Wednesday, September 10, 2014

GHOSTS. ARE NOT. REAL!

As you've likely noticed, Bores has not posted anything of substance in a while. Last two videos were Skylanders related and they were the same vlog crap he's been doing for a while now.

So what has he been doing? Well, my Facebook informant has noticed he's been talking about ghosts a lot. Constantly pushing his new "Pursuit of the Paranormal" fan page (and yet he didn't bother to make one for the Irate Gamer... shows where his priorities truly lie). He's been mentioning "something huge" for Halloween. Considering how his past "successes" were nothing more than blinking lights, I can't imagine this will be much different.

Well, Bores posted a newspaper with an article about what he does for a living. Yeah, we finally figured out his job outside of YouTube. He provides lectures on how to hunt ghosts at a Toledo-based art center. .......................................... Oh wow. (http://issuu.com/toledofreepress/docs/tfp_090714/1?e=1807196/9203184 Article on Page 17 and 18)
Look Chris, if you worked in an office, or in retail, or a restaurant, or even a factory, I would have just said "alright" and moved on, understanding why you don't make videos often. But the fact that your job, the way you make a living, is to teach people how to find something that isn't even fucking real. You are soooo not off the hook. If anything, this just gives people more fuel.
I know there are quite a few people that complain that producing online reviews "isn't a real job". It's far more real than this, online reviews are something tangible, something with substance. They're a far better use of time and money than lecturing people on how to hunt something that's not real!

And what gets me is another comment he made the other day, saying how other panelists at this convention he was at were never giving straight answers and he was giving nothing but facts. What facts? The ones from your ass? You were at a convention with psychics and similar new-age bullshit people. Nothing said there was "factual", don't try to make yourself sound superior.

It's just like the time he called into the Coast to Coast radio show while they had another paranormal person on and tried to give his own opinion on ghosts, with the guest answering his question, but then he went to Facebook and tried to claim how "my evidence disproves his evidence" and that they muted and hung up on him. It sounded like he wanted to use the show as a platform for what he thinks but they "didn't allow him". Hear what really happened here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEmyawwLN60

Is this really what you truly want Chris? Trying to teach people something that won't help them? Your video game reviews sucked, but they were something. Had you not burned every possible bridge out there, maybe you wouldn't be trying to teach people bullcrap, or only making stupid vlogs about Skylanders.

You think we'll get anything of substance for the rest of the year?

Monday, September 1, 2014

An Irate Game Theory by Brandon Brown

Hey everybody. Since Bores is drilling himself deeper into the Skylanders hole with no intention to get out, the blog has been sparse.
So a reader offered to contribute content, his own theory on what the Irate Gamer is.
After this line, read Brandon's theory. Enjoy.


Just What is Up With the Irate Gamer Anyway?

    Hello there, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Brandon Brown. It might not mean much right now, but let it be known for the record. Now, the following exposition assumes that you're vaguely familiar with the Irate Gamer's work at best (unless, of course, you're reading this from the blog; in which case, the majority of it will be preaching to the choir.) If you're not,  you will be by the end of this.

    Started in 2007 by Chris Bores, the Irate Gamer became one of the better known reviewers of the first game reviewing boom that occurred in the infancy of YouTube. Though his show was one of the more successful ones to come out of this lucrative time, it was also, quite possibly, the most universally reviled of all. The reasons for this ranging from, what many viewers perceived to be, a lack of substance suffocated with gratuitous special effects, intellectually dishonest representations of many beloved games, sub-par writing, acting, and direction, and even plagiarism from the works of other reviewers, most notably the Angry Video Game Nerd. However, the past transgressions of Mr. Bores will not be the main focus of this exposition, but will be cited at certain times to give backing to the assertions to which they apply.

    Let's begin with the very character of the Irate Gamer himself. If there's one thing Mr. Bores has  done right by the character, it's that he consistently gets mad about some of the details of each game that he reviews. Unfortunately, that's one of the only things about the Irate Gamer that is consistent. For example, he gets mad at Contra for being difficult, but then gets mad at Power Rangers on the Sega Genesis for being easy. On top of that, he's very inconsistent with how he treats his friends. In the MUSCLE review, he makes his friend Tony welcome to be a part of the review and even values his opinion of the game. In the review of Power Rangers on the Super Nintendo, however, he throws him out after making a simple observation. What's worse than this is the Irate Gamer's tendency to frequently dabble in a bit of the old ultra-violence. This can be seen not only in the ways that he destroys many of the games he reviews, which would be extremely gruesome if recreated on humans, but also in the ways that he just plays the games. Like in the Goonies 2 episode where the Irate Gamer repeatedly strikes an elderly woman in the game with a hammer, and takes pleasure in needlessly causing her pain.

    Not only does he dabble in that, but also in the occasional killing of other characters. Unlike the Angry Video Game Nerd's violent encounters with Freddy Krueger,  Jason Voorhees, and even Bugs Bunny, where his killings are more justified as his life appears to be in grave danger as a result of their actions, most of the Irate Gamer's homicidal incidents are either caused by an annoyance or, in the case of R.O.B. The Robot, his abusive nature.

    A truly odd phenomenon you might pick up on as you watch the Irate Gamer Show is that most of victims who are killed off in this fashion tend to reappear alive in a later episode. Though an average viewer could chalk this up to one of the many discontinuities that Bores' flawed writing lets slide, I believe that it's possible that they are apparitions formed by the Irate Gamer's conscience, the voices of his victims resonating with the hope that he will reflect on the consequences of his actions. Their cries fall on deaf ears, as the Irate Gamer doesn't pay them the attention that the reappearance of a previously killed off character should reasonably be getting or even show remorse for any of his actions, and since their deaths don't have any major impact whatsoever as far as the narrative is concerned, it's almost as if he wants the viewer not to think about it either.

    This isn't to say that he has only shed the blood of innocents in his 7-year run. The most justifiable is found in the Predator episode. While it's questionable as to why the Predator appears in the way that he does, it's unmistakable that he wants to kill the Irate Gamer. In spite of the Predator's uncharacteristic weakness, the Irate Gamer overpowers and kills him, and he never reappears in the later episodes. If you've seen the Season 4 story arc, you might be wondering why I've omitted the Odyssey clones, namely the giant one, but I'll explain that later.

    As deplorable or occasionally understandable each killing is, none of them is surpassed by his actions in the conclusion of his ET episodes. Following a highly improbable escape from the FBI, and the subsequent “reviews” which, for no explained reason, required him to return to the place that they were at in order to be completed, the Irate Gamer puts all of the ET games into a box with what is supposed to be an explosive device. The box is then retrieved by what we can assume are the aliens that brought ET home in the film. The Irate Gamer seems satisfied to have made the reunion possible. This is until he reflects on all of the displeasure that the games caused him over the past two episodes. Without any hesitation, he triggers the explosives, destroying the alien spacecraft in the process.

    Any person who knows their history and/or keeps track of world events can reasonably infer that an attack on a vessel, military or civilian, is usually elevated to a global crisis soon after it occurs. By extension, an attack on an extraterrestrial vessel, could quite possibly spur a conflict of interstellar proportions. A conflict that could lead to an all-out war against humanity, one that could bring its extinction well into the realm of possibility, all because of one ultra-violent video game reviewer's petty annoyance with some poorly made games. Nevertheless, it won't matter because no matter how much trouble his weakness in the forebrain will cause him to get into, his most ideal scenario will always play out in the end. It's mainly because of Bores' anemic writing that all of the Irate Gamer's conflicts are ultimately rendered pointless and cheap, as he never really has to grow or overcome anything because something will always happen, whether logic permits or not, that will solve his problems for him. The ultimate casualties are the missed opportunities for interesting and satisfying stories, such as an interstellar war that could have been rich in science fiction themes; but even if Bores were to do such a thing now, it would seem like quite the afterthought given how far removed the subsequent episodes are from the idea.

    Now, it would be wise for me to get off the subject of killing before it becomes cancerous and corrupts the bigger theory ahead, so I'll now turn to the Evil Gamer for the time being. The Evil Gamer first appeared in the Super Mario Bros. 2 episode, and despite his namesake, he began as a relatively mild character who looked exactly like the Irate Gamer. Despite having less than a minute of screen time before hand, he attempts to violently takeover the Irate Gamer's show, but fails and gets killed by the Irate Gamer (trust me, we're past the whole killing thing... for now). He spends a considerable amount of time plotting against the Irate Gamer in Hell, yet this can only be assumed since none of the planning is shown or explained until it has been executed, and he eventually ends up roaming the Earth once more. The Monster Party episode begins with him explaining that he was the mastermind of certain attempts on the Irate Gamer's life, and that he is going to put his ultimate scheme to get rid of the Irate Gamer into motion very soon. Predictably, it ends in failure. It's also notable that the Evil Gamer's appearance changes to, based on Bores' Back to the Past video, what is assumed to be the way Bores looked in his younger years.

    The Season 4 story arc has the Evil Gamer demoted to being a simple minion of the Shadow Overlord (clever name, by the way, Bores). It's in the 7-Up Spot episode that we see Evil Gamer making an attempt to steal the Irate Gamer's Magnavox Odyssey so that the Shadow Overlord can make an army of robots based on the computer HAL that the Irate Gamer fought against during the History of Video Games series. After finally accomplishing something, the Evil Gamer, along with the original HAL who has been given a body and the name RED (which stands for, get this, Robotic Electromat[sic] Device. Pure genius), gives orders to the army of Odyssey clones to start a war.

    Irate Gamer responds by sending ROB the Robot, who, despite being completely disintegrated in the conclusion of the eponymous episode, has been repaired and reprogrammed to be one of the “good guys” (Again, I'll be explaining this at the end, which is near), out to fight the clones. Seven episodes (and two years in real time) later, the Shadow Overlord unleashes his final ace-in-the-hole: a giant Odyssey Clone which, oddly enough, is the only one that even begins to demonstrate that it's actually a threat. He does this by knocking down buildings and trampling the X-Men, half of them having just come back to life after being killed four episodes prior by, who else, the Irate Gamer (and here I was thinking that he should be the hero of the story. Syndrome from The Incredibles seems to be a more benign character than him, and a better written one I might add).

    A mysterious figure then appears before the Irate Gamer and takes him somewhere to “meet up with his friends”. This mysterious figure, for those who can recall the highly forgettable He-Man and the Masters of the Universe episode, is the same person who gave the Irate Gamer the Sword of Macguffin and the Power of Macguffin/Macguffin Force that accompanies it (No, that's not a cheap insult, it's merely the form of the plot device stripped of its total unoriginality). What does this omnipotent force afford him you ask? It pretty much just changes his shirt a different color, allows him to go inside a television, and gives him the ability to attempt to suspend disbelief to the point that one could think that the X-Men, despite having dealt with many superior behemoths, namely the Sentinels, throughout the comics, TV shows, and even the most recent film, are incapable of handling the situation yet a homicidal, third-rate, Internet video game “reviewer” and his merry band of severely underdeveloped companions are the only people who can get the job done.

    So, after over six months of real time, the cloaked stranger takes the Irate Gamer to a place where we see his frequent punching bags (I mean, friends) and an elderly fellow named the Sage Elder (refer to Shadow Overlord comment) who tells them that they must pilot a Megazord just like in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, as the Wise Sage points out. “Quiet you, you wanna get us all sued?” says the Elder not realizing that a simple name drop is trivial compared to the blatant lifting of copyrighted ideas and footage found over the next two episodes (Episodes which Bores fully intends to sell on a DVD for the purpose of economic gain despite not owning of all their content or likely even having the proper authorization to profit from it).

    Their plan hits a snag as the Megazord is out of power, and the Irate Gamer must use the Power of Macguffin/Macguffin Force in order to make it fully operational. Conveniently, the way he is told to summon it is by “reviewing” another game: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the Sega Genesis. (Now here's a fast fact: This episode was my main motivation for escalating my distaste with the Irate Gamer Show to the point of actually writing about it. More specifically, it was the fact that he “reviewed” a game on the Sega Genesis, which was the first console I ever played extensively and could recall fond memories of.) After successfully regaining power, the Irate Gamer and company take on the giant Odyssey Clone. Despite the stock footage having put up a strong fight, the Megazord falls and is about to be destroyed.

    In the final episode, the Genie saves the day just before the giant Odyssey Clone can finish the Irate Gamer Team. He diverts the Clone's attention long enough for the Irate Gamer to “review” Mighty Morphin Power Rangers for the Sega CD. It's when the Genie becomes fatigued that the Megazord reaches full power once more. This time, Irate Gamer is equipped with the Sword of Macguffin (which, despite originally being made of plastic and small enough to be handled by a single man, is now the same as the sword used by the Megazord in the TV show). The Irate Gamer makes short work of the Clone, with the Clone yielding and uttering “Please don't hurt me.” before being killed. The citizens of Nondescript Greenscreen City, populated by a few guest stars, some of whom were former detractors of his, and, as the credits read, “a lot of Chris Bores's” (Now that's guaranteed to have a red line under it, SuperGGangsta.), make a joyful noise unto the Zord. Even the departed X-Men cheer from the heavens despite having been sent there by the Zord's pilot in the first place. The body of the giant Odyssey then crushes the Shadow Overlord, making RED and the Evil Gamer free to go get pizza, and the Irate Gamer inspired to “review” more games in the future; and there you have the Season 4 story arc in summary (An arc that would probably take as long, if not a shorter lapse of time, to watch it as it would to read it).

    Now, before I get to the big reveal, I'll give my final thoughts on how Mr. Bores can improve future episodes should he decide to keep the show alive. First and foremost, the very structure of the reviewing portion needs an almost complete makeover. So little is actually done right (among those most of the basic facts) with his current reviewing format that each flaw continually becomes more obvious with each episode, culminating in the last two episodes where he transparently shows us that even though he and everyone around him are in “immediate danger”, the Irate Gamer still has all the time he needs to play and review games with the same demeanor and amount of content as other less perilous episodes. Despite what that little metahumor suggests, I'm not so dense as to not mention that Mr. Bores most likely spends more time than that playing the games, but such gems as the Brutal Legend and South Park: Stick of Truth IG Neo episodes seem to raise doubts on the notion. Last but not least, he should sharpen the writing as a whole. Besides the reviewing, the plots should be more complex, the characters, Irate Gamer most of all, should be more likable, the comedy should be more set-up and deliberate instead of opting for the Seltzerberg-esque approach which has plagued his videos in varying degrees. I could go on, but, quite frankly, enough is enough. Now we get to the marrow, and perhaps the very soul, of this misguided work of fiction we know as the Irate Gamer.

    Trusting that you'll recall the reappearance phonemenon that I mentioned (if you don't, I suggest scrolling up a bit), I'll continue with the example of the Evil Gamer. The change in his appearance which I spoke on earlier has a more symbolic meaning than it seems to let on. This is because the Evil Gamer represents Bores' opinions of the Angry Video Game Nerd. At first glance, he looks identical to the Irate Gamer and, despite not being much of a friend to him, has a noticeable yet downplayed presence in the show until he unsuccessfully attempts to kill him. Following this failure, the Evil Gamer continues to bear the same resemblance and attempt to kill the Irate Gamer. It's after the Evil Gamer's escape from Hell that his appearance changes to that of the younger Bores and his schemes turn even more cartoonishly grandiose, with him spawning an entire army of clones who oppose the Irate Gamer with a Magnavox Odyssey.
   
    Translated, the identical appearance refers to vast similarity between AVGN and the Irate Gamer (which is widely believed to have been caused by Bores plagiarizing AVGN material) and Evil Gamer's initial presence represents James Rolfe's intention to ignore Bores' work. The Evil Gamer's fruitless efforts in Hell represents the “retaliatory” increase in production scale that AVGN episodes of the time began to see. The change in appearance, logically, represents the Irate Gamer becoming a more different reviewer than the AVGN by depicting AVGN as what he used to look like. The Magnavox Odyssey represents the old technology that the AVGN built his show on and the clones represent the mindless entities who are assumed to be his fans.

    Let's now move onto RED and the Giant Odyssey Clone. While RED could possibly be, by loose interpretation, a more contemporary gaming personality such as JonTron considering Evil Gamer brought him to life in his more refined form and he commands a sizable following, RED most likely represents Mike Matei as he previously did battle with the Irate Gamer, is close to Evil Gamer, and commands a sizable following alongside Evil Gamer. While the battle I refer to occurred during the History of Video Games series, it represents another incident where Mike Matei leaked a PM that was sent to the AVGN's YouTube channel by Chris Bores wherein he confessed that he was fully aware of the similarities between their programs, and even showed interest in doing a crossover. The Giant Odyssey Clone is a collective representation of AVGN's fame, credibility, character, and influence. In more concise terms, the Giant Odyssey Clone is everything that AVGN built. It's portrayed as only being destructive, and most of the time that it's onscreen, it is seen muttering “Destroy.” with every building it knocks down. This changes when it is brought to the brink of destruction by the Irate Gamer, at which point it cries “Please, don't hurt me.” However, it must be noted that the deus ex machina in the form of the Genie was the only thing that made Irate Gamer victorious, otherwise, he and his friends would most likely have fallen. Oddly enough, the Genie himself has a symbolic meaning, but he does not represent a specific person.

    In fact, he represents the Cheetahmen 2 incident that occurred in 2012 which he exploited to turn misinformed AVGN fans and former detractors into his fans through the use of the Ebegging spoof video (cleverly titled Ebegging: The Spoof). To those who turned, the Giant Odyssey Clone and all that it stood for had been destroyed indefinitely.

    And now, as we come to all of these conclusions, we answer the titular question: just what is up with the Irate Gamer anyway? The answer may come as a shock, but I will explain it as gently as possible. The Irate Gamer represents everything that society at large believes is wrong with gamers. Among these things are immaturity, antisocial behavior, exaggerated motions when seen playing (like in various movies), and the pathological need to kill. On the other hand, he also represents everything that many gamers want to be. That is, his character and the events that make up the show's continuity are the embodiment of the fantasy he has constructed within his mind, a trait widely believed to tap into the escapist fantasies that many gamers construct when left to their own devices. What makes the show suffer in its quality lies in the deeply rooted and tightly coiled tether of harsh reality that keeps his fantasy from truly becoming as elaborate and gratifying as he wishes. The harsh reality being that he is actually a repressed, mentally off-balanced, homicidal weakling who is the polar opposite of what he imagines himself as. It is in the finale that he finally receives the adoration he needs in order to make his fantasy complete. However, like the peace that Adrian Veidt brokered in Watchmen, his ultimate victory isn't truly won.

    Like the Irate Gamer wouldn't have been able to save the day without the Genie suddenly sparring with the Giant Odyssey Clone, Bores wouldn't even have a prayer of taking down the AVGN had it not been for the Cheetahmen 2 incident. There is a disconnect, however, as not only did the incident not destroy anything that the Giant Odyssey Clone signified, AVGN remains far more popular than the Irate Gamer to this day. On top of that, when the Irate Gamer expects to be further praised on the news for what he just did, the newscaster instead drops some more cold, hard reality by saying that the Power Rangers were responsible for the saving the day (because apparently newscasters like their metahumor with a strong dash of karma).

    Given the fact that this may not be the end of the Irate Gamer Show, maybe the Irate Gamer will come to grips with the issues that he has. Maybe he will fulfill that fantasy that he created for himself. Maybe he will get better; but should that not be the case, anyone who has the indignation to be critical of Mr. Bores would do well to steer clear of future blunders.



So what do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Do you think Bores is really smart enough to pull this off? Discuss among yourselves.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Isn't Stealing Clickbait Articles Fun?!

It's 2014 and Chris is still committing plagiarism! Did all those years of criticism and angry videos not tell him it was wrong?

Today on his site, he posted an article called 10 Disturbing Facts That Happened on Nicktoons Cartoons.
I looked in the article trying to locate the source as I know he's not dedicated enough to make a list like this (yesterday he made a post about custom Minecraft figures and said he was too lazy to convert centimeters to inches), but I couldn't find one.
Thankfully, Harrod did (thanks man). An article at Answers.com: 12 Twisted and Dark Things We Totally Forgot Happened on Nicktoons

Notice how Chris copied the exact same writing for each one. Except for two he removed for some reason (the Rocko's Modern Life character "Dr. Bendova" and the Ren & Stimpy scene where Ren forcefully removed the nerve endings in his teeth). Probably under the belief that removing them absolves him of plagiarism (it doesn't).

Chris... what the fuck man? I know this isn't the first time I caught you stealing from other articles (mentioned here) but now you're stealing poorly-made Buzzfeed-esque lists? I know you're desperate for money, but this isn't the way to do it.
Seriously, just because you stop stealing from one source, doesn't give you carte blanche to steal from others. This is the internet age, information travels faster then ever, people will find the sources.

Also, as Harrod pointed out, the English in the title is all wonky. "Facts that happened", facts don't happen, they just "are". A better title would have been "10 Disturbing Things from 90s Nicktoons". Oh and "Nicktoons Cartoons" is redundant.

UPDATE: Forgot to mention. I'm moving on Friday and will be without internet until Sunday afternoon. If Bores posts anything during that time, I won't be able to cover it until I'm settled in. Thank you for your patience.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Effort is Dead

Skylanders... Skylanders... fucking Skylanders...
Contrary to what Chris believes, he does NOT get "monstrous" views for making Skylanders content. And if he gets higher than average ones, it's not because of Skylanders in general, but for "checklist videos". Videos where he lists off all the upcoming figures for the next game, those are the ones that get him views. Not the individual preview videos from E3 or whatever stupid Skylander event he gets invited to. I am so sick of this shit...

The first of the recent Skylanders videos was Bores attempting comedy and failing hard. "Rejected Skylanders Ideas", stupid characters he thought up that wouldn't work in Skylanders. It's not funny and the drawings he made for it are terrible.
"Here is a satirical look at Rejected Skylanders that will never ever grace store shelves." Pretty sure you don't know what satire is Chris. Nothing about this was satirical.

The second video was Bores looking over a Skylanders poster. Rather, a low quality picture of the poster he printed off DarkSpyro or something. By the way, DarkSpyro is where Chris gets all his Skylanders info, he never mentions it because of his ego, and the one IG thread I saw there mocked him.
What I saw of the video had him mention Gamescom. Holy shit, he does know it exists! After completely ignoring it last year! Oh, of course he doesn't mention any of the other news, only fucking Skylanders. New Tomb Raider "timed" exclusive to Xbox One and the subsequent freakout? Derp. New Silent Hill produced by Hideo Kojima and Guillermo del Toro? Derp.
You know what disturbs me about the Skylanders videos lately? The posters. He plasters Skylanders posters over his old Nintendo Power ones, almost like a subtle "Fuck you old fans, this is my new gig now!" Or Chris is lazy and couldn't be bothered to remove the old posters for these videos... Either way it speaks volumes about who he really wants to watch his videos.

The third video is the full "mini figure" roster for Trap Team. Likely taken from DarkSpyro. I really don't care...
The other day, Bandai revealed they were jumping on the "Toy-to-Game Connectivity" train with a Kamen Rider game for PS3 and Wii U. Think Chris will talk about that? Ha! That would mean actually knowing what Kamen Rider is, and knowing the type of moron Chris is, he would call it a "stupid Power Rangers rip-off".
Instead, Chris is going to talk about.... Well, here's a comment I found in the second video.



....
Minecraft. Minecraft.
He's actually planning Minecraft videos.
You fucking whore.

It's bad enough you outright admit you only do Skylanders videos for views (which is incredibly cynical), but now you're giving in and jumping on the Minecraft bandwagon years after fans have been asking! Especially after you said on your site you "don't get it". (http://theirategamer.com/south-park-teaching-us-how-minecraft-is-viewed/). But now suddenly you want to talk about it. You're a whore, forcing yourself to play something you never care for to get views. You're no better than DSP now.

Also, it seems Chris has hidden his sub count. Now that's cowardly. He knows he's been losing them and he wants to hide that now. I just... I don't even know. Chris better figure out what he really wants or he is beyond internet-dead.

UPDATE: Bores released the Minecraft video. It's... about action figures. Not the game, but the fucking toys. If you didn't believe it before, it's obvious now, Chris cares more for toys than video games. He would rather be Mike Mozart than James Rolfe. His views are gonna plummet hard.
And the effort continues to be dead with really poor audio balancing throughout. He's been doing this for how long?

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Baseball Cards Are Not An Exciting Topic for a Video

Just because Chris has retired the Irate Gamer (and I’m starting to think he confused “retired” with “hiatus”), doesn’t mean I’m done mocking his videos. Far from it.

If you wanted to ask Chris if he truly did retire, Facebook is not the way to go. He’s disabled the ability for friends/fans to post on his timeline. I wonder why…
Or maybe Chris is trying to become an actor now, reporting that he was on the set of a horror movie coming in 2015. It will probably suck. Do you think the other guy has something to do with this? …. *shrugs*

Anywho, there’s a new 80s video up! Huzzah…
Today he’s going to cover… the hell is this? “Looney Tunes Comic Ball Baseball Cards”. Were Looney Tunes and baseball ever a thing? I know Looney Tunes and basketball were, Space Jam exists. Hmm… I’ll do my research when I find out what this is.

“The latest installment of this crazy series!” If by crazy you mean boring, then most certainly.

0:00 - 0:14: We get our intro, and what Chris is referring to is “Comic Ball Cards”. Oooh, those. Yeah those… I remember my dad collected DC Comic themed ones. Odd toy to make a video about…

0:14 - 0:54: Upper Deck was formed, modern baseball stock footage, modern business meeting stock footage (hiding their faces doesn’t hide the fact this footage was made recently)…
“Looney Tunes and baseball” You mean the MLB?
He explains more about them, how they got Chuck Jones to draw the cards… very generic history stuff.
IG tries to exclaim “they’re grrreat“, when Tony the Tiger appears out of nowhere and says it instead. What does this have to do with the subject at hand? ………….
Then IG attacks him. Oh please, Tony the Tiger would end your ass. He can play every sport nigh-perfectly, he is a champion mascot! You can’t even beat most games without cheating.

0:54 - 1:19: He brings up that the best way to read the “story” is to put them in card sleeves in binders, and if you’re missing one then it will “drive you mad”. This is shown by IG turning into the Hulk… smash his table (which is pound his fist once and the table disappears) then suddenly Gleek from the Super Friends appears….. REFERENCES BY THEMSELVES AREN’T JOKES! There is no joke from having Gleek appear out of nowhere!

1:20 - 1:49: He mentions how the cards had the Looney Tune greats, and notes the “longest story” involved Charlie the Dog, which apparently pisses him off. Who the fuck cares?
He’s about to say it’s “almost criminal” but then gets interrupted by Cookie Crook (the second Cookie Crisp mascot) and IG attacks him. Is this the Rule of Three gag for the video? Random cereal mascots interrupt him and he attacks them? Where is the sense in this? Did the cards come in cereal? Because I know they didn’t. … Even the writers of Family Guy would tell Chris to tone it down.

1:50 - 2:42: IG lists off some of his favorite “stories” (yawn), there’s a shot of him feigning enjoyment from reading (I am just baffled really…) and mentions the rare foil cards and how getting them all… makes you “super awesome”. Cue a stupid sketch!
It’s Kid Bores, and he collected all the foil ones. Then IG says Upper Deck released the full set with all the foil cards and then a bunch of other Kid Bores walk saying they got them all too. No word on how doing that diminished the cards value? Oh right, you know nothing about economics.

2:42 - 3:05: He brings up Series 2, and notes how this one combined the Looney Tunes with real MLB players. He does a bad set-up of “how crazy would that be” (the camera is set up so something will appear) and surprisingly Bugs Bunny in a baseball uniform shows up. Holy crap, a random guest that actually has something to do with what he’s talking about! But then he immediately ruins it when Bugs asks “expecting a different bunny?” and the Energizer Bunny appears… Always have to snuff the praise Chris. Like a candle.

3:06 - 3:40: Series 2 fixed issues he had with Series 1 (which he claims to be the issues of “many people” but “citation needed”) and noted that there was a set of puzzle cards. Then we get a joke of him trying to “decipher” one and it’s a picture saying “Ur a Screwball” (with the screwball being a picture). I’ll give this credit in that it’s actually a Looney Tunes joke, not random unrelated garbage.
He mentions that the stories added Nolan Ryan and Reggie Jackson as “an attempt to appeal to kids”. Uhh, aren’t the funny cartoon animals already the thing to appeal to kids? Pretty sure the addition of Ryan and Jackson are there for people that like baseball, of all ages. I think you have that backwards.
Then a bit with Kid Bores getting excited over a Nolan Ryan card, but then asks “Who’s that?” I can’t find the joke, is it supposed to imply kids don’t know who that is? Because if kids were collecting these, chances are they were baseball fans along with Looney  Tunes fans. Maybe this is just how Bores saw it as he probably only cared for the funny cartoon animals?

3:40 - 4:19: IG mentions that Chuck Jones didn’t do the art for Series 2, leading to a scene of Chuck Jones getting thrown out of the Upper Deck offices and the guy calling him a “bum”. Screw you Chris, Chuck Jones was a legend. I’m sure there’s a reason he didn’t do the second set, lack of money, lack of time, other commitments. Upper Deck throwing him out was very likely NOT a reason. Show some respect!
With Series 2’s “artistic makeover” (it looks similar…), he felt it was “lackluster” compare to the first. This causes Bugs to faint, IG to call out for a “doctor in the house” and… Dr. Phil appears. … WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT?!
He then mentions some of the stories that he liked.

4:20 - 5:12: Onto Series 3! He lists some of the MLB stars featured, including Ken Griffey, Sr. and Ken Griffey, Jr. But then he does a terrible joke with Ken Griffey Sophomore, Ken Griffey Freshmen, and Ken Griffey and the Tonight Show Band. Ugggggggggggggggggggh.
Chuck Jones returned for another set, leading to another “Upper Deck throws him out” scene. What do you have against Chuck Jones? This isn’t funny at all.
He mentions the stories aren’t memorable either… zzzzzz *slaps* I’m up!

5:13 - 6:20: There was one last series involving the NFL, IG skips over it as he didn’t like it, then another similar series called “Adventures in Toon World” involving Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes, he mentions how this lead into Space Jam (with footage from the movie), and then a weird scene where he’s watching the movie on a “card”, then tries to sell it to a comic book dealer who finds a “microscopic crease” and only offers $2 dollars. Still bored…

Onto the verdict!
Nostalgic value, pain finding all of them, duplicates… gets a rating of “Mediocre”. Is there something lower than that Chris?

Then the video ends with…. Fuuuuuuck.
The video ends with Lionel Richie crashing through the ceiling and standing on it. You can clearly tell it’s just Bores with Richie’s face imposed over it (would this be considered blackface?) and IG says “If you can’t beat em, join em” and joins Richie on the ceiling as they dance to his notable song “Dancing on the Ceiling”. Then a bunch of other Bores come out, two of which I think are Evil Gamer and Not-Wilson. ……. LUCKILY THERE’S A FAMILY GUY! LUCKY THERE’S A MAN WHO POSITIVELY CAN DO ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US *slaps* Sorry, I lost my sanity there.

An odd mixture of boring and painfully stupid.
I wanted to do more research on these cards, but I really couldn’t find any info. Bores was probably the same as this felt very generic. The most we got was “There were multiple series, Chuck Jones did a couple of them, here are some of my favorites, now have a bunch of random shit”. So really, the history part was just blah and zzzzz
The jokes on the other hand, holy fuck they were annoying. Once again, references by themselves are not jokes. You have to make them work into the narrative or script. Randomly throwing them in there doesn’t automatically make them funny. I’ll at least give props for only doing the “attacking mascot” thing twice. But that’s stretching it thin.

I wonder if Bores will ever address his claim that he’s retired. I mean, if he really was, he would make a video about it on YouTube, not quietly place it on his biography where few people tread.

I want to see Bores try to release this episode on DVD with the Space Jam footage and the Lionel Richie song. Given the use of Power Rangers footage on the last DVD, it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Bores "Retired" the Irate Gamer. Hold On, What?!

As you know, it's been three months since Bores posted the "story arc" finale. A lot of his fans thought that this was the end. Bores clarified that it was "only on break".
On Facebook, he said that it's "not in the schedule" as he does other things.

Well apparently, both of those were lies as his biography tells a different story! Thanks to Neptunia Gamer for finding this out.
http://www.irateentertainment.com/bio.htm

The last passage is all new.
By 2014, Chris has become a popular interviewer covering video game events like E3, turned theirategamer.com into a pop culture news site, and released a groundbreaking documentary called “Pursuit of the Paranormal” where a 90 minute conversation with a spirit was obtained.
So we're just pretending all those other interviews didn't happen? Also, the only video game event you cover is E3, don't claim you cover "events" plural. No, a Skylanders reveal doesn't count, that's just ONE game.
"Pop culture news site" A new site that cares less about news and more about random bullshit Chris finds.
Oh look, the "90 minute conversation" claim again. Quit claiming that when the movie itself is only 54 minutes long!
Currently, Chris has retired the Irate Gamer Show and spends his spare time working on further episodes of History of Video Games, Irate the 80’s and decoding the afterlife through his Pursuit of the Paranormal Case Study.
There it is. He has "retired" the Irate Gamer Show. Right there, clear as crystal, signed, sealed and delivered!

There is a positive. It means less shit from him. But the negatives far outweigh the positives. His already dwindling fanbase is going to plummet into negative numbers, most of his fans only care for the retro reviews so to hear that he's abandoning them only hastens his internet death.
Sure, he has more 80s videos planned, and I know some consider them "tolerable". But let's be real, the annoying sketches, stupid obscure references, and blatant research failure only make it look worse.
And I love how he claims he's doing more History of Video Games. GIVE IT UP CHRIS! Nobody believes you're an expert! Especially the way you suck Activision's dick for a toy based game. Hell, reading your blog shows you care more for toys than you do video games. Why should people believe you?
Speaking of Skylanders, funny how his biography completely neglects to mention that. Hmmmmm.

Either way, if his "retirement" is true, I can only foresee a swift demise. Any possible money won't be enough to recuperate the time taken.
I know his fans read this blog. I know they will be angry once this gets posted. Whatever happens... *sits back* I'll be watching.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Once More Unto the Updates

Hm? Bores uploaded new videos?
*checks* Two Skylanders videos... of course. What was even the point of the second channel?
Funny thing about that, my Facebook informant found a comment from Bores saying that he plans to close the channel as he "has no idea how it works", claiming that he tried to post the E3 videos but they're "stuck in limbo". I have absolutely no idea what this means, and I haven't heard anyone else have this problem.
I think the real answer is that he's too lazy to run two channels and would rather have everything on one easy channel for the "views". It's not like the views are that good though, despite his delusional belief that the Skylanders videos do better than everything else. Is that why your subs dropped again? Why most of the comments are people complaining about this?
Bores clearly doesn't care.
One of the comments on the new videos was from a 14 year old kid that claimed to have been watching him for 7 years. Yeah, a 7 year old watching IG.... where were the parents?
Outside of that, even he was tired of all the Skylanders content. You see what you've done Chris?

Also, Bores claimed something that I'm having trouble believing. He claims he saw more of the game than he was allowed to and the Activision PR was "going crazy" when they saw how far he got. I don't believe that. Why would Activision have an E3 demo with material that the public isn't allowed to see? Normally an E3 demo is composed of material they've prepared, usually 2 or 3 levels. What I think really happened is that Bores was spending too much time playing the demo and wasn't allowing anyone else a turn, hence why the PR "went crazy". Maybe that's why he barely covered any other games, like Smash Bros. 4.

Oh and as for something that's actually IG related? Bores claimed on Facebook that it won't be for a while as he's focusing on 80s and History of Video Games (just kill this series Bores, nobody cares anymore). He also has more ghost crap planned. For who? Who is watching the ghost crap? Are you pandering to the voices in your head?

Now... I have some bad news myself.
I know I'm barely posting here, and I know some of you are screaming for a Redux Recap. Well... there isn't going to be anymore Redux Recaps.
I just don't have the energy or the patience to look back into the past. Every time I think of possibly doing one, I feel sick. I'm sorry, but you'll have to be more patient for new content now. Whenever Bores himself posts new content.

That's it. Hmm, I wonder if there's any good material on his site.
"21 Cat EPIC FAILS Animated Gif Gallery"
....
Well that doesn't scream desperation at all. I thought the bubble he lived in was bad before but DAMN, posting cat GIFs like its something new.