Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The Return of an Old "Favorite". Summer Movies!

Oh man, it’s been a LONG time since he did one of these. When was the last one? *checks* 2011! What was on that list?
Thor (decent)
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (stupid)
The Hangover Part II (fuck this noise)
X-Men: First Class (good stuff)
Super 8 (I completely forgot this movie exists)
Green Lantern (laaaame)
Transformers: Dark of the Moon (fuck this noise)
Captain America: The First Avenger (great)
The Smurfs (… are you kidding me?)
Cowboys & Aliens (Zzzzzzzzzzzzz)
Keep in mind, this was done by release order after a few years of putting immense shit near the top.

By the way Chris, you are late! We’re well into the “Summer Movie Season”. Avengers: Age of Ultron has already made a billion dollars worldwide, Mad Max: Fury Road has surprised everyone, and we already have our first major flop with Tomorrowland. You should have posted this in like April.

The video opens with Chris saying he used to do these lists, but doesn’t say why he stopped. I’m actually curious as 2012-2014 were massive Summers overall.
He claims he got requests to do one for this year. Suuuure, and totally not “I don’t have any material for this week… better dust off this old chestnut”

First movie is Minions. I have not seen either of the Despicable Me movies so my interest in this spin-off is… non-existent. Maybe one day I’ll sit down and watch all three.
He put it on the list because he likes the Minions and it looks funny. Next.

Next is Jurassic World. Please be good.
Chris says he didn’t like the previous sequels. You are not alone in thinking this.
He hopes it’s good… Next!

Next is San Andreas. I saw the trailer at Fury Road, it bored me.
He’s actually apprehensive about this being good as disaster movies tend to have bad plots. Then why did you put this on the list? Oh… trailer “wowed” him. You’re far too easily entertained. Also, this is coming really soon. This Friday. Again, you should have done this last month.

Next is Ted 2. Oh gross. Seth McFarlane shouldn’t be allowed on a movie set after A Million Ways to Die in the West. We get it, you wanted to be Blazing Saddles! You are not Mel Brooks!
Wait, what’s up with this poster he’s showing? Mila Kunis is there, even though she’s not in the movie. The trailers and the cast lists confirm this. Is this a fan made poster? It must be as the top says “The second motion picture from the creator of Family Guy”. Either that or he’s pretending Million Ways didn’t happen.
Bores is all “it’s going to be great” and says “creative mind behind Family Guy”. I’m going to go laugh now, and it might be a long time before I stop.

Okay, I’m good.

Next is Ant-Man. His costume really makes me want a big budget Kamen Rider movie.
“I know people are like ‘Ant-Man? What the hell is this?” Are you speaking for your fans? Cause at this point I’m pretty sure most people know who Ant-Man is now. The trailers have been out for a while.
He thought Guardians of the Galaxy was going to be stupid. … You’re a fool Chris. Then again, I saw so many people claim it was going to bomb. Hopefully they’re not repeating the same mistake with Ant-Man. Otherwise, crows will go extinct.
Blah blah Marvel track record. No mention of Avengers Chris?

Next is… Pixels. Stop. No. It’s an Adam Sandler movie, it’s going to be garbage. I don’t care if this has old video game characters, I don’t care if it somehow gets Amaterasu, Crono, Banjo-Kazooie, and Wonder-Red, it’s going to be shit.
“Probably my most anticipated movie of this summer” HEY GUYZ I’M TOTES A GAMER! How? How can anyone be excited for an Adam Sandler movie?
“It has Donkey Kong, and Galgaga that I saw” And somehow doesn’t mention Pac-Man despite him being front and center on the poster and in most of the trailers.
“good Adam Sandler movie” That is an oxymoron. Before anyone points out Punch-Drunk Love, that is not an Adam Sandler movie, that is a Paul Thomas Anderson movie that just so happens to have Adam Sandler. There’s a difference.
“I just hope it’s good and not stupid” … You are naïve.

“Alright so that’s my list” Wait, that’s it? That was only six movies. What happened to ten? Have you gotten that lazy?
Oh but he does bring up one more movie. No, not Inside Out, instead it’s Fantastic Four.
He says it’s not on the list because he didn’t like the trailer. What’s this? Chris being sensible?
“Johnny Storm is a black person” Oh shut up Chris. That is the least of this movie’s problems. People need to stop being hung up on this aspect, there’s an even greater assassination of character in “antisocial hacker Dr. Doom”. This movie is going to suck even if Johnny was white.
“I don’t know how that’s going to work” Well obviously the movie will explain. Though I can’t imagine the thought process behind “Let’s take the great, powerful leader of Latveria, and make him a 4chan user”.

That’s pretty much the end.
Even though it’s been a while, it’s still safe to say that Chris has terrible taste in movies.
Onto Friday then?

59 comments:

  1. I can't imagine the new FF being worse than Tim Story's duology. Trank made Chronicle, so I'm wondering how he'll do a big-budget piece like that. Ant-man should be fun, but Pixels looks like a poor man's Wreck-it Ralph. Minions might be funny, and I also hope Jurassic World is better than JPIII. I can wait for the DVD of San Andreas, but Ted 2 may indeed fall victim to Hangover syndrome .
    Dan, see you Friday . Think I'll watch Dark City again .

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    1. I'm so fucking pumped for Jurassic World.

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  2. I posted this on the last thread:

    "Minions: I have doubt. Despicable Me 2 was nowhere near as good as the first one, and Universal is milking the Minions cash cow to death.

    Jurassic World: Feels like another unnecessary extension to a classic franchise for a quick cash grab. Though I will admit, it actually does look like it will be good.

    San Andreas: It's a generic-looking military/action/disaster film starring Dwayne Johnson. What about it screams "critical acclaim?" Also, the reviews are out right now. It's shit. What a shock.

    Ted 2: Of course Bores would love a movie made by Seth MacFarlane, though it seems odd that he doesn't know his name, considering the fact that his humor is heavily based off of Family Guy's. Then again, knowing the pussy that Bores is, he's probably trying to make himself look original by pretending not to know as much about Seth MacFarlane as most people do.

    Ant-Man: I actually can't find much, if not anything, wrong with what Bores has to say about this one. Ant-Man looks like it will exceed expectations.

    Pixels: STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE US YOU'RE A FUCKING GAMER, BORES! YOU'RE NOT ONE AND YOU NEVER WILL BE! Also, Adam Sandler, so I can't really predict it will be good.

    Fantastic Four: Uh, yeah, no one is looking forward to the Fantastic Four reboot, Bores. Do you really just want to think that you defy the norm in a good way? Also, way to look racist."

    He probably didn't mention Inside Out because he thought it looked "kiddy." And this is coming from a guy with 99% of his audience composed of people 12 years old and under,

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  3. I have my doubts on the Fantastic Four reboot coming out. Not because they made Johnny Storm African-American. Its largely the whole project is turning me off on it. Especially hearing how Josh Trank acted during production on the movie. The trailer was so unappealing. The colors were monotone, the acting lifeless, the dialogue dull. There doesn't seem to be any energy to this movie. It looks like its doing the same thing Man of Steel is doing: being serious and Nolan-esque without being, y'know, fun.

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  4. Hey, I have a question. Considering the sociopathy of Camp Omega in MGS:GZ, why aren’t Paz and Chico hooded? The other prisoners are hooded. And don’t give me that bullcrap that they couldn’t do it to a girl and a little kid, the guards drilled screws into their feet like anybody else, puts their prisoners in cages (while their prisoners are hooded), would leave their prisoners hooded for an entire month just because they felt like it and would pour water on a hooded prisoner’s face and shoot him for trying to run away despite the fact that he either can’t or can barely see through that bag on his head. THOSE are worse forms of torture than having a black bag over your head.

    Yes, I know it was a trap, but Paz wasn’t even in a cage. She’s just locked inside a room. There’s no reason why she wouldn’t be hooded. Also, why doesn’t Big Boss remove the prisoners’ hoods when he rescues them?

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  5. What is so bad about Tomorrowland?

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    1. It may have opened at #1, but it cost $190 million to make . It's probably not going to hold well either. So, it's essentially this year's John Carter.

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  6. Garh this new Doom in Fantastic Four.....how the hell do they keep messing this up? At least the 2005 movie Doom was the arrogant rich guy we know he is. The one good thing--and this is a silver lining in a sea of garbage, from what I've seen and read--is that he's back to actually being tech savvy.

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    1. I personally wonder how a cyberterrorist Dr. Doom is going to fare. As for Johnny: I do like his actor's response to the racist comments he's gotten such as those from Boring Man. The real question remains is if Trank can successfully make the transition to a big-budget action film after Chronicle (I haven't seen it yet, but I heard it was good). I may take look at Tim Story's duology when it gets closer to coming out for my YouTube channel.

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  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. Yeah, sensitivity is not something Chris has done well in the past; given the Road Trip videos, treating the X-Men like servants, and pretty much everything with Ronnie. It's in tune with most of the nonsensical flack that casting has taken. As long as he can read a line convincingly; it's got my $10.

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    2. coughJewWariocough
      coughLeonardNimoycough

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    3. I wonder if Chris is a cop.

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    4. No. With his intelligence, he'd be dead on the first criminal chase.

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    5. Most cops don't get put on criminal cases; they either pull people over for speeding, stand there to block traffic, or harass people for "looking suspicious".

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  8. theirategamer.com hasn't been updated in a week. Wonder if his 'staff' is rethinking their involvement.

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    1. That one Yarnick guy I see commenting on all of Bores's videos and who I have talked to before doesn't seem to have any articles posted on the site at all.

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  9. I'll be honest-- I'm really not a fan of any of the Marvel movies. Love the cartoons and video games, though.

    And here's my thoughts on Boring Man's list:

    Minions - I'll have to see the first Despicable Me movie again before I have an opinion.

    Jurassic World - Hopefully, it's not as bad as The Lost World or (to an extent) Jurassic Park III. Gotta admire Chris Pratt, though.

    San Andreas - Generic military movie. NEXT!

    Ted 2 - I want to see this movie. Is it wrong for me to say I liked the first? *awaits people grabbing torches and pitchforks to chase after me*

    Ant-Man - Never even heard of it. *gasps from crowd*

    Pixels - It's Adam Sandler, so my guess is it's gonna bust just as hard as Jack and Jill did. Look at the track record of movies not named Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, The Wedding Singer, and Hotel Transylvania.

    And Bores thinks Inside Out is kiddy? Bullcrap. In fact, my Facebook and Twitter profile pic, since a couple of weeks ago, has been Disgust. She's how I feel whenever Bores says something stupid. (Plus, she's my favorite of Riley's emotions in the movie.)

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    1. Lewis Black as Anger could sum up feelings towards the list as well, and Amy Poehler as Joy should express how much I want to see it. I expect it will be great .

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    2. Plus, Mindy Kaling as Disgust sums up my thoughts on not only this list, but all the REALLY dumb stuff Boring Man has done over the years...

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    3. Have you ever seen Big Daddy and/or Mr. Deeds? Those are fairly good Adam Sandler movies, I think.

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    4. Big Daddy was garbage. Mr. Deeds... meh.

      (Speaking of the latter, the original Mr. Deeds Goes to Town movie from 1936 with Gary Cooper is worth watching, though.)

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    5. It makes me sad that Nintendo gave Adam Sandler permission to use Donkey Kong in his film. Just typing that sentence felt so wrong.

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    6. Heck, I'm honestly amazed they actually got the creator of Pac-Man for a cameo.

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  10. Considering how bad the PR movie will be, and how much Toei craps on the KRs with the Taisen Movies, I think I'll just stick with Ant Man

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    1. I imagine it will be an enjoyably silly kiddie movie like the 1995 one was (or at least better than the Turbo movie was); but JDF has also expressed interest in making a PG13 action film. It probably won't be like that viral video; I really wasn't a fan of how nihilistic Shankar made the franchise look. I do concede that Pacific Rim would be a good model to follow for any potential Megazord fights with more than 20 years of advances in effects (and unlike Gipsy Danger; the Megazord is a bona fide icon for me. Glad I finally got my Legacy Megazord.).

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    2. Yeah, I'd believe that if we didn't live in a world where people believe that Man of Steel is a good representation of Superman.

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    3. That fan film to me made Man of Steel look like a friggin' Looney Tunes cartoon. I honestly do not want a movie where Rocky is a traitor to the Machine Empire; Tommy is a drifter, and Bulk and Skull are Sons of Anarchy rejects. However, if they must go a darker route, RPM would be a good model to follow (very surprised it's Go-Onger's polar opposite, since that was the first Sentai I watched).

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    4. The new movie is being written by Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz. The writers of Thor and X-Men: First Class.
      If anything, I see the new movie as something similar to the MCU, likely with a touch of Pacific Rim.

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  11. Amazing! I went to Anime North this weekend and when I get back, this is what I'm looking forward to? Two very lazy lists from Boring Man himself? Eesh, he just finds new ways to be lazy, doesn't he?
    >.<#

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    1. You were at Anime North? Apparently there was a really cool Jet Set Radio Future cosplay group there, did you see them?

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    2. Unfortunately, I didn't see any Jet Set Radio cosplayers. I did take lots of pictures of Fire Emblem cosplayers, though...

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  12. Here's my response to Chris' movie picks:

    1. Minions - I like the first Despicable Me but I never saw the second. Maybe I will before seeing this so I can consider watching it.

    2. Jurassic World - Hoping and praying that it will be better than the craptastic Jurassic Park III. I don't care what anyone says about Lost World: Jurassic Park. I love that movie as much as the first.

    3. San Andreas:...hmmmm...maybe a DVD release or Netfilx upload so I won't be spending $10 for a ticket.

    4. Ted 2: the first one I love cause it was funny. This I will watch when it comes out but I still hope it will be a lot funnier than the first.

    5. Ant-Man. I love the Marvel movies and comics...but...FUCK YOU, Bores for saying Guardians of the Galaxy suck.

    6. Pixels:...uhhhh...maybe.

    7. Fantastic 4 Reboot: DVD release.

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    1. Or just watch the Nostalgia Critic reviews of all the shitty ones when (and if) he does them.

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  13. Call me crazy, but I hope that Pixels will be a good movie, regardless of it being an Adam Sandler movie.

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  14. Who thinks that Inside Out will be good?

    Honestly, I'm afraid. Afraid that Inside Out will be another disappointment from Pixar. Monsters University was alright. But it definitely wasn't as good as Pixar's previous films. And Cars 2 was completely unnecessary. At least Brave was good.

    I hope Pixar's reputation doesn't decline again with Inside Out.

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    1. Doug Walker hates Monster University, and I really can't blame him. Although, I'm surprised why no one brings up the fact that Mike and Sulley still become top employees in Monster's Inc. anyway without any college education. I wish that shit could happen IRL. Also, cut to 1:03 of this YouTube Poop to see another mistake of the film (or just watch the whole poop, because it's fucking funny).

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcGJFjNwHPk

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    2. If Steve Jobs and Bill Gates can still become founders and CEOs of Apple and Microsoft without graduating from college, I don't see why Mike and Sulley still becoming top employees of Monsters Inc is a problem.

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  15. BTW, my thoughts on Bores' 2011 summer list:

    Thor - Enjoyable

    Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides - First two movies were better

    The Hangover Part II - Loved it, but that's just me

    X-Men: First Class - Not as good as the first two movies, but still enjoyable

    Super 8 - Didn't see it

    Green Lantern - Didn't bother to see it

    Transformers: Dark of the Moon - Oh, Michael Bay, what have you done to this franchise? I watched it with friends, and I was inching to go back home to watch G1 and Prime instead.

    Captain America: The First Avenger - Boring and generic, but it's just my opinion

    The Smurfs - Loved the cartoon. HATED this movie. Aren't the Smurfs supposed to be in Belgium and not New York?

    Cowboys & Aliens - Don't we already have another film about cowboys in space with... uh... Space Cowboys? Go watch that instead.

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    1. I personally thought Transformers Dark Side of the Moon was the best out of all the Bay Transformers movies. Granted, it was still a big pile of shit, but at least it was WAY WAY better than the first, which I regard as one of the absolute worst movies ever made.

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  16. Since this might continue to be Movie Poop Shoot till tomorrow, it turns out Paramount is making a live-action Beyblade movie . Arceus, can you imagine 165 minutes of spinning tops and the possibility of Shia LaBeouf as Tyson? And I thought 4 Bayformer movies were insane.

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    1. You're a really die-hard Pokemon fan, aren't you?

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    2. Yes, considerably. That equality symbol has been my avatar since the X and Y launch . Either way, that flick is going to be insane, much like its source material.

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    3. Well, how about having either Luke Ford (who played Alex in The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor) or Kip Pardue (who starred in a 2001 racing drama called Driven with Sylvester Stallone) as Tyson for the Beyblade movie?

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  17. I actually thought A Million Ways to Die in West was hilarious, for some reason.

    Remember when someone heard said they wanted an "Anita Sarkeesian Sucks" blog? I want one too. It's hard to find in-depth criticism of Anita's videos. If someone made a blog like this one about her stuff, I'd be happy. Obviously, it couldn't be a quarter as scathing or vitriolic as this blog, owing to what is admittedly a double standard about badmouthing women. Anyone here want to start one?

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    1. Well, Jason Rivera said it best about Miss Sarkeesian:

      "Anita Sarkeesian. This woman pretty much hates everything fun that ever existed. I bet her vagina stinks with the strong stench of being a HateBitch."

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  18. Speaking of Bayformers, is anyone else here intrigued by the fact that Robert Kirkman will be part of the writers' room on the spin-off films?

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    1. I'm eager to have the Ant Man writers on board as well. Especially since Marvel movies are the ones Bayformers wish they could be ever since the first Iron Man.

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    2. They even have someone from The Walking Dead writing department to be one of he writers.

      Personally I don't know how the fuck they can continue this series since most of the core characters of the Transformers franchise, Arcee, Jazz, Ironhide, Starscream, Shockwave, Soundwave, Sideswipe, Wheeljack, Ratchet and Devastator are all DEAD. Sure there are still other characters who can still make an appearance like Rodimus and Ultra Magnus, but without the characters that I mentioned earlier appearing in the later films, it wouldn't be worth revisiting this series.

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  19. I officially guess that tomorrow's video will be another Loot Crate unboxing.

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    1. I second this, with a possibility of an Irate the 80s or feeding his Skylanders habit. I honestly hope he's not doing more Amiibo bragging. However, I've been wrong before .

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    2. Probably a Splatoon "review" while showing off Amiibos like the fucker he is.

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    3. ...And you were right, Hunter. And it's only 3 minutes long, which at least makes it easy on BatDan.

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  20. With the day being more than half over and nothing so far; I shall briefly give my thoughts on the 2011 list. Thor: not my favorite single hero phase 1 Marvel movie; but it was enjoyable. Pirates of the Caribbean 4: My least favorite entry so far. Hangover Part II: I don't know of Tyson's cover of "One Night in Bangkok" or a Thai cover of "I Ran (So Far Away)" is worse. X-Men First Class: Restored goodwill for the franchise after the divisive Last Stand and horrid Origins Wolverine. Super 8: A great homage to the Spielberg adventure films of the 1970s and 1980s done in the style of one of those films. Green Lantern: I still cannot fathom how much potential was wasted with that film. TF3: Possibly the best of the original trilogy, which really isn't saying much. Captain America: The First Avenger-My second favorite single-hero Phase 1 movie behind the first Iron Man. The Smurfs: I haven't seen too much of the series prior; but it was at least better than this vulgar garbage. Cowboys and Aliens: Enjoyable for what it was. Well; I'll keep checking to see what Chris has planned. My usual guess is more of his 80s and Skylanders fetishes. Plus, it's my One Piece day.

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  21. Latest video's up. It's a Splatoon review! But didn't that game just come out?!?

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  22. Minions: Probably won't see. The Despicable Me movies were alright, but the little guys are getting so whored out, even Dreamworks tried to get in on that action with Home.
    Jurassic World: Loved the first, have grown a little cold on the second as I've grown older, third was a piece of shit. Hopefully these guys won't shoot themselves in the foot. Again.
    San Andreas: No joke, I thought this was another Emmerich production. Friggin' pass; call me when the Rock gets into the Black Adam costume.
    Ted 2: No.
    Ant-Man: Haven't seen the Marvel movies since Incredible Hulk; no joke. Interesting that they went with Scott Lang than the traditional Hank Pym, tho.
    Pixels: Sandler isn't directing or wrote the script. Chris Columbus has a decent track record. Hopefully, this will pull off another Genndy Tartakovsky's Hotel Transylvania

    Super 8: See it. It's actually pretty good!
    Mad Max - Fury Road: Despite the ambigous timeline, the movie rocked.
    Tomorrowland: Wanted to like it more than I did, but didn't regret seeing it per se. All I gotta say is that people need to stop letting Damon Lindelof write; this is the second time he's fucked up a promising premise.

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  23. "Before anyone points out Punch-Drunk Love, that is not an Adam Sandler movie, that is a Paul Thomas Anderson movie that just so happens to have Adam Sandler. There’s a difference."

    But the main draw of the film was really Adam Sandler more than Anderson. You're just nitpicking.for the sake of nitpicking. Adam Sandler's bad, yes, but devaluing him in a movie that he was actually okay in doesn't do anything.

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  24. There are so many issues with this article that I am gonna make a full commentary on it addressing the issues.

    I'm still shocked that you still bother with this guy.

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    1. The commentary is complete, here is a link to it:

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7aVWKQ2bihQ

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