Saturday, July 18, 2020

Did We Say Crossover? We Really Meant Overhyped Cameo.


This has been a crazy year, that cannot be denied. It almost feels like anything can happen. That includes a crossover between the Angry Video Game Nerd and the Irate Gamer. Something thought impossible. You would think the internet would explode or something?
But in actuality, the internet’s reaction was rather… muted. Outside of IG’s fans, I saw two common reactions. “Irate Gamer is still around?” and “This would have been way better 10 years ago”.

The first statement I see way too often. People are always surprised that Chris still makes videos, and I don’t blame them. He barely gets views, and never shows up on other channels unless he’s Puppet Steve. His various attempts to reinvent himself all failed. A stripped down “calmer” version that he squandered by making multiple videos about Game Genie in Mario, and a podcast that was just so utterly boring.

The second statement… it’s quite true as well. Irate Gamer is completely washed-up, not helped when he disappears for four years (hell people probably didn’t realize he made videos after 2009). The AVGN though… honestly, yeah. I will admit, a lot of James’ recent output hasn’t been the strongest. AVGN has been pretty weak with bafflingly odd moments like the Hell’s Kitchen parody in Jurassic Park: Trespasser (seriously what was the point of that?). Rental Reviews is a slog, even the guest stars don’t really help. He still makes good stuff from time to time, mostly his movie reviews and sometimes AVGN can still work. But it’s clear that he’s being creatively stifled.

Now I want to address the last post. I saw several people freaking out because “I lost all respect”. I didn’t say all, I said “some” respect. I said it because I respect James as a filmmaker and creative mind that is capable of showing immense passion in what he works on. I say that because I believe he’s above lowering himself to an incompetent conspiracy theorist that wouldn’t know a good game if it hit him in the back of the head. Someone that hasn’t had subscriber growth in over half a decade. However, I think a lot of this is connected to one group and going by a vague comment Chris made on Facebook, it’s Screenwave. He mentioned that Justin Silverman “also” worked on the script.

I don’t have a seething hatred for Screenwave like a lot of people seem to have, I just don’t really care for them. However, it’s clear they’re not a good presence for Cinemassacre. They were the ones that put in all these weird thumbnails on the AVGN videos. Although, I spotted a Reddit post from someone that attended their MAGFest panel and seemed to imply that James barely has any input in modern AVGN. He mostly just shows up and reads the lines. That would explain the shift in quality.

Look, I am not “cancelling” the AVGN, but I am merely criticizing him. You can be a fan and criticize something about it. Pure slathering devotion is wrong.

Although, in Chris’ livestream prior to the video’s release, he claims that James not only wanted the crossover, but pushed for Chris to go back to being Irate Gamer. I seriously doubt that. We know Chris lies all the time, and this could be another one. A more likely scenario is that YouTube’s new COPPA-approved policies are seriously hurting his Puppet Steve paychecks, and nobody takes his ghost work seriously, so he once again returns to the one thing that made him some money. The Irate Gamer. Only this time, he’s full “I am AVGN 2.0”.

Though, I must ask. Why Dick Tracy? Why a game that the Nerd already covered years ago, and is considered by fans to be a classic episode? Why not cover a game that neither of you have looked at? Like Hudson Hawk on NES, or Pagemaster on SNES, or Fantasia on Genesis? All movie tie-ins, all garbage, and it’s something new.

Whatever the case, this video is probably going to be dumb as hell. Let’s begin!
Dick Tracy? Second billing in the title. IRATE GAMER vs AVGN Epic Crossover! - Dick Tracy NES Video Game Review
A title that screams “CLICK MEEEEE”

We open on Avengers Endgame footage again, because apparently that’s going to be a theme.
Then it turns into a trailer. “In a world, where bad video games need reviewing” Well that didn’t take long to turn into cringe…
More edited Avengers (or Captain Marvel) footage, but with Armake21 and Silent Rob in place of Spider-Man and Shuri. Then we see a Days of Future Past style image of all the old “angreh” reviewers except two crossed out.

Couple things to note. It was brought to my attention on Kiwi Farms that the image he used for UrinatingTree (here and in Ghostbusters) is not actually him. It’s FivePoints, another sports commentator that often does collabs with UT. Why Chris could not take the time to find a picture of him I don’t know. The other thing to note is the use of Hellsing920. Kind of poor taste since Emer is actually dead. He passed away three years ago. Also, he’s barely remembered for his game reviews, he’s remembered more for his rants and movie “reviews”. 

By the way, this was recycled from the trailer he posted prior to this. Is this going to be the pre-theme song intro going forward? Or just for this "event"?

Theme song plays. The “Inspired by AVGN” part is much more in your face now (with an image of the Nerd popping up too).

We open on Chris’ basement door as he enters wearing a yellow Dick Tracy coat, but no hat. Come on, you couldn’t splurge for a hat for this “epic” crossover? He runs around his basement with an NES Zapper and points it at some criminals who turn out to be… King Hippo and Eggplant Wizard. Captain N references? Seriously? Is he purposely giving into the theory that he only knows about games from shitty cartoons?
“Irate Tracy” shoots them after they pull out rocket launchers (because sure), finds out they were “bootlegging NES games” (because sure) and he picks up Dick Tracy. Then he tells “the boys” to clean up. Said boy being Ronnie the Skeleton. Still just as stereotypical and unfunny as ever. Yet the fans love him for some reason.

Chris starts what he referred to as the “I Rate the 80s” segment. With a lot of movie footage. Who owns Dick Tracy? *checks* Buena Vis- oh that’s Disney. Soooo Chris clearly has no plan to release this on DVD does he? Avengers footage, Dick Tracy footage, Disney would eviscerate him.
He claims the timing is why it did well because it came out after Batman 1989 (with Batman footage) and people wanted superhero movies, and all we had was the declining Superman series (with footage of Superman III). Boy, you’re just asking to be struck down. By the way, there were others. Supergirl, Red Sonja, Howard the Duck. They sucked, but they existed.
He reiterates that people really wanted comic book movies. Strange since this is a newspaper comic, not a comic book. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to do this next year for Dick Tracy’s 90th anniversary?
Chris likes that the movie doesn’t have just one villain, but 20. “How could you go wrong with that?” I know two movies featuring a wall-crawler that show exactly how. Also, does this really count as having 20 different villains when most of them have the characterization of a paperweight?

“It’s like the ultimate Dick Tracy fan’s wet dream come true, only a lot less stickier” I was right! His thing is going to be semen jokes. Yaaaaaaay… “Less stickier” is grammatically incorrect by the way.

Villains were cool, movie looked great, Madonna sucks in it, this line
“She’s the hot bombshell? I wouldn’t bang her with Mega Man’s dick!” …….. Wow. Moving on.
It’s padding time! Chris proceeds to list off the villains. He could have stopped after the first three since at least he names the actors there. Though he ends it referencing the AVGN. Saying he has a “Shit Pickle eating grin”. This is gonna be looong video isn’t it? This joke would have worked if there really was a Dick Tracy villain called “The Nerd”.

Then he starts talking about merch. Spends a long time on a McDonalds scratch-off ticket. What’s the point of this? Then he rips up the ticket because the villain on it wasn’t in the movie. Why does the “Irate” Gamer feel more like the Petty Gamer?
Then he starts gushing over a 2-way wristwatch toy he had as a kid. It goes on a bit. Then he ends it making a random slam towards the Nostalgia Critic over his terrible “tribute” to Pink Floyd. What does that have to do with anything? He actually answers in the comments. Saying “He made a cheap shot towards me so I’m doing the same”. Dude, if you were going to go after EVERYONE that made a cheap shot at you, we would be here for decades.

Nearly 6 minutes in, he gets to the game.
“Now I hate to dust this bag of ass-pixels off” Creative?
A big reason he’s (allegedly) revisiting the game is that this month is the 30th anniversary of the movie. … That was last month. June 15th, 1990. Add that to the list of instances where Chris clearly doesn’t get how time works.

He starts the game, title screen reminds him of the movie, asks if kids would prefer shootouts or paperwork. Wonder where this is leading…
He starts the game, and a Final Fantasy sound effect plays. Stop doing that.
So, he complains about the various detective things you do like looking at mugshots and interrogating. Why is that a problem? He is a detective. Dick is another word for detective. Man, Chris would really hate L.A. Noire “I actually have to solve crimes? Why can’t I be like a real cop and just beat black people?!”

He gets to the driving. Complains that he did too much in Ghostbusters (not really the same but whatever).
I notice that he gets hit with a bullet, but his health doesn’t go down. GAME GENIE USE! Just can’t help himself can he. I also notice he’s using an emulator (it’s too clean).
“The controls are so fucker-fickle wonky” Why is it when Chris tries to sound creative with his cursing, it comes off as weirdly tryhard or childish?
More bad driving, complains the map is too big, comparing it to the final level from The Legend of Zelda, referring to it as a “Death Mountain shitty titty-twister”. My head hurts…
He brings up the snipers, and this time he’s losing health when he gets hit. HMMM SUSPICIOUS!

He compares the part where you leave the car to TMNT and starts playing the music because he thinks we’re idiots. He also notes how you can’t leave the screen.  

“Well, at least…” Stop! Whatever you’re going to finish this sentence with, it’s going to show up in the game. “… there’s none of those stupid street sweepers around”. One appears, kills him, and the death music from TMNT plays. It’s been four years. You haven’t made an Irate Gamer video in all that time. You had time to work on improving your writing and find out better jokes to tell. But you didn’t do that. Instead, you’re sticking with the same easily telegraphed Nickelodeon jokes that made you a mockery of everyone in 2009! What are you doing? How can you continue to be such a hack?

Anyway, he mentions the existence of the Genesis game (while also calling it the Mega Drive because ME GAMER) and is upset because that’s the Dick Tracy game he wanted.
“So where was this game all my life when the NES ended up with this crappy video game cartridge of cocks!” Effort?

He starts the first case, explains the rules, mentions how Breathless Mahoney wants him, randomly mentions Toad from Super Mario Bros, and then suddenly he appears to say the “Princess is in another castle” message. IG calls him a “cock-blocker” which I guess shocks Toad because his eyes widen. … WHAT’S THE JOKE?! I don’t get it.
At least he got Toad’s name right. He probably did before and I don’t remember.

Gets the objective, looong sequence of him driving (gotta get to 25 somehow).
Arrives to the building, is happy there’s side-scrolling action, overacts, dies, death montage, annoying yell at the camera. Not even halfway.
Mentions how there’s no continues, said the game scarred him, the game is unfair, references Silver Surfer and shows a death montage of that game. Holy shit, he’s really doing anything he can to pad this video out. Why?
And even more Dick Tracy death montage! IG hits himself with the controller and gets a “Game Over” in real life. I feel like this is another joke he’s done a lot…

He starts to complain about the aspect of losing health if you shoot an unarmed man. A mechanic that makes sense but could have been better implemented if this game wasn’t so poorly made. My thoughts of course, he doesn’t go that in-depth.
He appreciates the effort, but then makes some weird shit joke. Whatever…
A sort of montage as he punches and shoots… I’m bored. He dies. He goes “GAME OVER?” like this is the first time it happened. Then a bunch of words that start with D because alliteration. My frown is firmly down.

Shows off the Super Punch, adds some pointless sounds, finds the bad guy, and uses his patented green circle on the next objective. Is he doing this on purpose now?
Goes to the pier, mentions how the water will kick you out of the level, failure montage, “funny” faces, then he references Castlevania and has one of the fishmen from the game show up. That’s not a joke Chris. Just having random sprites appear is not a joke.

He gets the clue, doesn’t understand it and seems stuck. Then go to the internet. No, it’s just lead-in for another dumb bit where he uses the Dick Tracy watch mentioned earlier to contact the Chief. The Chief (obviously Bores) says he’ll patch him in with an expert that played the game before. And so, after some Zelda music… the Angry Video Game Nerd appears. 13 minutes and 49 seconds into this video. I don’t think you understand how crossovers work Chris. Normally, both hosts meet at the beginning. Not take half the video to get there. Wait… don’t tell me this isn’t actually a crossover. Could it be a glorified cameo?

Pretty much, because the Nerd even calls it a cameo. Something tells me wires were crossed about this.
Nerd says they should unite to fight against shitty games, IG asks if it’s like a “lame AVGN/Nostalgia Critic crossover”, Nerd says “no this is even lamer” as he just pops in. I mean, at least Doug and James filmed stuff together. This is a phoned in recorded cameo. Yes, I know, the pandemic, but still. 

Anyway, bunch of curse words, IG mentions Shit Pickle again, and he shows up on IG’s side. Okay, is Shit Pickle the only thing that Chris remembers about the AVGN? Because he referenced it twice in this video and referenced it in the last video. Does he think it’s a popular character with fans? Maybe the old ones, but I barely see anyone talk about it now. Frankly, this feels like this possible “crossover” was written in 2009 and was only unearthed now. Long after the expiration date. Hmm…

So, the two have an “I rather” contest where they try to out-vulgar each other, then they scream and the screen explodes, random Shit Pickle appearance again… This is not epic. This is lame. James sounds okay, kind of phoned in, like he doesn’t want to be there. Chris of course sounds horribly forced, but that’s always the case.
After the pointless explosion, IG calls out the Nerd for not even finishing the game the first time, so the two decide to have a race to see who can beat it first. IG hangs up but does a crooked jaw scream when he realizes that the Nerd never told him what to do. Comedy?

He leaves the pier, automatically enters a car chase, randomly references Mortal Kombat (because of course) and shoots down the car to interrogate Shoulders. Then it cuts to Chris standing next to the sprite of Shoulders as he interrogates him. Oh, that’s embarrassing.
Gets the info, goes to the next stage, gets the clue, arrests Numbers, refers to him as a “cock-master general”. Isn’t that the name of a gay porn star? Or a dominatrix?

He starts the second case and starts harping on Mahoney’s innuendos and how it “teeters the line between kids game and X-rated fantasy”. Then he comments “if you want it that bad, I’ll meet you in the bathroom”. Urgh, I hate pervy Bores. Far from the first time we’ve seen him.
He goes to the next location, makes it through, meets Lips Manlis, tries to arrest him even though he doesn’t have evidence WHY? This is the second case! This is a mistake I expect from the first! … This is going to be a joke isn’t it?

Gets the info, goes to the next place, gets the clue, makes a joke about his fingers bleeding with red food coloring, gets to the next bad guy, then the next, finally gets the last clue that Lips Manlis did do it. Then he goes on an angry rant because it was all a wild goose chase. Yeah, that’s how law works. You can’t just arrest someone without proof (even if it happens all the time), you need evidence. This is so dumb.
“Can you give man option to kill this guy?” An option will appear. *it does* Yep, even says “Kill this fuck”. Final Fantasy sound effect too. Only five minutes left.
 Wait, was the whole point of this part to show the scene where Big Boy kills Lips Manlis and have Bores react to it? I’m trying to find the humor here and I can’t.

He checks in on the AVGN who is just finishing up the first case. Well yeah, you had a head start.
He breezes through the third case, goes over the fourth case and how it doesn’t give you much of a clue, he gets a “lucky guess”, mentions “boner-biting dogs” (urgh), gets a clue leading to The Brow, goes to arrest him and fails. Playing the Price is Right horns and everything. All because he didn’t get the second clue.

He moves on to the fifth and final case. Makes a comment about how nobody has made this far, then shows some more obvious Game Genie use when he runs into a car and doesn’t lose health. Frankly, I imagine he’s been using Game Genie the whole time after the AVGN bit since he's rushing through everything.
Makes a comment about the piers that seems… weirdly late. Finds all the clues. Brings up how finding Big Boy is hard and “kids had a hard time back then”. Yeah that implies kids played this past the first level, and didn’t you just say “nobody has made it this far”?
He claims the only way to know is a “cutscene” from the movie where Big Boy is at The Club Ritz. IG says “ass face”, resulting in a dumb bit where Little Face shows up and Chris shows an edited “Ass Face” version of him. Classy… Isn’t Ass Face a character in Preacher? Rather, Arseface because Cassidy is Irish. Sorry, getting off-topic.
He complains how the game lacks movie locations, yet somehow the final level is movie accurate. Says “Dick Face” and an edited sprite with a dick on his face shows up. I… I don’t even know anymore. This is just gross now.

Annnyway, IG goes through the final level, beats Big Boy, and gets ready to brag to the Nerd about it. However, the Nerd already beat it and posted a video about it. IG looks at the comments, two of which call IG a copycat, then one from Channel Awesome about how he did a 133-minute review on the Dick Tracy Wrist Watch. You know, it’s pretty clear that Chris knows NOTHING about the Nostalgia Critic outside of his terrible video on The Wall. There’s sooo much to make fun of with him, and yet he tells the same joke twice. Kind of shows how Chris’ reference pools are about as shallow as The Last of Us II’s themes.

The video ends with IG going “story of my life” and declaring “THIS ISN’T OVER NERD” as it erupts into the Avengers theme (oh please) as we get “Irate Gamer vs AVGN” logos. Then the Nerd reveals that he used the “Beat the Game Button” from his Star Wars review. Weird joke to reference.

…. That was it? That was lame. Like, super lame. There was nothing hype about this. Nothing funny, nothing entertaining, it was so boring. The title’s a lie, there was no crossover. It was just a glorified cameo.
As for the review, it was just more of the same we’ve heard from anyone else talk about Dick Tracy. Terrible driving controls, annoying gunplay, and the unfair disadvantage of having only one life and no continues. Even the “I Rate the 80s” segment was just Chris gushing over toys. He could have at least brought up the comic strip.

Really though, people are right. This “crossover” was several years too late, and as I suspected it was nothing special at all. I do wonder how much of this was Screenwave dangling the little Nerd puppet on a string. I've even seen people speculate that James had no input in writing this. Considering Chris' comment about Justin Silverman "helping", I can believe that.
And going by the ending and a Facebook post he made, this isn’t the end of it. The next video, whenever the hell that will be, will likely “continue” this.

Going by two episodes, it seems the new format will be a mini “I Rate the 80s” style video since he won’t bother to make those again, then a really long ass review of a game with little content or substance, mixed with comments about dicks, sperm and sometimes feces. It kind of feels like Chris hasn’t really learned anything, and is only doubling down on old practices that most have moved on from.

Frankly, I don’t see how Chris is suddenly “forgiven” because the two did a crossover. The man still has way more problems outside of being a rip-off. Hell, that’s loooow on the totem pole. I’ve gone over this again and again and it feels like nobody listens. He flagged a video as recently as 2018! He’s still the same jackass he’s always been. In fact, he’s even admitted to purposely misleading info very recently. 

Reader Thomas McClane called out some things that Chris never apologized for, including his comments on JewWario, the E-Begging “spoof” and claiming the Outnerd the Nerd contest was rigged. Chris actually responded, and you can see the exchange here: https://imgur.com/a/BC7aSbO

He cites “religion” for his comments about Justin (continuing to double down), claims the E-Begging spoof was never meant to be “vemom” and only satire (didn’t do a good job of that), but the most damning thing is that the claims that the contest was rigged was “secondhand info” from the people that told him to enter it. So, you knew the information wasn’t trustworthy or verifiable, but you still put it in your video like it was factual. Do you not see the problem with that Chris? Without credible verification it’s nothing but slander. Your whole video continues to fall apart even further. Of course, Chris could just be trying to cover his ass after getting called out for his lies.

I guess that’s everything I want to mention for now. I’ll see you for whatever’s next. Not sure if it will be more of this *pfft* “crossover”, or Chris releasing some incoherent video on how the lizard people have infiltrated NBC or something. Later!

EDIT: Actually got an interesting update. My informant spotted this new post from Chris on Facebook.
Basically, Chris wants to ramp up production and wants a team to work with. About time. It always baffled me that he would reject outside help for so long. That's some actual maturity. Just one question... what are you going to pay them with? 

Granted, I don't fully know his financial situation outside of the internet, but looking at everything I question where the money comes from. He has no Patreon, there's no way in hell that the new videos can be monetized (movie clips and cursing), Puppet Steve has likely taken a big hit not only due to COPPA but any potential adpocalypses waiting in the winds, and I can't imagine his multiple stores are big merchandise movers. Plus, I don't think he gets as many "ghost cleansings" as he claims.
We know from the constant Steve videos that he likely works at home, and even if he did work outside the house, the pandemic has likely furloughed him. So... what are you going to pay these people with Chris? I better not hear horror stories about offering "exposure" and "volunteer work".

Friday, July 17, 2020

We hit 200 comments in the last post

Because of the way Blogger works, any post with over 200 comments will "vanish" (when really they're just behind a "load more" section). Because people are starting to spam, I'll open a clean page for you.

I actually haven't really started the post honestly. I've been busy, and it's hard to find the motivation to do it. It's 25 minutes long! That's a lot of Bores to handle. I'm only human.
But I'll get it done. Initial impressions sound like Chris overhyped it once again.

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

An AVGN crossover is actually happening

The last month or so Chris has been going on and on about his next review. Making a big deal over the trailer for it.

So, what has this been leading to? A review of Dick Tracy on NES, that is also a crossover with the Angry Video Game Nerd.
I gotta say... James I have lost some respect for you. Debasing yourself to this? I know YouTube is utter shit now, but to give this idiot the time of day? Not to mention, it's a game he already reviewed. I know he's done re-reviews in the past, but this just seems pointless.

I don't think this makes them "friends", which a whole lot of his "fans" have been screaming at critics. "YOU CAN'T MAKE FUN OF IRATE GAMER! HE'S FRIENDS WITH AVGN NOW!"
If you think that's going to stop people, then clearly you're not paying attention. There is FAR FAR more to Irate Gamer than just his plagiarism.

He can't act, he's not funny, he has no charm, no wit, he barely knows anything about the games he's talking about, he cheats constantly, he false-flagged several videos that were critical of him and never apologized for it, and frankly I don't see how you can respect him when he doesn't respect you. He never tells you about his retirements until it's too late, he goes months and months without any updates, and he pretends that he doesn't work on Puppet Steve rather than Irate Gamer. Find someone that actually respects you. Not some washed up idiot gasping for the last bit of 2008 era fame.
Also, dude's nuts. Did you see that Ghost Doctor shit? He is not a well-adjusted person. He needs to be called out for spewing garbage.

Also, this trailer was garbage for something so "epic". Edited Marvel Cinematic Universe footage with old Irate Gamer footage following it.

It's set to come out "Summer" so... we'll see.

Seriously James, why? I know Nostalgia Critic is garbage now, but this is not the right direction. Especially when he threw you under the bus with that Opening Up video.

Saturday, May 16, 2020

The Fourth Comeback. I Think... I've Lost Count.

The day has finally arrived. After the failure of Chris Neo and GeekTime TNG, Bores realized that there is only one thing he can do for people to take him “seriously”. Clearly ghosts were not going to cut it, so it meant bringing back the Irate Gamer. For at least one video, or so he claims. He changed his Etsy store to be about Irate Gamer (because apparently he had an Etsy store, and I know it’s old because there’s reviews from 2015) and changed his YouTube banner and channel name to be Irate Gamer related. He also changed his icon on YouTube and Facebook into something... horrifying.


So yeah, I don’t think this is going to just be a “one-time deal”. We shall see!

The Irate Gamer’s big comeback will be about Ghostbusters on NES. Because that hasn’t been talked about to death. Seriously, there’s hundreds of terrible NES games, as well as terrible games on other consoles. Do something that isn’t as well known. Then again, that likely won’t bring in the views.
The whole thing is 20 minutes long, so let’s get to it! Screw the timestamps.

Bringing back the theme song. Maybe after this Chris will pay to get a real theme made and not just use a royalty free track? Pffft probably not.
Hold on. When it shows the credit “Starring Chris Bores”, a smaller credit saying “Inspired by AVGN” shows up. Really? You’re doing this now? 13 years after everyone called you a joke? It didn’t work for Game Dude, and it won’t work for you.

The episode proper opens recapping the ending to the Duck Hunt video, with Bores uppercutting the dog into the Mortal Kombat Pit. Then it cuts back to his house where he mounted the dog’s head on his wall like a hunter. Classy…
Also, it’s clear he’s no longer on his old set, but he still uses the old house picture he used from the pre-retirement days. You’re not fooling anyone.
He decides to play Zelda II but doesn’t have the manual. You don’t need the instructions for that game, it’s really easy to figure out (just hard to get through). Also, he says “instruction manual” but he’s holding issues of Nintendo Power. Is the joke that Nintendo Power is like a manual but tells you the answers?
“Oh well, this game can’t be that hard right?” He says as it fades to black and we get an Avengers: Endgame reference. The “Five Years Later” transition.
Wait, it's only been four years since the Duck Hunt review. Something is wrong here...

Hold on, this is literally just footage from the movie. Slightly edited to be gaming related as the “Where do we go, now that they’re gone?” poster is edited to have an NES controller.
Then we see Scott Lang. Really Chris? You’re going to be this lazy?
Then we see edited missing posters of really old YouTube “angry” game reviewers. Armake21, Jedite1, Spoony (he’s still around, he’s just a depressed mess that cries on Twitter all day), UrinatingTree (also still around, he does sports commentary instead), Sly Dog Studios (I don’t think he was ever that type of reviewer), and PlayItBogart (he, or rather she, is still around, as a drag queen streamer)

Then a newspaper stating that the Angry Video Game Nerd is searching for the missing reviewers. Doubtful. If anything, he’ll just work with current content creators like Scott the Woz or Arlo or Matt McMuscles. Too bad Chris’ head is too deep in the sand to know about NEW creators.
Then it shows IG’s missing poster, which is Chris’ head super-imposed on the adult baby picture shown on his Enyclopedia Dramatica page. … Is this Chris’ attempt at being self-aware? After that ghost video, I didn’t think he was capable of that.

It cuts to Chris fighting Dark Link and beating him. “It took me four years to beat that?!” Four years? But earlier it said five years. Were you so desperate to make an Avengers reference that you didn’t take continuity into account? Also, how shit are you to take four years to beat Zelda II? You’re not a child. Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t rely on Game Genie since you always did that. If that’s your “in-universe” excuse for not making anything for four years, that’s really damn lame.

Because the cartridge is gold, he gives the game a “golden shower”. So, you’re just going to double down on being an AVGN clone? Right down to the toilet humor? I think he’s given up.

As that’s happening, the Ghostbusters NES cartridge begins moving and falls off the shelf. But then in the next shot it’s floating. Chris says “no” only to get hit by it. More of this huh? After some more floating, sudden Ernie Hudson cameo! It turns out I was right, in that this was literally phoned in. In fact, all Chris did was go to Cameo.com and ordered a message for $135 and stuck it into his video. You can tell because he mentions Oz and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, which he does in all his Cameo.com videos. So yeah, this “big deal” Chris made? Not a big deal if you have $135 to spare. I guess anything to add some legitimacy.
In fact, you too can get Ernie Hudson in your video if you go to this link: https://www.cameo.com/kirbyzook
Ernie asks him to review the game. He doesn’t even say NES, so if I were in that spot, I would exploit a loophole review the 2009 game.

“Ghostbusters is one of my favorite movies from the 1980’s” *looks at your entire stupid ghost hunting career* You don’t say.
He explains the movie… shows some footage. Hope he’s not planning to put this on a DVD. Sony and Disney would end him.
Says the game sucks, “pixelated nightmare”, blah blah blah.
Before he can talk about the game, he has to go back to 1984 to talk about the Atari version, but before he do that, he has to go back to 1983 to talk about the movie when it was greenlit. Wait, why? What does that have to do with the game?

So, he talks about how the movie’s production was rushed, and how the Atari game’s production was also rushed. Only given six weeks. Comparing it to how E.T. suffered the same fate. For some reason when he shows E.T. footage, he plays the Pac-Man death sound. Still doing random unrelated game sounds I see.
Okay what did any of that have to do with this? I know the NES game is a remake of the Atari game, but you didn’t have to bring up the movie’s production. Feels like Chris really wanted that 20 minute runtime so he padded it out. Just like with Puppet Steve.

Now he starts looking at the Atari 2600 game. Isn’t this supposed to be about the NES game?
He complains about the shop menu, the amount of driving, calls the Ecto-1 in game a “dick” (he really is acting more like Game Dude now), and he’s annoyed at the idea at how this was almost a pure driving game. Chris, you have to consider limitations at the time. There were only a few things you could do on Atari. Then he plays another movie clip (all aboard the demonetization express).
By the way, it wasn’t a “Ghostbusters driving game”. It was another concept called Car Wars that they turned into a Ghostbusters game. Happens all the time in gaming. Like how Arc Hound became Contra Force, or an original game from Good-Feel starring Prince Fluff (Fluff’s Yarn) became Kirby’s Epic Yarn.

Then onto 1988 which “coincidentally” was the year Nintendo Power started. … Okay what’s the point of bringing that up? Did you just want to show off that you have the first issue?
“Nintendo was gaining steam” The NES has been on store shelves for three years now. Fairly sure they’ve been “gaining” for a while. Sorry, but this just feels weirdly written.
“The Nintendo was gaining popularity” Yeah that’s what you already said. Wouldn't be Bores without some redundancy...
He comments that you can’t polish a turd, then brings up Zelda II again. This would be more effective if we actually watched you play it, and not just beat the final boss and then urinate on it. At least the Nerd would show off various problems with a game before he would take a dump on it.

7 minutes 10 seconds in, he finally gets to the game. I’m getting Goonies II flashbacks.
“We’re going to have to exorcise the shit out of this satanic hellspawn of a game” HIRE ME TOLEDO! I CAN CLEANSE YOUR HOMES!
Then he goes on about how it’s nothing like the movie. Listing aspects of it like characters and scenes. Yes, we know, it’s nothing like the movie. That’s nothing new when it comes to crappy adaptations.
He brings up there’s a gas station now. Then he gives up. Then the cartridge comes back and hits him again. This time covering him in slime because reference. “Either that or he jizzed on me” … Ew. If your semen is green, then you have a problem.

Plays another movie clip…
Brings up how you have to buy equipment. Then he “foreshadows” that the shopping mechanic lead to “childhood trauma that lasted over 20 years”. Over 20 years? Doesn’t that indicate you’ve played this in the late 90s? You weren’t a kid in the late 90s. Are you trying to pretend that you’re younger than you really are? Did you mean to say over 30 years? Because this game is 32 years old.

Starts driving… pointlessly inserts Spyhunter. “GET IT BECAUSE I REVIEWED IT AT ONE POINT!”
Gets to the shop… buys stuff… tries again but needs a trap, and he’s angry because he didn’t see a trap. Then he pauses to “paint a picture”, as in describe an experience. Oh jeez…
How at the time, there were only a handful of NES games. Not true. At time of the game’s release, there were at least 130 NES games. That is not a handful. Also, that debunks The Wizard where Lucas bragged about having “all 97 NES games” since there were way more when that movie came out.
He wants people to picture 10-year-old Chris renting the game, buying the beam, and not being able to progress because he didn’t buy the trap. So, he assumed it’s a “scavenger hunt” game like Castlevania II. Interesting comparison because Simon’s Quest came out AFTER Ghostbusters. Unless he rented this after but I’m just going by release dates and his age…
Anyway, he tries to find it, he can’t, and his weekend was ruined. So years later when he starts Irate Gamer, he looks online to see how to find it. Turns he didn’t press down at the bottom of the shop and that’s where the trap was. Kind of goes to show how incompetent of a gamer he was when he didn’t try that. Assuming this story is even true and he’s not just making something up.

So, he’s upset that there was a second page, then makes his face and voice all demonic. You know Chris, you criticize Anderson Cooper and other newscasters of making demonic faces you could never make, and yet here you are descending your jaw like you’re a goddamn Xenomorph. Something you want to tell us?
Then he starts yelling at the game, how he hates the game’s family, the Atari version, the sequel, then brings up the 2016 reboot. Let it go Chris.
He’s really salty about the second page. Angry that they put the Ghost Vacuum on the first page instead (or Ghost Horn as he calls it because he can’t read). He also cries that he doesn’t know what the vacuum does. You could look it up. Go on the internet and find out the truth. It’s not 1988 anymore.
“20 damn years!” Don’t you mean 30? Chris, if you rented this at 10, then it would have been 1988 or 89. That’s 30 years ago. Are you pretending you’re not a 42-year-old boomer?

He finally moves on from that and says, “I’m so happy I’m about to bust my nut all over these ghosts”. Is your strategy to be AVGN but rather than talk about poop you talk about cum? I don’t think that will work.
He gets to the ghost capturing segment. “We have new screens to look at and they are glorious” You need to work on your sarcasm.
Brings up that you can’t cross the streams, then plays the movie clip. Then complains that there’s still no ballroom scene. Let it go.

He goes over the game some more, mentions the Zuul building. What, no rant on movie accuracy?
Then apparently if you just sit there and let the PK meter rise to 9000, you can enter automatically. Complaining that they would program this. Well, you need money to buy upgrades for the stair sequence. It would help.
“Would have been nice to know about this 30 years ago” 30! There you go! Why did you keep saying 20 earlier? Did you do this in one take and thought “Eh, nobody will notice”.

He reaches the building and gets upset that Winston isn’t in the line-up. Using this as an excuse to edit in his Ernie video next to the three in-game Busters.
He then slowly explains that moving requires pressing the A button multiple times. Rather than say it one sentence, he does whole sequence where he has to press it twice to show you only move one step. Gotta get to 20 minutes!
More about the stairs, bringing up the same points others have… gets annoyed that this is movie accurate and yet the ghosts in the final boss aren’t green. Are those meant to be Slimer?
“Check out this kill screen” That’s not a kill screen Chris. A kill screen is when you reach the point of an Arcade game (or basically a game that doesn’t end) where the software can’t take it anymore and does something to crash the game. Like the 256th map in Pac-Man being a glitchy mess, or the 117th screen of Donkey Kong where the timer only lasts four seconds or getting to Round 100 in Duck Hunt and the ducks become impossible to hit. What you’re thinking is a “game over screen”. Very different.
Anyway, the “kill screen” shows text that, while not as badly translated as the ending, could still use some improvement. He’s angry because they wouldn’t let him save the city.
“If you took more than six weeks to produce this game” You’re thinking of the Atari version Chris. I know this is based on that but come on don’t be stupid.

He says he would want to Game Genie his way to the top, but people will complain because “AVGN did that”. Why would that stop you? Also, why do you think mentioning him now will help you?
Instead he’s going to “montage” his way to the top. While The Final Countdown plays. But it’s stopped short when he gets a joke copyright claim. So he’s smart enough to know about that, but still includes movie footage, and TV show footage on his DVD. His selective ignorance is astonishing.
Instead he transitions, while mentioning AVGN again. Then he yells at the audience “Are you happy? No AVGN copying. No Shit Pickle” Shit Pickle? What are you talking about? Are you referring to people that called your Maplestory character a copy of Shit Pickle? Even back then, that was a stretch. Because Tony was so stupid that it could only come from your empty head.
Then for no reason he has a cut-out of the AVGN appear doing the Mortal Kombat “toasty”. … Okay?

He gets to the final boss, talks about what’s there, then gets confused that it’s called the Zuul building when the boss is Gozer. Oh, so now you talk about that. Why didn’t you realize that earlier?
Then he does the AVGN toasty thing again. For literally no reason. That better not be a fucking running gag…
He wonders how to beat the boss, then another recorded video from Ernie Hudson encourages him. He plays another movie clip. Okay…
He beats Gozer, gets the crappy ending. Of course, he must complain about the poorly translated sentences. Big talk coming from the guy that misspelled “nostalgia” in your comeback trailer.

“Can I ever get an ending that’s satisfying?” Yes. Play something that’s not an NES game, or play an RPG. “Especially with a game as iconic as Ghostbusters” You mean franchise, right? Because Ghostbusters games aren’t “iconic”. Only like two of them are any good.
Then we get more Ernie Hudson recording to close out the video. Clearly, $135 well spent.

That was the big comeback? … That was lame.
It wasn’t the worst video he’s ever made, not by a long shot, but it felt really half-assed. Like a big dull pile of meh. The energy felt low, and the writing seemed to focus more on vulgarity when I recall people saying, “IG is better because no poop jokes”. Yet he pees on a game and references semen twice. I know that’s not specifically poop, but they’re still bodily functions. Also, what was the point of all the AVGN references? Useless pandering? Frankly, adding "Inspired by AVGN" in the opening is a big case of "too little too late".
The one thing I can take from this video is that Chris is really bad with time and numbers. But we’ve already established that.
  
I guess we’ll wait and see if he’s truly back for more poorly made videos.
That’s all for me. Go play The Wonderful 101 Remastered. It’s an excellent game that needs more love (when it comes out of course)