Minecraft Puppet Steve Part 2: Who Needs Sense Anyway?

Chris has been a busy guy when it comes to the puppet show. Several videos over the past couple weeks. So much for my “three part plan”.

Apparently Chris REALLY doesn’t want people to know about this channel. According to MacDragard, someone posted about it on one of his Facebook pages, and it was quickly deleted. Someone should inform Chris about the Striesand Effect. Though, I do believe there’s a good reason he hasn’t been open about this. Looking at the comments of recent Irate Gamer videos, most of them are fans pissed off that he’s not providing new content, only paid promotional crap. If they learned this is what he’s been doing instead, they would really be mad.
Not to mention how he claimed on Facebook that “I don’t have the time or money to do more Irate Gamer”. Well, apparently he has the time to put together all these puppet videos, and the money to buy all the toys featured, and several boxes of Cinnamon Toast Crunch (I’ll get to that in a future post). It would be another massive lie Chris told his fans, and there’s only so many lies before it all topples over.

Anyway, time to look at more of these lame videos. That’s really the best word to describe them, lame.

Video #9: Lego Dimensions Ghostbusters Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Superman, Review Unboxing - Minecraft

Let me just say, Chris has completely undersold how batshit insane Lego Dimensions really is. They make full use of the crossover potential. As an example, to get past some of the Turrets in the Portal 2 level, you summon the talking tree from The Wizard of Oz to take them out. In the Ghostbusters level, you fight General Zod. In the DC Comics level you fight Sauron, and in the endgame you get assistance from GLaDOS, the 12th Doctor, the Ghostbusters, and the ship from Defender. Seriously there’s a whole level dedicated to Midway Arcade games and Chris said NOTHING. The most he addressed was “the two Chris Pratt characters make a joke together derp”. Then again, that’s what happens when you rush to get a review out without actually getting through the game.

He’s going to look at Wave 4 of Lego Dimensions. Where’s Aquaman?
“Wave 4? Wow, somebody’s making a lot of money!” More like they planned this out in advance and steadily released the figures over time. But yes, they are making money, if they weren’t there wouldn’t be a “Year 2” with Adventure Time and Harry Potter.
First he looks at Superman. Says he’s smug and wants to slap him. Have fun with a broken hand.
Superman can fly and use his “X-Ray vision” to destroy enemies. That’s his heat vision you moron! How can you not tell the difference? Some DC fan you are.
The Hover Pod he comes with has a “cool energy attack”. He just bumps into things. Where’s the energy?
Onto Stay Puft. “I suddenly have a craving for some s’mores” *rolls eyes*
He says that since this is the first time Stay Puft has a Lego minifig, he’s going to be hard to find. *checks Amazon* Plenty in stock *checks other stores* Plenty in stock. You have no idea how value & rarity works do you Chris?
You can lay down a “marshmallow smackdown”. “I haven’t seen a smackdown that epic since I came to town” Is there a story behind this joke or are you just being stupidly random again?
Mentions the Terror Dog that comes with it.
Oh, there’s Aquaman. “I hope he doesn’t throw a dolphin at me!” Uggggh… Wait, no mention of the Aqua Watercraft he comes with? I suspect he didn’t actually buy the set itself, but used a pre-existing Aquaman mini-fig as the base he’s on actually belongs to Chell from Portal (according to one of the comments). There is footage, but that could easily be taken from another channel.

Finally onto the Midway Arcade Level Pack, which comes with Gamer Kid.
“What the heck is a Gamer Kid?!” … How am I supposed to respond to that? How do you not get such obvious stuff? This is “what the fuck is a muscle?” all over again. Perhaps he’s trying to pretend he doesn’t get it in case people find out he’s the Irate Gamer. OOPS!
He mentions how he’s a strong character because he has four powers and that’s more than Superman. Okay, neither is remotely true. Gamer Kid has five powers, super strength, invincibility, invisibility, super speed, and laser/heat vision (the last of which Bores neglects to mention). Superman has seven powers, flight, diving underwater, invincibility, super strength, freeze breath, laser/heat vision, and x-ray vision (yes, they do different things). The difference is that Gamer Kid can only use one for a limited amount of time. Superman is Superman. Do you not actually play the game at all? I mean, some of the footage has to be yours, but it feels like you don’t pay attention.

After he mentions Gamer Kid’s super speed, he says they don’t need the Flash anymore and swats away a Flash minifig. He wasn’t even part of the game.
“Of course with this new level pack, we get a new level to play” Yep, it’s Chris alright. Dat redundancy.
He mentions that it comes with Spy Hunter, which does nothing. Maybe if you tried upgrading it? Then the Arcade cabinet which plays Midway titles like Paperboy and Spy Hunter, and Steve says he sucks at the game. Wow, that’s more self-awareness than the Irate Gamer ever had. Maybe if you had that, more people would actually like that show. Too bad you chose terrible Family Guy pandering instead.

The video concludes with Steve complaining that he’s not in the game even though there‘s already Lego Minecraft sets. Why does Chris write Steve to be so fucking egotistical? It’s not an endearing character trait. Nobody likes to hear “me me me me!” all the damn time.
“I’m the coolest out of all of them!” How do kids like this?
Then Lego Flash appears and asks if he‘s cool. So he’s not pissed that Steve swatted him off the table? Whatever, stupid appearance is stupid.

Sorry for all the text, I’ve gotten into the game thanks to several deals and it’s loaded with content. Chris being the phony that he is, barely dedicated time to exploring the Adventure Worlds or even bothering to beat the game. Hell, most of the footage was in the same spot in the fifth level. I suspect the Aquaman footage wasn’t his because that was in an Adventure World.

Video #10: Amiibo Unboxing - Ryu & Famicom Colors ROB Figures Puppet Steve Review

Been a while since amiibo was talked about. Can’t even access amiibo Informer anymore. Ha!
Short video, only 1:30.

Starts with a bunch of amiibo on his table. “As you can see I have tons of these things” That’s barely anything. Where’s the Animal Crossing? The Splatoon? The other Super Mario set (besides Luigi since you’re so averse to the Smash Bros version for some reason)? The 8-Bit Marios? The amiibolanders?
He lists off some of his favorites, ending on Mr. Game & Watch, but instead calls him “that guy that looks like Enderman’s cousin”. What happened to “Mr. G&W is my favorite Smash Bros character”? Sounds like it was bullshit all along. That’s what happens when you cover the same subject matter as two different “characters”, the lies become easier to spot.
“Two more that were just released” Three weeks before this video was uploaded. Even here Chris covers things way later than usual.
Mispronounces Ryu. Uggggggh. The other is R.O.B. Famicom Colors
Starts with Ryu. The way he phrases “downloadable content” is so weird. “He’s part of the expansion characters you had to download” This reads like Google Translate.
“And the bonus is that he’s from Street Fighter!” How is that a bonus?
Then he poses it next to the Captain Falcon amiibo as he plays The Final Countdown. Hope you’re not planning a DVD Chris! Actually, I don’t think he can with this series. He doesn’t own the character of Steve. As unoriginal as that was, at least he owns the Irate Gamer. I’d love to see him try though. If Saban didn’t bother with him, Microsoft certainly will.

Onto Fami R.O.B.
“Making it an all new character” Uhhh no. Same character, same in-game uses. Just like Mega Man and Golden Mega Man.
“Just look at those color differences, I think I’ve gone color blind” No you haven’t. That’s not even how color-blindness works. You’re not funny.
So that’s it. No mention of in-game uses. What about Roy? He came out the same day. What about Animal Crossing Wave 3? Oh wait, “not important enough” I’m guessing.

Then a stupid bit where he tries to get Ryu to fight his Ender Dragon figure, only to get blown up. He calls him a wuss. Yeah, look up all the different characters Ryu has fought then call him that.
R.O.B. tries and gets blown up. He calls him a pansy. This is retarded.
Then he puts down a Steve figure and shock of shocks Steve wins. Holy shit the egotism is actually painful. I don’t get it!

Video #11: Zootopia Crazy Movie Review - Puppet Steve Minecraft

This was one of the videos I looked through when discovering his channel. Not going to be fun to rewatch it. These “crazy” reviews are among the worst videos he produces.

First a look at the description.
“Zootopia is the movie being reviewed this time.” This time? This is the only movie you’ve reviewed. A trailer reaction doesn’t count. Chris, did you mix up Irate Gamer and Puppet Steve?
“Puppet Steve talks about his experience at the movie and his role with the Fox and Rabbit the only way Puppet Steve can!” His role? What?

Steve is joined by Zombie Steve. “The new movie Zootopia” Hold on *video posted April 9th 2016* *Zootopia came out in the US March 4th 2016* God damn it Chris, more lateness.
Starts out talking about how Judy Hopps wants to be a police officer (doesn’t mention her by name) but is told she can’t because she’s “not big enough”. It’s more that rabbits are seen as cute and harmless, and not cut out to be police officers.
Then he claims they reject her because they have “the coolest police officer”, Puppet Steve. And already with the egotistical fuckery. Your stupid puppet wasn’t in the movie Chris!
ZS bluntly tells him “No!” I’m starting to like you Zombie Steve, you’re not a complete idiot.
The other officers “mock her”. Less that and more she’s not taken seriously and put on parking duty, despite being the academy valedictorian. “Poor little bunny rabbit” *Minecraft rabbit from video #6 appears* “Not that kind of a bunny rabbit!” *rolls eyes*
“She meets this cunning fox!” What’s his name? Nick Wilde! How is it hard to learn the character’s names Chris?

Then another “Puppet Steve is in the movie” joke. Ugh… At least ZS tells him “No!’ again.
“The Fox and the Rabbit” Me too stupid to listen to movie or look up movie after seeing it!
“… which ends up leading them all around town and into the clutches of some evil henchmen” That’s not quite how it went. The Godfather scene (which Chris is showing) connects to an earlier scene where Judy saved Mr. Big’s daughter, and they were given hints on where to go next. They never really get captured after that. Did you pay attention?
Another “Puppet Steve is in the movie” joke. The video is barely 3 minutes long yet somehow Chris found a way to pad it out!
Steve describes the plot in the most generic way, saying how they go all over and there’s twists and turns. I’m convinced Chris didn’t actually see the movie.
And then another GOD DAMN “PUPPET STEVE IS IN THE MOVIE” JOKE! Holy fuck, it wasn’t funny the first time why would it be funny four times?!
ZS tries to tell him “No” again, but Steve just hits him off screen. Yep, more sociopath Bores.
“Puppet Steve ends up chasing the bad guy” No. Also, the image shown is not the bad guy. It’s just Judy and Nick next to a fence.
“Everybody dies” It’s a DISNEY MOVIE! Why would that happen?! What is wrong with you?!
“The bad guy turns out to be the evil Enderman!” … Were you dropped on your head as a kid? Where’s the joke? What am I supposed to be laughing at? Am I too old?
He calls the Enderman a jerk, and his Enderman puppet appears scaring Steve into saying he’s “awesome”. Why is he even here?

Steve claims the moral is that you can grow up to be anything you want. Welp, I’m convinced. Chris didn’t even see the movie. Otherwise he would know it’s about not judging people based on stereotypes or how they look. It’s a message about racism! Something this country desperately needs. Why would you make this video if you didn’t even see the movie? It’s not like he wanted those big “it’s fresh in everyone’s mind” views, this video came out a month after the movie did!
Also, I just noticed but there’s a laugh track in the video. It’s like Chris saw what he made, realized how terrible it was, but put “so much work” into it that he still uploaded it, and put the laugh track in the hopes some stupid 7 year old kid would laugh.

Video #12: LEGO Dimensions Slimer Ghostbusters Action Figure Unboxing Review Puppet Steve Minecraft

Man, that title is still an awful word salad.
This was his most popular video when I discovered the channel, but that’s been beaten by an upcoming video.

This starts with a short intro leading into the reveal that it’s now called “The Puppet Steve Show” instead of “The Minecraft Puppets Show”. I guess Steve’s ego took over the show title.

As the title indicates, he’s going to look at the Slimer Fun Pack for Dimensions. No Bane or Lloyd from Ninjago? Those guys made the fifth wave. If you’re going to cover this series, put more effort into it.
Zombie Steve is there, he says “green”. Joke?
“Zombie Steve’s a little slow” But he was smart enough to pick up on your bullshit in the last video.
“Oh man just look at all these pieces” There’s barely any! This isn’t the Starter Pack, or a $150 Lego set.
He puts it together, then animated the Slimer minifig’s mouth because… reasons.
He shows the Slime Shooter, and he’s weirdly overemphasizing his words. Not sure what he’s trying to go for.
He takes out the Peter Venkman and Stay Puft figures. Zombie Steve then eats his Stay Puft and Venkman minifigs, prompting Steve to hit him. At least the violence was justified this time.
“Slimer is a powerhouse that can destroy his enemies with his ghostly ways” All the characters destroy enemies the same way. It’s more about the way he can solve puzzles and collect items.
He then shows that he can fly and “eat a lot”. That eating his “hazard clean up” ability. He can also use a hot dog as a boomerang (similar to Batman in-game), dive underwater, smash glass with sonar, light up dark spots, and get into small areas. He has a shocking amount of powers actually. Shame you can’t play for more than 5 minutes to figure that out.

Then the video ends with the Slimer figure turning intangible, ZS appearing and phasing through Steve, and then Steve screaming that there’s ghosts while images of the Slimer figure pop up all over. Well that stupid. At least it was short.

Video #13: McDonalds 2016 Happy Meal Toys Skylanders SuperChargers 6 cars Review - Puppet Steve

I still don’t understand why he would do this. Skylanders sure but why the Happy Meal toys? They’re useless pieces of plastic! At least when SpeedRacerFlubber did it, it was clearly ironic.

Open on a stupid Zombie Steve joke, then he wants to eat McDonalds because the Happy Meal box is in front of them.
“You can’t eat these, these are toys!” Then why are they in the box that usually serves the food with the toys?
Shows the first toy, ZS says “Zoom” to try and make it move on its own, Steve laughs at him, then he says it a second time and it does move. Somehow this constitutes a joke.
Shows the second, ZS says “Zoom” again to make it move.
The third toy, ZS tries to say but gets interrupted by Steve, he tries it but nothing, then ZS makes it move. What’s the point of this video?
Then Chris somehow forgets to count and goes to the “fifth toy”. Was there a missing scene or something?
Anyway since it’s an aquatic-based vehicle, Steve laughs at ZS saying he can’t get it to “Zoom”. ZS just says “Water” and the entire room fills up with water. Just because zombies are created by magic in some stories, doesn’t make zombies magical themselves.
Oh, now we get the fourth toy. Did Chris mess up on the timeline? I’m amazed he did  editing professionally at one point, that’s an amateur mistake.
Steve freaks out because it’s another aquatic-based vehicle as ZS makes water appear again. This is so redundant.
Sixth and final toy is a jet. Steve mocks ZS on how he can get it to move. He’s going to say “Fly” isn’t he? Yep, he did, and it flew. What was this?
Video over.

That was just the same joke over and over again! What the fuck? Who is this for? I know it’s for kids, but how old? There’s different levels of kids entertainment. You’ve got your stuff on Nick Jr. and PBS, you’ve got your Nickelodeon, you’ve got your Cartoon Network, you’ve got your Marvel Cinematic Universe, what level of kids is this targeting?

Video #14: Five Nights at Freddy's Collectable FUNKO Vinyl Figures set 1, 2 unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Onto the most popular video on the Minecraft Puppet Steve channel (in that it has the most views). I do know that kids love FNAF, it’s how MatPat managed to get enough clout to meet the Pope, and completely embarrasses himself to the world.

Anyway, two boxes with four figures each.
“Five nights? Heh, I only need one!” … What does that mean? You do know why it’s called Five Nights right Chris?
Zombie Steve starts freaking out, yelling “evil evil!” Odd that the zombie is saying that when usually someone would be calling him “evil”
Steve calls ZS a “drama queen”. Kids deserve better than this…
“There are two sets to collect in all. Set one and set two!” Oh come on! Even your intended audience can count to two! How stupid do you think people are?!

First he looks at Chica holding the Cupcake. Or “Mr. Cupcake” as he calls him. He’s wrong by the way, the Cupcake doesn’t have a name.
“He isn’t scary looking, he’s actually kind of cute” I’m sorry, he? Did you just refer to Chica as a guy? Big sign that Chris knows nothing about FNAF. Chica’s a girl. Couldn’t you do ANY research before this Chris? Also, that’s cute? Very twisted idea of “cute”. Then again, the mountains of fan art show people think similarly…
Her eyes glow red because cliché, ZS starts shouting “evil evil!” again (why do I have the urge to watch Spongebob now). So Chica jump scares him right? No a safe falls on Steve. … What?

Apparently it knocks him out for the an entire day as we get a title card saying “Day 2”.
He looks at Foxy, mentions he has a hook on his hand. Hate the way he says “creepy”
Then onto Golden Freddy. “That’s a Golden Freddy? Well he doesn’t look so tough to me!” I’m sorry, what’s this supposed to refer to? This line makes no sense.
Golden Freddy’s eyes glow, ZS says “careful” instead, and Steve gets hit by a flying rock. Where are the jump scares?

Day 3. I’m starting to sense a pattern. He keeps referring to them as “technical difficulties”. He tries to show the Bare Endoskeleton but can’t get it to stand up, and it’s arm falls off. Not sure if intentional or shoddy plastic. Would be nice to clarify that for the audience Chris!
He starts on the second box, starting with Freddy. Eyes glow, ZS freaks out, Steve does the cliché “what’s going to happen, am I going to burst into flames?” And he does… Not really a jump scare. It’s looking more and more like Chris knows absolutely nothing about this series. Such a phony.

Day 4. “I can’t believe it’s taken four days already to review these things” Ooooh now I get that “I can do it one” line. It’s still stupid and it shows Chris doesn’t know why it’s called “Five Nights”. Parents, keep your kids away from this. I can’t stress this enough.
He shows off Bonnie, knocks him off the table. Shows off Springtrap, then knocks him off the table. Then onto the last figure, Balloon Boy. Glowing eyes, then it starts flying into the air, and somehow drops safes on Steve and ZS. Review over? Nope, somehow there’s a Day 5. But he looked at all eight figures!

“I can’t believe it took us five days to review all these figures!” But it didn’t, and even then you can barely call this a review. You just showed off the figures and said nothing about them. You’re lazy! You can’t write!
Then the video ends with all eight of them glowing and they explode.

Yeah, this video does nothing but show that Chris couldn’t even bother to do proper research on FNAF. Instead of attacking him with jump scares, they do stupid shit like drop safes on his head or throw rocks or explode. That makes no sense! How are so bad at this Chris? Kids deserve better!

Video #15: Secret Life of Pets Movie Film Action Figures Gift Set Target Pack Review

This post got shockingly long so this is the last video for now.
I haven’t seen The Secret Life of Pets and have no intention of seeing it, but I’m sure Chris will somehow get things wrong about it.

Big box of figures, apparently Target exclusive. ZS wants to eat the pets. Steve tells him you don’t eat pets, you play with them. That and you take care of them, feed them, clean up after them, respect them, take them out on walks if they’re dogs, there’s a lot to pet ownership.
He starts with Max (the main protagonist), he tries telling it do tricks but it stays still. It’s an inanimate object, it’s not going to do any of that! He then uses stop-motion to demonstrate that its neck can move. See, this is why you fail as a reviewer, even when hiding behind a puppet. Instead of using your hands to demonstrate its neck can move, you waste time on stop-motion. That’s a waste of effort!
After showing he has a dog bowl, ZS starts yelling “eat eat” and eats the figure. Starting not to like you again ZS.

Then he shows off Duke, also won’t do tricks, then uses stop motion to show he can move his neck too. Again, just use your hands! Then he does a fart joke. Well, at least it’s appropriate for the audience he wants.
Then he shows Sweetpea (a budgie), it cuts to a close-up of Steve, then cuts to a wide show to show ZS has eaten the figure. There’s a “dun dun dun”, Steve yells at ZS and the figure falls out of his mouth. I’m bored…
Then he shows Norman, who he calls a hamster. Actually reading the Wikipedia page, Norman’s a guinea pig. There’s a difference if you ever walk into a pet store.
He asks if he can turn his head, he does but then there’s “snap” and the screen turns red. Wow, that was shockingly violent. “I think he killed himself” KIDS SHOW! Then another fart joke. Well if he’s dead, then he voided his bowels. Just saying.
But then he calls the Enderman to get rid of it. Ugh, that’s so stupid. It’s like “I’m still Minecraft related, look I’ve got Enderman!” It’s almost like this channel’s equivalent of his “I’m a gamer guys, really” moments.

Then Mel, he tries to make him do tricks, but again it’s a fucking inanimate action figure with little to no articulation! This is so dumb. Then Mel makes Sweetpea’s stand appear under him. Whatever…
Then he shows Gidget. Which somehow does tricks… what makes this different? This video doesn’t make sense.
Then a Creeper appears because fuck you, it blows up, it supposedly “kills” Gidget IT’S A TOY! This isn’t the end of Toy Story 3!

That’s all the figures. He wonders where Snowball the rabbit is, then calls Enderman to bring him one. So he’s a slave now? Just like the X-Men…
He calls him cute, but doesn’t like the look on his face, ZS screams “evil evil” again, Steve asks if he’s going to multiply, and using the duplication tool in his editing software, he makes it multiply. Uggggggh dumb dumb dumb dumb.

These videos are just insulting. There’s no educational value to them, it’s all random-access garbage. There’s little constituting a review. It’s just Chris doing random crap while pretending to be a puppet. What does Chris even want? What is his goal?

Looking ahead, we’ve got Pokemon Go, Teen Titans Go, Ghostbusters, and Monster High. Hopefully it won’t take too long to type all that up. Unless Chris posts something new over on Irate Gamer. *checks* Nope, nothing since that latest "give me referrals" scam. He really hates his fans.