I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but as per usual, my writing relies on Bores, and he has posted jack and shit.
After that painful Donkey Kong video:
The week of July 27th gave us… nothing. Period. No videos, no posts on his site, no Facebook or Twitter posts. Complete radio silence. He always had a bad habit of doing this, but I would hope that keeping a schedule would mean providing excuses for missing deadlines. Apparently that’s too optimistic.
The week of August 3rd did see two videos.
First one was more fucking Skylanders. I didn’t bother.
Though he did say something in the comments that bugged me (thanks to my informant for finding it). Someone said they hope this is the last Skylanders game as they feel the franchise is being milked (I agree). Bores responded (and I‘m paraphrasing) “Activision doesn’t stay too long at the party. They milked Guitar Hero for a while, bowed out at the right time, and are bringing it back to test the waters” *siiighs* You ignorant fucker.
Activision didn’t stop Guitar Hero because it was the “right time”, they did it because the market was flooded with this crap and nobody was buying it. The last game, Warriors of Rock, BOMBED, selling 86k units in its first week. There is no way to spin that into a positive (Guitar Hero III sold 1.5 million in its first week). Do you know who was responsible for that market flood? Activision! They notoriously released 5 Guitar Hero games in 2010 (6 if you count Band Hero), combined with Rock Band and other companies attempts at getting that market, the rhythm game genre completely collapsed.
As for “testing the waters”, they’re doing it as cheaply as possible. Guitar Hero Live will only have guitar (if you want drums, go to Rock Band 4) and is using live-action FMV instead of animating their own character models. What is this, 1994?
Maybe if you took your head out of Bobby Kotick’s ass for one second, you’d realize Activision are full of crap!
Moving on. Second video was an interview he did with a local radio show about his stupid ghost stuff. It’s funny really. If someone wants to do an interview about Irate Gamer, you clam up and hide. If someone wants to talk about your stupid ghost stuff, you won’t shut up. Nobody cares Bores, ghosts aren’t real! It’s even reflected in the views and ratings. Low views even by his standards, and so many dislikes. Maybe you should make a second channel for this crap, since nobody wants to see it. Oh wait, he tried that with Skylanders and failed. Nothing stops this train!
Onto now, the week of August 10th. No video on Tuesday… smooth.
But he did post something on Thursday.
*reads title* “KP Sling Review Goes Wrong - Comic Con Carry Bag” … Really? Have we seriously gotten this low? You’re talking about a bag now? You dedicated an entire video to a bag. I am just stunned. What’s next, a video where you “review” a lamp?
Also, “Review Goes Wrong”. Oh no, this is going to be like the video intercom “review”, where the “going wrong” was just stupid bits involving his toys.
Reading the description, it turns out this is on Kickstarter and he provided a link to it. Once again, major double standards from Bores. “Kickstarter should only be used for educational purposes” What is educational about this bag?! Just admit you were wrong and you only bashed Kickstarter because James Rolfe was in a vulnerable place.
Let’s start the video.
Video opens. He apologizes for the delay, saying his “fatherly duties” (girlfriend’s kids) and the upcoming school year kept him from new videos. Wow, an actual excuse for once. Nothing bad to say there.
“All the comic con events” You do realize there’s more than “comic book conventions” out there right? Hell, I’m pretty sure anime conventions outnumber comic book conventions now. There’s toys, video games, and even dedicated franchises like Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Power Rangers. All get their own cons. I’m just saying.
He opens one pouch and takes out one of his cameras. “Film all sorts of crazy shenanigans” What you do barely qualifies as “shenanigans”, they wouldn’t even register on the chart.
Oh and he brings up that he filmed Jason David Frank, showing that clip again. Yes, we know, you paid JDF to let him film you. You’re not fucking special, anyone can do that, the man’s a god damn attention whore and has a notably bad reputation with the fan community. Of course you don’t know that because like so many others, your PR knowledge is stuck in 1994.
Then he takes out a Mechakoopa plushie. Why?
“To throw at people” …. You’re not funny.
Then he takes out a copy of his Pursuit of the Paranormal DVD, then suddenly a red filter with the words “Cheap Plug” flashing. … My god you have no shame. Gross.
Then a copy of a Monster High book. Don’t take your girlfriend’s kids stuff for your videos. It feels crass.
Then a copy of Everybody Poops. I refer to above.
So yeah, this is the entire video. He takes random shit out of the bag. All that was supposed to be in one pouch, even though it’s blatantly obvious that he edited it all together.
In another pouch, he takes out three amiibo, one of his Minion Megabloks (boy he’s really getting his money’s worth from these) and some of the girlfriend’s kids’ toys (MLP, Strawberry Shortcake, Tinkerbell). Just stop…
Then he takes out a copy of his first DVD, and more “Cheap Plug”. Even if you trying to do this ironically, it’s not funny. It’s more desperate.
Then he takes out a magnifying glass to “look at this pouch a little closer”. … I get the feeling he made this video for his girlfriend’s kids. That magnifying glass bit felt like something out of a PBS Kids show. Plus it would explain why he has all their toys and books.
The “closer look” is just him saying “here’s the inside” and moving on.
Then the third pouch, which has toilet paper, a toothbrush, deodorant, his 3DS (put that in your pocket) and Q-tips. He wants to put his “bust of Atlas” in the bag (“LOOK AT MY COOL STATUE”), brings up a “secret” compartment and finds tampons, complete with OTT mugging. Then he takes out a sword, by which he picks it up off the floor and films it to make the bag look infinite, and goes off to kill the person that did this.
EDIT: I just realized, his "bust of Atlas" isn't even a bust at all. It's a full-on statue. A bust would just be his head and chest, but he has limbs. That's a statue. I really shouldn't be surprised Bores doesn't know the difference.
Once again, this was not a review. Much like the video intercom, he barely touches on the bag itself. He doesn’t actually do anything with it. He doesn’t wear it (the Kickstarter shows you can), he doesn’t mention if it can be adjusted for bigger or smaller framed people, nor if it’s easy to carry, or how much weight it can hold.
But no, it's a video made to tell one joke. For three minutes. Holy crap how bankrupt is that?
And people in the comments are eating this shit up! How can you not see this?! What is the appeal?! Where is the joke?! Just… why?!
I don’t think he’s going to post anything today so I’m putting this up. Who knows when I’ll post something again.
Oh and just a reminder. Blip is going down next Thursday (August 20th). This is the last chance to see certain IG videos before they go away. Like Sonic Generations, the original Tekken 6 review, and various original reviews before editing them for YouTube or adding stupid bits. Unless people download them and upload them to various videos sites.