2014 has come to a close, it sucked, let’s talk about it.
Sorry, but 2014 was a really dumb year. It feels like this is the year where everyone started taking crazy pills, or maybe it was me. It all feels wrong…
Chris’ output this year was a deluge of Skylanders and ghost garbage. I’m surprised I was able to find 10 moments. But here we are, the Worst Moments of 2014.
10. Orwellion editing, no longer reserved for North Ko-*censored*
I’d like to thank NES Boy for reminding me this happened. Otherwise, it would have been 9.
Back in February, Chris posted a picture on his site of an ocean wave that looks like it has a face. It was pointless, just like 98% of his site content (GotGame gave server space to him to post video game news and show updates, which he never does).
However, one person had enough of the random nonsense and let Chris know how he felt. A user by the name of Archon wrote “NO ONE FUCKING CARES Dear lord, post some fucking INTERESTING, not random shit that’s shit.” While harsh and redundant, it is quite accurate.
You can read the comment here.
Soon, something happened. Instead of deleting the comment (as he normally does), Chris CHANGED it, to make it positive. “this is interesting!” the comment now said.
You can read that here.
Chris, you barely get comments on your site as it is. Maybe you should take what you get, and not scare everyone off with the possibility of censorship. Hell, the last time someone commented on your site was on November 20th. Maybe do something to bring more people over, rather than push them away.
9. History out of fucking nowhere!
I’d say this moment was a surprise to everyone. After 32 months of nothing (well, not nothing, there was “remastered” episodes and a DVD), the newest History of Video Games came out. … It still blows.
Very little history is actually discussed, pushed aside in favor of (poorly) reviewing the Atari VCS launch titles with more annoying random sketches that should not belong in a “documentary.” Why am I seeing Mr. Magoo and the Count from Sesame Street? I also want to mention again that Chris did the Three Stooges routine by himself. His inability (or refusal) to get other people in his videos has reached 90 levels of sad.
8. What kind of E3 coverage was that?!
GotGame took Bores to E3 again. Okay, either he’s providing them drugs, or he’s screwing someone on the team, because I don’t understand how or why they keep him around. He gives no content to their site, and barely uses the blog they gave him for actual information.
Somehow, his coverage reached a new level of “what the hell am I watching?” The game selection was odd this year, looking at The Evil Within and Dragon Age Inquisition (the latter he admits he only looked at because “it looked cool”). Praising Hyrule Warriors as a “great new direction for the series” (never mind that it was a spin-off!), praising Sonic Boom period (how?! Everyone could see it was bad!), randomly switching between coverage at the show and filming at his house (consistency?), not a single mention of Super Smash Bros for Wii U, and of course, PILES of Skylanders.
There was even a video that was nothing but an empty convention hall. As one of the video’s comments said, a good analogy for his content.
The strangest part to me was Chris crying that he wouldn’t be able to play the new Gauntlet because he doesn’t have Steam. Even though I’ve heard evidence to the contrary. Just fucking download it Chris, it’s not hard. Surely with all the editing you do, you should have a PC that can run the game.
7. Jumping on the face-cam bandwagon
IG Neo was surprisingly anemic this year. Only two videos. Again, I ask why GotGame keeps him around.
The first one about Lego Marvel Superheroes was boring, and said nothing interesting about the game. However, the second one looked like Chris’ attempt at a “new direction”. When looking at South Park: The Stick of Truth, he put on a face-cam a/la PewDiePie and showed his reactions. But even he screwed this up as all he did was laugh at the jokes, no commentary or stupid over-the-top reactions that people like Marikiplier and PDP are known for, hell any thoughts were done with post-commentary. Making me wonder what the point of the face-cam was, oh right bandwagon.
Hell, he barely played the game, only getting like an hour in before saying “that’s good enough”. He opens the game on camera! Who does that for a “review”? I’d say this was a “new direction”, but he never made anymore videos to solidify this. Stick of Truth is a great game, and deserves way more respect than the quarter-assed attempt Bores gave. Speaking of deserving better.
6. What is with the cereal mascot fetish?
Of all of Chris’ main shows, I Rate the 80s saw the most content. Three whole videos! The latter two videos about “McDonalds Changeables” and “Looney Tunes Baseball Comic Cards” were completely boring, covering things nobody cares about with terrible random humor all over. The “worst moment” honor goes to his video on General Mills’ Monster Cereals. Posted months after Halloween, this near 8-minute exercise in mental torture shows Bores splooging random references all over with no rhyme or reason. With animated versions of the mascots appearing and Bores giving them terrible impressions. Ending on a terrible gag involving a Ronnie the Skeleton cereal.
There are ways to honor these characters, and Bores did it all completely wrong. Despite what he thinks, he’s not an authority on the 80s. I know he wants to be VH1 so bad, but it’s not going to happen.
5. How can anybody take “ghost hunting” seriously?
Maybe “hunting” is the wrong word. From what I’m told, ghost hunting mostly involves disproving if an area is haunted. What Chris is trying to claim is that he “speaks” to ghosts, that he knows how to “communicate” with them. Which is a load of bullcrap.
It doesn’t help that his way of presenting all this is through the filter of a shitty reality TV show, at least an attempted one. You can tell he wants this on TV so bad.
I mean, how can anyone take this seriously? He has to be a joke in the paranormal community right? What gets me are the people in the comments saying it’s “interesting”, and one parent saying it scared his kids. First of all, you shouldn’t allow your kids to be watching Chris Bores’ videos, have them watch good entertainment like Gravity Falls. Second, THIS is scary? Even going by the philosophy of “what you don‘t see is scarier than what you do see”, this was less than nothing, this was non-existent, there was nothing to indicate it was scary.
I’m still hoping for someone to buy his ghost DVDs and riff them, because what he posted was comedy gold.
4. There was a separate Skylanders channel?
Chris’ Skylander obsession still exists, what a shock. It’s going to exist next year too, as long as people keep buying this crap and Activision keeps him on their *ahem* payroll.
Like last year he even attempted comedy videos, this time “Rejected Skylander Ideas” which were unfunny ideas he came up with (he didn’t even blame it on his girlfriend’s kids).
However, the highlight came from when he actually opened a second channel exclusively for his Skylanders content. Something I approved of greatly as I and many others didn’t want to see that crap anymore. … Then he fucked it up. Not even a month into the channel’s inception, he gives it up. Goes back to posting more Skylanders shit on his main channel. He gave all these excuses like “YouTube’s too different” “It doesn’t make sense” Wah wah wah. No, the real reason is that you barely got subscribers and views, showing that very little of your already dwindling fan base actually cares for your plastic obsession. Well, that and you didn’t fucking promote it! Gee, it’s almost like if you don’t advertise something, it’s going to fail.
To this day, people still tell him to stop with the Skylanders, and Chris just shuts his eyes, covers his ears and sings as loudly as possible to drown out any and all criticism. Enjoy your bubble, it’s going to burst hard.
Oh and why won’t he talk about Amiibo? Those are better!
According to a Facebook comment, he said “kids will like it”. …. Does Bores not understand the hypocrisy of dismissing something as “for kids” when he won’t shut the fuck up about Skylanders?
He also put up a blog post about a misprint Samus Amiibo selling for $2,500. That seems to be the most we’re going to get from Chris about that… though he probably isn’t interested because Nintendo won’t give him free stuff like Activision does. How sad.
3. The “movie” comes to an end in the dumbest way possible.
The Irate Gamer storyline ended this year. Took three and a half years and it accomplished… utter nonsense. I’ve gone over how this “movie” makes no sense before, so I‘ll attempt to keep this brief. This year saw the final two parts, both involving Mighty Morphin Power Rangers games. He ended everything with recycled Power Rangers footage (which I still don’t believe is a satire on how PR is recycled Sentai footage, Bores is not that smart) and as usual, terrible reviews.
The final part also had “cameos”, but only like 6 people actually agreed to appear so the rest were all action figures, video game sprites, and Bores in different costumes. As well as a notable contrarian hypocrite screaming “fuck you AVGN”.
Bores claimed he asked every reviewer he knew, but if that was the turnout… I’ll get more into that in a bit.
I also noticed something recently. Bores thinks really highly of his own writing. You know the bit at the end with the giant HAL-bot falling into Hell and how that made no sense? Apparently, Bores “foreshadowed” that with the line “Let’s send this thing to Hell”. He mentioned this in his “making of“ video. Chris, cliché lines do not count as foreshadowing. Nobody is going to look at that final scene and think “Ooh now it makes sense”, that’s not how foreshadowing works. You sure you took a writing course in college? Man, I can’t imagine how The Dark Chapters would have turned out.
Chris claims this was the final episode (which is odd as the end of the video had him promise he would “keep on reviewing”) and that he retired. Or he’s just on break to focus on History of Video Games. I don’t know, he never keeps his story straight! Of course, Bores is too blind to notice that PEOPLE KEEP ASKING FOR THESE REVIEWS! They don’t want Skylanders, they want old games. In one ear and out the other…
Though I did take solace that Bores could never release this on DVD due to all the copyrighted footage. … Oh wait.
2. DVDs full of copyrighted footage
Somehow, Bores didn’t learn a damn thing the last time he did this. All the way back in 2007 with Back to the Future footage.
Did Bores think that Power Rangers wasn’t owned by anyone? Because it’s owned by at least two different companies (Toei Entertainment and Saban Brands). The only reason Bores hasn’t lost everything to lawsuits is that he’s nothing. He’s probably making nothing on these DVDs and isn’t seen as a threat to these multi-billion dollar (and yen) corporations.
Could Bores not make original Megazords for this? It’s not like he can’t do the “giant” effect, that was the whole point of the giant HAL-bot. It looked like shit yes, but it wasn’t recycled footage.
I’d say report Chris, but it won’t do anything.
1. The “Opening Up” video
The damned attempting one last escape from internet purgatory.
In a supposed response to TheArchfiend (the above mentioned contrarian hypocrite), Bores made a 39 minute video talking about his “career” on YouTube. Most of it was Bores playing the victim card to the “big bad bully James Rolfe”, all without providing a shred of evidence to what he’s saying. All those e-mails, all that proof, we’re just meant to take his word for it.
I don’t know what’s more disgusting, Bores playing the victim in what’s obviously a plea for fans, or the YouTube public swallowing that shit whole without taking a second thought. While some people in the comments have called out his lies and asked for proof, they seem to be in the minority compared to all the fools that fell for this hook, line, and seeker.
Another thing this video shows me is how stuck in the past Chris really is. He mentions all these old reviewers that retired or disappeared, and speaks of them like they’re still new. If these were the people he asked to cameo in his “grand finale”, it’s no wonder he only got 6 people.
There’s also all the lies he gave to try and discredit James. Many about the release dates of his videos. He also got angry that nobody called out James for being a “PewDiePie rip-off”, showing how deep in his bubble he is if he learned about Let’s Plays from PDP. Never mind his use of face-cam in the Stick of Truth video… WAIT A MINUTE!
The video was a lot of “I’m good guy, seriously, just ask these guys that used to hate me and but now love me because I’m too stupid to notice their agenda”. And it worked, it was one of the highest viewed videos of the year (beaten by Skylanders and that one Minecraft toy video).
And that’s the list! I’m surprised that I was able to get more moments than last year, even though most of it was fucking Skylanders.
What will 2015 bring? Will Chris realize his mistake and “un-retire” IG? Will he realize trying to talk to ghosts is nonsense? Will-
No… It’s not over. There’s still one more thing I need to discuss.
0. Disrespecting Justin “JewWario” Carmical
In January of this year, the gaming community lost a wonderful man. Justin Carmical AKA JewWario was said to be one of the nicest guys, who wanted nothing more than to show his love of Japanese video games to the world. When the news of his passing came, the internet was deeply saddened.
When someone told Chris the news… his remarks were absolutely deplorable.
Justin took his own life, whatever your opinions on suicide are, it’s best to be mindful of the victim and their families.
SOMEBODY DIDN’T TELL BORES THIS! Instead when learning the news, he remarks that he never heard of him (which isn’t a surprise given how cut off he is from the internet) but that Justin will “suffer in the afterlife because he didn’t go on his intended path”. He’s basically saying he will burn in Hell. What the fuck is wrong with you?! It doesn’t matter if you knew the guy or not, you don’t talk like that. Especially on a public place like Facebook where people can screen-cap the image and spread it around.
At no point has Chris personally apologized for his comments, and likely won’t because he’s too thick to notice or care.
I put this at 0 because of how absolutely disgusting this was. It only shows that for all the claims of being a religious, spiritual person, Chris Bores truly is a scumbag. That is why I keep doing, what I’m doing.
And that is the real end of the list. Did you have any stand-out moments? What do you think 2015 will bring?
All we know so far is that in January, Chris will appear on a reality TV show. Still no word on which one. Plus, more fucking Skylanders because what else. Supposedly more History of Video Games, but that’s such a joke at this point. I know Chris likes to think he’s this big “educational informative entertainer”, but the fact he gets information wrong combined with the unfunny random humor, it all adds up to a career of nothingness that nobody will take seriously.
See you next year!