Courtesy of my informant: https://scontent-vie1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/97088073_3057758127649414_737106736925638656_n.jpg?_nc_cat=107&_nc_sid=85a577&_nc_ohc=eDfmXvjkFt8AX9tISip&_nc_ht=scontent-vie1-1.xx&oh=a35efc3d7d13fb01f578c9ff644335cd&oe=5EE646F7
So yeah, I don’t think this is going to just be a “one-time deal”. We shall see!
The Irate Gamer’s big comeback will be about Ghostbusters on NES. Because that hasn’t been talked about to death. Seriously, there’s hundreds of terrible NES games, as well as terrible games on other consoles. Do something that isn’t as well known. Then again, that likely won’t bring in the views.
The whole thing is 20 minutes long, so let’s get to it! Screw the timestamps.
Bringing back the theme song. Maybe after this Chris will pay to get a real theme made and not just use a royalty free track? Pffft probably not.
Hold on. When it shows the credit “Starring Chris Bores”, a smaller credit saying “Inspired by AVGN” shows up. Really? You’re doing this now? 13 years after everyone called you a joke? It didn’t work for Game Dude, and it won’t work for you.
The episode proper opens recapping the ending to the Duck Hunt video, with Bores uppercutting the dog into the Mortal Kombat Pit. Then it cuts back to his house where he mounted the dog’s head on his wall like a hunter. Classy…
Also, it’s clear he’s no longer on his old set, but he still uses the old house picture he used from the pre-retirement days. You’re not fooling anyone.
He decides to play Zelda II but doesn’t have the manual. You don’t need the instructions for that game, it’s really easy to figure out (just hard to get through). Also, he says “instruction manual” but he’s holding issues of Nintendo Power. Is the joke that Nintendo Power is like a manual but tells you the answers?
“Oh well, this game can’t be that hard right?” He says as it fades to black and we get an Avengers: Endgame reference. The “Five Years Later” transition.
Wait, it's only been four years since the Duck Hunt review. Something is wrong here...
Hold on, this is literally just footage from the movie. Slightly edited to be gaming related as the “Where do we go, now that they’re gone?” poster is edited to have an NES controller.
Then we see Scott Lang. Really Chris? You’re going to be this lazy?
Then we see edited missing posters of really old YouTube “angry” game reviewers. Armake21, Jedite1, Spoony (he’s still around, he’s just a depressed mess that cries on Twitter all day), UrinatingTree (also still around, he does sports commentary instead), Sly Dog Studios (I don’t think he was ever that type of reviewer), and PlayItBogart (he, or rather she, is still around, as a drag queen streamer)
Then a newspaper stating that the Angry Video Game Nerd is searching for the missing reviewers. Doubtful. If anything, he’ll just work with current content creators like Scott the Woz or Arlo or Matt McMuscles. Too bad Chris’ head is too deep in the sand to know about NEW creators.
Then it shows IG’s missing poster, which is Chris’ head super-imposed on the adult baby picture shown on his Enyclopedia Dramatica page. … Is this Chris’ attempt at being self-aware? After that ghost video, I didn’t think he was capable of that.
It cuts to Chris fighting Dark Link and beating him. “It took me four years to beat that?!” Four years? But earlier it said five years. Were you so desperate to make an Avengers reference that you didn’t take continuity into account? Also, how shit are you to take four years to beat Zelda II? You’re not a child. Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t rely on Game Genie since you always did that. If that’s your “in-universe” excuse for not making anything for four years, that’s really damn lame.
Because the cartridge is gold, he gives the game a “golden shower”. So, you’re just going to double down on being an AVGN clone? Right down to the toilet humor? I think he’s given up.
As that’s happening, the Ghostbusters NES cartridge begins moving and falls off the shelf. But then in the next shot it’s floating. Chris says “no” only to get hit by it. More of this huh? After some more floating, sudden Ernie Hudson cameo! It turns out I was right, in that this was literally phoned in. In fact, all Chris did was go to Cameo.com and ordered a message for $135 and stuck it into his video. You can tell because he mentions Oz and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, which he does in all his Cameo.com videos. So yeah, this “big deal” Chris made? Not a big deal if you have $135 to spare. I guess anything to add some legitimacy.
In fact, you too can get Ernie Hudson in your video if you go to this link: https://www.cameo.com/kirbyzook
Ernie asks him to review the game. He doesn’t even say NES, so if I were in that spot, I would exploit a loophole review the 2009 game.
“Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies from the 1980’s” *looks at your entire stupid ghost hunting career* You don’t say.
He explains the movie… shows some footage. Hope he’s not planning to put this on a DVD. Sony and Disney would end him.
Says the game sucks, “pixelated nightmare”, blah blah blah.
Before he can talk about the game, he has to go back to 1984 to talk about the Atari version, but before he do that, he has to go back to 1983 to talk about the movie when it was greenlit. Wait, why? What does that have to do with the game?
So, he talks about how the movie’s production was rushed, and how the Atari game’s production was also rushed. Only given six weeks. Comparing it to how E.T. suffered the same fate. For some reason when he shows E.T. footage, he plays the Pac-Man death sound. Still doing random unrelated game sounds I see.
Okay what did any of that have to do with this? I know the NES game is a remake of the Atari game, but you didn’t have to bring up the movie’s production. Feels like Chris really wanted that 20 minute runtime so he padded it out. Just like with Puppet Steve.
Now he starts looking at the Atari 2600 game. Isn’t this supposed to be about the NES game?
He complains about the shop menu, the amount of driving, calls the Ecto-1 in game a “dick” (he really is acting more like Game Dude now), and he’s annoyed at the idea at how this was almost a pure driving game. Chris, you have to consider limitations at the time. There were only a few things you could do on Atari. Then he plays another movie clip (all aboard the demonetization express).
By the way, it wasn’t a “Ghostbusters driving game”. It was another concept called Car Wars that they turned into a Ghostbusters game. Happens all the time in gaming. Like how Arc Hound became Contra Force, or an original game from Good-Feel starring Prince Fluff (Fluff’s Yarn) became Kirby’s Epic Yarn.
Then onto 1988 which “coincidentally” was the year Nintendo Power started. … Okay what’s the point of bringing that up? Did you just want to show off that you have the first issue?
“Nintendo was gaining steam” The NES has been on store shelves for three years now. Fairly sure they’ve been “gaining” for a while. Sorry, but this just feels weirdly written.
“The Nintendo was gaining popularity” Yeah that’s what you already said. Wouldn't be Bores without some redundancy...
He comments that you can’t polish a turd, then brings up Zelda II again. This would be more effective if we actually watched you play it, and not just beat the final boss and then urinate on it. At least the Nerd would show off various problems with a game before he would take a dump on it.
7 minutes 10 seconds in, he finally gets to the game. I’m getting Goonies II flashbacks.
“We’re going to have to exorcise the shit out of this satanic hellspawn of a game” HIRE ME TOLEDO! I CAN CLEANSE YOUR HOMES!
Then he goes on about how it’s nothing like the movie. Listing aspects of it like characters and scenes. Yes, we know, it’s nothing like the movie. That’s nothing new when it comes to crappy adaptations.
He brings up there’s a gas station now. Then he gives up. Then the cartridge comes back and hits him again. This time covering him in slime because reference. “Either that or he jizzed on me” … Ew. If your semen is green, then you have a problem.
Plays another movie clip…
Brings up how you have to buy equipment. Then he “foreshadows” that the shopping mechanic lead to “childhood trauma that lasted over 20 years”. Over 20 years? Doesn’t that indicate you’ve played this in the late 90s? You weren’t a kid in the late 90s. Are you trying to pretend that you’re younger than you really are? Did you mean to say over 30 years? Because this game is 32 years old.
Starts driving… pointlessly inserts Spyhunter. “GET IT BECAUSE I REVIEWED IT AT ONE POINT!”
Gets to the shop… buys stuff… tries again but needs a trap, and he’s angry because he didn’t see a trap. Then he pauses to “paint a picture”, as in describe an experience. Oh jeez…
How at the time, there were only a handful of NES games. Not true. At time of the game’s release, there were at least 130 NES games. That is not a handful. Also, that debunks The Wizard where Lucas bragged about having “all 97 NES games” since there were way more when that movie came out.
He wants people to picture 10-year-old Chris renting the game, buying the beam, and not being able to progress because he didn’t buy the trap. So, he assumed it’s a “scavenger hunt” game like Castlevania II. Interesting comparison because Simon’s Quest came out AFTER Ghostbusters. Unless he rented this after but I’m just going by release dates and his age…
Anyway, he tries to find it, he can’t, and his weekend was ruined. So years later when he starts Irate Gamer, he looks online to see how to find it. Turns he didn’t press down at the bottom of the shop and that’s where the trap was. Kind of goes to show how incompetent of a gamer he was when he didn’t try that. Assuming this story is even true and he’s not just making something up.
So, he’s upset that there was a second page, then makes his face and voice all demonic. You know Chris, you criticize Anderson Cooper and other newscasters of making demonic faces you could never make, and yet here you are descending your jaw like you’re a goddamn Xenomorph. Something you want to tell us?
Then he starts yelling at the game, how he hates the game’s family, the Atari version, the sequel, then brings up the 2016 reboot. Let it go Chris.
He’s really salty about the second page. Angry that they put the Ghost Vacuum on the first page instead (or Ghost Horn as he calls it because he can’t read). He also cries that he doesn’t know what the vacuum does. You could look it up. Go on the internet and find out the truth. It’s not 1988 anymore.
“20 damn years!” Don’t you mean 30? Chris, if you rented this at 10, then it would have been 1988 or 89. That’s 30 years ago. Are you pretending you’re not a 42-year-old boomer?
He finally moves on from that and says, “I’m so happy I’m about to bust my nut all over these ghosts”. Is your strategy to be AVGN but rather than talk about poop you talk about cum? I don’t think that will work.
He gets to the ghost capturing segment. “We have new screens to look at and they are glorious” You need to work on your sarcasm.
Brings up that you can’t cross the streams, then plays the movie clip. Then complains that there’s still no ballroom scene. Let it go.
He goes over the game some more, mentions the Zuul building. What, no rant on movie accuracy?
Then apparently if you just sit there and let the PK meter rise to 9000, you can enter automatically. Complaining that they would program this. Well, you need money to buy upgrades for the stair sequence. It would help.
“Would have been nice to know about this 30 years ago” 30! There you go! Why did you keep saying 20 earlier? Did you do this in one take and thought “Eh, nobody will notice”.
He reaches the building and gets upset that Winston isn’t in the line-up. Using this as an excuse to edit in his Ernie video next to the three in-game Busters.
He then slowly explains that moving requires pressing the A button multiple times. Rather than say it one sentence, he does whole sequence where he has to press it twice to show you only move one step. Gotta get to 20 minutes!
More about the stairs, bringing up the same points others have… gets annoyed that this is movie accurate and yet the ghosts in the final boss aren’t green. Are those meant to be Slimer?
“Check out this kill screen” That’s not a kill screen Chris. A kill screen is when you reach the point of an Arcade game (or basically a game that doesn’t end) where the software can’t take it anymore and does something to crash the game. Like the 256th map in Pac-Man being a glitchy mess, or the 117th screen of Donkey Kong where the timer only lasts four seconds or getting to Round 100 in Duck Hunt and the ducks become impossible to hit. What you’re thinking is a “game over screen”. Very different.
Anyway, the “kill screen” shows text that, while not as badly translated as the ending, could still use some improvement. He’s angry because they wouldn’t let him save the city.
“If you took more than six weeks to produce this game” You’re thinking of the Atari version Chris. I know this is based on that but come on don’t be stupid.
He says he would want to Game Genie his way to the top, but people will complain because “AVGN did that”. Why would that stop you? Also, why do you think mentioning him now will help you?
Instead he’s going to “montage” his way to the top. While The Final Countdown plays. But it’s stopped short when he gets a joke copyright claim. So he’s smart enough to know about that, but still includes movie footage, and TV show footage on his DVD. His selective ignorance is astonishing.
Instead he transitions, while mentioning AVGN again. Then he yells at the audience “Are you happy? No AVGN copying. No Shit Pickle” Shit Pickle? What are you talking about? Are you referring to people that called your Maplestory character a copy of Shit Pickle? Even back then, that was a stretch. Because Tony was so stupid that it could only come from your empty head.
Then for no reason he has a cut-out of the AVGN appear doing the Mortal Kombat “toasty”. … Okay?
He gets to the final boss, talks about what’s there, then gets confused that it’s called the Zuul building when the boss is Gozer. Oh, so now you talk about that. Why didn’t you realize that earlier?
Then he does the AVGN toasty thing again. For literally no reason. That better not be a fucking running gag…
He wonders how to beat the boss, then another recorded video from Ernie Hudson encourages him. He plays another movie clip. Okay…
He beats Gozer, gets the crappy ending. Of course, he must complain about the poorly translated sentences. Big talk coming from the guy that misspelled “nostalgia” in your comeback trailer.
“Can I ever get an ending that’s satisfying?” Yes. Play something that’s not an NES game, or play an RPG. “Especially with a game as iconic as Ghostbusters” You mean franchise, right? Because Ghostbusters games aren’t “iconic”. Only like two of them are any good.
Then we get more Ernie Hudson recording to close out the video. Clearly, $135 well spent.
That was the big comeback? … That was lame.
It wasn’t the worst video he’s ever made, not by a long shot, but it felt really half-assed. Like a big dull pile of meh. The energy felt low, and the writing seemed to focus more on vulgarity when I recall people saying, “IG is better because no poop jokes”. Yet he pees on a game and references semen twice. I know that’s not specifically poop, but they’re still bodily functions. Also, what was the point of all the AVGN references? Useless pandering? Frankly, adding "Inspired by AVGN" in the opening is a big case of "too little too late".
The one thing I can take from this video is that Chris is really bad with time and numbers. But we’ve already established that.
I guess we’ll wait and see if he’s truly back for more poorly made videos.
That’s all for me. Go play The Wonderful 101 Remastered. It’s an excellent game that needs more love (when it comes out of course)