Thursday, May 31, 2012

Generations of Sonic Speed By IG's Slow Schedule

If I said “I didn’t see this game coming”, I would be lying. Given how he’s talked about Unleashed and Colors, it was only a matter of time until he got to Sonic Generations. If he released this review one day later, it would have been seven months since it came out.

What’s that? Generations was praised by critics AND loved by fans? And it’s unlikely Bores will add anything new long after the game has been released? Ha, you guys have read my mind. I don’t see Bores saying anything new half a year after this game came out, but as usual I’ll recap the nonsense.

0:06 - 0:28: IG announces the review, then wonders if it’s the one “Sonic fans have been waiting for”.
After once again reminding us Sonic games have sucked and that he didn’t like Unleashed. We get it! You didn’t like Sonic Unleashed. Personally, I don’t think you have the right to judge it considering you barely played it. At least tell me you’re familiar with Sonic 06, that one has far more problems than Unleashed.
“All I gotta say, it’s been a long time coming” What about Sonic Colors? That was pretty good, you even said you liked it.

0:29 - 1:08: He mentions the levels are comprised in two styles, the classic side-scrolling style and the “zoom through the level” style. Don’t you mean 3D? That’s… the big difference. Classic Sonic is in 2D while Modern Sonic is in 3D with some 2D elements. That’s the point, to showcase the major differences between the Sonic of old and new.

Oh this is hilarious. IG mentions back in the day he played Sonic 1-3 so much he “pretty much memorized the levels”. Bullshit. You’ve done so much to prove you’re not a gamer that the idea of you playing Genesis back in the day is laughable. You thought Super Mario World was an NES game. Also, if you played Sonic 2 so much, why did you bash the flying stage in Unleashed? It was kind of the same thing as Sky Chase Zone.

He goes on about how the levels got “major upgrades” or something. I’m sorry, I just don’t believe that he played Sonic 1-3 that much.
He also says the graphics are “breath-taking” and if you have a 3D TV then you’re in for a treat. Honestly, I’m not surprised Bores doesn’t treat 3D as a stupid gimmick. Given his love of special effects, having them pop out must be like cocaine to him.
This prompts a joke where he’s playing with 3D glasses and a couple of stock electric balls fly out at him. He remarks it “feels so dimensional” whatever that means.

1:09 - 1:31: He briefly talks about the story and says it’s not really needed, but knows Sega loves putting their stories in there. You clearly never played Sonic 06, you don’t know how bad it can get. Generations is Coppola compared to 06 being Uwe Boll.
He attempts to skip the cut scenes, but he can’t, prompting one of his forced growls where he slacks his jaw. Stop that! You don’t look angry doing that, you look like you have problems.

EDIT: It's been confirmed to me multiple times that you can skip cutscenes. So Bores was angry for... no reason at all. This also furthers confirms he didn't actually play the game, but watched Cyberman65's playthrough. This is getting worse and worse....

1:32 - 2:06: IG says he’s reached the part where he tears it apart, but can’t find anything to rant on. Surely you can find something, too many bonus levels for you, easy mode too hard? Nah, this shows some progress.
But he does go back to his ranting on Sega taking a long time to release a good Sonic game, brings up Unleashed again (god damn it, enough! This is worse than Epic Yarn) and not only wants the old Sonic games done in this style, but wants old NES games done the same way. They have! NES titles have been remade for years! Bionic Commando, all three NES Final Fantasy titles, the first Fire Emblem, Metroid, all three Super Mario Bros games, Kirby’s Adventure, they’re just not all on HD consoles.

His final verdict is for Sonic fans to check it out and it’s a nostalgic overload (wrong series Bores). That’s it.

Despite my rants, that was fairly harmless. A boring video of IG gushing about a game, as per usual when it comes to IG Neo these days. But seriously, I still find it hard to believe he played the classic Sonic games that much. Especially his belief that the only thing that matters about Sonic is “speed”.
I will compliment him for not bringing up that he played it at E3.

I do wonder when he’ll put up his Ninja Gaiden 3 review to YouTube. The backlash to that will be glorious.

EDIT: blueluigi brought up a VERY interesting detail about this video. When viewed in HD (click the little HD button in the bottom part of the video), a watermark saying "Cyberman65" can be seen. Through a YouTube search, there is a user called Cyberman65 with  a playthrough of Sonic Generations. He's also a YouTube partner as well.

Wow, he can't even get his own footage. The fact he didn't credit Cyberman65 is an even greater crime.

EDIT: Karl Reid has brought some new info.
He left a post on GotGame's Facebook page, informing  them of the stolen footage using the screenshot left by Mario Augusto Puga Valera. GotGame says they'll "take care of it" and now under his video, a message saying "Green Hill Zone footage courtesy of Youtuber Cyberman65" with a link not to his channel, but to his first video of the playthrough.
Okay, no. He didn't just steal Green Hill Zone, he stole ALL the footage from him. That watermark is in every shot of gameplay.
You can't just add that and expect this problem to go away. You don't know if Bores asked him for permission (he likely didn't).
How desperate are you for traffic that you will ignore everything he does? You let him get away with reviews of games he's only played for an hour, and videos where he blows up the office of a video game publisher. What the hell guys?

EDIT: Cyberman65 responds!
He messaged me back saying "thanks for telling me" and that he didn't know about this. Proving Bores did NOT ask for permission.
He also posted a bulletin saying thanks to everyone for informing him, his late response was due to him being away from his computer, and that he is NOT happy about this. However, an hour prior to posting the bulletin, IG sent him a PM about it. Sounds like someone is scrambling for damage control. He also notes this is exactly why he uses watermarks on his videos. Good advice!

EDIT: GotGame has changed "Green Hill Zone footage" to "Game footage". Dolly it up all you want guys, it still doesn't change the fact Bores stole from him.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Silver Surfing a Massive Wave of Absolute Lame

How many times are we going to go over this Bores? You can’t establish a “storyline” and take MONTHS to release the next installment. You need consistency! How many months has it been since the last one? *counts* Seven! You’re going to keep losing fans this way! I know there are people subscribed just for the retro reviews. Your fountain of excuses is running dry, pick up the pace!

Now that I got my usual pacing rant out of the way, what’s he going to talk about this time? *sees title* Silver Surfer. …Oh no. Oh no no no no no no. Are we really doing this again?
Let me talk about the bullshit idea of “reviewer dibs”. Just because someone reviews a game, a movie, an album, whatever, DOES NOT mean that it’s off-limits to everyone else. Anyone can talk about anything. Hell, that’s the whole point of Rotten Tomatoes, different perspectives from various critics. Perspective is key! The issue is when people clearly steal from others, such is the case of Chris Bores.
I don’t like talking about that aspect of his videos, but to this day there are STILL hundreds of comments that still call him an AVGN rip-off. It’s a stigma he will NEVER get rid of, no matter how original he tries to be.
And yet here you are Chris, taking a look at a game that happens to be one of his most popular reviews. Don’t give me that bullshit excuse of “I don’t watch him anymore”, the AVGN’s Silver Surfer episode was from June 2007, and going by your iratefanboy345 videos, you have seen it!
But maybe this is why the episode took so long, he constantly watched the AVGN’s Silver Surfer episode in order to make sure he doesn’t reuse his jokes. We’ll see what happens.

As for the storyline side of things, here’s what’s happened last time.
After pretending the robot army that attacked the city never happened, IG receives a magical sword from a monk (according to his site, that’s what it was). It gives him the ability to turn his shirt red and… play video games better I think. The monk returns to his master as they go on about IG being the Chosen One. Audiences everywhere are rolling their eyes in this sea of clichés.
And now, the continuation.

Bores has been hyping this episode by changing his website and Facebook page to something about the Pixel Demon. Any questions asked by fans were met with “PIXEL DEMON”. He can’t even think of “creepy” stuff to say. Like “There was a reviewer here, he’s gone now” or “The Irate one has gone quiet, soon you shall join him”.

*reads description* He mentions that the show has reached its 5th Year Anniversary. Yeah, last month. I even made a post about it. You probably didn’t even know until Guru Larry reminded you.
He celebrates by reviewing this game, apparently he wanted to review this back in “Season 1” but put it on the backburner. Translation: AVGN reviewed it back in 07 and he was getting flack for stealing from him.
He also brings up the ending will make the long wait worth it. Sounds like this is going to be pain.

0:00 - 1:20: Our video opens with a news report, “Evening News from Johnny Newscaster”. … We’re in trouble already.
Really? That’s the name you came up with? Hell, why stop there? Here’s a young woman that works at Starbucks, her name is Elizabeth Coffeserver. How about this construction worker? He’ll be Jacob Buildingmaker. Are you writing this for five year olds?

Johnny (Bores in another wig) reports on the robot invasion. Oh now you bring it up. Then what was the point of the last episode? Just to introduce the sword?
He reports that the person that orchestrated the attack is… with them. Suddenly the Evil Gamer pops up “by via” satellite. Psst, trace the signal and call the police!
Oh come on! Evil Gamer just revealed his plans to you! Call the FBI or something! He attacked your city with robots!
Then we get a satellite feed with, oh great, Tony… Rockenheimer? Is that even a real name? *Googles* It’s a character from the Flintstones. … Odd, out-of-place reference. Hang on, he had a different last name in the Home Improvement video! Tony Borland. … which happens to be a reference to Home Improvement. Is this going to be Tony’s running joke? He’ll have a different last name from a TV show every time he appears? Because that’s not funny!
Tony is seen broadcasting from a gym. I know you’re trying to establish him as a tough guy, but it’s really not working. He tells the Evil Gamer to watch out and they’re coming for him. EG brushes it off.

Then Devil Bores also shows up, complimenting EG for thinking up a robot army before he did. You know what Voltron is, clearly they must have had an episode with a robot invasion. Then his souffle has finished, continuing to show how lame this version of Satan is.
THEN the Irate Gamer shows up, with Evil Gamer letting out a loud “WHAT?” Heh, that’s actually better than the one the Genie delivered. Take lessons Brad.
IG is seen looking through his shelf of games when he’s interrupted, saying he has nothing to contribute as he’s about to review a game. Johnny is surprised since he has 25 minutes left to fill. How about other news? No, instead Johnny asks if anyone knows show tunes, then Kool-Aid Man appears via satellite with a dusty explosion effect. Uhh, point? Purpose? Hello?

1:21 - 1:46: It cuts to IG who says that he’s going to talk about Silver Surfer. He acknowledges that other people have reviewed this game before. That’s not going to get you off the hook that easily…
But he intends to make it to the end. This almost seems like a way of saying “I’m going to do what that other guy couldn’t”, even though I’ve seen people do what that other guy couldn’t. Specifically LordKat and Aqualung’s Game Reviews. By the way, this game does have a cheat for invincibility. Not even Game Genie, a legit in-game cheat. So I’m going to keep an eye out on that.

He tells that if we don’t like it, we can click off to another channel, prompting the video to switch to some Western show (I feel I should know it, but I don’t). IG comes on screen and tells them to switch back. Making the jokes for me, he’s starting to catch on.

1:47 - 2:16: IG goes through the brief story, then arrives at the stage select screen. He remarks that it reminds him of Mega Man. He mentions the water world, space world, and ghost world. Then yells out that it IS a rip-off of Mega Man. No it’s not! Mega Man is not a Gradius style shoot-em-up. When do you scroll in Mega Man? Or die in one hit from enemy contact? Or just from touching a non-lethal wall? You don’t! And when did Mega Man have a “ghost world”?
Turns out this was all an excuse to have a “joke” where IG shakes his fist at the screen, then Mega Man comes in and does the same. When all else fails, use sprites! Surely this will make people laugh for some reason.
EDIT: Shade Man in Mega Man 7 is considered a ghost world. Thanks to Dorseh for pointing this out.
And Mega Man 4 does have an auto-scrolling stage in Dr. Cossack's castle. Thanks to Justin De Lucia for pointing this out.

2:17 - 2:49: He starts on Possessor’s world (while referencing Bret Hart, another person I‘m sure your fans don‘t know) and attempts to review it. I say attempts as he immediately dies. He tries again and dies again. Letting out a cry of “Gosh damn it!” Are you trying to combine “family friendly” and “curse-laden adult show” into one? You can’t have it both ways! Pick your audience! Same goes with your references *points to Bret Hart above*
He tries a third time and dies a third time. Getting a game over then complaining about no save feature. You just started the game and died three times at the beginning of one stage. You made zero progress, why are you begging for a save feature now?
Then his head explodes. Sweet! Review over! Time to post this.
I find it odd how his neck stump looks like MS Paint.

2:50 - 3:31: Of course not, there’s still over six minutes left.
IG erupts into a rant about the game’s difficulty. The same type of spiel you’ve heard from anyone else that’s talked about this game. Nothing really new. Just him begging for extra health or something. Though I do notice his life count is oddly high. Do I sense Game Genie?
“This game sucks! It blows! And it’s a piece of-” *dies* “SHIT!” So saying “shit” is okay, but don’t you dare take the lord’s name in vain.

3:32 - 4:13: He pauses the game to chart a path. That’s not the Silver Surfer pause sound, that’s the Mario pause sound. Not every game pauses that way Chris *points to E.T. on GBA*.
After charting a path, he tries but dies in one second. He screams and breaks the glass of his camera. I will say, he’s finally living up to his name. He is “Irate”.
He takes out his NES Advantage and heavily abuses the turbo and slow buttons. He says it’s not better as he still loses even in slow-motion. Prompting him to scream in slow-motion. Okay, tone it down now. You don’t have to over-exaggerate every single scream. That was what, three screams in three minutes?

4:14 - 4:56: He goes on about how the controls aren’t much better, especially when it comes to other weapons. He says the B button does nothing while the Select button fires the alternate weapon. That’s actually completely untrue. The B button moves the cannon beneath your board so you can fire at enemies behind you, and the Select button detonates a bomb, something you have a LIMITED supply of. Like in most shoot-em-ups.

He asks if Pablo Picasso designed the controls. Then what I imagine is his attempt at a Picasso type human appears and says “Yes” (oh that’s Pablo himself). IG tells him to “fuck off” and he retorts “You know nothing of my work!” I agree, that looks nothing like a Picasso painting. Hang on, that line sounded like a Family Guy reference.
This joke could have worked had it made sense and you used an actual Picasso painting and not your lame attempt at recreating one.
But he says the weapons don’t matter as one can’t stay alive long enough to use them.

4:57 - 5:51: After yelling “gosh damn it” again (seriously, what the hell?), he tells R.O.B. he wants to see the end of the game, and R.O.B. nods in agreement. I think that scene was just an excuse to show stop-motion, maybe you could shed a couple months off your production time by just having it sit still and talk. Like every other show with a R.O.B. sidekick. Sure it’s cliché, but it’s efficient.

He’s had enough and breaks out the Game Genie. Of course…
He rubs the Game Genie- wait a second. Does this mean? Will we finally see the return of the Genie after three years?! Holy shit!
Come on out Brad Harp! *sees it’s Chris wearing his clothes* WHAT? You couldn’t even get him back?! … I knew it! I knew he would do this! I predicted that Harp wouldn’t work with him again or something similar and that Chris would have to fill in the role. God damn it! I hate it when I’m right!
IG does acknowledge this change, noting he looks different from last time. Wait, you remember him? But didn’t the Aladdin review end with IG and Wise Sage’s memories getting erased? How would he know what he looked like last time? Ugh, I haven’t seen a plot hole this bad since… his MUSCLE review. Once again, Bores clearly doesn’t give a shit about continuity.

So what’s the Genie’s explanation for his different look? He was locked up in there a long time, then “If Doctor Who can do it, I can do it too.” … Excuse me while I go unleash the fury of a thousand Time Lords.
*One hour later*
I think I just turned that blood-stained tree into paper. Why was it stained in blood? *breathes* Okay, I’m calm now. Let’s keep going.

IG asks the Genie to give him infinite lives. He sprinkles dust on him,  but IG tells him the game not him. Clearly IG already has infinite lives, he is the “Chosen One” after all.
The Genie is noticeably smaller than last time, likely due to Bores pulling double duty here again.

5:52 - 7:20: He goes on to describe how each stage is divided into three sections, each ending on a boss. He beats a stage boss, gets a device piece, and “celebrates”. Yet despite blatantly cheating, Bores still complains the game is too hard. It’s kind of hard to take that complaint seriously when you give yourself infinite lives.
He notes that even with Game Genie, you’ll be hit with a constant barrage of death after death after death after death after… this sounds familiar.

He beats all five stages and moves on to the final one, and is shocked to see the villain is Mr. Sinister. I’ll admit that is kind of strange, he’s not a Silver Surfer villain.
But he continues to complain, wondering why this game was made, right up to the final boss and how you don’t even fight Mr. Sinister. Instead, fighting a purple alien with a gun. IG facepalms at this.

The video ends with the final boss walking off-screen (something he does in the game to avoid your shots) when fake text appears on screen saying “Your Next Challenger Awaits!” followed by “The Pixel Demon is Coming”. IG wonders what that is. The Genie hears this and teleports away scared. Hang on, didn’t you have some revenge plan you wanted to enact? The stinger to the Aladdin video seemed to imply that. Did Bores just scrap that? Given how it’s taken three years for that character to reappear, I’m not surprised…

Then R.O.B. flies away and the in-game Silver Surfer sprite flies off-screen. IG wonders what the hell is going on. Then the monk from the last episode shows up. Oooooh, now I see. The monk tells him to use the Inferno Force. Hang on, I know his magical sword is called the “Sword of Inferno” but what’s the Inferno Force? Establish this stuff!
Apparently, the Pixel Demon is locked away in every copy of Silver Surfer, and the game was purposely made impossible so it wouldn’t be released. … That is fucking stupid! This sounds like the worst Creepypasta ever, you’re making “WHO WAS PHONE?” sound dignified!

So IG, I guess, summons the Inferno Force, using lots of a special effects. Something next to him appears as we see the Pixel Demon walk on screen. The thing IG was summoning fully appears and… what is that? *sees him jump on it* Oh it’s a surfboard… oooooh I can see where this is going. This is going to suck.
And we get a full view of the terrifying Pixel Demon! It’s… a green troll looking thing. That’s it? All that hype on your site and Facebook page for that? Bores, you are a connoisseur when it comes to disappointment.
IG goes into the TV (yep, saw it coming), flies through the stages with annoying close-ups of his growling face. He makes it to the Pixel Demon, it says it can’t be stopped, IG takes out a Bob-omb and kills it in one shot. Then he escapes with explosions around him, gets out of the TV, and… it’s over. What? That’s it? That was lame! Good lord. For someone that complains about shitty video game endings, you’re no better at it.
Oh but wait, there’s a stinger. The Pixel Demon survived and leaves the TV. I’m sorry, but is this thing supposed to be a threat? It did nothing! It showed up and IG hit it with a bomb. Bores, you have the lamest villains ever! You make the villains from Rainbow Brite look like a legitimate threat!

So that was… pain.
First the review part. The entire thing was “this is too hard blah blah blah” when it wasn’t making stupid claims about it being a Mega Man rip-off just because of the stage select or the misinformation on the controls. The same stuff we’ve heard from other people. Hell, one part was even lifted from that other guy. The one I heard just finished shooting a movie in LA.
Overall, as weak as uaual.

The story part was an utter joke. What’s sad is that the concept of the Pixel Demon has worked before, in countless Creepypasta tales. Read the Haunted Majora‘s Mask Cartridge, or Pokemon Lost Silver, or the NES Godzilla Creepypasta. All told a better story about a possessed cartridge than this! They had much more credible threats too, like that goddamn Elegy of Emptiness statue.
This only goes to show Bores utterly fails as a storyteller. The Pixel Demon sucks! If only he took all the time he spent on those effects and invested it in writing. And what was the point of the beginning part with ... Johnny Newscaster. Urgh.
Also, I'm very disappointed that you took up the role of the Genie. Sure the original was a terrible actor, but he was something different! It wasn't just you wearing a mask or a wig.

*lies back* So that’s that. What’s next? Well, E3 is next week. Bores is, sadly, confirmed to be going. I imagine his videos would go up a good week after the event ends. Until then everyone.

EDIT: blueluigi went through the Internet Archive and found this.
I remember hearing that he had announced reviews of Silver Surfer and Superman, but took them down rather quickly so I never got to see that. Thanks blueluigi
On Facebook, Bores told someone he'll eventually get to Superman after a few other things. Oh joy...
Also, the rip-off accusations have started flaring up on his page. Prompting Bores to say that the "Evil Gamer sent his cronies again" ... Don't blame the massive amount of criticism you get on a character you created. It only shows how massive your ego is, and that you refuse to listen to ANYONE but yourself and your mother.

By the way, does anyone know how I can get in touch with Brad Harp? I'm curious as to why he didn't reprise his role as the Genie.   

Thursday, May 24, 2012

IG is Back with the Men in Black... 3 Review

Well well well, look who has decided to show up after a month of nothing. Weekly videos my ass.
No, it's not the new IG episode, he says that will be out this weekend. *prepares the protective armor* Bring it on!

Instead, we're treated to a review of Men in Black 3. Yeah I'm surprised too, I thought his movie reviews were dead, especially when he didn't do his Top Ten list.
"But wait, MIB3 doesn't come out until tomorrow" He actually has a reason, he got an early screening.No objections here.

The review itself though is pretty bad. Right off the bat you can tell he didn't see the first two movies as he said he "didn't know what to expect". Then he describes it as a "type of time travel movie" while telling us why Agent J has to go back in time. Or to put it in familiar terms, "Men in Black 3 is one of those time travel movies. Lost in the ocean of time travel movies."
He also says not to expect something on the same caliber as The Avengers. Why the FUCK would you compare this to The Avengers? The two are completely different genres! Just because they're both based on comic books doesn't mean they're the same! Bores continues to show us he is the "master of comparisons". Just like how Skylanders is like God of War.
Why not compare it to the first two movies? There's a reason it's called Men in Black THREE! This continues to show he didn't see the first two, which makes me wonder why he would go to a pre-screening in the first place.

That's really all I have to say about this video. It's barely two minutes long and it's no different from his other movie reviews. I just made this post so I can have something new. So if he's right about his new episode coming this weekend, then grab some whiskey and get ready. The Pixel Demon is coming... whatever that means.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Guru Larry Presents "Six Ways the Irate Gamer Can Improve"

And now for something completely different. Larry Bundy Jr (Guru Larry) has been creating reviews for years. Even back on a short-lived UK television channel. He's been in touch with countless other reviewers. Including the Irate Gamer. While he is friendly with him, he knows he has a massive number of problems.

Larry asked if he could an article showcasing things IG can do to improve his image. I said "sure".
Here is is, Guru Larry's Six Ways the Irate Gamer Can Improve. To differentiate from me, his article will be in blue text.

It’s amazing how quickly five years can pass on the web, we’ve seen eCelebs rise and fall,  get their own TV shows and movies,  even spew out official merchandise from faceless corporations.
…And yet, in all these years, Chris has not changed in the slightest, aside from producing less and less content as time goes on.

So you’re obviously asking yourself.  Do I hate the Irate Gamer?  And the answer is a strong, resounding No.  Absolutely not...  Since he entered our lives that warm April day of 2007, I can safely say that pound for pound I’ve found Chris far more entertaining than anything the James Rolfe has ever produced,  more than a lot of “angry reviewers”.

I’ve spoken to Chris many many times over the years and he’s always been extremely polite, pleasant and friendly to me.   And I always ignored internal politics, (Aside from Wez, I was the only member of ScrewAttack not giving him shit over the whole AVGN ordeal and would openly talk with him) and the opinions of others.
I do honestly like Chris and I want him to succeed!

So as we pass the fifth anniversary of his YouTube channel and his unexpected rise into power,  one can’t help thinking if he were start over again this year,  what pitfalls could Chris have avoided to become a stronger, more popular and ultimately more respected eCeleb in the community and more so,  what lessons have we learned that could still bring him to this level?
(Then again if he started this year, he’d probably be doing frickin’ zero effort Minecraft Let’s Plays)

So, without further ado,  I give you my six ways the Irate Gamer can improve…

1. Research Your Subject!
I’ll start with the obvious (and paramount) area first of all…

The information you write into your video sucks,   I’m sorry, but it’s true!  No matter how much you bury your head in the sand and deny it, or accuse people of being stupid/trolls for contradicting you, the lack of factual information in your videos was, and always is your biggest downfall.  Your level of accuracy borders on parody.   It’s long since replaced your stigma of being an “AVGN rip off”.
I mean, if the father of video games, Ralph Baer, himself calls you an idiot for your lacklustre research, you know…  It may be a hint to actually do some!!!

So, how can you improve?  Simple, just research as much as you possibly can before putting pen to paper,  erm, finger to keyboard.  You are a “journalist” after all!   Don’t just half ass information into scripts and then fill in the blanks with your imagination, like you currently do.
As Sherlock Holmes once said: “It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit fact”

Also, Wikipedia is not your enemy Chris, whilst some may scoff at its information, a lot of it IS notable and backed up with credible references to various official websites, books,  newspaper/magazine articles or videos Etc. if you require further proof. This is where the art of cross-referencing comes to play!  I.E. lots of research.
And even after that, you’re still adamant of avoiding Wikipedia,  there’s always Moby Games (the IMDB of video games),  GamesPress, a trade site with information supplied by the publishers themselves and excellently resourced retro game sites such as Hardcore Gaming 101.
There’s a whole world of sourcable information out there on the interwebs Chris, you just need to put the effort in to find it!

2.  Stop Ostracising Yourself

This seems to be an area only I’ve really noticed over the years, but it has always been a major issue.
Chris has always ostracised himself from the video gaming community and YouTube in general.  He’s never once involved himself in forums, discussions, livestreams Etc.   He’s never once even made a Q&A to engage with his fans.
And aside from that Robocop review with Nick Huggett (SWAG) (which he then re-made MINUS Swag) he’s never once had a cross-over or cameo in a video. And that feels incredibly alien coming from someone who works on TGWTG ;D
 “What The Buck” doesn’t count,  (This plays with your irrelevancy you constantly pander to which I’ll go into later) What on earth made you think it would be a good idea to have a cameo from him?  He has as much gaming appeal to your audience as you do to fans of effeminate males who make bitchy remarks about third rate Hollywood celebrities.

A cross over video with another member of the online gaming community would give untold benefit to your reputation AND give you a new audience, far more stable than running competitions ever will (which I’ll also go into later).  Not everyone out there hates you Chris, and I know some would love to help you out.  Just don’t forget to credit them!
Of course, one might say he’s just alienated because of the vindication from the gaming community and twats on the radio, but if you’re not prepared to bite the bullet and speak to others, then nothing is ever going to change.

3.  Be Consistent with New Content…

Consistency is a MAJOR factor for any “eCeleb” on the internet, no matter what their subject/genre.  A fanbase enjoys  a routine where they can regularly check out their favourite show on a particular day of the week/month.   Being sporadic with videos, uploading when you feel like, will only stagnate your subscribers at best, lose them at the worst.   Look at what may be considered some of the more popular eCelebs, such as the Nostalgia Critic or Yahtzee,  they release new shows on a weekly basis, and the AVGN would (until recently) publish monthly.

It is understandable that some videos may take longer than a week for you to produce, so the way around that is to stockpile a bunch of videos and then release them as seasons,  kind of like how TV shows work. (also how story arcs are supposed to work).
You need to remember this isn’t 2007 anymore.  There is an infinitely larger amount of competition for your subscribers out there now and if you’re not prepared to put the effort in to provide sustainable content for them, someone else is more than willing to.

4.  Set in Stone Who your Target Audience Is...

You seem highly self-contradicting on who you want your videos to appeal to Chris,  you want to appeal to a younger/family audience by removing all swearing, and in the next video you’re “Effing” and “Blinding” again, instantly driving away that new audience you built.  So decide who you want the show for once and for all.  Again, it’s consistency.
Also choosing an age demographic isn’t solely about the language you use in a video,  but also in regards to chrono-cultural references.   Chances are the majority of the kids watching your show have no idea who the Hell Steve Urkel is as they weren’t alive in the 90’s,  (Hell,  even I didn’t know until recently and my only reference was “he did the original voice of Sonic” – But that’s regional cultural, rather than age).  So stick to references that people you’re targeting will know, instantly making the joke understandable and in-turn “funny”.

Also stop with the “random access humor” as Chris chan would put it.  If you’re going to include a joke, make it relevant to the subject.   For instance, How the fuck is randomly placing Hamburgular into the Robocop 2 review supposed to be funny???  Saying or adding something completely unrelated isn’t humorous, it just makes you look like a ‘tard.
Rubber Monkey Tuesday Cheesecake.    Was that funny then?  No.  So don’t.

5. Stop with the Competitions!!!

Seriously stop with the constant competitions!
Creating competitions as an enticement for new subscribers (which require a subscription as part of the qualification to enter) is ultimately a fruitless endeavour for ANY channel, because as soon as the competition is over, a huge chunk will un-subscribe from you.
On top of that, your competitions are so common and expectant, Most of your video comments consist of “PICK ME” regardless of the context,  and the actual “proper” shows that you want people to watch have terrible views because of so.
TL;DR The majority of your viewers are fickle fuckers whom only sub to you in hope of free stuff. 

It could also be a possible reason for your sudden loss of subs recently too, you were offering PS3s and iPods in the early days, impressive prizes.  But now you’re essentially offering junk in comparison, (home burnt DVDs and Mouse Pads (Mats)), which aren’t even worth the effort of typing in “PICK ME” to, so they’ll un-sub.
…And that’s for the people who AREN’T aware Mommy picks only the most loyal of fans to be bestowed your redundant homemade merchandise, making the competitions pointless to enter in the first place (a competition is derived from either luck or skill – NEVER loyalty, Loyalty is a Reward scheme).  So unless it’s a one off with a prize of a decent monetary value AND you’ll judge fairly and without prejudice.   Then stop.

6. Take Advantage of your Successes

Finally, this sort of relates to you again and your ineptitude of engaging your audience, but you really need to brand yourself better.
For starters,  you ARE the Irate Gamer,  so foremost you should prioritise and make Irate Gamer episodes above all else.  I Rate the 80’s,   History of Video Games, Haunted Investegations and Irate Gamer Neo are fun little excursions, but they shouldn’t be made in a way that will sacrifice production of your flagship show.
Your cast of characters also need to be streamlined, though you’ve managed to do that practically with The Wise Sage and Scottie due to your excellent ability of retaining friendships,  but characters like Wilson (or whatever you call him this week), Goro, Kool Aid Man, ROB the robot Etc (aside from you not owning the rights to them) should be one off characters,  not regulars. 

The Evil Gamer is crap, it’s just a slightly more energetic version of you in a wig. No personality,  He is hardly a villain when the Irate Gamer comes across as a bigger dick than him.
Shadow Overlord is also stupid, it’s obvious that the character had very little effort involved to any actual character design as it’s blatantly just you in silhouette doing a shit Arnold Schwarzenegger impression.  The “story ark” has been going on for so long because of your sporadic episodes, I couldn’t care less whom he reveals himself to be.   But I doubt we’ll ever see that as you’ve painted yourself into a corner with him.
And Tony Lawler, who looks like they were once just a “chibi” version of you, is just a one dimensional character (no pun intended) who is totally unlikeable do to only ever being able to show one emotion, aggression.  Again, he should have just been a one off character for your M.U.S.C.L.E. review.
Your best characters in my opinion are Ronnie the Skeleton, Cousin Joey and to a lesser extent Satan,  who really should be the antagonist of the show (rather than the Evil Gamer, Shadow Overlord or that Odyssey in a gimp suit)  and not your only friend who takes you out drinking as he’s evolved himself to be.
Finally, Your “catchphrase”  “…Game On” isn’t catchy and ultimately nonsensical, whereas one line you said catapulted you to Meme status (Bores and Doors) but never capitalised on the line every picked up on  “…Ya Thuink?”  Possibly because of my case in the second point,  you never engage your audience.

So that’s my list of six ways Chris could improve himself.  I highly doubt he’ll ever read this article and given the slim chance that he does, he’ll most likely be so set in his ways, he’ll assume I’m completely wrong and everything he does is the pinnacle of perfection.  
But if my advice has landed on deaf ears, as least take this into account Chris… having a large fanbase is a privilege, not a right.  YouTube gave you one hell of a foot in the door when they promoted you back in ’07 (if they had given that same gift to the likes of Armake21, UrinatingTree, Eebeto, Jedite1 or PlayItBogart who knows? they could have a million plus subs today instead of sadly fading into obscurity)   please don’t squander it any more than you have done.

If this was a video,  I’d end it with Hall and Oates,  “You’re Out of Touch” as the closing theme :D

Thank you very much Larry. You can see more of Guru Larry at TGWTG/Blistered Thumbs and his YouTube channel here.
Hopefully Chris will listen to someone who isn't constantly saying "everything you know is wrong".

So where has Bores been? According to my Facebook informant, he was sick... again. People are getting suspicious that he's faking it to get out of making videos. I won't agree or disagree with this accusation.