Redux Recap: Stupid Smash Bores Six Million!

You know, I used to hate Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Until I really thought about it and wondered “Why do I hate it?” Until I realized “I gave into the hype”. Years later, the hype has died down, I’m a little more willing to like the game. That’s not to say it has a lot of flaws. Online has major issues, there’s still too many “clones”, the inclusion of Lucas was a huge slap in the face to Earthbound fans, the final smashes sometimes made things unfair, and a few other problems. Still, I feel better about the game now.

But enough about me, here’s IG’s episode on Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Why did he review this game? Easy, it was popular and lavishly praising the game would get him views. And boy did it ever, IG’s video has over six million views, making it the most viewed video on his channel. Either way, it’s still a terrible video.

0:18 - 0:38: “If you enjoyed playing Smash Bros. Mee-lay for the Gamecube…” It’s “May-Lay”, you’re pronouncing it wrong! Second line in the video and we’re in trouble.

He goes on about Brawl being the same but with more stuff, and as he rambles I notice that he’s not very good at this. Playing as Bowser, all he’s doing is holding B (or whatever button it is on the Wii remote) and spitting fire, just waiting for the computer to get him. Not surprising he sucks at Smash Bros.

0:38 - 0:53: “Before I start the review, first things first, let’s talk about the roster of character” Isn’t that technically part of the “review”?

“For the past few months…” Months? Try years! Brawl was officially announced in 2006 and didn’t come out until 2008. Forums were ablaze during that time, especially with people thinking Cloud or Master Chief would be in it thanks to Solid Snake being confirmed. Hell, since the announcement of the fourth Smash Bros there’s been crazy speculation on who will show up.

0:54 - 1:19:“In Smash Bros. Mee-lay” It’s “May-lay”! Ugh…

He brings up all the clones in Melee, while showing the Japanese character select screen. You can tell he just took that off of Google Images.

He cites Mario & Dr. Mario, Link & Young Link, and Pikachu & Pichu as the clones, whining that there’s no variety. Way to ignore all the other clone characters like Captain Falcon & Ganondorf, Fox & Falco, and Marth & Roy. You never played Melee did you?

“This game takes care of that issue” NO IT DOESN’T! If anything it’s worse! Other than a different final smash, Ganondorf is still the same as Captain Falcon, Fox now has TWO clones with Falco and Wolf, Ness now has Lucas, and Young Link has been replaced with Toon Link and is still very similar to Link! It’s so obvious he’s baiting for views, the lack of research is worse than usual.

He mentions how they got rid of “the duplicates” (as in the only 3 he mentioned), then Mewtwo, which he calls “not a big loss”. First off, fuck you. Mewtwo is awesome. Second, Mewtwo is technically still in Brawl, only his abilities transferred to Lucario. Then Roy, who he says was replaced by Ike. When he says his name he shows a picture of Ike from South Park. I know others have done this joke, yet somehow Bores completely failed with it. Lack of comic timing? Poor reaction? It’s up to you.

1:20 - 1:53: He brings up “huge milestones” which to him means the addition of Sonic the Hedgehog. “Nintendo and Sega together? Holy shit! Talk about world’s colliding!” This isn’t the first time it happened. Are you forgetting that one game you talked about? The one you called a piece of shit even though your only issue was that you sucked at the game? That one about the Olympics… ring a bell?

He briefly mentions Snake (kind of obvious he’s never played Metal Gear Solid) and that the two have their own levels.

“Having these two extra characters around is pretty cool” You mean Bowser and ROB? Because that’s what the footage is showing.

IG mentions that he’s glad that Mr. Game & Watch is back because that’s his favorite character. You know why he said that? To make himself sound retro. I bet he doesn’t even know where he comes from. It’s really obvious when he’s faking it.

“I really enjoyed the addition of Kid Icarus…” It’s Pit! His name isn’t Kid Icarus, it’s Pit! Kid Icarus was the game he was in. That would be like calling Marth “Fire Emblem” or Jigglypuff “Pokemon”. It gets worse when you remember that his name is listed below him on the select screen and the announcer says his name! This only enforces my “Captain N” theory, I’ll remind you what that is later in this recap.

1:54 - 2:09: IG was worried that he would have to play with the Wii Remote + Nunchuck combo because it doesn’t work for fighting games. But is grateful when you could take out the Nunchuck and play with the remote on its side. Or you could not be an idiot and use a Gamecube controller, or the Classic controller. Not going to mention that are you?

I love how his Wii Remote is clearly off, he’s just fooling around with it and getting the footage to make it look like he’s “playing”. A practice that will sadly come back in later Neo videos. At least he didn’t call it the “Wii Joystick”

2:10 - 2:32: He says the graphics are “amazing” and sometimes found himself just staring at them. Sounds less like he was appreciating them and more like “ooooh I like shiny”.

IG brings up the stages. “All kinds of crazy places like castles and boats” Castles and boats? Shit man this game is insane right up there in the membrane! … So what games are those stages from? Anything? I don’t need the specific game, I’ll just accept the franchise it’s part of. No?

Then he brings up stages that “bring back that nostalgic feeling” and cites the Donkey Kong and Mario Bros. stages. Once again, Chris is trying to sound retro because he’s an obvious fraud.

Also, I’m noticing something else in the footage. He’s using Pit a lot, and he keeps using the same move again and again. His side-B move (where he spins his blades really fast).

2:33 - 3:02: IG moves onto Subspace Emissary and only says that the cut scenes look cool. Aren’t you going to bring up how the plot is like a bad fanfic?

“So Mario & Kirby are fighting one day with Peach and Zelda watching, when suddenly some big bad guy called the Ancient Minister appears. He blows Mario away with a cannon and traps the princesses in cages, Kirby releases them but Wario turns one of them into a statue. Then Pit finds Mario and they fight the bad guys. Then Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong’s bananas are stolen by the enemies from Mario, then Bowser shows up because he’s evil.” Yeah, kind of like that. I’m fairly sure he did beat it since he has Sonic… of course he could have just stolen that footage from other users.

3:03 - 3:15: “This game is hella fun” What are you Eric Cartman?

“Especially when there’s four people playing” You can tell I’m having fun with this footage of me fighting three computer-controlled opponents.

“There’s really nothing bad I can say about this game” Yes, just ignore a lot of the games’ faults, it’s perfect in every way… for you to get views from the crazy Smash Bros. fanbase.

3:16 - 3:25: IG wishes to see other “Nintendo legends” like Mega Man, Simon Belmont, and Bomberman? No no no NO! Those are not Nintendo characters! Mega Man is owned by Capcom, Simon Belmont and the Castlevania series are owned by Konami, Bomberman is owned by Hudson Soft! Yes they were on the NES but that doesn’t make them “Nintendo characters”. You are a fraud Bores! A fraud!

This also strongly enforces my “Captain N theory”.

Chris didn’t play games as a kid, but he watched Captain N. I imagine he took everything in that show as fact and still believes that to this day. Calling Pit “Kid Icarus”? Done on Captain N. Thinking Mega Man and Simon Belmont are Nintendo characters? I imagine Bores thought that considering they were on the show. Eggplant Wizard appearing out of nowhere in the Tetris video? He was one of the recurring villains on the show, Bores probably thought he was more important than he really is. Hailing Simon Belmont as the only Castlevania hero? Well, that’s just more of his stupidity.

Either way, the blatant mistakes like that and use of odd characters does suggest that Bores only knew about Captain N and other video game cartoons as a child rather than the games themselves.

The video ends with IG telling people to get the game if you have a Wii and this is his first “Irate Pick for the Wii”. Wow that sounds really awkward. And yet he still used it in later videos. Also, here’s the first time Bores has completely forgotten the meaning of the word “irate”.

Wow this was dumb. Overly-lavish praise on a game that really does have faults, all so he can obviously get views. No mentions of actual gameplay mechanics like final smashes or even how characters play. Plus, his attempts at trying to sound retro really fell flat here. It’s not working Bores, and it will never work… on anyone over 13.

Next redux recap, we revisit the one series that Chris really has abandoned, the Chris & Scottie Road Trip. You have been warned.