The Irate Gamer Game is Now Available. Abandon All Hope Ye Who Download

Welp, it finally happened, after years of jokes and ridicule, the fabled Irate Gamer Game is here.

Available only on iOS platforms, the full game will cost you $4 dollars (or 2.49 pounds over in the UK) but there is a Lite version for free. Basically, it's more expensive than acclaimed games like Angry Birds, Fruit Ninja, Plants vs. Zombies, World of Goo, and many more. GTA: Chinatown Wars costs the same on iOS, but that's a vastly bigger game, is a port of a game that was on DS and PSP.
Not to mention all the free games available with more content like Simpsons Tapped Out and Tetris Blitz.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/tigg/id688523904?mt=8

First big problem is the name on iTunes. It's not called "The Irate Gamer Game", it's called "TIGG". Nobody knows what that means, and people browsing the App Store are just going to pass by it without a second glance.

I'll bring up one of the game's only positives. The artwork in the comic book style cutscenes is actually pretty good. Whoever did it, your talent is wasted and you can do better things than this.

Seems the first review on iTunes came from Chris himself, who claims he's a big fan of Irate Gamer and Chris Bores (You know how producers say they are their own biggest critic? Chris is the opposite, he's his own biggest fan). He also mentions that it includes "artwork from the show". Does Chris not watch his own show? This artwork has never shown up anywhere.
In case the review gets deleted, Shaolin Dave has provided a screencap of it.

But how does the game play? Well, Guru Larry has checked out the Lite version and has provided me with his impressions of it. His comments are in blue (with some paraphrasing to fix some things up).

"It's unintuitive. There's a pit in the first level you assume you have to jump as there's nothing telling you otherwise. But no, you need to walk off the edge, which activates a hang glider mode where he just floats across. The game said nothing about this and I discovered it by accident. Why can't you just hold down the jump button to get across?"

"Also, the hang glider backfires as it activates every time you jump down a platform or fall to your death"

"You can't jump and shoot at the same time." To me, this sounds like one of the game's biggest sins. How do you make a 2D platformer where you can't jump & shoot at the same time?

"The only enemies in the game are those HAL things and land mines"

"It's way too generous with health refills (or Kool Aid jugs). Some appear literally every time you encounter an enemy."

"There's ladders and ropes in the game, but you can't use them as there's no Up or Down buttons, they're just decoration."

"There are no checkpoints. You need to finish an entire level in one go, made worse as everything bar the land mines and HAL robots kill you in one hit"

"There's invisible walls in the floating platform segments"

"And the boss of the first world is TWELVE HAL robots, there's no other enemies in the game from the show."

Wow, the game sounds like a hot mess. This does not surprise me.
Just like I predicted, this will get lost in the deluge of shitty iOS games. A $4 dollar price tag for something that looks like it should be free with dreadful controls and lack of variety. What a joke.

If anyone is brave enough to download, post your impressions in the comments. If you're capable of making a video review, that would be even better.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go play a real game with controls that work and gameplay that's fun *boots up Pikmin 3*