Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The End is Here! The Story Arc is Over!

Well, this is the end, beautiful friends. After 3 and a half years (really), Irate Gamer’s “epic” story arc, or his movie as he likes to claim, has finally come to an end. This inane storyline has finally reached a conclusion! Hard to believe isn’t it?
What game will the storyline go out on? What grand masterpiece of crap has Bores been saving up for this occasion? It’s… Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the Sega CD. …. Really? That’s underwhelming,

MMPR on Sega CD is an FMV game that was lost in a sea of Sega CD shitty FMV games. It’s a rhythm/QTE type game where you just match the arrows and buttons on screen while low-res MMPR footage plays in the background.
It’s also one of those dickish games where you have to beat the game on Hard to get the ending. I’ve never played the game, but I can guess that the ending is MMPR Episode 40: Doomsday Part 2. *checks the RangerWiki* Oh look, I was right. Watch that instead of playing this game.
But really, this is the game Chris ends his storyline on? What a complete anti-climax.

*breathes* Enough stalling, let’s do this!

0:00 - 0:36: The video begins once again with the Jason David Frank footage from last time. I’ve already said what I needed to say about that, so moving on.
But before we get to the review, we get a recap! *breathes* Alright, I’m good to go.

0:37 - 1:19: The actual video begins with some terrible acting that even Andrew Gray would laugh at, when the Genie shows up and offers his help. Remember when the Genie was a bastard that was hiding in IG’s Game Genie planning his revenge? Apparently, I’m the only one as clearly Bores has completely forgotten!
So the Genie distracts the giant HAL-bot. I guess my Green Ranger prediction was wrong…

1:20 - 1:51: “If you’re looking for the ultimate Power Rangers game” Stick with the Super Nintendo, it’s an actual game!
He gushes over the fact that the game has actual scenes from the show. I’m sure this was cool in 1995, until everyone realized FMV games were garbage. Now… it’s just a lame relic of a bygone era.
He goes over the controls and we get some shots of him failing.

1:52 - 2:57: We then get a brief shot of Ronnie and IG talking, and Chris shows surprising restraint by not having Ronnie try to crack a joke.
He goes over the Green Ranger levels, and by the end of it the game stops and tells him to play on a higher difficulty. I’m surprised IG even says “if you’ve seen my past videos”, realizing that people do actually pay attention. Unlike Bores himself…
IG complains that he has to start at the beginning of the game, and that it took him 24 minutes to play through the Beginniner Mode. He showcases this with squares surrounding the screen, leading into a pointless Brady Bunch reference, with footage of Alice. And we have more confirmation that this shit is never going to be on DVD.
Wait, if he’s been playing for 24 minutes, does that mean the Genie has been distracting the giant HAL-bot for that long? Jeez, and I thought Troy fighting off the Armada for two hours in SMF Episode 2 was stupid (it made a lot more sense in Gokaiger)

He cries that Super Mario Bros would never do this, and shows the “But Our Princess is in Another Castle” screen. “Oh yeah” … No, these aren’t even remotely the same thing. Forcing you to play on a higher difficulty to get the real ending vs. a misdirection to keep you playing the game on what’s essentially the same difficulty level. Yes it goes up, but that’s called a difficulty curve.
He then says “Fuck you Toadstool” and Toad’s eyes widen. For fuck’s sakes, you still call him Toadstool? That’s wrong you moron! It was always Toad, Princess Peach’s original name was Toadstool. There’s a difference. Also, for some reason he bleeped his f-bomb. Even though f-bombs were uncensored in previous episodes… real consistent movie!

2:58 - 4:20: The next few levels are based on The Green Candle episodes, and the game gets harder for him. He loses and gets the “Continue?” screen, he refuses as he won’t play the game even if the world is at stake. Wise Sage reminds him that it is. I could have seen something work here… *shrugs*

He gets to a level with a Dragonzord fight, does some boring one-liners, and reaches the point where he has to play on Expert Mode to complete the game. And of course, it sends him back to the beginning. Are you really surprised? He does his stupid slack-jaw thing, then rips what I guess is a table out of the ground and throws it through Ronnie, who survives it because he’s already dead. So that table is strong enough to cut bone?

He complains that you don’t play to the intro of the White Ranger (oh, so he does know about that, and this game only covers events from Season 1). Instead it’s a level about “nightmares”. I looked this up, and it’s based on Episode 45: Crystal of Nightmares. This was one of the original, non-Zyuranger episodes they did following Doomsday. Odd choice but whatever.
He makes a comment about a urinal cake and the “Irate-O-Meter” goes up (yeah, this is still here), and the Genie comments that he’s getting tired.

4:20 - 5:08: IG goes on about the difficulty and how your response time needs to be insanely fast, at one point he dies in 10 seconds and… I don’t get this. His jaw drop, and someone says “What is this shit?” Was that supposed to him? Was that supposed to be a reference to Rita’s lips not matching what she’s saying? That really made no sense.
He continues to whine about wasting hours of his free time trying to get through Expert Mode (I guess we’re just pretending that there’s no stupid storyline going on outside?) and he hopes the ending is awesome. Chris, you’ve been doing this long enough to know that the ending is going to be shit. Quit acting surprised every time it happens.
And of course, the ending sucks. It includes the word “Morphenominal”, which pisses him off. He also says “fucking” uncensored during his rant. Are you keeping f-bombs censored or not? This consistency is beyond horrible. How did you even make a career as an editor?

So, that’s the game. Meaning the next 3 minutes or so are the conclusion to this fucking fucked garbage. *sighs* Alright…

The Genie is eventually taken out, saying he’s “down for the count”. For some reason, Not-Wilson repeats that he’s “down for the count”. Attempt at a joke or sloppy writing? You make the call!
Tony informs them the meter is full, so they shoot some lasers at the giant HAL-bot and summon the “Sword of Inferno”. As you probably guessed, it’s really the Godho- I mean the Power Sword. I would love to see Chris attempt to release this on DVD, I could report him to Saban Brands!
As they’re about to slash, IG’s phone rings (Brinstar theme) and it’s a text message from Sgt. Al Powell (fuck you Chris, I refuse to call him Carl). Wait, does this mean the three movie tie-in reviews from 2013 are a part of this “movie“? Despite having NOTHING to do with this overall story? This is a mess…
As the Power Sword charges up, IG gets a visit from his little devil and angel. Soooo are these supposed to be the same ones from the Temple of Doom review? What was the point of their appearance? It would make sense if they appeared more often in the story but… they did not. So this is just fucking random.
They kill the robot and it explodes into more Power Rangers stock footage. Aww, no explosions from your own software Chris?

And so we come to… the cheering scene. For those unaware, a few days ago, Chris asked his Facebook fans (as well as “all the reviewers he knows”) to contribute to a big crowd scene where they all cheered for IG’s victory. I only know a handful of people actually contributed so let’s see how well this went.

First shot: I see the bearded dwarf guy, Goro from Mortal Kombat, the Dr. Mario viruses, Q*bert, a green Bores, a Fry Kid from McDonalds, a fan wearing an IG t-shirt, Bores as a vampire, Bores wearing a Mario hat and his notable white & black shirt (the one from Bores ‘n Doors) and I noticed he’s holding a Poke Ball. Is he supposed to be a Pokemon trainer? Sackboy from LittleBigPlanet, another fan in the background (he’s so blurry), and another Bores off to the right. Not sure who or what he’s supposed to be.

Second shot: Lakitu, Bores wearing a curly wig, a fan with glasses (this might be Steve Masters), an Orko action figure (seriously),  Luigi, what I assume is the Predator, Dr. Bores-sano (he’s wearing goggles), SWAGshow (called it!), Kool-Aid Man, Cousin Joey, Bores wearing a long black wig and a beard, another fan, and ET (the Atari sprite)
We then cut to the base where the Apprentice Sage is clapping while the Sage Elder is not.

Third shot: Good lord this is a clusterfuck… Bores wearing an eye patch and long wig (the Abstergo logo is on this one’s shirt… kay), a version of Bores I’m assuming is supposed to be a little girl (the fuck?), Bores in a cage looking mask, Eric Gaede (ugggggh), Bores wearing a fake mustache, Mario hat, and shirt with an NES controller on it, R.O.B. the Noid, Blinky from Pac-Man, a fan wearing a hat and IG t-shirt, that goblin thing that Bores sometimes uses, a pirate toy, what I assume is a fan in some weird looking mask, Mayor McCheese, and Aladdin.
EDIT: I missed this first time, but a lot of readers brought this up. In the upper left corner, a Bores in a white button-down t-shirt and pair of glasses flipping off the camera. If this is an attempt at getting James Rolfe's attention, this is pretty sad.

You know, a lot of these video game cameos make no sense.

Fourth shot: Bores in a blonde wig and sunglasses, a Psyduck toy (random), TheArchfiend yelling “Fuck you AVGN” (ugggggggggggh, such a hypocrite), Dirk (Ronnie’s brother, and I can’t believe I know that… fuck my life), Eggplant Wizard, some bald fan, Bores in a fisherman’s hat, Bores looking like Gandalf the Gray, Mr. Game & Watch, Bores in a beard, Bores in an eye patch and wig, someone that I’m assuming is Bores’ version of Iceman and the Duck Hunt dog..

Or maybe that wasn’t Iceman above as next we see the “X-Men” in heaven, along with IG’s little angel. What was even the point of the X-Men? To showcase how much of a fucking Marty Stu IG is? … Yeah that actually sounds about right.

Then we cut back to inside the Megazord, where Wise Sage exclaims “Morphenominal” and IG just goes “Really?” I like Wise Sage just putting on his sunglasses, metaphorically giving IG the finger. To be fair, it is a better phrase than “That’s a Super Mega Win”. Have I made it clear that I don’t think too highly of Super Megaforce?

We then cut to the Castle of Evil, where Shadow Overlord yells at Evil Gamer and RED, when the giant HAL-Bot’s head flies down and crushes him. … That’s it? That’s how they’re dealing with the villain? IG didn’t even know who he was! That’s a really fucking lame main villain. We didn’t even get to see him out of the shadows! Unless he was never meant to be out of the shadows… if the long-gone game was anything to go by.
How do Evil Gamer and RED react? They go get some pizza. ……….. Bored.

Then it cuts to Kent Brockman (I now refuse to use his actual name) as he credits to the victory to the Power Rangers. IG gets mad because it wasn’t them, it was the “Irate Gamer Team”. Aren’t you the one that destroyed the robot in the Power Rangers Megazord? I can see why people would be confused by that. If it was your own robot that you made, and Brockman credited the Power Rangers, then maybe that joke could have worked!

So the day is saved thanks to the Powerpuff Girls. Oh sorry, my mind retreated to a show that doesn’t blow ass.
Sage Elder tells them they’re all awesome and he’ll call upon them again if there’s ever any evil. IG declares they’re going to review games again as R.O.B. appears out of nowhere to destroy MMPR on Sega CD.
And in another confirmation that this is likely never going to be on DVD, the ending credits song is When Can I See You Again by Owl City (famously used in Wreck-It Ralph). A song owned by Disney! And we get the credits for the main team, Kent Brockman goes to take a leak, and we see the credits for the cameos. Steve Masters, SWAGshow, TheArchfiend, Geoff the Hero (also known as Geoff Mendicino), Max Medina, Johnny Awesome, and Eric Gaede. Then Chris credits himself with “And a crapload of Chris Bores’s” Ego much?

And for one final stinger, we cut to Hell where Devil Bores is cleaning up when… is that supposed to be a part of the giant HAL-bot? Why would a robot go to hell? Unless it’s Robot Hell from Futurama, but you didn’t establish that Chris! Anyway, it falls into Hell.


First, the review. To be fair, there wasn’t much he could say about this game. It’s a shitty FMV game with a stupid rhythm/QTE mechanic that becomes impossibly hard. *checks for cheat codes* Ah, there’s a Stage Skip cheat, that explains how he got to the end of the game.
But really, if you want a more entertaining review of this game, check out Spoony’s FMV Hell video on it. It’s an old one but still worth watching.

The story part is where it all crashes down. They simply just defeat the giant HAL-bot with the Megazord. If you really wanted to make this big, you would have used the Ultrazord. Get the Dragonzord and Titanus in on it. But that would mean searching for more stock footage outside of the one or two episodes that you used, and that would mean working!
The Shadow Overlord was a terrible villain overall, he did NOTHING! NOTHING! And his defeat was so rushed that Bores would have been better off doing “I’ll get you next time Gadget, next tiiiime!” Sure I would have criticized it, but for different reasons.
Did we learn anything from all this? Was there a lesson? Did anybody grow? NO! This might as well just been a random filler episode of Power Rangers! This storyline was a waste of time! For someone that complains about terrible endings to video games, this itself was a terrible ending. Just like I had predicted.
Wait… where’s the god damn Pixel Demon?! The Silver Surfer episode ended with him coming out of the TV. Where the hell is he? Did Bores just completely forget about him?

I should probably bring up the “cheering scene”. It’s rather telling that Chris only got 7 people  for this, and had to resort to clones of himself, video game sprites and toys to fill out the rest. I heard from an anonymous source that two of the video game reviewers Chris actually asked were Armake21 and PlayItBogart. Two caustic critics that were reasonably popular waaaaaay back in 2006/07, but have since fallen off and stopped (I know Armake has, not sure about PIB). I think it’s rather telling that Chris is so deep in his bubble that he couldn’t ask contemporary reviewers to try this, but people that haven’t been around for years. He could have tried TotalBiscuit, Boogie2988, Angry Joe, ProJared, JonTron, PeanutButterGamer, the Best Friends Zaibatsu,  Kwing, Yuriofwind, ReviewTechUSA (the last three are featured on GotGame! Could have tried that!), The Runaway Guys, The Completionist, Dodger of PressHeartToContinue, Jesse Cox, Egoraptor, even god damn DarkSydePhil! Hell, you could have extended out to non-game reviewers, you could have tried Linkara. Sure, all these people would have likely said no, but the fact is you didn’t try. You didn’t try looking up contemporary talent because you’re stuck in the past. Hell, your “there’s not many of us left” comment shows just how deep in your bubble you really are.

I want to thank you all. Thank you for helping me through all these horrible videos, for reading my terrible jokes and writing, and supporting me through all of this. I really do appreciate it. You guys are the best. Whatever Bores does next, I'll be ready to take it down.

In case you haven’t seen it, I recommend checking out the article from Sunday. http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2014/04/something-i-feel-needs-to-be-addressed.html

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Something I Feel Needs to be Addressed

I wanted to wait a couple more months for this, but the more I thought about it, the more it just angers me, and I need to bring it up here.

Back in January, Justin Carmical AKA JewWario committed suicide. The news shook the gaming community and the internet in general. I still can't believe it myself.

The news even reached Chris Bores' Facebook page, and he actually responded to it. What he said was....

Chris, go fuck yourself. Just... holy crap.

Ignoring the user that had to compliment Bores while also posting the news ("weren't nearly as good as yours" THAT DOESN'T MATTER), what Bores said was just insanely inappropriate.

How hard is it to say "I can't say I've heard of him, but my condolences to his family". I wouldn't have even said anything, just a little remark that I'm not surprised you never heard of him.
But no, you have to shove religious nonsense in it about how he's going to suffer in the afterlife and won't find peace. Do you know what we call people that shove their religious beliefs into the most mundane things, we call them assholes!

I'm just... I can't believe he said that.

And another thing. "There aren't that many of us left" Are you serious? There's a TON of gamers on YouTube, it's one of the most popular mediums on the site. Just because you don't know about them doesn't mean they're not there. Maybe if you left your tiny little bubble and actually made some connections with people, then maybe people would respect you more. Maybe people wouldn't call your videos shit, and maybe you'd actually have a consistent schedule instead of waiting months at a time and releasing filler of a toy that very few of your fans actually care about.

Justin, wherever you are, just know that you'll always have people that loved you.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

So Much For Listening to Criticism...

Chris, I give you one of the rare, rare, rare moments where I actually praise you for doing something right, and what do you do with that? You screw it up! You throw it right out the window!

What was the point of creating a separate channel specifically for Skylanders material, if you're just going to post Skylanders videos on your main channel?! The channel isn't even a month old! Were you hoping it would get more subscribers? According to Socialblade, you have zero! I'm not kidding, I typed in "TheSkylanderC" and it told me "TheSkylanderC requires atleast 5 Subscribers to be added. User only has 0 subscribers."
Granted, that might be wrong as I did see people comment that they did subscribe. Still, it seems like the sub numbers are less than 100 (for a main channel with over 148k, that's beyond sad).

There's a theory going around that he's ignoring the channel because people that search "TheSkylanderC" in YouTube also see "LadyBuggin777" in the related channels, but that seems like a stretch to me.

How are the fans reacting to the video? They are pissed! More dislikes than likes, and way more negative comments. People are unsubbing left and right, and it only makes Chris look worse and worse. What a moron.

In other Skylanders related crap, Chris posted on his site that he got some "Skylanders 4" card, and to "check back later this week". I did some digging (and by digging, I found a thread on NeoGAF) and the card is a personalized invite to the unveiling of the next game in New York City.
Brian Crecente of Polygon got one: http://www.polygon.com/2014/4/14/5614450/skylanders-2014-activision-reveal-invitation
I imagine Chris' card has Richard Horvitz mocking him as well (this is a real waste of his talent Activision!)

UPDATE: Bores posted two new Skylanders videos, and they're on both channels. Why upload to the main channel if they're on the side channel too?
The dislikes speak volumes about this. Organize your crap Bores!

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

He Finally Listened! A Separate Skylanders Channel

*clap clap clap* Well done Bores, after months of downvotes and people yelling that they're sick of this crap and nobody watching the videos, you actually listened to the fans. You made a separate Skylanders channel where all your stupid Skylanders videos will go and not bother the few fans you have left.

All his Skylanders stuff has been moved to "TheSkylanderC" (I would have gone with "IGSkylanders" but apparently I don't know anything) and will not be covered on this blog because fuck that noise.
Though I will say his banner is just awful. It's a picture of him holding up a couple figures while he makes this really horrid face. What expression is that even supposed to be?

Still, good job Bores, you actually made a little bit of progress towards professionalism. Does this mean the subscribers will come back to his channel? Pahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahaha. Yeah, I don't see much change happening, just that there won't be any Skylanders videos. If anything, there will be even longer breaks between videos since Bores won't post a filler Skylanders video to "make up" for the lack of content.

And before you say it, I don't think this is an April Fool's prank.

Friday, March 28, 2014

McDonalds Changeables: Heart Disease in Disguise

Just two days after I post another “Chris is being lazy” update, he posts a new video!

It’s another new I Rate the 80s (wow, that was fast), this time on the “McDonalds Changeables”. *searches* Ooooh, these things. They’re Happy Meal Toys made to cash in on the popularity of Transformers. They’re robots disguised as McDonalds food. I remember having these.

Kind of weird that Chris is doing a Transformers knock-off rather than the real thing first. Oh right, “budget issues” as he so claims. I get the feeling he’d cover the Go-Bots before doing an episode on Transformers.

At least this video is shorter than the GM Monster Cereal one (5:11 compared to 7:49).
Let’s go.

0:05 - 0:38: The video starts, we get are usual history opening. I’ll give Bores credit in that he’s using old McDonalds commercials and not stock foo- spoke too soon! Right as he mentions “kids”, we get some extremely modern stock footage of kids leaving a school. It’s extremely jarring among the VHS quality McDonalds commercials.
He brings up that McDonalds had Happy Meal toys for popular franchises like Muppet Babies, Garfield and… Destructoid Bananas. … Wha?
Apparently, IG is just as confused as I am as he “doesn’t remember them”. It’s a real banana with marker on it. Then it explodes in his hands and he coughs up Styrofoam that I assume is supposed to be banana.

What the hell was that? First of all, what was the joke? Exploding bananas… I don’t get it. Why is this here? What’s the point? Is this a reference to something? Why was the “banana” in his mouth after it exploded? Did he open his mouth really wide right as it blew up? Why isn’t the rest of him singed? At least in cartoons, characters have black marks all over them after a bomb blows up. Seriously, what’s the joke?!

0:39 - 1:17: IG mentions that in 1987, Transformers was hitting their “popularity peak”. Really? I would have thought that was 1986 since that’s when the movie came out.
He shows off the six Changeables that he has, lists them off until he gets to Fries and notices it’s gone. Then a McDonalds Fry Guy shows up, IG calls him a Goblin for some reason… hang on *does some research* Oh, they were originally called Goblins in the 70s and early 80s. They were changed to Fry Guys, but now they’re Fry Kids. Why call them their original name? Especially when Chris was like 4 or 5 when they changed their name. Is he trying to sound “cool” and “retro” or something?
Then he jokes about a “McDonalds Ashtray robot”. Is this another thing from the 80s you “fondly” remember? McDonalds having ashtrays for smokers? Because… that’s sad.

1:17 - 1:43: He brings up how the toys had a trial run in St. Louis (Citation Needed) before going nationwide and lists off a bunch of other Happy Meal toys that did the same, ending on “Banana Buddies”. Really Chris, we’re really doing this joke again? Again, what is the point? Unsurprisingly, the banana explodes in his hand again, and he coughs up Styrofoam. You really couldn’t make it yellow? I predict this joke will happen a third time.

1:43 - 2:45: The toys rolled out nationwide, he shows a bit of the commercial. He then says they released “eight toys” Wouldn’t that qualify as Series 2? That’s what I’m reading on Wikipedia here.
We then get a sketch with Kid Bores getting the Fries Changeable resulting in him getting attacked by a Fry Kid. This video is beyond stupid…
He claims it’s completely random (1 in 8 chance isn’t that bad…) and it’s as random as “Press Your Luck” Wait, are we seriously doing this joke again? Chris, how bankrupt for ideas are you that you’re doing this stupid joke again? Are you just hoping nobody remembers the Q*bert review?
Oh, but the joke is different this time, because the Whammy robs him at gunpoint, and then it cuts to Kid Bores watching saying he loves the show. Was that needed?

2:46 - 3:18: He lists off the 8 toys in Series 2 (how he remembers that they rolled out two new ones every week is beyond me…). He’s about to say that getting all of them together does something, when he notices one is missing. Let me guess, Fry Kid again? No it’s… Gummies. What? Why? Who? How? What’s the fucking point of any of this?! Where’s the humor?

3:18 - 3:28: Anyway, what can they do together? Become Devastator? No, nothing like that. He just says they become a “force to be reckoned with”. They can destroy cities, hold on, aren’t they supposed to be good guys? Do you have this weird idea that half of them are AutoFries and the other half are DeceptiShakes? Did you just want to poorly animate one of them destroying a city or something?
He also mentions playing with friends, resulting in a one second cameo from Wise Sage. I wonder how much footage they got in the one day of shooting Eric has (he has a family to take care of… by the way Eric, get in touch with me. I can’t contact you on YouTube since they completely changed how messaging works). IG also tries to eat one but fails… This would explain so much.

3:28 - 3:59: The Changeables were a hit, and they brought them back in 1991 (it might be 1990, Wiki says 90 but a commercial I found says 91) but instead of robots, they changed into dinosaurs. Kid Bores is angry at this because he claims dinosaurs aren’t cool and he’d rather play with Rainbow Brite. Ha ha screw you too. Dinosaurs are awesome, you’re an idiot. By the way Chris, aren’t you the one that just made a video where you fought with dinosaur robots? There’s a reason nobody takes you seriously.

He claims the toys did “so badly” that they exploded in a firey hellish blaze. … Your idea of hyperbole isn’t funny. And then a random cameo from Punchy, the Hawaiian Punch mascot. WHY? Just… why?

Onto the rating… joy.
He mentions that he loved playing with these as a kid and his friends collected them as well. Did you really play with your Happy Meal toys? Be honest, you had fun for a minute and you threw it to the side. Just like the most kids. They aren’t even complicated like Transformers which require multiple steps to change.
He brings up a friend in St. Louis, which is where I imagine his source for the original six being in St. Louis only comes from. I find that hard to believe… But he did say he was late to the party so who knows. He’s probably just talking out of his ass again.
Of course, it gets an Overload.

As he signs out, three of the toys come to life. Stop-motion time again! Yaaaaaaaay……….
They fly off and IG grabs them, then they teleport away. IG ends up in… in the same place as Max Headroom. Really… we’re ending on another pointless reference? And Headroom has an exploding banana that takes his face off. Rule of three! Then Headroom somehow turns back to normal to “promote” I Rate the 80s. I feel dirty now…

Crappy crappy video, as per usual.
What were the jokes? It’s like he wanted to do a video on the Changeables but it was too short so he just made up the most random jokes possible. Even going so far as to recycle one from six years ago. This really just made my head hurt…
He didn’t even bring up if the toys were sturdy or not, if they were well made by Happy Meal standards. Was it even a review? Or was this his attempt at “education” as he so claims.

Look, if you’re going to reference something, have it make sense. Connect it to the subject at hand, showcase similarities. Referencing for the sake of referencing is bad comedy. It’s not a joke, all it says is “this existed at one point… LAUGH YOU SHEEP!”
And really, if Chris is trying to be taken seriously with these 80s videos, he needs to cut it out.

I get the feeling this isn’t the last we’ll be seeing of McDonalds on “I Rate the 80s”.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Observations of Boring Waiting

It's that time again! The time when Bores goes weeks and weeks without actually uploading anything worth talking about.
Oh sure, he posted a contest video and another damn Skylanders video, but is that really worth addressing at this point?

His site is the same crap, just random stuff he found off Tumblr or deviantArt, with news about comic book movies or toys, and once in a blue moon he'll mention something related to video games. Just to reinforce that he is still the Irate Gamer, and not the Irate Toy-player, or Irate Mike Mozart/TJOmega Rip-off.

Seriously though, when ToyFair happened earlier this year, he had like five or six articles about it. But shows like Gamescom, GDC, or PAX? One at the most. Why does he even bother to call himself the Irate Gamer? It's clear he was never a gamer in the first place, and these constant articles show exactly that.
Hell, I'm pretty sure the reason he's obsessed with Skylanders isn't due to the game's difficulty (or lack there of) but the fact that it comes with toys. Toys toys toys toys!
From the few times I watched his Skylanders videos, he doesn't bring up how the character plays in game. He just says if it looks cool or not cool.

Honestly, I don't even get how Chris can continue to sustain this. He barely posts content, his views are abysmal (according to SocialBlade, he gets less than 10k a day) and if he thinks he can live off his merch, he is sorely mistaken.
Hell, there's no way he'll be able to put his "movie" on DVD, that Power Rangers footage basically prevents that. "He can just ask Saban" No he can't. The footage Chris used? Only the music is Saban's, the rest is Toei. That's two parties he would have to deal with, and Toei is not that nice.

He must have a job outside of this. If he does, why doesn't he just say so? Then people would understand the delays. Every comment on the last History of Video Games wouldn't be "Where's Part 6? Where's Part 6? Where's Part 6?" By the way, it's been over two years since the last part. The sun will go supernova by the time he reaches the Dreamcast. Give it up Chris, nobody believes you're a gamer!

*sighs* Sorry I sound rambly.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Look At My Face Over This South Park Game!

A new video already? That’s surprising.
It’s a review of South Park: The Stick of Truth, which came out today. And like past reviews where he puts out a video the same day as release, it’s going to suuuuuck.

Chris posted the video on YouTube, and embedded it to GotGame with some poorly written text to go with it. Here are some “highlights” from the text review.

He shows the picture of his own character, and… I guess it’s a South Park version of him? He then calls it “Super Sweet”. Even when people used “sweet”, they didn’t say “super sweet”, your use of slang is outright alien.

“The way your character moves across the screen is awesome” Wow, that is a horribly written line. Is that really something worth praising? The way they move across the screen?
“The animation is amazing that way!” Yes, because South Park is known for its amazing animation.
“The battle sequences are set up like a final fantasy type of system” No it’s not. It looks more like Super Mario RPG, with timed hits and everything.
“and there is a learning curve of getting all the nuances down pat.” Like all games that don’t hold your hand throughout? I remember the days when learning curves weren’t something to complain about *glares at negative Wonderful 101 reviews*

He doesn’t say much else. Onto the video!

The video ope- oh my god we’re in trouble. Chris is not on his set, instead he’s on a couch in a completely different room. He is also filming with a webcam! Wow, and I thought his previous Neo reviews were slapped together without care, this one isn’t even trying!
Because of this, I’m not doing the timestamps. If Chris isn’t going to try, then why should I bother?

He says Ubisoft sent him the game and he’s unwrapping it on camera. Yeah, he hasn’t even played it yet before hitting record. This is going to be a treat. Also, how are you on good terms with Ubisoft after that E3 video? I know it’s been years, but that was a pretty serious threat. No follow through at all…
“Here’s the disc, it looks pretty cool” … Who… talks about discs looking cool? You can tell there’s no script, no thought put into any of this. Especially since he’s talking about how the disc looks.

He puts the game in… are we really doing this? Facecam! Chris is doing facecam! Finally jumping on that trend… Noticed how you’re not making money at all from the abysmal views? “It worked for PewDiePie, it will work for me!” As long as he doesn’t start screaming about rape.
He complains about there being an update. Oh boo hoo, get used to the updates, all modern games have them now. Wait, Stick of Truth came out today, meaning this is a Day 1 update. Oh… that’s where things look sketchy. Of course, Chris doesn’t address that it’s a Day 1 update, just that it’s an update. There is a difference.

And apparently we’re dropping the face cam and doing post-production narration. You do realize that ADD shouldn’t pour over into the editing right?
He gushes over the character creation. You do realize that a lot of games have this right? If anything, South Park’s customization is kind of lame since you can’t customize facial features. I know I know it’s the artsyle, everyone has the same face, but still it’s nothing compared to other games.

He brings up the opening cutscene with the protagonists parents, and compares the dad to Fred Armisen from Portlandia. I… don’t see it. *shrugs* Also, Portlandia? Why not Saturday Night Live, that’s where he’s more well known.
He goes on and on about interacting with the environment, acting like this is completely new even though so many other games do this. At one point the facecam comes back to show him laughing at a joke.

He brings up the jokes, and more laughing on face cam.
He arrives to Cartman’s backyard, pointing out how it’s called “Kupa Keep”, and seems to think it’s a play on “King Koopa”. … I don’t think so. He’s really grasping at straws here.
EDIT: Turns out the full name is "The Kingdom of Kupa Keep", or KKK. It's not South Park unless it's something offensive. King Koopa my ass. Thanks to Guru Larry for informing me of this.
He brings up the classes, but doesn’t say  what they do. Only lets what Cartman says play out, and mentions how his humor isn’t politically correct. Ya don’t say!

He finally gets got the battling, and only looks over the tutorial. He claims it’s like Final Fantasy. Noooo, I said above that it’s more like Super Mario RPG.
He claims it took him 30 minutes to figure out the game. *looks at gameplay* How? It looks simple! Explain where the difficulty comes from! Don’t just assure that your word alone is good enough!

Chris keeps gushing about the references, the references, the references, oh my god it keeps going!

At around 4:36, notice how he’s laughing on the facecam, but the narration starts up. So, what’s the point of the face cam? Just to show your laughter?

“Let me just preface that this game is not for kids in any shape form or fashion” REALLY? FUCKING REALLY?! You mean the comedy intended for adults is meant for adults?! Chris has made such a shocking discovery today!
… It’s Rated M for Mature! Not intended for children under 17! It’s the ESRB! How do you still not know this?! Video games aren’t just a child’s plaything anymore!
Also, you used “preface” wrong again. It’s meant to be at the beginning, not near the end. Me am good grammars.

He then stops when he reaches a wall of rats and says the game is great and blah blah blah, followed by the most tired “Game On” I’ve ever seen.

What was the point of this? He didn’t even beat the game. I seriously doubt this was an early review copy, he probably picked it up early morning and made the video shortly after his play session.
Why the face cam? Why show yourself laughing at the jokes? It’s South Park, we can assume it’s going to be funny. You don’t have to show yourself laughing to tells us it’s funny!
If the next Neo review has face cam, then I guess that’s going to be his new gimmick. Right down to the use of webcam and lazy script.