Monday, January 16, 2017

Puppet Steve "Highlights" January 1-15

The “CB Network” is dead again. Seems Chris isn’t getting paid to look at shitty products right now.
What about your Christmas ghost hunt? Have a video about that or did nothing happen like EVERY GHOST HUNT EVER?
His Facebook pages are dead too, nothing since a Merry Christmas message. Which he ends with “Game On”. So are you abandoning the Irate Gamer or not?! You can’t keep using terminology if you want to end it!

Soooo realizing this, here’s the highlights of all the Puppet Steve videos posted this year (so far). 7 videos, I imagine they’re mostly the same.
I wanted this get this out in the last couple days but time got away from me. Sorry about that.

GhostBusters Diamond Select Toys Action Figures Series 1 & 2 Movie Unboxing (Ray, Peter, Egon

- Surprisingly the first video of the year wasn’t FNAF related, but it is Chris’ other obsession. Someone really needs to tell him that he’ll never be a Ghostbuster.
- Did he forget to hit Shift+0 at the end there?
- There’s a contest to win a Phantom Foxy plushie. Even in non-FNAF videos, there’s FNAF.
- I see Winston on the table, why is he not in the title? Why does everybody screw over Winston?
- “After taking the figure out of the packaging, we have a totally awesome looking figure” Nearly 10 years, and he still has a redundancy problem.
- Oh wow, he’s actually talking about the detail of the figure… and he ruins it by pretending to get shocked by the Proton Pack.
- He points out the different hands. If these are anything like the SH Figurarts produced by Bandai, then it’s likely these are used for stop-motion purposes. As in real stop-motion, not the lazy stop-motion Chris does.
- Notices Winston comes with a Ghost Trap, prompting an awful scene with his Boo amiibo.
- “You gotta love old Egon, cause he’s such an egghead. A-heh-heh.” *scene transition* “Wow, gotta love old Egon” HOLY SHIT! NOT EVEN FIVE SECONDS!
- “Glasses and all” Why wouldn’t he come with glasses?
- “Time to hunt some ghosts down in style” You would loooove that Chris, because it would validate all your wasted time and money.
- “This better form into something cool” That’s the point, all the steps that come with each figure form into something. A lot of action figure lines do this.
- Stupid Enderman bit where he gets Dana Barrett
- He tries to put together the rooftop pieces, and gets nothing because he only has five out of 15 pieces, which he acknowledged earlier. Fucking dumb.

Playmobil Carrying Case Barbeque Camping, Soccer Building kit Toy Unboxing Puppet Steve

- Playmobil? Seriously? Who gives a shit about that?
- Same contest
- Stupid voices… stupid cutaways…
- God I forgot how annoying he was…
- The “Puppet Magic” shit is still stupid and makes no sense.
- At least Zombie Steve still calls out his awful jokes.
- Steve calls it the best picnic ever, and the little girl figure (voiced by his step-daughter) says the same thing, and he goes “I just said that!” Chris you are not allowed to make fun of redundancy.
- And of course it ends with Zombie Steve eating the toys. He goes downright Cookie Monster on them.

Five Nights at Freddy's FnaF Pint Sized Heroes FUNKO Foxy Toy Mystery mini's Blind Bag Unboxing

- We got FNAF, that didn’t take long.
- He shows the checklist and mentions “exclusive figures”. You should probably mention they’re Gamestop exclusive since your fans likely can’t read the tiny text, or read at all.
- Apparently Foxy is Zombie Steve’s favorite because he’s a pirate. Whatever…
- And since it’s the Gamestop exclusive Foxy, Zombie Steve passes out over it. This is so dumb…
- Steve whining about duplicates…
- He gets Chica. “We don’t have him yet” ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU STILL THINK CHICA’S A BOY?! How many of these damn videos have you done? Hell, one of the top rated comments is telling him “Chica’s a girl”. Are you being retarded on purpose Chris? Because that’s not funny.
- Gets a different Foxy and a stupid stop-motion bit happens. Then Zombie Steve puts on an eye patch. His intelligence seems to differ video to video, why is that Chris?
- He gets the Puppet, and Steve says he’s his favorite because they’re both puppets. You would not say that if you ever played FNAF 2, keeping that little bastard asleep while up to 10 different animatronics are trying to kill you is annoying. Especially on the harder difficulties. Again, implying Chris knows anything when it’s clear he doesn’t.
- He spazzes out when the last package is another duplicate. That’s not funny or endearing, it’s worrying.
- He thinks Golden Freddy is rare because he’s not on the checklist. Pretty sure since he comes with every box, he isn’t included. Then again, Foxy comes with the box and he’s in the packaging and on the checklist too. I don’t know, maybe Funko was too busy making more stupid deals to notice.

The Grossery Gang Mushy Slushie Corny Chips S1 Chunky Crunch Shopkins Unboxing Puppet Steve

… Hang on *searches Grossery Gang*. It’s basically Shopkins but the food is gross, like all spoiled or covered in slime. Continuing the idea that boy’s toys are just girl’s toys given a different coat of paint. I thought we got past “boys like gross stuff” in the mid-2000’s?
- New contest, kids could get the FNAF figures from the last video.
- Oh hey, Puppet Alex. Will it be a cameo or a full review?
- Oh, essentially a side-role as Steve shows her the Grossery Gang
- Chris how much money are you spending on this shit?
- Shows a spoiled TV Dinner figure. “I don’t want to eat that, I’ll get sick! A-heh-heh” … That’s the point Chris.
- One of the toys looks like the She-slime from Dragon Quest.
- Puppet Alex seems almost self-aware. I wonder how much input in the “scripts” she has.
- These things are reminding me of Crazy Bones. Remember those?
- He got a bunch of “bugs in ice cubes” figures, and pulls the “bug in ice cube” prank on Puppet Alex and laughs when she sees them. Such a great step-dad. Then Zombie Steve eats the toys…
- He’s just listing now…
- And another video that ends with Zombie Steve eating toys. I don’t think Chris understands how zombies work. They’re flesh-eaters, not extreme omnivores.

My Little Pony MLP Golden Oak Library Playset w/ Zecora, Twilight Sparkle Unboxing Puppet Steve

- This sounds more like a full Puppet Alex video.
- I have to wonder if Steve wrote the “script” since Alex doesn’t know the name of Twilight’s owl (Owlowiscious).
- Most of the video is just Alex bringing up something, Steve interrupting, and Alex yelling at him. This seems less funny and more dysfunctional.
- At one point Alex does the “look at camera and sigh” thing Steve does. … I’m starting to dislike Alex.
- Okay yeah, Chris wrote this. That sounds nothing like Zecora, and apparently she acts as Twilight’s teacher.
- And Zecora makes Steve disappear. Shouldn’t it be Twilight?

Five Nights at Freddy's FnaF NECA Scalers & Light Up Glow in the Dark Unboxing

- More FNAF…
- These are the dumbest toys.
- “To open these up, we’re going to need some scissors! Snip snip snip snip snip snip”  I WILL BURN YOUR TOY COLLECTION!
- “The cool thing about these headphones is that you can hook them up to any electronic device and listen to music” … That’s what headphones are, jackass.
- He tells Zombie Steve that he has no ears. … Neither do you.
- God Zombie Steve is annoying now. Well, more than before.
- So essentially this is stuff you hang on your headphones. … Why?
- Zombie Steve is afraid of the dark? That’s idiotic!
- Hold on, using a FNAF character as a night light? That goes against the idea of FNAF, that they’re scarier in the dark.

Five Nights at Freddy's Fnaf Pop Funko Figures Set Action Figures Unboxing Review

- More fucking FNAF!
- Oh no, Funko Pop. Because this channel wasn’t cancerous enough already.
- “they’re actually kind of cuddly” … No
- … He just said Freddy is the main character of the series, like this is the first FNAF video he’s ever done. He’s made 35. Fuck you.
- So the Nightmare Freddy figure flies out of the box by accident. He calls it a “Puppet Explosion” and shows it in slow-mo with a “Puppet Replay”. Chris, inserting words into everything isn’t a joke! You’ve been doing that before YouTube was even a thing! Cut it out!
- More stupid stop-motion…
- More annoying Zombie Steve…
- “She’s even got a little bib there” THEY REACHED HIM! He finally called Chica a girl! Miracles can happen!
- Really dumb bit where Chica gets angry over the lack of cupcake. I mean wow how is this entertaining?
- Ending on another awful bit.

I will never understand how kids find this entertaining. Even if I was the audience I would think this was stupid.

There is one other thing to bring up.
Silent Spring brought to my attention a recent review for Ghost Hunting 2.0 on Amazon.
Written by Jeaninne Slattery, she gave it 1-star claiming that she’s been scammed. Chris offered a free DVD and after a year and a half, she still hasn’t received it. I do recall Chris offering free DVDs if you purchase his book (can’t remember when or where). Sounds like Chris wasn’t able to keep his end of the bargain. I doubt it’s stock issues either, we all know nobody is buying Chris’ DVDs outside of a tiny minority.

You have an explanation for this Chris? Or are we going to add “scam artist” to your list of crimes?

See you at the end of the month (or February) for more “highlights”.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

IG's Top 8 Worst Moments of 2016

Wooof. 2016 was not a good year, and if you pay attention to the news then you should be familiar with why this year was a mess. Everyone, try to be brave, stay safe, live on and hope things will get better.

As per usual, it’s time to end the year with Chris’ worst moments. However, so little happened this year, a lot of samey stuff that wasn’t interesting. I could only think of 8 moments. Will 2017 have even less?
Possibly since most of his content has just outright died.

8: Why bother with the game? Look at the cool Lego!

IG Neo was the first of the shows to just die. There was literally only one episode of it this year. Lego Dimensions.
The majority of the review was Chris listing off the figures, and saying stupid shit like “The Portal 2 level made no sense and the music was stupid”. He never brought up the gameplay, never mentioning how it differs from the standard Lego games or how it actually uses the portal as part of the game.
It also became clear that Chris didn’t even bother to beat the game. Chris posted the review four months after the game came out and only beat four levels. Going by his PSN account, he still hasn’t bothered to play the rest. It’s not a hard game at all.
Much like Skylanders, Chris cares more for the collection aspect than the gameplay. Hell, he hasn’t even played Skylanders: Imaginators. Or he has but played it on Wii U where there’s no tracking so I don’t know for sure.

Shockingly, people liked it, claiming it was in-depth. Being long doesn’t mean it’s in-depth, he didn’t say anything.

7: Deleting everything won’t save you

For reasons only known to him, Chris deleted a large number of his videos. Not just the sell-out shill videos, but actual content. The majority of his Neo reviews are gone, a ton of his E3 videos, most of the movie reviews. What the hell Chris? Why delete so much? What are you trying to hide?
What’s weird is that there’s still some videos up but the title and  thumbnail changed to be about Pursuit of the Paranormal or Ghost Hunting 2.0. I just noticed this. For example, organize the video list by oldest, one thing you’ll notice is that the Sopranos video he made is gone (why?), but then keep scrolling and you’ll see a 3:46 Pursuit video that was posted 8 years ago. Wait what? Clicking it, and it’s part 1 of his Top 10 Summer Movies of 2008. There’s a lot more too of these too. Guitar Hero Van Halen, his 48 second review of the first Iron Man, some E3 videos, what is the purpose of changing these? Do you think all five of your ghost fans will look through your channel and fall for this click bait? That’s really desperate and stupid.

What is your endgame Chris? You make no sense.

To give you an idea of how bad the deletion is, only 12 videos from this year remain, and I see at least three getting deleted. The Lego Dimensions review mentioned above? Gone! What are your reasons?

6: All I can do is sell out!

Last year, Chris had been making videos where he showcased a product often unrelated to video games. It became clear these were nothing more than paid promotions. Now, a smart YouTube user would put these promotions as part of another video, usually the end. That way the viewer can click off if they don’t care for what they’re hocking.
Chris on the other hand makes single videos, or a long video where he compiles a bunch of shit together. This year he went to 11 and it hurt him hard. Making several tech showcases and looking at disgusting bloatware apps that promise gift cards if you download a bunch of crap and ruin your phone. Fans hated all the selling out, dislike bombing the videos. Chris did not care, he was getting paid, fuck the fans. Hmm, that seems like it’s going to be a theme.

5: BOXES HOLY FUCK!

Chris killed off most of his series, but started a new one and keeps it going because it’s lazy and he gets free stuff.
Box Wars, a show where he unboxes various swag services like Loot Crate. That’s it.
Early on he tried to “spice it up” with editing and wackiness, but eventually he didn’t even bother and now it’s just him showing the contents of 10 different boxes per video. It’s boring! But what do you expect from Chris Bores?
Like the above tech shilling, this is all paid promotion. Only where other channels will sign up for one or two services, Chris check marked ALL OF THEM. Oh and in case you didn’t realize, many of the items are COOL. Seriously, he says “cool” so much that it’s almost a verbal tic. As shown here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AHUb-scBzNc

I don’t get how anyone can find this series entertaining? Because you want to know what’s in the boxes? Most of them are rip-offs, you get crap. Invest your money in something else people.

4: This salty Facebook post

This kind of relates to the tech shilling and boxes.
Earlier this month, Chris posted this on his Facebook.



Woof, it’s almost like he channeled the spirit of DSP or Andrew Dobson. Critical salt levels!
I haven’t posted this yet as I wanted to include in a post about how Chris is making his money. Unfortunately the lead I had on it ran cold. But if what I‘m told is true, Chris won‘t do Patreon or services everyone else does and would rather sell video space to product creators so he can make tech “reviews” and Box Wars. Because that somehow makes more sense?
Chris, it’s clear you haven’t made real money on YouTube in years (at least not through IG). It’s also clear that people stopped watching you. You lost focus and instead of trying to make the channel grow or change, you gave up. Don’t cry about it, you’ll come off like DSP, who never shuts up about the views he gets (or doesn’t get).
And yeah, Chris’ views are abysmal. His latest (another shitty tech showcase) only has 13k views in two weeks. Wooooow. How the mighty have fallen indeed. Looks like Guru Larry was right to put you in his “forgotten YouTube gamers” list. You shouldn’t have pushed people away.

3: The final episode and you end with a tired NES joke

Only two regular Irate Gamer episodes were posted this year, the second one might be the finale. We’ll see.

I can’t imagine he planned to end the show here because it was awful.
The game he looked at was Duck Hunt. Now how do you make a 6 minute video on such a simple game? You shoot ducks, you shoot clay pigeons, and the dog laughs if you miss. That’s the whole game! But somehow Chris managed to pad it out. All so he could tell the same tired joke about how much of a dick the dog is. Something people have been making jokes about for YEARS! Hell, he already did that in his Jaws review where he killed the dog for “HUR HUR RANDOM”.
But nooo he has to make it a show. He has to chase the dog through a bunch of games with some of the worst green screen ever. How anyone says this sequence was good I don’t know. But he doesn’t just shoot the dog, no he has to go to the Pit in Mortal Kombat and upper-cut him into it for a Fatality because REFERENCES!

What a wet fart of a possible ending.

2: The complete cutting off of Irate Gamer

I mentioned above that the Duck Hunt episode might be his last one. The evidence piled up hard. The biggest being the channel going from Irate Gamer to CB Network, and the focus away from video games to ghosts and shilling. Basically, no content because ghosts aren’t real and shilling is empty.
He also stated on his site that Season 5 is the last one. Again, we’ll see.
Now why is this one the worst moments list? Surely this is a good thing?
I’m speaking for his fans, how he left them out to dry without giving a clue. Sure, he stated on Facebook that he retired, but when people in the YouTube comments point this out, they get deleted. Why he doesn’t want his YouTube audience to know I can’t say. Perhaps he’s hoping they stick around and not unsubscribe in droves? Toooo late, he’s been bleeding subs for a while.
At one point, he did throw around the idea of a Kickstarter to fund Season 6. I questioned this as his show is uber low budget and he already has the games (or he’ll likely just emulate them). But then he just said “screw it, I don’t care if you want to fund it, fuck the fans”.

Chris ended the Irate Gamer without any fanfare, he just let it quietly die. Leaving his fans to wonder “what are you doing?” Give them something Chris, something of substance, something worth sending your show out on. Perhaps you should have done that with the retarded Power Rangers episodes.

Maybe he hoped nostalgia would kick in? Next year it will be 10 years since he started the Irate Gamer. Thing is, I don’t think that will happen. I’ve heard far too many fan testimonies that they liked him when they were younger, forgot about him, then looked back with a more critical eye and realized “Why did I like this to begin with?” The 12 year olds just stopped coming, and went to other (better) content creators.

But for all I know, he’ll come back and pretend like he never left. Then again… he found something that managed to make him money with the least amount of effort possible.

1: New show, new audience, fuck the old fans

Soooo what has happened to Chris to completely and utterly (try to) stop the Irate Gamer? He found something lazier.
At the beginning of the year, Chris started a new channel for the “Marty and Muffin Show”, a puppet show where he “reviews” toys. Marty and Muffin were very quickly tossed aside when he realized he could exploit one of the most popular games in the world for profit. Enter Minecraft Puppet Steve.
Portraying a puppet based on the default avatar from Minecraft, Chris “reviews” toys. By which he describes the toy, makes stupid jokes, has wacky shit happen, and says it’s cool. Early in the channel’s life, he did the same “throw everything and see what sticks” method he used in 2015 when he did multiple videos a week. Doing things like movie reviews and trailer reactions, neither of which he does now. Chris would eventually find his audience not with Minecraft toys (no that would be obvious) but Five Nights at Freddy’s toys. I have no idea where he’s getting the views, his subscriber and view count is way off. Is it little kids that aren’t allowed to have YouTube accounts yet? I’ve seen at least one comment where they admit they’re five years old.

Despite starting in January, I wouldn’t learn about this channel until August. Chris did a good job keeping it secret for that long. But that raises a question, why did he keep it secret? Why not tell his fanbase of at least 160k subscribers? It’s likely Chris didn’t want those fans, he wanted new fans, dumber fans, five year olds that will watch anything no matter the quality. For a while he deleted any and all comments on his Facebook asking about Puppet Steve. Eventually he subtly caved by adding it to his “Other Channels” section on “CB Network”. But he hasn’t outright said it’s him or told his fans to check it out.

So it’s meant for kids, is it at least good for them? Oh god no. Chris is under the belief that since he’s making something for kids, he doesn’t have to put in any effort. As I said, the reviews are not reviews, they’re unfunny comedy bits that seem more like Chris showing off his collection rather than informing his audience.  Kids have a million options for entertainment, and this is among the worst.
Chris also believes that since it’s for kids, he can write like he’s a kid. His usual redundancy and captain obvious shtick is still intact here. It’s also clear he knows nothing about the franchises he covers, especially Five Nights at Freddy’s (and that’s his main thing somehow).

And get this, Steve is far more annoying than the Irate Gamer. Steve is an egocentric dick that has to constantly crow on how awesome he is and how he’s soooo cool and all the other toys are lame compared to him. If you have to claim you’re cool, you’re not. Yet somehow the kids love this!

It also became clear that all the tech product shilling was likely done just to fund this channel. Good luck trying to get the word out to his fans, Chris will delete delete delete.

I could fill an entire list with moments from Puppet Steve (that Deathstroke video… *shudders*) but there lies another problem with the series, it’s beyond formulaic. Nearly every video is the same. Steve shows the toy, Zombie Steve says something, he talks about the toy with as little detail as possible, wacky jokes, the toy comes to life, wacky jokes, end on a wacky joke. It all runs together.
Sometimes there’s a change. Like Chris will bring his step-daughter on to voice Puppet Alex (based on the other default skin in Minecraft) so she can review girl toys. This is actually preferable because “Alex” sounds like she knows what she’s talking about, and wants to review things. I think Chris got offended by my preference for her as she hasn’t appeared in a while. I thought “busy with school”, but she’s like 7 and they have weekends.
He also did a couple gameplay videos. One on Lego Dimensions where he clearly didn’t know how to play, and one on Five Nights at Freddy’s Sister Location, which he never finished. Smooth.
Otherwise, most of the videos are the same and it’s boring.

Somehow, he gets lots and lots and lots of views. Apparently kid channels like this are really popular. If this is what Chris wants to do, then he needs to put in effort. Like Irate Gamer, kids will not look back on this fondly. They’ll rewatch it when they’re older and realize “this is the dumbest thing ever”. Chris can’t grow if he continues to half-ass it, just like the Irate Gamer. History repeats.

And so, 2016 comes to a close. I know people are constantly wondering if I’m done. … I don’t know. All depends on what stupid shit Chris does next. He could actually release his announced second book, I could get info from someone close to him that leads to some really big answers, Puppet Steve might actually evolve behind “same shit different toy”.

I leave with one more piece of advice for Chris. Make sure the news you read is true, check your sources, don’t fall for obviously fake stories.

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Bores Continues to Use "CB Network" Just to Shill

Bores actually posted two videos yesterday. Unfortunately it's all paid promotion with no actual content.
First video is some hard drive, and the title he wrote for it is like a 10 in "shameless clickbait".
Western Digital NEXT GENERATION of HARDDRIVES!
Yeaaaah I don't buy it. Chris seems to understand his remaining fans hate these videos as comments are disabled.
Second video is another Box Wars. Yawn.
What's weird about these videos (and the previous Box Wars) is that he's filming them at a different angle. Instead of sitting in front of his posters, he's sitting in front of his game shelves. Did he remove the posters on the wall? Too bad Chris is incapable of communication like a normal YouTube user.
The comments on the Box Wars are open, but seems Chris is modding them hard. I noticed one user with an AkaNinger avatar (Shuriken Sentai Ninninger) who was yelling at everyone that "CHRIS IS RETIRED, STOP BEING MEAN!" because people kept asking for real content. However, all those comments are gone now. Is Chris trying to hide from his YouTube fans that he's retired? Pick a position and stick with it!

I have to wonder if "CB Network" is going to only be active in October. Despite his claims to the contrary, Chris really doesn't seem dedicated to ghost hunting, and only seems to talk about around Halloween. What is he doing the rest of the year? Well, besides buying plastic crap and making the same video again and again and again and again and again and again and this is why I barely talk about Puppet Steve.

Speaking of, over there we find more fucking FNAF. Another Minecraft video. A look at Harley Quinn statue that's from Arkham City, but because Chris is desperate for clicks like a Buzzfeed whore, he puts Suicide Squad in the title. It's just sad at this point.
All the Lego Dimensions Adventure Time figures, because fuck the rest of Wave 6 & 7.
And... I am not kidding, Emoji toys. Not the characters from that upcoming animated movie produced by Sony, but actual figures based on the Emojis you find in your phones. This reeks of "How do you do fellow kids?"
"Easter Egg" is in the title, which apparently he calls it that because he has an "Easter Egg" box. ... No that doesn't make sense! Ugh... Chris really is a moron...

But that's not the most recent video. The newest is more fucking FNAF.
It's not even new toys, it's about toys that aren't even out yet. Holy shit! It's like Chris is thinking "FNAF is the only thing that gives me views, I need to milk it more and more, I don't care how vapid and stupid it is!"
In the video he says "We're one of the top YouTube channels that talks about the McFarlane Five Nights at Freddy's toys!" Chris still loves his overly narrow superlatives. Just like how he tried to show his book was a success with narrow Amazon categories. Can someone actually check on Chris? I don't think he's mentally doing well.

That's about it from me. Should probably work on the year end list, if I even have anything to write about.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

End of November Update

Sooo... how are you guys holding up? You doing alright?

Things have been quiet on Irate Ga- I mean "CB Network" front. Nothing has been posted since his Toledo Airport "ghost hunt" on Halloween. He's been surprisingly active on Facebook, posting awful political image macros that show his dependence on fake news (which has now become a real problem). As well as an edit of Excitebike's box art with Pee-wee Herman as he goes "HUR HUR ONLY 80'S KIDS WILL GET THIS". Fuck you Chris, it's bad enough when people do that "only 90's kids will get this" garbage, we don't need you doing it with the 80's! Also, Pee-wee's Big Adventure is not an obscure movie.

Puppet Steve on the other hand has been very active.
More FNAF, more Peppa Pig that he won't disclose is a brand deal, a Lego Star Wars video where he misspells Rogue One in the title and STILL HASN'T FIXED IT! The entire video is nothing but "ME BLOW THINGS UP ME FUNNY".
He actually did another Minecraft video. A video on the new Trolls movie (well, the toys related to it). The Lego Dimensions Fantastic Beasts Story Pack, but only the set. I think after we exposed his PSN account he's too scared to do more gameplay videos. Either that or he's lazy.
A video on Muppet toys which I imagine are old since the Muppets are essentially a dead franchise now (Most Wanted bombed, new TV show cancelled).

He does do an amiibo video... kind of. I want you to read this fucking video title. "Thanksgiving Christmas exclusive Boo Amiibo Skylanders jingle bell choppy mage chicken lego Unboxing"
What in the name of word salad word vomit is this garbage?
The video itself has him claim the Boo amiibo is Halloween related. It's not. It came out along the other six figures in Super Mario Wave 2. I think he wanted to talk about the Christmas themed Jingle Bell Chompy Mage Skylander but felt that wasn't enough content? I don't know, Chris' thought process is just baffling now.
He also makes some clear rookie mistakes involving Skylanders, like noting how his in-game apparance matches the toy. No shit. He also misspells the name in the title as "Choppy Mage" instead of Chompy. Looking it up, the Chompy Mage has been around since Giants, and the Chompy itself since the first game. Chris just seems to have trouble with the English language in general.
If you're wondering why Lego is mentioned, he wanted Lego Dimensions to do something Thanksgiving related and shows a mini-fig of a guy in a chicken suit unrelated to the game. Does Chris not understand that Dimensions relies entirely on licensed properties and holiday themed stuff would be difficult to do?

Speaking of Skylanders, reports are beginning to circulate that the series maybe done for. Imaginators sold poorly, the Netflix cartoon isn't getting many views, and they're having trouble moving the figures. This post on NeoGAF does a decent job explaining how it happened.
Basically, Activision got greedy. It happened with Guitar Hero, and it's likely going to happen with Skylanders.  This only leaves Lego Dimensions to carry the Toys-to-Life mantle (and amiibo but they're more a multi-purpose tool at the moment, unless Nintendo has a big game planned for Switch).
Looks like Chris lost a major source of income if this ends up true. Granted, he can probably whore himself out to more and more FNAF and Jazwares crap.

Think we'll get something of substance in December? We will see.

Saturday, November 5, 2016

We Might Truly Be at The End of Irate Gamer

This is the way the Irate Gamer ends. Not with a grand finale, but a sad ghostly whimper.

Chris has gone through some major changes in the last couple days. Along with more videos getting deleted (he's now under 200, so much for that big celebratory video which is probably gone too), he's dropped the Irate Gamer name. His channel is now "CB Network" (pfft, network). His avatar is the one he uses on one of his Facebook pages where half his face is in shadow and he's trying to be "spooky".

The channel comes with a new description that surprisingly lacks ego.
"Chris Bores Network coming at you with a wide variety of shows: Interviews, Ghost Hunts, The Irate Gamer Show, Irate the 80's, and History of Video Games."
Interviews huh? More generic questions that have no substance?
Maybe those last three are mentioned in the same way TV networks mention repeats? Because I don't think he's coming back, at least not now.

He's started advertising his Season 5 DVD, and is claiming this is the final season.  Yeah, an entire season of bashing classic games, that's how he decides to go out. Considering Duck Hunt was the last episode produced, his show literally ends with a joke that's been done a million times, one that he's even done himself in the early days. You're really screwing over what few fans you have left if that's how you end the show. They want real closure, they want a finale, or at least a video answering questions. One that's not full of bullshit like your "Opening Up" video.
Oh and so much for "I might do Kickstarter". Yeah nice job giving false hope to your fans. That will really help you when your next project fails to take off.

This also leads into his site being changed. theirategamer.com now redirects to a revamped chrisbores.com. On there, IG is nothing more than a mention, he's all about how amazing his ghost hunting is and how he's the expert and blah blah blah ghosts are still bullshit. Love that he's still flaunting his Hardcore Pawn appearance even though the show is dead and his episode never even aired (if the story was true anyway).

What's interesting is that Chris put a new Featured Channel on the IG side. Minecraft Puppet Steve. Looks like Chris is done pretending he has nothing to do with it. I'm guessing Guru Larry exposing him made him realize he can't hide forever, no matter how many Facebook comments he deletes. Yet somehow my many posts didn't get your ass in gear. I know you read this Chris!

Is IG truly truly truly done? Hard to say, Chris has a bad habit of crawling back to it. Like when he said Season 4 was the end, but then came Season 5 when nobody wanted his ghost crap.
Sure, Minecraft Puppet Steve is doing decently right now, but Chris has a very big problem that I don't often bring up because it's not as noticeable in the short term. Chris is incapable of growth.
As Guru Larry has pointed out to me multiple times, Chris' subscriber count stagnated hard. In the last five something years, he's only gained 20k subscribers. That is depressing for someone that puts out regular content. Chris' ego made him believe that he was doing something right all along, and thus he never tried changing the Irate Gamer. If he did, it was barely noticeable. The storyline of Season 4? Same shit as before but with extra scenes and "characters". Season 5? Bashing classic games instead of legit bad ones because he's incapable of proper criticism.
A lot of people came to his channel for his History of Video Games series (I don't know why but okay), and from May 2009 to December 2015, he only got up to the Intellivision. The rare updates contributed to the stagnation.
Fans requested games all the time for IG Neo, and he very rarely took them. They wanted to see Minecraft, he never delivered. What he did deliver was often half-baked and clearly unfinished. This lead to more people leaving and less people subbing.

Chris did try to do different things in 2015. That's what it was all about. A weekly schedule of three videos, then two videos, then whenever he felt like it. See, the dwindling output is another reason you stagnated. The only time you explained things was when you went from 3 to 2, after that you didn't tell your fans anything. Your lack of communication is yet another reason. Your fans know nothing! They chomp at the bit for info about upcoming videos, but you stay silent. You pretend they aren't yelling at you.
You tried Let's Plays, but you never listened to criticism. In fact, when people pointed out moments in the Punch-Out LP where there was clear cheating, you deleted them. Hiding from the truth was never the answer. Not in 2007, not now.
You tried this new style of "crazy" review, and people HATED it. You did seem to wise up as you only did a couple more, but you were so in love with this idea that you made an entirely separate channel where you do nothing but "crazy". When those kids grow up, they're going to see what a hack you were. Just like all the kids that grew up watching Irate Gamer. More stagnation! Kids didn't want you, they wanted Let's Plays, they wanted games they know about. They don't want retro, they don't know what the NES is. They don't care about the toys you collected when you were a kid.

And yet in all these new ideas you were trying to showcase in 2015, you never tried the simplest one. Networking with other channels, having crossovers, trying to be more of a presence on the site. Sure you had a very bad reputation, but what you could have done is be honest and ask for forgiv-... wait, that kind of happened with the Opening Up video. Sure most of it was bullshit, but a lot of people believed you. Yet, when you went back into doing Irate Gamer, you made the same mistakes. Starting with DuckTales, you bashed a classic game and told the same style of jokes that made people dislike you in the first place. Then Kid Icarus, bashed a classic and told the same style of jokes. You had a golden opportunity, a chance to improve, but you went back to the same broken tools that failed you years ago. Another reason your channel stopped growing.

You tried to push your paranormal projects, but most of your channel doesn't care about that. They came for video games, and instead you show them boring night vision videos where nothing happens. Why you didn't just make a separate channel for these vid- oh right, you did. Y2B2006. My point still stands though, your fans didn't want to see this. Your big theater night from 2013? We know it was a bust, we know there was only like 20 people that showed up.
Oh and asking for positive reviews of your book on Facebook? That is the ultimate smell of desperation. You know how I know your claim that it was spammed with negative reviews was a big fat lie? The major gaps in review dates. An anonymous Amazon Customer posted a 1-star review on January 24th 2016. Someone called Truth of the 12's posted a 4-star on August 17th. A fan of yours named Michael posted a 5-star review on October 29th, the very same day you made that post crying about the negative reviews. By the way, your ploy for pity didn't work, he was the only one to give a phony positive review. In fact, the latest review posted on Halloween (also from a guy named Michael) is a 1-star review calling out your begging. We're not stupid Chris, despite what you want to think.

Do you think Puppet Steve can save you? You're making the same mistakes. Remember when you got a bunch of views from Skylanders content, and then you spammed Skylanders constantly, and all your fans left in droves? Oh hey, another reason for stagnation. You're doing the same thing, only with Five Nights at Freddy's. You got a bunch of views on FNAF content, and now you're spamming FNAF content constantly, even doing a video on a toy that was just announced. You're going to lose fans this way, they'll get tired of all the FNAF. Then again, there are bunch of channels that are nothing but Minecraft and they manage to retain an audience. But Minecraft does have a multitude of possibilities. Chris is fairly limited with what he can do with Puppet Steve, especially when every video looks and sounds the same. It's more formulaic than an episode of House.
Not to mention you're doing paid promotions without warning people that they're paid promotions! I know you're not doing Peppa Pig videos because you care for that series, I know Jazwares is following you on Twitter, why do you have to be so dishonest even in these videos for dumb kids?

Chris, for once in your life, be honest. Don't beat around the bush, don't make up stories, don't pretend to your mother and scream at people about how they're evil Clinton supporters just for disagreeing with you.
By the way, someone posted the comment "she" left on Guru Larry's video onto Chris' Facebook, and he played dumb about it, asking "what does that have to do with anything?" Come on Chris, we all know you're pretending to be mommy dearest, stop denying it.
I think you'll realize that being honest with everyone will get you some fans back.

So what does this mean for this blog? Well, if Chris posts something of interest, like a playthrough on Puppet Steve, or the sudden return of IG when he gets desperate, I'll be there. I'll also clean the spam when it happens.

What I really want to see is someone interview him, and not a fluffy late-night talk show interview, I mean a Brian Ross investigative interview that gives us answers. If not from him, then someone close. Maybe someone from GotGame that knew him? Maybe someone that worked with him? I want to get in contact with Eric Allen but I can't seem to message him on his channel. https://www.youtube.com/user/eallen001
Answers would be nice.

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Chris Continues the Sister Location LP. I'm Surprised It Didn't Take 3 Months!

Hmmm, where to start? Let's go with Puppet Steve as that's what I imagine most of this post will cover.

On Monday, he posted a video where he reviews socks. ... I am not kidding. Well, he reviews a special edition Ghostbusters 2016 Blu-Ray that comes with socks. Is there a market for this?
In it, Steve said it was a good movie. You know, I shouldn't be surprised. Chris loved Pixels, and a lot of critics have noticed tonal similarities between the two.
He also says "it's the extended edition, which has more scenes than in the original" There's not enough "no shit, sherlocks" in the world.
The thing that sticks out most though is what he says at the start. "All this week on the Puppet Steve channel, we're doing Halloween items". So this was posted Monday, and one can guess from that line he'll be posting a new video every day. ... Seems Chris still can't keep his promises. Tuesday, nothing. Wednesday, nothing. Today, noth- oh wait, there is something.

It's not a product review, it's more of his Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location LP. Or his "JumpScare Reaction Gameplay" Seriously what is this?
Now kids will know the annoyance of Bores promising something, and never fulfilling it.

Last time, Steve fear quit after the very first obstacle in the game. I wonder if this is how Chris treats every game.
I imagine we'll see more after he looked up- I mean watched some other vid- I mean TOTALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET PAST THE BIDYBAB ON HIS OWN

"I'm going to beat this stupid baby once and for all" Woooow that would be some great "out of context" material.
"I guess I showed that stupid baby diaperhead!" Chris, kids don't say this. Quit taking tips from shitty sitcoms.
He succeeds.
"Ugh, more of the stupid girl talking" Your sexism is showing Chris.
 Steve puts together that Circus Baby actually knows what's happening. Welcome to narrative Chris! You get a cookie.
He goes through the Ballora Gallery. I think there's jump cuts at points.
And like a moron, he was moving around when Ballora's music was nearby and gets jumped. You're supposed to stay still! Didn't you listen to Circus Baby?
He skips right over finishing the gallery and moves right to restoring the power with Funtime Freddy watching him.
He fixes some, gets jumped, then finishes fixing them. But then he skips over going through the Gallery again, and skips over the second part of The Immortal and the Restless. You don't know what fun is!

When the HandUnit asks for music, he wants Justin Timberlake. Yeah I'm sure you're totally a Justin Timberlake fan.
When he gets Casual Bongos, he makes a remark about Pitbull. I've only heard a few Pitbull songs but I don't recall hearing bongos in them.
Onto moving through Funtime Foxy's hall. I predict a possible quit from this part.
He gets his flash beacon, which Steve thinks is a camera. Did he fucking say it was a camera?! No surprise, he uses it too much and gets jumped. Blames Foxy. Still in the habit of blaming the game I see.
Gets through Foxy, and onto the part where he needs to repair Freddy.
He removes the part from the chest module and gets complimented for it. "Heh heh, well I am pretty cool" No you're not. You're the opposite of cool. Nothing about you can qualify as cool.
I stand corrected, he rage quits on trying to push the button on Bonnie's bow tie, and he gets jumped by him three times. Well, at least there was no Zombie Steve.

Slight improvement as there's more commentary, but that's not saying much.

Over on Irate Gamer, he posted a Box Wars last week. ... Oh, there is something more interesting.
According to reader Rick Lee, Chris stealthily dropped the Irate Gamer Season 5 DVD on his store. Yeah, no announcement or anything.
Guess Chris wants to squeeze a few more dollars out of the few IG fans he has left.
Says it contains 10 episodes, which I imagine are DuckTales, Kid Icarus, Punch Out, Spy Hunter, Mega Man, Donkey Kong, Kung-Fu, Castlevania, Excitebike, and Duck Hunt.
No extras are listed at all. I would not be surprised if Chris lazily slapped it together with just these episodes, with no changes to them. More copyrighted footage!
The cover art, which is only shown as a tiny thumbnail, is absolutely abysmal. The top 3/4ths of it are the start-up screen from the Irate Gamer Game. Chris just loooves to milk that image. On the bottom 1/4th are random screenshots. Looks like the ending to Kung-Fu, Duck Hunt, and a scene from Punch-Out. Shouldn't these go on the back of the box? Amazing how he topped the laziness of the last cover art.

Do you think anyone will buy this? It used to be that at least one purchase would be from Shawn of TotalActionAdventure, but I just checked the site and it's gone. The domain lapsed. That's a shame, I enjoyed reading it.
EDIT: Turns out Shawn simply moved site. You can see his new blog at this link. Thank you red for informing me about this.
Chris really needs to communicate better. Maybe then he wouldn't be included on a video about fallen YouTube stars made by someone that legit tried to help him.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Guru Larry Presents: The Untold Rise and Fall Stories of 3 YouTube Gaming Channels

Hello you! (oh noes, plagiarism)
Our old friend Larry Bundy Jr AKA Guru Larry has posted a new video going over how once popular gaming channels on YouTube took a major nosedive.

You can watch the video here.

I'm posting this as one of the subjects is Chris Bores himself. I also helped with some of the info.
You can also see how Machinima fell, and the complete obliteration of GameLife (now there's a relic).

Enjoy!