Saturday, October 8, 2011

HE-MAN and the Nonsensical Genre Shift (And There's An Atari Game)

Wait wait wait, a new Irate Gamer episode is actually out? And it only took a month? Wow, I’m shocked. Maybe he’s figured out that 6 month long breaks is fucking idiotic and… wait how long is this episode? 5 minutes and 48 seconds?! Oh no, there’s going be zero effort put into this isn’t there? *sighs*

Before I get into the episode, I should bring up that Bores announced his self-indulgent contests will now be a weekly occurrence. I normally don’t do posts about his contests because the videos are only a minute and they’re an obvious trap for him to get subscribers. In the end only his ultra-hardcore white knights win, making it obvious how much of a scam it really is. The items aren’t even worth it. Puke-colored t-shirts and mouse pads?

Onto the video. According to the title he’s covering Masters of the Universe: The Power of He-Man for the Atari 2600 and Intellivision. Oh so he’s doing a reverse of the Kool-Aid videos from a long while back. Here he did an I Rate the 80s first then an IG episode. I’m still confused if those two are supposed to be “connected”.

0:01 - 0:46: The video opens right away to IG playing his Atari 2600. Apparently he’s playing the NES version Dig Dug on there. Oh great, one second in and he’s making himself look like a TV show that puts stock music over completely different games.
Then there’s a knock on the door. Maybe we’ll finally get Bores n’ Doors material?
On the other side it’s … a sage. No, not Eric Allen, but Bores dressed as another new character. He claims to have traveled many miles to give him a sword.
IG looks at it and sees the words “Sword of Inferno” on- WAIT A MINUTE! We saw both sides of the sword before he grabbed it and there was no writing on the hilt! Great, I can see what kind of awfulness we’re in for.

IG looks back up and finds the sage gone. *looks bored* Oh uh, ooooooooh spooky!
He walks back inside and tells ROB about the sword. Really? Are we really doing another ROB sidekick? At least make him stand out, make him snarky, or secretly plot to kill him, just seeing him sitting there is boring!
“It kind of inspires me to do an old-school game” That’s all you do! Considering Neo is a separate series, all you do here is old-school games. Ugh, not even a minute in. This is going to be awful.

*insert theme “song” here*

0:50 - 1:46: He very briefly explains the game (head to the right and shoot stuff) and says the goal is to keep going right until the timer drops down to zero.
“This shouldn’t take too long” Let me guess, it does take a long time and it will end with IG getting “angry”
*starts playing “waiting” music* Space aliens can telegraph these jokes!
As he’s “playing”, his room gets darker. Oh I see, he’s supposed to be playing into the night even though he obviously used stage effects to make it look darker.
He stops this gag and speeds up the footage to get to Castle Grayskull. It cuts to IG wearing a fake beard. Why do I get the feeling this doesn’t take that long and he’s just reaching for jokes?

1:46 - 3:00: He says the goal is to reach the other side without touching the pillars or getting shot. Cue brief montage of him unable to reach the other side, I’m pretty sure he’s walking into those on purpose.
“Looks like I need help for this one” Too bad the 2600 doesn’t have a Game Genie, oh well!
No, instead this prompts a sketch. IG looks at the sword and decides to try something. He does the He-Man battle cry (only he says Inferno instead of Grayskull) and… changes shirts. Well, it’s a step above no changes at all like the action figure video but really? The best this “transformation” does is give him the same exact shirt but in red?
So, Bores feels the need to spend money on a Kool-Aid Man costume, a Skeletor cloak, a black body suit, a bunch of wigs and beards, overalls that no 31 year old man should EVER be wearing, but he won’t spend a dime on a He-Man costume with fake muscles? They do exist, I’ve checked. This is just Bores being lazy again.

IG looks at ROB, shoots him with his sword and… nothing happens. Huh?
“Alright Battle Bot, let’s try this again” What? Battle Bot? What does that… Oh lord you can’t be serious. He made ROB a parallel to Cringer, and he just turned him into Battle Cat. What is with this ROB love? Turning him good, having him solve the “robot crisis”, making him a sidekick. This feels like Bores trying to be retro again.
Also, when Cringer became Battle Cat, he actually changed! Well, maybe ROB has new abilities?
IG wins the game while the He-Man theme plays. Sooo how is the DVD version going to work? Are you going to have a cover of the song? Hello?
“That was worth wasting my time with, lame *throws controller*” You’re right Chris, this video is lame.
He takes out the cartridge and throws it to ROB who… destroys it with a laser. Nope, no changes at all! You taste the lack of effort.

3:01 - 3:30: He moves onto the same game for the Intellivision. He notes it plays the same except for Skeletor at the bottom “distracting you”. Prompting more “spechul effetz” with Skeletor running across the screen and IG flicking him away. Skeletor screams “I regret nothing!” How is it a video less than 6 minutes long feels padded?

3:30 - 3:58: He reaches the next part where He-Man goes through a field dodging things and reaches Skeletor, has a brief sword fight, and moves on to the same type of stage.
“Well that skeletal pansy-ass!” I can’t tell if he’s excited or angry.
ROB’s eyes glow but IG tells him to stand down.

3:59 - 4:45: IG goes through again and reaches Castle Grayskull, with some added music to make this “suspenseful” or something.
He goes through AGAIN, saying Skeletor is throwing everything at you. Giving us a lame gag of Skeletor throwing farm animals and somehow himself, because Bores thought screaming “I regret nothing” the first time was hilarious, that he should somehow put it in a second time.

He brings up the timer at the bottom, if you run out of time a tornado will appear and take you back to the beginning of the game. It reaches zero and nothing happens, instead of celebrating that he didn’t lose, IG creates a tornado by playing the Warp Whistle song from Super Mario Bros. 3. That’s not how it works! The Warp Whistle takes you forward, not back! Also, what did Bores do to not cause the tornado to appear? Glitch? Editing?

EDIT: Turns out that's the whistle music from Legend of Zelda, only sped-up a little. The whistle music in both games has the same melody, but tiny differences. Thanks to Keith for pointing this out.

4:46 - 5:09: IG beats the game, has had enough and decides to show it “the door”. “Epic” music starts playing as he goes out of his room, throws the game, and it somehow hits Not-Wilson outside. Laaaaaaame!

The video ends in a different location. That sage from earlier walks up to another sage and informs him he delivered the sword. The other sage, an older one with a Santa beard and a hard-to-understand voice (yes, he’s also played by Bores. Not that shocking) is pleased and says that IG and the sword will be enough to stop Shadow Overlord. Are we really doing this? … So yeah, IG is the chosen one! This is getting worse and worse.

The credit title card appears, but then we get a stinger. Ronnie (AGH) shows up, and since IG is an idiot he thinks it’s Skeletor (never mind the different voice and cloak) and prepares to fight him. Then… it ends.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Wow, this video was rushed in soooo many ways. Bores’ “super form” is lazy. He told us NOTHING about the games… again. The short length is a telling sign that he put zero effort into this.
He just seemed to completely forget about the robots from last time. Hell, the jarring transition from robots to sword & sorcery is enough to cause whiplash. Which makes it confusing since his site said this episode would be the “Robot War Aftermath”, nice to see that Bores LIED to us again. We don’t even get a reason for the change! What a joke.

Wait, powerful sages? Oh no, is he trying to bring The Dark Chapters to life?! This… is really REALLY going to suck.

98 comments:

  1. Oh my god....
    Is he.....
    A MARY SUE?

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  2. A little nit-picky, but while you're technically right about the warp whistle melody being from SMB3, he actually took it from The Legend of Zelda, but sped it up slightly for some obtuse reason.

    LoZ: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMZ3w6mzUlw

    SMB3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v4HCJ1Cedxk

    I, for one, am all for him trying to resurrect The Dark Chapters by via his show. We can finally move on from calling him an AVGN rip-off and start calling him a LOTR rip-off.

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  3. @Derek
    Let's see.
    Never getting injured in a fight. Check.
    Never getting defeated. Check.
    The Chosen One. Check.
    Deus Ex Machina Sword. Check.
    A super form. Check.
    A powerful robot that can decimate an entire army. Check.
    Ohhhh yeah, so many Mary Sue signs.

    @Keith
    Interesting. The melody is the same but there are slight differences.

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  4. So are you ever gonna recap his recent four-game Neo video?

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  5. @Sabertooth
    I did.
    http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2011/08/less-effort-than-the-eye-creatures-its.html

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  6. And Bores still doesn't understand that it really isn't fair to try to compare Atari games to modern ones, and that two second generation console games does not a good review make. But he doesn't have time for stuff like "realistic expectations", because he's Irate!

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  7. Whoa, it was released THAT long ago? Am I going crazy?

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  8. Oh, I mistook the YouTube release for a new video. That makes sense.

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  9. One more thing I just noticed: IG's contest videos are categorized under Nonprofit and Activism. Think about that for just one second.

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  10. @BatDan
    The only time he ever got hit was in his Predator review.
    However, since he's treating the HD episodes as a total reboot, it doesn't count.

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  11. @Derek
    And the time he got hit in the face with a light gun during his Odyssey video. I think that may have been the one time I honestly laughed at one of his videos.

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  12. Be honest. If you were going to take over the world, what's the first thing you'd do? The idea that anyone would make their first priority to get rid of the Irate Gamer isn't that far-fetched.

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  13. My biggest issue with this one: The game looks fun to me. Why destroy it? IG is weird. If I end up playing a game all night it usually means I like it. Plus, the lack of acting skills makes it unclear that IG is irate. So, again, why destroy the game? Does he just destroy every game he plays? Maybe it's because he keeps finding boxes full of the games he reviews.

    "This game takes too long. I don't have time to play the game. I just gotta play the game."

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  14. @Shaolin Dave
    Of course! Now everything makes so much sense! Irate Gamer is the villain protagonist of his own series!

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  15. I watched a youtube video of someone else playing the first game. They got to the castle in under three minutes. Though I suppose for a man who thinks that playing a game for less than an hour is long enough to make a review, three minutes is a pretty long time. Maybe Bores lives in some sort of temporal rift that skews his perception of the passage of time. Or maybe he just has the attention span of a three year old. I'll let you decide.

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  16. @ lordlaharl

    Remember when he slowed down the Mario 2 footage just to make a stupid joke? Same exact shit here - he misrepresented the game so he could make a joke out of the fake beard he had.

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  17. Is it me, or did Bores sound oddly different when he said "hot damn, I made it" right after he finished up that montage with the He-man cartoon theme song playing in the background? I swear to god, he sounded a lot deeper. I wondered at first if he deepened his voice to make himself sound "manly" and "powerful". But since he doesn't sound like that the rest of the video, then I think it might have been a simular audio problem that he had when he reviewed "Goonies II", where there are some parts where he sounded different than usual.

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  18. @blueluigi
    I noticed that too. I think that was intentional, he was trying to sound like He-Man in the cartoon since he had a deeper voice than Prince Adam. But for whatever reason he decided not to do it after that.

    It reminds me of his Back to the Past video where he tried to sound like a teenager for one line, then after that he just used his normal voice.

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  19. @ Keith

    He's ripping off Spoony too when he did the same thing for a FF game when Titus spends a long time pulling items out of a chest. The difference? Spoony's was a legitimate complaint, the game is wasting your time.

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  20. @Isolder74

    And what part of FFX was that?

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  21. @Arthur
    It was this part early on where you're on a boat, and there's this treasure chest you find that contains an infinite supply of potions, but you can only get them one at a time.

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  22. @lordlaharl

    And that part is completely optional, isn't it? If yes, then that wasn't a legit complaint.

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  23. @Isolder74 / lordlaharl / ArthruArneiro

    that gag has exsited long before IG or Spoony, even before the internet. the first time i know of it being used is in classic "looney tunes" cartoons.

    while i wouldn't put it past Bores to rip off Spoony, I don't think that's the case here. I think they both went to the same well for the same cliche.

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  24. One minor part that bothered me in this video was the "door" bit. When he chucked the second game out the door, it traveled to the right side of the screen. In the cutaway to Not Wilson, one would expect the game to come in from the left...

    NOPE!

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  25. Silly batdan. Are you honestly believing he cares about copyrights? If anything, he'll probably ADD more He-Man stuff in the DVD XD !

    And let me get this straight: Bores is using a magical weapon to "power up" his reviewer persona (similar to a beloved kids show) while bein threatened by an evil overlord trying to take over the world... did Linkara's spoof review came out before or after his Vyce arc Oo ?

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  26. I would say after the Vyce arc

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  27. @Arthur
    I think the main points of Spoony's joke were:
    1. What logical reason is there that I can't grab all the potions at once?
    2. A take that at himself as well as others who perform incredibly long, tedious tasks while playing games that they don't even like that much. Sort of like all the trouble he went through getting spells to junction in FFVII.

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  28. @lordlaharl

    1 - If it really is an infinite supply of potions, then I say it'd be kinda hard to grab infinite potions at once. ;D

    2 - It's an RPG, and all RPGs have parts like that. If Spoony can't sit a few minutes to grab the amount of potions he needs, then how does he expect to level grind?

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  29. @Arthur
    I understand what you're saying to an extent, but at the same time I still think Spoony has a point. Sure, the potions example was a bit exaggerated, but that's just the tip of the time-eating iceberg that is Final Fantasy X. With the cloisters of trials, the underwater rugby, the annoying lightning dodging mini game, you seem to spend less time playing the game and more time preparing to play the game. I'm not saying RPG's should have no grinding or sidequests, but I think we gamers need to ask ourselves, at what point should we put our foot down and say "Screw this, this isn't a game anymore, it's just pointless busywork."

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  30. Speaking as a game designer, I agree with Spoony. If a component of your game can be described as "tedious", then you'd better look up "fun" and go back to the drawing board.

    FYI there's a big difference between grinding and opening the same box over and over.

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  31. @Lordlaharl

    I think we can all agree with the lightining dodging, that was ridiculous even for a sidequest, but the cloisters of trials? Your basic "get this and put it there" puzzle. Blitzball? C'mon, it was kinda fun, and the overdrives you get are worth it.

    And most of the things that "waste your time" in that game are, as I said, completely optional.

    @Shaolin Dave

    In what part did I say that opening a chest and grinding are the same? I said that if he can't open a box for a few minutes, he can't level grind, which takes much more time and is a crucial part of all JRPGs. Double standards much?

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  32. @ Arthur Arneiro

    "In what part did I say that opening a chest and grinding are the same?"

    "If Spoony can't sit a few minutes to grab the amount of potions he needs, then how does he expect to level grind?"

    "if he can't open a box for a few minutes, he can't level grind."

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  33. @Shaolin Dave

    I did not say they were the same.

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  34. @Arthur Arneiro

    There wasn't an infinite supply just 30 or thereabouts so griping about why can't I just get the lot all at once is a valid complaint. You open it and it says you found 30 potions. Imagine a Zelda chest with 30 rupies in it forcing you to do the same thing.

    Spoony did it and it was funny Bores does it and it just makes you say huh?

    What was his complaint? The game is repetitive? Welcome to the 2600 buddy. That was that era's bread and butter. Because games had to be simple many of those game don't ever actually have a real ending.

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  35. @ Arthur Arneiro

    So, are you saying "if he can't open a box for a few minutes, he can't level grind", or are you saying "if he can't open a box for a few minutes, it has no bearing on if he can level grind."

    @ Everyone

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2vxbH5jWic&feature=related

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  36. So something just occurred to me. Back during his E3 coverage, Bores showed some footage of himself "winter gaming" on some of the displays. This makes me wonder, did he actually ask some of the reps monitoring the stations "Hey, could you let me press random buttons on this 3DS while I make angry faces? I need some footage for my show."? And did some people actually agree to this? Maybe he actually used this as criteria for whether or not he "liked" a demo?

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  37. @Shaolin Dave

    I'm starting to think you want to push my patience to the limit, you should have gotten my point a million years ago.

    What I'm saying is that level grinding is much more repetitive, much more boring, and takes a hell of a lot longer than opening a chest for a minute, yet he doesn't say a thing about it.

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  38. @ Arthur Arneiro

    So, your point is that grinding and opening boxes is the same thing, because the ability and willingness to do both go hand in hand...

    I disagree. Level grinding is less repetitive, as it can involved fighting a variety of enemies. It's much less boring, as you're actually playing the game instead of hitting a button over and over to complete the most mundane task. There's also the logical difference, one could easily pull multiple potions out of a chest without closing it each time, but actively seeking optional battles is far more realistic.

    I'd rather level grind for hours than take potions out of a chess one at a time for a few minutes. By your logic (and exact words), that should not be possible.

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  39. And let's be fair here for Spoony's joke vs. Bores' - Spoony's was used as a way to end the first part and then do a quick pre-theme song segment. It was a transition bit that ended on a humorous note - "Just TAKE THE WHOLE CHEST!" It also served as a microcosm of one of his complaints about the game - its tedium and artificial length when a lot of material could be covered in a shorter amount of time in the game's story. Whereas with Bores, it was just a quick joke about time passing while having to do a necessary part of the game and his joke beyond the visual of the beard was "Man, glad that's over with!" Used differently, served two different purposes.

    What especially irritates me is that Bores feels the need to destroy the Atari game for no reason. For crying out loud, this wasn't anything special, but this is an Atari game that one can actually WIN, and he's just disappointed because he was expecting more... out of an Atari game?

    On his storyline, I just have to sigh that it's just so generic that he's a "chosen one," like an ancient prophecy or the like. Here's the thing about my stories - I *KNOW* it's completely ludicrous that an internet reviewer is the one who has to face off against world-conquerors and robots. It's completely ridiculous. As such, I have to invent legitimate REASONS why they go after the character. With Mechakara, it was personal - he was an alternate version of Pollo and hated Linkara's guts. Linksano, similarly, was an alternate reality version of him.

    Vyce was a lot trickier about why he would give a damn at an internet reviewer. As such, I invented the concept of the "universal champion," a metaphysical idea that one or more people are basically the ones best suited to deal with something like Vyce (and that it isn't a guarantee of success, since Vyce admitted that he had killed several champions before), but I deliberately left it open that MORE THAN ONE PERSON could be a universe's champion, since I like to think the storyline in my videos shares at least a tenuous connection to those of other reviewers, and why the hell should I presume that my character and ONLY my character is best suited to deal with threats? Hell, Vyce was only defeated after the combined efforts of several people being at the right place at the right time. By that same token, the Entity will have reasons behind its actions, and so forth down the line for future storylines, because even after three major storylines, I STILL think it’s absolutely silly that an internet reviewer is the one who saves the world.

    Things need to happen for a reason. You can't just make it that "He's the chosen one" and leave it at that. It's LAZY. Hell, almost every part of the mythos of my show has an explanation behind it. That is what a writer does - THEY THINK. It's necessary for world-building and for establishing a mythology around your fiction. I'm not perfect and I've screwed up a few times along the way. But how much do you want to bet that Bores' stuff isn't going to have some deeper mythos surrounding it, isn't going to go beyond "an ancient prophecy about a gamer?"

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  40. @Linkara Of course he doesn't put any thought into his "story-lines" he has a low opinion of his subject matter and an even lower opinion of the people who play them. While you use story lines as a side attraction to reviews and a way to be creative Bores uses them to cover the fact he doesn't know or care about video games.
    Bores's "History of" documentary has pitiful jokes inserted into them for the same reason, believing that pretending to be a group of Horses over and over again will cover for the fact he's just spewing brainless crap copied from wikipiedia and some rubbish outdated gaming history book.

    The fact is even though Bores started off as a cynical noob cashing in on other peoples ideas he has been reviewing games and going to E3 shows long enough to learn about what he is doing, but the fact is the guy is so lazy that he hasn't even bothered to pick up enough to be a convincing casual player let alone an expert with "20 years experience".

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  41. @Linkara
    Another thing is that you plan, you plot, you have everything set-up. Yes I agree, it's all very silly but it's enjoyably silly and I like that. Plus, you stick with a certain genre, your stories have always been rooted in Science Fiction with heavy inspiration from Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Power Rangers.

    With Bores, he's obviously making this up as he goes along. The first three episodes were about robots created by his evil twin (who exists through the power of bad writing), and suddenly there's sages and a powerful sword with no mention of these robots ever happening. The only reference that this is still part of this story is the mention of the big bad at the end, only to tell us "Irate Gamer is the chosen one".

    Another thing is that "Linkara" has been defeated, or he barely made it out alive. IG always wins, he never gets hurt, and frankly he's a giant Mary Sue or Marty Stu.

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  42. My Facebook informant has provided some interesting updates.

    http://i55.tinypic.com/345ftab.jpg
    First picture has someone mention that he feels IG has lost his edge, IG claims "no it was irate filled" ... that doesn't even make sense!
    He also admits there that the Neo reviews are "cut and dry", meaning he barely puts effort into them. At least he admits it... that's not a good thing.

    http://i52.tinypic.com/2u5yw6g.jpg
    Ignore the first message since my informant didn't notice there were 10 comments.
    Here he contradicts himself about Halloween, and reveals he did rush out the latest episode. It's official, he doesn't care anymore.

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  43. @Linkara
    Ever notice how Chris doesn't care how the Kool-Aid Man fights Thirsties, while you think the name is stupid? Wonder if it means something...

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  44. Random video time

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x8YzeJhOmq0

    (Warning, NSFW)

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  45. And yet again, Batdannmm returns.
    I have to hand it to him, he certainly is persistent.

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  46. @Derek

    goddamn I'm kinda scared for BatDanNight, Batdannmm is a freaking stalker

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  47. @linkara:

    Another thing about Bores is that his plots have no pay-off. Just take this big robot army for example, which was defeated with zero effort from Bores. Heck, he didn't even DO anything for it!

    It's like he ditches plots as soon as he loses interest in them, only to replace them with the next big thing he finds cool.
    He must've gone to the Tite Kubo school of writing Oo

    @BatDanNight:

    So Bores has the power of iratemania?

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  48. I'm so tempted to make an IG parody that makes the paralels between Bores and Chris Chan/Sonichu right now because of this.

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  49. Can someone tell me where and when Bores claimed to have "20 years experience". I'm ready for a good laugh.

    It has become painfully obvious that he hates video games. If it's true that the first level of He-Man only takes 3 minutes to beat... well, since when is 3 minutes too long for a video game?

    Also, Hi Linkara!

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  50. @Crayons
    It's from an old "Thank You" video that he removed from his channel for some reason.

    http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x55j2x_irate-gamer-mystery-thank-you-video_videogames

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  51. @Shaolin Dave

    *sigh* Let's just end this nonsense. I don't want this to end up like my argument with that Elijah guy at the Kirby's Epic Yarn post, you know, the one that took half the comment section and ended in nothing?

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  52. Batdannmm?

    Pff... HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

    What next? Batdannnmmmmnmnnmmnnmnnnmmn?

    You know, it starts getting ridiculous when the Ns and Ms begin taking up half of the username.

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  53. You know what would be awesome to show next year at E3?
    A Castlevania game....
    That takes place in 1999.

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  54. @Derek

    Then Lavos shows up and kills everyone.

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  55. @Arthur
    Not the 1999 I thought of, but that will work.

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  56. @Arthur Arneiro:

    Then Dracula shows up inside the shell.. This would explain so much: Dracula couldn't be killed because his real body was resting inside the planet's core all along!

    But I hope this game won't show up at E3. Otherwise, we'll have Bores ask whether or not Simon will be in it...

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  57. @Doresh
    Speaking of which, do you think he'll release a Castlevania tribute video?

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  58. @Derek
    I can only hope that he's at least smart enough to know the amount of flak he would get from cribbing the Nerd's style again. Then again, I'm sure his idiot fanbrats would still defend him.

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  59. Wait a minute.
    I just thought about Chris' storyline.
    If he's the hero...
    Why does he drink the Kool-Aid Man's blood, tell people to fuck off, insult good games and blow up Ubisoft's building?
    Are we really supposed to root for HIM?

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  60. @Derek

    Because destroying walls is frigging satanic and Bores was obviously doing the work of the angels by purifying the unholy blood with his bowel movements.

    People need to fuck off because they don't know how to make sandwiches.

    Aliens have placed us in an alternate reality where we thing the crappy games are good. Bores is trying to show us the truth because he's The One.

    And finally...... Ubisoft wouldn't "gasp" let him into the conference! They deserved the death he brought them!

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  61. @Derek

    Well, his fans most certainly root for him.

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  62. Well, his new contest is up. He's giving away old Haunted Investigators DVDs, because he has them all on one disc instead of three now.

    He also said that Season 2 is happening next year... I can't believe he's still serious about this! Good lord.

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  63. @ BatDanNight

    Be positive, with Bores stumbling around in dark abandoned locations maybe he'll fall down some stairs or something.

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  64. Oh god. I just realized: He's going to post a new contest video every week. He's using this as an excuse to be EVEN MORE LAZY.

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  65. I do wonder how Haunted Investigators would work if he actually does bring it back in 2012. I mean, there's no way in hell that he's going to bring Jennifer back. So I only see two possibilities. One being that it would just be only Chris Bores and Alan Cicco. Or two, he would find a third investigator that would replace Jennifer.

    You guys decide on that one.

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  66. @Derek:

    Why would he ever make a tribute video about anything? That'd be too much work and full of errors!

    I also can't imagine that he ever played a Castlevania game other than Portrait of Ruin. A lot of them - especially the first 3 - would be too hard for him, and if he really was a fan of the series, he'd know that Simon is NOT the only protagonist.

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  67. @Doresh
    Didn't Simon have five games about the same adventure?

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  68. @Derek
    Castlevania was remade multiple times. There was Vampire Killer for the MSX2, Haunted Castle for the Arcades, Super Castlevania IV for the SNES, and Castlevania for the Sharp X68000 (later ported to the Playstation as Castlevania Chronicles).

    All of those games have the same story.

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  69. @BatDanNight:

    Considering these remakes are based on an early NES game, they don't have much story (besides "Go kill Dracula!"). Levels, monsters and bosses are also very different.

    If these "remakes" weren't made so early in the franchise's lifetime, I'd guess they ran out of dates XD

    Still, I doubt Bores played even one of these Simon games.

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  70. @ Doresh
    "After doing some research, I found out that Castlevania had games without Simon! What a shit roast with piss sauce! I don't wanna play as Richter or Julius! I wanna play as Simon!"

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  71. @blueluigi

    He'll probably bring back the character of Jennifer, but play her himself.

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  72. @Derek
    I mean, what the fuck is a Richter?

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  73. I would like to ask everyone a question.

    I know that Chris Bores is awful at reviewing games but why do we pick on him when there are people who are much, much worse?

    Specifically, I am talking about Retrogamer3 (His N64 episode where he...um..."made love" to an N64: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETIc56qpUPY). He is absolutely worse than the Irate gamer.

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  74. @Unforunate Will:

    Either this guy had to create a new account, or he's really a reviewer with just 2 subscribers and barely any views. It would actually be a bad idea to give him any kind of attention.

    We pick on Bores because he seems to believe he's a genius and managed to get to E3 3 years in a row despite his lack of effort or care.

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  75. @Everyone talking about Chris and Castlevania
    You do know that the only reason Chris gives two shits about Castlevania was because he was in Captain N? Yeah... Captain N Simon was a total fag if I remember correctly. If Chris really played Castlevania as a kid, I'll burn my Fluttershy pony figure (Yeah, I'm that fucking sure)!

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  76. @ Keith

    "He'll probably bring back the character of Jennifer, but play her himself."

    LOL, WIN!

    @ Unfortunate Will

    there's a lot of reasons that bores deserves to get 'picked on' more than the other reviewers. i'll explain it more after i get done with my homework.

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  77. @Doresh @Shaolin Dave
    I guess I didn't put my best foot forward when asking my question because that was a parody video and not his real review.

    Here is his real review of the N64 where he fucks the poor system and it is just as bad and inaccurate as a IG review but hell of a lot more offensive:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-2Hp_BmruI

    He has also made a character that glorifies rape:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBR9U1Ggy4E

    (his re-edited version is here:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19NJyUKRnQ0
    It's just as bad, just take out the rape jokes when you get backlash).


    So as far as IG goes he is not the worst AVGN knock of, Retrogamer3 is.

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  78. @ Unfortunate Will

    hmm my last comment got cut off, guess it was too long.

    well, what I was trying to say is that when you only look at him as a video game reviewer, he isn't the worse. if you look at him in his entirety, he is the worse.

    he's a horrible actor, writer, reviewer. he puts more effort into censoring critics than fixing his show (false flaggings? how many reviewers do that). a lot of reviewers are greedy, but not enough to do these fake contest, split a review into two just to double ad revenue?

    also, pretty much every bad reviewer is ripping of AVGN. bores rips off AVGN and a whole lot of other people as well. i listed them out here, but the post was too long again...

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  79. *is the worst

    some of these are more obvious that others...

    1- irate gamer, ripping off angry video game nerd
    2- haunted investigators, ripping off ghost hunters
    3- chris and scottie road trip, that one scene from wayne's world
    4- i rate the 80's, very similar to reviews from NC (garbage pail kids) and james rolfe (old toys)
    5- dark chapters, based on the description was just ripping off lord of the rings
    6- http://awesomesaucegames.me/?p=29

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  80. Yeah, but any idiot with a camera can knock off someone else with a shittier copy. The only thing reprehensible is the plagiarism of the Doom game (if it is truly him).

    The guy I'm talking about is basically everything you describe about Bores except I don't know if he has done the contests or if he is a YouTube partner.

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  81. @Unfortunate Will

    I had an idea on a video about this joker, mainly the one where he said something about "Vietnamese Kids with Down syndrome". Only problem is that he can flag videos on both YouTube and blip. Not sure if he could also target nicovideo or Photobucket.

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  82. @Unfortunate Will:

    Oh, so this guy has almost 10,000 subscribers. Hope he's not a Youtube Partner Oo

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  83. @Unfortunate Will

    Oooooh....I think I know who you're talking about

    And yes....unfortunately he's a Youtube Partner

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  84. 40 Greatest Irate Gamer Quotes ;)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KTPlboSHfhk

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  85. @Rafael:

    Just when you think Youtube couldn't get any shallower and soulless...

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  86. I guess it's official: Chris Bores' ego makes Michael Flatley's ego look 100% deflated.

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  87. Heads up new Irate Gamer Neo up on Gotgame now.

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  88. So yeah, to sum up his "Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection" "Review", Bores doesn't know that Mortal Kombat misspells "Kollection", makes a terrible running joke about updates, shows us that he sucks at old fighting games and complains about the easy setting being too hard, gives the shocking verdict that "Old fans will feel right at home", and missuses the word "jaded".

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  89. @lordlaharl:

    I guess he truly IS "jaded" thanks to the new Mortal Kombat's kewl grafiks...

    Unless the Kollection downloads seperate updates for each game (instead of downloading all of them together), he just used the same update screen over and over. I also highly doubt that the updates for this collection are nearly as big as some patches of recent games. At least he didn't use slow motion to make the downloads longer.
    And he either admitted to totally suck at Mortal Kombat, OR he just reviewed a hard game without tearing it to shreds for some reasons oO

    Oh, and aren't there some issues with the ports, or was that just the XBox version?

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  90. @Doresh
    My point was that "jaded" by it would tend to imply that he didn't like it. I believe a more proper word might be "spoiled".

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  91. I looked up reviews and ratings for the Mortal Kombat Arcade Kollection, and the ratings seems to be pretty low from what I've seen. People thought that it was either terrible, or just OK at best. Apparently, the MK Arcade collection had a lot of issues that made it very lacking compared to what you see with the original arcade games. The game has a lot of audio glitches where the music would either pause and play back again, or it would just stop abruptly and it has some glitches to the game that can be disappointing to the hardcore MK fans. Not to mention that the online is extremely lagging.

    Now, I haven't seen Bores' review of the game just yet. But I'm willing to bet that he's going to ignore all the glitches, and just gush about how awesome this HD port of the game is and forget about his "Irate" character.

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  92. I've bought the Arcade Kollection, and to be honest, the problem isn't so much with the actual difficulty as it is with the fake difficulty created by the unforgivingly cheap AI. The AI for the games are based off the arcade versions (obviously, since it says arcade right on the "box"), but those types of AI were designed to be quarter-suckers, and that doesn't translate well for console games with free play. I haven't seen Bores' review, but I seriously doubt he actually explains that.

    And I like how this episode in a series where he reviews current-gen games is about a collection of retro games, one of which is turning 20 years old next year. Should've just called the fucking video "I Rate the '90s HD Episode 1."

    And my word verification was "thsnes," which came out around the same time as thgenesis.

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  93. 2:50

    "Boy, that was worth wasting my time with."

    I fail to see what he was expecting out of an Atari game. Keep in mind, back in the 80s getting an end screen from an Atari game was pretty exciting. Bores just needs to realize that you can't review old games from today's standards.

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  94. Battle bot......

    Didn't he have a famicom version of ROB? If he did why didn't he jump cut that in? Barring that using is oh so fancy editing software to change the colors? Or add in some cartoon armor.

    He really isn't trying!

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  95. Actually I found the "I regret nothing" joke decent (even though it was pointless), but when he used it that second time he ruined it... Bores is such an expert at failing when he pulls out something good he ruins it in a matter of seconds

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  96. @claudiocardena92
    You know, I felt the same way about his "Rob-o-cop" line. Only that time, he didn't even give it ten seconds to be funny before ruining it with unnecessary explanation.

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