Wednesday, November 28, 2012

An HD Shine Can't Hide This Historically Rotten Writing

… I wasn’t going to cover this. I thought I didn’t need to after the first HD revision. I was soooooo wrong.

For those that don‘t know, Chris Bores had this desire to revise his early History of Videos Games episodes in HD. His reason? Putting it on a DVD/Blu-Ray. Look, if you put out a DVD titled “History of Video Games” and it doesn’t even cover the Atari 2600, people are going to feel ripped off. They can possibly sue you for false advertising.
Sure, you can argue only fans will buy it, but there’s the chance that someone who doesn’t know who he is will buy it. Not only will they feel cheated, they’ll get this horribly unfunny and incredibly inaccurate DVD that seems to care more for silly jokes than actual information. Chris, quit pretending this is a fucking documentary. Why do you think nobody takes you seriously?
Also, what’s the point? You could invest that time in something else. Like finishing your stupid story arc, or doing further episodes of this pointless documentary. It’s a waste.

The reason I wasn’t going to cover it isn’t that I didn’t want to, it’s that I thought I didn’t need to. Last year, he released Part 1 in HD, and there were very very very few changes. He wore a different shirt in one scene, the timing on the “How come this stuff never happens to Captain Kirk” joke was a little less awkward (still wasn’t funny) and he took out the harsher profanity (“Holy fireballs of shit” became “Holy fireballs of crap” and “64? What the fuck?” was reduced to just “64?”). Other than that, the video was virtually unchanged, it was even the same length.

So, 20 months later, when he announced that the HD version of Part 2 was coming out, I brushed it off with no plans to do it. However, I noticed it was much shorter than the original version. Where the original was around 11 minutes long, this revision is only 7 minutes. That’s good right?
Well… the shorter length comes with a massive price. The video is waaaaay worse than the original. It takes the massive problems with the original and magnifies them tenfold. This… is not going to go well.

Before I start, what was wrong with the original? Unsurprisingly, there was plenty of research failure. It was so bad that the Odyssey’s creator, Ralph Baer, called him out on it ( The review part was unbelievably botched, he spent the entire time comparing the 1970s console to modern standards, something NOBODY would do because that’s just plain idiotic. He included a story bit where the second player was the HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey (Get it? Because both are called Odyssey? SO CLEVER!). Somehow it would tie into his Season 4 story arc, confusing people into wondering if History of Video Games was a separate series or not. Then there was the awful jokes, like Bores going to space to get a part from a Jawa action figure, or the dirty flash cards. It’s definitely a contender for worst History of Video Games episode (that or Part 4).

An optimist would think that this would be a good time for Bores to fix all the problems. … Let’s get started. If you want more info, check out the original post here:

0:05 - 0:35:On the bright side, he didn’t include the “For over 35 years…” intro like the original.
He goes over the history bits, though this feels much more condensed before. He did add a lot of his modern stock footage, only it’s in black and white. He also put his Odyssey in a briefcase to represent Baer showing it off.

0:36 - 1:39: He describes what the Odyssey comes with (thankfully, he removed that “crude in design” remark) and gets to the part where he learns the video cable isn’t compatible with his TV.
“What the fuck is this?” Looks like the profanity is staying. Why he changed it for the first HD revision I don’t know. I’d say “family-friendly” but I’m doubting that at this point.
“Instead of a video cable that looks like this, or this, you end up with this!” Looks like he still doesn’t realize that something that’s 40 years old won’t work on modern televisions. He did remove the “what an ass-biter” line so I guess some profanity is gone.
More complaining about outdated cables then he looks in his “Intergalactic Phone Book” to find the part. Except here, he showed that he already has the part. So why does he need to do this upcoming bit?
I do find it funny how an “Intergalactic Phone Book” is about the size of a Sandusky, Ohio phone book.

Then it cuts to “half-way across the galaxy” and… a really pointless addition. We see IG in a vector-drawn spaceship. I think that’s meant to be the ship from “Spacewar” as it’s the same model shown in his Part 1 title card. By the way Chris, if this is intended for the DVD, you can’t have that John Williams music.
He lands on Tatoonie (and I’m convinced that planet from before was also from Star Wars, good luck dealing with Disney) and meets with the Jawa action figure. Again, you have the part, you didn’t need to do this bit. Hell, you didn’t need to do this bit the first time. It just feels like you did a Star Wars reference for the sake of doing a Star Wars reference. At least with HAL I can kind-of sort-of see why you put him in, but this… never made sense.
“Yeah, I don’t know what the hell they were thinking of either” … I’ll tell what the hell they were thinking of. They were thinking “Say, what do most televisions have, and how can we get our toy to properly function?” What’s that? They dare not take into account someone playing it 40 years in the future? Well no shit! They didn’t consider that video games would be what they are now, they didn’t plan ahead because they saw no reason to.

After that pointlessness, we get another new addition, this time IG crashes his ship into his ceiling and falls out. A fitting metaphor for this video.
He then hooks up his Odyssey… wait a second. That looks different from the cables he used last time. *checks* It is! Last time he used an RF cable, which wouldn’t work with the Odyssey. Here he uses the proper one. So… what was the footage he had last time?

1:40 - 1:56: “Here’s a fast fact” Something about that line just irritates me. I think it’s because it reminds me of those really cheesy educational shorts they would show you in school with the kids that couldn’t act and the adults with scenery in their teeth.
He then says his incorrect fact about the game being in the Odyssey rather than the cards.

1:57 - 2:54: He brings up how the Odyssey turns on when you plug a card into it. Then… dramatic music starts playing for some reason. Umm, why? Does he know HAL is on it and doesn’t want to get hurt? Because that wouldn’t make sense from a continuity standpoint.
“LET THERE BE LIFE” … It’s a toy. A really old toy. There’s no life in it. Unless you meant to say “light”. If you did… second takes are your friend. Unless… crap he’s doing the HAL thing again isn’t he?
Yes he is, because bad electric effects cover his Odyssey and go into his TV.
“Hello Dave” *sighs* You know, I’m fairly certain HAL can say other names outside of David Bowman’s. He’s supposed to be an ultra-intelligent computer, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to call everyone “Dave”. But it only goes to show what a hack Chris really is, and that he’s probably never actually seen 2001. Or if he has, he didn’t get through it.

By the way, his HAL impression somehow got worse. No idea how that happened.
Oh, and he tries to justify this bad plot device by saying he has a “SUPER-RARE” Odyssey. Yeah, if you’re trying to be a “serious” documentary, it’s best not to make up shit like this.
Blah blah blah, HAL will be his opponent. He moves to the first game “Table Tennis” (or Tabletop Tennis as he calls it but whatever).

2:55 - 3:31: I don’t know what it is, but this footage looks kind of fake. Might just be my imagination.
He goes over the controls, and notes how one of the knobs puts a little spin into the ball. Then a bad joke where he spins it “right out of the game”. Just because you can do effects, doesn’t mean you should. Most of his jokes seem to rely on “Look what I can do with After Effects!”
Blah blah blah glitches.

3:32 - 4:04: He gets into the overlays, brings up the Hockey and Football games (the latter he didn’t mention last time) and then begins reviewing Skiing game. Not much here.

4:05 - 4:33: He explains the game, but then says you’ll likely die of boredom before finishing it. Showing him falling over “dead”. Then he goes on to compare the game… Candyland. What? How? Because of the trees. *looks at the Candyland board (* What the fuck are you seeing? He specifically mentions Peppermint Forest and Gumdrop Mountains, but those are pink candy canes and bright-colored gumdrops. Not. Green. Trees.
In fact, that mountain has a Triforce in it. Wasted Zelda reference!
“I thought this was supposed to be a video game, not a board game”. Video games did not exist in 1972, think of the Odyssey more as a board game that’s played on a TV. Oh wait, you can’t because you’re too ignorant to put yourself in the right mindset.
Then to further establish this is revision, he does one of his “character slides in from his right (our left)” jokes. This time it’s Mr. Mint from Candyland, and wow that’s an ugly drawing. Maybe you shouldn’t have burned DatBoiDrew that badly.

4:34 - 5:08: He moves onto Simon Says, and proceeds to do the same dreadful joke he did last time.
“Simon says penis?” It still bugs me how much time and effort he took for those cards just for this awful, awful joke. Why? Why not put that time in something worthwhile? Instead you waste it creating adult-themed flashcards for a game that’s intended for kids. What the fuck man?
This time he doesn’t say “masturbation hand”, and throws the cards in the air after seeing “vagina”.

5:09 - 5:39: He starts talking about the Roulette game, and does things differently here. This time he uses the chips on the board to make bets. He loses the first one and decides to put everything on a second bet. He pushes the button and lands on 6.
“Nine?!” … What? Are you kidding me?
“There’s not even a 9 on the damn board!” Oh God… you seriously made the same mistake. What is wrong with you?
No, this is not a joke. Despite his claim, this is clearly not a joke! This just makes him look like a complete moron! I’ll admit, I’m terrible at math, but even I can tell the difference between a 6 and a 9!
And to make this worse, the first number he landed on was 18, which is right next to the 6, and he even calls out “18”. How… what… aksld;fjasl;kdjsadfkl;fl;
Please, explain to me how THIS is a joke! Because I don’t see it! Gaaaah!

5:39 - 6:40: He brushes aside a few games that got more attention in the original video, then plays the States game so he can yell at Magnavox for thinking this could be fun. Oh man, it’s almost over!
He goes over additional games that were sold separately and how they use board games combined with the screen. He calls them too complicated, then a scene of HAL talking. You know, I remember him being excited about the all new games he had for this. Figures they would only get 5 seconds of screen time.

The video ends with IG bringing the Odyssey Light Rifle. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. There was a second part to this, a Part 2B. This one going over the Light Rifle. I have a feeling he did that to make himself look better than the AVGN, who didn’t cover it in his Odyssey video. For all I care, he could take another 20 months to make the HD revision of that.

It’s… astonishing. Bores somehow made a video worse than the original. I’m just baffled by this. He claims on Facebook that in the original the “flow” didn’t feel right. There’s no flow to be had, especially when you do cutaway gags ALL THE TIME, or spend a minute pretending to be a bunch of horses. That is, if he’s claiming each part is supposed to transition to the next like a real documentary. Either way… he’s a hack and this video just annoyed the hell out of me.

Well, it’s almost December. Think he’ll do anything worthwhile, or will this be the last video of the year outside of some rushed Neo videos and contests. The latter sounds more likely knowing him.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Redux Recap: Dull Review of Harvey Birdman's Ace Attorney Game? I'll Take the Case!

… You know, it’s been a while since Bores has done anything worth covering. Last video he made was a contest, and he says his next video will be an HD revision of History of Video Games Part 2 (which I’ve already covered when the original came out in 2009). I should dust off another old video and do a redux recap.

Last time I did his E.T. video. So… movie review, movie review, ah here we go. Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law. I barely remember anything about this review. Let’s roll.

Intro: Man, I forgot about this intro. Wonder why Bores abandoned it for the shorter one that just shows his logo. Maybe he was too lazy to keep adding games to it?

0:18 - 0:35: We open on IG holding the game and giving a look that I think was supposed to be excitement, but comes off as incredibly dopey. Mouth hanging open like it‘s waiting for flies.
He mentions that Harvey Birdman is one of his favorite Adult Swim shows, and that’s because of the dry humor. He then claims that his show is mostly composed of dry humor. … I don’t think you know what dry humor is Chris, because it’s certainly not you! Your show is more nonsensical and surreal, and not in a good way. You rely on cutaways or references, that’s not dry humor.

And to show an example of this, he’s watching his Q*Bert review on TV and shows the “What do think this is, an Escher painting” joke. See, that’s more observational humor, not dry humor.
IG laughs at his own joke, then claims he doesn’t get it. I get it, but if he wants the answer, he’ll have to pay me for it.

0:35 - 0:59: IG brings up it’s based on the cartoon and that it’s set up the same way. But then retracts that and says it’s more like “Law & Order on acid”. I was thinking the Ace Attorney series but I doubt you know what that is.
He then explains the gameplay, which is very much like Ace Attorney. You go through dialogue/animated cutscenes until you’re prompted to enter a command. While the game was developed by High Voltage Software (people behind The Conduit), it was published by Capcom America. So excuse my many Ace Attorney comparisons.

1:00 - 1:28: He brings up that he wondered how they would get all these characters into the game, but realizes Hanna-Barbara owns the licenses to them. Well, it’s more Williams Street than Hanna-Barbara. Plus, considering the game has the more obscure characters like Secret Squirrel and Inch-High Private Eye, it’s likely they got the cheaper ones. Certainly wouldn’t see the Dabba Don in this game.

IG then begins listing off the characters that appear in the game.
“Harvey, Peanut, X, Vulturo, Reducto” Stop! That’s not Reducto, that’s Freezoid. This is Reducto ( and this is Freezoid (
They don’t even look similar. For someone that claims to be a fan of the show, this is a rather massive mistake to make. Especially when Reducto has appeared in more episodes (from what I remember).
“The goofy hippo thing” That’s Peter Potamus.
“The slut” That’s Gigi. Come on, take the time to learn the character’s names if you claim to be such a fan. I know the show was finished by the time he made the review, but that’s not an excuse.

He also points out that the snowman from Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer shows up, then realizes it’s not him. Okay, then who is it? I don’t know, he just leaves this joke hanging and never follows up on it for the rest of the review.
Also, note that he says “Rudolf the Red-Noised Reindeer show”, like it’s an actual series and not a handful of TV specials. That would be like calling The Day After or Duel “TV shows”.

1:29 - 1:49: He explains a little bit more of the game, going on about how you have to solve the case.
It cuts back to him and he deduces it was… Professor Plum with the wrench in the game room. That’s the wrong game dumbass! This isn’t Clue, it’s nothing like Clue.
Oh wait, seems there‘s a reason he made that comment. Bores appears dressed as Professor Plum, lets out a cliché “curses, foiled again” and runs off. Christopher Lloyd you are not.
Also, there isn’t even a game room in Clue.  The closest is the billiard room.

1:49 - 2:24: More explanation. Going on about how there’s strategy involved (REALLY?) and you only have 5 chances. Then he makes another ultra-obvious comment about the game getting harder in later cases, and to pay attention to details.
He then shows a scene of Harvey unzipping his fly and Inch-High Private Eye popping out. Leading Bores to widen his eyes in… something. Shock? Surprise? Exhaustion?

2:25 - End: IG says the downside is that it gets boring, as outside the courtroom you go around collecting evidence and talking to people. He claims it gets boring after 20 minutes. Yeah he wouldn’t last 5 minutes in Ace Attorney.
He says it’s for fans of the show and the video ends.

I’m starting remember why I forgot about this review, it’s just 3 minutes of nothing. The review part is really dull, even though it has quite a few errors. The only stand-out part was that lame Professor Plum bit, and that didn’t make a lick of sense. Also, it showed us that Bores has no idea what dry humor is.

I apologize for the weak redux, but it was a weak video. Next one should be a lot better *checks* Oh yeah, it will be a lot better.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

"In-Depth" Skylanders Giants, Except He Confused "In-Depth" with "Padding"

Man oh man, Bores has been hyping the fuck out of this game. Five videos previewing it with Bores gushing over how great it is. Halo 4? Assassin’s Creed III? Dishonored? Wii U? FUCK THAT! Real gamers overhype Skylanders Giants!
Yeah, his Skylanders obsession has gotten annoying. I didn’t even bother to cover the many videos he made as I found them pointless. But you know why he made them? They got him views. At the time of this post, his first preview video has over 392k views. His Silver Surfer review only has 122k. None of his E3 2012 videos managed to break 100k, except for the Skylanders Giants one, managing to get 243k. His video about the full roster is his most viewed video of the year with over 400k views.

And so his review of the full game is here. Clocking in at 6:18, it’s his second longest Neo review to date, and his longest Neo review of a single game. The 3-in-1 was 6:21. To let us know it’s “serious”, he even titles the review with “in-depth”. Yeah, I don’t know how much “in-depth” you can get out of “Gauntlet for kids”.
Also, the video was posted on YouTube instead of GotGame. Since Skylanders = Views, and Views = Money and… yeah you get it.

0:01 - 0:15: Instead of starting off with the Neo intro, we get IG with a desk full of Skylanders saying he knows people have been waiting for this review, and then the Neo intro.

0:16 - 1:59: IG goes over various improvements from the first game and… he’s actually doing a competent job. Why can’t he do this for every other game? What makes Skylanders so special?
Even though most of it is gushing over the graphics, yes it’s still an Irate Gamer video.
He brings up how the Skylanders speak English now, but is annoyed that a couple of characters no longer speak in gibberish. *looks around* Nope, I see not one fuck given about that.
He brings up the graphics again, then says it looks “too good” and misses the “grittiness” of the original. That wasn’t a style choice, that was probably a limitation. Since the first game was a hit, they were given a lot more to work with, and a lot more polish.

2:00 - 3:48: He moves to the figures because they’re a “major part of this franchise”. Well no shit, considering that the game only works if you have the figures!
Most of this is complaining about the Giants, how they’re too slow and hopes they don’t use this “gimmick” again. Stop calling everything a gimmick! I don’t think you know what that word means, along with “well-deserved”.
He mentions he rarely plays with them. So why complain?
Oh, because he gets into how he stores his figures. WHO THE FUCK CARES? Oh, apparently the fans do because he brings up that they asked how he stores them. Nobody was asking that, quit lying. Then he shows how he stores by element. In-depth my ass, this has turned to padding at this point! His problem with the Giants is they don’t fit in his box. *sighs* Does this go anywhere?
He says the new smaller Skylanders are good and my apathy continues to grow.

3:49 - 4:22: He gets into the various characters, noting the NPCs from the first game returned and that George Takei has a role, prompting an “Oh My”. Uggh, don’t do that again Bores. You don’t have the voice for Takei.
He mentions a couple other celebrity voice actors, both very C-List.

4:23 - 5:18: He moves to the accessories. They work.
The unlockable stages also work, but only received graphical upgrades
The old figures work and… this is getting tedious.
The Skylanders sidekicks work, but he complains about this icon in the bottom of the screen they have. That looks like such a non-issue that… Bores is just reaching at this point.
He complains there’s no cut scenes with the Skylanders interacting with each other. Well that makes sense since the game is reliant on you buying the figures. Just wait for the possible animated series that will probably happen. I don’t know, I really don’t care.

He moves to the final verdict. Finally!
Blah blah if you like Skylanders you’ll love this…
He brings up he has fun playing this with younger kids. Where the fuck are you playing this with younger kids? That’s just… creepy. Especially since you don’t have children!
He complains about scalpers, disagrees with fans about there being “too many characters”. Well, those fans were probably referring to the Series 2 figures, the repurposed characters from the first game.
He tells Activision to keep the character count “low” for the third game (HAHAHA No, there’s gold in them children’s pockets so why do that?)
He says his stupid catchphrase, then recycles that sketch from the first Skylanders video where he appears in the game. Lazy.

So that was… ehhhhh. There’s a lot of other things he could have mentioned like the ability to go through both upgrade paths, or how there’s a super move, or how the level cap has been raised or how his complaint about difficulty in the first game has been remedied with selectable difficulty levels (reading all this from articles I found). That way it would have really been in-depth. A lot of this felt like padding, especially the part about storing his figures. However, the biggest problem isn’t so easily seen. Why doesn’t have this attention to other games? People would give him less shit if this is how he reviewed games, not “play for an hour and consider that good enough”. Not “steal footage from other YouTube users and try to pass it off as my own”. Not “rush out a 2 minute review to make the release date of a new game”. What makes Skylanders so special? Is it the fact that it’s easy? I don’t understand!

*sighs* Whatever, I’m done.

Friday, November 9, 2012

He Did It Again! Bores Strokes His Ego Over Making "300" Videos

It's been a while since we've seen Bores congratulate himself over doing so very little. So we were due for some ego stroking, and what better than for Bores to celebrate 300 overall videos. No, this isn't 300 episodes of a specific series, this is celebrating putting 300 videos up on YouTube.
*sighs* Chris, you shouldn't celebrate the quantity of videos. You should celebrate the quantity of actual episodes you made. In fact, let me count the actual episodes. Two-parters released the same day count as one, two-parters released separately count as two.
*counts* Wow, 32 Irate Gamer episodes. That's not counting his "mini-sodes" like Top 5 NES games or Retro Mini, or the History of Video Games series. After five plus years you still haven't made it 50 episodes.
You know what these are other videos are? Lazy Neo reviews, contests, unboxing Skylanders, and a shit-ton of E3. A good number of the last 100 videos involve you turning on the camera and talking to it for a minute. That's not getting into videos you deleted or never uploaded to YouTube (like the Sonic Generations review that will serve as an eternal testament to your laziness).

So what's in the 300th video?
He starts by thanking his fans (what's left of them) and going over how he started. He claims he started out a parody of other video game reviewers. Bullshit! If it was a parody, you wouldn't claim you put your blood, sweat and tears into an angel/devil effect in one episode. It's the same excuse Game Dude used when people called him out for making bad videos or stealing material. Look up "parody retcon".

He moves on to mentioning the sale he's having on his merch to celebrate his 5th anniversary. Kind of strange that took him months after the actual anniversary to do this. Also, his site mentions that "once the item is gone, it's gone". I don't think this is so much a celebration sale as it is a "everything must go" sale.

The rest of the video sounds like a giant update. Oh this ought to be good. Take us there pointless transition effect!
He mentions that his fans know about his "rotation". What rotation? You've never given a clear "rotation" of how you work!
He says the next video will be an HD revision of the second episode on the Magnavox Odyssey. Since I'm sure people were clamoring for that stupidity to get re-released. For those that don't remember, he re-released Part 1 in HD a while ago. The only differences were less awkward timing on a couple scenes, a change of wardrobe, and the removal of cursing. Apparently it needs to be "family fucking friendly"
Oh but he claims there will be new material. Don't care, not going to cover it when he releases it, already suffered through it back in 2009.
After that, he mentions Part 6 and he's getting closer to his favorites like Galaga and Dig Dug. Oh yeah, I'm sure they're your actual favorites and you're not just saying that to make yourself come off as a hardcore gamer. *rolls eyes*

Next is I Poorly Explain the 80s. He says he has 4-5 episodes planned, including a two-parter *readies beer* and... a DVD. *headdesk* Bad idea, very very bad idea. Especially if he doesn't alter the footage on the He-Man or Kinnikuman videos. Mattel and Toei would end his ass. Really, I imagine the only people that would buy that are the dumb kids that try to make me look bad. Say, what happened to Charlie? Did his parents finally take away his internet privileges?

Onto the regular Irate Gamer show. He says that storyline he's doing only has 1 or 2 episodes left. THANK FUCKING GOD! Holy shit that storyline has been absolute pain on every level. After he finishes he'll move back to regular episodes. So we'll have more stupidity like the Aladdin review? We shall see.

He moves onto the Paranormal stuff and that's where I skip ahead. He shows a random clip from his X-Men review and the video ends.

Once again, it's not about the quantity of overall videos. It's about the quantity and quality of the actual episodes you put forward. You can't count all these stupid contest videos and be proud of them. You especially can't be proud of the lazy Neo reviews where you only play for an hour and claim that's good enough.
Pffft, early videos were parodies. At least one thing is constant, he still continues to lie to his audience.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

TMNT Comics, Now With 60% Recycled Material

Wow, November already? I’ll be right back.
Phew, I‘m okay now. Hm, IG has a new video up. An actual video, not another damn Skylanders unboxing where he gushes over how awesome they are. It’s a new I Rate the 80s, this time covering TMNT Comics. Wait, didn’t he already do this?
Back in 2008, he did a short video about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Adventures, a series published by Archie Comics. It was immensely boring, and according to YouTube user “morbidchid” was full of inaccurate information (see here:

Of course, it could be one of the other TMNT comics from that time period. I shall see.

0:06 - 0:52: We get our intro with the cluttered desk, then IG holds out a trade paperback of the Mirage Comics TMNT. Okay, so he’ll be looking at the original. I sense much suckage emanating from this.
We cut to the not-80s stock footage, then we see… ooooh not again. Bores dressed as TMNT creators Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird. You’re not America’s Most Wanted, you don’t have to reenact “history”.
He explains how they were doing humorous drawings and eventually lead into the TMNT, knowing they were onto something great. Not exactly, they published the first TMNT comic as a PARODY of different comic books of the time. Specifically, Frank Miller’s Ronin and run on Daredevil, Dave Sims’ Cerebus and the New Mutants. They didn’t exactly have any “big plans”.

He goes over how the initial printing had only 3,000 copies, then it cuts to him in a green-screen warehouse going over how the printing numbers got bigger and bigger. As he mentions each number, he picks up a bigger box. On the 50,000 box, the Hamburgler appears out of nowhere and steals it.
*sighs* Chris, do you know why you’re not getting job offers, why you’re not getting people coming to you to distribute your stupid ghost hunting movie? Because you claim this is a “documentary” and then they see stupid shit like the Hamburgler out of nowhere. They won’t take you seriously.
Also, why the Hamburgler? The Turtles didn’t eat McDonalds, they ate pizza. Your reference fails!

0:53 - 1:07: IG says the TMNT were a hit, then we get a sketch of Kid Bores walking up to a news stand (also run by Bores in a hat and fake mustache) asking where the Turtles comics are. The mustached Bores tells him they’re sold out but they have Jughead, only for Kid Bores to leave. Why does Kid Bores suddenly have a New York accent? By the way, kids were not the target audience for the original TMNT comics. They were ultra-violent and not really suitable for youngsters. It only became kid-friendly when Playmates approached Eastman & Laird about a toy deal.

1:08 - 1:26: He mentions they’re in black and white, the Turtles fighting evil, and then brings up Issue #5 and that it “gets weird” with the Turtles going into space. Then… a bizarre sketch with a ship (I presume taken from the comic) flying past… what the fuck are those things? Could an 80s expert tell me what those are? I can’t exactly go by looks to find them on search engines. Seriously, what is this joke/reference?

1:27 - 2:10: “Despite these setbacks…” What setbacks? They did something you found weird? This is a series about anthropomorphic Turtles that study ninjitsu under an anthropomorphic rat, it’s already weird as hell.
IG moves to the comic becoming a franchise (while making a lame turtle soup segue) and we get more Kid Bores (oh joy)… wetting himself over the toyline, cartoon, and video game. Charming.

He mentions how the Turtles bandana changed from all red to different colored ones for kids to tell each other apart, bringing up the NES cover using an image from the comic with their all red bandanas. Then we cut to Kid Bores complaining about it (psst, I don’t think most kids cared) then… complaining about the water level. I’m sorry, I think we’re in the wrong show now.
Oh and the footage shows Bores not even trying to avoid the electrical seaweed, just like last time. You’re supposed to stay in the center! After he dies, Kid Bores throws the controller and makes a face, and then Referee Mario from Punch-Out appears and says TKO. WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY ONE OF HIS VIDEO GAME REVIEWS? It feels just as nonsensical and baffling.

2:11 - 2:53: IG moves onto the Archie Comics TMNT Adventures. Which he already talked about back in 2008. Also, aren’t you forgetting Mirage Studios Tales of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? An anthology book that served as a companion piece, telling smaller stories with other characters?
He starts talking about Adventures and… okay now this feels like he’s just recycling his original video. I swear he’s saying the exact same things. Considering Bores has clamed he’s forgotten games he’s reviewed in the past, I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot about his first video.
“Who could forget the iconic issue 11?” Oh, was that the one where Shredder stabs April through the stomach and she crawled over to the Turtles lair where she dies in Leo’s arms? … I’m probably thinking of the wrong comic.
No it’s the cover they used for promotional ads. That’s… a really weird detail to know and care about. Also, I wouldn’t come close to considering that iconic. Amazing Fantasy #15 it is not.

2:54 - 3:38 He repeats more stuff he mentioned in his first video, and says it was great to be a Turtles fan in 1989, then shows footage from the second movie and says being a Turtles fan in the 90s was not as great. Strange you say that since the first TMNT movie came out in 1990, and the best Turtles game ever made (Turtles in Time) came out in 1991.
No, this segue was an excuse to show some of Vanilla Ice’s Ninja Rap so he can facepalm to it. Come on, it’s awesomely cheesy. Norselaw’s Viking Rap though, good lord that’s terrible (look it up).

IG says that by issue #25, the series went downhill as Shedder was missing (oh big whoop, how dare they use other villains), the stories were shorter, and Raphael had a love interest in an anthropomorphic fox (Ninjara is her name according to the TMNT Wiki) then IG wonders about the two of them doing it and says “eww”. I’ve been around the internet enough to guess that pictures of that exist.

3:39 - 4:16: IG claims that afterwards, the TMNT comics would never be the same, pushing a small pile of them off his table. Do I detect rose-tinted goggles? Also, the Mirage Comics continuity was still going. During the late 90s it was published by Image Comics, and went back to Mirage until the rights were sold to Viacom. Unless this was a 90s-style dork age, then I’m still calling “nostalgia fitler” on that comment.
He brings up the all new IDW Publishing series and starts gushing about it. I’m bored, can we end this?

IG moves onto the rating. I bet I know where this is head…
He brings up he wasn’t a fan of the Mirage Studios comics because it got too weird so he gives it Nostalgia Medicore. … Okay I didn’t expect that. Still, he has no god damn clue what he’s talking about. I get the feeling he didn’t get past the Triceraton and Fugitoid story arc because all mentions of the original Mirage series stop after that. Too bad since there’s some really good stories that follow. Basically, you’re a lazy idiot Bores.
However, he gives Adventures a Nostalgia Overload. Yeah, I gathered from the video you already made about it. You’re not a TV show, you can’t apply the fleeting demographic rule to your videos!

The videos ends with… oh for fuck’s sakes. Jughead appears and asks about his comic, IG calls it garbage, Jughead gets mad and calls Moose to beat him up. Wait, are we finally going to see IG get his ass kicked? Of course not, we just get IG saying “How do I get myself into these situations?” Because you write your show like a rejected Family Guy episode. I actually expected the “wa-wa-wa” horns to go off after he said that line.

Yeah, this was terrible. Barely talking about the original comics, recycling material from his first TMNT comics video, more annoying Kid Bores, and references that make little sense. Along with some of the usual research failure (seriously, TMNT being a parody of other comics is a fairly basic fact among fans, something that any self-respecting Turtle fan would bring up).
The question is, is this just as poorly-researched as Phelous’ Turtles Forever review? You make the call.