Sunday, October 30, 2011

Madballs Drive IG Mad But Make Me Roll My Eyes

It’s that time of year again, IG attempting another Halloween special. 2007 gave us Zombies Ate My Neighbors, a horrible video where he bashed an excellent game. 2008 gave us Monster Party, a turning point in IG’s videos where sketches have a higher priority than reviews. 2009 gave us the “premiere” of I Rate the 80s where he talked about Fruity Yummy Mummy, an awful cereal that was discontinued (with Bores showing how little he knows about business). Last year it was Castlevania: Harmony of Despair .

This year, it’s more 80’s crap. He’s going to look at Madballs, toy rubber balls that incorporate gross out humor (because that was popular for some reason). If it’s anything like his Garbage Pail Kids video, I better grab the most potent caffeine I can find.

0:04 - 0:18: IG’s set is all “dark and spooky” like the MK Arcade Kollection video. Seriously what’s with the cauldron?
“Short lived toys that brought on a whole new meaning to sports balls” First line in the video and it’s fucking stupid. Madballs were toys, they weren’t going to be a big sport or anything. They weren’t going to held on the same level as a baseball or a soccer ball, they were just rubber balls with faces.

0:19 - 0:43: “Back in 1985” Will you stop using modern day footage when establishing a year? It’s horribly anachronistic!
He brings up the Garbage Pail Kids and how they were huge hit. Never mind that Wacky Packages came first and in fact were the reason Garbage Pail Kids even existed.
IG holds up a baseball, but turns it around to show it’s one of the Madballs. My question is why did he “react” when he turned it around? He had a straight face while looking at the Madball part, but “shocked” when he turned it around to the blank side.

0:44 - 1:02: He lists off the original series Madballs, ending on Crack Head so he can bring up how its name was changed to Bash Brain due to the slang term for crack users. He also shows a picture of Paris Hilton. Yes, I’m sure she was doing crack at age four. At least show a drug user from the 80s. Like Eddie Van Halen, or Drew Barrymore.

1:03 - 2:02: He brings up how “smart” it was to not make them hard like baseballs. It’s more common sense than smart really. If you’re going to make a collectable in the shape of a ball, don’t make it hard enough to hurt someone and get sued.
Wait wait wait, his set is bright again! What’s the point of using the “Spooky Set” in the opening if you aren’t going to use it again? Consistency is for losers!

IG talks about “fan favorites” bringing up Oculus Orbus and Hornhead. For some reason he pictures of them float next to him. Hornhead speaks… oh God this is going to lead into a painfully unfunny sketch.
Bingo! Slobulus appears and argues that he should be on the promotional material. Screamin Meemie appears for no reason. They argue a bit, IG tells them they’re all gruesome enough to be on promotional material, calls Crack Head ugly, then Crack Head appears and hits him. Screamin Meemie laughs at him. Where’s the humor in this? Where’s the joke? How is this funny?

2:02 - 2:36: IG lists off the second series Madball, ending on Lock Lips. Why? Because it’s one he had as a kid, leading into… oh no he’s doing the JD stare.

A fucking flashback sketch. So *sighs* Little Chris here (dressed as Mario for some reason) bounces a Madball, it hits him in the head, and he starts crying. Could these sketches be anymore stock? Also, “Little Chris” here didn’t take much effort. It’s just Cousin Joey wearing red. He didn’t even bother to make himself look smaller, all he did was sit down.

2:37 - 3:10: IG notes that by the second series they’ve run out of ideas. Cue more annoying sketches!
Hornhead and Lock Lips tell him to explain himself. He says a couple are unoriginal (look in the mirror Chris) and that Snake Bait looks like a clown medusa. This causes Snake Bait to appear, hit him again and for Screamin Meemie to laugh. This will happen once more, god damn Rule of Three.

3:11 - 3:54: He brings up the various tie-in merchandise, lists off a few of them including a comic book from Marvel.
He then gets to the animated cartoon, but says it was only cancelled after one episode. Actually, there were two episodes made. Both released on VHS.
“I can’t recall if this ever aired on TV” It didn’t, they were only released on home video.
He mentions that it must have been horrific to be cancelled after one episode. Like the Chris & Scottie Road Trip? Oh wait, that had 3 episodes. My mistake.
His comment about the show has him get by a Madball and laughed at by Screamin Meemie (and we have Rule of Three, shocker of shockers). IG hits the laughing baseball.

3:55 - 4:39: Madballs were losing steam, so they attempted to release bigger ones (the Super Madballs as they’re called but he doesn’t mention). He mentions they “closed shop” after the toys started failing. Was that vault door necessary? These visual effects are distracting. … That might be his intention, so people won’t pay attention to his acting and bad writing.

He brings up the short-lived revival and how they “didn’t have the same appeal”. So how did they not have the same appeal? Is this your opinion or was this the public opinion? Because you have to take your age into consideration.

4:39 - 4:58: He moves onto the rating. Oh joy, more “nostalgic overload”.
IG says they didn’t have the same appeal as the Ninja Turtles and he rates it “Nostalgic Mediocre”. Whoa, a different rating? Maybe he’s realized that calling everything an “overload” is fucking stupid! … Wait, Nostalgic Mediocre? That’s terrible! You really couldn’t find a better name for your dumb ratings? Also, what is his criteria? What counts as an overload? He never explained how this shit works! Then again, he only called the show “I Rate the 80s” to appeal to the morons that thought his name was spelled “iRate” and not “Irate”, and in the first three episodes he didn’t rate anything at all.

The video ends with more sketches.
The Madballs themselves aren’t pleased with the rating and all gang up on him. Oh hey, I like these guys. They’re beating up Irate Gamer. I like to think of them as all the Super Mario Bros 2, Zombies Ate My Neighbors and Aladdin fans that he unknowingly pissed off. Freaky Fullback delivers one last blow, followed by more laughter from Screamin Meemie (and he’s broken the Rule of Three, bravo Bores you suck at comedy).

He wakes up… oh no no no he can’t be. He’s animated like the A-ha video “Take On Me”, then the song starts playing and one of the wrench guys appears. What? How does this make sense? He gets knocked out and suddenly he’s in a music video? I don’t get it! Is this to set up that his next episode is about MTV? Because I’m sure there’s a ton of better ways to set that up, ways that make some actual sense! It’s like Bores just did this to show “I can do filters now guys! Aren’t I cool?”
Also, how is he planning to release this on DVD if he has music from A-ha? Does Bores have any foresight AT ALL? God damn it this video was stupid.

It’s funny, I still remember when people were telling me that Bores was improving from TMNT Cereal and Micro Machines videos. Then came the He-Man video, and now this video. Yeah, he’s still doing the same bullshit he does normally. Lack of research, zero explanation, horrid HORRID sketches, and just overall idiocy. I’m pretty sure he got that Take On Me idea from Family Guy, they did a very similar scene that came the fuck out of nowhere. Are his little kid fans even going to get that?

And no mention of the video game? You'd think for someone claiming to be a hardcore gamer, he would at least mention the Commodore 64 game. Granted, that would require him to know what a Commodore 64 was.

Well that’s all. Who knows when we’ll see something new from Bores.

Saturday, October 15, 2011

You've Turned Shao Kahn's Throne Into One of Lies!

Huh, turns out he’s still doing IG Neo episodes for GotGame. I still wonder why he removed the site link though. Maybe he figured out he’s not the only person on the site and by linking it, his fans will see the other, sometimes better reviewers there. “NOOO they can’t learn about them! It’s all about me! Me me me!”

Anywho, what’s he looking at this time? Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection. Oh joy, get your helmets on cause the bias steamroller is rolling on down.
Wait, a modern review of a retro game. I’m surprised he didn’t try to make a regular Irate Gamer episode out of this. Then again it probably wouldn’t fit into his dumbass plot.

0:00 - 0:24: That “opening title” thing he does is decked out in jack-o-lanterns and orange, signifying this is Halloween-related. You couldn’t have chosen an actual horror game to review Bores?
There’s Dead Space 2, Limbo, Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D, Splatterhouse, House of the Dead: Overkill, Amnesia: The Dark Descent (oh wait, he doesn’t do PC games), Dead Island, hell Plants vs. Zombies would be more appropriate. I know some of these aren’t too recent but when the hell has that stopped him?

IG’s room is dark with orange lights, he has a pot in front of him. Going by this and his latest contest video, this seems to be his “set” for Halloween.
“After the success of the latest Mortal Kombat game, I decided to go back in time and look at the Mortal Kombat Kollection now offered on the Playstation Network” And Xbox Live Arcade. By the way, the Kollection came out after MK9 did. I know what he means but the lines still sounds off-putting.

0:25 - 0:43: IG starts the game and gets an update notice. “ Gosh dang, I hate these things.” How is this a big deal? Just about every PS3 and 360 game has them when you first boot up a game after the initial launch. Patches are important to improving a game, and that’s what these updates do. They get rid of glitches and other issues. Also, gosh dang? What are you nine?

“After waiting for that damn thing to download” Yes, all 29MB of it. Sure takes foreveeeeeer to download something that big. I think Chris is off his Ritalin if this is a complaint.
“… the start-up screen here allows you to choose between the first three Mortal Kombat arcade versions… of the game” Technically no, you do get MK1 and MK2, but you don’t get Mortal Kombat 3. You get the updated Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. There is a difference.

0:44 - 1:01: IG tells us that “back in the day” (pfft) he liked playing the Sega CD version of MK1 because it was identical to the Arcade version. Hahaha oh wow. Completely forget about the load times Bores? Or graphics that aren’t Arcade perfect? I really doubt he owned a Sega CD as a kid, he’s just pulling more stuff out of his ass.
“Playing the chure Arcade version is the way to go” What does that mean? I’m pretty sure “chure” isn’t a word. *gets note* Oh… apparently he was saying “true”. Would it kill him to enunciate?
He then brings up that he plays the game with his MK Arcade stick. I’m sure GotGame is glad their wasted money is being used, instead of being played for an hour and thrown away.

1:01 - 1:31: “Now this game is pretty much the exact same as the original” That’s not entirely true. There are sound issues and replaced sounds that weren’t in the original.
Blah blah blah nostalgic feeling blah blah blah.
It cuts to IG “Winter Gaming” with the PS3 controller. I thought he was playing with the Arcade stick? Consistency is for losers!
“And then I get my ass kicked? That’s just great…” Haw haw, I mean oh well.
“In case you’re wondering, all the Fatalities are here” *headdesk* Nobody was wondering that! It shouldn’t be a surprise that Arcade ports of Mortal Kombat have all the Fatalities! I’m 100% convinced, Bores doesn’t care for the actual fighting game part of MK, he only cares that there’s blood and gore.

1:32 - 2:00: He goes back to the menu and… gets another update. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He’s really doing this isn’t he? It’s like he couldn’t think of Mortal Kombat jokes, or any realistic jokes so he saw the patch update and thought “This will be my recurring joke, I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense”.
He moves onto Mortal Kombat II, says it’s good and violent, and loses again. Cue the constipated look of anger while staring at the camera! Man, he hasn’t done one of those in a while.

2:01 - 2:16: He heads to the menu and changes the difficulty to Very Easy (HA!). However, he claims that he felt no difference with the adjusted settings. Ahhh there’s the problem, it’s not too hard you just suck.
Well, the computer AI was designed to be cheap in order to suck more quarters out of players. But despite IG’s claim, there are differences in the difficulty. If one is a tiny-bit competent, they will win. Once again going back to him sucking. Man, imagine if Bores picked up an SNK game. It would end him.

2:17 - 2:39: IG brings up the Moves List, or “Cheat-sheet” as he calls it, in the pause menu. Yes, just like every other fighting game you’ve looked at on your show. Not sure how this is a big surprise to you.
He wins a match, performs a Fatality but… *sighs* that update shows up. The Rule of Three has once again been eviscerated, can’t have an IG episode without that happening. THIS ISN’T FUNNY!
“Ah son of a bitch.” His reaction was just as dull as that joke.

IG gets to the “final verdict”
“This one is best suited for old-school fans of Mortal Kombat” TELL ME MOAR!
He then says he got bored after a while. Wait wait wait. I thought he was a fan of Mortal Kombat? He always goes on and on about how great it is, and when he actually reviews the old games he says he was BORED of them? Once again, we have another lie from Bores. They just keep piling on and piling on and it is getting disgusting.
He also claims he was felt jaded because of the new game. That’s not what “jaded “means Chris. It would mean you didn't like the Kollection, and it sounds like you somewhat did.
Video over.

Well that was… lame. As expected he barely went into the games, focusing more on the violence. That update joke was dreadful and really out-of-place. And once again he LIES to us, he never was a fan of Mortal Kombat. He just claimed that to sound “cool” because it’s violent and liking violence means you’re cool or something. I don’t know, it’s just beyond comprehension at this point.
Then again, it's pretty obvious that he isn't a fan since he didn't spell it "Kollection".

In non-IG news, Bores announced that Haunted Investigators is coming back next year. Either this is another lie for more attention, or he's delusional enough to think that people were clamoring for more of that snooze-inducing tripe. Oh boy, can't wait to watch two idiots walk around an abandoned building finding nothing. Maybe one of them will run into a wall and blame the ghosts!

EDIT: Forgot to include the update video!
Here he DOES mention that it's also available on Xbox Live Arcade. Gee, you'd think a detail like that would be worth mentioning outside of an update video.
He says that DatBoiDrew needs help with his new game because he's "a friend of the show". I like how he says "the show" like it's really big and isn't just one guy sitting in a room, or he's unable to say "a friend of mine" for some reason.
And next is a Halloween episode of I Rate the 80s. I really hope it isn't Count Chocula...

Saturday, October 8, 2011

HE-MAN and the Nonsensical Genre Shift (And There's An Atari Game)

Wait wait wait, a new Irate Gamer episode is actually out? And it only took a month? Wow, I’m shocked. Maybe he’s figured out that 6 month long breaks is fucking idiotic and… wait how long is this episode? 5 minutes and 48 seconds?! Oh no, there’s going be zero effort put into this isn’t there? *sighs*

Before I get into the episode, I should bring up that Bores announced his self-indulgent contests will now be a weekly occurrence. I normally don’t do posts about his contests because the videos are only a minute and they’re an obvious trap for him to get subscribers. In the end only his ultra-hardcore white knights win, making it obvious how much of a scam it really is. The items aren’t even worth it. Puke-colored t-shirts and mouse pads?

Onto the video. According to the title he’s covering Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man for the Atari 2600 and Intellivision. Oh so he’s doing a reverse of the Kool-Aid videos from a long while back. Here he did an I Rate the 80s first then an IG episode. I’m still confused if those two are supposed to be “connected”.

0:01 - 0:46: The video opens right away to IG playing his Atari 2600. Apparently he’s playing the NES version Dig Dug on there. Oh great, one second in and he’s making himself look like a TV show that puts stock music over completely different games.
Then there’s a knock on the door. Maybe we’ll finally get Bores n’ Doors material?
On the other side it’s … a sage. No, not Eric Allen, but Bores dressed as another new character. He claims to have traveled many miles to give him a sword.
IG looks at it and sees the words “Sword of Inferno” on- WAIT A MINUTE! We saw both sides of the sword before he grabbed it and there was no writing on the hilt! Great, I can see what kind of awfulness we’re in for.

IG looks back up and finds the sage gone. *looks bored* Oh uh, ooooooooh spooky!
He walks back inside and tells ROB about the sword. Really? Are we really doing another ROB sidekick? At least make him stand out, make him snarky, or secretly plot to kill him, just seeing him sitting there is boring!
“It kind of inspires me to do an old-school game” That’s all you do! Considering Neo is a separate series, all you do here is old-school games. Ugh, not even a minute in. This is going to be awful.

*insert theme “song” here*

0:50 - 1:46: He very briefly explains the game (head to the right and shoot stuff) and says the goal is to keep going right until the timer drops down to zero.
“This shouldn’t take too long” Let me guess, it does take a long time and it will end with IG getting “angry”
*starts playing “waiting” music* Space aliens can telegraph these jokes!
As he’s “playing”, his room gets darker. Oh I see, he’s supposed to be playing into the night even though he obviously used stage effects to make it look darker.
He stops this gag and speeds up the footage to get to Castle Grayskull. It cuts to IG wearing a fake beard. Why do I get the feeling this doesn’t take that long and he’s just reaching for jokes?

1:46 - 3:00: He says the goal is to reach the other side without touching the pillars or getting shot. Cue brief montage of him unable to reach the other side, I’m pretty sure he’s walking into those on purpose.
“Looks like I need help for this one” Too bad the 2600 doesn’t have a Game Genie, oh well!
No, instead this prompts a sketch. IG looks at the sword and decides to try something. He does the He-Man battle cry (only he says Inferno instead of Grayskull) and… changes shirts. Well, it’s a step above no changes at all like the action figure video but really? The best this “transformation” does is give him the same exact shirt but in red?
So, Bores feels the need to spend money on a Kool-Aid Man costume, a Skeletor cloak, a black body suit, a bunch of wigs and beards, overalls that no 31 year old man should EVER be wearing, but he won’t spend a dime on a He-Man costume with fake muscles? They do exist, I’ve checked. This is just Bores being lazy again.

IG looks at ROB, shoots him with his sword and… nothing happens. Huh?
“Alright Battle Bot, let’s try this again” What? Battle Bot? What does that… Oh lord you can’t be serious. He made ROB a parallel to Cringer, and he just turned him into Battle Cat. What is with this ROB love? Turning him good, having him solve the “robot crisis”, making him a sidekick. This feels like Bores trying to be retro again.
Also, when Cringer became Battle Cat, he actually changed! Well, maybe ROB has new abilities?
IG wins the game while the He-Man theme plays. Sooo how is the DVD version going to work? Are you going to have a cover of the song? Hello?
“That was worth wasting my time with, lame *throws controller*” You’re right Chris, this video is lame.
He takes out the cartridge and throws it to ROB who… destroys it with a laser. Nope, no changes at all! You taste the lack of effort.

3:01 - 3:30: He moves onto the same game for the Intellivision. He notes it plays the same except for Skeletor at the bottom “distracting you”. Prompting more “spechul effetz” with Skeletor running across the screen and IG flicking him away. Skeletor screams “I regret nothing!” How is it a video less than 6 minutes long feels padded?

3:30 - 3:58: He reaches the next part where He-Man goes through a field dodging things and reaches Skeletor, has a brief sword fight, and moves on to the same type of stage.
“Well that skeletal pansy-ass!” I can’t tell if he’s excited or angry.
ROB’s eyes glow but IG tells him to stand down.

3:59 - 4:45: IG goes through again and reaches Castle Grayskull, with some added music to make this “suspenseful” or something.
He goes through AGAIN, saying Skeletor is throwing everything at you. Giving us a lame gag of Skeletor throwing farm animals and somehow himself, because Bores thought screaming “I regret nothing” the first time was hilarious, that he should somehow put it in a second time.

He brings up the timer at the bottom, if you run out of time a tornado will appear and take you back to the beginning of the game. It reaches zero and nothing happens, instead of celebrating that he didn’t lose, IG creates a tornado by playing the Warp Whistle song from Super Mario Bros. 3. That’s not how it works! The Warp Whistle takes you forward, not back! Also, what did Bores do to not cause the tornado to appear? Glitch? Editing?

EDIT: Turns out that's the whistle music from Legend of Zelda, only sped-up a little. The whistle music in both games has the same melody, but tiny differences. Thanks to Keith for pointing this out.

4:46 - 5:09: IG beats the game, has had enough and decides to show it “the door”. “Epic” music starts playing as he goes out of his room, throws the game, and it somehow hits Not-Wilson outside. Laaaaaaame!

The video ends in a different location. That sage from earlier walks up to another sage and informs him he delivered the sword. The other sage, an older one with a Santa beard and a hard-to-understand voice (yes, he’s also played by Bores. Not that shocking) is pleased and says that IG and the sword will be enough to stop Shadow Overlord. Are we really doing this? … So yeah, IG is the chosen one! This is getting worse and worse.

The credit title card appears, but then we get a stinger. Ronnie (AGH) shows up, and since IG is an idiot he thinks it’s Skeletor (never mind the different voice and cloak) and prepares to fight him. Then… it ends.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Wow, this video was rushed in soooo many ways. Bores’ “super form” is lazy. He told us NOTHING about the games… again. The short length is a telling sign that he put zero effort into this.
He just seemed to completely forget about the robots from last time. Hell, the jarring transition from robots to sword & sorcery is enough to cause whiplash. Which makes it confusing since his site said this episode would be the “Robot War Aftermath”, nice to see that Bores LIED to us again. We don’t even get a reason for the change! What a joke.

Wait, powerful sages? Oh no, is he trying to bring The Dark Chapters to life?! This… is really REALLY going to suck.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Redux Recap: Stupid Smash Bores Six Million!

You know, I used to hate Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Until I really thought about it and wondered “Why do I hate it?” Until I realized “I gave into the hype”. Years later, the hype has died down, I’m a little more willing to like the game. That’s not to say it has a lot of flaws. Online has major issues, there’s still too many “clones”, the inclusion of Lucas was a huge slap in the face to Earthbound fans, the final smashes sometimes made things unfair, and a few other problems. Still, I feel better about the game now.

But enough about me, here’s IG’s episode on Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Why did he review this game? Easy, it was popular and lavishly praising the game would get him views. And boy did it ever, IG’s video has over six million views, making it the most viewed video on his channel. Either way, it’s still a terrible video.

0:18 - 0:38: “If you enjoyed playing Smash Bros. Mee-lay for the Gamecube…” It’s “May-Lay”, you’re pronouncing it wrong! Second line in the video and we’re in trouble.
He goes on about Brawl being the same but with more stuff, and as he rambles I notice that he’s not very good at this. Playing as Bowser, all he’s doing is holding B (or whatever button it is on the Wii remote) and spitting fire, just waiting for the computer to get him. Not surprising he sucks at Smash Bros.

0:38 - 0:53: “Before I start the review, first things first, let’s talk about the roster of character” Isn’t that technically part of the “review”?
“For the past few months…” Months? Try years! Brawl was officially announced in 2006 and didn’t come out until 2008. Forums were ablaze during that time, especially with people thinking Cloud or Master Chief would be in it thanks to Solid Snake being confirmed. Hell, since the announcement of the fourth Smash Bros there’s been crazy speculation on who will show up.

0:54 - 1:19:“In Smash Bros. Mee-lay” It’s “May-lay”! Ugh…
He brings up all the clones in Melee, while showing the Japanese character select screen. You can tell he just took that off of Google Images.
He cites Mario & Dr. Mario, Link & Young Link, and Pikachu & Pichu as the clones, whining that there’s no variety. Way to ignore all the other clone characters like Captain Falcon & Ganondorf, Fox & Falco, and Marth & Roy. You never played Melee did you?

“This game takes care of that issue” NO IT DOESN’T! If anything it’s worse! Other than a different final smash, Ganondorf is still the same as Captain Falcon, Fox now has TWO clones with Falco and Wolf, Ness now has Lucas, and Young Link has been replaced with Toon Link and is still very similar to Link! It’s so obvious he’s baiting for views, the lack of research is worse than usual.

He mentions how they got rid of “the duplicates” (as in the only 3 he mentioned), then Mewtwo, which he calls “not a big loss”. First off, fuck you. Mewtwo is awesome. Second, Mewtwo is technically still in Brawl, only his abilities transferred to Lucario. Then Roy, who he says was replaced by Ike. When he says his name he shows a picture of Ike from South Park. I know others have done this joke, yet somehow Bores completely failed with it. Lack of comic timing? Poor reaction? It’s up to you.

1:20 - 1:53: He brings up “huge milestones” which to him means the addition of Sonic the Hedgehog. “Nintendo and Sega together? Holy shit! Talk about world’s colliding!” This isn’t the first time it happened. Are you forgetting that one game you talked about? The one you called a piece of shit even though your only issue was that you sucked at the game? That one about the Olympics… ring a bell?
He briefly mentions Snake (kind of obvious he’s never played Metal Gear Solid) and that the two have their own levels.
“Having these two extra characters around is pretty cool” You mean Bowser and ROB? Because that’s what the footage is showing.

IG mentions that he’s glad that Mr. Game & Watch is back because that’s his favorite character. You know why he said that? To make himself sound retro. I bet he doesn’t even know where he comes from. It’s really obvious when he’s faking it.
“I really enjoyed the addition of Kid Icarus…” It’s Pit! His name isn’t Kid Icarus, it’s Pit! Kid Icarus was the game he was in. That would be like calling Marth “Fire Emblem” or Jigglypuff “Pokemon”. It gets worse when you remember that his name is listed below him on the select screen and the announcer says his name! This only enforces my “Captain N” theory, I’ll remind you what that is later in this recap.

1:54 - 2:09: IG was worried that he would have to play with the Wii Remote + Nunchuck combo because it doesn’t work for fighting games. But is grateful when you could take out the Nunchuck and play with the remote on its side. Or you could not be an idiot and use a Gamecube controller, or the Classic controller. Not going to mention that are you?
I love how his Wii Remote is clearly off, he’s just fooling around with it and getting the footage to make it look like he’s “playing”. A practice that will sadly come back in later Neo videos. At least he didn’t call it the “Wii Joystick”

2:10 - 2:32: He says the graphics are “amazing” and sometimes found himself just staring at them. Sounds less like he was appreciating them and more like “ooooh I like shiny”.
IG brings up the stages. “All kinds of crazy places like castles and boats” Castles and boats? Shit man this game is insane right up there in the membrane! … So what games are those stages from? Anything? I don’t need the specific game, I’ll just accept the franchise it’s part of. No?

Then he brings up stages that “bring back that nostalgic feeling” and cites the Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. stages. Once again, Chris is trying to sound retro because he’s an obvious fraud.
Also, I’m noticing something else in the footage. He’s using Pit a lot, and he keeps using the same move again and again. His side-B move (where he spins his blades really fast).

2:33 - 3:02: IG moves onto Subspace Emissary and only says that the cut scenes look cool. Aren’t you going to bring up how the plot is like a bad fanfic?

“So Mario & Kirby are fighting one day with Peach and Zelda watching, when suddenly some big bad guy called the Ancient Minister appears. He blows Mario away with a cannon and traps the princesses in cages, Kirby releases them but Wario turns one of them into a statue. Then Pit finds Mario and they fight the bad guys. Then Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong’s bananas are stolen by the enemies from Mario, then Bowser shows up because he’s evil.” Yeah, kind of like that. I’m fairly sure he did beat it since he has Sonic… of course he could have just stolen that footage from other users.

3:03 - 3:15: “This game is hella fun” What are you Eric Cartman?
“Especially when there’s four people playing” You can tell I’m having fun with this footage of me fighting three computer-controlled opponents.
“There’s really nothing bad I can say about this game” Yes, just ignore a lot of the games’ faults, it’s perfect in every way… for you to get views from the crazy Smash Bros. fanbase.

3:16 - 3:25: IG wishes to see other “Nintendo legends” like Mega Man, Simon Belmont, and Bomberman? No no no NO! Those are not Nintendo characters! Mega Man is owned by Capcom, Simon Belmont and the Castlevania series are owned by Konami, Bomberman is owned by Hudson Soft! Yes they were on the NES but that doesn’t make them “Nintendo characters”. You are a fraud Bores! A fraud!
This also strongly enforces my “Captain N theory”.
Chris didn’t play games as a kid, but he watched Captain N. I imagine he took everything in that show as fact and still believes that to this day. Calling Pit “Kid Icarus”? Done on Captain N. Thinking Mega Man and Simon Belmont are Nintendo characters? I imagine Bores thought that considering they were on the show. Eggplant Wizard appearing out of nowhere in the Tetris video? He was one of the recurring villains on the show, Bores probably thought he was more important than he really is. Hailing Simon Belmont as the only Castlevania hero? Well, that’s just more of his stupidity.
Either way, the blatant mistakes like that and use of odd characters does suggest that Bores only knew about Captain N and other video game cartoons as a child rather than the games themselves.

The video ends with IG telling people to get the game if you have a Wii and this is his first “Irate Pick for the Wii”. Wow that sounds really awkward. And yet he still used it in later videos. Also, here’s the first time Bores has completely forgotten the meaning of the word “irate”.

Wow this was dumb. Overly-lavish praise on a game that really does have faults, all so he can obviously get views. No mentions of actual gameplay mechanics like final smashes or even how characters play. Plus, his attempts at trying to sound retro really fell flat here. It’s not working Bores, and it will never work… on anyone over 13.

Next redux recap, we revisit the one series that Chris really has abandoned, the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. You have been warned.