:01: IG starts his “review” of RoboCop 2 for the NES. He explains the game, you need to collect the pieces of “Nuke” littered across the street and shoot the bad guys. While the Nuke part is correct, the goal is to ARREST the suspects not shoot them. He is a police officer, they only use deadly force as a last resort.
He beats the level but fails because he did something wrong, whining that they don’t explain. Once again, this is where instruction manuals would be handy. Or at least look up info on the game.
Also, wouldn’t it be a good idea mention that Nuke is the drug from the second movie? It would probably help to WATCH it before doing the video. Then again, you didn’t care to see the first one so what makes me think you’ll do it here.
1:02 - 1:23: He tries again but since he missed a piece he failed again. “You piece of sheeeit” and he still can’t curse properly. This is followed up by a painfully forced faceplam. At least he didn’t explain what he was doing again.
1:24 - 2:00: “Time to montage this bitch!” Who talks like this?
As he said, we get a padding montage. Full of IG making faces that look like he volunteered for extra-strength laxative testing. Doesn’t Chris realize this isn’t anger? Hello pointless fire effect.
2:01 - 2:55: The montage finally ends with IG being told he didn’t complete the objective and has to go to the firing range, however he doesn’t see the top part, only the part about the firing range. Smooth.
I checked the instruction manual online, the firing range happens if you fail. Sometimes you’ll be forced to start over, sometimes you’ll get a second chance on the range.
He explains how it works, adds sound effects that aren’t actually from the game (quit doing this, it’s not funny) and adds the Hamburgler as one of the targets. Look, a mascot that has absolutely nothing to do with the game I’m playing! LAUGH! Seriously what is your deal with food mascots? The Grimace in Resident Evil 5, the Kool-Aid Man, and now this?
He fails the targeting range and is forced to redo the first stage. We get some terrible acting from IG, followed by a long string of… bleeped cursing? Umm, I’m pretty sure you’re doing it wrong. You know, it doesn’t really make sense to have uncensored cursing for four years and then do something like this. Are you afraid LadyBuggin is going to faint from all that naughty language? Please, she’s just as bad, if not worse.
2:55 - 3:28: After failing again, he whines about having to start over again and again, has had enough and ends the “review”. *checks Game Genie sites* Nope, no codes for RoboCop 2 on the NES.
We then get a “cartridge destruction” scene that I’m sure is just one of the 50 copies of SMB/Duck Hunt he got off eBay.
“I wonder how ROB the Robot is doing” Cue scene transition!
3:29 - 4:16: We cut to Chromakey-opolis as the HAL-bots are still rampaging. ROB blows up a couple of them, oh lovely these are the “Easy Mode FPS” kind of robots where AI doesn’t matter.
We then cut to more people running, and he’s using the same costumes as last time since I see the guy dressed as the AVGN. Cousin Joey shows up… AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH *slaps self*
I have a question, where are his parents? Do they just let him roam around the streets alone? I doubt they were kidnapped by the robots since Joey is ignorant to the chaos going on around him. Oh for fuck’s sake I’m trying to apply logic to the Irate Gamer again, god this is moronic.
ROB shows up, KILL HIM KILL HIM! Oh I wish, instead ROB kills the HAL-bot. Joey then found it awesome and wants to see it again. Bores, Joey has no fans, I have no idea where you got this idea he has fans, get rid of him!
4:17 - 4:50: Back at IG’s room, he starts his “review” of RoboCop 3. He says this one is the best of the three. Short review, see ya *gets forced back down*
IG complains that it takes at least 3 shots to kill enemies. Okay that’s a fair- but he ruins this point by bringing up how RoboCop is half-man, half-machine and that they should go down in one shot. Psst, being half-machine doesn’t make your bullets stronger. It can increase his accuracy but from the looks of it he’s shooting them in the torso. I imagine these criminals are wearing bulletproof vests since this is the kind of future where crime owns the city. If it took three PUNCHES for RoboCop to take out enemies then it’s worth complaining, but bullets and machine-powered punches are different. WATCH THE MOVIES!
Looking through a guide, you can upgrade your bullets to go faster but it would still take three shots to take down an enemy. Either way, that’s not how bullets work.
4:51 - 5:51: IG brings up a stage with jetpack, and at the end of it you defeat the boss but have to go back through the stage again. Boy, I’d hate to see his reaction to the clock tower in Castlevania III if THIS annoys him. Actually, according to the story your jetpack is empty and that’s why you can’t use it.
He thinks he can use his jetpack back through the level (why yes, he is so blind he can’t see the jetpack is gone) and purposely falls into a hole. Why am I getting Aladdin flashbacks?
He keeps trying to jump over the pit. Say, why don’t you try killing the enemy, slowly edge over to the pit then jump over to get across? He keeps trying, after the third time asking “can this game get any worse?” He falls again and lands in the second game. Har har ha-ugh.
5:52 - 6:03: “Damn robots can’t rely on them for anything.” This quote prompts a random appearance from Megatron. It looks like DatBoiDrew was responsible for that because it actually looks good. His voice though… that sounds nothing like him! He sounds more like Starscream in later series like Transformers Armada or Transformers Animated.
After IG tells Megatron he wasn’t referring to him, he leaves. You know, I remember a Family Guy episode had an appearance from Megatron that was completely random and just as unfunny, but give the FG appearance credit in that they actually got Frank Welker to do the one line. Is it really that hard to find someone to impersonate one of the most popular villains in 80’s animation? By the way, Big Lipped Alligator Moment.
6:04 - 6:18: In the end, he says the game isn’t that bad and brings up how you could even customize RoboCop. “You can pimp out RoboCop” and with that he adds random colors to him. Uhh…
He also wonders if he can add “hydralics” and he makes RoboCop “dance” by making him move up and down to generic techno. Followed by IG saying “look at him go….” in an extremely boring tone. I’d call this the most embarrassing thing to happen to something written by Frank Miller, but I remember All-Star Batman & Robin exists.
6:19 - 6:32: IG wonders why ROB isn’t back yet when OH WOW. Wise Sage hops into the shot like he can’t move his legs. It’s like a badly-animated cartoon that couldn’t bother to show someone walking so they move by static pictures. Did you not notice how unrealistic this is?
Good lord this editing, it cuts in the middle of his sentence. And he’s playing Mario now? Listen to the pause sound effect, can he change game cartridges with his mind now? No, this is something TV shows that know nothing about video games do, they get stock sound effects instead of the realistic ones. Like when a game from the late 90s has the sound effects of Pac-Man for the Atari 2600.
The video ends with ROB in front of Wilson er Wilkins’ fence (LOOK A CALLBACK TO A PREVIOUS EPISODE AM I CLEVER NOW?) when Evil Gamer shows up, angry that he destroyed all his minions. Then why not make more? You have the means and technology. He orders ROB to return to be reprogrammed, instead he fires a laser and kills… err singes him. So it can vaporize robots but it only mildly hurts humans. *picks up phone* Consistency, can you please pick up?
Then there’s a random stinger with Evil Gamer looking at the camera (I guess even they pick up his bad habits) as Not-Wilson appears and… the video ends.
Well that was… extremely forgettable. It wasn’t a really painful video, but it was still bad. While I’m glad the plot didn’t overtake the review portion, he barely talked about the games. The jokes were either bland or made zero sense. Overall though, this episode will be quickly forgotten. It doesn’t help that there was a lack of parody material in it.
That’s all for now, I’m going to take a long walk.