Saturday, August 31, 2013

IG Attempts the News: Slowy McSlow

Last week on “News that’s all that and a bag of potato chips”
Gamescom? Is that something you eat?
Oh hey, the Irate Gamer Game is out. It’s shit!

What will this week bring?

Stories from August 26th 2013

“Monster Cereals: Target Gets Classic Themed Boxes Exclusive!”

At least the week isn’t starting off with Skylanders.
This is still really dumb though. Nothing more than a nostalgia cash grab for people like Bores that fall for anything from their childhood. It’s like all the people excited for the new Killer Instinct and Strider. Those games are going to suck!

“Can’t wait to dig into some Yummy Mummy after a few decades of waiting!" A few decades? That would be like 30-40 years right? Yummy Mummy was discontinued in 1993, that’s 20 years ago. Had you said a “couple decades” then I wouldn’t bring this up.

“The Hobbit: The Desolation Of Smaug Teaser Trailer Done in LEGO’s”

As the title says, it’s a video of The Desolation of Smaug trailer done in Lego. Basically, another “cool video” post. How about that PS4 Chris?

“Next up, The LEGO Irate Gamer show playset with exclusive Ronnie the Skeleton!” In your dreams Chris. Well, maybe you’ll get one of those cheap Lego alternatives that nobody likes.

“Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls Expansion pack Comes to Consoles”

Okay, that headline is wrong. It’s not confirmed at all.

“Well that comment in the interviewing world is called a ‘I’m confirming it in a non-confirming kind of way’ move.” Well in the gaming industry, that’s called “Take it with a grain of salt until they 100% confirm it”.

“Disney Princesses – Capcom Game Fighting Character Sprites”

Some people just have way too much free time.

“Want a Capcom fighting game of Disney Princess’s?” I prefer if Capcom stopped sucking ass and chasing the Western dollar with garbage like Resident Evil 6 and DmC. Also, it’s spelled “Princesses”.
“Yes it’s on my top 10 most wanted games ever too!” Your attempts at sarcasm bore me as much as your videos.
“Ariel looks pretty badass with that trident. Unfortunately she’s always hitting me with that thing whenever I snap her sexy bra strap on her back. I’ll never learn!” …. Ew. Why would you do that? Also, people tend to forget the fact that Ariel is 16 years old!
UPDATE: Seems he slightly edited the article, now it no longer says “sexy bra strap”. Just “bra strap”. That still doesn’t help.

Other stories:
“The United States Of Fast Food Chains”

Stories from August 27th 2013

“Gamestop Managers Receiving both ps4 and Xbox360. WHAT?!”

What’s the big deal about them getting Xbox 360? They’ve been out for yea- You confused it with the Xbox One didn’t you? *sighs* You‘re a moron.

“Stop the presses! Get me a job at Gamestop!” Considering how often there are employees that have no idea what they’re talking about… you’d actually fit.
“The managers working there will be getting Ps4′s and xbox360′s this holiday season.”  Again, it’s the Xbox One, not the 360. Considering you’re confused, I get the feeling the average consumer will be as well. Just like the Wii and Wii U. Companies really need to stop giving their consoles the dumbest names.

“Someone get me a job application! I need a manager position and stat!” HAHAHA no. You will never be a GameStop manager. Never in a million years. Besides, it’s not like you’re actually going to pay for them, your sugar daddy GotGame is going to give you them for free, just like the Wii, 360 and PS3 they gave you.
“News also coming out is that games will also be given with the console: Killzone: Shadowfall, NBA 2K14, Madden, FIFA 14, Need for Speed: Rivals, Battlefield 4 and Beyond: Two Souls.” Couple of problems with that list. There’s no Xbox One exclusives, and Beyond: Two Souls isn’t coming to PS4, it’s a PS3 game.

“New Todd McFalane Spawn Movie to Start Production Next Year?”

You mean Todd McFarlane right? You see the red line underneath words? That means they’re spelled incorrectly, and you should probably check them out.

“Simpsosn Tapped Out: App Game Adds New Characters”

Again? Another typo? Proofread! Don’t rush!

Other stories:
“Legend of Zelda: Custom Link Mecha Toy”

Stories from August 28th 2013

“Final Fantasy 14 Servers Overloaded, Internet Sales Halted”

“Seems like Square should’ve gotten their ducks in a row before launching the new game.” Okay, couple of things.
This is their second attempt at Final Fantasy XIV, after the first attempt was a massive failure. They made sure to take their time and not rush out a half-baked product.
As for the servers, this is a brand new MMO from one of the biggest franchises in the world, thousands of people were probably on it. If Blizzard released World of Warcraft 2, I wouldn’t be surprised if the servers broke down within the first 12 hours.

“Good thing Square never sent me a copy, I’d be adding to the misery by making it a true FINAL fantasy” Huh? Why would Square-Enix do that? Nobody but GotGame (and maybe Tecmo) sends you games.
And what does that last part mean? Was that your attempt at being badass and saying you would destroy the game? So lame, and idiotic if you consider they would send him a download code and he would be destroying his computer.

“No Irate Gamers Here: 2013 World Yo-Yo Champion Announced”

What the hell kind of headline is that? Is he trying to say there’s more than one Irate Gamer? Is he trying to say that people wouldn’t get angry at yo-yo competitions? Is he attempting to do that “No words, only x” line related to “rustled jimmies”?

“Here at theIrateGamer Channel, we report on all gaming facets of life” You’re not a channel, you’re a blog. YouTube is your channel and you do jackshit with it. Also, if you report on all gaming facets of life, WHY HAVEN’T YOU MENTIONED THE PS4’S RELEASE DATE?!

*reads tags* One of them says “make love to that yoyo bro”. Is that a reference to something? I’ve never heard it.

“Sonic the Hedgehog: Custom Sonic Mecha Toy”

“I thought I could rest from Mech news today, but NO WAY Irate Gamer!” He’s referring to the Zelda mech story I mentioned above. Why did he say his name here?
“Not sure how they do this but I’m digging it.” They custom make them. I’m not sure how that’s so hard to figure out.

Other stories:
“Simpsons Theme Park at Universal Studios Orlando Includes Moe’s, Krusty Burger, and MORE!”

Stories from August 29th 2013

“Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows Video Game Trailer”

“This game looks pretty damn cool” Really? With the ugly art style?
“features “hyper-realistic 3D-style,” “true-to-life” environments”” Activision is the king of buzzwords.

Other stories:
“Crazy Japanese Horse Racing Online Game”
“Play Arts Kai – New Batman and Arkham City Joker Figures Look Awesome”
“Magic the Gathering: Heroes vs. Monsters Duel Decks Spoilers”
“Skylanders Swap Force – 3DS Version w/ Volcanic Eruptor, Rattle Shake, Free Ranger,”

Stories from August 30th 2013

“Star Wars Han Solo Frozen In Carbonite Refrigerator Doors”

“You’ve gotta appreciate this, Han Solo frozen in carbonite refrigerator/freezer doors.” *looks at it* Meh. I think I’m just tired of Star Wars.
“I want to put these on my refrigerator doors now. I’m sure my girlfriend will enjoy seeing that. I can hear her now…”Not in my Kitchen!”” That’s… healthy.

“Custom Monty Pyton And The Holy Grail LEGO Sets”

Hasn’t the internet gotten tired of Monty Python and the Holy Grail yet? No? *sighs*
By the way, nice typo in the headline. Again.

“Beating LEGO to the punch” Lego was never going to make a Monty Python set. It would have been about as likely as a Friday the 13th set, or a Predator set, or a Ted set (the Seth McFarlane movie).

“Resident Evil: Haunted Maze added to Universal Orlando’s Halloween Horror Nights 2013”

You know, PAX is going on right now. One would think that would be worth covering. But nope, just some Resident Evil thing at Universal Studios that’s only going to be around for a month or two.

“I’ve gotta move to Florida. They’ve got all the cool attractions!” You just figured that out? Also, no you don’t. Nobody wants to live in Florida. It’s full of crazies.

Other stories:
“Magic the Gathering Dules of the Planeswalkers 2014 First Expansion Releases Sept 18”

That’s all for this week. It was a weird one, with less video game stories than usual, and Thursday was just a whole lot of nothing. Do you think he'll ever mention the PS4's release date?
No videos again, I really do wonder how he keeps his fan base.


  1. Bores lowers himself to whatever level necessary to get subscriptions - on that alone, he'd fit in perfectly at Gamestop.

  2. "You mean Todd McFarlane right? You see the red line underneath words? That means they’re spelled incorrectly, and you should probably check them out."

    To be fair, I don't think there's a word processor out there that would recognize that name even if it was spelled correctly.

    1. My microsoft office 2007 does detect the error.

      I wrote Todd McFalane and it underlines it.

    2. Actually, my word processor doesn't underline it.

  3. Sigh. You know, if bores wants to review toys, WHY DOESN'T HE DO MORE IRATE THE 80S. OR MAKE A TOY REVIEW SHOW!!! seriously, half of his content is toy related. And toy reviewers can make interesting content. I mean he wouldn't be tjomega but he seems passionite about toys. Too bad hid blog barely goes into detail

  4. Actually, on Monty Python & the Holy Grail Lego...

    Lego themselves actually did commission/license a Lego stop-motion re-creation of the "Knights of the Round Table" musical sequence to promote their Lego Studios line. They censored out some of the kid-unfriendly bits (like the parrot getting stepped on) but otherwise it's authentic. When I first saw it it got my hopes up for official Monty Python Lego.

    You can watch it here -> , and it can also be found in some DVD editions of the movie.

    And yes, IG news is still as pointless, badly-researched and non-game-related as ever.

    1. Eh. I was always a Bionicle Kind of guy. Anyone remember those? They're still around, albeit under the Hero Factory Line. I love buildable action figures.

  5. “Seems like Square should’ve gotten their ducks in a row before launching the new game.”

    So should've Mad Media

  6. "Nobody wants to live in Florida. It’s full of crazies."

    Dude, I've lived in Florida, Mississippi, Texas, Arkansas, California, Colorado, Idaho, Arizona, Germany, and Korea. I've frequently visited Georgia and Oregon, and been to Alabama and Washington a couple times. Florida's not the sanest, but is far from the worse. It's the #1 place I'd like to move back to.

  7. I think it's a bit early to write off the new Strider. Double Helix doesn't have the best track record, but they're not the only ones working on the game.

  8. His Disney Infinity review's up:

    1. Wait... no pointless sketches? Do my eyes deceive me? I don't know how *accurate* the review is, but this is a step up, I think.

    2. He actually seemed to care about making this like a real review. I'm not sure how accurate it was either since I'm never going to play this, but he fish for stupid gripes or use pointless sketches.

      However, he was still really damn boring. No charisma at all.

      I'll post my recap tomorrow. I don't like posting two posts in one day.

    3. Yeah. I figured it would be as boring as his Skylander Crap. I'll just wait for Pokemon X and Y And Kingdom Hearts 1.5. Seriously I could not care less about Disney Infinity. Why do we only get Pixar, Pirates of the Caribbean, and the Lone Ranger. Seriously disney? You couldn't even give us Mickey, or stitch? Seriously, WHO WANTED THE LONE FRIGGIN RANGER!? IT SUCKED!!!

    4. Sorcerer Mickey is a playable as a figure.

    5. There's a bunch of The Lone Ranger's Lego. Though nobody bough it because it's too expensive.

  9. Oh god, those Disney Sprites, They all are just Sprite-edits and really bland ones, you can tell by the poses tat they just edited existing sprites.

    For criying out loud, this isnt 2003 anymore, the people at Mugenguild per example can do MUCH better sprites since 2007.

  10. Has anyone heard of the recently-announced "Might No. 9" by Keiji Inafune?

    1. Yes yes yes and yes. Super excited for it. Kickstarter page, for those interested:

  11. I smell an Irate the 80's coming out around Christmas time for the Yummy Mummy and Fruit Brute cereals.

    However, last time I went to the store those two were not selling well just like they didn't do the last time. There were stacks of them and all of the normal three were almost all gone.

    My intro to those things was because they were selling they had been marked down very cheap so Dad bought lots of boxes of the stuff. Us kids tried them then refused to eat any more. Soon the cereal cabinet only had Mom's Shredded Wheat (which we didn't dare touch), Yummy Mummy, and Dad's Cheerios. Guess what we ate. When Dad complained we told him to try the stuff before he insists we eat it. Apparently he did because the stuff disappeared the next day. The next spring Mom came in saying she just couldn't get anything to grow in one corner of the garden. Dad then admitted that's where he buried the Yummy Mummy.