Thursday, November 24, 2011

For Making This Idiotic Video, I'm Sending You to Arkham City

It’s Thanksgiving! Stuff your gullets full of bird and bread while watching family movies on TV. With the Irate Gamer though, this gives him an opportunity to release two new videos!

First is, as usual, more contest shit. Giving away download codes for BurgerTime World Tour on XBLA. How sad is your company that you have to rely on the Irate Gamer to give away free copies of your game?
He also says the next video is another I Rate the 80s. So you’ve just given up on the regular IG show? I blame the people that said “this is actually decent”. Turns out it was just as shit as his other stuff!

The other video is an IG Neo review of *sighs* Batman: Arkham City. Watch him ruin an amazing game with his lack of knowledge. At least the game is only a month old this time.

0:07 - 0:26: The video opens with IG reminding us it’s Thanksgiving with some stock turkey sound effects playing, not a good sign if I’m getting flashbacks to that dumb Donkey Kong Country Returns video.
He announces he’ll review Batman: Arkham City and gets confused wondering what that has to do with Thanksgiving. The exact same question can be asked with Donkey Kong Country Returns! You don’t have to make this Thanksgiving related.
“Let’s check this bad boy out!” Ah, seems Thanksgiving is also the day where IG decides he must horribly overact his lines.

0:27 - 0:41: “If you’re a fan of the gritty Batman that was reintroduced in the past few years” Past few years? I’m looking at these comics from the 1980s and these are fairly gritty and dark.
“Now the details in this game are what makes this one pop, and there are tons of them” Like? “Details” is a rather vague word Chris. You have to give details yourself and can’t rely on your stupid fans to take your word for it.

0:42 - 1:20: He brings up the villains, said they did a good job with the Penguin and that Joker and Two-Face are in it. Any mention of how Joker is voiced by Mark Hamill in his final appearance as the clown prince of crime?
He’s just being really vague about this, it’s like he’s taking lines from his other reviews and replacing the names.

There’s a clip of Two-Face saying “Bring out the defendant”, then a random shot of IG holding his controller, then it cuts back and Batman is facing Solomon Grundy. … That’s not how happened in the game. It was Penguin that had Grundy prisoner, not Two-Face. Two-Face was actually pretty inconsequential to the plot. After you tie him up at the beginning of the game, he doesn’t appear again until Catwoman’s final episode.
For some reason, IG doesn’t like the appearance of Grundy and remarks “I guess they can’t all be winners.” Screw you, Grundy is awesome.
He says that another villain done right was Catwoman. Actually, she’s more of the anti-hero Catwoman in this game considering you play as her.
“She looks so much like the Gymli’s version, it’s almost eerie” … What does that mean? What‘s a Gymli? *gets note* Ooooh he means famed comic book artist Jim Lee. See, he didn’t put any space between the given name and surname and added “the” at the beginning so it sounded like he was talking about some rejected Tolkien character. Enunciation? Second takes? Pshaw, Chris Bores doesn’t need those!

By the way, ever consider the characters were made to look and act like they did in the comics? It’s almost like Rocksteady gave a shit! Unlike you and this review!
Seriously, no mention of Mr. Freeze, Ra’s al Ghul and his daughter Talia, Harley-Quinn, hell you don’t even say Hugo Strange’s name and he’s basically the main villain!

1:20 - 1:55: “Now in this game, you’ll be running around this huge open landscape, which is Gotham City” While he’s not a Batman villain, I feel the need to quote Lex Luthor. *ahem* WRONG! It’s not Gotham, it’s a sectioned off piece of Gotham called “Arkham City” (it’s almost like it’s in the title). If you actually LISTENED to the story, you would know this!
He says exploring the city is fun because of all the sidequests. Care to name some? Like helping Bane get rid of Titan, saving hostages from the Riddler, finding his riddles, locating phones to trace Victor Zsasz’ calls before he murders his own hostages, no not going to mention them?
“You get to fly around the city” Batman doesn’t fly, he glides. There’s a difference.

He then brings up how they brought back the voice actors from Batman: The Animated Series here. Yes, they did that in the last game too. Care to say their names? Kevin Conroy & Mark Hamill (*cough*final appearance*cough*).
“And I think Harley-Quinn as well” You’d be right if this was Arkham Asylum. However, Arleen Sorkin did not reprise her role here, instead Harley is voiced by veteran voice actress Tara Strong. Honestly, you couldn’t take five minutes in IMDB or Wikipedia to find this?

1:56 - 2:24: He mentions how you use detective work to figure out puzzles, saying that some of these puzzles are headscratchers and can even kill you. Funny how the on-screen footage isn’t showing a puzzle but basic plat forming. There are puzzles in the game that kill you, but those are mostly set-up by the Riddler. Which makes sense given how the Riddler puts Batman into various death traps.
IG then says it’s okay because even dying is cool, showing a game over screen with Harley Quinn mocking you. Just like the last game, if you die the villain mocks you.

2:25 - 2:43: With 30 seconds left, IG realizes he needs to move onto the final verdict since these videos can’t be longer than 3 minutes for some reason.
“I simply love Batman Arkham City, and it contains a great storyline” A storyline that he brought up at NO POINT in this video. Nice going there!
He then recommends it for your Christmas list. Honestly, if THIS was the video I had to go by then I’d forget this game even exists.

The video ends with… oh screw you Bores. He impersonates Batman saying “I’m the Irate Gamer”, holds a cape in front of him, delivers his dumb catchphrase and leaves. Then after the credits card, he holds a Batman action figure to the camera and says “Happy Thanksgiving”. What kind of ending was that? God that was stupid.

Overall, this was just another dumb, generic IG video. He explained next to nothing about the game, anything he did mention was written to be as vague as possible, that ending was beyond horrid, and did he really have to make this a Thanksgiving episode? It’s rather easy not to make a Thanksgiving episode.
No mention of map challenges, Riddler challenges, THE GADGETS, the use of stealth, playable Catwoman, DLC Nightwing and Robin, nothing about the storyline, just a big pile of “Dis game are good and… that’s it”.

It’s quite obvious he never played the first game. That’s all for now. Let’s see how long it takes for that I Rate the 80s video to come out. I’m kind of hoping it’s MTV, not because I want to hear him talk about it, but I want some explanation for that out-of-nowhere ending involving A-ha’s Take On Me in the last video. I get the feeling it’s just going to be a Big Lipped Alligator Moment…

91 comments:

  1. I felt bad for him since a relative died.
    Not anymore.

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  2. To be fair, it's probably a good thing that he didn't try to explain the story. Given his previous attempts to do so with games like Contra and Resident Evil V, he'd probably just give us some crap about Batman fighting terrorists.

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  3. @Derek:

    Maybe he doesn't want to be friends with us?

    Why has the "gritty Batman" recently been "reintroduced"? Was there a storyline about the 70's Batman invading the current DCU Oo ?

    And why is Arkham City "pop"? What does that even mean?

    Man, I could swear he has some generic review script laying around were he just has to fill in some gaps...

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  4. The part where he said that dying is cool gives me flashbacks of that horrible TMNT review where he said "even dying is cool as shit".

    Seriously, Chris, what is your definition of acceptable deaths? So far I only know of two times where you think dying is cool.

    Actually I take that back, you were also ok with dying in Donkey Kong Country Returns since you just said "oops"?

    Then why the fuck do you complain about dying in most games that you play? Seriously, have some fucking consistency.

    Yeah, his game reviews NEO or not really do suck.

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  5. I could already feel my blood boiling the minute I found out he was doing Arkham City. I clicked the link anyways, to found out he didn't butcher the story or the Batman mythos. Because he didn't talk about anything other the characters. Just like his MK video.

    Why is he always act surprised that a game from a very popular franchise has characters from that franchise?

    I'm sure he's never played this game.

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  6. Ooh, I know a connection between Thanksgiving and Arkham City: Go to City Hall today and meet Calendar Man and he'll tell you about the time he spent Thanksgiving with family. Not his, mind you...

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  7. @The-CRZA
    Trust me, I was dreading this right along with you.

    @UltimateCharm
    That would be nice if he mentioned that Easter Egg. But I doubt he knows you can find Calendar Man at all.

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  8. "Solomon Grundy want pants, too!"

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  9. @Razorclaw
    Check the previous post's comments.

    Anyway, my great-uncle brought a whole pig for dinner!

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  10. I get the feeling he only put down Solomon Grundy because he wasn't familiar with him, as in "Only the popular ones that I know about are good." I don't know Grundy that well but I really liked him in Justice League.

    So this is the second time Bores has dissed a character I like with no explanation, the first being Mewtwo in his Brawl video. ("Hmmmm. Pokemon's for little kids, right? That means it's not popular, right? I should say I hate Mewtwo!")

    Also, gritty Batman isn't the only Batman around these days. Camp Batman has very much been a part of the past two Batman cartoons, "The Batman" (yay) and "Brave and the Bold" (booo. Because it makes every hero except Batman look stupid.)

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  11. Screw you IG. Solomon Grundy is an awesome villain. I love him ever since I first saw him in Justice League.

    I also predicted that he won't talk the sidequests and the gadgets.

    And man, the ending was terrible. It's like what a kid does in a video but Bores isn't a kid anymore.

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  12. By the way, I just remembered. Didn't Bores at one point say he is going to work on the next episode of History of Video Games after his regular IG show He-Man review and the I Rate the 80s episode of Madballs (I think)?

    So far, there hasn't been any annoucement of the next episode and at this rate, this year we will only have one HOVG episode again.

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  13. First time poster, long time reader, so hello!

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  14. @BatDanNight

    Why are so many of his IG-NEO episodes only about 3 minutes?
    Not so much free time?

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  15. @Roken

    More like too much of a lazy ass.

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  16. Pardon me for asking, but how come this game will be Hamill's last preformance as the Joker? Did he say why? (I'm just wondering)

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  17. @Robert
    All he's said is this:
    "I've enjoyed every minute behind the wheel of the Clown Prince’s crazy car — I'm going to miss him more than I can say!!".
    So we don't really know, but he has said he would take up the role again if someone ever made an adamption of the killing joke.


    And I just got my hands on Arkham City, so I'm off to see just who worg Bores is.

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  18. It's funny how his review of the game was just as informative as his review of the trailer earlier this year. Wonder what happened to those trailer reviews, anyway? Seemed like a goldmine of quick ad revenue for Bores to exploit, but he never followed through with it. He could've done one on Modern Warfare 3 and how pretty the graphics are just to get the views and made a nice sum of cash.

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  19. I like how he feels the need to say that The Penguin, Joker, and Two-Face are in the game. That's like saying that Master Hand is going to be in the next SSB. If you're going to say something like that, at least bring up the more obscure characters!

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  20. Pardon to change the subject, but does anyone know of a website where you can track someone's YouTube channel's statistics? I'm looking for a point in which Bores's subscriber count really declined.

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  21. Having just completed Arkham City and reatching Bores's video, Im starting to wonder if he got up to the first catwoman section? Not just because he fails to mention her out side of drooling over her clevage, but also because almost none of his footage is from beyond that.

    All that I saw of footage from beyond your first twyst with the joker was the Solomon Grundy Clip, which I think I may have found where he took it from:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qel_lyPKKZ8

    If you start this Youtube footage at 02:15 and then compare it to Bores's footage, at 01:04.

    Seriously that game footage was the first link I found when I looked up "Solomon Grundy Arkham City" on Youtube. Thought if you cut out the watermark with black linew we wouldn't notice? also he does the same thing with most of his twoface and catwoman footage.

    The second footage is here by the same group:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfcbuxcsqBo

    Again if you start the footage at 01:15 and then compare it to Bores's footage, at 02:23.

    You may think this is unfair of me to say, but once you compare borses cutscenes to how they are meant to look it becomes obvious that the footage has been streched and partially blacked to hide something, I mean for all hie 'high definition means my show is better' boasting, shouldn't this footage be the easy thing to get?

    But yhea I haven't bothered to look for anymore footage but it seems to be a mostly lifted affair.

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  22. I've sent ClevverGames a message about that. Let's see what happens with that.

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  23. If someone sees Dynamiteninja, tell him that I'm gonna rip him a new one... I watched an episode of MLP.... and I'm offcially a fan...

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  24. @VinceThePhilosopher

    Glad I could help dude :)

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  25. @VinceThePhilosopher:

    I KNEW this show brainwashes people! Thank god I'm already a Madobro XD

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  26. @Vince the Philosopher

    No love for Derek or John? They were here before.

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  27. This is what you're encouraging
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZRZWWvOcyk :p

    Why is there no modern equivalent to Bravestarr to help these youngsters?

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  28. @Clark

    And?

    They can like whatever they want. I mean, if you don't know or don't like the show, fine, but don't say "Watch this instead, kids.". Who can guarantee that's the only thing they watch? Ever heard of someone have a broad taste in stuff?

    Like Linkara, who likes comic books, rock, pop, Power Rangers, Pokémon, etc. These guys could very well like MLP and more "mature" stuff. Is there a law saying they can't do so?

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  29. @Clark
    Dude, those were generation 3 ponies, AKA the stuff that wasn't good enough for televised broadcast. Even the people who watched the first two series (not myself, by the way, I started with FiM) agree that gen 3 sucked ass.

    Your post is the equivalent of someone saying:
    "Man, I can't believe people actually play Legend of Zelda! I mean just LOOK at this garbage!"
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNpLXo55yfw

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  30. I like MLP, but I also enjoy manly things like Kirby's Epic Yarn and Yoshi's Island. Nevermind.

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  31. Oh dear Lord SHUT UP! Sorry but this is why I cannot stand Bronies, they never stop rabbiting on and on about their show, regardless of the time and place. Don't get me wrong, I like some current kids shows like The Clone Wars, yet you never hear me talk about it here, I will discuss it with people I know who also like it, but certainly not here.

    In short: MLP has it's own forums, discuss it there.

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  32. So now I've been blocked not only by Boring Man, but by Archfiend as well. Gotta say, for a guy who views anyone who objects to his views as an idiot AVGN fanboy with no basis for his counterargument, he sure is quick to block dissenters rather than properly counter their supposedly baseless rebuttal.

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  33. @ lordlaharl

    Archfiend is TRULY a fiend.

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  34. @fattoler

    not all us bronies are like that. there are hardcore bronies like FlippyInvader782 and others like him that you and blueluigi have to despise.

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  35. @lordlaharl

    Nothing new here. He's no different from these "Youtube whores" he hates so much.

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  36. @Thelone

    There's something about a guy who became the very thing he hated....

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  37. Friendship is Magic is a good show, and I like it--but I'll never be a true fan. The constant presence of talk about the show has been turning me off from it a lot recently.

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  38. @Motherplayer

    I don't think he became a whore, he was one from the very beginning. Maybe his early IG rebuttal videos were genuine, but he quickly became an attention whore by attacking not-so-random big youtubers for the dumbest reasons and rambling about them for ages.

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  39. I want to know what you people here think of the hypocritical douchebag TheArchfiend.

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  40. @Arthur Arneiro and @lordlaharl

    I kiddin. I purposely chose the worst pony ad I could find and im 29 but ended by calling them "youngsters" I honestly don;t care enough to condemn. Sorry if I caused offense

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  41. @Roken

    I hadn't heard about him, so I checked out his YouTube channel. He has some reasonable complaints about YouTube celebrities, but he's so pretentious about all of it that it's really turning me off.

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  42. When it comes to smug assholes laughing at Internet celebrities though, I prefer Asalieri.

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  43. @dynaboyj

    at least Asalieri respects other people's opinions and doesn't treat his opinion like fact. as long as you aren't an asshole to anyone else with an opinion, I'll respect your opinion and vice versa.

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  44. @DynamiteNinja

    and when I meant "with an opinion", I meant with an opinion that's different than your own.

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  45. @DynamiteNinja:

    Haven't heard about what this respectful person did during TGWTG's filming of Suburban Knights XD ?

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  46. @Clark

    Okay... that's all then.

    @Dynaboyj and Dynamite Ninja

    I don't like Asalieri all that much. All I'm going to say is that he very often mistakes "Constructive critcism" and "free speech" with "having the right to say whatever I want without repercussions".

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  47. @BatDanNight

    Any word from Clevver games on that Footage?

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  48. @Relinquo Spes
    Nothing yet, I'm not sure if anything will happen from it.

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  49. Jeez, can't Youtube just settle on a layout? I mean, I'm one of the few who don't complain about the layouts, but they change it just as you get used to the previous one!

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  50. @Arthur Arneiro

    I just got the stupid layout change, and it's awful. why the fuck do they have to keep ignoring our complaints? It must be going against some kind of policy the original owners had in place before they sold it. (but hey, since when did Google's corporate big shits ever listen to us?)

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  51. I would be fine with the new layout if they did three key things.

    1: Make it easier to see when a subscription uploads more than two or three videos.

    2: Add the ability to remove videos from the subscription box.

    3: Make it less cluttered - perhaps by removing the left hand bar, and adding those same features as optional widgets, or something.

    Other than that, It's not that bad.

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  52. Oh, and why the hell does Youtube try to look like Facebook? I already hate THEIR layout!

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  53. My complaints about the new layout are that you can't view your friends' and subscriptions' Recent Activities anymore, and that it now only shows one video per subscription at a time. If they could fix those things, I'd be happy.

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  54. We all complain much....even me.

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  55. Alright, I sent my piece of feedback containing the latter issue on my previous comment.

    I rather doubt they will remedy that issue, but hey, every bit helps.

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  56. Anyone see Nostalgia Critic's Moulin Rouge review. I have to say, out of all the work he's put out, it was absolutely perfect.

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  57. And yes, the new layout is absolute garbage.

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  58. To be fair I think YouTube's new color scheme and the icon on the tab in the browser look nicer now. But that's it. Everything else was better before.

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  59. @VinceThePhilosopher

    I have to agree that the Rouge review was really goo, it felt like the critic was expanding out and doing something different, rather than the usual plod that most of his reviews have felt like reccently. Thats not to say they've been bad, they just haven't felt fresh, just the same reheated (good reheats mind, but still reheats).

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  60. Facebook update from Bores
    A new I Rate the 80s is next week. He wanted to get it out this week but couldn't. No he doesn't say why.

    *prepares self*

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  61. @VinceThePhilosopher:

    I feel ashamed that I only knew Brentafloss from two random "With Lyrics!" videos on Youtube. That guy is awesome Oo !

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  62. *Sigh* My team just got 2nd in the Brazilian Championship... again!

    Oh well, at least they're still on the South American Cup.

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  63. By the way, I just got Skyward Sword two days ago, and it kicks ASS! So what are your opinions on it?

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  64. You know, I was thinking, we were all such jerks to charlie, he was just a child, we were so harsh to him. I think we should apologise to him next time he comes over to the internet.

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  65. @The one who is totally NOT you-know-who

    Sorry pal, I saw your profile, you can't fool me.

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  66. Huh, I was wondering why BDN was unlinked.

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  67. @Obviously Charlie

    This should say something about how much of a diapered, bed wetting, crybaby sissy douchebag you are.

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  68. @Shaolin Dave

    Asa can say what he likes but what he says is "you can't do angry internet reviews about things and I will tell you why in my angry internet review"

    Its fine to dislike stuff but he IS what he hates so unless he suffers from a very complex form of self loathing split personality disorder the guy is a hypocrite.

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  69. I'm actually fine with Asalieri's output once in a while, mostly his fanfic riffing thing he has. His videos laughing at Internet reviewers can be funny, and they used to be, but he's always been too smug and cocky.

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  70. Couple of Facebook things.

    A fan asked if Haunted Investigators is really coming back, and Chris once again confirms it is. Not only that, it will be a revamp as well.
    Think it's possible that he can make it less boring?

    He also informed us the new I Rate the 80s is tomorrow. Along with a picture of him punching the air with a constipated grimace on his face.

    http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/389526_189540167804572_100002457711297_378731_1575586121_n.jpg
    Have fun with it.

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  71. I don't know what he's going to be taking a look at, but I don't think it's MTV.

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  72. @Arthur
    Just finished it today. One of the best games I've played in a while, and, in my opinion, one of the best Zeldas. At least in the top 3, I would say. As for all the morons who say the motion controls don't work right, I have no idea what they're talking about. Were they holding the Wii Remote upside-down? Were they holding it with their ass?

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  73. The revamp means that Chris Bores will investigate the Irate Gamer's room, since that has been demonstrably proven to be haunted by the ghost of Eric Allen.

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  74. All these paranormal mystery shows have very pricey equipment, better production then you can get from an semi-amateur youtube producer, multiple experts and 9 times out of 10 its still a bunch of guys walking around in night-vision pretending to be scared of post production chair scrapes. Although that level of easily faked nonsense is probably what attracts Chris to that particular genre.

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  75. Here's a hilarious commentary on a Haunted Investigators episode: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gprO2OGJEl4&list=FLeWBFKpS6tyD7NmgNmLbAPQ&index=50&feature=plpp_video

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  76. @ BatDanNight

    "A fan asked if Haunted Investigators is really coming back, and Chris once again confirms it is. Not only that, it will be a revamp as well."

    ... That "revamp" line fuels my theory that Bores is stealing my "fake ghost hunting show that turns out to be real" idea.

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  77. @Shaolin Dave
    Well, I think we've established that Bores' idea of "revamping" a show basically amounts to using an HD camera and incorporating an idiotic plotline, so that seems pretty likely.

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  78. Maybe Wise Sage (or footage from him) will play the role of the ghost?

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  79. New Irate the 80s is up and it's...M.U.S.C.L.E. i guess he wanted to answer that question he asked years ago. Gotta love the ending where he punches with his right arm but it's clearly his left fist hitting the toy in the shot.

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  80. @Keith

    Do you think he will

    a)not mention Kinnikuman

    b) act like he watched/read Kinnikuman when he was a kid and claim "nostalgia overload?

    I get the feeling he will just list the names of the immobile pieces of plastic say the game sucks with an "ive already covered that" joke throw in some cliche Wrestling being fake reference and that will be pretty much it unless he bought a cheap Lucha mask to cut stereotypical promo.

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  81. So what was the point of the ending to Madballs?

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  82. His Kinnikuman review sucked and it's anime not cartoon Bores.

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  83. and when says let's travel to Japan he shows China i hate when people do that.

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  84. "Now I personally loved these little M.U.S.C.L.E men as a kid."

    "What the fuck is a M.U.S.C.L.E?"

    You're such a pathetic lair, Chris.

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  85. @Roken

    I think Bores is one of these people that think all asians are the same.

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  86. @Roken:

    So what? It's both in Canada XD !

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  87. Didn´t just said that he dislikes the old Batman Movies in his Dark Knight "review"... and he´s using the Danny Elfman theme in the end of his video... odd...

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