Thursday, May 12, 2016

Chris Starts a New Series to Look at Boxes Full of Crap

I'm beginning to think Chris doesn't know the meaning of the word "retired". Three videos in a week? Pick a story and stick with it.

Anyway, this video was so dumb, I actually had to make a separate post. Impressive how Chris can pack quite a bit of stupidity in a little over three minutes.

Chris has started a new "series", this one covering various pop culture subscription boxes like Loot Crate. I'm impressed there's a thriving market for this. Calling it "Box Wars". How original...
Say, why did you delete your first Loot Crate video Chris? Why are you deleting so many videos? Explain yourself you censor-happy doofus.
Oh and the video is also a contest. Back into old habits I see, making every other video a contest. Guaranteed comment spam!

Starting the video. Not going to time it because it's so short.

"Alright pop culture fans" Cringey, but at least he's not saying gamers.
Declares that this is a new segment. We shall see...
It has a stupid intro. How long did that take Chris?
"And since there's so many pop culture box of goodies services out there" So many = three. Okay there's probably more but he only covered three in this.
By the way, this isn't like his other videos. This has editing, a lot of it. Possibly scripted too. How come THIS gets the editing attention?

He starts with the latest Loot Crate.
"And they're probably the most popular of them ALL" What was with that weird inflection on "all"? It sounded like he was trying to sing.
"This month's (theme) is puzzles and things of all that nature" ... Okay maybe he didn't script this.
First item is a t-shirt to "honor the death of David Bowie". Odd choice of words, I would have gone with "pay tribute". I don't know, it just sounds off.
"Featuring his likeness from the movie Labber-nith" I'm sorry what? You mean Labyrinth right? This isn't even an accent thing. How are you so bad at English?
Second item is a pair of Harry Potter socks listing Voldemort's Horcruxes.
"And I thought those two movies SUCKED" Another sentence ending on an on odd emphasis. He's referring to the Deathly Hallows. Care to explain why Bores? Also, he still doesn't seem aware that Harry Potter is based on a book...
Third item is a Legend of Zelda pin (in the shape of the Hylian Shield)
Fourth item is a poster. Bores attempts a joke saying it's a pirate periscope. Weaaak.
It's an Uncharted 4 poster. "Which will be coming out soon" Did you film this a week ago? Uncharted 4 has been out for two days now. Then again, I don't expect Bores to keep up with current gaming events. His bubble won't allow it.
Fifth item is a tooth-shaped flask from the History Channel series Vikings.
EDIT: Actually, it's a bull horn. Thanks to MacDragard for the correction.
Final item is an ice mold that allows you to create a D&D 20-sided die. That just seems dumb.

He moves onto 1Up Box
The theme is "miniatures". Which he says he in a deep booming voice for some reason.
First item is a shirt. This one has Baby Mario, Baby Luigi, Baby Peach and a Despicable Me Minion on top of a giant strawberry shortcake. ... This is really stupid. This is like a dumb deviantArt drawing. Why this crossover?
Second is a Kirby bouncy ball.
Third is an Ant-Man "drawl-string" backpack. That looks more like a bag than a backpack.
Fourth is a Despicable Me Minion decal. Not even in color.
Fifth is a Yoshi coaster. ... Why?
Final item is a Baby Mario plushie.
Bores then reveals that 1Up Box send him a second box of the same thing. He believes it's so he can get a Baby Luigi or Baby Peach plushie to "collect them all", but he just got another Baby Mario.  Then he puts a filter on, adds a scare chord, and makes a face. What's this supposed to mean? That it's "freaky" there's two Baby Marios? Please, it's not as freaky as a few Mario Kart titles where somehow Mario & Baby Mario co-exist in the same timeline. Same with Luigi, Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina.
Anyway because this is a duplicate, this is the thing being given away for the "Pick Me". Meh...

Finally onto Super Geek Box
The theme is "destiny".
First item is an Ash Ketchum hat. Which Bores claims to be really excited over. You're not a Pokemon fan! I know you're not!
Second item is a t-shirt combining Star Wars and Pokemon. Darth Vader as the trainer and Boba Fett as Bulbasaur. ... Bobasaur? Ugggggh
Third item is a bagged Marvel bobble-head. Bores got Ant-Man. Odd that there's two Ant-Man items in this video.
Fourth item is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Squirtle key-chain. Either his lighting is bad or that Squirtle looks more green than blue.
Fifth item is a "Transformers" poster featuring "SGB-01 Ultramus Prime". Okay so I looked this up and I can't find ANYTHING about an "Ultramus Prime". It looks more like a Gundam. Is it something Super Geek Box made just for this? They're not sponsored by Hasbro so this must be their way of getting around copyright. How does Bores not notice that it's clearly not Optimus Prime? It looks like Masami Obari should be upgrading it for an OVA.
The sixth and seventh items are a pair of decals with their off-brand Autobot and Decepticon logos. What are these? What are you trying to pull Super Geek Box?
Final item is a Star Wars Lightsaber lanyard. Bores tries to make this look "cool", but I'm just shaking my head in disappointment.

The video concludes with him actually picking a winner. Bores actually having to be decisive? The skies are falling!
He declares Super Geek Box the best of the month. Really? With the stupid Star Wars Pokemon shirt, the knock-off Transformers and the dumb lanyard?
The reason it wins is all the Pokemon stuff. You're not a fan! Quit trying to act like you are! I know your fans are a bunch of little kids that would probably believe that, but you don't do a good job showing that you know anything about the franchise outside of a few basic details.
He gives out a few extra awards.
Coolest shirt if the "Labber-nith" shirt from Loot Crate.
Coolest item is the Ash Ketchum hat from Super Geek Box (again with trying to be Poke-fan)
Lamest item is the Viking flask. He looks so confused by it. It's a bull horn you dumbass. How do you not see this? Also, how is THIS the lamest item? What about the colorless Minion decal, or the Yoshi coaster, or the Lightsaber lanyard,  or that awful knock-off Transformers stuff? You have shit taste!

Soooo, how long until Bores abandons this series? One could be optimistic and say "after this one", but this video will probably do "okay" because it's also a contest, and those are prime for view & comment spamming. Want some proof? The tech review he posted on Monday has 440 comments. The terrible phone app on Tuesday? At least 57 (who knows how many he's deleted). Chris knows what he's doing, but this won't last him long. People will grow even more tired of him and his poor content and his shilling.
He calls this a review in the title, but it's barely one. He just lists the items and then says "best and worst" at the end. That's not a review. Then again, he has a really bad habit of calling things that aren't reviews "reviews" *cough*E3*cough*.
Hope this junkfest is worth the $60 a month you're paying for this Chris.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Who Needs Integrity? Let's Keep Selling Out!

I thought semi-retirement meant he would stop making awful videos like these?

Out of nowhere, Bores posted two videos in the last two days. Both very low quality as per usual. But that's what happens when you no longer care about your image and find selling out to be a much easier venture. Maybe you should be taking real offers and not spam from Chinese companies?

First video is a "MASSIVE" tech review, in that he looks at eight products. All of them terrible! Of course, the review is just a lot of "this is really cool" on top of very basic descriptions. Nothing stands out. Well, at the end he plays some random music and claims it's from Final Fantasy VII. ... I have never heard that song in the game. Unless it's a remix that he has on his phone for some reason, but I can't tell what song that is.
Oh and guess what? It's a contest video! It's the same shit. Write "Pick Me" in the comments box "blow" and you'll be randomly selected. What a sham.
Who are you trying to appeal to Chris? Nobody likes these videos. Well, except this one since you're giving away free shit and suddenly people come out in droves to get a little something. If you wrote "Pick Me", you need to take a step back and find better headphones or lights or whatever crap he's trying to hock onto you.

The second is for an app called "Busker Boss". The hell is a busker? *searches* Oh, street performers. The game itself looks very boring. You just tap shit. There is no gameplay. It's not like Yo-Kai Watch Wibble Wobble where there's actual thinking involved. There is nothing here.
Apparently if Chris had a band, it would be called "The Chris Tones". Ego much?
"... you tap the people and then you lynch them for all their money." ... Very poor choice of words Chris. Do you not know what that means?
Bland descriptions of what you do, and he claims there are other minigames but all he showed was the tapping. Did someone really pay him to do this? Who could be so desperate?
Thankfully, the fans hate this one. Dislikes taking over (make sure to save both these videos as per usual).

Tone it down Chris. Even Metallica is saying you're selling out too much. *thinks* Is that joke too dated?

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

9 Years Later, and Chris Still Commits Plagiarism

One of the purposes of this blog was to showcase that Chris Bores has more problems than ripping off other reviewers. I feel I've succeeded in showing that to plenty of people.
But even to this day, when Chris is in "semi-retirement", he still can't help but outright steal from other sources without credit.

In this case, an article he posted over at his site.
An article discussing the 2016 Ghostbusters trailer being the most disliked movie trailer on YouTube. (An archive link in case he tries to change or delete things)
Here's the thing, only one line of that article is original (the very first one "Whoa, I knew this one would not bode well with pop culutre fans of the original, but not like this!"). Everything after that, is taken from ScreenRant's article. He also removed a couple paragraphs at the end.

As you can see in IG's article, no credit to ScreenRant at all. Plus, the writing is clearly too intelligent to be Chris. You'd never hear him discuss the possible sexism towards this move without making a fool of himself.

Come on Chris. Haven't you learned anything? You even recently said on Facebook, while celebrating Teacher Appreciation Day, that you're thankful to them for everything you learned. Are you just blowing smoke out of your ass? Granted if you really did learn anything, you wouldn't be a complete joke on YouTube.

By the way, it's been over 9 years since Chris started the Irate Gamer. On April 28th 2007, he posted the Back to the Future video. The start of something stupid.

Friday, April 22, 2016

IG Starts a New "Season" With More Stale Jokes about the Duck Hunt Dog

Looks like we’re back everyone! Seems “semi-retirement” means “I’ll release a video whenever the fuck I feel like it”. No more shitty tech reviews, no more art books, just a video crapped out every couple of months. That’s my guess anyway. He’s replaced his channel banner to just say “The Irate Gamer”. No more “new videos every Tuesday and Friday”.
I have heard that a Multi Channel Network can drop you if views are really low. Considering Bores no longer belongs to CDN/Studio 71, it’s likely they dropped him for abysmal views. I have to wonder what advice they gave him to get his channel to grow and if he ever took any of it. Chris has a really bad history of never taking criticism or advice to help him. Hell, he only started doing Let’s Play videos last year (and then stopped).

Sooooo yeah, a new regular Irate Gamer episode is here. He’s actually been teasing this one for a few weeks. The title indicates that this is the beginning of “Season 6”. Meaning Season 5 was only 10 episodes (12 if you count History of Video Games, and I don’t) and the finale was… Excitebike. Wow, lame.
How is he going to start this new season? Go back to talking about legitimate bad games? NOPE! More bashing of classics. Starting with Duck Hunt. … The video is 6:18 long (less when you consider the end slate). Considering how little gameplay there is, I sense this is going to be padded as fuuuuuuck.

Let’s look at the description.
“This time taking a look at the classic video game, Duckhunt and the stupid dog!” Duck Hunt is two words you illiterate idiot!
Also “and the stupid dog”? This is going to be all about the damn dog isn’t it? I sense jokes more stale than year old licorice.
“You know what I'm talkin' about!” Do we? Do we really?

Intro’s still the same. No updates for this new “season”.

0:17 - 0:46: Duck Hunt is “iconic“, ducks get faster in each level, cue a bit where a duck hits him in real life. I’m already bored.
He notes how Duck Hunt was packaged with the NES on release, and shows it alongside Super Mario Bros. Incorrect. For the very first NES release, Duck Hunt launched alongside Gyromite. It wasn’t until later that it was packaged with Super Mario Bros. This is a basic NES fact, how do you keep getting so many things wrong Chris?
He notes various releases of the game, which is a list joke leading into a pointless Brady Bunch reference. This is why watching too much Family Guy is hazardous to your health.

0:46 - 1:29: He drops the cartridge and… oh noooo. The Pixel Demon is back. Really? We’re doing storyline bullshit again? He still doesn’t look like pixels, or a demon. He just looks a crappy ogre or troll.
So he appears and… walks off screen. Okay so it’s just setting up pointless bullshit later in the video.
“To play this particular game however” Awkward sentence. Do you ever proofread your scripts?
He brings up the light gun. Then he asks “What’s a Light Gun?” … You can’t say that line when you’ve used the Zapper on multiple occasions, or the Super Scope, or the Odyssey Rifle. Oh, it just leads to a bit where he points the barrel at his face and blinds himself with light. Even though that makes zero sense!
Explains that it reacts to light on the TV, and he keeps failing. Then brings up that it won’t work on new televisions as we see he now has a tiny flat-screen HD TV. Seriously that looks like it’s 20 inches. I didn’t even know they still made TVs that small.
So he needs to get an older model, and it replaces his HD TV with one from the 50’s. Dumb joke. Then his usual Sharp TV. I just realized, if he actually explained his points normally without a cutaway or stupid reaction attached, his videos would only be like 2 minutes long. He has no content, just bad jokes.

1:30 - 2:34:
He goes over the first two modes, how you only get three bullets, and if you miss everything the dog will laugh at you.
“What a DEEICK” Yes yes, we haven’t heard this joke a billion times already…
He brings up that you need to kill 6/10 to advance and REALLY? You have to use the “Green Circle of Fucking Obvious” on this? Well it’s more an oval but still. My brain is hurting…
Ducks get faster, hide behind the greenery, obvious editing in use (like holy shit it’s blatant), and he misses and the dog laughs. Bored.

2:35 - 2:53: Pixel Demon shows up on his shelf, says it’s time for his revenge. IG misses ducks again (wow, how do you suck at Duck Hunt?), he throws his zapper like a child and it manages to hit the Pixel Demon. Well that was pointless.
Dog laughs at him again. “God I wish I could shoot that dog”. Didn’t you already do that back in the Jaws “review”? Then again, Chris seems to have a memory made of Swiss cheese so I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot all about that. This is the same guy that reviewed Rayman Legends twi- … *checks* Oh shit, he deleted the second Rayman Legends video. I always seem to discover a new deleted video every time I look. Hopefully someone has been saving everything.

2:53 - 3:22: He says one major downside is that the screen never changes. You never go to other locations like forests, deserts, tundras or the moon. While that could be a good point, you have to remember that this was a VERY early NES game. It came out in Japan in 1984, a good year before Super Mario Bros, which had plenty of screen variation.
Though this was likely an excuse to have the Duck Hunt dog suffocate in space and have his head explode. Keep it classy Chris. Also, how do the ducks fly around in this imaginary moon level if there‘s no air or gravity? Throwing logic out the window for terrible jokes.
Still complains it‘s only one screen. “Talk about your Lake Shittycacas” That name was dirty enough before, you ruined the joke. God damn it Chris.
Then he commits suicide with the Zapper. This is what, the fourth time he’s done this? I don’t care to check.

3:23 - 3:45: First 20 levels are easy, then they get hard. How does anyone think Chris is a good reviewer? The points he makes are fucking obvious.
Then an obvious edit of the game going super fast, and an even more obvious edit of more than two ducks on the screen (pretty sure the game would break if that happened)
“Die you motherfuckers” Back to uncensored cursing I see.
Then he screams “Damn it!”, shoots his ceiling and a shitty debris effect falls on him. Review over? I wish.
Then he fucking growls at the dog. Are you five? You’re reminding me of Chris-chan when he tried to “bare his teeth” like an animal to scare away the trolls.

3:46 - 4:10: Then the Pixel Demon shows up again. This time he successfully attacks IG, but apparently he’s nothing more than a bug to him.
“A Pixel Demon?!” Wait, there’s more than one?! Or was that Chris not checking his script again?
So apparently the Pixel Demon can “glitch games”. Is that what he was doing with Silver Surfer? I thought he was a great menace that was locked away in a super hard game. Chris, don’t tell me you’ve forgotten your own bullshit writing? I thought you were proud of your “movie”?
Anyway, because he can “glitch games”, IG shoves him into the Zapper, and he manages to kill the dog. Oh god this is so dumb… The overly dramatic music that plays only showcases how dumb it really is.

4:11 - 5:49: He moves onto the Clay Shooting game and briefly describes it. Calling them “clay discs” instead of clay pigeons but whatever. Then he edits in the dog to laugh at him. IG yells that he’s not supposed to be here, and the dog gives him an angry thumbs up? Oh wait that’s supposed to be a middle finger. How has your sprite editing gotten even worse?
Then… things get really bad.
He shakes the Zapper to get the Glitch Gremlin I mean Pixel Demon out and into an NES controller. He presses the A button and it… summons a Super Mario pipe, and Zelda music plays when it appears. Where is the sense?!
IG jumps into the pump head first, oh good he’ll die on the way down. No, he just ends up inside the game. He starts chasing the dog and they start going through different games. It goes on for a long fucking time. Super Mario Bros 3, Kung-Fu, Metroid, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Life Force, DuckTales, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game, Gyromite, Mega Man, Mortal Kombat?!  That’s not even an NES game! No, this is so he can uppercut the dog off the Pit and into the spikes below. This. Was. Fucking. Retarded!

Of course, there’s the “plz subscreeb” end slate. He claims that whole ending scene took him 12 hours. … Am I supposed to be impressed?

Same shit, different day.
To be honest, when I heard the Pixel Demon would be back, I thought we’d get something slightly different. Something more than the usual gray slop he’s been giving us for the past year. But no, it’s more of the same, the Pixel Demon was pointless anyway. It was more of the usual crap. The game is hard, limitation complaints, pointless complaints, tons and tons and tons of padding, holy shit that last scene felt like it went on and on. And why? He already killed the dog back in his Jaws review, this just feels so pointless.
I don’t understand how people are saying this is a good video. Nothing about it is good. The jokes are old and stale, or just dumb, the effects are mediocre, he made zero good points, yet somehow people are saying “OH GREAT VIDEO HERP HERP HERP”. I just don’t get it. Please explain to me IG fans why you think his videos are still good?

Who knows when Chris is going to put out another video? Especially if he’s in “semi-retirement”.

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Is This the End of Irate Gamer?

I know I just made a post, but Chris finally broke radio silence and dropped a bomb today on Facebook.

"I've been getting questions about the next IG Episode. The character is pretty much semi-retired at this point since the channel didn't see a big enough growth last year. I haven't had enough free time to edit episodes lately that require many man hours so I'm not sure when the next episode will be completed. Thanks for continuing to support the show, I love all the fans!"

 Well... this could be real.

Now I know he mentioned retirement before, and then 24 hours later said "Turns out I'm sticking around haha!" since it was a clear attempt at fishing for praise. "No don't go Chris we love you" and all that. However, this sounds much more serious. The red flag is "the channel didn't see a big enough growth last year", which I imagine was his experimental "three videos a week" phase that only ended up driving people away with terrible style changes (CRAZY videos) and severe selling out.
This does coincide with my discovery that he's no longer part of a Multi-Channel Network (according to Socialblade). 

By the way, this tells me his "technical difficulties" excuse was a lie. Knew it!

This could also mean that he's not completely done. Just that IG episodes will be even slower than usual (which would be impressive considering the "storyline" years saw like 2-3 IG episodes a year). We'll likely see a lot more stupid toy videos as those don't take long to edit. Though I hope this means he's done with all the selling out, no more terrible tech reviews or art books. 

Does this mean I'm done? No. Just that output will be a lot slower to match his. There's still his possible second book (which I doubt will really happen) and his alleged Hardcore Pawn appearance (if that hasn't been cancelled). As he says, the episode he was working will eventually come out, and I will cover that.

If Chris goes through with a full retirement instead of a "semi" one... I called it. Chris, you never tried. You didn't want to try. You never accepted help, you turned away countless people, you tried to take the easy way without realizing that trends change and people change and people get older. You stayed stagnant relying on the same tired jokes and ideas, even when you tried to do your own thing to avoid Angry Video Game Nerd comparisons, you relied on pointless references and random humor. You still showed amateur knowledge of games, complaining about things that are standard, and your attempt to bash beloved classics only showed you had no clue what you were doing. The last year also had you jump on trends far too late, and you didn't understand what made those trends work. I've had many former fans of yours come to me, realizing that you were really only funny when they were 11 or 12 years old, but as they grew older they realized that you weren't funny at all, even on nostalgia. Speaking of, you're approaching 9 years on YouTube (not counting Y2B2006), old enough to be considered "internet nostalgic" and what do you have to show for it? Your channel hasn't even come close to 200k subs. Channels started much later managed to skyrocket past you (Markiplier and The Completionist began in 2012, JonTron in 2010) and you never tried to adapt. When you tried to make a separate Skylanders channel amidst complaints that you were releasing too many videos about them, you lasted a week and came back to your regular channel crying that "YouTube is too different". Not even trying to learn what's changed, or ask someone for help. I imagine Guru Larry, who had spent YEARS trying to help you, would have offered tips. But you never listened, you never took criticism. You hid behind sock accounts to deflect criticism (the most notable being your "mother"), you had your friend Eric Allen do the same early on (Eric, contact me, I've got questions), and after years of avoiding the most common criticism you received, you spoke out about it and instead threw everyone under the bus. You didn't really apologize, you played the victim while crying that James Rolfe is a big bad bully that purposely sabotaged you (without showing ANY evidence of this). You fucked up Chris, you tried to make easy money by stealing an idea, for a hobby you clearly have no clue about, and it got way too big and way over your head and you were forced to keep going, resulting in the position you're in now. Do you even have genuine fans at this point? Even DarkSydePhil somehow has those, and he's in a worse position than you.

I hope you're proud of yourself Chris. Enjoy your fucking ghosts.

Again, there might be more videos so this is not a goodbye post. But it will likely be a while before I post again.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

PSA: Beware the Fake Irate Gamer

Still no videos or updates. But I do need to address something.
Recently, I've been getting people telling me that Irate Gamer insulted them. That isn't entirely true. It's someone posing as the Irate Gamer, using his channel name and avatar. Calling people liars, attention whores, cursing at them, doing a lot of harm to Chris' (remaining) image.

This is the fake channel.
Notice how there's nothing there? If you see IG being hostile to someone, click his name and see if it's the fake. Chances are it's the fake.
Why Chris doesn't block this guy I don't understand.
So before you leave a comment here or e-mail saying that Chris cursed at you or called you a name, click the channel.

Another thing to note. I was checking his Socialblade page and I saw that he's no longer part of Collective Digital Studio (or Studio71). In fact, under "Network/Claimed By", it's listed as "None". He's not part of an MCN right now.
Chris, how about telling us what happened. Break the radio silence for once in your life. People want to know.

Saturday, March 19, 2016

Did Chris Give Up Again?

Another Friday gone by where Chris doesn't post anything. He's claiming "technical difficulties" but that excuse can only go so far, especially when he won't say what these difficulties are. I get the feeling he's being lazy or something is happening that he doesn't want to bring up.

March has been dead. On the 1st he posted another damn Skylanders video. He can't claim that his Skylanders stuff is popular because the views for that video are crap. Maybe now is the time to retire the toys. I mean, he retired everything amiibo related (including that blog), how about adding Skylanders to that list. Especially when you made it clear that you don't like any of the games after the first, complaining about "gimmicks" and you just want simple & stupid. Maybe that's why views are down too?

Then nothing nothing nothing until March 15th when he posted another art book "review". This one about The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. I normally don't cover those because it's always the same thing. Chris looks through the book, says the pictures are cool, says there's text, and that fans of the game would probably like it. It's always obvious that he never actually played the game in question (though in the case of Fable Legends, nobody will play that game).
This is all just Chris selling out hard. He has no content, so he shills products most people likely won't buy. Despite what some people claim, selling out isn't "making money making internet videos", that's just capitalism. Chris making videos to promote garbage, that's selling out. He can't even get brand deals like Audible or Crunchyroll, who work with countless YouTube channels to promote their services, and those people always save the promotion for the end of the video. They don't make separate videos where the sole purpose is to shill the product or service.

Also, Chris claimed in the video that it's "review week" on his channel. .... He only posted one video. That's not a review week! Hell, shouldn't "review week" be YOUR JOB! Posting something every week?! God how dense are you?

The upcoming IG video better be like 12 minutes long. If it's short like the Excitebike video, then I know he's full of crap.