Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Bores' First Foray Into Let's Play! It Goes About as Well as You Think

Still trying to work out how this will work. Maybe if Bores was more specific on what he released then I would be able to work around that. Like, every Friday will be a main video or something. Sadly, all we get is “Monday, Wednesday and Friday”. Thus, I don’t know what’s going to happen. Maybe he’s still paranoid that James will “steal his ideas”. What a bunch of crap.

Anyway, the March 23rd video is Chris Bores’ first attempt at doing a Let’s Play. Something he probably should have done YEARS ago. Strange how he accused James of being a PewDiePie rip-off in his “opening up” video, yet here he is doing the exact same thing he decried James for. The hypocrisy just doesn’t stop with you does it?

Since this is a Let’s Play video, I’m not going to do the usual beat by beat recap. Instead I’ll just be posting what I consider the “highlights”. It’s short, only 11 minutes long, but I took a quick look and… not much really happens.
So, what game will Bores do for his first ever Let’s Play? DuckTales. Again? Are weekly DuckTales videos just going to be a thing now? That seems like a bizarre niche.
Also, he titles the video “Ducktales NES Lets Play Video Game Review”. But didn’t you just review the game? How is this also a review? No, this is more of his bad habit of calling things that aren’t reviews “reviews”. Like his E3 previews.

- His reason for doing a Let’s Play. “A lot of things get lost when trying to condense it down to a 7 minute video” Then why is the video only 11 minutes long? You sound like you’re planning to show the whole game, but I know you’re not skilled enough to speed run it.
Something something “show you how I play”. This will hurt.

- Of course there’s face cam.

- HE’S PLAYING ON EASY! Oh wow! That Third Rate Gamer joke just became a lot more real. Also, to anyone that says he’s bad on purpose as “part of the act”, this proves you wrong!

- He attempts to explain how Capcom made all the Disney games at the time, starting with Mickey Mousecapade, or rather he forgets what the game is called and ACTUALLY PAUSES THE GAME TO FIND THE CARTRIDGE! Why?! Why would you show this?! This should have been edited out!

- He claims he played Mickey Mousecapade and wants to review it because it’s “an interesting game” and mentions how he couldn’t beat the final boss. … Seriously? I looked it up and the final boss is easy. All Maleficent does is shoot in the same straight line, you just jump and shoot her and win. All about timing… are you that incompetent when it comes to timing?

- “But we’re talking about DuckTales” This should have been edited out!

- He keeps going on about how Capcom made the other Disney games, he’s unsure if they worked on TailSpin. They did, they made the NES version. There was also a Genesis and TG-16 version published by Sega and NEC respectively. You could edit lines of text in post to correct yourself, like a lot of other good Let’s Players… but apparently that’s too much work.

- He reaches the bee area in the Amazon. He says he knows he bashed the game in the review, but that was only for “comedic purposes”, and starts claiming the bee area “isn’t that hard”. As he says this, he gets hit. Smoooooth.

- Apparently, Bores believe he can only make a funny review if he’s bashing the game. Noooo, you can make funny reviews without bashing everything. It’s hard work yes, but it’s rewarding. Hell, you don’t have to be “funny” all the time. If you’re talking about a good game, and find a joke opportunity, then use that. Don’t try to make a game look worse than it is because you don’t have any ideas. It only showcases how much of a hack Bores really is.

- He ends up dying because of his own stupidity… and resets the game. Claiming he wants to show the other levels. Wow, he really doesn’t know how Let’s Plays work. This is terrible.

- He goes to Translyvania, which he reiterates is his favorite level because “paranormal!”

- He mentions that NPCs in games “back then” were “really cool” because you didn’t see them often. Maybe if you played Dragon Qu- er Warrior, or Final Fantasy. Those were loaded with NPCs.
Oh… his reasoning is actually because licensed games weren’t faithful, but this was. … This is so dumb.

- Whoa, there is editing! … Then why didn’t you edit out those earlier parts?!

- He mentions the Remastered version, said it’s good and hopes they do the sequel. *looks at Capcom* Pfffffft

- There’s a long stretch where Bores barely says anything, and he really sounds bored through the whole thing. Eventually he gives up on Transylvania and just resets again. He doesn’t even die. At least try to beat the level!

- He goes to the African Mines, with some thrilling commentary. “So here we are at the African Mines…” *pause* “So here we are at the African Mines…” I am not kidding, he pauses then repeats himself. Am I having a fever dream?

- He brings up that “multitasking is hard” because he’s trying to talk to the camera as well. … Pretend the camera’s not there. The whole point of face cam is reactions, sure they talk to the audience beforehand, but during actual gameplay they almost never look at the camera. How are you getting this so wrong?

- He brags that he used to be able to tell you where everything was in this game. Oh please, you didn’t start playing this game until you bought your NES in 2006, and even then you probably didn’t play it for a few years.
He says the same thing for Legend of Zelda, how he used to know where everything was. No you didn’t.

- He dies thanks to bad timing and restarts. Even on Easy, he’s terrible at this.

- He skips the Himalayas claiming he has “nothing to talk about”. I wish Slowbeef still riffed bad Let’s Players…

- He heads to The Moon, and goes on about how iconic the level is, and how everyone remembers the iconic music. THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU BRING IT UP IN THE REVIEW?!
If someone tries to claim “because everyone remembers it”, that is a bad excuse. It leaves the review incomplete to leave out something like that.

- He mentions the spikes on the spaceship’s ceiling, which he left out of his review, and keeps hitting them and eventually dies. Again, this is on Easy.

- “I remember back in the day I used to beat this game all the time” Oh shut up, you are so full of shit.

- Another thing he didn’t mention in his review was how Dracula Duck reminded him of the cartoon Count Duckula. He doesn’t really expand on that. Then tries to brag about his “obscure” reference by saying “Guys growing up in the 80’s will understand that reference”. What do you want, a Ninja Turtles cookie? A Captain America GIF?

- He dies again, but surprisingly he doesn’t reset. Instead he edits to a later point when he gets to the pit with the space ducks.
“In my review, I made the same mistake in this stupid game” … Don’t call games you like “stupid”, it delivers the wrong idea.

- He dies… and that’s essentially the end of the video.

This video… was about what I expected a Chris Bores Let’s Play to be like. Terrible gameplay, and barely any commentary.
He sounded so bored through the entire thing. That’s not a good way to engage your audience.
Most of his commentary was "I remember playing this as a kid", he says it so many times in so many different ways. We get it, you want to cast the illusion that you played this a long time ago, but we know otherwise.
If you have so much trouble multi-tasking, don’t do face cam. I know that’s the big thing, but a lot of good Let’s Players don’t do that.
Also, leaving in crap like pausing the game to find Mickey Mousecapade, that shit needs to go.
I know your ego won’t allow it, but you need other people to play off of. You might actually get a laugh. Otherwise, it’s just Boring Bores droning on and on and on and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

We shall see what Wednesday brings.

79 comments:

  1. I couldn't believe it, Bores obviously watches a lot of "Lets Plays." How could he get this so wrong. How could he put zero effort into it?

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    2. The Bores will always find a way to fuck anything up.

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    3. How about how he turns "cool" into a two syllable word? Coooo-elll???

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  2. This is more proof he doesn't care about video games.

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  3. This review isn't even 2 minutes long and it's still better:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGTRoA8ZXBY

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    1. He also mentions Duckula in this review. Do you think that Bores saw- what the fuck am I saying, of course he did.

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  4. With Bores's history of stealing footage and passing it off as his own, I'm surprised he didn't just edit footage of him winter-gaming over video from a competent player's longplay.
    He probably will do that in the future.

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    1. Isn't this his second LP? He also did "South Park: The Stick of Truth"

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    2. Technically, that was an IG Neo review (and his last one to date.)

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    3. And the facecam was only used to show his laughing at jokes that were obviously funny.

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  5. This reminds me more of James & Mike Mondays than other types of Lets plays. It kept my attention about as long as NCs first(and only) Lets Play.

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    1. It's his first try though so he can only improve.

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    2. It seems that no matter what Chris Bores does, (when it comes to video games) he will always be compared to James Rolfe. Face facts Dr .Pepper, your hero is doomed to always be compared to James Rolfe.

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    3. Why are you trying to play devil's advocate on this blog all the time? Don't you know the horrible things Chris has done in the past? JewWario, Leonard Nimoy, "Opening Up", and the 4 in 1 Neo review just to name a few.

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    4. I wouldn't be surprised if 'Dr Pepper' is Jordan Ross under another pseudonym. Let's face it, he doesn't provide any arguments for defending Bores, he instead passes the buck onto other things and introduces non-sequitor examples to try and prove his infantile points. What a little bellend.

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    5. How am I defending him? I just said his lets play video was on par with the pos that was NCs first lets play video. Which if you haven't seen it, it was AWFUL.

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    6. True, but NC's not really a gamer (or at least doesn't make video games the focus of his videos). Bores is actually trying to be a gamer but ultimately fails does worse than the NC in his LP. At least NC could think of things to say throughout the entire thing while Bores just said "I remember this when I was a kid" the entire fucking time. Besides, NC's LP wasn't really meant to be a serious LP, especially given his style of comedy.

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    7. P.S. NC has made actual game REVIEWS that far surpass Bores's.

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    8. Bores is not going to improve. When he first started doing IG videos, they were in the "so bad it's good" category. It only got worse from there.

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    9. I now have greater respect for Doug's Let's Play of Bart's Nightmare than I do of Boring Man's LP of DuckTales. My lord, was that terrible!

      Let's hope Chris doesn't try to rip off Doug with an "apology video" about how terrible the LP was. (And speaking of apologizing, I can't believe he still hasn't done that with regards to what he said about JewWario... and he likely never will.)

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    10. NC's LP of Bart's Nightmare was... bad, but at the very least, it allowed for Slowbeef and Diabetus to hilariously riff on it.

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  6. Anyone notice that when he reset and started on the African Mines, there was no Louie there to tell him to go back to Transylvania to find the key? He must have edited that out - so why couldn't he edit out him pausing the game to get the Mickey Mousecapade cartridge?

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    1. Because he wanted to prove that he's a gamer by showing the cartridge. Even then, I still wouldn't believe he's a gamer regardless of whether he actually played that game or not.

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    2. I haven't really played this game, but I found it kind of odd that he just passed right through a keyed door...

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    3. This is an actual thing in the game... when you get the key from Transylvania and go back to the African Mines, Scrooge will phase through the door rather than it unlocking.

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    4. But the footage didn't show the warping to Transylvania. If he had reset the game and started on the African Mines like he showed, Louie should have been there to tell Scrooge to go to Transylvania to get the key. So he had to have edited that out.

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  7. You know, Imma big fan of informative and fun LPers. So instead of complaining about how awful this was, I'm going to promote my favorite LPer, Roahmmythril. Who, btw, has beaten every Robot Master in Megaman 1-10, plus V(Gameboy) and Megaman and Bass without losing health and with just the Mega Buster
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxGiy6nzzpg&list=PL38E14F458B281C82
    Though note he is kind of quiet in the early stuff, but he is really interesting, as well as being humorous. He also does other stuff like Silent Hill LPS and Spyro the Dragon 100%

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    1. He...does not like the X Series, sadly...

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    2. Then, why did he have a Mega Man X Nintendo Power Poster on his wall? I'd certainly like to see Bores try and answer that.

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    3. He was talking about a real Let's Player, not Bores.

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    4. One, my bad. Two, DAMMNNNN!!!!! You must be going for the triple threat.

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  8. So will Chris surpass DarkSydePhil in terms of LP ineptitude?

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    1. Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z.

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    2. That reference was about as out of place as one you'd find in a Chris Bores video. lol

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    3. We'll have to see. DSP's had some absolutely horrible moments in his LPs. Some that come to mind is the crouchjumping fiasco in Half-Life and pretty much any fighting game match he plays online. If Bores continues doing these, it just might happen.

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    4. @Hunter the Hunter- Well, it's leaps and bounds above "Someone call 911, 'cause I was R.O.B.bed!"

      @Josh Walker- Watching DSP get bodied has gotta be some of the funniest shit I've seen on YouTube, especially the times he got double perfected and trolled by meakgg.

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    5. True. I just wanted to get a shot to make fun of Bores, not insult you.

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    6. I figured as much with that "lol" at the end, but if anything, you can call that exchange a double tap.

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    7. @Brandon You know you're terrible at LP's and fighting games when montage videos making fun of you are more entertaining. I could marathon all of the 'This Is How You DON'T Play' videos, because all the comments shown while the video plays are quite hilarious.

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    8. Maybe the fans will get their long awaited collab after all!
      https://youtu.be/Ximnm8AKJ8M?t=1m9s

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    9. That statement's so ironic to hear considering DSP has become just about as irrelevant as IG. I sometimes wonder if Phil's ego is worse than Chris's.

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  9. Apparently, he uploaded that crappy GI Joe PSA he did. If you want a good spoof of those, go watch the gag dubs by Fensler Films . Those are real oldies but goodies, more than what Chris claims .

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    1. The video should have been called "I spend a minute stroking my own dick over a random, unfunny pop culture reference I made over a year ago so that I can fill my vague video requirements for Wednesday".

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    2. Im wondering what is coming on Friday? "Hey Guys, remember the ice cube sketch from my X-men Review"? No quality and effort at all.

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    3. You actually expect both of those from Chris Bores?

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    4. Actually no, but i think he hit his new low with his new schedule he thought was needed. So no, its going more downhill than its even possible.

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  10. I found our friend Dr. Pepper commenting on the Irate Gamer LP from Monday.

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  11. Yeaaah that video is not worth making an entire post about. I'll do the write-up on Friday's video... if that's worth commenting on.

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    1. Or if Bores actually uploads it during the fucking day on Friday when people will watch it.

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  12. I'll give him this: Looking again at the tape-on-mouth gag, it's almost miraculously smooth. It really doesn't look like before-and-after pieces of video were edited together, which is how I have to assume it was done.

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  13. i can kinda give doug a pass since his thing isn't video games and the like. i know it. he knows it. everyone knows it. and at least he said he was sorry.


    for bores, who claims to be an old school gamer and who's whole thing is based around video games, he should have known how to do a proper LP. he knows how to edit. he knows to capture footage. it's not that hard. so he fucked up something so damn simple!

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    1. Yeah, I didn't even find it as bad as others said; nor did I find out the reception until the following week's review of James and the Giant Peach. Boring Man, however, failed on every conceivable level of how to a do a let's play. I can only imagine what Friday will bring.

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    2. Is there a universal set of rules on how to do a Let's Play? I thought you just popped in a video game, recorded it on YouTube, and talked while you played.

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  14. Is my memory foggy or didn't Bores say the GI Joe episode was considered to be a season 5 episode back then? Today he says it was from season 4. Dear God, the many can't even keep the seasons of his own show straight, how is he going to manage something as complicated as bees in the DuckTales game?

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  15. The GI Joe cameo was ripped straight from Family Guy. I remember it was from the first new episode after it got pulled off the air for a few years.

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    1. Dun-dun-dunnnnnnnnnnn!

      Oh dear, next you'll be telling me that that one time Jennifer posted on the blog, it was Buggin the whole.

      Don't take the wrong way, I just thought that his unwavering apologetics were such obvious tell considering the forum that he shared them on.

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    2. Also: a spy on whom, for whom?

      And why?

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    3. I found him commenting on Bores's LP.

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    4. But it was constructive criticism, so there's no way it was Bores or "Buggin".

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  17. New Nerd episode, BTW:

    http://cinemassacre.com/2015/03/26/hong-kong-97-super-famicom-angry-video-game-nerd/

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    1. STUPID SONG STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!

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    2. I liked the episode, especially Nerd's reactions to the game's plot. (Deng vs Chin!) Also liked that he went the extra mile with the game's references.

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    3. I'd like to see Bores try and review this game. His style of "comedy" would not go will with it.

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    4. And I have a bad feeling he would use racism. A TON of racism... when and if he does review the game.

      And I did see the new episode! Man, I bet James never laughed this hard... especially with really LOLcow-worthy dialogue the game has.

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  18. Just watched his latest 'Best of Irate Moment' video, talking about Flint from GI Joe.

    "There's not a lot of pictures of him floating around the Internet."

    Hmmm, I beg to differ:

    https://www.google.com/search?q=flint+gi+joe&biw=1280&bih=617&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=tggVVabdKYuG8QXviYKABw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ#tbm=isch&q=flint+gi+joe+cartoon

    That's possibly the most idiotic thing Chris has said so far in his videos.

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  19. Well, nothing yet for Friday. Chris can never hold himself to a schedule. I don't know where he comes off saying he can do routine videos on a weekly basis. It takes him months just to make a few minute video on average.

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    1. He'll probably post it at 11 PM again and still thinks that people won't be tired enough to watch it.

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    2. I'm guessing it will be a video link to his farting monk video from several years ago.

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    4. Do you guys think his dad was really sick. I, for one, find it hard to believe.

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    5. Stop.
      I will call Bores a liar on many things. Claiming that he's faking his dad being sick is going too far.

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  20. His Friday video is up. It's a review of Mario Party 10.
    https://youtube.com/watch?v=OAQifaKoUcw

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    1. More Amiibo as well. This is gonna hurt.

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  21. If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up) you need to watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Text Your Ex Back?

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