Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Isn't Stealing Clickbait Articles Fun?!

It's 2014 and Chris is still committing plagiarism! Did all those years of criticism and angry videos not tell him it was wrong?

Today on his site, he posted an article called 10 Disturbing Facts That Happened on Nicktoons Cartoons.
I looked in the article trying to locate the source as I know he's not dedicated enough to make a list like this (yesterday he made a post about custom Minecraft figures and said he was too lazy to convert centimeters to inches), but I couldn't find one.
Thankfully, Harrod did (thanks man). An article at Answers.com: 12 Twisted and Dark Things We Totally Forgot Happened on Nicktoons

Notice how Chris copied the exact same writing for each one. Except for two he removed for some reason (the Rocko's Modern Life character "Dr. Bendova" and the Ren & Stimpy scene where Ren forcefully removed the nerve endings in his teeth). Probably under the belief that removing them absolves him of plagiarism (it doesn't).

Chris... what the fuck man? I know this isn't the first time I caught you stealing from other articles (mentioned here) but now you're stealing poorly-made Buzzfeed-esque lists? I know you're desperate for money, but this isn't the way to do it.
Seriously, just because you stop stealing from one source, doesn't give you carte blanche to steal from others. This is the internet age, information travels faster then ever, people will find the sources.

Also, as Harrod pointed out, the English in the title is all wonky. "Facts that happened", facts don't happen, they just "are". A better title would have been "10 Disturbing Things from 90s Nicktoons". Oh and "Nicktoons Cartoons" is redundant.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention. I'm moving on Friday and will be without internet until Sunday afternoon. If Bores posts anything during that time, I won't be able to cover it until I'm settled in. Thank you for your patience.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Effort is Dead

Skylanders... Skylanders... fucking Skylanders...
Contrary to what Chris believes, he does NOT get "monstrous" views for making Skylanders content. And if he gets higher than average ones, it's not because of Skylanders in general, but for "checklist videos". Videos where he lists off all the upcoming figures for the next game, those are the ones that get him views. Not the individual preview videos from E3 or whatever stupid Skylander event he gets invited to. I am so sick of this shit...

The first of the recent Skylanders videos was Bores attempting comedy and failing hard. "Rejected Skylanders Ideas", stupid characters he thought up that wouldn't work in Skylanders. It's not funny and the drawings he made for it are terrible.
"Here is a satirical look at Rejected Skylanders that will never ever grace store shelves." Pretty sure you don't know what satire is Chris. Nothing about this was satirical.

The second video was Bores looking over a Skylanders poster. Rather, a low quality picture of the poster he printed off DarkSpyro or something. By the way, DarkSpyro is where Chris gets all his Skylanders info, he never mentions it because of his ego, and the one IG thread I saw there mocked him.
What I saw of the video had him mention Gamescom. Holy shit, he does know it exists! After completely ignoring it last year! Oh, of course he doesn't mention any of the other news, only fucking Skylanders. New Tomb Raider "timed" exclusive to Xbox One and the subsequent freakout? Derp. New Silent Hill produced by Hideo Kojima and Guillermo del Toro? Derp.
You know what disturbs me about the Skylanders videos lately? The posters. He plasters Skylanders posters over his old Nintendo Power ones, almost like a subtle "Fuck you old fans, this is my new gig now!" Or Chris is lazy and couldn't be bothered to remove the old posters for these videos... Either way it speaks volumes about who he really wants to watch his videos.

The third video is the full "mini figure" roster for Trap Team. Likely taken from DarkSpyro. I really don't care...
The other day, Bandai revealed they were jumping on the "Toy-to-Game Connectivity" train with a Kamen Rider game for PS3 and Wii U. Think Chris will talk about that? Ha! That would mean actually knowing what Kamen Rider is, and knowing the type of moron Chris is, he would call it a "stupid Power Rangers rip-off".
Instead, Chris is going to talk about.... Well, here's a comment I found in the second video.



....
Minecraft. Minecraft.
He's actually planning Minecraft videos.
You fucking whore.

It's bad enough you outright admit you only do Skylanders videos for views (which is incredibly cynical), but now you're giving in and jumping on the Minecraft bandwagon years after fans have been asking! Especially after you said on your site you "don't get it". (http://theirategamer.com/south-park-teaching-us-how-minecraft-is-viewed/). But now suddenly you want to talk about it. You're a whore, forcing yourself to play something you never care for to get views. You're no better than DSP now.

Also, it seems Chris has hidden his sub count. Now that's cowardly. He knows he's been losing them and he wants to hide that now. I just... I don't even know. Chris better figure out what he really wants or he is beyond internet-dead.

UPDATE: Bores released the Minecraft video. It's... about action figures. Not the game, but the fucking toys. If you didn't believe it before, it's obvious now, Chris cares more for toys than video games. He would rather be Mike Mozart than James Rolfe. His views are gonna plummet hard.
And the effort continues to be dead with really poor audio balancing throughout. He's been doing this for how long?

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Baseball Cards Are Not An Exciting Topic for a Video

Just because Chris has retired the Irate Gamer (and I’m starting to think he confused “retired” with “hiatus”), doesn’t mean I’m done mocking his videos. Far from it.

If you wanted to ask Chris if he truly did retire, Facebook is not the way to go. He’s disabled the ability for friends/fans to post on his timeline. I wonder why…
Or maybe Chris is trying to become an actor now, reporting that he was on the set of a horror movie coming in 2015. It will probably suck. Do you think the other guy has something to do with this? …. *shrugs*

Anywho, there’s a new 80s video up! Huzzah…
Today he’s going to cover… the hell is this? “Looney Tunes Comic Ball Baseball Cards”. Were Looney Tunes and baseball ever a thing? I know Looney Tunes and basketball were, Space Jam exists. Hmm… I’ll do my research when I find out what this is.

“The latest installment of this crazy series!” If by crazy you mean boring, then most certainly.

0:00 - 0:14: We get our intro, and what Chris is referring to is “Comic Ball Cards”. Oooh, those. Yeah those… I remember my dad collected DC Comic themed ones. Odd toy to make a video about…

0:14 - 0:54: Upper Deck was formed, modern baseball stock footage, modern business meeting stock footage (hiding their faces doesn’t hide the fact this footage was made recently)…
“Looney Tunes and baseball” You mean the MLB?
He explains more about them, how they got Chuck Jones to draw the cards… very generic history stuff.
IG tries to exclaim “they’re grrreat“, when Tony the Tiger appears out of nowhere and says it instead. What does this have to do with the subject at hand? ………….
Then IG attacks him. Oh please, Tony the Tiger would end your ass. He can play every sport nigh-perfectly, he is a champion mascot! You can’t even beat most games without cheating.

0:54 - 1:19: He brings up that the best way to read the “story” is to put them in card sleeves in binders, and if you’re missing one then it will “drive you mad”. This is shown by IG turning into the Hulk… smash his table (which is pound his fist once and the table disappears) then suddenly Gleek from the Super Friends appears….. REFERENCES BY THEMSELVES AREN’T JOKES! There is no joke from having Gleek appear out of nowhere!

1:20 - 1:49: He mentions how the cards had the Looney Tune greats, and notes the “longest story” involved Charlie the Dog, which apparently pisses him off. Who the fuck cares?
He’s about to say it’s “almost criminal” but then gets interrupted by Cookie Crook (the second Cookie Crisp mascot) and IG attacks him. Is this the Rule of Three gag for the video? Random cereal mascots interrupt him and he attacks them? Where is the sense in this? Did the cards come in cereal? Because I know they didn’t. … Even the writers of Family Guy would tell Chris to tone it down.

1:50 - 2:42: IG lists off some of his favorite “stories” (yawn), there’s a shot of him feigning enjoyment from reading (I am just baffled really…) and mentions the rare foil cards and how getting them all… makes you “super awesome”. Cue a stupid sketch!
It’s Kid Bores, and he collected all the foil ones. Then IG says Upper Deck released the full set with all the foil cards and then a bunch of other Kid Bores walk saying they got them all too. No word on how doing that diminished the cards value? Oh right, you know nothing about economics.

2:42 - 3:05: He brings up Series 2, and notes how this one combined the Looney Tunes with real MLB players. He does a bad set-up of “how crazy would that be” (the camera is set up so something will appear) and surprisingly Bugs Bunny in a baseball uniform shows up. Holy crap, a random guest that actually has something to do with what he’s talking about! But then he immediately ruins it when Bugs asks “expecting a different bunny?” and the Energizer Bunny appears… Always have to snuff the praise Chris. Like a candle.

3:06 - 3:40: Series 2 fixed issues he had with Series 1 (which he claims to be the issues of “many people” but “citation needed”) and noted that there was a set of puzzle cards. Then we get a joke of him trying to “decipher” one and it’s a picture saying “Ur a Screwball” (with the screwball being a picture). I’ll give this credit in that it’s actually a Looney Tunes joke, not random unrelated garbage.
He mentions that the stories added Nolan Ryan and Reggie Jackson as “an attempt to appeal to kids”. Uhh, aren’t the funny cartoon animals already the thing to appeal to kids? Pretty sure the addition of Ryan and Jackson are there for people that like baseball, of all ages. I think you have that backwards.
Then a bit with Kid Bores getting excited over a Nolan Ryan card, but then asks “Who’s that?” I can’t find the joke, is it supposed to imply kids don’t know who that is? Because if kids were collecting these, chances are they were baseball fans along with Looney  Tunes fans. Maybe this is just how Bores saw it as he probably only cared for the funny cartoon animals?

3:40 - 4:19: IG mentions that Chuck Jones didn’t do the art for Series 2, leading to a scene of Chuck Jones getting thrown out of the Upper Deck offices and the guy calling him a “bum”. Screw you Chris, Chuck Jones was a legend. I’m sure there’s a reason he didn’t do the second set, lack of money, lack of time, other commitments. Upper Deck throwing him out was very likely NOT a reason. Show some respect!
With Series 2’s “artistic makeover” (it looks similar…), he felt it was “lackluster” compare to the first. This causes Bugs to faint, IG to call out for a “doctor in the house” and… Dr. Phil appears. … WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT?!
He then mentions some of the stories that he liked.

4:20 - 5:12: Onto Series 3! He lists some of the MLB stars featured, including Ken Griffey, Sr. and Ken Griffey, Jr. But then he does a terrible joke with Ken Griffey Sophomore, Ken Griffey Freshmen, and Ken Griffey and the Tonight Show Band. Ugggggggggggggggggggh.
Chuck Jones returned for another set, leading to another “Upper Deck throws him out” scene. What do you have against Chuck Jones? This isn’t funny at all.
He mentions the stories aren’t memorable either… zzzzzz *slaps* I’m up!

5:13 - 6:20: There was one last series involving the NFL, IG skips over it as he didn’t like it, then another similar series called “Adventures in Toon World” involving Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes, he mentions how this lead into Space Jam (with footage from the movie), and then a weird scene where he’s watching the movie on a “card”, then tries to sell it to a comic book dealer who finds a “microscopic crease” and only offers $2 dollars. Still bored…

Onto the verdict!
Nostalgic value, pain finding all of them, duplicates… gets a rating of “Mediocre”. Is there something lower than that Chris?

Then the video ends with…. Fuuuuuuck.
The video ends with Lionel Richie crashing through the ceiling and standing on it. You can clearly tell it’s just Bores with Richie’s face imposed over it (would this be considered blackface?) and IG says “If you can’t beat em, join em” and joins Richie on the ceiling as they dance to his notable song “Dancing on the Ceiling”. Then a bunch of other Bores come out, two of which I think are Evil Gamer and Not-Wilson. ……. LUCKILY THERE’S A FAMILY GUY! LUCKY THERE’S A MAN WHO POSITIVELY CAN DO ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US *slaps* Sorry, I lost my sanity there.

An odd mixture of boring and painfully stupid.
I wanted to do more research on these cards, but I really couldn’t find any info. Bores was probably the same as this felt very generic. The most we got was “There were multiple series, Chuck Jones did a couple of them, here are some of my favorites, now have a bunch of random shit”. So really, the history part was just blah and zzzzz
The jokes on the other hand, holy fuck they were annoying. Once again, references by themselves are not jokes. You have to make them work into the narrative or script. Randomly throwing them in there doesn’t automatically make them funny. I’ll at least give props for only doing the “attacking mascot” thing twice. But that’s stretching it thin.

I wonder if Bores will ever address his claim that he’s retired. I mean, if he really was, he would make a video about it on YouTube, not quietly place it on his biography where few people tread.

I want to see Bores try to release this episode on DVD with the Space Jam footage and the Lionel Richie song. Given the use of Power Rangers footage on the last DVD, it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Bores "Retired" the Irate Gamer. Hold On, What?!

As you know, it's been three months since Bores posted the "story arc" finale. A lot of his fans thought that this was the end. Bores clarified that it was "only on break".
On Facebook, he said that it's "not in the schedule" as he does other things.

Well apparently, both of those were lies as his biography tells a different story! Thanks to Neptunia Gamer for finding this out.
http://www.irateentertainment.com/bio.htm

The last passage is all new.
By 2014, Chris has become a popular interviewer covering video game events like E3, turned theirategamer.com into a pop culture news site, and released a groundbreaking documentary called “Pursuit of the Paranormal” where a 90 minute conversation with a spirit was obtained.
So we're just pretending all those other interviews didn't happen? Also, the only video game event you cover is E3, don't claim you cover "events" plural. No, a Skylanders reveal doesn't count, that's just ONE game.
"Pop culture news site" A new site that cares less about news and more about random bullshit Chris finds.
Oh look, the "90 minute conversation" claim again. Quit claiming that when the movie itself is only 54 minutes long!
Currently, Chris has retired the Irate Gamer Show and spends his spare time working on further episodes of History of Video Games, Irate the 80’s and decoding the afterlife through his Pursuit of the Paranormal Case Study.
There it is. He has "retired" the Irate Gamer Show. Right there, clear as crystal, signed, sealed and delivered!

There is a positive. It means less shit from him. But the negatives far outweigh the positives. His already dwindling fanbase is going to plummet into negative numbers, most of his fans only care for the retro reviews so to hear that he's abandoning them only hastens his internet death.
Sure, he has more 80s videos planned, and I know some consider them "tolerable". But let's be real, the annoying sketches, stupid obscure references, and blatant research failure only make it look worse.
And I love how he claims he's doing more History of Video Games. GIVE IT UP CHRIS! Nobody believes you're an expert! Especially the way you suck Activision's dick for a toy based game. Hell, reading your blog shows you care more for toys than you do video games. Why should people believe you?
Speaking of Skylanders, funny how his biography completely neglects to mention that. Hmmmmm.

Either way, if his "retirement" is true, I can only foresee a swift demise. Any possible money won't be enough to recuperate the time taken.
I know his fans read this blog. I know they will be angry once this gets posted. Whatever happens... *sits back* I'll be watching.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Once More Unto the Updates

Hm? Bores uploaded new videos?
*checks* Two Skylanders videos... of course. What was even the point of the second channel?
Funny thing about that, my Facebook informant found a comment from Bores saying that he plans to close the channel as he "has no idea how it works", claiming that he tried to post the E3 videos but they're "stuck in limbo". I have absolutely no idea what this means, and I haven't heard anyone else have this problem.
I think the real answer is that he's too lazy to run two channels and would rather have everything on one easy channel for the "views". It's not like the views are that good though, despite his delusional belief that the Skylanders videos do better than everything else. Is that why your subs dropped again? Why most of the comments are people complaining about this?
Bores clearly doesn't care.
One of the comments on the new videos was from a 14 year old kid that claimed to have been watching him for 7 years. Yeah, a 7 year old watching IG.... where were the parents?
Outside of that, even he was tired of all the Skylanders content. You see what you've done Chris?

Also, Bores claimed something that I'm having trouble believing. He claims he saw more of the game than he was allowed to and the Activision PR was "going crazy" when they saw how far he got. I don't believe that. Why would Activision have an E3 demo with material that the public isn't allowed to see? Normally an E3 demo is composed of material they've prepared, usually 2 or 3 levels. What I think really happened is that Bores was spending too much time playing the demo and wasn't allowing anyone else a turn, hence why the PR "went crazy". Maybe that's why he barely covered any other games, like Smash Bros. 4.

Oh and as for something that's actually IG related? Bores claimed on Facebook that it won't be for a while as he's focusing on 80s and History of Video Games (just kill this series Bores, nobody cares anymore). He also has more ghost crap planned. For who? Who is watching the ghost crap? Are you pandering to the voices in your head?

Now... I have some bad news myself.
I know I'm barely posting here, and I know some of you are screaming for a Redux Recap. Well... there isn't going to be anymore Redux Recaps.
I just don't have the energy or the patience to look back into the past. Every time I think of possibly doing one, I feel sick. I'm sorry, but you'll have to be more patient for new content now. Whenever Bores himself posts new content.

That's it. Hmm, I wonder if there's any good material on his site.
"21 Cat EPIC FAILS Animated Gif Gallery"
....
Well that doesn't scream desperation at all. I thought the bubble he lived in was bad before but DAMN, posting cat GIFs like its something new.

Friday, June 27, 2014

E3 2014 Part 2: Wait, That's It?


Last time on IG’s E3 coverage!
MORE SKYLANDERS!
Sonic Boom looks amazing! Don’t you all agree?
I can’t decide between using my phone or using a microphone… Meh, it’s not like anyone will notice how terrible the sound is when I use my phone.
I don’t know what a Metal Gear Solid is, but I’m going to act like I do! There’s this all new power-up where you use a box!
This Zelda not developed by Nintendo is the right direction! More violence! More boobs! Less puzzles and actually trying to make me think!

And now, the continuation.

June 20th 2014

Yeaaaah, I kind of pulled the trigger on last week’s article. He posted three more videos that day. Oh well.

E3 2014 The Evil Within Video Game Interview

Really? This game? Huh, I guess we’re at the “Shit, I’ve only been talking about kids games! Here’s something matoor to remind you that I too am matoor” point of the videos.
Pretty sure Chris wouldn’t get why people are excited for this game (Shinji Mikami returns to horror!)

Boring ass interview is boring.

E3 2014 Dragon Age: Inquisition Video Game First Look Interview

Wait, this game too? What?
Right off the bat you can tell he has no clue about this series. In the description he says “the new sequel to the first Dragon Age game”. There’s a Dragon Age II Chris, I know people didn’t like it but it’s still there. I haven’t seen anything that says it’s no longer canon.

Interview is all generic shit, pointing out things he “noticed”. Hell, the video’s comments even bring this up, one of them laughing at how Chris clearly knows nothing about this series, as he keeps “noticing” things that were there since the first game!
Surprisingly, Bores actually replied to that comment saying:
“It looked cool so I asked for an interview”
Chris… just because you can do an interview, doesn’t mean you should. Here’s a screenshot in case he tries to deny it.



40 second Skylander stupid thing I don’t care…
I really don’t…

June 21st 2014

E3 2014 Gauntlet Reboot Video Game Interview


Here we go…
A few weeks back, my Facebook informant found a post asking Bores what his most anticipated game for E3 was. He replied with “this cool Gauntlet reboot”. Yeaaaaah… Look Chris, if you want to keep your audience, you have to be way more in tune with modern gaming. Nobody believes you’re a retro gamer, and you’re doing an even worse job as a modern one. Just try and put in effort.

The description has him upset that this is only coming to Steam, and he wants it on consoles. Boo hoo, get a gaming PC! … Which you should have since Shaolin Dave has told me that you played Left 4 Dead on Steam, where you acted like a complete scrub, accusing people of cheating. So why do you not talk about PC gaming more often?
Of course, this means that Bores will not be talking about it when it comes out. Just like 95% of the stuff he covers at E3

Just another boring interview… all about enemies, upgrades… usual boring shit.

E3 2014 Gauntlet Reboot Video Game Level 5 Gameplay

Video opens at his house, he goes on about how he’s a big fan of Gauntlet (yeah yeah), and then brings up his complaint that it’s on Steam.
“I’ve never played Steam, I don’t have a reason to be on Steam”  That’s not what I’ve been told!
“I may have to change my ways just to play Gauntlet” Yeah I don’t see that happening.
Rest is gameplay.

June 23rd 2014

Skipped another day

Another damn Skylander video

This one is eight and a half minutes long, talking about the next game. Uggggh. And I still get the feeling there’s more.

And it’s gone now. What? Yeah, I remember this video being there but now it’s gone… maybe I was seeing things?
Or maybe I wasn’t as I looked back and noticed the 14 minute Skylander video I mentioned in the previous post is gone too. What is going on?

E3 2014 - The Voice of Skylanders, KAOS - Richard Horovitz Interview

… Oh, this is going to hurt.
He spelled his name wrong. It’s Horvitz not Horovitz. THIS ISN’T HARD!
I can’t expect much from this interview, it’s less than 2 minutes long.

What’s weird is that he spells his name correctly in the video. What the hell?
First part of the video is Horvitz doing some of his more popular voices. Zim, Billy, Daggett, and Alpha 5. It’s the funniest thing to ever appear in an IG video.
“How did you get into Skylanders?” “I auditioned” Chris Bores: Asking the hard hitting questions!
“Do they ask you to come back every week?” That’s… not how it works Chris. This isn’t a TV show, it’s an annual video game. It’s likely they bring him in once every few months for new dialogue.

Jeez, this was such a lame interview. What else is there?

E3 2014 - After Hours, Empty Expo Hall

… Really? A pointless video where you walk around the empty expo? What is this shit?

“Rounding up the last of my E3 videos” Wait, it’s over? But you barely covered anything!
What about list videos?

*waits until Friday* Nothing? I… I guess that’s how he ended E3. Not with a bang, but a whimper. An empty hall, a perfect analogy for his content in general.
No mention of Smash 4 at all, nothing on Bayonetta 2, No Man’s Sky, Bloodborne, Zelda Wii U. Hell, nothing on the conferences in general.
No best/worst lists either. Then again, we didn’t get them last year so it seemed unlikely we’d get them this year. Maybe he realized he couldn’t keep his promise of looking at every game featured on them… Probably the same reason he stopped doing the movie lists (that and he kept putting shitty movies high on the list).

Including the two Skylander videos he removed, but not including the articles he only posted on his site, Bores posted 42 E3 videos this year. A new record, only inflated by the fact 14 of those videos were Skylanders related! That’s a third of his coverage! And he wonders why he’s losing views and fans… Oh right, he believes his Skylanders videos do better than all his other stuff. Even though they clearly don’t. Hell, half the comments are saying they’re unsubscribing because they’re tired of the constant Skylanders.
Maybe that’s why he believes they’re “outperforming” his other videos, because all he has left is Skylanders fans. Going by the pitiful views though, that seems like a really REALLY small audience.

By the way, he’s blaming YouTube for his “slow output” in the last few months (according to my Facebook informant). Quit blaming YouTube Chris, the one clearly at fault is you. Either that or it’s just a bunch of excuses, especially since he’s been slow for years, not months.

Well, that’s all for now. Who knows what the future holds.

Friday, June 20, 2014

E3 2014 Part 1: This Isn't Toyfair

It’s the most cynical time of the year! That’s right it’s the E3 season! Or it was since by the time this will go up, E3 will be over.
But that doesn’t mean Bores will stop posting E3 coverage!  Now with his site, he can do E3 coverage in one extra place!

Let’s get started.

June 11th 2014

E3 2014 – Metal Gear Solid 5 – Phantom Pain. Preview and Review

First bit of coverage is surprising, a site-only article about MGSV The Phantom Pain. Why would Bores cover this though? He has shown no signs of being a Metal Gear fan.
“I can’t show any footage from this game” He’s not wrong, gameplay was a closed door event.
“The opening scene showed the main hero Snake on a horse and the horse actually took a poop during the gameplay.” Really? That’s the first thing you bring up? This feels like a metaphor…
Also, something bothers me about the way he says “the main hero Snake”. Maybe it’s due to the horrible atrocities you’ll commit in the game?

“You must use your stealth to take them down which means riding sidesaddle, a new feature, and using a new power up which is a box.” …………… ……. …. Are you fucking kidding me? Did you seriously just call the box a “new power up”. Just… wow. Yeah, it’s clear now that Bores has never played a Metal Gear game in his life! The box has been a staple since the fucking beginning! Almost every Metal Gear game has had it, even Revengeance, and that’s not a stealth game! The only game not to have it was Ground Zeroes, and that’s just an expensive demo!
How can you be so ignorant to gaming culture? The box is one of the most parodied aspects of the Metal Gear franchise, along with its weird dialogue. And why are you calling it a power up? It doesn’t power you up, it just makes you harder to spot. I just… ugh.
“Yep a box. It is cooler than it sounds, trust me.” We know that, we actually fucking played Metal Gear games! Unlike you!

Then he brings up some other stuff like tagging animals and people, sending them back to the base, as well as the ability to build the base up. Just like in Peace Walker, but I really doubt Bores would know what that is.

E3 2014 – Gravity Falls Mystery Shack Shows up in Disney Infinity 2 Toybox

The site article and video description are identical, he just says he’s surprised to see the Mystery Shack in the game and asks about playable characters, with the PR guy not knowing the answer.
The video itself is a load of nothing. It’s only 35 seconds long, and just shows the Mystery Shack in the game. Boring.

E3 2014 Maleficent Character in Disney Infinity 2 – Exclusive ingame footage

“We were not supposed to put this crazy gal on the gamepad for the new Disney Infinity Games, but we tempted fate and you can now see her in-game, wooo!” What does this even mean? Who’s “we”? Why weren’t you supposed to put Maleficent on there? What are you even going on about? Why the “wooo”? You make no sense!
The video is more nothing. He shows the figure, and footage of Maleficent in the game.
“We’re breaking all the rules here!” Wow, such rebel, so lameness

E3 2014 Kirby Wii-U – Video game Thoughts Reviews, Stage 1 Beginner level

Unless the first level in the game is literally called “Beginner Level”, then it should be damn obvious that the first stage is the easy one! Also, it’s not a review! Stop calling these E3 demos reviews!
“I dig Kirby games and the newest one for the Wii-U is a different concept.” It’s not that different, it was already done in Kirby: Canvas Curse for the DS, nine years ago. Wait, it’s seriously been nine years since that game came out? Jeez I feel old.
And Chris, the game actually has a title. It’s not Kirby Wii U, it’s Kirby and the Rainbow Curse. It’s not like last time where Return to Dream Land’s title wasn’t revealed with the game. Take some fucking effort and do your job.

Anyway, the video is Chris saying it looks interesting and different and the rest is him playing the game. That’s not a review Chris.
The comments on the video are awful. Saying it looks like a terrible game for stupid reasons. One saying that it should have Sonic the Hedgehog. Damn kids… this is your audience Chris! Are you happy?

June 13th 2014

What happened Thursday Chris?

E3 2014 Kirby Wii-U Stage 2 Water Level - Video game Thoughts, Review,

No, I didn’t make a mistake. Chris seriously ended the title with a comma.

He opens giving his thoughts, saying he kept looking down a lot. Well yeah, it’s a title that relies on the GamePad to even work.
“If I’m playing a Wii game, I want to look at the screen” IT”S NOT A WII GAME! It’s a Wii U game! You really are no better than the confused grandmothers that believe Mario is on Xbox!
And the rest of the video is gameplay. Next!

E3 2014 Kirby Wii-U Stage 3 Tank Level - Video game Thoughts, Review,
Intro, gameplay… nex-
Oh wait, my informant pointed out something funny. Around 2:40, it sounds like the camera man is talking to his mom on his phone. Really Chris, you left that in? It’s not like people were saying anything important. If you were trying to retain the game’s sounds, then it didn’t matter because we can barely hear them.

E3 2014 Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker Wii-U - Level 1 Video game Thoughts, Review, Gameplay

Oh hey, he actually got the full title in.
*reads the description* “Here is an odd little title by Nintendo” It’s not that odd, people actually wanted it since they played Super Mario 3D World last year.
“I got super dizzy playing this title but others might enjoy it more than I did” Oh no, not this again…

Video starts with him saying he didn’t like it because it made him dizzy. Chris, go see a doctor! This is what, the 11th time you said a game made you dizzy? Ever consider that the problem is you and not the games? Even the top comment (at the time) is telling him to see a doctor. When your fans are noticing this, I think it’s time to schedule an appointment.
Rest is of course, gameplay.

June 14th 2014

E3 2014 Mario Maker Wii-U Level Editor Video Game Review, thoughts, gameplay stages

“I just got done playing the new Mario Maker” New? Was there an old Mario Maker? I don’t mean ROM hacks.
This is a problem Chris has. Instead of actually learning game titles or even knowing if a prior game exists, he just calls everything “the new X”.

He says the game is funny, new enemies… “anything you want in a Mario game”. Not quite… I don’t see any power-ups from Super Mario Bros 3, or Super Mario World. Maybe that will be revealed later but right now…
And the rest is gameplay.

EIGHT. FUCKING. SKYLANDERS. VIDEOS!

Just like the New York event from earlier this year, we got a deluge of Skylanders videos. Each one showing a single new toy, because making one long video would be too much work (or he’s doing the DSP thing and making a bunch of small videos for views, gaming the system)
There is now a Skylander called “Broccoli Guy”. … Activision, try harder! Or rather, Toys for Bob, try harder!
Oh and the intro to each one was recorded at his home.

June 15th 2014

E3 2014 LittleBigPlanet 3 (Multi 4 Player) Ps4 Thoughts Review Play through Game play

The video opens with Chris saying the multiplayer is awesome. Bores talking about multiplayer? What sorcery is this?! He mentions there’s different characters with their own abilities (something one could easily gather from the Sony conference) and… the rest is gameplay. My word that is weak.
Also, “multi 4 player”. You don’t need the four in there.

E3 2014 LittleBigPlanet 3 (Single Player) Ps4 Thoughts Review Play through Game play

Second verse, same as the first. Though I get the feeling this video was supposed to go up first since he mentions he’s a “big fan” of the franchise (yeah yeah) and the multiplayer video has a really weird abrupt opening. Plus, the video order on the site is different. *shrugs* But yeah he doesn’t really say anything. Rest is gameplay.

It’d be nice if he actually provided post-commentary on the gameplay, to further explain his thoughts. Of course, that would require effort and actually trying to figure out why a game is good, instead of just vague terms.

What I don’t get is that all the videos posted between the 13th and 15th didn’t get site articles until the 16th. What does Bores have against posting on weekends?

June 16th 2014

E3 2014 DragonBall Z Xenoverse Interview – Sneak Peak Coming 2015

Aw crap, he’s still doing interviews.
By the way, there’s no “Z” in the title. It’s just “Dragon Ball Xenoverse”. Though they might change it for the West like they did with Dragon Ball Kai. We’ll see what happens.

“Hitting for the Next Gen Consoles.” So this game is part of a baseball team called the Next Gen Consoles? It should just be “Hitting the Next Gen Consoles”
Bores asks about visuals, characters, story, the… ability to fight underwater. I am so sick of Dragon Ball games….
Next!

ANOTHER SKYLANDERS VIDEO

I imagine this won’t be the last one from E3 either…

The next two videos are about Hyrule Warriors. However, they were posted out of order so I’ll go by what he intended (makes things less confusing)

E3 2014 Hyrule Warriors Wii-U Nintendo Demo (Link Legend of Zelda Gameplay)

“This is the newest Legend of Zelda beat em up button mashers.” There are others? Can you show me? Why is “button mashers” plural? Does he not know about Dynasty Warriors?
“Looks like the best Zelda game to come out from Nintendo in quite some time” ………………………………......... …. Give me a minute.
*breathes deeply* Do you… have any idea what the Legend of Zelda is? I mean,  you constantly whine that Nintendo isn’t doing a gritty Zelda, or something like God of War. Have you actually played a Zelda game since A Link to the Past? Or did you just play E3 demos and whined that they weren’t what you wanted? When you meant “gritty”, did you really mean “more action, less adventure/puzzles”? No, the real answer is you don’t know what you want. You open your mouth and let all this verbal garbage come out, trying to convince people that you know what you’re talking about. You try to show people you’re “in with it” by saying “Zelda needs to do this and that” when really you don’t know anything.
And yet here we are, with a major Zelda game that strays completely from the adventure formula and isn’t even developed by Nintendo (it’s developed by Koei Tecmo) and you’re all “best game in quite some time!” Chris…shut the fuck up.

Side-note: I am actually interested in this game, but not as a Zelda game, just another fun Warriors/Musou game.

Anyway, the actual video. Unlike the Skylanders swarm and LBP 3 videos, this one is actually at E3 (not sure why he’s being so inconsistent…)  He’s talking into his phone, apparently as a microphone (I’m being told phones do have apps for that). Was GotGame too cheap to afford a mic?
He says the series needed something to take it to the next level and that “this is a step in the right direction”. IT’S NON-CANON! It’s a spin-off! Watch, Chris is going to get all pissy when the actual Wii U Zelda shows gameplay and it’s similar to all the other Zelda games.
Rest is gameplay.

E3 2014 Hyrule Warriors Wii-U Nintendo Demo (Princess Legend of Zelda Gameplay)


… Princess Legend of Zelda. Princess. Legend. Of. Zelda.
Well, there’s more proof that Chris knows absolutely nothing about this series. He seems to think Zelda is a last name, and her first name is “Legend”.
Seriously, why would you write it like that? It’s clear that he just took the Link title and replaced his name with Princess, not realizing it looks fucking stupid. Does he care? Does he care at all? Is effort dead?

The video has Chris in a completely different location now. Strange…
“You can also play as the Princess” You do know she has a name right? Her name is in the title. You know I just realized, Chris has never actually said “Princess Peach” or “Princess Toadstool” in any of his videos. He just calls her “the Princess”. Why not use their names?
Sorry, the stupidity of all this is hurting my brain.
Rest is gameplay.

June 17th 2014

A Skylanders interview

Pfffffft whatever.
My informant did watch the video. Same bullshit as before. “Will the new characters have new powers?”. Chris Bores: Getting the hard-hitting answers!
For some reason he asks the PR guy what his favorite Skylander is. Why do you care? Do you think the people at home care? As far as they know, he’s just a guy that works for Activision to give interviews. Nobody cares!

By the way, on the day this was posted, I heard news that Activision will be licensing out Skylanders to other products like comic books, coloring books and… cereal. Look forward to several videos of Bores trying all out this crap. The cereal one will be the most detailed.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom Sega Wii-U Level 1 Thoughts and Gameplay

Oh goody, this piece of shit. It looks like a low-grade PS2 game!
However, Chris decides to go against the flow and say the game looks “great”, and that it’s a refreshing take on Sonic. … Did he just completely forget about his Sonic Unleashed review? Sonic Boom is fairly similar to Unleashed’s Werehog levels. Platforming, bashing bad guys… and yet Bores says this is okay? I mean, Unleashed was blah but it looks like fucking S3&K compared to Sonic Boom.
Rest is gameplay.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom Sega Wii-U Level 2 Boss Battle Thoughts and Gameplay

Bores says the boss got really tough. Okay…
I saw a video showcasing the game, and amongst the endless fucking chatter, there were three boss fights. All of them were the same (grab small enemies and throw them at the boss). Real creative guys.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom Sega Wii-U Level 3 Classic Racing Thoughts and Gameplay

He says it’s like classic Sonic and blah blah blah.
Chris, you are like the only person to say this game looks great. Everyone that’s seen videos or even played it just didn’t like it at all. The framerate is dreadful, the camera is beyond janky, people have experienced a surprising amount of glitches (moreso than most E3 demos). Is this going to be like Kinect Star Wars all over again?
Even chuggaaconroy, as positive as he is, said he didn’t enjoy playing this.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom (sonic the hedgehog) Wii-U Interview

Gee, thanks for clarifying it was Sonic the Hedgehog. Otherwise, I would have thought it was a game about the fast food restaurant.

Okay, I don’t think this PR guy knows what he’s talking about. He says they’re taking Sonic back to his “action-adventure roots” and that the past few games have been “action platformers with a focus on speed”. Uh… what? Those are almost all the Sonic games. The early ones were platformers with a focus on speed.
Yeah, that’s enough of that…

14 minute Skylander blah blah blah!

Ugggggggggh.

June 18th 2014

Sonic Boom - Sega - Detailed Look at Action Figure Line, Fall 2014

This is another E3 thing that was only posted at his site, and it just shows the Sonic Boom toyline. Yeah, it’s pretty clear what Sega is trying here… the game reeks of all the licensed game trappings of the past 15 years.

E3 2014 Disney Infinity 2.0 Marvel Battle Pack Sets Interview First Look

I find it strange that you’re so interested in Disney Infinity now since on your site you kept mocking it like “Does anyone even play it?”. Oh right, Marvel characters are in it… that means it’s awesome now. Or something…. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a video about Amiibo yet.

Wait a second, he has an actual microphone now? Then what was up with the videos where he was using his phone? Did GotGame finally spend some extra money to get him one?
Boring interview is boring…

E3 2014 Alien Isolation Video Game SEGA Interview

Another boring interview. I’m sure the game will be fine but I can find better info…
UPDATE: My informant pointed out something I missed.
The PR guys says the action takes place on a space station. Right after that, Bores asks if they'll explore a spaceship or something. The PR guy repeats the answer he gave before. My God, he's still unable to listen to the interviewee. It's been what, 5 years since that GI Joe interview?
His phrasing of the question is bizarre too. "Is the game playable on ships?" ... Uh sure? I guess if you bring your PS4/Xbone onto a ship, then you can play it.

E3 2014 Disney Infinity 2.0 Marvel Toy Box New Features Interview First Look

It still stuns me how word salad-y these titles are.

*reads description* “The girl from Brave” Her name is Merida. You could have taken 5 seconds to look this up.
Another interview, I don’t care.

June 19th 2014

E3 2014 LEGO Batman 3 - WB Interview First Look

And back to the phone… What is going on with the mics?
Boring interview… moving on.

E3 2014 LEGO Batman 3 - WB First Space Level Demo Review, Gameplay

And now he has a mic again. You know, we can tell the difference in audio quality between his shitty phone app, and an actual microphone. Why is he using both?

Blah blah follow-up blah blah new characters blah blah rest is gameplay.

E3 2014 Fantasia Music Evolved Disney Kinect Interview

Does anyone else even care for this game? I mean, I care for the company Harmonix, but I have no interest in this game. Having heard about the layoffs and corporate restructuring, the dream of a new Rock Band is dead.

Seriously? The PR guy is holding and eating an ice cream cone. You’re on camera doing an interview, show a little decency! I know it’s Bores, I know it’s for a site nobody knows or cares for, but that’s not an excuse to be unprofessional.
I don’t care about this game, I don’t care about this interview.

June 20th 2014

E3 2014 Magic the Gathering 2015 - Duels of the Planeswalkers Video Game Interview

Aw crap, another MtG video. I’ll go ask my informants if there’s anything worth mentioning.

Right off the bat he calls it “the new version of Magic the Gathering 15”. How is it new? Shouldn’t it be the “new version of Duels of the Planeswalkers”? Makes no sense…
The PR guy mentions that “deck building is incredibly important to us”, which is bizarre as the previous games didn’t have that.
Apparently, most MtG players don’t even play this version. They play MTG Online or third-party programs. Makes me wonder why Bores even brings it up every E3.

And with that, I believe it is time to post this. I apologize that it’s so long, there was way more content and bullshit than I expected.
See you all next Friday for the continuation.