Thursday, July 21, 2016

It Hasn't Even Been a Day! At Least Try to Pretend You're Retired

I'm almost convinced Chris has multiple personality disorder. He says "I'm retired", but then posts a new video like nothing fucking happened. It's like there's multiple people operating up there.

He posted a new tech review, like we're just supposed to forget that he announced retirement.

... Wait, I think I got it. "Retirement" = No more free videos. All he's been doing lately is paid shilling. The boxes, the apps, the tech, these are done because he's getting guaranteed compensation. As opposed to heavily edited "Irate Gamer" episodes which will barely give him anything as views are way down, and he won't do anything to bring them up. So instead, he's become a whore. Irate Gamer? More like Irate Shill, because that's all he is now.

That is just disgusting. You could have least tried Patreon before you threw in the towel!

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

"Irate Gamer" is over. ... Again.

Chris just posted this to Facebook. (thanks to Marley Hughes for the screencap)

This is like what, the fifth time he's announced retirement? Chris, you ever heard The Boy Who Cried Wolf? A fable that's lasted the ages because its message still rings true? You're the boy, and your constant claims of retirement are ringing more and more hollow. Keep it up and nobody will come running to you when a wolf escapes a public access show and starts attacking you (and if anyone sees this as a threat, it's a Simpsons reference).

There is one part that seems to indicate he's "serious". He says "Season 5" is the last one, but the Duck Hunt video was Season 6 right? Not anymore. He's since edited it to be Episode 13 of Season 5. I mention in my recap how it's a new season so yeah this is a retcon.

If he's for real, where does that leave me? Well, he says in the post he'll still be around, so I will be too. Who knows, he might actually make that second book, or that episode of Hardcore Pawn will actually air (doubtful), or he'll make another ghost movie, or he'll just make more videos about stupid boxes since apparently these companies are desperate and paying obscene amounts of money for a video ($1500 according to Guru Larry).

Sorry "Linda", and other haters, but I'm here to stay.

If he really is done, thank you everyone. To all the fans, big and small, for your years of appreciation. This was a fun little diversion that despite what people claimed, didn't really take much time out of my day. I'm happy to make you laugh, angry, or whatever other emotion you possibly felt while reading. Thank you, and I wish you all the best.

EDIT: Chris, if you want this to be serious, make a video explaining yourself.

Also, if Chris decides to close his account, everyone download his videos for preservation. Think of them as part of a how-to guide on how NOT to make internet videos.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Do ya like BOXES?!

Maaaan, Pokemon Go exploded this past week. Everywhere I turn it's Pokemon Go this, Pokemon Go that, the news, local businesses, it feels like 1998 again. I've tried it, but holy fuck is it buggy. Probably going to wait a bit until they iron it out.

I'm just bringing it up because Bores certainly wouldn't. Instead, BOXES! More worthless nerd shit to take up space. Are his fans really asking for this? It's not a big hit, the first two Box Wars videos have less views than his latest 80's video (and that's only at 15,504). Bores, have you considered that people don't cover multiple boxes because this is a niche nobody cares about? The most people do is Lootcrate, and that's it.

Anyway, he's going to look at 11 fucking boxes in this video. How? The description even says there's no Lootcrate, and somehow there's still 11 boxes.
At the bottom he links Lootaku, but spells it "LOOT-A-KU" ... I think this is Bores calling out my last post for telling him he's pronouncing Lootaku wrong. Sounds like he's taking this criticism pretty well.

Anyway, first is 1Up Box
- Starting with the shirt, a crossover between Jurassic Park and The Walking Dead. Remember Dino Crisis? That was cool.
- I should mention the shirt he's wearing, a hybrid of Iron Man and Mega Man. He implied it came from 1-Up box but I'm not sure. Don't care to check.
- A Funko Pop! figure of Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite. He just refers to it as a "Bioshock Pop figure". Not even going to bother reading the name on the box. Also he "pops" it out of his and while making a pop sound. Are you nine?
- A Jurassic Park "Joker" (as in the card) sticker. ... What?
- A Fallout Vault Boy keychain, which explodes. Was that meant to be a reference to the game? Because that was a weak explosion if we're talking Fallout.
- And a Walking Dead keychain cover, which he then makes "disappear" like he's a magician (uses jump cuts). Again, are you nine?
- By the way, other than the explosion, every transition cut has the same fucking sound. I should know it, but my mind can't pinpoint it right now.

Next is something new, Infinity Crate.
- Another Funko Pop! figure, this one of MCU Captain America. And he does the "pop" again. This better not be a gag.
- A Batman travel mug. I can barely see the fucking logo! Everything's black! At least use the yellow emblem if the mug itself is black.
- A mini Thor plush keychain. He "squeaks" it, then he fake cries about his got dirty. The cringe is strong.
- Two t-shirts. One with Daredevil, and the other with Game of Thrones. I looked up Game of Thrones Brewery (as noted on the shirt) and there isn't one. I'm not really sure what that is about, I don't watch the show. Does Bores yell "autumn" at the end?

Next is another new one. Betoyo Box, and it comes all the way from Japan. Of course he pronounces it wrong. *checks site* He has to pay an extra $5 for shipping if he's not getting it for free.
- Well it's less of a box and more of a bag.
- First is a Sword Art Online mini figure of Lizbeth. Or "Sword Arts Online" as he says it. Seriously Bores?
- Another minifig of a character he mispronounces so I can't figure out who he's talking about.
- A wallscroll of another character he mispronounces so I can't figure out who he's talking about. He opens it and goes "whoa mama!" ... Sooo how likely is is that she's 14? I know how Japan rolls.
- Then a mini figure of a Fate Zero character. I don't know who, I haven't seen Fate Zero or any of Type-Moon's Fate series.
- Well that was embarrassing. There's sometimes moments where Bores comes off like someone's awkward dad trying to fit in with the cool teenagers, and this was a shining example of that. How do you do fellow kids?

Next is Bam, and yes he does all the jump-cutting while yelling "BAM!" But then he says "I just love yelling Pam!" ... What? Was that a blooper he left in or randomness?
- He mentions the random prize and this time got a card of Chunk from The Goonies doing the Truffle Shuffle. Wait, did he say Mikey? What? Some Goonies fan you are! I've only seen the movie once and I know that's Chunk. You are bad at this. Oh and since he's a child, he puts a filter on and says "Truffle Shuffle" four times with a jump cut each time, and his voice gets higher. You're not getting the PewDiePie audience Chris.
- The theme is the "bodacious 80's". Oh no, he's going to jizz his pants isn't he?
- First is some 80's sunglasses.
- Then the Back to the Future OUTATIME license plate. Okay that's not too bad.
- A supposed animation cel from She-Ra: Princess of Power. He barely keeps the image still long enough to show who it is, but I know that She-Ra isn't in that picture so it's about worthless as this arm.
- A signed print of... Slimer? He's not even a real person. Was it the voice of Slimer? Well looking it up, Slimer's voices included Ivan Reitman, Frank Welker, Billy West and Troy Baker, all of whom have WAAAAAAAY better roles than Slimer. I can't even tell what the signature says.
- And a signed print from Ralph Macchio of Karate Kid fame, which is apparently so amazing that Bores has to play a "HALLELUJAH" chorus while zooming in it multiple times. Not impressed.

Onto My Geek Box. I'm not even three minutes in.
- He claims the boxes are tailored to tastes saying he told them he liked ghosts and got a vinyl figure of the Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters. Very much a coincidence, and there's that new movie and everything. The one you promised to talk about but haven't and you've run out of time as the movie is out RIGHT NOW! Also, ghosts. Not video games, not the thing you built your YouTube career on, but the thing that nobody on your channel gives half a rat's ass about. I'm convinced, he's given up trying to claim he's a gamer now. Change the channel name Bores, you're no longer the "Irate Gamer", just some asshole talking about boxes. Oh and he makes some annoying car noises while holding the figure's box.
- A t-shirt with a laser gun on it. That's just dumb.
- A Sandy Cheeks (from Spongebob Squarepants) Mega Blok. Who cares about Mega Bloks? Oh right, I forgot Bores claimed they were "cool" when he talked about the Minions Mega Bloks, though he might have just said that because he was getting paid to. Shilling is fun!
- An egg key chain that Bores doesn't understand. Isn't that the thing from Steven Universe? Oh wait no that's Crying Breakfast Friends, yeah I don't get it either.
- And a figure of Doomsday holding Superman's cape. Bores overreacts and says he's going "cra-e". I think he's trying to say "crazy" but fucked it up while trying to overact. Take lessons!

Another new one, Sumo Jerky. Of course he had to incorporate food somehow.
- This one is kind of weird as Bores just goes on about how they give you specific jerky based on taste, and he says he likes Turkey Jerky and how he's all about health (sure Bores) and blah blah blah. He tires to bite into one, a Mario sound plays and he "bit his cheek". No you didn't, we can tell you didn't because you're not a good actor at all.
- I did see beef jerky in there. So much for "specified tastes" huh?

Another new one, Brick Loot. All about Lego, but legally they're not Lego. What's the point?
- Apparently a kid started it up. I guess that's neat?
- Theme is Mad Scientists. "Morty, Morty y-y-you got to check out this stupid *belch* video Morty, this guy he's he's talking about stupid shit you get in boxes, a-a-and there's this nit-picky pendantic *belch* asshole that over-analyzes it. Man, t-t-talk about a bunch of losers huh Morty?"
- I.N. Stein character. Meh.
- A Lego ice cube tray. Didn't you show one of these on your stupid site?
- Stickers. Zzzz
- A brick that lights up, and he puts some really crappy effect over it to imply it blinded him. What even was that effect?
- A mad scientist lab
- And a pair of mini-figs. Bores tries to do the spooky "ooooooo" with them. I don't even know what those are supposed to be.

Another new one, holy shit how many there, with Gachacrate. Bores calls them "bobbles". Yeah I don't think Bores knows about Japanese Gacha machines.
- First is some pocky, which he just calls "Japanese candy".
- A figure from the "Women of Namco" series. I'd say "tell us who that is", but he'd just mispronounce it.
- A figure from the "Hellsing Figure Bust" series (I imagine that's not the proper name). Is that a see-through Alexander Anderson? Also, they still have Hellsing toys in Japan?
- A figure of a schoolgirl doing kancho. Which of course he mispronounces.
- A mini figure of a Star Wars clone trooper. That's out of nowhere.
- A Pokeball that's really a stamp, which Bores slams on his head. NOT FUNNY! He shows the four Pokemon, but all I could see was Pikachu and Luxray because he was going too fast. "All your favorite Pokemon" You can't say that, we can't tell half of them!
- No more Japan Bores. You can't pronounce half of the items.

ANOTHER new one, Awesome Pack. High chances that what's inside is not awesome.
- It's another customized box and it's the... Irate Gamer Pack. Called it! Not awesome at all.
- A Yoda pin, with Bores doing an impression. Still not funny.
- A strategy game called Jab: Real Time Boxing. Okay that's just weird, since Bores isn't really about strategy games. He just did a couple videos that some Kickstarter goons paid him to do. Oh and he punches the box. Real thoughtful.
- Another Mega Blok set, this one of a Call of Duty snowmobile. Bores doesn't even like CoD, why include that? Also he calls it "skiing". Do your damn research.
- Some card game from some company I never heard of, I don't fucking care...
- And some board game nobody has heard of, leading to a dumb joke with a high-pitched Bores.
- Okay how is any of this Irate Gamer themed? It sounds more like he specified "Irate Gamer" instead of Chris Bores and that's what he got. Probably the same as everyone else. Still can't figure out if he's paying for all these or they're sending them for free.

ZBox, finally one he already looked at before.
- Starting with a figure of Raphael from TMNT, with a really big head. He looks plush. He follows with a high-pitched "TURTLE POWER". Never do that again. It didn't even sound like Raph.
- Disney Infinity Hulk. HA HA worthless. Then Bores "roars". Ugggh...
- An X-Men: Apocalypse t-shirt.
- And finally the hardcover collection of X-Men First Class (which was a comic before it was a movie). This better be the best item at the end because this is something worthwhile.

Concluding with Lootaku, and yes he still can't pronounce it right. Confirming that his purposely stupid spelling in the description is his response to my criticism. Charming.
- Wait, what was that audio cut? The picture didn't move but the audio cut out. Did you seriously just leave an audio glitch in the video?! You really shouldn't flaunt that you went to school for film making when you keep making mistakes.
- So everything in this box is Game of Thrones themed. "That could have been a risky move" Why? GoT is popular, people love it. It would be risky if they did an entire box of ... *looks around room* Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel merch.
- I want to thank MacDragard for some of the stuff pointed out in this part.
- A Funko Pop! of Daenerys and her dragon. How many franchises has Funko obtained the rights to?
- A random GoT figure, and he gets Sandor Clegane AKA The Hound. But Bores calls him a "stupid knight guy". Except he's not a knight, he's the retainer to House Lannister. Then Bores acts like a child and tosses him away. Even the noise he makes is like a little kid. It's not endearing Chris, it's annoying.
- A piece of paper. ... Are you serious? Supposedly it's meant to be a letter from Lady Forrester. I looked that up and she's from the TellTale game. Okay what? Then Bores makes a REALLY dumb joke when he reads the letter and claims Ned Stark is a crossdresser. I don't even watch the show, and I'm offended. I know what happens to him so this just seems disrespectful.
- A Hodor door stop, oh that's just in bad taste (yes I know about that too)
- A coin
- A pin
- A scroll containing a map of Westeros (which he doesn't say the name of)
- And ending on a pillow cover with the House Targaryen sigil, which Bores calls one of the coolest items. Now I know you're lying.

Onto the "winners". Let's see how he screws up.
Best t-shirt is Infinity Crate's Game of Thrones t-shirt.
Best item is the Back to the Future license plate (okay fair enough)
Second best is the above pillow cover, you are full of it!
The "First place" ite- wait so the license plate is third place? Then why didn't you say that was third place? You said "First item goes to". WRITE A SCRIPT! I know you're editing these, there's more cuts than the arms of a teenager with problems. Anyway, "first place" goes to the Doomsday figure. You know I'm surprised he didn't rant about the lame Doomsday in Batman v Superman, then again that would imply putting in effort in talking about things.
Third best box was Awesome Pack (no)
Second best was Lootaku, and god damn it is cringey how he keeps saying it wrong
Best for their "originality and creativity" is Bam. Original? I would say the jerky box was more original. Nobody else was doing that.
"So many clever items" ... Slimer's autograph is clever?

Surprisingly, this video is not a contest. Does not stop idiots from saying "Pick Me". This is part of your fanbase Bores, trained monkeys that just want free stuff.
Then again, even the fans don't like this. Plenty of dislikes, and quite a few comments lamenting how his channel got worse and nobody cares about the stupid boxes. Yeah, hard to believe that Bores has somehow gone downhill, and that's saying a lot. At least before he showed a little effort, it wasn't good but it something. Now he's just coasting, and the views are barely there. Someone seriously needs to sit down and talk to him. Tell him to deliver what the fans want. He claimed before he took fan requests but that was for stuff like Resident Evil 5 and Brutal Legend, which I seriously doubt his fans asked for. His fans are kids, they wanted Minecraft for years, and all he gave was Minecraft toys. Maybe Bores would be better sitting in an editing bay with a bunch of other editors, far behind the scenes, given actual direction instead of the nonsense he spews once in a while. That's it! Bores has no vision, he has no clear goal what he wants. He just throws stuff on the wall and sees what sticks, and when something does stick he runs it into the ground (Skylanders). He has no idea what he wants, and that's just sad.

... Welp, see you next time!

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Enough with the Scams Already!

I'll start this off by saying the only positive thing I can. He actually labeled that this video was sponsored content. Good, you're actually learning. That doesn't stop it from being complete garbage and from everyone else disliking the video and unsubscribing.

Chris looks at another scam app, this one called AppNana. It promises to give you gift certificates and money. RED FLAGS! RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE! I'm reminded of the bloatware he covered back in February. (see here)
He shows the prizes, and these are not good. For Amazon, the most you get is $5 off, and that takes 90,000 points. A $50 Playstation Store card takes 650,000 points. For context, Bores says you get 10,000 free points for signing, and he's gained 400 points since. So like the other app, it's a slow stupid process.
One way to gain points is through referrals. Each account has a code, and if you enter the code when you join, they get points. Yep, Bores is once again trying to exploit his fans for points in a shitty app. What is wrong with you?
Another way? DOWNLOAD APPS! Yep, this is just more bloatware that will more than likely ruin your device. Why do you keep promoting this trash Chris?  Are you so desperate for money that you'll take these sponsorships? There's better sites to promote! Talk to Audible, talk to Crunchyroll, talk to an actual company. Though, it's likely they won't talk back considering how badly you shot yourself in the foot Chris. You could have had a great YouTube career, but you squandered it, and it's all your fault.
This video was so poorly put together that he didn't even bother to give it a proper outro. It cuts off right in the middle. This is a level of not caring I haven't seen in a long time.

Chris, find a job. Open a Patreon account. Talk to the sites I mentioned above. DO SOMETHING ELSE! It's clear the fans hate this as almost all the comments are negative and the dislikes are immense. People are unsubscribing in droves. If Chris thinks he can regain the goodwill lost with a new Irate Gamer video, then he's more delusional than I thought.

EDIT: Also, a reminder to download the video in the likely event that Bores deletes it.

EDIT: HA HA HA HA! He deleted the video! That had to have been the fastest deletion ever. I hope someone downloaded it for safe-keeping.

EDIT: Turns out he didn't delete it, merely unlisted it. Normally I prefer not to link to his channel, but since this is something he doesn't want you to see, *link deleted* He has since put the video back up. With a lot less comments. Sounds like Bores' horrid attempt at damage control is to unlist a video and delete all the critical comments. Poor form Chris.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Three Videos in a Week and They're NOTHING

I don't think Chris understands what "semi-retirement" means. He put out three videos this week. I figured that "semi" meant he would only do big videos and that smaller videos would no longer happen. LOOKS LIKE I WAS WRONG!

All three videos were shilling some mobile app that nobody cares about. Chris doesn't do the right thing and indicate that these videos were paid endorsements. One of the reasons they all have MOUNTAINS of dislikes.

The first video was about Bejeweled Clone #3129. Throughout the video Chris commented how nothing was original, but still said it was worth checking out. That's the sign of a paid advertisement.
The second video was some tennis game. It has slightly higher views as the thumbnail contains a tennis player with big tits. Not sure if Bores purposely displayed that, or YouTube did.
The third video is about some app/site that's essentially just social media for collectors. Boring.

The fans are hating these videos, so why is he doing them? Well, he left this comment. Thanks to YouTubed for grabbing this image. Seen here.

More fucking filler.
You know Chris, maybe you should look into the world of vlogs. Talk about a movie you saw, or a game you pla- pffft hahaha that's right you don't actually play games. But a TV show you saw, or some stupid ghost shit you want to brag about, something that you actually care for. Though going by your videos, the only thing you seem to care for is collecting things and showing them off. At least going by your 80's videos. Still, you can do better filler than paid shilling.

You do have a job right? One that doesn't involve ghosts?

Friday, June 17, 2016

A Post-E3 App Shill

Another E3 has come and gone. A year of reinvention. Zelda is massively reinventing itself while at the same time going back to its roots. God of War and Resident Evil are seeing major changes. VR is trying to make it in a big way (we'll see). Shitty journalists are channeling the spirit of Jack Thompson's career to demonize the industry because of poor timing (it wasn't the industry's fault some bigoted asshole gunned down over 100 people in Orlando, they can't turn the show off you morons!) But what does Bores have to say about the event? ... NOTHING!

Instead, he posted yet another short video where he shills a phone app. Some dungeon-crawling RPG, I don't care. Dislikes are adding up as this is yet another poor video where he cares more about getting paid than entertaining people. It just gets sadder and sadder...
I love the one comment that's crying about dislikes still existing. Welcome to reality kid, dislikes happen. Not everything is going be universally loved.

We'll probably hear what Chris thought of E3 next week. My predictions? More Skylanders gushing (probably try to act like a Crash Bandicoot fan even though it's clear he knows nothing), bashing Breath of the Wild because it's not gritty like God of War, either praise the fuck out of God of War or pan it because it's "different", bring up how VR is the "way of the future", South Park The Fractured But Whole will be heavily praised, and then some stupid out of nowhere thing similar to Star Wars Kinect. That's my guess at least.

On another note, do not expect Bores to show up on Hardcore Pawn. In fact, do not expect Hardcore Pawn to have new episodes. Though not official, it's likely the show is dead. One of the stars left the shop to start her own eCommerce business at home. Bores probably should have waited for the actual episode to air before bragging about his appearance on his site and in his book. Congratulations Bores, your non-appearance is now immortalized in your dumb book, shattering any credibility you tried to build. Even then I doubt he actually appeared in an episode, he could have just visited the shop and got his picture with Les Gold (the owner). Unlike the Pawn Stars, they probably still do work there.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Ten Boxes of Crap. Who Needs This Pile of Junk?

Sweet, new Kirby game. Can’t wait to… Bores has a new video up? Son of a-

It’s another “Box Wars” video, and this one is much longer. Nearly 9 minutes! Reading the description, he’s going to look at TEN boxes. Are you really paying for all this shit Bores? He has to be getting it for free, nobody would be dumb enough to waste this much money on all this crap.

Jeez, 10 boxes. Let’s get started.

Box #1 is Super Geek Box, which he looked at last time. Theme is heroes.
- Starting with a Captain America plushie, with Bores adding squeaky sounds for no reason.
- A poster of a Slowpoke (Pokemon) & Flash hybrid (Swiftpoke).
- A 1-Up Mushroom arm band that says YOLO, he doesn’t point this out, instead wondering why it’s not in 1Up Box. Because that’s dumb. Just because it’s called “1Up” doesn’t mean everything has to be 1Up.
- A Superman air freshener, which apparently stinks as Bores adds the cartoon-y tugboat sound to indicate a bad smell as he falls over. *rolls eyes*
- A t-shirt of a Legend of Zelda & Adventure Time hybrid (The Legend of Bubblegum). Okay that’s kind of clever.
- Then the “best for last” (as he claims), a Legend of Zelda mouse pad. It looks so flimsy, just like the mouse pads he used to sell. It says “404 Dead Link… Princess Not Found” I get it, I’m not laughing but I get it.

Box #2 is 1Up Box, another one he looked at last time. Theme is RPGs.
- First is a Funko Pop! figure for Sylvanas from World of Warcraft. For some reason, his voice is pitched-down hard when he says her name. Did he dub it in post because he didn’t know how to pronounce it?  Odd editing choice.
- An odd Assassin’s Creed t-shirt where the assassin (fuck if I know which one, they all run together at this point) and an assailant are furry creatures. Also, I thought the theme was RPG? AssCreed isn’t an RPG. Unless that’s not AssCreed. I’m not sure, can someone clarify? I can’t find it on 1UP Box’s site.
- Assassin’s Creed emoji stickers. What the fuck is this? Again, not an RPG. Oh and Bores edits one of them onto his face. Pointless!
- A Viking pin? He held it too close to the camera to get a good look at what it was so I couldn’t read the writing.
- His favorite item “because I like to read” (pfft) is a glow in the dark Fallout bookmark. “Featuring the Fallout 4 guy” He’s called Vault Boy, and he’s been around since the first game. Research? For losers!

Box #3 is ComicBoxer, which apparently has all comic books. That’s kind of interesting actually.
- First item is the Free Comic Book Day copy of Civil War II. Bleh, that is such a cynical cash-in event. I know it’s capitalizing on the new movie, but when that did it sooo much better than the original comic… Not to mention I’ve heard they’re already pointlessly killing off characters.
- Black Panther comic
- Empress by Mark Millar. Ew, don’t be needlessly dark.
- Something called Rough Riders.
- A Star Wars comic featuring Poe Dameron, or just “X-Wing Pilots” as he puts it. Apparently the big fucking name on the cover isn’t important!
- Finally a book called Joyride with an autograph from the artist, which Bores finds “really cool”. It would be cool if I knew the artist. *looks up* Who the hell is Marcus To?
Then it cuts to the “certificate of authenticity” with Bores putting a sepia tone over it and playing some generic rock music. What’s the point of that?

Box #4 is IndieBox. Oh this one, they give out awesome indie games. None of which Bores can play because they’re PC only! Waste of money Bores (if you pay for it).
The focus is on the game Galak-Z: The Dimensional (though Bores leaves out that second part) “It’s packaged like a video game package” What’s a script?
- A USB drive. Little does Bores know is that USB has the whole game on it. That’s how they distribute the game itself. Useful info that I’m willing to look up but Bores isn’t.
- An audio cassette with the game’s music. Odd to put it on such an obsolete format.
- A poster. Bores puts it against his wall. Yeah that is not going to appear in future videos.
- A sticker. Chris you don’t have to say the game’s name every time. We know it’s all focused on Galak-Z. Then he puts it on his head… blah
- A manual
- And a statue. Though he calls it an action figure. It has no articulation, it’s not really an “action” figure.
- There’s also card that give demo codes to various indie titles. None of which Bores will play. This feels like a waste.

Box #5 is the Bam Box. Which Bores really exploits by yelling “BAM” with a bunch of jump cuts. This is going to be an overused joke isn’t it?
- Random boxes will get an “upgraded” item, and he got lucky. This does lend credence to the “got them for free” theory. His big upgrade is a pin of a hybrid of Spider-Man and Charmander. It looks fat.
- Something about virtual reality glasses, it looks stupid.
- Some black ooze with a magnet. I’m not sure what it’s meant to be. He references Magneto for some reason but it doesn’t make sense. Because it’s not Chris Bores without random references that do not belong.
- The One Ring from Lord of the Rings, only it’s in black. Apparently if you want the correct color, it has to be a random upgrade. That’s stupid! This is a stupid box service.
- Stop saying cool!
- Some signed Wolverine artwork, and signed Zoom from the Flash series artwork. Autographed stuff is only good if you know the artist. You don’t tell us the artist, and thus it’s pointless.
Only five to go.

Box #6 is Game Box Monthly, which is all about giving out different games.
- First is Eight-Minute Empire Legends. Ah, it’s going to be shit nobody has heard of. Excellent. He lists the things that make it a tabletop game. Because screw telling us the rules. Then again, this video is stuffed with pointless box shit and… why are you doing this? This is dumb.
- Then a card game called Fisticuffs. “I haven’t played this game yet” Nobody has! Nobody knows what this is. Quit acting like you’re “in”, you’re not “in”, you’re trapped in a safe space bubble.
- Then a bag of rubber bands. I’m sure it’s a game of some kind but Bores is too lazy to do research. Instead he says to “fling them at your principal”. On one hand, at least he’s acknowledging the age of his audience, on the other hand he really shouldn’t be encouraging delinquent behavior. Shame on you.
Not much in this box, seems like a waste. Then again, a lot of these are a waste.

Box #7 is LootCrate, the big fan favorite. The theme is power (which Bores has to say in an attempted booming voice)
- First is Funko Pop! competitor called Q-Fig, this one for the Hulk. Hard to see through the box…
- A Dragon Ball plush toy of the four-star ball wrapped by Shenron. Bores adds pointless squeaking noises again. Plushies do not make those noises! Unless you add them, but I doubt they did.
- A Warcraft movie t-shirt.
- And an Infinity Gauntlet oven mitt. Prompting Bores to give a really awkward looking “evil laugh”. His jaw just juts to the side like someone punched him. It’s really off-putting.
I swear LootCrate had more than this…

Box #8 (oh my god it’s still going) is Lootaku. Which he mispronounces hard. It rhymes with otaku! Though I doubt Bores knows that word.
- First is an Ultron bobble head. Hm, I would think something that rhymes with otaku would be anime stuff. I do know there’s a service that specializes in anime stuff.
- An Infinity Gauntlet coffee mug. What’s with all the Infinity Gauntlet stuff? Avengers 3 isn’t for another two years.
- A random Marvel keychain, he got Gray Deadpool (that’s a thing?) but sees it’s not on the back of the package, and he believes he got a rare one. Then it prompts a sepia overlay while a choir sings and CLOSE YOUR MOUTH! Seriously what is that expression? I could see flies going in there.
- A Rocket Raccoon plushie. Thankfully no pointless squeaking sounds.
- Finally a Captain America Civil War bobble head. He hopes he gets Iron Man *rolls eyes* but he gets Hawkeye, and then a cow moos. What? Is that meant to be disappointment? Where is the sense? Also, Hawkeye is awesome, what do you know?

Box #9 is ZBox. It’s heavy…
- First is a Funko Pop! figure for the Winter Soldier.
- The Rocket Raccoon Disney Infinity figure. How pointless, now that the series is dead. Not going to comment on that Chris?
- A “Visit Asgard” t-shirt. Chris also tries to say “origin” again and butchers it. Is that really an accent thing?
- A Marvel bag tag. He wants Silver Surfer, but gets the Hulk instead. This causes him to “roar” and he puts the Hulk’s head over his. Will you stop with this crap?
- Finally the Spider-Man Character Encyclopedia from DK Children. A massive book I saw at a recent book fair. That’s a surprisingly good item.

 The 10th and FINAL box (thank fuck) is Comic Pop, who apparently couldn’t bother to make a custom box to ship their crap.
- First is a Harry Potter Gryffindor shirt.
- Then a Lord of the Rings magnet. I can barely read what it says. Instead of reading it to us, we get a dumb gag where the magnet somehow attracts to his brain.
- A Funko Pop! pencil topper (they make those) of Voldemort.
- Marvel magnets.
- A random keychain of a Disney villain. He gets… and I swear this is what he says, “Evil Kitty from the Evil Kitty Disney movie”. Chris… that’s Lucifer from Cinderella. What the hell is the Evil Kitty movie? You couldn’t take five minutes to look this up? This incompetence is why you barely have fans. Why your audience isn’t the same. Why nobody respects you.
- A Funko Dorbz figure (different from Pop!) of Jack Skellington. He looks nothing like him but whatever we’re near the end.
- Finally a Slytherin (Harry Potter) drinking up. He sucks on the straw and somehow gets brain freeze… What? There was clearly nothing in there! Why not make a Harry Potter joke like you just drank Polyjuice Potion and you transform? No fuck that, he would ruin it.

It’s finally ov-, oh wait the rating.

Fourth place (changing it up already) is Lootaku. Reasons? NONE GIVEN! FUCK EFFORT!
Third is Comic Pop. Again, no reasons.
Second is LootCrate
First is Bam Box, which I’m pretty sure he only picked so he can do the stupid “BAM” jump cut gag. Can I hit him?

Now he’s rating the shirts.
Third is the Harry Potter Gryffindor shirt from Comic Pop
Second is Super Geek Box’s Zelda/Adventure Time hybrid
First is ZBox’s Visit Asgard.

Onto items, jeez it just keeps going and going.
Honorable mentions to the Slytherin cup and the DBZ plushie. By the way, he squeezes it and doesn’t make a sound. Why the pointless added sounds Bores? Why do you want to deceive your audience? If you say “humor”, then where’s the joke?
Third place is Super Geek Box’s Legend of Zelda mouse pad. Holy shit that’s flimsy, it looks like it could tear in half any second.
Second is Bam Box’s One Ring necklace. Why? It’s not even the right color. It’s black, not gold.
Best item overall is LootCrate’s Infinity Gauntlet oven mitt. Taking a quick peek in the comments (hurts to do that), apparently the mitt is poorly made and can burn you. Should have tested it out before declaring it the winner!

No worst item? Even though sooooo much of this is crap? No taste detected.
Oh and of course it’s a contest. Fuck this.

This was dumb. He got so much wrong, the jokes that were there were terrible, this is a pointless series. If these companies are providing the boxes for free, why? Do they not know of Chris’ reputation? Why would anyone want to do deals with him? If he spend his own money on the boxes, then he’s a giant moron for buying all this crap. The only reason this is “popular” is that he’s giving away free stuff. Take that component away and nobody would care. Why do people want most of this stuff anyway?

Anyway, new Kirby game. Giant robots, let’s go.