Friday, October 2, 2015

I Guarantee There's Better Books and Sound Devices Out There

Hey everyone. Sorry for the lack of updates. I’ve just been busy, life getting in the way and everything, though I mostly had a complete lack of motivation to tackle his videos. I think I’m ready to get back into things.
Quite a few things to cover.

The week of September 21st saw two videos, both related to books.

First one is about TMNT. The “Ultimate Visual History”.
*opens video* “Hey gamers!” … You’re not talking about a video game! You’re talking about a book, based on a franchise of comic books, cartoons, and movies! Yes I know there are games, but they’re all based on the cartoons or movies. Why not open the video with “Hey Ninja Turtles fans” or something that makes sense!
Nitpicky rant out of the way.

The video is mostly Bores flipping through the book, pointing at a page and saying it’s cool. I just saved you eight minutes. There’s no substance, and he basically just spoils the book. Why even buy it now?

The second video is about the book he wrote. Ghost Hunting 2.0, I still can’t believe that’s the title. Hoo boy does he spout bullshit.
I mean, ghost hunting is already bullshit, and the only audience for this are the ignorant unwashed masses. … *looks at comments* GAAAAH! Why did I do that?

At the time of this posting, the book is out. I do not have a copy because my wallet will cut off my fingers if I pay for it. I imagine someone will buy it and leak it all over the internet.
The video is nearly ten minutes long, I’ll go over the highlights.

“You’ll be able to find it on Barnes and Nobles dot com”
He says if you buy from his site, he’ll autograph it. Let’s see, if the book costs $14, and in three years the value will be about 25 cents, then an autographed copy will be abooooooouuuuuutttt 27 cents!
“For me to title a book Ghost Hunting 2.0, you better know your crap” Good to know Bores calls his passion “crap”
“I tried to make this easy to read, easy to digest” From the excerpts people have shown me, you have failed.

He goes over the chapters.
The first calls out skeptics and critics (pffft)
The second goes over the “rise and fall” of paranormal TV. The real answer is that it was a fad. Fads come and go, and paranormal TV was just another one. Sure Ghost Hunters is still around, but it’s much more niche now than it was before. Though I imagine Chris’ explanation is way more pretentious.
The third chapter is about his first couple investigations. Like the one where Alan tripped and he claimed someone pushed him?
The fourth is about his tools. Pretty sure most of those have been debunked as useless. But who needs facts and science?
He mentions his appearance on Hardcore Pawn, which has not aired. Bores claims he keeps watching and he’ll let us know. Why subject yourself to that trash at all? You can easily just look up when the new episodes will air online. You don’t have to watch it again and again. It would explain a lot if he did…

Then the next chapter is about the tools only he uses (or so he believes). Alright, I looked up ghost hunting books on Amazon, and there is a lot. Like, I estimate hundreds. There is surprisingly a lot of competition for this crap. It’s very likely that Chris’ so called tools are used by other people, and he just doesn’t know it.
This is where he brings up his “psychology” and “philosophy”, somehow “world religions” are a tool and… quantum physics. Don’t bring actual science into your pseudo-science you hack.

Of course he brings up his “ancient texts” and dedicates an entire chapter to the Tibetan Book of the Dead. One of my readers, the Necro Critic, actually did some research into the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and found it’s a terrible tool to try and communicate with ghosts. It’s actually a very inaccurate translation of the Bardo Thodol, an ancient self-help guide about getting ready for your next reincarnation, various forms of meditation and mentions identifying states of death. It’s a religious text for a specific sect of Buddhism. Bardo Thodol was poorly translated into English with random Hindu terminology in the 1920’s, becoming the Tibetan Book of the Dead.
Basically, Bores is using a thoroughly debunked book to source his findings on the paranormal. HOW DOES ANYONE TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY?!
Thank you Necro Critic for finding all this out.

“No other ghost hunter uses the Tibetan Book of the Dead for their research” Probably for the reasons I listed above. Even so, don’t act so sure. Have you read through all those ghost hunting books on Amazon?

Bullshit bullshit bullshit.
The more I listen to this, the more my brain wants to die. “Ghost hunting is stuck and I know why!” No you don’t, it’s stuck because it’s all crap.
He goes on about his stupid psychology. Pretty sure you need to see an actual psychologist Bores. This ghost obsession can’t be good for your mental state.

“I believe if the right people read this, a new branch of psychology could be created” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Says the finale is talking about the message he “received” and “decoding it”. Using a bunch of different religions like Kabbalah, Judaism, Buddhism, and more fucking Tibetan thinking. How about the religion of LOGIC?! Oh wait, that’s just common sense.

“If you’re a deep thinker like I am” HAHAHAHAHAHAHA No, I’ve already wasted too much space laughing. Chris, the deepest thing you’ve ever thought is “Should I have Lucky Charms or Froot Loops, and will breakfast be ruined if I pick the wrong one?”

And that’s where I check out. Rest of the video I don’t even care. He mentions meeting Grant Wilson of Ghost Hunters but I do not give a fuck.

The book has to be crap, I mean this is Bores we’re talking about.

I’ve actually gotten some interesting info about it. First comes from Kevin Edward, who found the book on Amazon and looked at the inside preview. Right off the bat he found a mistake, he indents the first paragraph of every chapter, a major negative in published works. Open any novel and you’ll see the first paragraph is never indented. How did Bores make such a rookie mistake?
Kevin then left a comment on the video pointing this out and telling him there’s also spelling, grammar, punctuation and format errors that shouldn’t be in a published work. Chris called him a liar.

As you can see, Kevin was not happy. Pointing out that every book on Amazon previews the first several pages. Chris then responded to that by saying “I formatted the book to my liking”


Note the choice of words, “my liking”. Meaning Chris does not care for your criticism, it’s “my way or get the fuck off my property”. I seriously doubt he got it proofread, and if he did, he ignored every piece of advice.

The second bit of interesting info comes from our good friend Uatu the Watcher, who has done a damn good job of getting the blog info in the past. Seems he got his hands on the book, and provided some laughable excerpts.

Here’s his comment for all to see.

My favorite bits include comparing himself to Batman, how he sang the Alphabet in front of everyone, his obvious statement about forbidden knowledge, and the part about claiming there’s proof spirits already exist.

I also love how he mentions his “55th most subscribed” achievement again, but neglects to mention that it was for talking about video games, not ghosts. Also, wasn’t he 55th most subscribed in 2008? Not 2010? He’s distorting facts again!

If the book gets leaked, let me know. I’m not giving any money for this.

Sadly, that’s not the end of the recap. We have one more video.
We’ve got another WACKY TECH REVIEW! The dislikes show that people really don’t like this crap.
This time he’ll be looking at three products from Kinivo. Really cashing in those sponsorship deals huh Chris?

“The Ki-Nye-Vo products” Is that how it’s pronounced? It looks more like “Ki-Knee-Vo”
First he’s going to look at an HDMI switch box. Oh jeez, he’s using the wacky music, you know the one that he would play in update videos a long time ago?
He describes what it does… no mention of price or reliability or design or anything. At this point, we shouldn’t expect anything resembling a “review” in these WACKY VIDEOS.
It cuts to him watching Hell’s Kitchen, and it suddenly switches over to The Gilmore Girls. He reacts in “angry shock”. Instead of doing the sensible thing like changing the channel back or turning it off, he keeps watching until he blows his brains out with one of his light guns. Classy.

Next he looks over a pair of Bluetooth headphones. He goes on about how he’s been “dabbling” in Bluetooth and how great it is blah blah blah. Random cut to him listening to My Heart Will Go On (copyright bots are going to eat this video alive). Shows the volume, tells us not to turn it up too loud, random cut to him listening to loud music and… exploding from it. I haven’t said this one in a while, for someone that hates Michael Bay, you sure like explosions as much as he does.
Mentions the “next track” button, and that the sound is good. Is it better than a popular brand name like Beats by Dre? What about other headphones on the market? You really should leave the tech reviews to the professionals.

Finally he looks some speakers. Bluetooth speakers to be specific. He mentions they still need to be plugged in (no duh) which cuts to a bit where he tries to plug it in but his outlet is full, and he freaks out. … Where’s the joke Dob- I mean Bores?
Mentions how you can plug your phone in as well. So he does that, and he decides to play something from Final Fantasy VII. Oh now you’ve awakened a sleeping giant Chris. You don’t fuck with FFVII fans.
“Yes it’s Red’s theme” His name is Red XIII (or Nanaki)! Not just Red! I doubt you’ve actually played the game. Also, that doesn’t sound anything like his theme. Is that a remix? Why don’t you have the original on there?

Then it cuts to a glass of water on his table shaking and falling over. I guess it’s meant to show how powerful the bass is, but it’s so obvious he just shook his table offscreen to get it to fall over. Why? What’s the point? That didn’t mean anything. Stop with the random crap!

Blah blah blah you can find it cheap on Amazon. Don’t care. Done.

I have to imagine this is where Chris is getting money to do videos. The views are shit, and Chris knows this. He’s going to keep shilling until he has no more soul. Is this the fate you really want Chris? To be a mindless shill for tech products while you hock your awful random humor? If only you could take criticism, and not have burned all those bridges.

MAJOR UPDATE: Seems I was wrong about Amazon. It's not just the first few pages, the ENTIRE BOOK is available for free. I'm going to look through it, see how long I last before my brain tells me "ENOUGH"
EDIT: Wait, false alarm. It's not the whole book. Pages are omitted, plus I think I got more because I'm an Amazon Prime member. Sorry about that. Still, I imagine someone will leak the book soon.

Friday, September 18, 2015

More Pointless History...

The end of Summer is fast approaching. Kids are going back to school, the weather is getting cooler, TV shows come back, but one thing that remains constant is Chris Bores’ lack of talent.
There was no video Tuesday, but we’ve got one for Friday. Remember how he was so dedicated to three videos a week, but then went down to two, but now he can barely do one.
It’s a new History of Video Games, hoo boy. Four months after the last one. At a length of 5:18, it won’t make a dent.

*reads title* “Atari Console Video Games 1978-80” Okay good, he’s not going to do just 1978 like he said he would in the last video. Maybe he realized that covering a single year was a beyond idiotic idea.

0:03 - 1:14: It’s 1978, mentions how Atari spent $5 million on marketing (citation needed), shows some modern stock footage when he mentions the $5 million, shows a bit of the Atari commercial with Pete Rose. Nothing too horrid so far.

He starts with Basketball, shows a bit of it, and fails a half-court shot.
He moves onto Hangman. He manages to get two A’s leading to the puzzle looking like this “A_A_”. He tries “Adam” but fails, then he tries “Atam” (that’s not a word Bores!), then he tries “Ajax”, and then just keeps guessing random letters until he loses and learns it’s “Away”. For some reason this shocks him (it’s not a rare word Chris, I’m sure you hear it all the time from Toys R Us telling you they don’t have new Skylanders in stock) and he calls the game a “piece of crap”
He also points out that there’s something coming out of the Hangman’s crotch and “blah blah kids game”. Pretty sure that’s meant to be a building in the background. That’s my guess. Atari didn’t put dicks in their games (that was Mystique).
EDIT: Turns out that's supposed to be a tail, as the "Man" is really a monkey. That's kind of clever. Thanks to Harrod for pointing this out.

1:15 - 1:57: He brings up Breakout, plays a bit, loses.
Then he moves onto Night Driver, mentions that it has a “first-person view” (really early first-person), remarks that it’s like “driving his own car” and of course he sucks at the game. With terrible over-the-top screaming and montage of him crashing that goes a bit long.
He gives up, then the car from the game hits him. NOT! FUNNY!

1:58 - 2:45: Onto 1979, Atari released more sports games. Leading to a reaaaaallly dumb bit.
He mentions Football, and gets hit with a football. He mentions Baseball and gets hit with a baseball. He mentions bowling, and a bowling ball tries to hit him, but he dodges it, taunts the game, and gets hit with a bowling pin. Ugggggh.
Really? You really thought it was a good idea to recreate “Real Real Gaming”? One of the lowest rated videos on your channel because it was a dumb predictable joke (and made you look like an idiot when you responded to “Welcome to the show” with “Welcome”)
Also, two of those games came out in 1978. Only Bowling actually came out in 1979.

More stupid bits. He looks at Human Cannonball, where he inserts himself into the game and gets fired out of a cannon. So are you going to explain how any of these games work or play?
Then he looks at Sky Diver and inserts himself into the game. Then he looks at Canyon Bomber and does the exact same fucking thing. WHAT IS THE JOKE CHRIS?!

2:46 - 3:15:  Onto Superman! Which he claims is the first video game based on an established franchise. Well, Death Race the arcade game is based on the movie Death Race 2000, and while that didn’t become a franchise until later, I still think it counts.
You fly around, you pick up enemies, and you can… “check out the sexy Lois Lane” *looks at her sprite* Her?
This leads to one of the dumbest bits I think I’ve ever seen him do. He dresses up in what’s possibly the laziest Superman costume possible. He didn’t even get a Superman t-shirt or tape the logo on. It’s just a blank blue shirt. And I’m pretty sure his cape is a blanket. You use blanket capes when you’re eight! Not thirty-something!
Then he uses his “X-Ray Vision” and I swear the effect he uses came straight out of MS Paint. He uses it on the Lois sprite and her green dress “disappears” as Bores essentially colored the entire sprite the same brown color as her skin. Then Bores curses the pixel limitations.
…. I’m done. I am so fucking done. I am more done than done! I am a well done steak! *walks away*

*returns with a medium-rare steak* Just two more minutes.
Also, what is it with Bores and doing the laziest Superman possible? This reminded me of the very first Chris & Scottie video (the really old one that looked even worse than usual) where Scottie was Clark Kent and he turned into Superman by taking off his fake glasses and putting on his beanie. He didn’t even have a Superman shirt or anything. How is this so difficult Bores? You can find Superman shirts everywhere.

3:16 - 4:48: He mentions that Atari ported more games from their Arcade “li-bury” like Circus, Steeple Chase (thankfully he doesn’t do a stupid minute-long bit where he pretends to be a bunch of horses) and Outlaw, leading to a bit where he tries to shoot the other guy, hits the cactus instead, and loses. How can you fail so hard? Also, more of that annoying fake “Game Over” text. Stop that Chris, we can tell that’s not from the game!

He then brings up how Atari licensed other games to bring to the system, noting Space Invaders as one of the big titles.
EDIT: Something is wrong with the Space Invaders footage. It's too colorful, the Atari 2600 version only had one color pallette at a time. Here in the AVGN's Atari 5200 video, you can see him playing Space Invaders on the 2600. Look at how there's only one color.
Here it looks like Bores is playing the Arcade version, which does have a color version contrary to what he says in the comments about Space Invaders only being in black & white.
Why would Bores lie again? Why does he keep lying? If this is meant to be educational, why does he keep getting things wrong?
Thanks to Hunter the Hunter for the image.

Then he mentions how Nolan Bushnell wanted to make a new console, but the higher-ups didn’t, he got fired, and went on to create Chuck E. Cheese. I love how he never mentions specific dates for any of this. The video mentions 1980, but Bushnell’s termination happened in 1978. Wouldn’t it make more sense to mention this first then move onto 1979 and 1980 games? Am I just crazy?

The video ends announcing the next part will be about the Intellivision.

Despite its short length, this is probably one of the worst parts, mostly for how utterly terrible the sketch bits were. This might be some of his laziest comedy yet, it’s like he has no idea how to be funny. He’s like an alien trying to understand the HU-MAN culture.
Plus the history is all over the place. As I said in the last point, he brings up Bushnell’s firing last like it took place in 1980, when it didn’t. He doesn’t seem to understand how to structure this, he should be going in a linear order. Start with 1978, then 79, then 80.
Maybe Chris originally planned for the video to be ONLY 1978 but didn’t have enough material and only filled out the middle without adjusting the ending. Who knows…

I’m not quite done. Couple of things I wanted to mention.

If you go to the Pursuit of the Paranormal site, you’ll see the title of Chris’ book. It’s called, and I wish I was kidding, “Ghost Hunting 2.0”. Seriously?
There’s an article that describes the book too.

“Chris Bores is a leading paranormal communicator.” Source: Chris Bores. Show me someone that said this that isn’t a family member or close friend.
He goes on about his psychology and “ancient texts” and all that bullshit that wouldn’t help anyone find ghosts.
He also has a list of questions he claims the book answers. My favorite asks “What do aliens have to do with the paranormal?” No Chris, no. Aliens actually have a possibility of existing (our universe is vast, they could be out there). Ghosts aren’t real.

The cover is pretty bad too. I can barely tell what it is. It looks like amateur photoshop, which given the average age of Chris’ audience, it probably is.

The other thing I wanted to mention involves the Outnerd the Nerd contest, yes the one Chris claims he entered and got “snubbed”
Thanks to Ben and his searching skills in the Wayback Machine, we now know the rules for the contest and can poke a few more holes in Chris’ story.

The contest ran from August 20th to September 16th 2007. Chris only uploaded one video during that time, his TMNT “review”. That could possibly explain why it’s similar to the AVGN’s video… but it also shows that he was lying when he said all the videos he made in Summer 2007 were made for this contest. The MUSCLE “review” was released August 17th, so there was no way it was made for the contest, or any of his other ones.
It’s likely that Chris broke one of the contest rules. “ Movie submission must be an original, not previously published segment and cannot use any or all of anyone’s User Movie that has previously been posted on GameTrailers or any other website.” Since those videos were posted on YouTube beforehand, he was likely disqualified.
There’s also this rule “All entries must be uploaded via the GT User Movie Submission tool”. It’s likely Chris didn’t upload anything to GameTrailers, another reason he likely lost.

Something tells me his entire story about the Outnerd the Nerd contest was fabricated. Just one of the many lies he told in that video.
Once again, thank you Ben for finding the rules.

EDIT: My informant found some "interesting" comments I feel need to be addressed.
One user asks how long it takes to make an episode. Bores responds "too long". Bullshit, this video feels like it was rushed in a few days. If it takes a long time, surely you could have gone into more detail, surely you could gotten a Superman shirt.

One user bitches about how the fans love the History videos, but hate the Skylanders videos. Oh booo hooooooooo! He responds claiming that he has "a lot of crowds to please". What crowds? You barely get any views! Playing along, the most you have is two "crowds". Video games, and Skylanders. What are you talking about?
You said yourself in the announcement of the book video that your channel "isn't as big as it used to be". Then he contradicts himself as "Linda" by saying he's still immensely popular and the haters are just "jealous". I'm starting to think Chris might have dissociative identity disorder, it would explain the completely different attitude when he pretends to be his mom.

One user asked how many times he's going to use the "I regret nothing" line. He responds "As many times as it takes" So Bores knows he repeats the same tired jokes but he doesn't care. Good to know he's accepted being an unfunny hack.

This one pissed me off. One user claimed he learned so much (I don't believe it) and Bores responds "excellent, probably shows that I love teaching" ... NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! You are not a teacher! You are not educational! You misconstrue facts, you get things wrong, you outright lie! The only people that believe you're actually educational are unwashed ignorant fools that don't know any better!

And what's worse, he contradicts himself again! One user pointed out that the man in Hangman is really a monkey. He responded "yep, but I had to do something with it". So he willingly admitted he lied! That is not how you teach! If you want to teach through comedy, you have to use the truth! Oh my god! How does he keep getting away with this? Why is nobody calling him out? Why do I feel like I'm the only one calling him out? Where is everyone? What the hell is going on?!

*sighs* Sorry, I'm just stunned at the idiocy displayed.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Oh No It's a Flood of Skylanders Garbage! Run!

9 more days until Skylanders SuperChargers comes out, and the flood will subside for another year. Unless this is the final Skylanders game (wishful thinking)

On the week of August 24th, Bores posted nothing again.
On the week of August 31st, the deluge began.
Starting on September 3rd and continuing into next week, Bores posted a shitload of Skylanders videos. The current total (as of this posting) is 12. Why so many? Apparently he was invited to another event showing off the game. Seriously, I don't understand what Activision sees in him. Surely there's better people out there. ... Are there just not enough people actually providing coverage?
He claims his Skylanders videos get a lot of views, but that's only true for a small number of them. Most of them (at least lately) have the same shit views he always gets.
From the brief glimpses I took, most of these are gameplay related. Some of them actually have the developers on hand to showcase the game. It's actually not exciting.

Dislikes are heavy, and the fans are crying.
"Waaah why does YouTube have dislikes? Stop disliking Irate Gamer! It's 2015, you shouldn't be disliking Irate Gamer!" These are just a sample of the type of comments I saw. Apparently nobody told these kids how criticism works, and when videos get a heavy amount of dislikes, chances are the majority didn't like it. That's the case with the Skylanders flood, most viewers actually hate it, and they show this by disliking and leaving a critical comment (before getting blocked).

Sorry for the content light post, but it's been three weeks and Bores hasn't done anything worth discussing.

Saturday, August 22, 2015

What's Worse Than a Boring IG Video? An IG Book!

I just spent the last couple days at Wizard World Chicago, and all over the place was Jason David Frank’s face. You walk in to get your wristband, a cardboard cutout of him in costume (helmet-less) greets you. There’s ads for him all over, and for an “exclusive Green Ranger figure”. He has an entire booth just for him, where as other “celebs” are all herded into one area.
My point is, filming JDF at Wizard World Ohio isn’t a big deal despite what Bores claims. He didn’t “pull any strings” or anything, he just gave him money, pointed his camera at him, and got a video. I still feel it’s not his footage since JDF doesn’t even say “Irate Gamer” or anything related to Bores. The watermark means nothing as anyone can add a watermark and claim it as their own. Remember eBaumsworld and all their controversy?

Anyway, what did this week bring? Quite a bit actually.

Tuesday is another “tech review”. Which is really just more paid shilling of some cheap product nobody will use.
They’re phone chargers. It’s just him describing features. There’s a bit at the end where he tries to make charging his phone “epic”. It’s lame.
What’s screwed up is that someone in the comments asks some legit questions like “how long it takes” and Bores gives real answers. Why didn’t he include THAT in the video? It just shows how screwed up his priorities are.

He claims in the description it’s a “laid back” review. Apparently “laid back” means “less random shit” or something. It’s clear that he’s doing these “tech reviews” as he’s starved for content. Though a later video this week implies he needs the money and it’s likely he’s doing these videos to get paid.

On Wednesday, he posted a text review to his site.
Bores finally reviews Arkham Knight! … The novel.
Yes, instead of taking time to play Arkham Knight, he’s just going to talk about the book. That’s kind of dumb. It would be like not seeing a movie, and then reading the novelization and judging the movie based on that.

“Ahh yes, the Batman: Arkham Knight graphic novel.” It’s not a graphic novel, just a regular novel. A graphic novel would mean illustrations and panels, like a comic book. Just being Batman doesn’t automatically make it a graphic novel.
“If you haven’t played the video game, then this book is for you!” But that would be pointless, wouldn’t it make more sense to play the game then read the book, to see if it goes into any details the game didn’t? Like how The Dark Knight Rises novel mentioned the Joker when the movie didn’t.
“If you have played this game, (or haven’t read a book since highschool) then this novel is not for you since it rehashes the same thing you just played in the video game version.” First off, that’s not funny. Second, how do you even know it rehashes the game when you say in the next sentence right after that
“I haven’t played the newest installment yet”
So how do you know that?! Sounds to me like you’re talking out of your ass again.

“I’m over halfway through this book already” And this review is null and void. You didn’t even finish the book?! What possible excuse could you have? You can probably read the book in less time than it takes to finish the main campaign of the game (and let’s not even get into needing 100% for the true ending).
“The new 52 version of Batman is going through a rough period right now with terrible storylines” I thought Scott Snyder’s Batman was one of the only good aspects of the current continuity? Did the editors fuck up again?

“Also without Joker, all the mob bosses of Gotham are all vying for control of the city. They keep referring this as filling the void that Joker left behind but I didn’t realize the Joker was so pivotal in the stability of the mob bosses controlling Gotham. Yeah that didn’t make sense” The Joker was one of the most dangerous men in Gotham. He had money, power, territory, a ton of influence. With his death, the Gotham underworld is vying for that same power, hence the whole war breaking out and Joker goons working with other crime bosses. Something you would notice if you played the game.

“The first 100 pages of this book are pretty slow and at times a bit dull. It really is like reading about a video game.” Here’s an idea! How about you go to YouTube, and watch someone else play it. That way you can get a better understanding of what’s going on. Clearly you’re not going to play the game since you don’t even have a PS4. Sugar Daddy GotGame won’t give you one.

Rest of the review is all “So many twists, such good story, Arkham Knight is obvious” Blah blah blah. Don’t do this again.

He actually posted a video on Thursday.
More amiibo… and more shilling of VidFall. Seriously? What, did that first video somehow get them traffic? I don’t believe that.

“GameStop put the date of September 11th, yeah I know…” Shut up. It just so happens that September 11th takes place on a Friday this year, and lately Nintendo prefers to release games and figures on Friday. It’s also the same day as Super Mario Maker, it all connects.
Oh and Vidfall sent him the Japanese Olimar amiibo. Come on Chris, you couldn’t wait three weeks? Again, I feel importing amiibo is cheating. Part of the hunt.

Rest of the video is just listing the other amiibo coming out. I already know this, closing the video.

We now come to Friday’s video and hoo boy is it a big one.
Chris announced he’s writing a book. … Oh this is going to be magical.
Remember when I used to write about his site, before I got bored since nearly every post was the fucking same. Remember all the grammar and spelling errors that would plague most of them? All the typos? 2104 instead of 2014, and this happened all the time.
Can you imagine a book, a published work, written by him?
Who knows, maybe he’ll actually get an editor that will proofread this crap.

So, what’s the book about? Ghosts. Because of course it is.
He claims he put so many hours in to make it “easy to read, easy to understand”. I don’t think anyone will ever understand your mind Chris.
“People who don’t like me, please be kind” Hmmmmm…. Nah. Ghosts aren’t real so I’m going to keep calling out this phony crap.

The title mentions “Fan Help Needed”. For what exactly?
“I’m not that good at photoshop” You don’t say *looks at all the shitty effects from years of videos* At least he finally admits it.
He wants someone to make him a cover for the book. A “shadow person” in a doorway. It will look good in bargain bins.

“I don’t have a lot to give as payment” “Bills are kind of tight right now” Say Chris, you see all those NES games behind you? Maybe sell some of them. Or how about your Magnavox Odyssey? You clearly don’t need it anymore, get rid of it, there is a market out there for it. Or how about all those old toys you have lying around? All those Masters of the Universe figures, the entire Kinnikuman/MUSCLE collection, surely you don’t need those anymore.

“I kind of feel the entire field of paranormal research has hit a wall” Because it’s all bullshit! People are starting to realize this.
He claims everyone is doing the “same things” and TV is “repetitive”. Remember when the TV execs told you “nobody cares about ghost hunting”? Why didn’t you listen?! Shows about Bigfoot seem to be the new trend right now. Proving that there’s always an audience for shows about people trying to find something that clearly doesn’t exist.
Say, what happened to your episode of Hardcore Pawn?

He goes on about his psychology and ancient texts again. Funny thing, I actually Googled “ghost psychology” and one of the first results was a leading psychologist saying “they’re all in your head”. Bores is trying to use that same science to prove they’re real. This feels like a massive joke. Do people actually take Bores seriously as a paranormal expert?

“Talk about things that have never been addressed before” Chances are they have, and you just haven’t looked hard enough. I would look, but I really don’t care.
“This book is very groundbreaking” Groundbreaking huh? Where have I heard him say that word before?

More stroking his ego, believing that what he found is “amazing” or something, claiming he hasn’t heard anyone say what he found. Again, someone probably already has. But at the end of the day, it’s all bullshit.

He wants the book to be out by Halloween. No, I’m not going to try and read it.
He got booked at some event which apparently has all the “top paranormal people”. Looking at the site he provided in the description, it’s going to have people from Ghost Hunters, and some other people. This is so dumb.
The event is called “Old Mill ParaFest” if you want to look further.

Blah blah blah… he says the book is basically done and he just handed it to a couple of people to proofread. Okay, so it won’t read like his site. … Right?
He brings up that he’s been having trouble getting videos out. Then maybe take a hiatus? Make a video where you say “I’m working on something important, don’t expect too many videos”. At least then I wouldn’t give you shit for not making videos! But no, you’re incapable of proper communication.

“The channel isn’t as big as it used to be” And whose fault is that Chris? You’re the one that blocked years of criticism. You’re the one that burned all those bridges with other reviewers. You’re the one that poses as your own mother and yells at everyone, scaring quite a few people. You’re the one that posted shitloads of Skylanders videos when that’s only a small portion of your audience. You’re the one that decided bashing classic games was a better idea than looking at legit bad games. You’re the one that doesn’t fucking communicate with your fan base!
I often see people say “Irate Gamer is still around?”. Which is probably why it feels like I’m the only person calling out your immense bullshit, because to most people you’ve completely fallen off the face of the earth. Though your Splatoon review seems to be going around, mostly for how cringy and terrible it is.
But the views reflect that, most of your videos struggle to get views now, and you aren’t doing anything to make that better. That’s why you’re struggling. I know you won’t listen to me, preferring to pretend to be your mom and crying about how I’m a Nazi and a liar, but consider that you need to do way more if you want to make money on YouTube.

Anyone brave enough to buy his book and attempt to read through the muck? I imagine it won’t change a damn thing.

Friday, August 14, 2015

A Carry Bag... How Low Can This Go?

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, but as per usual, my writing relies on Bores, and he has posted jack and shit.

After that painful Donkey Kong video:
The week of July 27th gave us… nothing. Period. No videos, no posts on his site, no Facebook or Twitter posts. Complete radio silence. He always had a bad habit of doing this, but I would hope that keeping a schedule would mean providing excuses for missing deadlines. Apparently that’s too optimistic.

The week of August 3rd did see two videos.
First one was more fucking Skylanders. I didn’t bother.
Though he did say something in the comments that bugged me (thanks to my informant for finding it). Someone said they hope this is the last Skylanders game as they feel the franchise is being milked (I agree). Bores responded (and I‘m paraphrasing) “Activision doesn’t stay too long at the party. They milked Guitar Hero for a while, bowed out at the right time, and are bringing it back to test the waters” *siiighs* You ignorant fucker.

Activision didn’t stop Guitar Hero because it was the “right time”, they did it because the market was flooded with this crap and nobody was buying it. The last game, Warriors of Rock, BOMBED, selling 86k units in its first week. There is no way to spin that into a positive (Guitar Hero III sold 1.5 million in its first week). Do you know who was responsible for that market flood? Activision! They notoriously released 5 Guitar Hero games in 2010 (6 if you count Band Hero), combined with Rock Band and other companies attempts at getting that market, the rhythm game genre completely collapsed.
As for “testing the waters”, they’re doing it as cheaply as possible. Guitar Hero Live will only have guitar (if you want drums, go to Rock Band 4) and is using live-action FMV instead of animating their own character models. What is this, 1994?
Maybe if you took your head out of Bobby Kotick’s ass for one second, you’d realize Activision are full of crap!

Moving on. Second video was an interview he did with a local radio show about his stupid ghost stuff. It’s funny really. If someone wants to do an interview about Irate Gamer, you clam up and hide. If someone wants to talk about your stupid ghost stuff, you won’t shut up. Nobody cares Bores, ghosts aren’t real! It’s even reflected in the views and ratings. Low views even by his standards, and so many dislikes. Maybe you should make a second channel for this crap, since nobody wants to see it. Oh wait, he tried that with Skylanders and failed. Nothing stops this train!

Onto now, the week of August 10th. No video on Tuesday… smooth.
But he did post something on Thursday.

*reads title* “KP Sling Review Goes Wrong - Comic Con Carry Bag” … Really? Have we seriously gotten this low? You’re talking about a bag now? You dedicated an entire video to a bag. I am just stunned. What’s next, a video where you “review” a lamp?
Also, “Review Goes Wrong”. Oh no, this is going to be like the video intercom “review”, where the “going wrong” was just stupid bits involving his toys.
Reading the description, it turns out this is on Kickstarter and he provided a link to it. Once again, major double standards from Bores. “Kickstarter should only be used for educational purposes” What is educational about this bag?! Just admit you were wrong and you only bashed Kickstarter because James Rolfe was in a vulnerable place.

Let’s start the video.

Video opens. He apologizes for the delay, saying his “fatherly duties” (girlfriend’s kids) and the upcoming school year kept him from new videos. Wow, an actual excuse for once. Nothing bad to say there.
“All the comic con events” You do realize there’s more than “comic book conventions” out there right? Hell, I’m pretty sure anime conventions outnumber comic book conventions now. There’s toys, video games, and even dedicated franchises like Star Trek, Doctor Who, and Power Rangers. All get their own cons. I’m just saying.
He opens one pouch and takes out one of his cameras. “Film all sorts of crazy shenanigans” What you do barely qualifies as “shenanigans”, they wouldn’t even register on the chart.
Oh and he brings up that he filmed Jason David Frank, showing that clip again. Yes, we know, you paid JDF to let him film you. You’re not fucking special, anyone can do that, the man’s a god damn attention whore and has a notably bad reputation with the fan community. Of course you don’t know that because like so many others, your PR knowledge is stuck in 1994.

Then he takes out a Mechakoopa plushie. Why?
“To throw at people” …. You’re not funny.
Then he takes out a copy of his Pursuit of the Paranormal DVD, then suddenly a red filter with the words “Cheap Plug” flashing. … My god you have no shame. Gross.
Then a copy of a Monster High book. Don’t take your girlfriend’s kids stuff for your videos. It feels crass.
Then a copy of Everybody Poops. I refer to above.

So yeah, this is the entire video. He takes random shit out of the bag. All that was supposed to be in one pouch, even though it’s blatantly obvious that he edited it all together.

In another pouch, he takes out three amiibo, one of his Minion Megabloks (boy he’s really getting his money’s worth from these) and some of the girlfriend’s kids’ toys (MLP, Strawberry Shortcake, Tinkerbell). Just stop…
Then he takes out a copy of his first DVD, and more “Cheap Plug”. Even if you trying to do this ironically, it’s not funny. It’s more desperate.

Then he takes out a magnifying glass to “look at this pouch a little closer”. … I get the feeling he made this video for his girlfriend’s kids. That magnifying glass bit felt like something out of a PBS Kids show. Plus it would explain why he has all their toys and books.
The “closer look” is just him saying “here’s the inside” and moving on.

Then the third pouch, which has toilet paper, a toothbrush, deodorant, his 3DS (put that in your pocket) and Q-tips. He wants to put his “bust of Atlas” in the bag (“LOOK AT MY COOL STATUE”), brings up a “secret” compartment and finds tampons, complete with OTT mugging. Then he takes out a sword, by which he picks it up off the floor and films it to make the bag look infinite, and goes off to kill the person that did this.
EDIT: I just realized, his "bust of Atlas" isn't even a bust at all. It's a full-on statue. A bust would just be his head and chest, but he has limbs. That's a statue. I really shouldn't be surprised Bores doesn't know the difference.

Once again, this was not a review. Much like the video intercom, he barely touches on the bag itself. He doesn’t actually do anything with it. He doesn’t wear it (the Kickstarter shows you can), he doesn’t mention if it can be adjusted for bigger or smaller framed people, nor if it’s easy to carry, or how much weight it can hold.
But no, it's a video made to tell one joke. For three minutes. Holy crap how bankrupt is that?
And people in the comments are eating this shit up! How can you not see this?! What is the appeal?! Where is the joke?! Just… why?!

I don’t think he’s going to post anything today so I’m putting this up. Who knows when I’ll post something again.

Oh and just a reminder. Blip is going down next Thursday (August 20th). This is the last chance to see certain IG videos before they go away. Like Sonic Generations, the original Tekken 6 review, and various original reviews before editing them for YouTube or adding stupid bits. Unless people download them and upload them to various videos sites.

Friday, July 24, 2015

This Does Not Expand Dong, It's Not Even Creepy

So it seems my gut was wrong last week, we didn’t get a big video on Friday. In fact, we didn’t get a video at all.
But we did get one on Thursday. I hope you like shilling!

Bores shows off that he got a Dark Pit amiibo. … From Japan. I have to be honest, I feel importing amiibo from Europe or Japan is cheating. I know they have way more stock, but I prefer not to pay the premium. I waited for Marth and I eventually got him. The exception to this is Famicom ROB That will require importing (unless Nintendo pulls a “Special Edition” R.O.B. for both regions, Japan getting NES ROB, the West getting Famicom ROB).
However, the video’s main reason for existing is to promote a site called VidFall. A “too good to be true” deal site where you pick an item, watch a bunch of commercials to lower the cost, and buy the item at your desired price. Apparently it’s legit as I’ve found a lot of positive feedback about it. I don’t know, still seems shady to me.
Remember the “joke” in his Tekken 6 review where he said he would gladly give it a positive review if he was paid off? Back then I still called him a hypocrite for joking about “selling out“ when he‘s done it before, and now he’s waaay worse about it. Last week was TWO paid promotion videos. Have you so little dignity that you’re resorting to this now? This would explain where he’s getting the money to keep this up, especially when the views are terrible.

New week, new videos.

Tuesday is yet another toy review. At least this time it’s actual Lego. Specifically, Lego Minecraft. If I may digress a bit, I think Lego Minecraft is the most redundant thing. One is a toy about building things with blocks, one is a game about building things with blocks. Combining them just seems pointless. I know there’s more to do in Minecraft, but the immense creativity it provides is one of the major selling points. All those YouTube videos of things people built in Minecraft. All Lego would do is add the Minecraft characters and monsters to the growing list of properties Lego uses like Marvel, DC, Lord of the Rings, Simpsons, and recently Doctor Who.

Anyway, the video.
*reads title* “Lego Minecraft Crazy Review” Ooooh no, oh no no no no. This better not be what I think it is.
*reads description* “Coming at you is another crazy review, this time is the Lego minecraft set called the Mine.” More redundancy. Actually going by more of the title, the set itself is called “The Mine”. He just didn’t use proper punctuation to distinguish that fact.

*watches* Not as many random jump cuts or inane jokes. They’re there, but not in excess. The video is only 2:06 long.
He builds it, he shows off features… I’m sure there’s way better channels out there for Lego fans.
More randomness, Bores questions why there’s bread. Have you actually played the game? It’s also about survival, you need to eat!
“You can even reenact scenes from Titanic!” How? This isn’t a ship. Random references aren’t jokes.

“All the fun of the video game” Nope. Especially when the game is $27 on PC, and this set costs $110 on the official Lego site. Game sounds like a waaaay better deal.
Anyway, a Creeper appears and blows it up… the king of predictable. For those wondering, the Creeper doesn’t say “That’s a nice playset you have there, shame if something were to happen to it”, but that would require Chris to have actually played the game and be familiar enough with the community to know about its memes.
Also, at the end he “falls over” after getting blown up, but it’s… animated. With image rotation. You can clearly see he doesn’t have a lower half when he falls, and it looks stilted. You couldn’t film yourself fainting in a convincing way Chris? You had to “animate” yourself fainting? That just seems like wasted and needless effort.

The sad thing about this? It’s going to get views. The Minecraft fanbase is crazy, his last video about the Minecraft action figures currently has over 460k views. They don’t seem to care who is delivering the content just as long as it’s Minecraft. I really don’t get it. Especially since once again this wasn’t a review. Just Bores describing what’s in the toy, and then a bunch of wacky jokes.

Friday! It’s a regular IG review. What classic game is he going to desecrate with his stupidity this time?
Donkey Kong. … Yep. Though going by title, he’s going to talk about all the classic Donkey Kong games.
“Donkey Kong 1, 2, 3 Nes & Arcade Review (Jr, Math) S5E7 | The Irate Gamer” Don’t you mean Donkey Kong Jr. not 2? Oh wait, he put “Jr.” in parenthesis at the end there because… I don’t know. The title is a mess.

For those wondering, yes, this was made in “honor” of the Happy Madison atrocity Pixels.
“To put us in the spirit of Pixels the Movie, This review covers Donkey Kong 1-3 plus a few others! Don't miss this triple hitter!” You mean the movie with 20% on RottenTomatoes because anyone with two working brain cells could put together that Adam Sandler is cinematic poison? Not box office poison though…
Also, how is it a “triple hitter” when you claim you’re also looking at Donkey Kong Jr. Math? Clearly you need that game considering four does not equal triple.

Video is only about six minutes so hopefully the suffering isn’t so bad.

0:17 - 1:45: We open on the Arcade banner for Donkey Kong, Bores explains a bit about it, claims Donkey Kong is “one of the most popular characters of all time” (I would have gone with “one of the most popular Arcade games of all time” but apparently I’m just a stoopid head) how Mario was originally called Jumpman, the game was ported to the NES, he brings up the “Donkey Kong Classics” compilation (though he says it as Donkey Kong’s Classic for some reason).
He starts playing the NES version, says you need to “hightail it the hell out of here” because the first barrel will hit the “fire can”. It’s Oil, can’t you read? It clearly says Oil on the canister! Are you seriously that illiterate?
It gets harder, he gets killed by a barrel, yells at Jumpman for not “jumping”, I’m surprised at the lack of jokes. Is he showing restraint?
Oh, never mind, we got one right after that. He gets the hammer, says he doesn’t like getting it because he has to wait around until it runs out, then a gag where the hammer goes for a long time (I just noticed that this is another joke he heavily relies on, making things go longer than they really do, like waiting for the Rolling Cutter to return in Mega Man [even though there is no wait time]).
Then he demands to speed it up as Pauline is… having wine with DK. Uggggh.
“That smooth talking monkey!” DK is an ape. He doesn’t have a tail.

1:45 - 2:16: He moves onto the next level. He says it’s “one of the easiest” Wait what?! “… because of this part here” as he circles the part with the springs falling down. Wait, did you mean to say “hardest”? How could you screw that up? Holy shit! This feels like the sequel to “the perfect predecessor to the first Mario game”. Are you sure English is your first language? No, even people in ESL can  tell the difference between “easy” and “hard”.

He mentions how to get past it (just avoid them really) almost gets to the top, but gets killed by a spring. Calls the game an asshole and moves on to the last level.
He beats final level and gets some “alone time” with Pauline. We then get what’s possibly the worst Mario voice ever recorded. Bores that sounds nothing like him! Who are you even trying to imitate? It’s not Lou Albano or Walter Boone, and it’s certainly not Charles Martinet.

2:17 - 2:48: Game restarts. Does he complain about this?
Actually no, he complains about the lack of the Pie Factory level (or “conveyer belt level” as he calls it). There’s a good reason for this, let’s see if he brings it up.
Then we get a retread of his TMNT II review! He cries about the lack of intro screen (with DK carrying Pauline to the top of the building) and the lack of the “How High Can You Get?” screens and outro scenes (DK taking Pauline after reach the top). Complete with the word “Gone” stamped over each one. Oh my god the ignorance is painful. It’s been eight years, how do you still not get it?! The NES does not have the same power as an Arcade cabinet! I know there was a two year difference between the Arcade DK and the Famicom, but DK wasn’t made with consoles in mind! All that stuff was removed because the Famicom had memory limits! Yes, that included the Pie Factory. There is an updated port called “Donkey Kong Original Edition” that was released on the Wii and 3DS Virtual Consoles, it reinstates the missing features, but those are also modern systems where that can easily be done. This was the 80’s, with limited space. They couldn’t do that! Holy crap you’re dumb.

Then he claims that Donkey Kong Classics should be called “Donkey Kong’s Incomplete Pile of Shit”, with edited text. No Chris, it’s your fault you won’t do research. You don’t get to say “the internet is full of inaccurate information” again.

2:48 - 3:38: He moves onto Donkey Kong Jr. Let’s see how he fucks this up.
He plays through a bit, then gets killed by a Snapjaw. Then a bizarre bit where he imagines a realistic blue Alligator.
On the next stage, brings up the birds (Nitpickers, no seriously that‘s what they‘re called), and claims they drop “bird shit”. Those are eggs you fuckhead! How are you somehow dumber in this review than usual? Did you see an early screening of Pixels and it destroyed several IQ points?
Then a shot from behind him looking at the TV as he turns to the camera, his narration saying “This game is getting pretty bowl” … What the fuck does that mean? Is he saying something else? It sounds like he’s saying “bowl”. Am I losing my hearing?
EDIT: I'm told he's saying "bold", as in the use of "poop" is a "bold move". I could barely hear the D at the end. Thanks to Livid One for clearing this up.
Goes through the third level (believes it’s in a computer, it’s not it’s in the city), then the last level and he beats it, then a comment on how Jr. can lift his dad but can’t survive an alligator bite. … There’s a huge difference between lifting something heavy and getting bitten by a prehistoric lizard that can generate up to 3,700 pounds per square inch of bite pressure. Also, it’s an Arcade game made to drain quarters of your pocket, one-hit kills were the norm.

3:39 - 5:01: Onto Donkey Kong 3, the one even Nintendo has trouble caring about.
But then we a “DUN” as IG wonders what happened to Donkey Kong 2. Oh great, he’s going to recycle his Goonies II bit again (the one he already stole from the AVGN).
Actually no, he brings up the Game & Watch Donkey Kong II, which came out AFTER Donkey Kong Jr. (which itself had a Game & Watch version) but he doesn’t say that. I’m saying it because I’m actually looking this stuff up.
He briefly goes over the DKII G&W, believes they titled it that so “people won’t get confused” over DK3. Except everyone considered Donkey Kong Jr. to be Donkey Kong 2, nobody was questioning where Donkey Kong 3 came from because nobody is stupid. You’re not doing the “Chronologically Confused” thing correctly! It actually has to be confusing, this isn’t that bad. This isn’t like Final Fantasy II was really IV and III was really VI.

Anyway, he finally talks about DK3, says it sucks because it doesn’t have “barrels, springs or Marios” (not the reasons I  would have gone with…) then says the game is too easy (I’m too tired to go on anymore tirades).

5:01 - 5:50: He then goes onto Donkey Kong Jr. Math. Or “Donkey Kong Math” as he calls it. I’m almost convinced he’s illiterate. There’s a big Jr. right there on the cartridge and the title screen!
He goes over the first game, having to add up the number DK is holding. Then a bit where IG “adds, subtracts and multiples” various versions of himself. “IS MY GREEN SCREEN COOL YOU GUYS?! PLEASE TELL ME IT’S COOL!”
Then he briefly plays the second game where you climb to answer simple questions. With him continuing to claim the Nitpicker’s eggs are really bird poop. YOU’RE NOT FUNNY!

The video ends with him taking the game out of his NOT EVEN TURNED ON NES! Just try!
He prepares to destroy the game (at least this one kind of deserves it, it’s not really a good game) but then an Angel DK appears next to his head and grunts, I'm guessing telling him not to do it, but then a Devil DK shows up, throws a barrel at him and knocks him out. See, that’s a faint, why couldn’t you do that for the Minecraft video?
It’s over.
I watched his endslate, and he says he “cracks up every time he sees the ending” …. No wonder you think Pixels looks good if THAT’S your idea of a joke.

It somehow feels like Bores was dumber this time around. Things that should have been obvious just didn’t get through his thick skull. Once again, barely reviewing the subject matter, with immensely painful jokes. I didn’t even see the point of bringing up the Game & Watch DKII, everyone already considers Jr. to be Donkey Kong 2. I’m just flabbergasted at how moronic this video was. Arcade ports will not always be exact!

I hope you all have a good weekend.

Actually, before I go. It’s been announced that Blip will be shutting down on August 20th, likely taking down all the videos it’s hosted. That includes the Irate Gamer’s channel. Yes, he has a Blip channel, though he hasn’t updated it since January 2014.
On there are a number of videos that he didn’t upload to YouTube, most notably the original Tekken 6 review and the Sonic Generations review. So if you want to see these reviews (and others) again, now is the time to do it. Unless someone downloads them all and puts them up all over the internet. It could happen.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Toys, Pixar, and Cameras for the Paranoid. Consistent!

I skipped last week as I felt there wasn’t enough content.

July 7th was a toy review. That’s already a strike against it.
Bores is looking at the Minions Mega Bloks. Once again, the little yellow guys from Despicable Me. Didn’t even start the video and already I don’t care.
By the way, Mega Bloks. Really? The cheap-ass Lego? Someone in the comments even called that out, and Chris replied “because they rock!” … No they don’t. They never did. Nobody likes Mega Bloks. You were “paid” to review this weren’t you? Either that or his shit taste continues to take over.

*tries to watch* Not enough energy to care.

Friday! July 10th. It’s a movie review. Well since Tuesday was a video about Minions toys, I’m guessing today is about the movie.
NOPE! Not even the other two big movies that came out, Self/less or The Gallows (not that I can see him reviewing those).
Instead it’s a review of Inside Out. … We can add this to the “list of reasons not to take Chris Bores seriously”. Who the fuck is a month late for a movie review? Movie reviews normally have to come out within the week. It’s not a game that can take hours on end to finish or 100%, it’s a movie you spend on average 90-150 minutes to get through, it’s not a major time sink. It’s not like he’s doing an in-depth RedLetterMedia or Nostalgia Critic review of it either, it’s likely going to be 2 minutes of jump cuts and stupid jokes.

Last time he looked at a bad movie, let’s see how he handles a good movie on “Irate Cinema”, fuck that is still the worst name.
I might bring up spoilers for Inside Out, if you haven’t seen it yet then skip this post until you do. It’s a pretty damn good movie.

Video opens, says he’s going to review Inside Out. Then a Wacky Filter shot of him spinning. WHAT WAS THAT?! WHY?!
And now the payoff doesn’t make sense either. He says the stars are the emotions in your head, and Wacky Filter falls over dizzy. How? What? Huh?!
Then he lists off the main five characters, and when he does he puts a different colored filter over himself.  Then Wacky Filter asks who “those guys” were.
Wacky Filter says it’s like psychology, but then the others bring up philosophy and mythology for some reason. Can you actually talk about the movie?!

He says the premise follows a teenage girl. WRONG! Riley is 11, Joy says this in the beginning. Then at the end, she turns 12. Not a teenager at any point. And no he doesn’t mention Riley by name. Did you pay attention at all Chris?
Then she moves from Minnesota to San Francisco. At least that’s what he originally says because he poorly dubs over himself saying “a small city” instead of Minnesota. His lips are clearly saying Minnesota. Why dub this over? It’s not wrong.
More Wacky Filter shit. So much Wacky Filter shit. Why? What is the point of this? It’s just painful to watch. Even the comments hate it (before he deleted a lot of them)
He says the movie’s good and inventive… but doesn’t really elaborate. You know, for someone that supposedly went to school for video editing, one would think he would know how to elaborate on what makes a movie good or not. Then again, his own “movie” was a disastrous plot hole ridden mess so I doubt he really knows what makes a movie work.
He lists off the five’s cast, and how Poehler, Smith, Kaling and Hader had roles on NBC shows, and that Lewis Black was on the Big Bang Theory. Really? That’s the show you connect him to? Not The Daily Show? Not his standup routines? The shit taste just keeps on flowing.
Though I’m guessing he chose that so he could do a bit where he says BBT is on NBC, but then the Wacky Filters interrupt and say that it’s actually on CBS. You shouldn’t talk about confusing networks Mr. “Penn & Teller’s Bullshit is on HBO”
Then he does another annoying “spoiler alert” siren and says everyone dies in the end. But then says he was joking… or was he? They don’t, it’s a Pixar movie you fuckhead. You’re not funny and nobody likes you!
Also, he ends the video saying “Game On”. This was a movie review, why say that? How stupid are you?

This… was not a review. This was less than a review. This was a bunch of nonsense crap. You can just feel the desperation as he tries to get the same audience as the more popular Let’s Players or movie reviewers. But it really doesn’t work. Especially since Bores barely said anything about the movie, just that it was good. He didn’t bring up any dislikes, any interesting quirks about it, things he felt did right or wrong. Basic things that make up a review. It’s like he just wants to do random shit with no rhyme or reason to it. Like… JonTron? Is he trying to be JonTron? Because he actually has a method to his madness, it isn’t pure randomness like some people think. It’s all about timing and structure. You can’t just randomly jump cut to your Wacky Filters and expect that to be the joke. Also, JonTron actually reviews the games (and sometimes movies)!
I noticed that he seems under the impression everyone watching has seen the movie. He brings up Bing Bong but doesn’t say who or what he is (for the record, he’s Riley’s forgotten imaginary friend). That is poor form, he’s not really a spoiler character so you can bring up who he is. How he helps Joy & Sadness through Riley’s mind and get them back to the control center. But no, you just mention him to bring up his song and have your Wacky Filters sing it.

Reading the description, he uses the word “wacky” to describe the video. … Oh god, he actually is going for that. This is why you fail Chris.

New week. Starting not on Tuesday, but Wednesday. No explanation for why he skipped a day. Maybe it was to polish the video? PFFFFFFFFFFFFT
So, it’s about Iwata right? Nope! I don’t think Bores even knows who Iwata was.
It’s a “tech review”. He’s doing these now? Maybe that video about the LED lights was supposed to be the “first”.

Anyway he looks at the “Color Video Door Phone” from 1byone. It’s a camera you put outside your door and inside so you can see who’s knocking. It’s a security system, usually bought by really paranoid people.
He briefly goes over it.
“… volume and contrast and all that gobbledygook” Chris, if you have to use the word “gobbledygook” to describe basic camera terms, it shows what a poor reviewer you are. You are not the right person to be looking over this.
Then it’s stupid sketch time!
He “magically zaps” the camera away, with an “alakazam”. Are you 9? You’re acting like you’re 9. Considering the sketch involves having the camera “spy” on his Minions Mega Bloks and his amiibo, this really does feel like a nine year old made it.
During the latter part, he “voices” the amiibo but he’s just using his normal voice. The camera shows Wario, Marth and Ike. Who is he supposed to be?

“You can open the door from your location” Why don’t you show that? In fact, why don’t you install on it on your door? Get someone to test it out with you. What is even the point of this video? It doesn’t help anyone that could possibly be interested in purchasing something like this. You don’t actually show it in action. You say it can talk to the person outside, but you don’t show that. This is worthless! Show don’t tell!

SketchieGambit in the comments brings up an excellent point. What demographic is this for? From what I can tell, the few people that do watch his videos (besides his critics) are kids that like Skylanders or amiibo, kids that want to hear about retro games, and people that hate the AVGN. Nobody on his channel wants to hear about security systems, and there’s likely way better channels out there that go into more detail. People that would actually demonstrate how it works when installed to a door.
Was this a paid review? If it was, 1byone really needed to do their research. Again, Chris doesn’t say in the description if this was a paid endorsement or not. If this is what Chris personally chose to look at, then it’s clear he’s running out of ideas, and has no idea what to do. He’s lost, he can’t figure out the path to go down.

Here’s SketchieGambit’s comments in case they get removed (and likely will since they’re constructive criticism and that’s a big no no to Chris and his mommy personality).

You can do 2-3 videos a week and make things entertaining. Doing random subjects isn’t going to win people over. You need to get out of your bubble and listen to others. You probably won’t listen to me at this point since I destroyed a big chunk of your audience, but there are people that want to help. But you won’t let them in.

My gut is telling me there will be a big video on Friday, I don’t know for sure but I’ll post this just in case.

EDIT: I just learned the reason Chris "reviewed" the security system. Guru Larry told me that there's a group of Chinese spammers that go around begging for a review, and anyone that agrees gets the product in return. No payments. Apparently this happens all the time so I expect Bores to be reviewing a lot more of these off-brand products (and it's not just tech, Larry got offers to review a "weight loss herbal tea"). He did this because he clearly has no content. It was obvious before but now that we have an explanation, it makes way too much sense. Chris made a mistake promising 2-3 videos a week.