Sunday, October 14, 2018

When All You Have Left is Shilling Crappy Arcade Cabinets

We’ve got one hell of a video today. A near 13 minute pile of shilling crap, regurgitated from Puppet Steve.
Bores looks at one of those $350 arcade cabinets from Arcade1Up that are a complete waste of money as you can play these games elsewhere.
Specifically, he looks at the one that offers Asteroids, Major Havoc, Lunar Lander, and Tempest in one machine. Normally I’m all about supporting official releases, but over $300 for four really old titles… yeah go MAME if you really want that.
I should mention that there was a commercial for these Arcade cabinets that showed off various shills and appearances on daytime talk shows, and one such shill was Puppet Steve. So for a brief moment, he was in a YouTube commercial. It's gone now.

Let’s dig in.

He continues claiming he got exclusive coverage (he really should learn what that word means). Then he calls himself a “YouTube influencer”. Holy crap an actually funny joke! … Oh wait he was serious? Chris the only thing you influence is how NOT to make a gaming review show, how NOT to run a YouTube channel, and how NOT to handle drama.
He gushes over the fact it has a start-up screen. … This is the content.
“I’m sure everyone bought the Street Fighter one” No they didn’t. Again, these things are expensive.
States he’s not a Street Fighter fan. You’re not a video game fan period, I think we’ve long established that.
He then claims he’s a huge fan of Tempest. You’re going to see why that’s a big lie.
The way he keeps hitting the cabinet indicates it’s not made of a solid material. I can hear hollow thwacking.
Calls his room his “little game dungeon” with an “Avengers corner” with a bunch of comic book statues. How much did those statues cost Chris? Surely that money could have gone towards continuing Irate Gamer since before you said it was too expensive to keep going. It’s almost like you’re a massive pathological liar.

He describes the appearance of the machine. There’s no script is there?
He says he’s not familiar with Lunar Lander and Major Havoc.
Continues saying he only got the cabinet for Tempest. Claiming he played it all the time as a kid. Riiiiiiiight…
“You toggle that with this little toggle button” Oh my god…
“I’m sure with the other consoles- with the other cabinets” What’s weird is that this video is edited. There’s cuts and everything. Yet he’s leaving in clear mistakes, points where he should of said “I messed that up, I need to do another take”. So, no script, no effort, just pure shilling. I’m only 3 minutes in.

“You can’t play Tempest without this knob” Sure you can, just readjust the controls
Starts with Tempest, once again reminding us it’s his favorite. Jeeeeez
“It actually saves your high scores” WOW SO INNOVATIVE! Who would care about that?
He plays… and yeah he’s pretty terrible. He just keeps mashing the button, and dies really early. This is why I said he was lying earlier. I doubt he’s played this game at all.
Says the emulation is good because “people asked”, says the control is tight, but then claims the original had a roller ball. But you said earlier it was the knob. Editing Chris!
Then says he doesn’t have a problem with the controls. Gotta get those shill bucks.

Moves onto Asteroids. Calls it the most popular game on this console, then says to himself that it’s not a console. Were you on something when you recorded this?
Now here’s really weird cut. He tries to say that the games are all vector graphics, but in the middle of “graphics”, it cuts and you hear him say “games”. What happened here? How did you not notice this?
Then he says he doesn’t know how long he wants the audience to watch him play, as it would get boring. Well it’s already boring because it’s you Chris. But even then, why would you include that line? Do you have any idea what you were doing here?
He dies, let’s out an exaggerated “oh come on”, then look at the camera and says “crap like that takes me bbipjfoijfp;k” No joke, he just kind slurs the last part. Are you drunk?

Moves onto Major Havoc.
Claims the graphics are “a lot more advanced”. No not really, it’s still vector graphics.
Because he doesn’t know the game, he can’t say if it’s the same. Maybe you should have done some RESEARCH. I know you’re allergic to it and all but come on.
Boring gameplay… boring gameplay…
At one point it just cuts to black. Did he forget something here?
He also seems to fast-forward at points. I could be wrong.

Moves onto Lunar Lander
“I don’t know how to play this and what the point is” *looks at title* Gee, I wonder what the point of this game is.
He definitely fast forwards here. Dies once and gives up.

He’s done with these games. Yet somehow there’s still four more minutes of video. Hoo boy…
He shows a flier he got with the other cabinets. He gushes over the fact it’s labeled “Series One”, meaning there’s more in the works. More wastes of money.
And then some not-so-humble bragging about how he’s on good terms with someone at the company. But he clearly can’t remember who because he’s not sure if they’re a PR person or the fucking CEO. See, this feels like a lie. A gigantic can’t get your story straight lie.
He “confirms” Series Two is happening (not a shock), and that he told him that “lots of people” (aka just you) would love Ninja Turtles. That’s not going to happen, it’s a massive web of rights issues that this company more than likely doesn’t want to deal with.
“He didn’t come out and confirm it, but he did say they’re working on it”. That sounds more like a white lie to get you to go away. Something a parent tells their kid when they’re being annoying.
Then… at the 10 minute mark, three green circles show up out of nowhere. I have no idea why they showed up, I don’t think Chris ever mentions them. They’re just there. Did Chris also edit this while drunk? I mean he sounds drunk in the video but behind the scenes…
He also want the Simpsons arcade game. Again, far too many rights issues. Come on!
He claims they have enough pre-sales to sell out by November. I have trouble believing that. Chris, why don’t you mention the price?
He then brings up that these cabinets are hackable. Okay… pretty sure anyone that would want to do something like that has better tools for it. Why are you bringing this up?
He claims that they’re going to be even harder to find once “the hackers” open it up. You mean like how the PSP was harder to find when they broke it? Oh wait…

He brings up how the cabinets have different control configurations depending on the game. Like the Centipede one has a roller ball (or trackball)  but he clearly struggles trying to remember the name. Yeah it’s this moment that really makes me think he’s drunk, or on something. You couldn’t script this?
Claims there’s a secret cabinet. That’s dumb.
Still wants a TMNT cabinet. It won’t happen!
He also wants Gauntlet Legends. Weird…

And then some more delusion. He claims that Arcade1up will be looking at the comments of this video for suggestions. There’s barely any views on this, I don’t think anyone cares.

How much do these cost Chris? At no point did you mention the price. This was some terrible shilling. What a mess of a video.

What are you even trying to accomplish Chris? What is the goal of “Chris Neo”? It’s clear to me that you have no idea what you’re doing, or what you want. You’re not even scripting things, or even properly editing them. You leave in mistakes and the whole thing comes off as unprofessional.
Either give up, or quit Puppet Steve and focus on this. But then again, Puppet Steve has given you over 400k subscribers, a goal you never got close to with Irate Gamer. That’s a lot of dumb kids.

The delusion continues over on Facebook as he says he talked to a TV executive about putting his ghost crap on TV. Chris… give that up. You’re not going to get your stupid paranormal shit on TV, and by some miracle you do it’s going to be on some channel that barely gets viewers. Nobody bought your book, nobody bought your Haunted Investigators or Pursuit of the Paranormal, nobody cares.

Over on Puppet Steve, he recently did a video on Fortnite. Well, a plushie of the Loot Llama. Bravo Chris, coming into Fortnite MONTHS late. Chris really knows how to strike the iron while it’s hot. Just like his Thanos video a month after Infinity War came out.
Also some more FNAF cereal. I will never understand his obsession with cereal.

That’s it for me. Enjoy yourselves everyone.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

The End of the Mario Glitch Road. Why Did This Take So Long?

Lo and behold, after over three months, Chris finally uploaded the last video in his stupid Mario Game Genie series. A series nobody asked for, and probably would have been better if he looked at something other than Super Mario Bros.
So why did this take so long? Chris claimed that he was on "summer hiatus" for his family. Few things. Chris, you're not a mainstream TV show, you don't get the luxury of summer hiatuses. The only reason we know you were on hiatus was someone asking about it in the COMMENTS of your latest video. If you were going to go on break, make a video about it or something. Don't leave people in the dark, otherwise people will jump ship (again). Also, using you family as an excuse is wearing thin since we know you're posting bundles and bundles of Puppet Steve videos. Stop pretending you're not Puppet Steve.

So let's see why this last video took around a month to make. At least going by his comments on Facebook.

Intro intro intro...
When the camera cuts to him, his name pops up at the bottom. Only it's "Chris Neo". That just seems half-assed, that your "new character" is just yourself with a different last name. It would be like calling myself "Daniel Morpheus"
Chris makes sure to emphasize that this code is slightly different. Woo?
World P. A cloud level that you swim in. Also has enemies. At least he says Koopa Troopas correctly for once. The world loops.
"I don't have time for this garbage" I have more fucking Bendy and FNAF toys to throw in front of my camera!
World Q. It's World 2-2 but it's colored differently and you can swim through it bypassing the Cheep-Cheeps. Chris calls it neon and compares it to his stupid glasses. Ugh. He also claims the new colors and swimming make it a new level. NO IT DOESN'T! It's just 2-2 but a little different! Come on!
He shows World Q-2, but it's just that same underwater level from previous videos.
World R.  It's World 3-1. Only if you die, you don't start at a proper checkpoint. Zzzz...
World S. It's World 8-1. Could have cut this out
World T. A cloud level with the clouds taking up 2/3rds of the screen. Various enemies appear too. But it can't be complete due to a pipe on the way. "I've got a princess to save!" Stop
World U. It's World G. Again, could have cut this out.
World V. Another repeat level. This video does not have to be 7 minutes long.
World W. It freezes. Well at least it wasn't a repeat so that's worth showing. ... I guess
New code. First is World _. Yeah. It's another repeat. The rest of the combinations lead to nothing new. For some reason he starts playing Dwelling of Doom from Simon's Quest (when you travel through the mansions). How random.
Another new code. Now for World X. It's the World 8 castle.
World Y. It's World G again. Seriously so much to cut. Then a dumb joke where he "doesn't give it the dignity of finishing the level" and tells him to die from the timer running out. Are you trying to be tough?
World Z! Unfortunately there's still two minutes. It's the same level. Pointless!
The rest of the combinations don't bring much new. A return to Minus World, more levels from the game and past codes. Then... oh god we're back to these. The last one suddenly transports Mario into The Legend of Zelda. Are you fucking kidding me? We're back to these lame jokes? I thought you "rebooted" Irate Gamer to avoid those jokes? You don't know what you want.

He notes how the code is basically the same through only changing parts of the third line. Continues calling them "hidden" (they're not) and that he "stumbled across this" (you didn't, this has been known for years!)
Finally it's over!

Again, what was the point of this series? To show how Game Genie screws with a game? Yeah, we all know that. We all know that there's dangers of using a cheating device.
You can tell that his viewers are casual as fuck because so many of them are surprised by this or convinced that these are hidden. This is why they need to watch someone with actual knowledge and information, not a huckster that clearly doesn't know better.

I don't know what's going to happen with Chris Neo at this point. Hopefully not another series that doesn't take four months to finish even though it could have been done in one video. No seriously, why wasn't this one video?

Over on Puppet Steve, the same old shit. More FNAF, more Bendy, lots of cereal, more Cuphead. He's been trying to cash in on Baldi's Basics, the latest spoopy game that spazzy YouTubers overreact to for views, but this shit is terrible even by the standards of those games. Have our standards gotten so low?

Chris is also trying to push more ghost shit. Claims he had another breakthrough. Look just because you had an extra large dump in the toilet compared to the last one, doesn't mean you had a breakthrough. ... What? His musings on ghosts may as well be compared to defecation.

He just posted on Facebook that he got Mega Man 11. It's more likely he got a demo. Can't wait for him to review the box on Puppet Steve. The game? Fuck that, the box is the real deal! Just like the Avengers Infinity War box. The movie? Naaah I need that box!

And that's it for me. See you whenever.

Friday, August 10, 2018

The Tinfoil Gets Tighter

No, still nothing on "Chris Neo" (yet). However, he did post something on Facebook that needs to be seen.

For those that can't read it, here's the text. Complete with typos.

"If you've been wondering why my paranormal website has been offline for so long, well we've been sifting through the code and I just found out it was hacked. The timing of this event seemed to have occured after I called out the celebs in the paranormal field for suppressing my new methods. So this is how it is eh? One has to have alot of insecurities if you feel you need to try and silence my work this way. A big special thanks to the fans that keep tweeting and tagging these paranormal celebs of my existence and pushing my work on them. I've met them all and gauged their reactions to me and my research and I can tell it annoys them to no end that I broke down their entire western ghost hunting approach through a pyschological mindset and pasted it back together in a way that they cannot duplicate so easily. And you'll be happy to know, I've made a huge breakthrough this summer with investigating that I haven't even made public. Very exciting stuff that I even can't talk about yet since I'm still breaking down all the nuiances. Thank you for your continued support."

Oh... wow. Fucking wow.

Turns out he didn't let his domain just lapse, no it was HACKED! Right after he called out the "eeeevil" celebs! This can't be real.
How about naming these celebrities Chris? Are you afraid or are you just full of shit? You do this all the time, like those "hundreds of YouTubers" from 2006/07 you watched as inspiration instead of the AVGN. It's always a lot of people but nobody in particular. That Alex Jones influence is really showing itself. "It's never my fault, it's always the fault of someone else."

You say you met these people and they were annoyed with you? How did you know that? Could you tell from their expression, tone or demeanor? Perhaps they were annoyed with something else. Like how this shitheel from Ohio is coming in with these long debunked methods and is trying to pass them off as new. They probably even told you that but you didn't listen because you can't take criticism.
"Cannot duplicate easily"? What's so hard? Learning to ask if being dead is different from being alive? Learning which beeps on your overpriced devices are different? You don't do anything revolutionary or different!

How did you know it was hacked? Was there something specific that warned you? You gave no indication of being a computer or code expert. This is sounding more and more like an excuse for being lazy and forgetting to pay the domain name. I like to think that if someone hacked you, they wouldn't just take it down. They'd replace the page with like Illuminati shit, though your tinfoil wearing ass would probably think it was legit considering your hilarious meltdown over Nickelodeon.

What "experts" are your "fans" tweeting at? Give us names!

So you say you made a huge breakthrough this summer. Really?: You sure it wasn't filled with making stupid videos about toys? Videos like his latest "PENNYWISE IT Movie FUNKO CEREAL UNBOXING! NECA Exclusive Mini Pop Action Figure SERIES 2"
... Oh my god are you serious? Oh yeah, that lovable kids movie It. Featuring such child-friendly scenes like an opening with a 7 year old getting his arm torn off. Seriously what is it with Funko making these joke cereals on violent properties? At least with Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street they haven't had movies in years.

Continued support huh? You have over 3000 Facebook friends, and yet as of this post, only 4 of them commented. Makes me wonder how many are just inactive accounts, I know I gave up Facebook. 

So what's your favorite brand of foil Chris? The old classic Reynolds, the cheaper Walmart, or maybe something local?

Monday, August 6, 2018

It's been a month

Chris posted his last "Neo" video on July 6th. It is now August 6th. What the hell?
It can not be that hard to put together a video on Mario Game Genie codes, especially the way he does it. He opens his emulator, turns on the game, inputs the Game Genie code, and records the result. Then he edits it down with some boring reaction shots. How does that take a long time? A competent editor could do it in like a day.

And once again, your family is not an excuse. Not when you make 32(!) Puppet Steve videos and 3 Zombie Steve videos in that span of time.
You're probably wondering why I keep mentioning his "family" excuse? That's what he wrote on his site, that he'll sometimes miss a week because of his family responsibilities. I'd show you... except Chris let his site domain lapse again. Second time he's done it this year (unless I missed some instances). How does that keep happening? Is he trying to let it die?

You know Chris, you can tell people you're doing Puppet Steve, and "Chris Neo" is merely a hobby. ... A hobby you get paid for since the videos are sponsored. I'd say ad revenue too but those videos are barely getting views. Too bad you no longer have an audience of Charlies.

But hey, who has time to renew domains or finish promises when there's videos to be made about... Rampage Funko Pops. That movie came out four months ago Chris, way to be relevant. Though looking at the thumbnail they seem more based on the game but that's besides the point, it's clear he made the video in relation to the movie, yet the movie came out four months ago. It already got an Honest Trailer.

Chris also opened a new Puppet Steve store (separate from the Etsy one that sells custom Lego minifigs and Fidget Spi- oh wait, those are gone now hahaha). This store sells t-shirts. Including designs like a logo, "Puppet-Tastic", "Super Awesome!" (cringe), "My Kids Love Puppet Steve" (no parent would be caught dead wearing that), "My Parents Watch Puppet Steve" (no parent would let their child wear that in public) and a forced meme "Zombie Steve, Stop Eating my Figures" (it's the worst selling shirt). Interesting to note how these are all words, with no characters on them. Perhaps someone is afraid of the giant Seattle-based corporate monster that's looming over you and could possibly shut you down at anytime?
There's also a gift card. It's the most popular item. What's weird is that the second and third most popular items are shirts for girls. Are girls a big part of Puppet Steve's audience? Perhaps he should capitalize on it by letting his step-daughter do more videos. She hasn't shown up in a long time. Perhaps he saw me praising her and didn't want her stealing the limelight? Too bad Chris, she knows more than you and she's only a kid.

I also noticed Chris added another channel to his "Featured" section. He didn't make it, it's someone called "Funky Toy Trunk". He added it because he guest-stars in a video. What is this channel? "Animated" Funko Pop videos, and I'm being generous in calling them animated because it moves like South Park. I'm feeling all that cancer.
He shows up in a video playing Funko Pop Steve as he meets... The Tick. Oh yeah, because kids today know who The Tick is. I know there's an Amazon Prime show but I doubt kids watch that.

In non-Puppet Steve news
I added this to the Lost Media Wiki:;_existence_unconfirmed;_2015)
A page about his supposed Hardcore Pawn appearance. I marked it as "Existence Unconfirmed" as Chris is the only source of this, and we know he has a history of lying. Maybe a crewman or producer could confirm if the footage exists. But as far as we know, it's all a story.

Not much on Facebook. He brings up The Last Jedi and that he thought it was confusing (no not really, it was flawed but the movie was not confusing). Along with how Will Smith is getting a YouTube channel and "the little guy" is being left behind.  I've already ranted enough about this....

So do you think Chris is ever going to make that last Game Genie video? Or is he going to abandon Chris Neo and just let it die without saying anything? We shall see. But I'm sure he'll find a scapegoat like he has before. "James Rolfe undermined me by posting about the Colecovision when I was going to do that!"

Saturday, July 7, 2018

An Atari Artbook Because Nobody is Watching

Another week goes by where he doesn't make a video, leading to a two week wait. No excuse again, and "fatherhood" is still not an excuse because he posted 13(!) Puppet Steve videos in that time. Two were about cereal. I am not kidding, even when trying to hide his past, he still does stupid things from that time.

New video, and it's not the final part of Mario Game Genie. Those videos can NOT be hard to make, just put in the code and record the results.
Instead we get: Atari VCS Video Game Art Book - History of Cartridges, Flyers, Games 2600, 7800 Chris NEO
Ah jeez that is a messy title. Trying to stuff as many trending words as possible?

Video is a little under seven minutes.

"I know I like to spend a lot of time on the NES system" Redundant. Nintendo Entertainment System System? Should have done a second take Chris.
Says they're going to check out something cool for the Atari and holds up a 7800 controller. That's false advertising, he's not looking at a game.


Claims that the Atari was one of the first systems he ever "picked up and played" I don't believe you.
He shows the book. See the cover? Now look at the thumbnail Chris chose for the video. Why didn't Chris use the book's cover? Why did he go for the controversial E.T. game? Is it part of his weird clickbait strategy? "Nobody will care if I use the cover, but if I show one of the games I reviewed in the past and one that's notable" Please, it's not like anyone is watching this.

He comments that they had "the most amazing artists" do the artwork for the covers. While showing Atari 7800 games in grayscale, which do not do a good job of showing off the artwork. Dumbass Chris, could have gone with 2600 games but instead did something stupid. As usual. Not to mention his copy of Centipede has a huge rip in it. Not even a minute in...
"If you pick up any of these titles, you'll just be blasted with it" This is referring to the "cool art". Does Chris ever look over what he writes?

Blah blah blah blah...
Oh wow he brings up History of Video Games. Good thing that's dead. Why bring that up but refuse to mention Irate Gamer by name?

Oh... I see what this video is. He's done videos like this before. All he does is skim through a book and occasionally comment on something. I know he did that with an Assassin's Creed art book.
Yeah, this isn't worth covering. I'm sorry.

I think it's safe to say that "Chris Neo" has been a bust. The views have been abysmal, he barely gets comments about the videos on Facebook, the schedule has been inconsistent, even his websites are dead. As in they've been suspended.
Why did Chris even bring this back to begin with? Apparently people have been begging for it, but now that it's back, nobody is watching. Hell, it took over a month for his Thanos video to get over 10k views. Maybe people don't like this even more boring direction? Maybe people heard that Chris is a crazy conspiracy theorist and want nothing to do with that? Who knows.

Sorry for the weak post.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

More Mario Game Genie Crap

After three weeks of no videos with no explanations to his absence, Chris finally put out a new one. It's also the promised follow-up to the last Mario Game Genie video, which he posted a month ago. Smoooooth.
He claims on his site that he can't always promise videos because of "fatherhood", and yet in the time since the stupid Thanos video, he has posted 25 Puppet Steve videos! You're lying Chris, and I don't know why. Just be truthful, say this is a hobby and you're far more dedicated to dangling keys in front of kids now.

Anyway, this one is called: Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O - Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie Hack

Thankfully it's only 5:23 (so a little under five minutes excluding the sponsorship). But that only makes me question how this took a month to get out. This can't be that hard, just type in Game Genie codes, record the results, and edit. You don't even need the console, just use an emulator (which is probably what he's been using)

I am never going to get used to the stupid glasses.
"Locked away" Again, not locked away, just rewritten code.
"I've been playing the game Super Mario Bros since 1986" Add 20 years to that.
Recaps the previous video, keeps going on about how they're hidden and locked away. Again, that's not how it works.

First code, leads to World H-1. A looping water world a/la Minus World. Woo...
 Second code, I-1. Exact same thing as 3-3 only it loops. Floating shell, "funny" reaction face.
Third code, J-1. It's the same as D-1. Why did you make this video Chris? There's nothing interesting here.
Fourth code, K-1. Looks like a standard level with weird enemy placement. "I just love finding worlds like these" You didn't find it! Seriously, this is like shit-tier Super Mario Maker trash.
"Only in these lost worlds" Ugggggh
L-1 is just 8-1
M-1 is 3-3 again. Though he claims it's World H instead of World I. Editing? What's that?
N-1 is another World 8 stage an O-1 is something from the last video. This is boring. Only morons would think this is fascinating.
He tries other combos, most of them are just levels from the game, one is a blank screen. Chris does a really weak-ass facepalm. The kind that says "It took me 40 takes to do this!"
He does one more code leading to a glitchy world. One that surprisingly doesn't crash.
And he ends the video saying there's still more to come. Oh my god make it stop! Nobody cares about this! The views certainly reflect that. They really didn't care for your stupid Thanos video either, it still hasn't reached 10,000 views. You were too late! You would have gotten tons of views if you made that within a week of Infinity War.

So how long until the last stupid Game Genie video comes out? A week? A month? Just have to wait and see.

Over on Puppet Steve, Chris still doesn't understand that Rick & Morty isn't for kids as he looks at a box of Strawberry Smiggles, a prop box from FYE (according to an Amazon review, it's all marshmallows). For those unaware, this is referencing a scene where they watch Interdimensional Cable and see a commercial for said cereal. Involving a leprechaun with rabbit ears eating Strawberry Smiggles, only for a pair of dead-eye kids to hold him down, cut open his stomach, and eat the cereal found in his entrails. Fun for kids! Chris your obsession with cereal blinds you so much.
He also did a few Incredibles II videos (one with Bowser for some reason), more FNAF bootlegs (nobody cares), a video on Crash Bandicoot mini-figures (I imagine he's never played a Crash game, especially when hack review sites freaked out over how hard it was when playing the N Sane Trilogy), and a weird video that's described as FNAF plushies fighting the Devil from Cuphead over candy. Did someone from the Elsagate crowd ghost-write that?

Buuuut that's not all, we have a ghost update! Over on Facebook, Chris got "candid" and talked about his book. How people are taking it seriously, how "the higher-ups of the ghost community" are somehow suppressing his book and keeping people from reading it, and that once all his ghost knowledge gets out, all those nasty haters are going to pay. This is just a summary, the full thing is badly-written wall of text.

Wow. You really think there's a shady group of ghost experts that are so afraid of you that they're purposely suppressing the book from getting out there? Chris, you're delusional. There's no "paranormal deep state" plotting against you. You claim this whenever things don't go you way. Like how you claimed James Rolfe was under-cutting you, or how Machinima was working against your channel. There's nobody trying to hide your book, you're just an asshole and a terrible author. By chance someone finds your book on Amazon, they'll read the reviews and find the more helpful ones are negative. Or they'll learn about your book on TVTropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" page, which gives a nice little summary about how much of an egotistical little shitbird you are.

Chris, give up on the ghosts. There's nothing there, and if there was, someone much smarter than you would have figured it out.

See you when I see you.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Puppet Steve Tries to Tap Into the E3 "Hype"

You guys have a good E3? I did at least.
Excited that Kingdom Hearts III finally has a release date. It's been five and a half years... I should replay the PS4 collections in preparation
Absolutely elated that the true Tales of Vesperia is finally coming over, and it's not exclusive. Yes, that one Namco.
I'm actually excited for an Assassin's Creed game. It looks different enough that I'm interested. Hope it doesn't suck.
No idea what Babylon's Fall will be, but more titles from PlatinumGames are always good.
September is gonna break me with Dragon Quest XI and Spider-Man.
Death Stranding... I think I have an idea of what it is? Though Sony's lack of release dates for a lot of their big titles is worrisome... Like their treatment of crossplay.
And of course, the showstopper that is Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Which is the subject of today's post!

Instead of Chris using his established gamer persona to talk about E3, he uses Puppet Steve instead. Oh good...
Posted last night. At least he was actually timely about it.
Super Smash Bros Ultimate Nintendo Switch E3 Full Reveal! Complete Roster New Fighters Amiibo 2018

Of course he's gotta stick that amiibo in there. Because fuck the actual game.
It's six minutes long. ... Okay.

Fake over-excitement. His wobbly table has a bunch of amiibo on it. Why not a Nintendo Swi- oh wait I don't think he even has a Switch. Too much money spent on FNAF crap I imagine.
Of course this is gonna be about CHARACTERS! And he claims they added a ton of new ones. No they didn't, they only added three (so far). Inkling, Daisy, and Ridley.
Apparently the first "new" character is the Pokemon Trainer, who he refers to as Ash Ketchum. That's not Ash, that's Red. He's very different, in that he's competent. Also, he's not a new character, he's returning from Brawl.
"You can play as all kinds of Pokemon like Charizard, Ivysaur, Squirtle, and more" Uhh no, just those three. Pokemon Trainer can only control those three. There are other Pokemon in the game, but they're not controlled by the trainer. They stand alone. Unless that's what you mean, but you're not very good at conveying your points.
Brings up the Inkling. "This brings in a lot of fun because you can play as the girl or the boy! Oh yes!" ... You have a weird idea of fun.
"There are over 8 different characters you can play in all?" As he shows all the Inkling variations. Those aren't new characters, they're different costumes. There is only one Inkling, and you can change their costume to fit your preference, or if you do an 8-player battle with only Inklings. How do you not get this?

And he continues to think there's "more characters" because of the Villager and how there's 8 different ones. Again, costumes. He also thinks they "added" this. No, this was in the last game. I know damn well you played the last game, I saw that video. You can't possibly be this ignorant. Yet somehow he is.
He's also surprised at female Pikachus. Yes Chris, gendered Pokemon have been thing since Gen 2, and the heart-tail has been a thing since Gen 4. You'd know this if you were an actual Pokemon fan and not just pretending to be one.
At least he brings up the actual other new characters with Daisy and Ridley. Doesn't say much. Just that Daisy's Toad is blue compared to Peach's red Toad and that Ridley is going to kick butt.

And then... he proceeds to list every character. Over 60 of them. Why? Just why?
He mispronounces Ryu of course... doing the RYE-YOO pronunciation.
As well as Lucina, saying it as "Lucinda".
Palutena is mispronounced. That might just be an accent thing though.
What's weird is that he considers Sonic, Pac-Man and Mega Man as guest fighters, but lists Ryu and Bayonetta as if they're Nintendo characters and not guests. Capcom and Sega characters Chris. It's not hard.
He finally stops, drops a "super cool"

And then he shows the release date of December 7th, while saying September. You edited this Chris. You edited this and (hopefully) did multiple takes. How did you screw that up? It's right there on the screen!

He brings up the new Final Smashes. "Sonic turns into his golden form" Which he could always do since Brawl, only now it's a lot faster.
The only thing he says about the stages is the "graphically upgrades". Nothing about how they're all getting Battlefield variants. Though that would require Chris to understand the intricacies of this series, and he never will.
"Link's got his blue suit" That's the Champion's Tunic from Breath of the Wild, making it very clear you haven't bothered to play that. Then again, what's the point when there's crappy toys to show off?

"EASTER EGGS" Uh huh...
He talks about Assist Trophies, acting like they're new. Nope, been a thing since Brawl.
"Waluigi, Knuckle Joe, the Pac-Man Ghosts" None are new, all have been in past games.
"Protoman and Bass" Not assist trophies, just a part of Mega Man's Final Smash now. Also, he mispronounces Bass. He pronounces it like the fish, not the guitar. Yes I know Mega Man 8 uses the fish way but it's clearly meant to coincide with the musical motif the series has.
Lists more... I'm surprised he brought up Jeff from Earthbound. That seems like something way too obscure for him.
Of course he gushes over Bomberman as an assist trophy, and is annoyed he's not playable. My informant told me he also mentions that on Facebook and still wants Simon Belmont too. Wonder if he still thinks they're Nintendo characters.

Onto the amiibo. He just wants more.
Well there will be more, we know Inkling, Ridley and Daisy are confirmed. No word on the returning fighters but I imagine we'll see them.
He also wants new poses. Oh fuck nooooooo. At most we'll get reprints of the original Smash line. Not to mention a lot of these characters have "different poses" from different lines. Link has like 10 different amiibo.
He also believe there will be a lot more characters announced. Did you not pay attention to what Sakurai said? He said there won't be a lot of new additions, because the roster is already massive. 68 characters already. At most we'll probably get up to 70.

Yeah that was dumb. Could have shaved like 3 minutes without the padding and if he did proper research and realized many of those "new characters" aren't new or even characters. I'm just amazed at the ignorance. God I hope kids aren't getting information from this...

Think "Chris Neo" will do E3 coverage? We'll see. He inexplicably skipped last week. If there's a reason I didn't hear it from my informant.

But man, Puppet Steve is a mess of a channel. Before the Smash video, he spammed NINE FNAF videos. Are you serious?! It must be paying off for him to do that. Does YouTube still do the audience retention thing? Spamming videos only works if the audience watches each one all the way through (and DarkSideDave still doesn't get that).
His latest is a video on Minecraft Fun...ko... Pop. Oooooh god, that's like 20 different kinds of cancerous cringe. I don't think so.

Enjoy the rest of E3 everyone.