Saturday, August 24, 2013

IG Attempts the News: Gamescom? Is That Some New Website?

Last week on “GotGame is seriously funding this crap?”
Wait, Pokemon is popular? Well then, I’m going to be the Pokemon Master!

What will this week bring?

Stories from August 19th 2013

“Skylander Figures Top Selling Action Figure In U.S. & Europe in 2013”

And we once again start the week with a Skylanders story. Jeeeeez. Do you think he’ll mention anything about Gamescom?

“I knew Activision would have a hit ion there hands” The “ion” typo is bad enough, but it’s not “there” it’s “their”. “A hit on their hands”, “There are many Skylanders articles on IG‘s site” “His fans? They’re tired of his lack of videos”
“And even more interesting, Skylanders Giants was the #1 best-selling console and hand-held game overall in dollars.” Ever consider that has to do with the games being more expensive than every other game? $70-90 dollars compared to $60? Just saying.
“I’ll probably get most of them for Youtube channel/Webpage usage, but I for see parents and kids alike slowing down on ‘having to catch them all’ with this installment.” So, you’re “forced” to spend money on toys yet you complain when you can’t get free games? You complain on Facebook when Nintendo and Ubisoft won’t send you Pokemon or Assassin’s Creed, yet at the first sign of new Skylanders you shout “Shut up and take my money!” I think your priorities are screwed up Mr. Irate “Gamer”

For some reason, the picture used for this article is a picture of himself sitting at his table with a bunch of Skylanders. Apparently, just using photos of the boxes or figures was not enough and he had to include his ego in there.

“X-Men: Days of Future Past Cast Picture Revealled (Wolverine, Charles Xavier, Beast)”

Revealed is spelled with one “L”, not two.

“Nicolas Hoult as Hank McCoy” You also got his name wrong, it’s spelled “Nicholas”, like author Nicholas Sparks, and Nicholas Briggs, the voice of multiple Doctor Who monsters. You confused it with Nicolas Cage.
(…) been unearthed by those geeky internet trolls that can hack into anything. God bless them!” Until they decide to hack your stuff, then they’re the scum of the earth. Pretty sure that’s not how the photo was found.
Also, trolls are hackers? Logic.

“Monster Cereals Return, along with Yummy Mummy & Fruit Brute?!”

Aw crap, I knew he would notice this.
Last Saturday, “harryhenry” linked this Tumblr post in my comments.
Yeah, it looks like General Mills is bringing back Fruity Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute, the two monster cereals they discontinued.
“Will it taste the same? I’m sure that will be a resounding no, but I’ll probably pick one up anyway” Chris, do you know why these cereals were discontinued? I’ve never had Yummy Mummy, but I’ve talked to people that did and they all say it sucked. They got rid of it because people tried it, they hated it, and they stopped buying it.
Yes, they probably changed the recipe, but the monster cereals only come out during autumn. More people gravitate towards the first three so I don’t see the returning cereals lasting that long.

At first, I was going to criticize Bores for misspelling Fruit Brute in the tags as “Frute Brute”. But I took a closer look at the picture and saw that’s what General Mills are calling it now. That’s just weird.

“Captain N and the New Super Mario World Complete Series Show – Collector’s Edition DVD”

Ewwww. Well, at least the YouTube Poop crowd will be happy. Wait, what am I saying? They prefer low quality clips for added distortion.

“Good News Old School Mario fans!” Not really good news, most people hated these shows. Maybe it’s good news for you since that’s where all your video game knowledge comes from.

“New Irate Gamer Episode Very Soon!”

By the time this post goes up, I will have covered the episode.

“Unless something crazy happens like an Internet outage or Godzilla destroys the city” You don’t even live in Japan.
“The Evilness ensues!” Urrrrrgh.

UPDATE: Chris updated the post when he released the episode.
“the Evilness outside his house ensues bringing this story arc to one crazy boil!” More like an annoying boil on my back.
Why is “evilness” capitalized? Is that the name of Shadow Overlord’s little group? Would have been nice if you established that!

Here's the recap:

Other stories:
“Animated GIF – Global Internet Usage Throughout 24 hours”

Stories from August 20th 2013

“Batman: Arkham Origins – The Batcave Revealed”

“Now Warner Bros. has dropped us some great pictures of the Batcave, something that hasn’t really been explored in previous Arkham games.” Incorrect. While not the actual Batcave, there was a spare Batcave used in Arkham Asylum.
“Will it contain the giant penny? Robin suits? the Bat Bathroom Urinal?” There wouldn’t be any Robin suits, Arkham Origins takes place when Batman was young, before he recruited Dick Grayson or any wards for that matter. Also, more toilet humor! I love how he specifies they’re “bathroom urinals”. As opposed to what, kitchen urinals?

“Super Mario-64 / Old Spice Guy – Hilarious Video Mashup”

*looks up video through YouTube search* Six months old.

“Remember that crazy old spice guy from the commercials? Someone spliced him into a Mario Themed crazsy commercial causing all sorts of hilarious madness.” So, he spells “crazy” correctly once, and then gets it wrong the second time. Too many typos!
I watched the video, and it’s nothing more than a YTP Remix. You know, Gamescom started today. Anything about that?

“The Swords of Legend of Zelda Poster”

By the way Bores, there’s a new 3DS Zelda coming in a few months. Aren’t you ever going to mention that? Or the Wind Waker HD for Wii U? No?

What’s weird is that Bores quoted the artist’s dA description but somehow botched it. There’s random capitalization all over IG’s site, none of it matching up with the original post. Did Bores fail at copy-pasting it and wrote it by hand?

“Hats off to you Brian, Heres some rupees for your trouble. Don’t go spending them all in one place now…because they are fake. muhahaha! *runs away*” Why would you even have fake Indian currency? Oh, you didn’t know that Rupees were actually a real thing? And you call yourself a history buff.

“Mega Man Coolness – Supermarket Shaped Ground Meat”

I should mention that at the time Chris posted this, the news of PS4’s release date had spread through the internet. Instead, he’s far more interested in posting pictures of food shaped into Mega Man and Cut Man! What a waste.

“The Irate Gamer Game – More Pictures”

This game looks worse and worse. I look forward to the negative reviews.

Other stories:
“Star Trek: The Next Generation – Blu-ray Season 5, and ‘Unification’”

Stories from August 21st 2013

“Capcom Tells us Which games are essentials for Ps3 and XBox 360”

I’d give him praise for talking about a newly announced game (well, compilation) but this news is a week old. Keep up the pace!

“In a daring move, Capcom has told us their most essential games that are must haves for your video game system for their special edition collection.” What’s daring about it? Isn’t this the same thing as a Greatest Hits album? You’re not going to agree with everything they pick as “essential” or “great”. I mean, Resident Evil 6? Really?
“Isn’t that just every blockbuster game they’ve released in the past 3 years?” Hahaha noooo. You’re forgetting Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, DmC: Devil May Cry, Lost Planet 2, Dragon’s Dogma, Asura’s Wrath, Resident Evil 5: Gold Edition and probably some others. Also, Devil May Cry 4 came out five years ago, not three. And would you really consider Mega Man 10 a “blockbuster”?
By the way, they probably picked these games because they’re all PS3/360 games complete with discs or download codes. If you wanted “essentials” that went all the way back to the NES or SNES, buy a Wii U and download them.

If I may digress, why include Super Street Fighter IV? Ultra Street Fighter IV is coming next year. Sure one can just download it to SSFIV, but Capcom knows they can earn more by selling the retail copies. Then again, they seem to think it’s financially reasonable to send out gold-plated DuckTales NES cartridges filled with real shredded money solely to press members, but releasing a retail version of Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney - Dual Destinies is “far too risky” despite the Ace Attorney series having a really big following.

“Get me Capcom Marketing on the phone and hire that guy for!” Wow, so much wrong in this one sentence.
I’m not going to deny that Capcom is facing a shitload of problems, but hiring you would be a terrible idea. In so many ways. What exactly would you recommend? Like I said above, stuff from the NES and SNES wouldn’t happen.
And “that guy from (your site)”? You’re the only person that works on it! You have no other writers or personnel. You confuse me so much.

“Multicolored Lobster: 1 in a 50 million Find!”

This article is about exactly what you think it’s about. Rare multi-colored lobster. I’m sorry, isn’t this site supposed to be about video games? Even Kotaku wouldn’t post stuff this pointless.

“So one in a 50 million chance?? those odds must have gone down.” There are multiple species of lobster, millions and millions residing in the ocean, many are caught everyday for human consumption. There’s thousands of fisherman all over the world. Also, it’s possible that these two lobsters were discovered months apart.

“At any rate, fire me up some water. I’m getting hungry for some sea food!” … I really wouldn’t eat the red & blue lobster, or the green & orange lobster.
But I would want to pet the two-faced cat Venus.
Look at her, she’s adorable!

“Batman: Arkham Origins – Super Ultra Collectors Edition Revealed”

“People must love all these different editions of video games because it seems everyone is going the collector’s edition route.” Where the fuck have you been? Publishers have been doing this for years! Every time he says something like this, it feels like he’s been living in a bomb shelter for 30 years and he just got out and all he knew about video games was Pac-Man and Space Invaders.

“Whoa hold the phone, a Knightfall pack? featuring the crazy story arc where Bruce had his back broken by Bane? Whoa I just might have to check that out if its true!” I don’t know… if it means we have to play as Azrael, then I’m not going to like that.

Stories from August 22nd 2013

“Mike Tyson Plays Punchout for NES Nintendo For First Time”

“Nothing like branding your name on something and not even checking out the finished product” Oh I’m sorry, I’m pretty sure Mike Tyson was kind of busy in 1987 being the undisputed heavyweight champion of the world! He didn’t exactly have time to check out a toy for kids.
“(theirategamer line of parachutes come to mind. How was I supposed to know they would explode!)” Wha? Why would parachutes explode? I can understand snapping but exploding? Is this his attempt at being random? Or is this more of his belief that explosions are a good substitute for actual jokes?
And you would know all about quality control with your rushed DVDs and flimsy mouse pads. *checks store* He doesn’t even sell the mouse pads anymore!

“Dang, he even took a beating from Glass joe, GLASS JOE!” You do realize that real life skills do not translate over to video games skills right? I know you’ve been living under a rock, but back when Guitar Hero and Rock Band were popular, there were videos of famous guitarists and rock stars trying their own song in the game and failing. Scott Ian of Anthrax tried Madhouse and failed, all of Rush tried Tom Sawyer and failed. I’m not surprised Tyson couldn’t beat Glass Joe.

“They should’ve just got the cheat code that warped you to the last bout with Tyson and get his reaction on playing against himself.” And of course, Chris Bores’ solution is just to cheat to the end. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

“Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Opening Cinematic from Blizzard”

I still find his love of the Diablo series weird. It’s so out of place for him.

The cinematic showcased is about the Reaper kicking ass. Leading to this.
“Lets hope Bill and Ted don’t tangle with that guy!” Ugggh, I get the reference but it’s so stupid and out of place. I don’t get how you see Grim Reaper and Bill & Ted is the first thing that comes to mind. Why not Castlevania? Or Darksiders II? Or Grim Fandango? Humoring the idea he even knows what Grim Fandango is.

“2013 Release Dates Confirmed – Mickey Mouse, Rain, Castlevania LoS2”

This article provides some updates on game releases. *looks* I still don’t see The Wonderful 101.

“We’ve got a ton of updated release dates for games for you.” Who’s we? You’re the only one that writes for the site.
“Rain, the game that’s artistically and visually cool looking releases Oct 1” You could easily remove the title and release date and apply that sentence to just about any game. It’s such a vague description.

Other stories:
“Katee Sackhoff Wants to Play Harley Quinn in a Batman Film”
“EPIC 10,000-Piece LEGO Mosaic Of Video Game Characters”

Stories from August 23rd 2013

“Meet the New Batman – Ben Affleck??! WTF!”

Yeah… this news.
My thoughts personally? At first I was very skeptical, but I calmed down and just decided to wait and see. Remember, we all thought Heath Ledger was going to fail as The Joker. Besides, if Affleck ends up doing well, he could redeem what’s going to be a shitty sequel (it has the same team behind Man of Steel, I have zero expectations that this will be good).

“Ugg Did they even watch Daredevil?! Terrible Choice Warner Brothers!! Come on!” Did you watch The Town or Argo? Affleck has become an amazing director. Sure he’s not the best actor but maybe he’s picked up a few tricks since. Of course, his skills will also depend on Zack Snyder’s direction and he’s… just keep expectations low for the whole movie.

“I continue to become depressed at the state of affairs over at DC. I’m a DC guy so I want to see this stuff succeed." Do you even read the comics Chris? All you seem to care about are the movies, and those are still somewhat succeeding. Hell, Man of Steel made money. The comics are in a bad state sure, but unless you’re invested in reading them, then you really shouldn’t talk.

“Lego Marvel Super Heroes – Lego Silver Surfer, Modok, Galactus, Deadpool, etc”

“Gamescom is upon us” Upon us? Today is the last day! Where the hell were you on Tuesday when they announced the release date of the PS4? You still haven’t brought that up!
“and we here and Irate Gamer have all the info” Again, who’s “we”? You keep referring to a “we” but you’re the only writer on the site. Do you have ghost writers? Is Steve Masters doing articles for you? Are you speaking with the Royal “We“? Did you bond with the Venom Symbiote and you have to refer to yourself as “we” from now on?
By the way, Venom is in Lego Marvel Super Heroes. Neat.

Other stories:
“Pirates of the Caribbean 5th Film: Dead Men Tell No Tale”
“Calvin & Hobbes Comics Superimposed Into Real Photos”

That’s all for this week. We saw that Power Rangers video and the continuation of his “epic” story. *shudders* That was… an experience.

We know Bores fails at gathering news, but this week was exceptionally bad. We saw Sony announce the release date of the PlayStation 4, and Bores hasn’t said a damn thing about it. Hell, he just got around to Gamescom four days late. You know what, I don’t care if he thinks it’s legit fan art, turn him into a Slowpoke. He probably wouldn’t realize it’s an insult until it’s far too late.


  1. I totally can't wait for the Irate Gamer game to come... to see negative reviews about it. :D

    1. Reviews? You mean someone will actually play it?

    2. I hope no one buys it, not even to review it. Bores will just flag the reviews anyway.

    3. @Shaolin Dave

      I imagine someone going the Jason Steele route of getting a product he loathes. He hated Epic Movie so much without having seen it that just to spite them he downloaded the movie days after it came out to throw it away.

    4. Well that is assuming the game even gets made. Also even if it does get made it might just get washed away in the sea of just as bad ios games since there is no way Microsoft will be stupid enough to allow it onto live.

  2. Replies
    1. Some sort of European E3. Wikipedia has a page on it.

  3. Don't forget the Batcave DLC challenge map in Arkham City.

  4. I find it funny that his website still says, on the right hand side of the screen, his lastest retro review is Star Trek for the NES. You would think that, with all of the time he spends writing articles, he would take a few minutes out of his time to fix that and change the picture to Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the SNES.

  5. The IRATE Gamer Game is out, motherfuckers!

    Come get some.


    2. Just checked out the free demo. Capsule review: worth every penny.

    3. I just love how one of the reviews compares it to the original Super Mario Bros.

    4. One of the reviewers was bores certainly no bias there.

    5. Hey, there's a free demo of it. Oh, and Chris Bores did a review about it.

    6. Anyone mind telling my robots bleed blood in this other then the fact to try and make it what bores thinks a game should be.

    7. Oh, it's actually here. It's actually a reality now.

      Sounds like it sucks as much as I thought it would.

    8. That snow pun didn't even remotely work correctly frick you developer. Seriously snow things down not even remotely correct.

    9. An actual copy/pasted review

      One of the funniest iPhone games around!

      by Chris Bores
      I'm a big fan of the irate gamer show and Chris Bores in general, so when I heard there was an irate gamer game I knew I had to get it. It's tons of fun, with great level design and catchy music. The comic book transitions are also a nice touch with official artwork from the show.

    10. The only thing good I could say about the game is the artwork. I guess I could hijack the artist and make him/her work on a GOOD game.

    11. Chris Bores is a big fan of Chris Bores? Catchy Music? Official artwork from the show? Seriously?

    12. @Justin

      Yeah, the art in the cutscenes is good. This guy's talent is wasted.

      Also, Chris claims the artwork is from the show. Does he not watch his own show? That art has never shown up.

    13. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    14. Those reviews are a crock of crap:
      The Citizen Kane of Video Games
      By the way: Does Chris Bores think we are all imbéciles?!

    15. Serious and stupid since it is bores himself that says it he didn't even bother trying to use a pseudonym.

    16. The Dunning-Kruger effect at work!

    17. Guys guys, you clearly aren't getting the complex layers of design that this game clearly employs. Allow me to explain:

      The use of the same enemy sprite is meant to hearken back to the days of Atari where the player was able to use their imagination to add depth to every enemy. How're we suppose to use our imagination on them if they were varied and diverse in design? That's like having a coloring book with all the colors done for you!

      The square copy-and-paste platforms and generic textures are symbolic of Irate Gamers' internal conflict within himself, that no matter how much progress that he makes, it seems like he's ultimately getting nowhere. It's nothing short of genius to see such subtly these days in gaming.

      And how can I not mention the utter brilliance of having all of the scenery possess a slightly altered default windows backgrounds. This is to show that the character of the Irate Gamer, while focusing his attention on primarily older games, he still has a connection to technology of modern day.

      You guys seriously need to open your eyes to the concept of underlying themes... pfft, maybe the makers of AVGN Adventures should take some pointers from this game. Clearly THIS, will be more the critically acclaimed of the two.

    18. Bear in mind there were reviews for Braid that compared it to Super Mario Bros, including an absolutely scathing one on Gamespot from some reprobate who somehow missed the whole "manipulate time to collect puzzle pieces" aspect of the game and just saw it as a mindless platformer. So really, it's not a huge stretch to compare the IG game to Mario. You can probably compare GTA V to Mario if you try hard enough.

  6. Based upon the demo, I cannot in good conscience recommend that ANYONE purchase TIGG for any reason; but if someone does, it would be nice to hear whether all the egregious flaws I'm experiencing with the demo on my iPhone 4 are present in the paid version.

    In particular, the surfaces/platforms that my Chris sprite runs upon are not colored in. They're white bricks. And some of them are non-solid, so I die from jumping on them.

    I also have no music, and there are no points or any other clear reason to be collecting these coins, and... I try to be fair in my criticism, and I was prepared to point out that Bores, for all his faults, at least got the game out in August as he announced. But this demo is simply not complete. In film jargon this would be a rough cut before FX and music were added, or even a proof-of-concept reel. If Bores himself had coded this, I would assume he was (consciously or not) trying to get noticed by AVGN at the simplest level possible... by being a shitty game.

  7. Did a rant about Lordstarscream89.

    You know, maybe I should just throw a nuke on El-Dritatcus' comments.

  8. On a darker note: last Friday was the Anniversary of the Leo Frank crime, as told by the ADL: http://100-years-later-anti-semitism-around-leo-frank-case-abounds

  9. @BatDanNight - I assume the next entry's going to be about that god-awful Irate Gamer game on iOS, right?

  10. “Get me Capcom Marketing on the phone and hire that guy for!”

    I actually don't get this sentence at all, since you interpreted it totally differently from me and still couldn't make sense of it. It's because of the use of the word 'for,' which leads me to think he's saying he wants his own site (of which he's the only member) to hire someone from Capcom. But why? I didn't read the full article so maybe it makes more sense in context, but I doubt it.

  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

  12. Yes, the Captain N and Super Mario cartoons are both infamously bad, but they're really no worse than a lot of the shite that goes on Cartoon Network, Nickeloden, and Disney nowadays, such as Regular Show, Adventure Time, Chowder, The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack, Jimmy Two-Shoes, Dude Where's My Ghost, Planet Sheen, etc.

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