Monday, October 16, 2017

More Facebook Buffoonary on Hollywood and Machinima

More stupidity from Facebook, and by popular demand I have been asked to cover it. So I shall.

First we’ll look at a few sentences posted on October 12th. Here’s the image.



For those unaware, film producer and co-founder of Miramax Pictures, Harvey Weinstein, has been hit with several allegations of sexual harassment ranging from “inviting actresses to his bedroom” or “forcing a kiss on them” or “outright masturbating in front of them”. Essentially, a serial sexual predator. It has since opened the floodgates as several actors & actresses have come out with their own stories of harassment, and in the case of Ben Affleck, his attempt to condemn Weinstein has lead to a callout from Rose Mcgowan and a groping accusation from Hilarie Burton. It’s insane, and I hope it leads to some major changes in Hollywood.

While I will applaud him for calling out a monster, it’s highly disingenuous of him to say someone is “out of touch with reality” when he’s a ghost-hunting, Alex Jones listening, consumer of sensationalist tabloids found on Facebook. Chris once again shows his complete lack of self-awareness, and I think it’s too late for him to realize it.

Speaking of tabloids, here’s the second post, where he once again cries about the Irate Gamer channel failing.



Hoo boy where to begin?
I won’t post the article, I checked it myself and it’s clearly something made for clicks. The biggest red flag is that it cited Project Veritas as a source. For those unaware, they’re a “non-profit” organization that claims to be about “exposing corruption and truth” when really they’re scumbags that record without permission and much like Infowars, they perpetuate unfounded conspiracies.
Basically, Chris saw this on Facebook because it’s clear he’s one of those morons that place themselves in the social media bubble and only gets news tailored to them because “everything else is scary”

Now, he claims here that Machinima was created as YouTube’s Gaming Division. Wrong. While the concept of machinima (taking in-game character models and making a movie with them) has existed since the 80’s, the company, Machinima Inc., has been around since 2000, before YouTube was even a thing. Once again Chris fails at research.

Apparently they wanted Chris to join. I’m not surprised, outside of the Super Best Friends Play, most of Machinima’s partnered channels were pretty bad (hell they championed DarkSydePhil for years before finally wising up and dropping his giant ass). The next part of the story sounds like bullshit. They tried to bury his channel? Here we go again, Chris accuses someone of sabotage without any proof. “James tried to undercut me”, “YouTube isn’t the same” “Machinima tried to bury me”. At no point has Chris realized he needs evidence to back up his claims. Explain how it happened, show us how it happened, help us help you. Instead you just want us to take your word for it and believe it without question. Not how the world works.
Also, funny how he calls it a "gaming channel" when for years he claimed he was an "entertainment channel". Hell in the early years of his YouTube career, he tagged himself as a "comedian" (clearly not a very good one).

You want to know the real reason your channel failed, the real culprit behind it all? Look in the mirror Chris. You are the reason the Irate Gamer failed the way it did. You didn’t upload on a regular basis, you didn’t evolve, you kept the videos stagnant, you didn’t grow up with your fans, you weren’t getting new ones, you refused to network and branch out to other notable YouTube personalities, instead relying on cheap sponsorship deals, and you ended up killing your channel with a deluge of paid promotional videos that everybody hated. Your channel somehow didn’t grow past 145k subscribers, and I know you tried throwing everything at the wall to see what stuck, and that failed so hard. But instead of blaming others, you should have looked into yourself. Instead, you gave up and now you do vapid kids entertainment with zero educational value. You’re basically dangling keys. But it’s somehow more successful, Puppet Steve surpassed 200k subscribers, a number Chris only dreamed of as he edited the 400th scene of him falling from his chair.

If you’re wondering about Puppet Steve, same old shit. Fidget Spinners, FNAF, Minecraft, and Bendy (who even cares about him now that Cuphead is out).
He did however post a video of DBZ figures, and it actually caught my eye as one of the words in the word salad title was “Figuarts”. I thought “Nooo way, Chris didn’t spend that much money did he?” Figuarts are crazy expensive.
He didn’t, all the figures in the video were donated to him by some site. Great marketing strategy, work with a channel where the majority of the audience has no disposable income.
The video itself was the usual shit, overuse of “cool”, getting things wrong, the worst being when he looked at a Goku Black figure and called him “Goku in the black shirt” and claiming he came from “the Xenoverse video game from last year”. No Chris, he came from Dragon Ball Super, and he’s meant to be evil (he never really stated that in the video).
Also he uses music from the Faulconer soundtrack. Absolutely pathetic.

That’s it for now. His latest post is more ghost garbage, going to another stupid convention. Oh hey, there’s another reason IG failed, you never went to nerd culture conventions. I don’t just mean E3, you never went to Comic Con or MAGFest or PAX or even anime conventions. Then again, I imagine they wouldn’t go well. Lots of people asking questions you refuse to answer, or can’t answer.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Chris Reappears to Talk About Himself I Mean Skylanders & Toys R Us

Soooo it seems Chris is active on Facebook again, as my informant has pointed out. His latest post is about how Seth McFarlane's The Orville is better than the Star Trek reboot movies. Calling it "ShitTrek" (what is this, Pissed Off Video Gamer?). Even though the article he linked is talking about the new TV show (Star Trek Discovery). Doesn't matter anyway because The Orville is terrible and I imagine Discovery will be terrible too.

Buuut that's not what I want to talk about. A couple days ago he posted a little rant that was so utterly dumb that I had to reappear to talk about it.
For context, toy store chain Toys R Us has declared bankruptcy. This isn't really a surprise as they were not only overpriced, but handily beaten by Amazon (like the majority of retail stores these days).
Chris felt the need to give his thoughts about this.

"I know the company had been struggling for years and what really pulled their butts out of the fire was skylanders which made them billions."

What? Skylanders was not saving Toys R Us. Are you daft? Toys R Us has been dying for years. Just because you had good luck there doesn't mean THEY were having good luck.

"Now that skylanders died out, the money problems are back. And its a shame too. Activision really killed that franchise."

Actually I've heard rumors that they're simply taking a break this year and they'll be back. But even if that's just a rumor, don't be surprised Chris. This is Activision, they'll slaughter what doesn't work. Just look at Guitar Hero and Tony Hawk.
And again, Skylanders did not save Toys R Us. You realize there's a lot of other places that sold Skylanders right? Amazon of course, but also Target, Best Buy, Gamestop. I know TRU had some exclusive stuff but that's clearly not enough to get people to buy everything. Especially if they priced them like they priced amiibo (TRU amiibo was always a dollar more than every other place).

"The first skylanders game an awesome kids dungeon crawler game. And with every new installment, they pulled further away from that concept with stuff I just hated encountering."

Oh god this shit again. Chris, I've told you before. A game has to change things up every installment to avoid getting stagnant. Even games criticized for their redundancy change things up a little (Call of Duty, FIFA, Madden, Pokemon). If Skylanders was the same dungeon crawler game every year, it would have died out after the third. I get it Chris, you loved the first, but things change. I say that to Pokemon GenWunners too, things change, it's not always going to be the same, grow up you whiny little baby.

Oh and since it's obvious you don't get this, that's not the reason the game failed. Skylanders didn't fail because it changed things up. It failed because it got expensive. Every year you had to buy a new game, which ran more than $60 because you needed at least one figure for it, and then you had to buy all new toys. Every year they had a new gimmick in order to make you spend more. The Giants were bigger and more expensive, the Swap Force had a special swapping gimmick that made them more expensive, Trap Team had traps that you had to buy separately, Superchargers had the cars that made things even more expensive, and with Imaginators there's these Creation Crystals which I imagine add to the cost.
Even if you were well off with money to spare, this shit adds up. Not only in cost but in space, so much plastic lying around. Chris, how do you even walk around your house with all that crap you buy for Puppet Steve?
If you're curious how bad things got, check this site: http://skylanderscharacterlist.com/ Prices aren't listed, but the sheer quantity alone should make one second guess this franchise's viability.

"I guess my critisms fell on deaf ears."

Yes, he spelled "criticisms" wrong. He's also a deluded fool if thinks anything he said would have mattered. Nobody at Activision was listening to you Chris. Not as long as you kept on buying every new toy like a good little sheep. If you're so angry Chris, maybe make a video about it? Oh right, not enough FNAF.

In the comments, he mentioned that he hated Superchargers cause of the "mini-games". I haven't played it but are they really bad? Also, he said in his review he thought the game was okay, but now he hated it? At least when terrible sites like IGN and Kotaku say they hate a game they praised years ago, they have the excuse of "It was a different writer and they're no longer with the company". Chris doesn't have that excuse! Then again, Chris clearly doesn't care about consistency, or the truth.

So yeah, that's about it. Irate Gamer is still dead, and Puppet Steve is still boring samey garbage. He did actually post a gameplay video of Bendy and the Ink Machine. Some crappy horror game that parodies 1930's cartoons and involves Satan or something. It's not really a kids game but they still like it. Chris was of course months late to this bandwagon (I found playthroughs dating back to February 2017). He only played the first chapter (it's an episodic game with two chapters out) and instead of playing more, he's just talking about bootleg plushies. ... I don't get why he makes videos about bootleg crap, is he trying to warn parents? Newsflash Chris, they're not the ones watching, stupid kids are watching.
Otherwise, just a lot of boring samey garbage.... again I ask, where is he storing all this? 

Monday, June 12, 2017

Fan Testimonial from Prince Mario

Hi.
While I'm still retired from covering Bores, I will still post former fan testimonials. Here's one from Prince Mario.
If you have a testimonial you wish to submit, please let me know.

Hello to all of BatDan's readers I'm a somewhat popular youtuber by the name of PrinceMario (You can view my channel right here https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCz2fQphFH9QoFaYyvpO8fbw) In this post I'm going to tell my story on how I used to love Chris Bores when I was 10-12 and how I grew to hate the guy.

It all started back in 2009. I was just 10 years old at the time and we still had dial up because we couldn't afford wifi. Back then there were certain sites like YouTube that I had just discovered and found it to be the most amazing thing ever. I started looking up videos on Super Mario Bros 2 because I always wanted to know how the NES Mario games were (keep in mind that Mario 64 was the first Mario game I played so I didn't know a whole lot about NES) and the first result was Irate Gamer's Super Mario Bros 2 video. At the time I loved it because I was a huge Mario fan and I loved random humor. I also found his jaws and back to the future reviews and found them funny, 

At that point I was an Irate Gamer fan. I wasn't the kind of IG fan who would go and attack AVGN fans (I didn't know who AVGN was at the time) but I was just a casual fan who enjoyed his work. I would show my cousins at family gatherings Bores' reviews and they would find them funny. Just keep in mind I didn't know as much about retro gaming as I do now so at the time I thought Mario 2, Ghost and Goblins, and Contra were bad games because Bores said it. 

This all changed about a year later when I discovered the AVGN. I discovered his Ninja Turtles review and saw the date it was posted and thought that Bores directly stole from that video. Then I went and watched more videos by James Rolfe (Back To The Future, Mario is Missing, etc). However at the time I still enjoyed both Bores' and Rolfe's works and just thought they were similar.

Then in 2011 Bores posted an E3 video on him blowing up Ubisoft because he wasn't allowed to attend the conference and that was the first video by him that I hated. Then it got even worse. In 2012 James Rolfe posted a video promoting a Cheetahmen II kickstarted that got a lot of hate. At the time I didn't care too much about the video because I try not to get involved in internet wars (I didn't with the war between IG fans and AVGN fans).

However right when the whole flame war was going on Bores posted a video titled Ebegging The Spoof and I hated that video so much I unsubscribed from IG and totally lost all respect for him. After that I completely forgot about him.

That is until 2014 when he posted a 40 minute video attacking James Rolfe and this point is where I found the IG sucks blog. I started reading every post on the blog and going back to Bores's videos and thinking 'how did I find this funny." I then found I can't believe it's not AVGN and DoubleEdgedSowrd's take on the videos and that was where I found Bores entertaining to watch again. The guy's text commentaries were s o enjoyable. I also found the Third Rate Gamer and loved him and I wish he could make more stuff. 

Then afterward I started reading the blog until Bores called it quits. Now will Bores come out of retirement or put something that's worth ripping on. We don't know. That is my full story thanks to Batdan for letting me share this.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Looking Through a Snow Globe to One Last Poker Game

On January 18th 2006, struggling Ohio-based filmmaker Chris Bores opened a channel on the still young YouTube. Allowing him to post various videos including parodies of the popular show Mythbusters, a tribute to Back to the Future, and most prolific, his ghost hunting show Haunted Investigators. The channel did not get noticed, getting buried in the hundreds of newcomers signing up everyday. Discouraged, Chris looked to what was popular. What he found were several satirical videos of grown men complaining about video games from the 1980’s. Leading the pack was a series called The Angry Nintendo Nerd, later renamed The Angry Video Game Nerd. Created and produced by James Rolfe.

Inspired, Bores began work on a new series. Buying used NES games on eBay by the boatload, some used SNES games, some used consoles, and his effects & editing programs. Bores then consulted a thesaurus and found the perfect name. The Irate Gamer. He opened the separate “Irategamer” channel on April 23rd 2007, ten years ago to this day.
His first video was on Back to the Future for NES. In an effort to stand out from the other reviewers, Bores ended the review showing his “super special awesome” effects with a scene where he gets in his car and travels back in time to murder the CEO of LJN (classy). Bores stood by his effects as the reason he was successful.
Though the video was also loaded with similar jokes and points made in the AVGN’s video, and whatever new points he brought up were meaningless or poorly thought out (50 enemies? There’s not even 50 levels in Super Mario Bros!) the video went mostly unnoticed. Bores continued to make videos of poor (writing) quality, until he got to his eighth episode on Super Mario Bros. 2.

YouTube, seeing a video with higher than normal production values, but without the hard-R cussing Rolfe’s series was familiar with, took Bores’ Super Mario Bros. 2 video and featured it. Meaning front page and side-bar coverage all over the site. This lead to Bores getting a ton of new fans, and a lot of critics. His follow-up video on MUSCLE was also featured, leading to more fans. During this time, he sent an e-mail to Rolfe about how he was a major inspiration and how he’s sorry for “possibly copying” any of his reviews. Rolfe and his partner Mike Matei saw the letter and thought nothing of it. At least until his next video on Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Though Bores looked at more than one game, his review of the first game on NES was almost exactly like Rolfe’s review. Furious with him, Matei posted the e-mail to show what a fraud he is on the ScrewAttack forum. Chris Bores became one of the most hated video makers on the internet.

This did not stop him though as he continued making videos. He also got noticed by a small gaming website called GotGame, and similar to ScrewAttack hiring Rolfe, they hired Bores to make content for them. Leading to the creation of “Irate Gamer Neo” and his reviews of modern games.
As the internet screamed plagiarism accusations at him, a few people looked beneath and noticed an even bigger problem. Bores had no idea what he was talking about, and the reviews were beyond poorly written. Saying classic games like Ghosts & Goblins, Zombies Ate My Neighbors, and Contra were bad games. Realizing that there were people that actually believed him, people started posting videos pointing out the errors, and one person even made a blog. I won’t acknowledge them by name after they threatened my life, but I will say I was inspired by their blog to create Irate Gamer Sucks, and go even more in-depth into his videos and showcase how and why he’s wrong 98% of the time. I did so for 8 years, archiving his immense stupidity and slimy tactics (sub4sub, view cheating). I even convinced a lot of people that he was fraudulent.

I sat through the stupidity of 2008, the train wreck of Aladdin, the laughable attempt at looking legit with History of Video Games (didn’t even make it past Intellvision), the storyline with more holes than 9/11 theories, the absolute worst of IG Neo, the almost passable but still garbage I Rate the 80s, his attempt to bring back his ghost hunting career, his tell-all video that told even more lies and did nothing but throw Rolfe under the bus, his attempt at being a “professional” YouTube user with multiple videos a week, his first published book, and his utter devolution into shilling garbage before just giving up and going with toys and puppets.

Where am I going with this?  Well… I’m done. I don’t have anything else to say.
Chris isn’t making Irate Gamer videos anymore, and I don’t have anything new to say about Puppet Steve (it’s the same damn thing over and over again). No reason to keep going.

Not entirely at least, if anyone close to Chris is willing to do an interview about him, I’d be glad to do one. Whether it’s SWAGshow or Eric Allen or Brad Harp, or that guy from the TMNT Cereal video (who was he?) I’d be happy to listen. Maybe someone from the ghost community? Maybe even get answers for some of the big unsolved mysteries. Like the validity of LadyBuggin777, how hard Chris actually worked on his videos, Chris’ job outside of YouTube, the reason for countless delays and how it somehow took over 3 years to do his stupid storyline,  and how legitimate of a gamer he was (and considering his complete abandonment of games, it’s likely he wasn’t legit at all).
I’d also be glad to take more former fan testimonials, or even current fans that are likely upset that he’s abandoned you without any closure, instead focusing on an audience of 6 year olds in a show that’s essentially “dangling shiny things in front of you”.
If Chris does come back with actual content, you bet I’ll be back. Otherwise, I no longer have content myself.

Through all the years, trials, tribulations, fans, haters, drama, comedy, I hope you enjoyed reading every last bit, even the early posts that I don’t look back on too fondly.

Special Thanks:
- I’d like to thank my informants for keeping me in the loop with whatever bullshit Chris was up to.
- I’d like to thank Uatu the Watcher for finding a lot of information I never would have found myself, including Chris’ activity in an old Yahoo Group for a Beanie Baby knock-off called the Meanies.
- I’d like to thank Larry Bundy Jr for providing plenty of information about YouTube and Chris himself.
- I’d like to thank Mike Matei for providing evidence of Chris’ lies and for more information.
- I’d like thank Lewis Lovhaug and Brad Jones for reading my stupid ramblings and inspiring me to keep going.
- I’d like to thank the person that showed me Puppet Steve for the first time. I never mentioned him as I questioned his legitimacy, but he claimed to be related to Chris’ wife Nicole and provided some scathing information about him. Don’t take this as fact, but he claimed Chris didn’t hold a job, spending all his time looking up 80’s media. Nicole was angry that he wasn’t looking for a job. They were so cheap they didn’t buy soap, they made their own. The Skylanders stop-motion video was only done in a couple days, not weeks like he claimed. Plus some other info I don’t recall off the top of my head. Again, take with a major grain of salt. I didn’t post it until now as I doubt Chris himself cares at this point.
- I’d like to all the people that didn’t fall for his “Opening Up” video.
- Most of all, I’d like to thank you the readers. Even in the dark times you kept me going. I can’t thank you enough.

*turns off the light*

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

I'm sorry

Uggggh, what's the date? March 14th?! Where did the time go?!
Oh god so much Puppet Steve, and I imagine it's mostly the same crap. Chris is so lazy, and "safe", meaning that he won't try anything new. I can just tell it's all the same, it's always been for months. Do kids really like seeing the same thing over and over?
What has he posted? More Powerpuff Girls 2016. I don't think that show's doing well, Cartoon Network isn't spamming it like they do with Teen Titans Go and Gumball. I wouldn't be surprised if it goes off the air soon. Then again if morons like Chris keep buying the toys, it will probably last.
A look at the Sonic set in Lego Dimensions, wow you are late! That came out in November, what the fuck have you been doing?
Then I looked ahead and saw him reviewing Mario Kart 8 Happy Meal Toys. How desperate are you? This is the worst tie-in ever since he's only doing this for the release of the Switch. What makes this even worse is that these are OLD, as in 2014! WHAT THE HELL?! Why do you think anyone wants to watch you play with 3 year old toys that do nothing?! How dumb are you Chris? Then again, being late to the party has always been a thing for him.
Also, Zombie Steve is wearing red now. Because "he needed a new shirt" according to the comments. You are so retarded Chris.

So yeah... I've really got nothing. I'm sorry.
Been busy with work, and Zelda, and just life in general. You know how it is?
Chris really isn't giving me anything, he seems content vomiting the same content as long as it gets him views from stupid six year olds. Completely cynical and soulless, no effort at all. Just... why?

Friday, February 24, 2017

Why "Puppet Steve" Fails as a Kid's Show

You guys realize that this is a hobby right? I don't keep up with this full time.
I know I haven't done highlights for the first half of February, but since February is a short month, I'll just do the entire thing in one post. Especially as a bunch of videos are "Steve" at ToyFair 2017 and have very little to bring up. I will mention that Chris screwed up and showed his real hand in one of them. Probably would have gotten weird looks if he wore the felt gloves.

To hold you over, I'm going to respond to one piece of criticism I've been getting. "Puppet Steve is for kids, it doesn't have to be good, and is above your mocking".
No. Hell no.
The idea that something intended for kids doesn't have to be good is a disgusting mindset used by cynical assholes and greedy fat cats that think children will watch any crap you just throw on the screen. Children deserve better, and there is far better out there.

Puppet Steve is absolutely toxic to children. Here are some reasons why.

Pandering

This is where most kid's media fails, by pandering to the lowest common denominator. Fart jokes, poop jokes, bad puns, references, instead of trying to craft a narrative with well-written characters and conflicts. You can have the above sure, but don't let them take precedent.
"Puppet Steve" is nothing but pandering, but of a different kind. "Look at the toys! Look at my toys! I have toys! TOYS TOYS TOYS! Kids love toys! Love me kids! LOVE MEEEEEE and give me money!" He condescends to a child's love of toys in order to keep their attention. It's shameless and more parents should notice this.
The references only make things more annoying, especially when he references media that his uber-young audience has no idea about!
Unsurprisingly, Chris adores clickbait. Putting in subjects that have nothing to do with the video in the vain hopes of getting higher in searches. Like putting Lego in the title of a toy that isn't Lego. One bad example is when he looks at a Batman: Arkham City themed Harley Quinn statue, but he puts Suicide Squad in the title because "it's popular and will make me money".

Repetitive Flood of One Subject

Much like when Irate Gamer got a small boost in views with Skylanders and flooded the channel with related videos (and likely sped-up its death), Puppet Steve got a small boost in views when looking at Five Nights at Freddy's and now the majority of his videos are related to the haunted animatronics because "money money money". This will bite him when FNAF is no longer a hot property. But the overabundance of FNAF does hurt the channel when he also showcases other toys. He could expand on those but NOPE MORE FNAF GOTTA HAVE MORE FREDDY.

Now I am aware there are toy channels that specialize in one genre, like Transformers and Tokusatsu (Kamen Rider & Super Sentai/Power Rangers). However, those toys offer far more variety and value than the boring plastic FNAF figures Chris is always flaunting. That and those channels do something that Puppet Steve NEVER does.

Not a Real Review Show

Chris never actually reviews the toys he looks at. He'll briefly show something, but instead of going into detail he'll just tell a joke and move on. That's not how you review something.
The above mentioned Transformers and Toku toy channels actually go into detail, describe the positives and negatives, the toy quality, the ways to use it, if it's a good deal or price. Chris never goes into any of this. The most he'll say is "cool". I know that most of the toys he looks at are boring plastic figures with no articulation, but that turns around to another problem, Chris is limiting himself. There's plenty of entertaining toys to make reviews about, instead Chris just opts to do lazy "joke" showcases. He shouldn't call what he does a "review show", but a "showcase". "Hey kids, today I'm going to showcase this toy. Isn't it cool Zombie Steve?" Just throw away all pretense that this is a review.

Incapable of Taking Criticism

If you ever venture into the Puppet Steve comments, you might notice something among all the poorly spelled gibberish from 6 year olds. There's no negativity. "Perhaps he's just that good" No, this is YouTube, people will be negative about anything. Instead, Chris just hides every negative comment and pretends everything is perfect and happy. Amazing how after 10 years, Chris still can't take criticism.

Puppet Steve is Not a Good Role Model

To the parents hopefully reading this, your kids should not follow how Puppet Steve acts. He's insanely egocentric, but keeps trying to pretend he's a good guy. He isn't, he yells at his friends, he acts like a bully towards "Puppet Alex", he constantly has to stroke his own ego with the few times he does discuss Minecraft toys, it's all extremely annoying and makes him unlikable and unwatchable.

This wouldn't be the first time. Back on Irate Gamer, he was lauded as a hero and a chosen one, but he was extremely insensitive, rude and violent. Yet we were supposed to root for him because... reasons. He commits more evil than the actual "Evil Gamer". Oh god I hope we don't get an "Evil Steve".

There's No Actual Minecraft in "Minecraft Puppet Steve"

At the beginning, Chris wanted to make this the "Marty and Muffin" show. Same premise of toy non-reviews but with original characters. When that didn't catch on in an instant (seriously, only two videos) he looked up what's popular and decided "Minecraft". Hence, Minecraft Puppet Steve. However, the only reason is brand recognition and not actually playing the game. Yeah, there's no Minecraft gameplay on his channel. I don't think he's even played the game. I recall back in 2013, on his site he wrote a post about the South Park episode "Informative Murder Porn" where all the adults try to learn Minecraft after the kids blocked the "IMP" channels with a Minecraft related password, and in it Chris said "I never understood it".

And it's clear that even now, he still hasn't bothered to play it. In the videos where talks about Minecraft toys he makes mistakes. Like calling "The End" the "Enderzone" or that the Enderdragon breathes fire (it doesn't). This only showcases how completely cynical and soulless this whole show is, he just attached himself to a popular thing and trying to ride the train as long as he can before people get sick of it and he cries into his ghosts before going into another trend. You need to stop chasing trends Chris, find what you want.
Speaking of cynical...

Cynical, Lazy, and Insulting to Kids

I feel this is Puppet Steve's biggest crime. Chris does not want to entertain kids, he just wants money. He wants to put the least amount of effort in possible for maximum profit. He hated doing Irate Gamer because he had it be an effects showcase, and that's what his fans expected. With Puppet Steve, he barely has to put in effects, and if he does they're really basic ones like copying an image or green screen.
This connects to the above, how he'll do the bare minimum and hope for money. Chris doesn't understand that he needs to work harder, as eventually he'll lose his audience, just like he did with Irate Gamer. History can repeat if you don't learn from it. Being lazy and soulless like this is only going to drive people away.
You can deliver an entertaining product for kids, you need talent. Chris lacks that, and we know he lacks that, and I guarantee that when those children get older, they'll look back and realize "Wow, this is shit". It happened with Irate Gamer, and it will happen here. Side-note: Any other former IG fans want to provide testimonials? I'll be happy to share them.
Chris' lack of care is evident in every video. There is no passion. Chris doesn't know anything about the toys he's showcasing. It's evident when it took him like 30 videos to get Chica's gender right. Puppet Steve is nothing more than a product to throw at kids while ad revenue rolls in and he doesn't have to put in any effort. Pretty sure he copypastes his scripts too. You haven't earned a damn thing Chris, and I hope you realize that.

On another note, to any parents possibly reading, I should warn you that Chris Bores is a Pizzagate believer and possibly believes in other conspiracy theories. He listens to Alex Jones and he believes in ghosts. His attempt at conning people with his book Ghost Hunting 2.0 completely failed. I don't think you want your kids listening to a man that unironically believes in the guy that screams about chemicals turning the frogs gay.
Just keep an eye on what your kids are watching, they're the future.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Puppet Steve "Highlights" January 16-31 (plus Chris' 7th IG Retirement)

Sorry for the late posting everyone, I’ve been busy. The days just get away from me.

Before we get to the “highlights”, there’s something major to address. Chris has since changed the CB Network description to say that Irate Gamer is now retired. Basically saying “thank you for the 9 years, and the haters too”. No video, no explanation, just a lazy “it’s over, go away” channel description. … And I don’t buy it.

See, Chris recently posted another shilling video, for some crappy mobile game called “Best Fiends Forever” where you just tap the screen a lot. He mentions some event that will happen in February, but the text on screen says “event ends January 23rd”. Five days before he posted the video. Smoooooth.
Now what’s weird is that despite being “retired”, his posters are still up. You’d think if he was truly done, he would take those down since he only has them for “Irate Gamer”. Not only that but all his games are still there behind him. Put them in storage or sell them off. Chris has done this before, where he cries retirement but then comes back. Probably trying to pull “no don’t go we still love you”. He’s really bad at hiding it. Of course we don’t know for sure if fans want that since the latest video disabled comments and ratings. Pretty sure your sponsors don’t like that.

If you really really REALLY are done Chris, make a video. Explain why. Tell the fans the truth, they deserve it. Stop being a coward for once in your life.

Now then, here’s the “highlights” for the second half of January on Puppet Steve. Eight videos.

Minecraft Wild Animal Pack Action Figure Jazwares Set Unboxing - Puppet Steve

- Chris really should use a different puppet if he’s barely going to talk about Minecraft.
- Zombie Steve can’t pronounce “animal” properly. Saying “aminals”. How old is he again?
- “This all new animal wild pack brings us all new animals” I DIDN’T KNOW THAT!
- His idea of the sheep “dancing” is to push it up and down. Laaame.
- “Black fur” It’s called wool! How dumb are you?
- Not even the end of the video and we already have a Zombie Steve tries to eat a toy “joke”. Who finds this funny?
- He claims the ocelot is the same as last time. It’s not, the new one has darker spots. It’s noticeable in the side view. Are you color blind Chris?
- And another eating toys joke? God damn it
- “Hostile Woof”
- Ah yeah, great features like a tail and legs that barely move. What fun!
- Dumb bit where the wolf does tricks. Uggggh.
- Actually that’s a Mooshroom, not a “Mushroom Cow”. Chris continues to show how little he knows about Minecraft.
- Awful bit where ZS and Steve are action figures instead of puppets. What’s the point?
- “He has a tail with a butt! Heh heh, butt” …………. Are you 2? I know the age gets lower every time, but… my god.
- It snows… indoors. Because ZS turned down the thermostat. … No.
- See this is why he fails as a reviewer. Any other reviewer worth their salt would bring up how the head and legs barely move at all and doesn’t make for a good toy. Chris is too much of a whore to care.

Five Nights at Freddy's Series 3 McFarlane Toys Parts and Services Playset Construction set Fnaf

- Well the FNAF crap didn’t take long. At least it’s a short video.
- Wonder if he’s going to brag about being one of the top channels that covers McFarlane Toys’ FNAF sets.
- Oh what the fuck, this isn’t even about a toy he has. This is about a toy that’s coming out.
- How can you even compare sizes when you only have a picture?!
- Dumb false jump scare from ZS
- Dumb bits involving multiple Foxy’s and Freddy’s. For some reason one of the Foxy’s call the FIVE Freddy’s “losers” because Chris doesn’t know how words work.
- Do his fans care for previews? Seriously?

SING illumination Movie Exclusive Action Figures Unboxing Review 2016 Puppet Steve

- Oh yay, crap from Illumination. Burn the Minions. Yes I know this is different but still, burn the Minions.
- So apparently Chris went to Universal Studios Florida. Where are you getting the money? Not only for toys but trips to Florida with your family that consist of your wife (?) and her two kids? That’s not cheap! Was it more ghost shit?
- It’s an exclusive toy, and Steve outright explains what “exclusive” means. I’m sure even the five year olds watching already know what that means!
- Buster Moon is holding a $100k contract. Steve demands ZS to sing so they can win. … It’s not real!
- ZS does the lamest rendition of Ghostbusters ever. Sounds nothing like it, and I know Chris wasn’t try to avoid copyright since he uses the theme ALL THE DAMN TIME!
- “That was terrible” So was your impression Chris, that sounded nothing like Matthew McConaughey. Not alright alright alright
- “I have to give that one 3 Poop Emojis” … How do you do fellow kids!
- Pointless singing bit with Ash who is voiced by ScarJo but sounds nothing like her. Sounds more like a chipmunk than a porcupine.
- Another pointless singing bit with Meena who is voiced by Tori Kelly, though looking at the movie’s official soundtrack, she doesn’t sing Shake It Off like in this video. I get the feeling Chris didn’t bother to research.
- Ends on Johnny, a gorilla voiced by Taron Egerton from Kingsmen. Chris makes him sing like a woman. … DUMB!

Five Nights at Freddy's Fnaf VS. NewIsland Lego Police Unboxing review

- *looks at title* … What?
- We got some knock-off Lego that you can probably find at a dollar store. Why is this a video?
- Did Chris make these names up? They’re absolutely retarded. Penelope von Worcestershire Sauce? What the fuck?
- Oh and a Minecraft figure of Steve tries to “hit on her”. I think…
-  These not-Lego vehicles look like crap
- Stupid stop-motion bit. … Is this the only reason this video was made? To have you “ride a motorcycle”?
- A police go-kart? What kind of crap is this?
- Then a zombie figure that’s meant to be Zombie Steve drives away with it.
- But then FNAF figures out of nowhere. Why? Because click bait and Chris knows these knock-off Lego would not make a popular video alone.
- And then a bunch of skits where the FNAF mascots steal vehicles. WHERE IS THE JOKE?! This is beyond retarded I mean wow.
- *slams head against wall* What was the point of this?!

MInecraft Mini Figures Playsets Series 1 Cave Biome Collection Playsets Unboxing Puppet Steve Show

- More stupid contests for FNAF garbage
- “Each one of these figures is super cute and cuddly” They’re plastic! Plastic is not cuddly! Do you even know what that word means?! They’re also waaaay too small.
- Looks at a playset called Mining Mountain “Let’s mine into this one. A HEH HEH” Steve’s laugh is starting to give me DSP vibes…
- “Grassy parts, mountain parts” Top notch reviewing!
- Ugh, dumb bit with spiders…
- “Check out this cool playset. It has lava, cool!” STOP SAYING COOL!
- “Arrows in my head” They aren’t in his head Chris.
- So he pushes the zombie mini-figure into lava, and adds custom fire to him. That seems like a lot of wasted effort Chris. Do you understand priorities?
- The third playset comes with a Creeper, which eventually results in Steve insulting them and getting blown up. Do Minecraft kids think getting blown up by a Creeper is a good joke EVERY TIME? Then again, I did see that awful Minecraft joke book where every punch line was either “he was blown up” or “what do you think happened”. Someone wrote that. I wonder if that’s where Chris got the inspiration for Minecraft “jokes”
- The final playset is called Waterfall Wonder and he says “I wonder what this one is about”. YOU’RE NOT FUNNY AND NOBODY ABOVE SEVEN LIKES YOU!
- The Alex figure reveals the waterfall … and the “Got an Item” jingle from Zelda plays. Good lord even here he can’t get his franchises right!
- “What is this, an episode of Indiana Jones or what?” Episode? Indiana Jones is a series of movies, they’re not episodes. Yeah there’s The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles but I don’t think that’s what he was going for.

PowerPuff Girls Laboratory Flip To Action Playset & Figures Packs Professor, Blossom Unboxing

- Oh no, toys from the awful reboot.
- Alex tackles Steve offscreen. Thank you.
- “Their girl’s toys” … I guess? I mean, the original show was enjoyed by everyone and I think that’s what they wanted with this reboot too. Then again, I don’t know what they wanted.
- When Alex points out there’s a toy box, Steve claims it looks like a toilet. Why does Steve keep bringing up toilets when Alex reviews stuff? It’s almost as bad as the AVGN and his toilet humor. Does Chris think that all girls hate toilet humor?
- Zombie Pigman? What?
- Steve thinks Utonium got Chemical X from Professor X of the X-Men. … He’s not that kind of professor Chris. Your jokes are not funny!
- Also his Utonium impression sucks.
- Why does Blossom come with a stuffed dinosaur? Must be something in the reboot.
- “Stuffed animal she has is a rubber ducky” Rubber duckys aren’t stuffed animals.
- ASDOFIlj;aedfijkasdlkjrtkl;aetj;klq34j; 6klkl;jst Sorry, there’s a retarded bit where Steve wants the PPG’s to work with Professor X to become the “X-Girls” so they can fight the X-Men. Afkkjladrtgsdfkl;kl;jsdfhjkl;se5gtk,kgkl’szegkl;sdfgkl;sdfgkl;arf
- “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard” Tiny bit of respect gained back for Alex.
- Chris, making Steve annoying isn’t endearing, it’s painful.

Minecraft LEGO The Iron Golem Set 2017 Building Toy 21123 Unboxing Review Puppet Steve

- I still think Minecraft Lego is redundant.
- No Puppet Magic to put it together? Good, hopefully Chris realized that was idiotic.
- “We got grass, mountains” TOP NOTCH REVIEWING
- “Weird looking cave thing” What makes it weird?
- “Some flowers. SNIFF SNIFF” … Really? You couldn’t actually make the sound of sniffing? You had to outright say “sniff sniff”? How dumb do you think your audience is?
- Dumb bit involving a Snow Golem puppet. The Snow Golem is a thing in Minecraft.
- Steve is mad because the set doesn’t come with him. Not everything is about your stupid character Chris.
- “Lego bacon. A-heh-heh” No.
- The stop-motion seems lazier here than in previous videos.

LEGO Dimensions 1980's Gremlins, ET, A-Team, Mr. T, Harry Potter Themed Sets Unboxing Voldemort,

- Last video… and it’s Lego Dimensions. I can do this!
- Sets based on franchises from the 80’s. Wow, stuff that came LOOOOOOOONG before your target audience was born. Your stupid 80’s boner is showing Chris.
- Oh and Steve & ZS are wearing stupid 80’s glasses.
- “So many” … There’s four sets.
- “Gremlins? I remember that movie” Chris is probably stoned on “member berries” on a daily basis.
- Gizmo has old 3D glasses on his base, and Steve tries to see him in 3D. … Dumb. They’re there because Gizmo wore those in the movie.
- Gizmo comes with a cookie, causing Zombie Steve to eat him. Woooooow that totally isn’t ripping off a much better puppet show. God, you can not be original at all can you Chris?
- E.T. comes with a flower… SO THAT MEANS A PLANTS VS ZOMBIES REFERNCE HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR HUR fuck you Chris.
- E.T. phones for pizza instead of home. … This feels like a rejected Family Guy bit.
- Next he looks at the A-Team set. “Oh man, gotta love that show” Your audience is five! They don’t know what that is!
- “Mr. T himself” No, that’s the character he played on The A-Team, B.A. Baracus. While there are occasional references to the actor, that’s meant to be the character in the show. In fact, there was a recent video posted to introduce Knight Rider into the game where KITT refers to him as “Mr. Baracus”.
- “Comes with the iconic A-Team bus” That’s a van you idiot! Way too small to be a bus! Also after he calls it iconic, he says “so iconic”. Stop with the redundancy.
- He’s looking at Harry Potter. Which didn’t come out the 80’s. He acknowledges it didn’t so why is he covering it? Also, Harry Potter came out in the 90’s with the first book out in 1997, the first movie wasn’t until 2001. Then again, this set is based on the movie so … I’ll let that part slide.
- You know, he could have waited until Knight Rider and The Goonies sets came out.
- He gave Harry Potter a high-pitched chipmunk voice. WHY?
- “The Harry Potter car” That’s Arthur Weasley’s flying car from Chamber of Secrets.
- Then a bit where Voldemort is run over by the Hogwarts Express
- “All the new Lego Dimensions sets” Nope. No Mission Impossible or Sonic the Hedgehog.
- Video ends with Zombie Steve donning Jason Vorhees’ hockey mask. No Chris, they’re not going to put Friday the 13th in Lego Dimensions, the idea is family friendly franchises. Friday the 13th is the opposite of family friendly.

That’s the rest of January. So far February will bring more TMNT, more Minecraft and more fucking FNAF.

Also it seems Chris has deleted all the Box Wars videos. I guess even he realized that was a terrible idea. So much useless crap.