Saturday, October 24, 2020

Ghouls 'n Complaining About Difficulty

After a week off to try and get people to like Ghost Doctor (it’s never happening Chris, give it up), IG returns with something kind of new. A look at Ghouls n’ Ghosts, the sequel to Ghosts n’ Goblins. Considering how much Bores doesn’t like that game, I predict this video will be a trainwreck.

Before even clicking the video, there’s already a problem. The title says, “GHOULS N' GHOSTS - Sega Genesis Video Game Review - The Irate Gamer”, very clearly indicating this is the second game and will be the Sega Genesis version. However, the thumbnail says, “Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts”, the third game in the series that was exclusive to Super Nintendo (with a GBA remake years later). You couldn’t use the normal title? Already we’ve got a mess.

It’s 15 minutes long folks, strap yourselves in.

We open on IG looking at his shelf then turning to the camera, saying how he wants to find a game for Halloween. He finds Ghostbusters, then reminisces on it like it wasn’t five months ago. Then he finds Ghosts ‘n Goblins and remembers how he tore the game apart 13 years ago and how he still gets nightmares about it.
Then out of nowhere he asks, “What year is it?!” It’s 2020 Chris, I know it’s a shitty year, but we all have to suffer it for two more months.

Then Devil Bores appears…because of course. For some reason, he’s appears on the screen of IG’s TMNT arcade cabinet, because there’s a big TMNT logo beneath him. Does Chris not have a TV in his basement? The scene would work better that way.
In fact, once IG sees him, he takes out a remote and turns him off. Did Chris not think we wouldn’t notice the green outline and GIANT LOGO?!
Anyway, he turns off the “TV”, then his phone rings (which is the Power Rangers ringtone because “ME NERDY”) and Devil Bores appears through FaceTime. Because it’s the 13th anniversary since his Ghosts ‘n Goblins review, he’s making him review the sequel. If he doesn’t, he’ll shove a Game Genie up his ass. That barely seems like a threat.

IG gives in and gets ready to review Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, though he calls it “Ghosts ‘n Goblins 2” at first before seeing they changed the title. He gets mad that they changed it, throws the cartridge behind him and says, “Halloween is Ruined!” Nope, still doesn’t work. What’s wrong with the name change too?

New intro! A special Halloween one with a “spooky” remix by Lame Genie and footage from past Halloween episodes (and I Rate the 80’s), as well as Ghostbusters because… sure. Hey Chris, maybe you could get Lame Genie to make you an original song. I know originality isn’t really your thing but surely you could go for a new theme.

But first, a fake sponsorship. This time for Pok√©mon stuff. That seems like an odd thing to show off. Well, he just talked about it on Puppet Steve. No joke, a video featuring this exact same items was posted three days ago. This seems like a weird way to reuse those. Especially since he’s planning to sell them on eBay. Again, this is not a real sponsorship. There’s no link in the description, and while he tells you to go to a site, it’s just a standard URL, with no “/irate” to save 10% or anything. By the way, he pronounces it “Pokey-mon”. On one hand, I’m glad he doesn’t say “Pokey-man” like ignorant parents in 1998 but come the fuck on. This franchise is over 20 years old now, you can learn to say it correctly.
For those wondering, Puppet Steve still hasn’t talked about Steve in Smash Bros. Chris, what the hell? It’s been 11 days since he was released. Does he not have a Switch anymore? Maybe he sold it to buy more crappy Arcade replicas.

He once again claims Ghosts ‘n Goblins was one of the first games he played that scarred his childhood. Sure, whatever you say.
He then claims the first game he got was Mach Rider. Wait, that wasn’t what you said five years ago. In your now deleted video about the “First 5 games I owned for the NES”, your first game was Super Mario Bros. Mach Rider was the fourth game you got. Did Chris forget to keep his story straight again? Is he hoping we don’t remember that video? Good thing I archive! For those curious, it’s in the May 2015 post “At least this week was easy”.

Anyway, Mach Rider sucked so he exchanged it for Ghosts ‘n Goblins. He claims to have spent hours playing and never getting past the first level. That’s your own fault then, especially since the first level isn’t that bad.
Of course, he has to mention the Arcade version, saying he didn’t find about it until “years later”. How many years Chris? At least by 2007 since you used the Arcade version with God Mode in your stupid video. Hold on I just realized something. His excuse for using the Arcade version was so he could show the ending of the game, yet he claims he never got past the first level. Why would showing the ending be a priority? That’s rather suspicious of you Bores. What are you not telling us?

He shows a bit of the Arcade version and more complaints about difficulty. At least the NES port gave you unlimited continues! Then again, he never beat the first level so he wouldn’t know that.
A few years later, Capcom “raped our childhoods” (his words) by releasing a sequel. Not for NES but for Genesis (they wanted the higher power for something closer to the Arcade version, which you don’t mention), and they changed the name to Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. He complains about them abandoning the original name. Look, I don’t know why they changed it. In Japan, the series is called Makaimura, with the sequel being Daimakaimura. Ask a Capcom exec from the 80’s why they did it. These days, they use “Ghosts ‘n Goblins” as an umbrella term for the franchise (including the PSP game, the mobile games from 10 years ago, the Gargoyle’s Quest trilogy, and the Maximo duology).
He wonders where the Goblins went and makes a stupid comment about referring to them as Goblins being “racist” and curses out “cancel me culture” (his words). Cancel culture isn’t real, quit pretending it is.

He inserts the cartridge into his obviously not plugged-in Genesis, and I want to a moment to address the cartridge itself. It’s a bootleg. Yeah, Chris couldn’t get a genuine GnG cartridge for this video so he got a crappy bootleg. Want a comparison?

Here’s the real cartridge, taken from an eBay listing.



And here’s Chris’ cartridge, with some circles to show imperfections (provided by my informant)



I have to ask… why? Why get a bootleg? The game isn’t that expensive for just the cartridge, normally runs $23-35 on eBay. Was he tricked? Imagine if he tried talking about Game Boy Advance titles, the bootleg market there is really bad.

He starts the game, says there’s no backstory like in the first game. Then he takes out the manual (okay so he has that but not a real cartridge). Wait, I thought manuals were bad? Ah forget it…
For some reason during this part, he’s playing Final Fantasy IX music. Weird choice.
He mentions the princess getting kidnapped, claiming she gets kidnapped more than the “Mario princess”. You mean Peach? Also, this is the second of four games, compared to Peach getting kidnapped too many times to count. That’s a really lame joke and you should be ashamed of yourself.
He calls out a line about unfair odds which makes him mad, then says that Arthur has a chance of winning the game “organically” (as in not cheating) as “finding a dildo in a donut”. … What?

He brings up the “iconic” map, and once again we get Devil Bores, who has started smoking again. Here’s another thing I don’t get, why is Chris still using Satan? In 2007, it was just a cringy joke. But now, knowing what we know about Chris and his baffling religious beliefs, why would he keep using him? This is the guy that forbade his kids from watching Nickelodeon because of “EVIL ILLUMANTI SYMBOLS ZOMG”, and the guy that believes negative thoughts lead to Satanism.

He praises the graphics. Points out the grim reapers chasing you. “Just another Friday night at the Irate Gamer household!” Uggggh…
Game is similar, right down only having two hits and you’re dead. Then a death montage. More complaining about the “two hits”. Yep… knew it would get to this.
He does point out one big change, the addition of a gold armor that boosts your power with a charge attack. Then… this happens.
“Time to go He-Man on these assholes!” Then it cuts to his He-Man transformation footage from 2011. What is the point?! Why are you recycling your old videos again?! What was your thought process that lead to this?! Jeeeeeeeeeez… at least he’s not recycling the review itself.
“Where was this power-up in the first game?!” They hadn’t thought of if yet. They probably heard the complaints about the first game and added it. That’s how these things tend to work, Chris.
However, it still has the same defense as regular armor and goes away after a single hit. He rants, calls it an “armored condom”. Do you have anyone to proofread this?
“Thanks Capcom, now my old lady is knocked up with demonic succubus twins!” …………… What?! What is this writing?!

He praises the wind segment of the first stage, saying “you won’t see anything like that on NES”. Because they didn’t think of it. Also, you can do that on NES. It’s a stage hazard in Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels. I figured you would know that considering your claim that it’s superior to Super Mario Bros. 2. Yeah, I don’t think he played it, otherwise he would know how spine-crunchingly difficult it is.
He also praises the new weapons, mentioning the sword, axes (that was in the first game), daggers (also in the first game) and then calls out “yuppie losers playing frisbee” when bringing up the discus. Yes I’m sure yuppies are all over *checks notes* Toledo. But yeah, the axe and dagger were in the first game. Though if you remember his original video, he got something big wrong by claiming the only other weapon you get is the fire. Everything comes back to bite you.

He calls one of the enemies the “sons of Satan” and wonders how Satan got kids. You really think Satan doesn’t fuck? Also, those aren’t the “sons of Satan”, those are the Red Arremer Kings. Firebrand is the name of the specific Red Arremer that stars in the Gargoyle’s Quest games (since I feel like someone is going to call that out).
He dies again and complains about the map some more. He places some middle finger emojis all over the screen and does another Devil Bores bit. It’s not funny.

He reaches the first boss, and dies multiple times. See the problem here is that he’s using the sword, which has a horribly short range. It’s far better to use a weapon that you can throw. Go back and get a weapon that can do that.
He calls Arthur “whipped” for doing all this rescue the princess. Really? Really? Are you the type that thinks any protagonist that goes on a grand adventure to rescue a damsel is whipped? Will you say the same thing for Mario? Does Chris even think about what he writes? Pffft of course not!

He lists the levels, and cries cries cries about the difficulty. Then another death montage with his weird, crooked jaw, and then he grabs a pillow and bites into it and rips the stuffing out. Is Chris trying to be a clown?
More Devil Bores… hooray. We also get some weak political humor when he comments about humans fighting over which “political dick is bigger”. Blaaaah…
IG dies again, rips the cartridge from his clearly not working Genesis, then throws it off-screen. Then we see some guy in a Nickelodeon shirt sitting on his bed meditating and the cartridge hits him. Who? What? Well, there’s an explanation at the end. We’ll get to that.

Despite throwing the game away, he continues playing.
Later levels are also hard… yep…
Compares an enemy to Mick Jagger… yep…
Also, it looks like there’s a second player helping. I don’t think that’s possible. Pretty sure the 2-player mode is the “taking turns” variety, where things switch when one player dies. Is it something else?
Then he refers to the cloud-like boss, Gassuto, as a “Kirby’s Adventure rip-off”. This came out years before Kirby’s Adventure did. Try again.

More praise of the graphics, the level design, makes a joke about vomiting pigs having a party… yep…
Says his favorite is Level 2 with all the fire, and the music is good too. Then a dumb bit where it cuts to IG turning it up and listening. “Get these guys a record deal” Ugggggh… It’s one guy, her name is Tamayo Kawamoto, and she has one because she left Capcom to pursue a different career. You could have taken five minutes to look into this but nooooooo.

He notes how at the end you fight more of the bosses and claims they “ran out of ideas”. It’s called a challenge Chris. It even has a name, a boss rush. It’s a popular video game trope, look it up! My head hurts…
Then a dumb bit where fireballs attack him in real life. Blargh…

He reaches the end, and finds he has to fight a giant bug. He gets mad. … Chris, do you know anything about mythology? That’s Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies! It’s also another name for Satan! My god, for someone who claims to be studying religion, you don’t know a fact as basic as that?!
He complains about the name again, and then says it’s “time to go Will Smith in Independence Day on his ass”. Followed by a clip of Will Smith’s character punching an alien. So long monetization! What was the point of that? He even plays another after beating the boss.

We get a sequence where he doesn’t bother reading the text and just assumes he won, only to start back at the beginning and have to do it all over again. This surprises you? Of course they would do it again, that’s how the game works.
More Devil Bores. Jeez, how is there still two minutes left. Oh and apparently he has an Instagram account. Ouch…

More ranting, claiming these games scarred his childhood. You didn’t even play this game as a kid! As far as we’re aware, you only played the first! If that’s even true to begin with. Look, if you want answers, ask Tokuro Fujiwara, he directed the first two games. He loved making hard games. That was his thing.
“This is worse than having two penises and trying to figure out which one to pee out of!” …………………………………………………. Do I even have to say anything?

We get a fast forward of him playing the second run with invincibility on (because it’s one continuous run with no damage) and he reaches the final boss. Leading to more stupid Devil Bores shtick. This time with pixelated succubi.
He shows the actual Lucifer and complains about him being naked. I imagine he got here through Stage Select as he has different armor now. He also makes a gross comment about something gooey coming from his crotch. Enough with the semen lines!

He beats the game, gets the ending, and sees it foreshadows Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. Then he complains that it’s on Super Nintendo or “back on Nintendo”. Well this one is exclusive. No Arcade version this time around. Either way, it’s over.
But before it ends, he gives a special thanks to Carlos William Gonzalez for helping with production. He was the guy from earlier that got hit with the cartridge. I hope you got paid Carlos, you didn’t even get a link to your channel in the description.

That was dumb. So very dumb. It was just a lot of “boy this is hard, but the graphics are purdy” over and over and over again. With just terrible writing all around. Why does it all feel so juvenile? Is any one of these people helping him ever going to point out how bad the writing is? It’s just baffling how bad it all is. No improvement at all.

About 12 days ago on Puppet Steve, he posted another video of mini Arcade Cabinets, including one for TMNT. However, it looks like some bootleg game, or some janky ZX Spectrum port. Where did he find this shit? Why is he so obsessed with Arcade games lately?

That’s it for me. I’m going to go relax. Stay safe, wash your hands, and if you’re an American citizen 18 or older, go vote.

Friday, October 9, 2020

Who Knew Vengeance Could Be So Boring?

Another video so soon? Either he actually has a crew now, or whatever his real-life job was, it clearly isn’t around now due to the pandemic. There is also the possibility that he’s no longer making money from Puppet Steve and thus shifting focus away from that.

Anyway, what’s he going to do this time? The Punisher. Not just the NES version either going by the title. Feels like this should have been done when the Netflix series was popular and still running.
Surprised there’s no Dolph Lundgren appearance, he’s on Cameo for $350. The other Punisher actors are not.
In the description, Chris gives thanks to Logan Graham for helping with the script, editing and more. Well Logan, I hope he paid you.

It’s a little over 14 minutes long so let’s get started.

The video opens with IG walking over to a group of NES cartridges standing on his table, all of them Marvel licensed games. He cheers that after “20 years” he finally has the whole family. 20 years? You only started collecting Marvel games in 2000? More time screw-ups out of Bores. Also, that’s not all the Marvel games on NES. You’re missing Wolverine. Frankly, getting six NES games isn’t impressive. Getting every physically released Marvel game, now that’s a feat. Including the ones only released in Japan and Europe.
“What a fantastic looking family too!” Aren’t most of those games garbage? The Punisher is decent but the other four shown (Silver Surfer, X-Men, Spider-Man Return of the Sinister Six and the NES version of Captain America & The Avengers) are pretty bad. You even did videos on two of them!

He likely said that so we could get a terrible segue into some major cringe. The sprites of the Kingpin from the Punisher NES game breaks into his basement, takes out a tommy gun, and shoots the games, leaving only The Punisher “alive”. IG declares he’ll get his “revenge”. Ugggh, I can feel my soul dying already.
I know this is meant to reference the Punisher’s origin but come on. You couldn’t film this in a park or something? It’s not like you need to film near 10 people, parks are open and outside. Honestly, it would still be cringe since he’s upset over terrible games dying rather than family.

Theme song. This time we get a “rock” cover from Lame Genie, yes that is how they’re credited. You know Chris, I think now is a good time to finally get a real theme song. One that doesn’t come from an out-of-print royalty free music program.

But first, a commercial. This time from MyArcade. Like the ones before the last video, I don’t think this is a real sponsorship because there’s no link in the description. It kind of feels like these “sponsorships” are just Bores showing off his toys.
These don’t seem like good ways to play the games. They’re so tiny.

We cut over to another part of his Midlife Crisis Mancave to a replica Infinity Gauntlet and framed Avengers poster. Because “LOOK AT MAH COOL STUUUFF”.
Brings up the Netflix shows as the reason most people know Punisher now, showing footage from them. Guess you can say goodbye to this video getting money. Also, a lot of people knew about Punisher before the Netflix series. He had three movies and was the poster boy for the 90’s Edge era.
Gives a small history, how he was created by Gerry Conway, while neglecting to mention John Romita Sr and Ross Andru.
Noting the first time he appeared was in “the issue of Spider-Man”. Not an issue of Spider-Man, THE issue. He could be saying “an issue” but his accent is screwing things up. No mention that it’s Amazing Spider-Man #129 though.
He then claims the Punisher is the first Marvel character to get a movie “adaption”. That is wrong! The first Marvel character to get a movie adaptation (see the difference) is Howard the Duck. I know we all want to pretend that movie doesn’t exist, but sadly it does, and we have to acknowledge it as the first movie adapted from a Marvel Comics property.

Anyway, he mentions the first Punisher movie which “debuted on the big-screen in 1989” and was “self-entitled” The Punisher. Yes, that’s how he says it. It’s meant to be self-titled, and even then, that’s the wrong term to use. Where did Chris learn English?
Also, the movie didn’t come out theatrically in America, it didn’t see any form of wide release until 1991 when it went direct-to-video. He doesn’t mention any of this. Instead he says the movie is terrible with a long metaphor about the writers wiping their ass with the script. I’m guessing that’s why he didn’t pay for a Dolph Lundgren cameo.
EDIT: According to John Pannozzi, that's not entirely accurate. Captain America had a film serial in 1944. There were several made-for-TV movies in the 70's and 80's that ran in theaters outside of the US, and Japanese Spider-Man got a short film too.
He also shows a clip from the movie and randomly zooms in on a background extra. … Okay?

But Punisher “got more room to grow” with the 2004 movie, video games, and the Netflix series. No mention of War Zone? At least go into the many comic lines, the massive amounts of merch and his appearance on the Spider-Man cartoon. I imagine that’s where a lot of people got to know him.
“A lot of love for this character now” There’s always been love for him! Do you purposely live in a bubble?
“I remember picking up these comments in the 80’s” Did you seriously say comments instead of comics? That’s what it sounds like to me. I don’t know if it’s his accent or his microphone or his inability to do more than one take. Surely mistakes like that would have been noticed.
He remarks how he was reading TMNT and Scrooge McDuck and series from Harvey Comics, so the Punisher was not what he normally read. Seeing someone shooting guns really surprised him.
“Really cool to see him get a push now” Now? Nothing is really happening with him. The Netflix series was cancelled over a year ago, and Disney has no plans to make a movie or Disney Plus series. Frankly, I can’t see the Punisher work as a Disney Plus show (though we’ll see how violent WandaVision is). I also don’t know of any games being developed. His latest appearance was as a DLC character in Ultimate Alliance 3 (also mobile games but who cares). Did Chris write this a while ago?

He begins his look at the games, starting with the NES version. We get a dumb joke where he opens the console and finds Batman inside, then throwing it out while making a comment about “mixing universes”. Bleeeh. Also, his NES is clearly not plugged in. It’s basically a prop now.
He starts the game, comments on the “ugly bastard” staring at you on the level selection screen. That’s Jigsaw, he’s one of the Punisher’s biggest villains. He was in the Netflix show. Come on Chris, you can research. Don’t you have help now?
He goes over the game, how it’s a rail-shooter, which are indeed uncommon on the NES. He gets annoyed at the fact they changed his backstory from a Marine that served in Vietnam to a former cop. Why is this a big deal?
You can shoot enemies with your gun or use grenades. Prompting a dumb bit with IG throwing a grenade from real life into the game with one of his stock explosions. Ugggh.
Goes over some power-ups, comments about the logo at the bottom.
He then uses the word “unrelentlessly” when talking about possibly bashing the game. That’s not a word Chris. He probably means “unrelentingly”
He’s not going to bash it since this game is actually good. He then refers to LJN as “LGN”. Woooooow. You couldn’t do a second take on that?
When he brings up “LGN”, he references the fact they made the ThunderCats action figures. While true, that is an odd reference to make, especially since nowadays they’re much more known for publishing some of the worst licensed games on the NES. Is he trying not to step on the AVGN’s toes?

So he goes on a long rant about what Frank is possibly standing on, especially at one point where the game has him on an ocean. Then a stupid bit where Frank ends up in Super Mario Bros. 3. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Comments on the lack of music. Surprisingly no “here’s some appropriate music” jokes. He also comments on a saxophone player with audible music in one level.
He gets to a bonus stage, and complains that it's similar to the main game, rather than shooting balloons or something (he edits in balloons). Then he shows a stock photo of an old man to represent the developer and once again calls the 1989 movie a piece of shit (with a picture of a realistic turd, charming). I don’t see the problem here. Honestly, he sounds really bored.

He brings up the bosses and notes how they’re all characters from the comics. So, he recognizes Kliegg, Sijo, and Assassin, but not Jigsaw? What sense does that make? I’m guessing Logan looked up the names of the bosses on GameFAQs.
Then he describes the bosses with a lot of “your ass”, and then says the words “ass play” and needing toilet paper. Eww…
Something about the bosses, but then some cringe as the saxophone player from earlier appears in his room. He says he should be a boss and shoos him away. What was the point of that?!
He beats the game, says the ending’s lame. It’s an NES game, we have gone over this.
“Onimous Batman like pose” He doesn’t say ominous, but “onimous”. Hey Logan, future suggestion. Maybe watch the videos and see when Chris butchers the English language? Tell him that and have him rerecord the line.
Also, for some reason he’s playing Kirby music here. Weird.
Then he ends with a dumb joke about the “brooding being so thick” he could cut it with a knife, or an AK-47. Meh…

He removes the game from his NES, making it VERY obvious it’s not plugged in. Saying this is not the “definitive” game he wants to play.
“Specially since game developer LJN was at the helm at the time” Stop! Well first off, he gets LJN right this time (making me wonder about the first instance), but the important thing to note is that LJN is not a developer! They never were! The AVGN even addressed this in his Beetlejuice video, noting how LJN was merely a publisher that contracted the games out to studios to make them. But his phrasing was always “Made by LJN”, which is technically true as they funded it. They never developed a game. This is a serious oversight that I’m amazed got past the scripting. Did he proofread this? Did Logan proofread this?
For the record, The Punisher on NES was developed by Beam Software, a now defunct Australian developer.
Then he brings up the other Marvel games LJN published, including Wolverine. Wait, you didn’t include that earlier. So you do have that?! Jeeeez…

He transitions into talking about the Game Boy game (The Punisher: The Ultimate Payback) with a stupid line about wanting to go to anger management class from playing the NES game. I thought you said it was a good game?
He opens with a stupidly long rant about how the Game Boy version has an opening cutscene while the NES game doesn’t, even though the Game Boy version has similar gameplay. He complains that the NES version should be superior. Who gives a shit?
Then he sees there’s a cameo from Spider-Man. Then… oh jeez. He says, “Someone call 911 because I was robbed again”. Thankfully he doesn’t hold up ROB when he says it. Still, hearing that again hurt.
He complains about Spider-Man wanting the Punisher’s help because Frank is a killer. They work together all the time in the comics. Peter is well-aware of what Frank does. He also works with Deadpool, who has even less problems with killing people.
More complaining… he’s barely even talking about the game, just the story. Also, the footage changes drastically. Is he swapping between Super Game Boy footage and emulator footage?

IG then says that the best Punisher experience is the Arcade game. Here we go…
“Flashy intro!” Oh my god who cares?! Why do you care so much about flashy intros? People play games for the gameplay. Not the intros.
Blah blah story blah blah gwaphics. Beat-em-up gameplay. Says it’s “fanservice done right”. Cringy line about busting caps in people’s asses. I’m bored…
He brings up the Genesis port, calls out “Nintendo purists” for Sega getting the drop on them. Why attempt to reignite that? Who cares?
He brings up the co-op, and how the second player is Nick Fury. Then he comments that he looks “very different” from the movies. Well yeah, this is based on the comics. Nick Fury was a white guy in the comics. When Marvel created the Ultimate Universe, they modeled Ultimate Nick Fury after Samuel L. Jackson. When they started work on the Cinematic Universe, they managed to cast SLJ as Fury. You would know this if you actually DID read the comics and not come off like a basic poser.
He goes over the differences between the two versions. Graphical limitations, censorship, blah blah blah. He makes a joke about demonetization in reference to the scantily clad ninjas. Since when did you care about that?
Also is it me, or does he pronounce “irony” in an odd way? Like there’s a lot of emphasis on “iron”.
Says it’s a solid game and gives it the… for fuck’s sake. He gives it the “Irate Gamer seal of not being ass”. Which he represents with the “Official Nintendo Licensed Product” logo, but very poorly photoshopped with “Original Irate Gamer Seal of Not Being Ass”. Even the font is cheap!

He then says the “Punisher scene” was quiet outside of his Spider-Man TAS appearance and the 2004 movie (so we’re just pretending comics don’t exist?), then he starts talking about the 2005 game. Which is meant to be a tie-in to the 2004 movie, even having Thomas Jane reprise Frank.
He says it’s from Deep Silver Volition. … Not exactly. Though the game was developed by Volition (prior to being bought by Deep Silver), it was published by THQ. Not THQ Nordic, the original dead THQ. Seems like something Logan should have helped with hm?
He calls it a mix between Gears of War and Manhunt. This came out before Gears of War. If anything, it’s more like Star Wars Battlefront or Metal Arms: Glitch in the System. I’m guessing Logan included the bit about Manhunt since I seriously doubt Chris would know what that is.
He brings up violent the game is, and it’s so graphic it almost got an Adults Only rating from the… from the ESERB. ESERB?! Hahahahahaha seriously?! Oh wow. Of all the obvious mistakes, this one was so bad. How does this even happen?
“You know your game is bad when it makes Rockstar Games look like daycare” Hey Logan, you wanna tell him about Manhunt 2, which was so graphic that it got an AO rating? No? Okay.
He brings up the cameos, including one from Iron Man. Tony says he needs a drink, which IG agrees to.

He then brings up the short-lived The Punisher: No Mercy. An exclusive PS3 game that only lasted two years. I’m guessing the footage is from elsewhere (and I imagine he will not credit that). He just heard it’s bad and something about excrement.
Then the video ends with a bit about the saxophone player. Followed by the clip of Iron Man seeing he needs a drink. Now that clip is definitely Logan, because Bores would never do a bit like that.

This was just dull. Nothing really interesting was said. Also, it’s weird that he calls them mediocre but didn’t really say anything bad about them. Especially not the Game Boy title, he barely said anything there.
Also, no mention of the 1990 computer game? Once again, the computer gets ignored.
I just find it weird that there’s so so so many mispronunciations. More than usual. Is Chris rushing these out with no quality assurance? Is Logan not catching this stuff? Has Chris always had this problem but managed to remove it in editing but now things are different? Something’s off.

It's been about eight days since Nintendo announced that Steve from Minecraft would be in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Puppet Steve has not said anything yet. That's also weird...

That's all for me everyone. Stay safe!

Saturday, October 3, 2020

RoboCop: The Godfrey Ho Cut

That was fast. Thought the video would come out Friday but nope, Thursday.
Anyway, what’s he going to talk about this time? RoboCop… for the third god damn time. No wonder he’s able to get these out so fast, he’s just recycling everything. 
Oh, but this one’s special because he got RoboCop himself, Peter Weller. He is indeed on Cameo.com and he’ll appear in your video for $250. Seriously?! Bores isn’t going to come close to that on ad revenue for the video. 

To reiterate, the Irate Gamer revival has consisted of games the AVGN has already talked about (Ghostbusters and Dick Tracy), games he’s already talked about (TMNT and RoboCop), concepts that are obvious to the simplest of people (console ports of Arcade games sure do suck) and shit nobody cares about (the cereal). It’s no wonder his views have plummeted since the “crossover”.

For those just joining us, Irate Gamer first talked about RoboCop NES in a crossover review with SWAGshow back in 2008 (when people actually took IG somewhat seriously). Then he reviewed it again in 2011 as part of his stupid storyline. Nine years later, he’s looking at it again. Am I in a time loop? Is this a parallel universe Bores that’s just starting his show but still has the same stupid ideas? Seriously, why a third time?

It’s a big one, 23 minutes long. Let’s do this.

The video opens with IG walking in and saying he’ll discuss the history of RoboCop games and the consoles they made them for. While only showing NES games. Yeah, I doubt he’ll talk about the RoboCop 3 computer game or the Titus Interactive Game Boy Color game or the 2003 Xbox game that was released on other consoles outside of America. But we shall see, it is a long video.

Then says if we have a problem with that, we can take it up with Peter Weller, leading to our cameo. That was a terrible segue.
This cameo isn’t much better. Weller is walking down a New Orleans road filming himself. He calls him “Chris Irate Gamer” which is odd. I get the feeling Chris wanted “angry and tough” but he’s basically just blandly reading a script. Then he refers to him as “Chris Irate”. Is that like the next evolution of Chris Neo? But yeah, he says a lot of nonsense that makes it obvious Bores wrote it.
“Wow! Peter Weller on the Irate Gamer show! Never thought I’d see the day.” Again, these cameos aren’t impressive. At least when James and ScreenWave got that Tom Cruise impersonator off Cameo, they had him use a green screen and gave him something of substance to say. 
“The ultimate history of RoboCop games” Major doubt.

Theme song.

But first, a sponsorship ad from Surfshark. Oh hey, a product I see in other YouTube videos. It’s a genuine sponsorship too as he links it in the description. Was that so hard? I guess this is how he’s recouping the cost of Peter Weller. I know these companies can pay a lot to be featured. Animation reviewer SaberSpark mentioned being offered $7400 to talk about RaId ShAdOw LeGeNdS (he didn’t take it).
The ad is mostly reading the script they give you. He throws in a cringy RoboCop joke. 

Movie came out, it was cool and awesome. I imagine all that satire went over his head (and I don’t mean when he was younger).
Then come the video games. He pulls out an issue of Nintendo Power and shows a four-page feature they did on the Data East NES game. He still says ED-209 wrong (it’s pronounced like the name Ed, not spelled out).
Grabs the game, oh hey he put it in correctly. 

He mispronounces “adaptation” again, saying “adaption”. 
He goes over the game… not much to say really. But then it switches to footage from the old review. I can even recognize the floor and shelves. Why? 
Not only that, he combines the old footage with new. It’s insanely jarring. What’s weird is that I’m not sure if this is laziness or a style choice because in the description, he says this episode “contains a little old”. So, either it’s a bizarre choice, or this is an excuse for not trying and adding old shit just to get over 20 minutes. Seriously, this is weird! Especially since the footage doesn’t match. The old footage is way grainier.
Anyway, he complains that RoboCop can’t jump. Of course not. He doesn’t jump in the movie. Why would he jump here?

He repeats the PETA joke again when talking about the dogs. This feels like putting McDonalds in your microwave. Subpar food that’s made even worse.
He repeats his complaints about the gun in the game, how you don’t always use it and how the aim is bad. Then he replays the clip from the old review with ROB and Tony. This is beyond jarring, especially since it comes out of nowhere and unlike the storyline video wasn’t established that Tony exists. This is so fucking dumb. Does Chris think people won’t notice the obvious change in set? Or how he’s nine years younger?

He brings up the Data East building (again), and during it the footage changes. Feels like the new stuff is on an emulator. Plus, the sound quality is different. What’s the point of this again? This would make sense if you were talking about a shot-for-shot remake of a movie like Psycho or Cabin Fever, but it doesn’t work here.
He reaches the first boss, most of it is recycled footage, then a jarring cut to new material. Blah blah blah… then another Weller cameo where he just says RoboCop’s “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me” catchphrase. 

Level 2… more old footage. Boring boring boring…
Oh god, I forgot about the stupid GI Joe comparison. 
More and more recycled footage. We’re not even getting spliced in new footage. Did Chris not get past Level 1 this time around? I’m going to go with “lazy”.
Forgot he says, “does not go down with a fight” instead of “without a fight”. This was a long time ago, I don’t rewatch this shit.
Then he replays the scene where ED-209 enters his room, ROB destroys it, and he calls him, ugh, ROB-O-Cop. And yes, he still includes the part where he explains the joke. Was he really so proud of this stupid scene that he had to include it again? 

More old footage, including the cringey bit where he shoots the cast of That 70’s Show. When he makes a crack towards Mila Kunis for dating Macaulay Culkin, it’s new footage. Welp, that killed any chance of getting Mac on your show Bores.
Checking back in my old recap, the reason there’s new footage is that the original scene had Wise Sage bring up Culkin and Kunis being a couple. Hmmm, interesting that Chris would remove him. Perhaps there’s been a falling out with Eric Allen?
Also, the part where he shoots the That 70’s Show cast adds in sprites from Hogan’s Alley because the original training mode in RoboCop didn’t use human sprites. 

Last level, same shit, when he gets to the end of the game, he splices in old footage with new footage to still do the stupid bit where ROB kills ED-209 in the game. We’re almost 10 minutes in, and most of this crap was old footage! What’s the point?

Anyway, he learned “recently” that this was ported from an Arcade game. You could have learned that when you did the original video, but that would get in the way of your stupid storyline wouldn’t it. 
“Shovel my shit in a barrel” You’re too late to make that a catchphrase.
“Arcade game better” Uh huh “This should be NES version” NES has limitations! “Just look at those graphics” Oh my god…
He learns the reason for the gun being limited is because the Arcade version did that, but “lets it slide” because the game is polished. Should have done your research!
“Made my day, punk!” That’s Dirty Harry! Also, that’s not even what he says. You just took his two most iconic quotes and mixed them together.
Blah blah blah Arcade game better…

He moves on to the Game Boy version, says it’s better because gun and jumping. The jumping looks really stiff. But he’s claiming the game is smooth because he can just hold down the button and shoot everything. Sounds to me that you only like this game for being easy. 
No wait never mind, he goes into how he loses his health way too quickly. I get the feeling you’re supposed to take it slow. Either that or your keyboard isn’t working with the emulator you’re clearly playing on. 

Moves onto RoboCop 2. Starts with the NES game which he also talked about already.
He says it’s better than the first because you can jump. That would be worth praising if the jumping wasn’t so utterly shit.
Oh, and it’s old footage too. Another tell is that the old stuff uses the Green Circles of Obviousness that he phased out. Oh hey, something to praise. Getting rid of those.
He fails beating the first level twice (combining old and new again) and plays another Peter Weller clip. This time saying “Your move, creep”. I don’t see how having him say RoboCop quotes helps you. 

Moves onto the shooting range, it’s still old footage because it still has the terrible Hamburgler reference. 
Still more old footage, including the bit where he curses a lot and it’s bleeped. It was bleeped in the original, so this isn’t cleaning it up for YouTube or anything.
I feel like my soul is dying watching this blatant disregard for standards.

He moves on to the Game Boy version. Something new.
But it’s similar to the NES version so he just says a lot of the same stuff. He also gives an anecdote about how only made $5 in allowance a week when he was 11 years old and something something can’t get to second level. Whatever…
Then goes into the Arcade version which leads to more gushing. We get it, Arcade version better.
And yeah, that’s pretty much it. Arcade game awesome, NES game crappy, we should have gotten Arcade version on NES. Look, MGM probably gave the rights to various companies, and that’s why we have three different RoboCop 2 games. Data East made the Arcade version, Ocean Software made the NES and Game Boy version, and Special FX made the computer version. I don’t know for certain, information on stuff like this is hard to find. Maybe ask Larry Bundy Jr, he seems to know all about Ocean Software and their shovelware ways.
He does complain about the Arcade game’s controls and how you need to press a button to aim left or right. Sounds like a “you” problem Bores. I don’t see the issue here.
He also praises a part where RoboCop crushes a car. “You won’t see that in the NES version” Of course not, the NES wouldn’t be capable of graphics like that. He really doesn’t get it.
Then he replays the clip of Peter Weller saying “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me”. So not only is he recycling old footage, he’s recycling new footage. Who finds this funny?

Moves onto RoboCop 3, notes how it was ported to “every system available” but only lists, NES, SNES, Master System, and Genesis. No Game Gear or DOS or other old computers? You call this the “Ultimate History”? Fraudulent! 

Starts with NES, and it’s more old footage from the original video. Though he splices in new reactions.
I noticed when he tries jumping over the hole, he just repeats the same clip three times. I don’t remember if that was in the original, but it probably was.
And yes, he ends on the stupid “Pimp my RoboCop joke”

He moves onto the Master System version and doesn’t say much. Then to the SNES version and says it’s better because GWAPHICS. Genesis too. No mention of the DOS version? It’s a completely different game.

He then starts talking about RoboCop vs The Terminator. First mentioning the comic book mini-series and then the game.
He starts on SNES and praises it, then goes to the Genesis version and praises it further because it has blood and gore. It should be noted that the game was made with the Genesis as the base, even though the SNES version came out first, at least going by Wikipedia. There’s also versions for the Game Boy, the Master System, and the Game Gear. The latter two are not mentioned at all.

He starts talking about the unreleased NES game, which was finished but they decided to hold off on releasing (the ROM exists out there). He starts playing and says it look impressive. … No it fucking doesn’t. It looks like garbage. I imagine Virgin Entertainment looked at that and thought “This isn’t going to sell, we’re going to lose money if we put this out”. On top of it also being 1993 and the NES was dying.
“This reminds me of the Batman game” … Barely. Batman was a lot smoother. I don’t know how this controls but it’s likely Batman had better control.

IG then goes on a rant about how so many NES games were abandoned because they were in development at the end of the system’s life cycle. Yeaaaaaaah, that’s how things tend to work. If a new console is on the way or on the market, it’s seen as a pointless endeavor to make something for the old console. Right now, it would be pointless to start a new project for the PS4 because the PS5 is literally a month away. Same with starting a new Xbox One project.

He then pulls a quote from game designer Gregg Tavares, which he reads in a kind of mocking tone. I don’t see what your problem is Chris, he says the problem in the quote. “It was a very bad game”. Chris is an idiot and didn’t source where he got this from. So I had to search for it and found it on the site Atari HQ. You can read it here.
“It looks pretty damn impressive to me” Not really. I don’t understand you. You’re a total graphics whore for Arcade games, but this underwhelming looking NES game is what impresses you?
Then he cries about how they were “self-conscious” about the limitations and just abandoned it. There were likely other reasons. Most likely financial. They probably realized that selling this crap would make them lose money. Every cancellation has multiple reasons. Just one guy’s story isn’t enough.
He gushes about how he would totally have the game in his collection. Too bad!
Then he briefly looks at the Game Boy version.

“Gosh damn it” Why does he say that? This isn’t even a YouTube censorship thing, he said it years ago.
He then says he’s late for a meeting. What? Where did that come from?
Then Tony appears saying he fixed ED-209. So is that why you replayed the old clips? No that still doesn’t make sense.
Then more Peter Weller.

Then one more scene of total cringe as we see IG riding ED-209 through a green screen city and he tells it to go knock over AVGN’s house. … What’s the point? Is he still trying to act like there’s a rivalry? James hasn’t brought him up at all. 

This was just bad. Seriously, why all the old clips? It’s just so utterly lazy. I know he says in the description that it’s a “bit of old”, but I swear half of that was the old. The “whole lot of new” was just quick looks at other versions. Not to mention there’s still RoboCop games that came out after the Terminator crossover. Ultimate History my ass.

If Tony and ROB were meant to be his “crew” that he mentioned, then that’s just sad. The continuity of this video just gave me a headache. What a mess.

Over on Facebook, a fan asked if he could get Arnold Schwarzenegger in a future video, which Chris says “won’t happen”. Well yeah, he’s not on Cameo. Chris can only get celebrities that he can pay a small fee on a website. The same fan also asked about Home Alone. Not Culkin, just Home Alone. Chris still said no.

Over on Ghost Doctor, more old uploads. The latest being his interview on Coast to Coast AM. It’s over an hour long, no way in hell am I listening to that.

He still hasn’t said anything about Steve in Smash Bros. Knowing him though, we’ll get a Puppet Steve video about that in a month. Maybe I was off about him being insufferable? *looks at what I just watched* Never mind…

Stay safe everyone. Wear a mask, wash your hands, keep your distance. Play some good games.

Thursday, October 1, 2020

Minecraft Confirmed for Smash Bros.

 I woke up for the new Super Smash Bros. Ultimate announcement hoping for something cool. I got a face full of Minecraft.
Steve is confirmed to be the next playable fighter. With alt costumes for Alex, Zombie, and Enderman. 
Look, I know Minecraft is hugely popular, it's iconic at this point. Actual iconic not Bores' weird "it's from the 80's so it's automatically iconic" shit. Minecraft was just never for me, even before Bores poured his time into a low-quality toy channel where he pretends to be Steve.

Really the reason I'm bringing this up now is that Chris is going to be insufferable, more so than usual. Be prepared for that.

He's supposedly dropping a new video tomorrow. We shall see.

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

A Pointless Reminder of the Obvious. Ports of Arcade Games Tend to Suck

We’re back to video games! Was that so hard? So what will Chris talk about with his actual fans? Will he talk about the Super Mario 3D All Stars, and despite the games being great it’s kind of a lazy collection? Will he talk about Among Us and how it’s basically a video game adaptation of The Thing? Maybe he’ll be fast and talk about Microsoft’s shocking purchase of Bethesda. 
Pffft of course not. That would require Chris to care.

Instead it’s this: Arcade Games vs. Console Ports - Pacman Atari 2600, NES Donkey Kong & More! The IRATE Gamer
More recycled content. You talked about Donkey Kong five years ago! What’s the point in bringing back Irate Gamer if you’re not really going to talk about anything new? Granted, there’s a lot of other games as well since the video is 16:45 long. Oh lord…. This is going to hurt isn’t it?
 
The video opens with IG talking about how “Arcades are making a comeback” because of companies like Arcade 1Up, and others making small replicas of Arcade games. Fairly sure the only recent thing is Arcade 1Up, the other stuff has been done for years. If actual non-Dave & Buster’s Arcades were making a comeback, then that would be something worth celebrating.
When saying this, he shows off various mini-Arcade cabinets he has. This is going to be one of those “Look at my toys” videos isn’t it? Shit…

Because “last time” was about the TMNT Arcade game (technically it was the Urkel cereal but whatever) he’s going to talk about other Arcade games he grew up with. Taking that with a grain of salt.
“Today, we’re going to be talking about Arcade ports and comparing them to their Arcade game counterparts” Don’t you mean “Console ports of arcade games?” An “Arcade port” would be a game ported to the Arcade. Like Skullgirls (started on PS3 and 360, ported to Arcade and many other systems) and Street Fighter V (started on PS4 and PC, ported to Arcade). I’m just saying, you have to watch your vernacular. 

Theme Song. The “Inspired by AVGN” bit includes the screaming scene in it.

But first, a supposed sponsorship from Super Rare Games. A company similar to Limited Run Games that prints physical Switch copies of digital-only titles. For the PAL region. Yeah, I know Switch is region-free, but wouldn’t it make more sense to have a PAL region YouTuber promote them? Assuming this is an actual sponsorship because Chris has once again said nothing in the description. No link or anything. Isn’t that against the rules?
Also, are you going to talk about Dandara: Trials of Fear? You have it right there.

He starts with Pac-Man.
“Pie-sliced chomper” You mean pizza pie, right?
“This game may seem passe by today’s standards” No not really. People still love Championship Edition. Why not play that instead of wasting hundreds on emulated replicas?
He goes on about how Pac-Man was unique and how he was the first mascot. Probably correct as I can’t find any conflicting info.
When he lists off other things you played as at the time, he brings up Pong but says you control “pong balls”. No, you control the paddles and hit the ball. 
Also, he calls out the 1978 Arcade game Frogs for some reason. 

Game was a hit, so Atari wanted to port it to the VCS/2600. Final product looked terrible.
IG plays it… not much here…
“This really wrinkles my shit” … Do you just madlib your cursing now?
He brings up how everyone tears into this game now, but once again brings up the “Phantom Menace Effect” Bullshit! You were 3 when this came out! There’s no way you were aware of people praising this game.
He claims he heard nobody complain about this. Probably because they were ignoring its existence. Yes, it’s the best-selling 2600 game of all time (7 million copies) but that wasn’t due to some philosophical “It’s Pac-Man it must good” mindset. It was marketing and the idea of playing that game you loved at the pizza parlor in your home. Only to get something ugly and wrong. Pac-Man was one of the biggest contributors to the Video Game Crash. It made people realize a lot of games were low quality and not worth buying. 

Something something 2600 version was worse, get the 5200 version. Oh hey, emulator use. Because I doubt Chris has a properly working Atari 5200.
He complains that the aspect ratio is too wide and “squishes” it with his fingers. Bleh…
He claims it’s close, then loses it over Inky being green rather than cyan and says the 5200 version sucks. … Lame lame joke.

He moves onto the NES version, and holds up the licensed and unlicensed versions. He mispronounces Tengen, saying it with a soft G (as in generation) rather than a hard G (as in golf). Someone did call this out on of his comment sections, and he apologized. So that’s something at least.
“This game is just what Dr. Mario ordered!” Stop. Just stop. Are you trying to get on new G4 or something?
Says it’s almost perfect, just that the colors are flat. Meh…

He moves onto Donkey Kong.
First looking at the 2600 version. Says it looks like shit, compares it to someone going to a buffet and “shitting in the refried beans”. That’s just gross. Who goes to a buffet?
“A bunch of shitty beans!” You will never top diarrhea dickwaffles Chris, just forget about it.
He briefly mentions the Atari 7800 port, calls it “shit-free refried beans”. Why beans? What does that have to do with Donkey Kong?
Then he brings up the NES port and how it’s basically perfect. Well yeah, Nintendo themselves made it for their hardware. Of course the original creators would do it the best.
And he brings up how the conveyer belt level is missing. You already did this five years ago Chris. Get new material.

Moves on to BurgerTime. Why does Chris care so much for this game? Is it the burgers?
Original Arcade game good, Atari 2600 version bad. Yeah yeah yeah… is this going to be the same thing repeated over and over?
“This eyesore of a game has so much ASS coming out of it, this is the first eyesore that becomes an ass sore!” … What? What were you trying to go for here?
He compares the hot dog enemy (which he calls a sausage) to a dick. Did Game Dude write that line?

He tells us that the point is that the graphics were weaker. No duh
And that Arcades were dying out in the 90’s because consoles were catching up. I’d say it’s more around the mid-2000’s that they truly started dying. Fighting games really juiced things in the late 90’s.

He starts talking about Pac-Mania.
He loved the Arcade version because it looked like Pac-Man and Lego combined. He hates the NES version because it doesn’t look like Lego. It looks fine to me. Again, the NES would not be capable of Arcade level graphics, no matter what. He also calls the NES port a “Pac-Pile of Porcupine Piss”. Get it? Because they all start with P. The game looks fine, I don’t know what your problem is. 
“Downgraded dumpster fire!” … How does Chris still not get it?  NES ports of Arcade games are not going to look as good as the original! We have gone over this time and time again. How does he not get it?

He pulls a “if you think THAAAAT’S BAAAAD” and moves on to another franchise that really got hampered by console limitations. Dragon’s Lair.
You don’t say. Dragon’s Lair was limited by old video game consoles? What an utter shock! Seriously, it was basically an animated movie, no duh it wasn’t going to work on the NES. Obviously they had to make concessions and do something original. Sure, it wasn’t good, but they tried something at least.
Blah blah blah, Dragon’s Lair was revolutionary.
He admits he sucked at it and rather waited for someone good to come by and play it instead. By good, he means someone that figured out the routes because there’s not much skill to this. Just trial and error. The whole point was to eat quarters.

“Some dummy came along” It’s not dumb to want to try and bring a popular game to popular system. They had a great idea, just poor execution. 
“This has to be the same game, right?” Your fault for being stupid. Anyone with a brain would realize that the Arcade game would have to be changed for the NES.
“8-Bit bent boner bastard of a game” … Huh? Are you browsing the CWC Wiki?
“Looked terrible” Not really. For NES, the graphics and animations aren’t too bad. The game’s problems lie in the controls and difficulty.
We then get a death montage where some of them he’s clearly dying on purpose. Claiming that it replicates hitting the “right button at the right time” method like in the Arcade. … Not really. While there is timing and trial & error, it’s done in a different way.

He also brings up the SNES version, which I don’t know much about but it doesn’t look as bad. You don’t die in one hit at least. But no, his main complaint is “too many enemies”. Nothing about controls or gameplay or anything that makes a game a game. Because fuck doing actual reviewing!
He shows the Sega CD version which suffers compression issues. Then makes a joke about his old printer that I’m sure only amused him.
Then he claims that we wouldn’t get a proper port until the Playstation. You mean the Playstation 2? Because I can’t find a PS1 port. Also, there were ports for Macintosh, Phillips CD-I, Jaguar CD, Windows, and even DVD players. Dragon’s Lair really got around.
By the way, when Chris shows footage from Dragon’s Lair, he’s using the phone version. It’s on modern consoles, he should have gone for those.

He brings up 1942 and Commando and says they’re too faithful because you only get three lives, with no way to continue. Yawn…
EDIT: Turns out Commando on NES does have continues. Something tells me Chris either didn't play it, or never got far enough to know that you can continue. Thanks to Gary Sargent for letting me know.
Shows some other games, then goes on to… Ghosts N’ Goblins. Jeeeez, more recycled material?! Look, this would be okay if you were re-visiting something, give it a better look, correct mistakes you made. But you’re not doing that. You’re just being lazy.
He cries again about it being hard and not getting past the first level. Oh my god, the first level is not that hard! It’s the second level that really screws you over. Just admit you suck.
He also brings up how you see the level map every time you die and… Devil Bores returns. Hold on, didn’t Chris say in one of his livestreams that he was going to stop using Satan because it was a “stupid gimmick”? Did he lie? Also, doesn’t this go against his lunacy on the Ghost Doctor about how “DA SATANISM IS EVERYWHERE” or something? 
Chris’ voice for his devil version is also different. Not as deep. Did he forget how to do it after all this time? He makes a comment about he’s not smoking, but I figured that would be related to how he’s not coughing. Blaaaaaaah.
“What’s the point of a game if you can’t even reach the second level” *takes out megaphone* GET GOOD. Also, Ghosts N’ Goblins does have the ability to let you continue. Of course, you’d know that if you weren’t such a bitch about it.

He then goes into the “next batch” (whatever that means) with Ikari Warriors and Contra (more recycling!) I should note that there’s real bad jump cut when he holds up the cartridges. Come on Chris, that’s just incompetent.
These were better because of codes that made it easier. Well in Ikari Warriors case, that was kind of needed since it’s a technical mess of a port.
EDIT: PrinceMario has informed me that Chris was showing footage of Ikari Warriors II instead of the first game. Seems this video is just loaded with misinformation. 
Then IG reveals that he didn’t know Contra was an Arcade game. What happened to you beloved research Chris? You should have known that!
He’s “surprised” that the NES port was a better game because of various changes and “extra levels”. That's not quite the case. They reworked the levels to be different, like combining the second and third Arcade level into one and splitting the final level into four.
He praises the game some more. … Sooooo we’re just going to pretend those videos from 2008 didn’t happen? Hello?

Then he brings up Paperboy, says NES is better because it’s slower.
Then mentions Spyhunter was better because slower. … Was it though? They both look fairly fast.
You’re also forgetting to mention how you didn’t have to pay quarters every time you played. How about that.

Then he claims the best Arcade-to-NES jump is Punch-Out. Again, that’s on Nintendo, who in this case decided to make a completely different game. Sure, you still had Little Mac, but you had way more opponents. Plus, no Pizza Pasta.
Then IG gives a spiel that kind of sounds like he thinks the Arcade version came out after? He’s really odd about it. Like he calls the different characters “new fighters”. Even though the Arcade version came out in 1983, and the NES version came out 1987. Then he says he wants nothing to do with the Arcade version. Why not? At least play it out of curiosity. It is on the Switch now.

Then he goes on about how some were good, most were bad. Yeah yeah yeah…
He goes over to his Arcade 1Up cabinet for Bad Dudes. Jeez, how much did you spend on all this? Is that why you’re always selling the Puppet Steve toys? Were these donations for Puppet Steve? *checks* Oh, he did do a video on that machine. It also came with BurgerTime, Karate Champ, and Caveman Ninja. Of course, the focus was mostly on BurgerTime so he could add “Order me a Happy Meal” to the title. Because Chris somehow thinks he can play Steve as a kid. Still, I have to wonder if any money went into this shit.
Anyway, he said he really liked Bad Dudes because he played it with his cousin at a local pizzeria and it was “really hard to find 2-player games back then”. I really find that hard to believe. Were you even trying Chris?
When he places the NES version in the system, he doesn’t push the cartridge down. Are you doing this shit on purpose?!
Anyway, he hates the NES version because you can’t do co-op. Calling it “lazy”. Pretty sure it was due to sprite limitations. Having too many sprites on screen causes flickering and slow-down. Looking at the animation of Bad Dudes, it’s already working hard to just to keep three people on screen. They did the best they could, and the music’s pretty awesome at least.

Then he brings up Indiana Jones & the Temple of Doom. Oh look, another game you already fucking talked about.
He also didn’t know it was ported from an Arcade game. So much for all that research.
Then whine whine whine whine…
“Temple of Doom? You’re a Temple of Ass” Not sure if better or worse than “Temple of Dung”. Meh, they’re both terrible. Then he growls at the camera. Do his fans really find that hilarious? He comes off more tryhard than “funny”.

Then he starts talking about Mortal Kombat. What about Street Fighter?
He claims that both the SNES and Genesis ports delivered a close game. …. Blood? 
Then he mentions the Sega CD version is “the closest”, except it’s not. Plus, load times for fatalities which you FAIL TO MENTION!
He ends things off going on about how a bunch of bad ports scarred him, then points to his Star Wars replica cabinet and claims they “never ported it”. Well that’s an outright fucking lie. They ported the game multiple times! Well, he did get called out for this one on Facebook and he replied, “I meant the experience never got ported, with the wire frames and joysticks”. Bullshit. You made a blatant error and now you’re trying to backtrack on it. Someone called it out on YouTube and he just said “Sorry” to that comment. Jeez, even when he’s trying to improve, he still come off as phony.

What was the point of this? Are you so bankrupt on material that you had to spend nearly 17 minutes going “Arcade good, console port bad”? I don’t have enough “Sherlocks” to “No shit” here. Anyone with a brain knows this. Was just an excuse to show off your various Arcade replicas? You know these aren’t perfect, they’re emulated ROMs. Some Arcade cabinets were built with special chipsets that make emulation somewhat difficult. Hence, more competent developers would rework the game for consoles. Of course that’s with later games.

Still, it seems like a waste of space and money to have all these around. If you really want Bad Dudes, it’s available on Switch. Or just use MAME. This just seems pointless in the long ru… hold on. Chris, are you having a midlife crisis? Is that why you brought back Irate Gamer? Is that why you basically designed your basement to look like an Arcade? Or was it COVID?

I’d end it here, but I’ve got something interesting to address. It’s Ghost Doctor related. No, nothing new really (his latest video is just reposting a local news report he was on). Rather, his “Paranormal Pandemic” video got discovered by a fairly big YouTuber. The Amazing Atheist. Yeah, I’m surprised he’s still around too. TJ and his friend Paul spent 40 minutes mocking the video. Calling out the nonsense, the insane conspiracies, even outright calling him crazy. 

Chris… actually responded.


Yeaaah I don’t think he watched it. Because they are not nice. At one point, TJ tries to translate Chris’ ramblings, only for his friend Paul to say that’s a bad translation and he gives a proper one. Which was just burbling his lips and laughing like a lunatic. 
Also, how was that not political? You claimed most politicians were Satanic, showed pictures of Adam Schiff, and claimed that ghosts are the reason everyone is crying about racism and sexism in media. Or something, the whole video was nonsense.
 
However, what I think is happening here is Chris trying to kiss up to a channel with way more subscribers. He knows The Amazing Atheist has a much larger following than him and is trying to play it cool and get everyone to watch his ghost garbage. Is his audience really the one you want? Are you that desperate for views? This just feels like a new low for him.

There are other comments he left there but they’re not worth much.

He also mentioned on Facebook that his “crew” will be in a future video. And then they’ll be gone when they dare disagree with Chris’ perfect vision, or end up being better actors than him.

Stay safe everyone.

Saturday, September 12, 2020

How to Further Kill All Your Good Will. More Old Cereal!

 No build-up, no premiere, not even a word about it on Facebook. Out of nowhere, Chris drops a new IG video. Rather, it's more I Rate the 80's (going by the thumbnail). Because he's going to talk about old licensed cereal again! This isn't why people subscribed to you Chris. Take your crusty old cardboard boxes and whack yourself in the head until you realize why people actually subscribe to you.
 
Anyway, he's going to talk about Urkel-O's. Which he mentioned in the Nintendo Cereal video, and I had to look into to see if it was real or not

The video title is DID I DO THAT? Irate NERD Reviews URKEL-O's Family Matters Cereal
At least he gets the catchphrase right. Irate Nerd though? The thumbnail has him wearing glasses. Gee, I wonder who he's trying to emulate.
The good news is that this video is short. Under 9 minutes. Surprised Chris didn't try to stretch it for YouTube revenue. 
Wait, when did Family Matters come out? *looks up* The show premiered during the Fall 1989 TV season, and the vast majority of the show took place in the 90's. Considering Urkel-mania didn't take off until the 90's... Chris once again screws up.

Onto the video.

No theme again, just the fire-laden logo. I guess that's going to be the main tell that this is an 80's video?
He brings up the joke from the last cereal video and replays the clip. Where he poorly dubs over the catchphrase error. Wooow, not even going to own up to it. Just pretend it never happened, even though your lips clearly don't match what you're saying. He seriously wants to be on TV?

"What's interesting is that some of you thought it was a joke" I WONDER WHY THAT IS?! It's certainly not because you have a history of doing stupid list jokes that end in something obviously fake.
He claims there was a lot of uproar in the comments (I wouldn't know, going into YouTube comments is like staring into madness), and some wanted him to do a "Family Matters rant". Pretty sure they meant talk about the show, not the tie-in product.

We get the intro. Only now it's "I Rate the 90's" Oh, so you are aware it was from the 90's. Then why use the 80's intro? Why not make a new one for the 90's? I know this is only your "second video" of this rebooted format, but surely you should have planned this out. ... Pffffff

But first, a sponsorship deal? No, not Raid Shadow Legends or Crunchyroll or Audible, but rather the BenQ Screenbar lamp. Are we sure this is a brand deal? Granted, he linked it in the description, but that was to the Amazon page and didn't have some offer with it. Hmmm..

Gives some info on Family Matters, how it was part of ABC's TGIF block. He lists other sitcoms that were part of it, ending on Hangin' with Mr. Cooper. This prompts a record scratch and IG saying "they can't all be winners". Is something wrong with this show? I never saw it. Looking into it, it lasted five seasons so it must have some fans. Is it like 2 Broke Girls where it's utterly awful yet somehow had enough ratings to keep going? He doesn't explain himself, and he expects his young audience to understand too.
Interestingly, he mentions Perfect Strangers, but doesn't address that Family Matters is a spin-off of that. Does he not know?
The big breakout star of the show being Steve Urkel. Then he shows a montage of him saying his catchphrase.

He gives an anecdote about how big Family Matters was in the 90's. He went to a pizza place playing it on TV and everyone was watching. The manager joked about changing it and everyone yelled "Noooo". He then claims he hasn't seen anything like that since. Definitely not now since big gatherings are still a bad idea (and anyone doing them is risking their family's lives).

How it was so big, it got a cereal. He then leans down next to a scale model of Jerry Seinfeld's apartment from his show, so he can show off his expensive toy I MEAN bring up how Seinfeld didn't get a cereal. Why would it? If Family Matters was for all ages, Seinfeld was more for older viewers. I mean, one of Seinfeld's most popular episodes was about masturbation, definitely not something you want the family watching together. "Dad, what do they mean by master of my domain?"

He shows some more old newspapers, then mentions shows it off along side his other crusty old cereals, makes another comment about Ralston-Purina and he hopes it doesn't taste like dog food. You already made a dog joke last time, get new material.
He shows an old B1G1 deal for Urkel-O's. Then he tells his audience that if they want a box, they can print out a coupon he puts on screen and take it to their nearest grocer. "I'm sure they'll honor it". Then he gives a double thumbs-up, and then rolls his eyes. Did Chris just roll his eyes at his own stupid joke? Was that intended and not a blooper he left in? This did come out pretty quickly after the last one.

"Now the moment you've all been waiting for, the review of the actual Urkel-O's box" ... Nobody has been waiting for that. Did you mix up your Puppet Steve script in here? Was that meant to be a joke? If not, I don't think he understands his audience.
He notes how this was the second box design, made for the 1992 Presidential Election with Urkel running for office. Surprisingly, no jokes about Bill Clinton.
He also admits he never bought a box when he was younger. I can believe that at least.

Then he... slowly... describes... the box. What's on it... the number of Urkels. This is not compelling!
He brings up the Proof of Purchase, and doesn't know what you'd get with those. Ah yeah, that used to be a thing, send in your Proof of Purchase to get better prizes or something. Do they still do that? 
He jokes that it's the Urkel doll from the show, and then shows a real version that he doesn't want to review. Then why bring it up? 
Opens the box, pours out the cereal, compares it to Fruit Loops. However he refuses to take a bite. Yet you had no problem eating the Nintendo Cereal. Why is this the line you won't cross?
Then he reaches in and takes out the prize. An "Urkel for President" button. Not much to say there.

Then he brings up the commercial. Starts playing the YouTube upload of it, as it cuts to IG watching and commenting on it. He calls it cringey. Glass houses Chris.
He notes the tagline of "Urkel-ized with Urkel-O's". Then he wonders that if you eat it, you'll turn into an Urkel. So he takes a bite, and turns into a "nerd", with glasses, a buttoned shirt and a nasally voice. What were you saying about cringe Chris?
"I wonder if this is how the AVGN was created" We get it! You acknowledge each other now! You don't have to keep bringing it up! James sure as hell doesn't. 
Then he mentions the short shelf life, and shows the time it was referenced on The Simpsons. Just like I mentioned before.
Then a dumb bit where he's still dressed as Urkel as he tries putting his Urkel-O's box next to the other moldy cereal only to fall over and give a "Did I Do That?"

What was the point of this? Who asked for this? I know he said at the beginning someone did, but again I'm pretty sure they were referring to the TV show not the tie-in products. 
Also, yet another cereal review where he doesn't comment on the taste. Last I checked, that's an important aspect of food! 
To reiterate, I don't think Chris knows his audience. Then again, it's dwindling all the time. Kids aren't really going to care, and most older fans jumped off ages ago. 

Can't say I expected this really. Hopefully the cereal stuff doesn't become a recurring thing because it's way too fucking niche, even for YouTube.

Oh right, almost forgot. Chris posted on Facebook that he's been asked by a Kickstarter to help them out. Which one? A Polybius replica Arcade cabinet. You can see it here.
And here's a pic of the post.


Among the first to review it huh? Perhaps you should have actually read the Kickstarter. They're not actually giving people the game, it's just a cabinet looks like Polybius. The actual content is a video of scary shit, because there's no actual Polybius. It's an urban legend.
Can't really call this a scam since they're upfront about it at least. But Chris really should have looked into it before making a fool of himself here. Also, this isn't even funded yet so there's a chance it won't come out. I swear, if he ends up making a promotional video, then his hypocrisy would be astonishing.

Thursday, September 3, 2020

When the TMNT told you to recycle, this isn't what they meant

With Chris claiming he’ll solely focus on NES games going forward, this would be a prime opportunity to cover something lesser known. Something that hasn’t been covered many times already. Maybe even dip into Japanese kusoge. … PFFFFFFF hahahahahahahaha. I couldn’t keep that up.
 
Of course not, that would require caring. Instead Chris is going to talk about Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles… again!  
 
Prior to releasing, Chris kept hinting the next video with the words “Cowabunga Shit”. This either meant “More TMNT” or “Oh great, another AVGN cameo”. I was correct on the first one, as it would be about the “history” of the first Arcade game. He also kept boasting about how this video would be 20 minutes long. Seriously, every post was like “I had so much to say I got it to 20 minutes!” Preliminary impressions tell me he had to reaaaaaally stretch it to reach that length. Especially since I can’t find too much development information about the TMNT Arcade game. The only names I can find attached to it are the composers, Konami denied credit to the people that developed the game. 
 
Then he just dropped the video. No premiere or anything. I thought you loved the chat heaping praise onto you as the video ran. Was I wrong?
From the title, it looks like he’s also going to be talking about the NES games… again. Are you that low on ideas that you must recycle old material? What are you even trying to accomplish?
Oh, but that’s not all. The title also says there will be an appearance from legendary voice Rob Paulsen, the voice of Raphael in the 1987 series and Donatello in the 2012 series. The second I saw that I rushed over to Cameo.com and wouldn’t you know it, you can buy a cameo from Mr. Paulsen for only $65 USD.  These guest stars aren’t that impressive knowing they’re simply from a site where you can do that, and for a surprisingly low fee. Granted, this is likely the best course of action considering we’re still in the middle of a plague, and nobody is taking it seriously. Robert Pattinson just got COVID and that’s only after three days of resuming Batman production. Dwayne Johnson and his family got it! Why aren’t people taking this seriously?! Is this Darwinism in overdrive?
 
Let’s get into it.
 
The video opens with an ad. Promoting TMNT toys from NECA, and a pair of video game history books from Bitmap Books. Are these official sponsorships? I don’t know. He doesn’t say anything in the description about that, and by the end doesn’t even thank anyone except for his guest. That just seems weird.
 
The actual video opens with IG commenting that it’s been an interesting season, with Ernie Hudson and AVGN showing up. Of course, because people watch you for the guest stars… what?
He states he doesn’t know what to review. That’s easy, just look at what you did before, and cross those off the list. Then pick what’s left.
That’s when we already get our Rob Paulsen cameo, using his Raphael voice to tell him to review the TMNT Arcade game. You know, this setup was slightly better in the Ghostbusters video, because Chris never touched that game. He already talked about TMNT 13 years ago. Why retread old ground? 
IG also states he’s going to go into his “disdain” for the NES version. Again, something you did 13 years ago. What’s the point?
 
Theme Song

After playing the opening part of the TMNT theme, he goes over the history. At least the cartoon (because fuck the original comic). The toys, the Archie comic, and the Arcade game. He gushes about how “a-static” he was as the game wasn’t announced (of course not, they didn’t really announce games like that back then) and he had to wait a long time to play it.
He does a list (I can already sense the padding) and gushes about the game allowing four-player mode. Not the first game to do that, Gauntlet did it years earlier. But this is Chris, and he’s not very smart.

“It was hard enough to find a 2-player game” I know Street Fighter wasn’t really big yet but that just seems wrong. “Knock me over with a Kid Icarus feather!” … What?

He admits that dumping his allowance into the game was “worth it” as the game was “so cool”, and one of the best parts is that you could switch to another turtle if you died. That only works if you’re playing alone. If you’re with three others, you’re stuck with the turtle you picked.
He then says his “only issue” (oh please) is that it didn’t have the voice actors from the show. What, you expected Konami to get the voice actors to record only like 3 lines?
But that was just an excuse to have more Rob Paulsen cameo, with Rob doing some Raphael lines. Somehow this is still the best part. I wonder how much Chris paid, because this feels like more than one $65 video.

We then get a bit where he scrambles to find a quarter before he gets a Game Over. Only to fail. Yeah that joke doesn’t really work when I know that’s a freeplay machine.

He then says in “the same summer”, Konami also released the NES game. Incorrect. The NES game came first in June 1989, the Arcade game came out November 1989. That’s not summer, that’s the holiday season. Another instance where Chris doesn’t know how time works.
Then a dumb bit where he writes a letter to Santa, and how everyone he knew had the game on their Christmas list.
After another “shell shocked” he comments how “just about every gamer bitchslapped this game already” Including you. Are we just pretending that your old videos no longer exist?
Then he claims that wasn’t true back in 1989, and he believes the game falls under what he calls the “Phantom Menace Effect”. What?

The “Phantom Menace Effect” refers to how back in 1999, nobody was allowed to say anything bad about the first new Star Wars movie in years. That’s not true. People had plenty to say about it, especially the annoying Jar Jar Binks. He acts like he didn’t like back then, but I doubt that. Chris was likely just as suckered in with the rest of the Star Wars fans. At least I was 9 years old! I had an excuse! 

And really, I don’t think that was the case in 1989. Granted, I wasn’t alive when the game came out, but I imagine plenty of people were annoyed with this game. The unfair difficulty, the poor hit detection, the odd use of source material. You were kids, you probably tried to convince yourself that this purchase or present was totally worth it, and not a waste. It happens to all of us, even now. I know plenty of adults that will defend garbage games because they dropped over a hundred on a collector’s edition. It’s called the sunk cost fallacy. It’s even worse if you invested far far too much in a mobile game.
Yeah, he goes over that. How the kids supposedly “knew” it was bad, but convinced themselves it wasn’t, and if you were doing bad you had to get better. That’s exactly what I’m talking about! For someone with a supposed degree in psychology, you really don’t seem to get it.

There’s a point in the footage where he’s in the underwater level, and he purposely swims into seaweed and dies. Still pretending to be bad huh.
He claims the game birthed a whole generation of “angry video game reviewers”. We get it, you’re one of the only people that still does this style.
Then he purposely swims through that electric coral part poorly and dies. Why are we still doing this?
He actually praises the game, listing off cool things at the start. Then goes into another list joke about the weird enemies. Because that hasn’t been done a million times… “What the hell did I just walk into? A Stephen King novel adaption video game?” Not enough cocaine. Also, it’s adaptation Chris.

He then goes on about how there should have been plenty of characters to take from the show as there were “a bazillion episodes” by 1989. I don’t know the game’s development cycle, but I presume that development began in 1988, a year before release. By then, only a handful of episodes existed. In fact, it was released after the second season, giving us 18 episodes. That’s not a lot to go off of. Granted, the arcade game was made at the same time and was far more faithful. Thing is, this is something we should look into. We should find people that worked at Konami at the time and ask, “What the hell?” I feel that would make a far more interesting video than rehashing the same tired points we’ve heard for decades now. 

Anyway, he shows villains from the show. Like catwoman April, General Traag, Mutagen Monster, and Slash. Only the first two villains are from the first two seasons, the Mutagen Monster and Slash came out afterwards. So, they wouldn’t work. At least suggest Krang, he doesn’t show up at all.
Then he suggests weird toyline exclusive characters. I guess that’s a joke?
He refers to the chainsaw guy as “Dude from Chainsaw Massacre” That’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre. How can you forget the name of one of the most iconic horror movies of all time? That’s actual iconic, not your constant misuse of it.

He gets to the infamous underwater level, and he acknowledges that it has been ripped apart a lot already but he’s going to do it anyway. WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS VIDEO?!
Some gross comparisons (elephant through a four inch dickhole) and pointless bit where he yells “Fuck” and the word appears…
He wonders how they could go from the Arcade to the NES game. Again, the NES game came first. Though they were in development at the same time, it’s likely the NES game started first. I don’t know, because this information is possibly lost to time. Only way to know is find Konami employees from the late 80’s.
Then he says “Cowabunga Piece of Shit”. Because that’s what the fans really wanted. … Was it? I don’t know, his fans can barely type.

He moves on to the NES versions of the Arcade game. TMNT II as it’s known.
He pulls out an old issue of Nintendo Power that previewed the game and says that it “looked so epic”. Really? Because they’re showing the actual in-game screenshots, and all that time ago you cried about it looking like a “pixelated nightmare”. Do you have any morals or beliefs that are consistent?
“Talk about a recipe for win” Stop, don’t make that a catchphrase. You sound even lamer than usual.
Then he pulls out a pack of Grossville High cards for no reason. … Okay?

He compared the game’s release to “the second coming of Jesus” (considering how freakishly religious his family is… never mind), and notes that one of the biggest things is the addition of two extra levels not in the original Arcade version. You mean those two extra levels you said were pointless and then you cried about how they should have tried to make the game closer to the original showing everyone what a total retard you are? THOSE LEVELS?!
Then he does the Shellshock joke again but as himself. Half-way through!

Then he yells out “Two Extra Levels” over and over again. My god the padding.
Okay, get this. He claims the advertising of the extra levels was the big selling point for him. Then why did your story change so much after 13 years? Are you lying to us again? Tell the fucking truth! Do you even pay attention to what you say?

He starts, cheers for the “iconic intro”, and then goes “What the hell is this?” when he gets to the game. Hoo boy here we go again…
“Muddy graphics” NES limitations Chris, we’ve gone over this.
“2-players only” The NES was only capable of two! Yes, some games did have a four-player option, but you still needed a special adapter to play them. Plus, even with two players, the game still has lag issues. Ever consider that? Oh right, I forgot who I was talking to.
“Talk about your boner going limp in record time” … I have no words.

Holy shit! He does understand the concept of console limitations! Bravo! You can learn! … I feel a “but” coming.
He complains that the advertising made it look like you were getting an “exact replica” of the Arcade game. That’s how advertising works dude. It’s just telling you’re getting an NES version of the Arcade game. It didn’t say exact, that’s just your pea-brain thinking that.
“It’s not a bad game” Oh really?
Then he complains that as a kid he wanted the Arcade experience. Well unless you were loaded, that wasn’t going to happen. This was the best they could do.
Wow! He repeats the “Suckass Poorman’s Version of the Arcade Game” joke. I’m not kidding, same fonts and everything. What is the point of any of this?!
He gives an “A for effort” but once again he blames the advertising. We get it, you got fooled. Everyone does. Why is he repeating the same points over and over?
He blames Nintendo Power for oversaturating the images. Maybe they were captured on an older TV? It’s possible your more modern TV displays it differently. Unless you’re playing on an emulator, which in that case it’s going to look very different.

Then he brings up the player switching aspect of the original and complains it’s not in the NES version. … Why the fuck is that an issue?!
“Your soul is fucking welded together with this turtle” I think I can see the attempt at a joke, but it still falls completely flat.
Then a really dumb bit where he tries eat his TMNT cereal (which is clearly empty) when one of the turtles shows up and IG yells at him. …. NOT FUNNY!
Again, I don’t see the issue in being able to change after death. They’re basically all the same character anyway. This feels as stupid as complaining about Abu. God, could you imagine Chris trying to do Aladdin in this format?
Then he drops another “Cowabunga Shit”. You don’t seem to understand how that works; you’re only supposed to say it once.

He brings up the Pizza Hut logos (which again was part of a promotion that included a coupon in the manual) and I’m not kidding, he repeats the “photoshopping other brands into the game” joke he made in the original video. You are an immeasurable black hole of creative bankruptcy.
Turtle Wax, Turtle Beach, hur hur because turtles. Then… a picture of the Nostalgia Critic with the words “Watch my Dick Tracy Wrist Watch review”. … Seriously? Are you so that proud of that lame joke you made in the Dick Tracy video? I don’t read his comments because I value my sanity, but was that the most positively received joke of the video by his fans? If you’re going to mock the Nostalgia Critic, get new material! He’s got years and years of it.

Then he complains the game is too hard solo and it’s easier with two players. Wow what a concept…
Then he starts praising the game again, saying it’s still accurate. Consistency? What’s that?
Then he cries about the lack of 4-player because cutscene blah blah blah. This is tiresome.
He moves onto the new levels. He complains the first one at the Zoo with all the snow makes no sense, and about the snowman robots, and about the level’s boss not being a pre-established character. How much longer?
“What a bunch of Christmas Cowabunga Snowflakey Shit!” See this is why listening to criticism is so important. It would tell you that repeating this joke over and over again isn’t funny.
Then onto the second new level which blah blah blah hard tigers blah blah blah…
Followed by some INSANE padding. Like holy shit he spends so much time trying to kill a tiger. Even when he fast-forwards the footage it just feels so long. From the way he was bragging about “20 minutes”, it felt like that was literally a goal and he pulled every move he could to reach that mark.

After mentioning the boss and comment about giving kids nightmares, he moves onto the third game. The Manhattan Project.
He’s happy because it lets him switch characters after death. I have to ask, if this was such a dealbreaker for you, why didn’t you mention it the first time? Could you be… lying?
He also notes how there’s more villains from the show. Well yeah, they have more episodes to work with now. Game came out in Japan in 91 and the USA in 92. By then they had over 100 episodes.
But then he cries some more about why the Arcade port couldn’t be like that. Followed by a fourth “cowabunga shit”. I wonder, how much of Chris’ output would change if he had someone to proofread or oversee him. Basically, slap him down and say “No, that’s a bad idea, do this instead”.

After barely touching on the third game, he says the possibility of an accurate port didn’t have a happy ending. Konami instead chose to port the Arcade sequel, Turtles in- HOLD ON! Did he call it an Arcade game? Did he finally realize that Turtles in Time was an Arcade game all along?! My god, two instances of learning! Keep this up and your integrity levels may go from Negative 99 to Negative 80.
But even then, he still complains more and more that Konami never gave us a proper SNES port of the first Arcade game. Who cares, Turtles in Time was a way better game.
He believes they didn’t want to screw up their “Numbering” system. I doubt that. If anything, they just didn’t see any financial reason. Then he drops yet another “cowabunga shit”. He’s not saying exactly that, he’s changing it up every time. But that doesn’t make it funny, it’s just annoying.

He concludes the video showing off his Arcade1UP machine. Referring to it as an “affordable reproduction”. Affordable? Not in this current climate. By today’s standards sure but a lot of people aren’t really clamoring to go out and drop $350-400+ on a pair of old Arcade games.
Then Rob Paulsen gives a generic “Boy I do love the TMNT fans. Turtle Power”.

Well that was pointless. Chris, you can’t possibly be out of ideas. There are thousands of terrible games you could cover. Why commit so much time to re-reviewing old material? Right down to telling some of the same jokes. Sure, he went more into the NES port of the Arcade game, but that really didn’t need to be a 20-minute video. The padding only made it so boring. I understand revisiting old reviews, but this changed nothing. He barely scratched the surface on the first NES game, barely talked about the third game (again) and the only change with Turtles in Time is that he finally acknowledged that it’s an Arcade original. Also, he neglected to mention the port in TMNT II Battle Nexus, or the Ubisoft published Xbox Live Arcade port (though that was delisted a looong time ago alongside the shitty Turtles in Time remake).

I’m sorry if this came off as redundant in places, but Chris really was that repetitive. See you next time when he re-reviews Contra or something. Though I can’t imagine what 80’s star he could get for that off Cameo.com since apparently he’ll only do Irate Gamer videos if he can get a guest.