After a week off to try and get people to like Ghost Doctor (it’s never happening Chris, give it up), IG returns with something kind of new. A look at Ghouls n’ Ghosts, the sequel to Ghosts n’ Goblins. Considering how much Bores doesn’t like that game, I predict this video will be a trainwreck.
Before even clicking the video, there’s already a problem. The title says, “GHOULS N' GHOSTS - Sega Genesis Video Game Review - The Irate Gamer”, very clearly indicating this is the second game and will be the Sega Genesis version. However, the thumbnail says, “Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts”, the third game in the series that was exclusive to Super Nintendo (with a GBA remake years later). You couldn’t use the normal title? Already we’ve got a mess.
It’s 15 minutes long folks, strap yourselves in.
We open on IG looking at his shelf then turning to the camera, saying how he wants to find a game for Halloween. He finds Ghostbusters, then reminisces on it like it wasn’t five months ago. Then he finds Ghosts ‘n Goblins and remembers how he tore the game apart 13 years ago and how he still gets nightmares about it.
Then out of nowhere he asks, “What year is it?!” It’s 2020 Chris, I know it’s a shitty year, but we all have to suffer it for two more months.
Then Devil Bores appears…because of course. For some reason, he’s appears on the screen of IG’s TMNT arcade cabinet, because there’s a big TMNT logo beneath him. Does Chris not have a TV in his basement? The scene would work better that way.
In fact, once IG sees him, he takes out a remote and turns him off. Did Chris not think we wouldn’t notice the green outline and GIANT LOGO?!
Anyway, he turns off the “TV”, then his phone rings (which is the Power Rangers ringtone because “ME NERDY”) and Devil Bores appears through FaceTime. Because it’s the 13th anniversary since his Ghosts ‘n Goblins review, he’s making him review the sequel. If he doesn’t, he’ll shove a Game Genie up his ass. That barely seems like a threat.
IG gives in and gets ready to review Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, though he calls it “Ghosts ‘n Goblins 2” at first before seeing they changed the title. He gets mad that they changed it, throws the cartridge behind him and says, “Halloween is Ruined!” Nope, still doesn’t work. What’s wrong with the name change too?
New intro! A special Halloween one with a “spooky” remix by Lame Genie and footage from past Halloween episodes (and I Rate the 80’s), as well as Ghostbusters because… sure. Hey Chris, maybe you could get Lame Genie to make you an original song. I know originality isn’t really your thing but surely you could go for a new theme.
But first, a fake sponsorship. This time for Pokémon stuff. That seems like an odd thing to show off. Well, he just talked about it on Puppet Steve. No joke, a video featuring this exact same items was posted three days ago. This seems like a weird way to reuse those. Especially since he’s planning to sell them on eBay. Again, this is not a real sponsorship. There’s no link in the description, and while he tells you to go to a site, it’s just a standard URL, with no “/irate” to save 10% or anything. By the way, he pronounces it “Pokey-mon”. On one hand, I’m glad he doesn’t say “Pokey-man” like ignorant parents in 1998 but come the fuck on. This franchise is over 20 years old now, you can learn to say it correctly.
For those wondering, Puppet Steve still hasn’t talked about Steve in Smash Bros. Chris, what the hell? It’s been 11 days since he was released. Does he not have a Switch anymore? Maybe he sold it to buy more crappy Arcade replicas.
He once again claims Ghosts ‘n Goblins was one of the first games he played that scarred his childhood. Sure, whatever you say.
He then claims the first game he got was Mach Rider. Wait, that wasn’t what you said five years ago. In your now deleted video about the “First 5 games I owned for the NES”, your first game was Super Mario Bros. Mach Rider was the fourth game you got. Did Chris forget to keep his story straight again? Is he hoping we don’t remember that video? Good thing I archive! For those curious, it’s in the May 2015 post “At least this week was easy”.
Anyway, Mach Rider sucked so he exchanged it for Ghosts ‘n Goblins. He claims to have spent hours playing and never getting past the first level. That’s your own fault then, especially since the first level isn’t that bad.
Of course, he has to mention the Arcade version, saying he didn’t find about it until “years later”. How many years Chris? At least by 2007 since you used the Arcade version with God Mode in your stupid video. Hold on I just realized something. His excuse for using the Arcade version was so he could show the ending of the game, yet he claims he never got past the first level. Why would showing the ending be a priority? That’s rather suspicious of you Bores. What are you not telling us?
He shows a bit of the Arcade version and more complaints about difficulty. At least the NES port gave you unlimited continues! Then again, he never beat the first level so he wouldn’t know that.
A few years later, Capcom “raped our childhoods” (his words) by releasing a sequel. Not for NES but for Genesis (they wanted the higher power for something closer to the Arcade version, which you don’t mention), and they changed the name to Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. He complains about them abandoning the original name. Look, I don’t know why they changed it. In Japan, the series is called Makaimura, with the sequel being Daimakaimura. Ask a Capcom exec from the 80’s why they did it. These days, they use “Ghosts ‘n Goblins” as an umbrella term for the franchise (including the PSP game, the mobile games from 10 years ago, the Gargoyle’s Quest trilogy, and the Maximo duology).
He wonders where the Goblins went and makes a stupid comment about referring to them as Goblins being “racist” and curses out “cancel me culture” (his words). Cancel culture isn’t real, quit pretending it is.
He inserts the cartridge into his obviously not plugged-in Genesis, and I want to a moment to address the cartridge itself. It’s a bootleg. Yeah, Chris couldn’t get a genuine GnG cartridge for this video so he got a crappy bootleg. Want a comparison?
Here’s the real cartridge, taken from an eBay listing.
And here’s Chris’ cartridge, with some circles to show imperfections (provided by my informant)
I have to ask… why? Why get a bootleg? The game isn’t that expensive for just the cartridge, normally runs $23-35 on eBay. Was he tricked? Imagine if he tried talking about Game Boy Advance titles, the bootleg market there is really bad.
He starts the game, says there’s no backstory like in the first game. Then he takes out the manual (okay so he has that but not a real cartridge). Wait, I thought manuals were bad? Ah forget it…
For some reason during this part, he’s playing Final Fantasy IX music. Weird choice.
He mentions the princess getting kidnapped, claiming she gets kidnapped more than the “Mario princess”. You mean Peach? Also, this is the second of four games, compared to Peach getting kidnapped too many times to count. That’s a really lame joke and you should be ashamed of yourself.
He calls out a line about unfair odds which makes him mad, then says that Arthur has a chance of winning the game “organically” (as in not cheating) as “finding a dildo in a donut”. … What?
He brings up the “iconic” map, and once again we get Devil Bores, who has started smoking again. Here’s another thing I don’t get, why is Chris still using Satan? In 2007, it was just a cringy joke. But now, knowing what we know about Chris and his baffling religious beliefs, why would he keep using him? This is the guy that forbade his kids from watching Nickelodeon because of “EVIL ILLUMANTI SYMBOLS ZOMG”, and the guy that believes negative thoughts lead to Satanism.
He praises the graphics. Points out the grim reapers chasing you. “Just another Friday night at the Irate Gamer household!” Uggggh…
Game is similar, right down only having two hits and you’re dead. Then a death montage. More complaining about the “two hits”. Yep… knew it would get to this.
He does point out one big change, the addition of a gold armor that boosts your power with a charge attack. Then… this happens.
“Time to go He-Man on these assholes!” Then it cuts to his He-Man transformation footage from 2011. What is the point?! Why are you recycling your old videos again?! What was your thought process that lead to this?! Jeeeeeeeeeez… at least he’s not recycling the review itself.
“Where was this power-up in the first game?!” They hadn’t thought of if yet. They probably heard the complaints about the first game and added it. That’s how these things tend to work, Chris.
However, it still has the same defense as regular armor and goes away after a single hit. He rants, calls it an “armored condom”. Do you have anyone to proofread this?
“Thanks Capcom, now my old lady is knocked up with demonic succubus twins!” …………… What?! What is this writing?!
He praises the wind segment of the first stage, saying “you won’t see anything like that on NES”. Because they didn’t think of it. Also, you can do that on NES. It’s a stage hazard in Super Mario Bros. The Lost Levels. I figured you would know that considering your claim that it’s superior to Super Mario Bros. 2. Yeah, I don’t think he played it, otherwise he would know how spine-crunchingly difficult it is.
He also praises the new weapons, mentioning the sword, axes (that was in the first game), daggers (also in the first game) and then calls out “yuppie losers playing frisbee” when bringing up the discus. Yes I’m sure yuppies are all over *checks notes* Toledo. But yeah, the axe and dagger were in the first game. Though if you remember his original video, he got something big wrong by claiming the only other weapon you get is the fire. Everything comes back to bite you.
He calls one of the enemies the “sons of Satan” and wonders how Satan got kids. You really think Satan doesn’t fuck? Also, those aren’t the “sons of Satan”, those are the Red Arremer Kings. Firebrand is the name of the specific Red Arremer that stars in the Gargoyle’s Quest games (since I feel like someone is going to call that out).
He dies again and complains about the map some more. He places some middle finger emojis all over the screen and does another Devil Bores bit. It’s not funny.
He reaches the first boss, and dies multiple times. See the problem here is that he’s using the sword, which has a horribly short range. It’s far better to use a weapon that you can throw. Go back and get a weapon that can do that.
He calls Arthur “whipped” for doing all this rescue the princess. Really? Really? Are you the type that thinks any protagonist that goes on a grand adventure to rescue a damsel is whipped? Will you say the same thing for Mario? Does Chris even think about what he writes? Pffft of course not!
He lists the levels, and cries cries cries about the difficulty. Then another death montage with his weird, crooked jaw, and then he grabs a pillow and bites into it and rips the stuffing out. Is Chris trying to be a clown?
More Devil Bores… hooray. We also get some weak political humor when he comments about humans fighting over which “political dick is bigger”. Blaaaah…
IG dies again, rips the cartridge from his clearly not working Genesis, then throws it off-screen. Then we see some guy in a Nickelodeon shirt sitting on his bed meditating and the cartridge hits him. Who? What? Well, there’s an explanation at the end. We’ll get to that.
Despite throwing the game away, he continues playing.
Later levels are also hard… yep…
Compares an enemy to Mick Jagger… yep…
Also, it looks like there’s a second player helping. I don’t think that’s possible. Pretty sure the 2-player mode is the “taking turns” variety, where things switch when one player dies. Is it something else?
Then he refers to the cloud-like boss, Gassuto, as a “Kirby’s Adventure rip-off”. This came out years before Kirby’s Adventure did. Try again.
More praise of the graphics, the level design, makes a joke about vomiting pigs having a party… yep…
Says his favorite is Level 2 with all the fire, and the music is good too. Then a dumb bit where it cuts to IG turning it up and listening. “Get these guys a record deal” Ugggggh… It’s one guy, her name is Tamayo Kawamoto, and she has one because she left Capcom to pursue a different career. You could have taken five minutes to look into this but nooooooo.
He notes how at the end you fight more of the bosses and claims they “ran out of ideas”. It’s called a challenge Chris. It even has a name, a boss rush. It’s a popular video game trope, look it up! My head hurts…
Then a dumb bit where fireballs attack him in real life. Blargh…
He reaches the end, and finds he has to fight a giant bug. He gets mad. … Chris, do you know anything about mythology? That’s Beelzebub, the Lord of the Flies! It’s also another name for Satan! My god, for someone who claims to be studying religion, you don’t know a fact as basic as that?!
He complains about the name again, and then says it’s “time to go Will Smith in Independence Day on his ass”. Followed by a clip of Will Smith’s character punching an alien. So long monetization! What was the point of that? He even plays another after beating the boss.
We get a sequence where he doesn’t bother reading the text and just assumes he won, only to start back at the beginning and have to do it all over again. This surprises you? Of course they would do it again, that’s how the game works.
More Devil Bores. Jeez, how is there still two minutes left. Oh and apparently he has an Instagram account. Ouch…
More ranting, claiming these games scarred his childhood. You didn’t even play this game as a kid! As far as we’re aware, you only played the first! If that’s even true to begin with. Look, if you want answers, ask Tokuro Fujiwara, he directed the first two games. He loved making hard games. That was his thing.
“This is worse than having two penises and trying to figure out which one to pee out of!” …………………………………………………. Do I even have to say anything?
We get a fast forward of him playing the second run with invincibility on (because it’s one continuous run with no damage) and he reaches the final boss. Leading to more stupid Devil Bores shtick. This time with pixelated succubi.
He shows the actual Lucifer and complains about him being naked. I imagine he got here through Stage Select as he has different armor now. He also makes a gross comment about something gooey coming from his crotch. Enough with the semen lines!
He beats the game, gets the ending, and sees it foreshadows Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts. Then he complains that it’s on Super Nintendo or “back on Nintendo”. Well this one is exclusive. No Arcade version this time around. Either way, it’s over.
But before it ends, he gives a special thanks to Carlos William Gonzalez for helping with production. He was the guy from earlier that got hit with the cartridge. I hope you got paid Carlos, you didn’t even get a link to your channel in the description.
That was dumb. So very dumb. It was just a lot of “boy this is hard, but the graphics are purdy” over and over and over again. With just terrible writing all around. Why does it all feel so juvenile? Is any one of these people helping him ever going to point out how bad the writing is? It’s just baffling how bad it all is. No improvement at all.
About 12 days ago on Puppet Steve, he posted another video of mini Arcade Cabinets, including one for TMNT. However, it looks like some bootleg game, or some janky ZX Spectrum port. Where did he find this shit? Why is he so obsessed with Arcade games lately?
That’s it for me. I’m going to go relax. Stay safe, wash your hands, and if you’re an American citizen 18 or older, go vote.
Saturday, October 24, 2020
After a week off to try and get people to like Ghost Doctor (it’s never happening Chris, give it up), IG returns with something kind of new. A look at Ghouls n’ Ghosts, the sequel to Ghosts n’ Goblins. Considering how much Bores doesn’t like that game, I predict this video will be a trainwreck.
Friday, October 9, 2020
Anyway, what’s he going to do this time? The Punisher. Not just the NES version either going by the title. Feels like this should have been done when the Netflix series was popular and still running.
Surprised there’s no Dolph Lundgren appearance, he’s on Cameo for $350. The other Punisher actors are not.
In the description, Chris gives thanks to Logan Graham for helping with the script, editing and more. Well Logan, I hope he paid you.
It’s a little over 14 minutes long so let’s get started.
The video opens with IG walking over to a group of NES cartridges standing on his table, all of them Marvel licensed games. He cheers that after “20 years” he finally has the whole family. 20 years? You only started collecting Marvel games in 2000? More time screw-ups out of Bores. Also, that’s not all the Marvel games on NES. You’re missing Wolverine. Frankly, getting six NES games isn’t impressive. Getting every physically released Marvel game, now that’s a feat. Including the ones only released in Japan and Europe.
“What a fantastic looking family too!” Aren’t most of those games garbage? The Punisher is decent but the other four shown (Silver Surfer, X-Men, Spider-Man Return of the Sinister Six and the NES version of Captain America & The Avengers) are pretty bad. You even did videos on two of them!
He likely said that so we could get a terrible segue into some major cringe. The sprites of the Kingpin from the Punisher NES game breaks into his basement, takes out a tommy gun, and shoots the games, leaving only The Punisher “alive”. IG declares he’ll get his “revenge”. Ugggh, I can feel my soul dying already.
I know this is meant to reference the Punisher’s origin but come on. You couldn’t film this in a park or something? It’s not like you need to film near 10 people, parks are open and outside. Honestly, it would still be cringe since he’s upset over terrible games dying rather than family.
Theme song. This time we get a “rock” cover from Lame Genie, yes that is how they’re credited. You know Chris, I think now is a good time to finally get a real theme song. One that doesn’t come from an out-of-print royalty free music program.
But first, a commercial. This time from MyArcade. Like the ones before the last video, I don’t think this is a real sponsorship because there’s no link in the description. It kind of feels like these “sponsorships” are just Bores showing off his toys.
These don’t seem like good ways to play the games. They’re so tiny.
We cut over to another part of his Midlife Crisis Mancave to a replica Infinity Gauntlet and framed Avengers poster. Because “LOOK AT MAH COOL STUUUFF”.
Brings up the Netflix shows as the reason most people know Punisher now, showing footage from them. Guess you can say goodbye to this video getting money. Also, a lot of people knew about Punisher before the Netflix series. He had three movies and was the poster boy for the 90’s Edge era.
Gives a small history, how he was created by Gerry Conway, while neglecting to mention John Romita Sr and Ross Andru.
Noting the first time he appeared was in “the issue of Spider-Man”. Not an issue of Spider-Man, THE issue. He could be saying “an issue” but his accent is screwing things up. No mention that it’s Amazing Spider-Man #129 though.
He then claims the Punisher is the first Marvel character to get a movie “adaption”. That is wrong! The first Marvel character to get a movie adaptation (see the difference) is Howard the Duck. I know we all want to pretend that movie doesn’t exist, but sadly it does, and we have to acknowledge it as the first movie adapted from a Marvel Comics property.
Anyway, he mentions the first Punisher movie which “debuted on the big-screen in 1989” and was “self-entitled” The Punisher. Yes, that’s how he says it. It’s meant to be self-titled, and even then, that’s the wrong term to use. Where did Chris learn English?
Also, the movie didn’t come out theatrically in America, it didn’t see any form of wide release until 1991 when it went direct-to-video. He doesn’t mention any of this. Instead he says the movie is terrible with a long metaphor about the writers wiping their ass with the script. I’m guessing that’s why he didn’t pay for a Dolph Lundgren cameo.
He also shows a clip from the movie and randomly zooms in on a background extra. … Okay?
But Punisher “got more room to grow” with the 2004 movie, video games, and the Netflix series. No mention of War Zone? At least go into the many comic lines, the massive amounts of merch and his appearance on the Spider-Man cartoon. I imagine that’s where a lot of people got to know him.
“A lot of love for this character now” There’s always been love for him! Do you purposely live in a bubble?
“I remember picking up these comments in the 80’s” Did you seriously say comments instead of comics? That’s what it sounds like to me. I don’t know if it’s his accent or his microphone or his inability to do more than one take. Surely mistakes like that would have been noticed.
He remarks how he was reading TMNT and Scrooge McDuck and series from Harvey Comics, so the Punisher was not what he normally read. Seeing someone shooting guns really surprised him.
“Really cool to see him get a push now” Now? Nothing is really happening with him. The Netflix series was cancelled over a year ago, and Disney has no plans to make a movie or Disney Plus series. Frankly, I can’t see the Punisher work as a Disney Plus show (though we’ll see how violent WandaVision is). I also don’t know of any games being developed. His latest appearance was as a DLC character in Ultimate Alliance 3 (also mobile games but who cares). Did Chris write this a while ago?
He begins his look at the games, starting with the NES version. We get a dumb joke where he opens the console and finds Batman inside, then throwing it out while making a comment about “mixing universes”. Bleeeh. Also, his NES is clearly not plugged in. It’s basically a prop now.
He starts the game, comments on the “ugly bastard” staring at you on the level selection screen. That’s Jigsaw, he’s one of the Punisher’s biggest villains. He was in the Netflix show. Come on Chris, you can research. Don’t you have help now?
He goes over the game, how it’s a rail-shooter, which are indeed uncommon on the NES. He gets annoyed at the fact they changed his backstory from a Marine that served in Vietnam to a former cop. Why is this a big deal?
You can shoot enemies with your gun or use grenades. Prompting a dumb bit with IG throwing a grenade from real life into the game with one of his stock explosions. Ugggh.
Goes over some power-ups, comments about the logo at the bottom.
He then uses the word “unrelentlessly” when talking about possibly bashing the game. That’s not a word Chris. He probably means “unrelentingly”
He’s not going to bash it since this game is actually good. He then refers to LJN as “LGN”. Woooooow. You couldn’t do a second take on that?
When he brings up “LGN”, he references the fact they made the ThunderCats action figures. While true, that is an odd reference to make, especially since nowadays they’re much more known for publishing some of the worst licensed games on the NES. Is he trying not to step on the AVGN’s toes?
So he goes on a long rant about what Frank is possibly standing on, especially at one point where the game has him on an ocean. Then a stupid bit where Frank ends up in Super Mario Bros. 3. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Comments on the lack of music. Surprisingly no “here’s some appropriate music” jokes. He also comments on a saxophone player with audible music in one level.
He gets to a bonus stage, and complains that it's similar to the main game, rather than shooting balloons or something (he edits in balloons). Then he shows a stock photo of an old man to represent the developer and once again calls the 1989 movie a piece of shit (with a picture of a realistic turd, charming). I don’t see the problem here. Honestly, he sounds really bored.
He brings up the bosses and notes how they’re all characters from the comics. So, he recognizes Kliegg, Sijo, and Assassin, but not Jigsaw? What sense does that make? I’m guessing Logan looked up the names of the bosses on GameFAQs.
Then he describes the bosses with a lot of “your ass”, and then says the words “ass play” and needing toilet paper. Eww…
Something about the bosses, but then some cringe as the saxophone player from earlier appears in his room. He says he should be a boss and shoos him away. What was the point of that?!
He beats the game, says the ending’s lame. It’s an NES game, we have gone over this.
“Onimous Batman like pose” He doesn’t say ominous, but “onimous”. Hey Logan, future suggestion. Maybe watch the videos and see when Chris butchers the English language? Tell him that and have him rerecord the line.
Also, for some reason he’s playing Kirby music here. Weird.
Then he ends with a dumb joke about the “brooding being so thick” he could cut it with a knife, or an AK-47. Meh…
He removes the game from his NES, making it VERY obvious it’s not plugged in. Saying this is not the “definitive” game he wants to play.
“Specially since game developer LJN was at the helm at the time” Stop! Well first off, he gets LJN right this time (making me wonder about the first instance), but the important thing to note is that LJN is not a developer! They never were! The AVGN even addressed this in his Beetlejuice video, noting how LJN was merely a publisher that contracted the games out to studios to make them. But his phrasing was always “Made by LJN”, which is technically true as they funded it. They never developed a game. This is a serious oversight that I’m amazed got past the scripting. Did he proofread this? Did Logan proofread this?
For the record, The Punisher on NES was developed by Beam Software, a now defunct Australian developer.
Then he brings up the other Marvel games LJN published, including Wolverine. Wait, you didn’t include that earlier. So you do have that?! Jeeeez…
He transitions into talking about the Game Boy game (The Punisher: The Ultimate Payback) with a stupid line about wanting to go to anger management class from playing the NES game. I thought you said it was a good game?
He opens with a stupidly long rant about how the Game Boy version has an opening cutscene while the NES game doesn’t, even though the Game Boy version has similar gameplay. He complains that the NES version should be superior. Who gives a shit?
Then he sees there’s a cameo from Spider-Man. Then… oh jeez. He says, “Someone call 911 because I was robbed again”. Thankfully he doesn’t hold up ROB when he says it. Still, hearing that again hurt.
He complains about Spider-Man wanting the Punisher’s help because Frank is a killer. They work together all the time in the comics. Peter is well-aware of what Frank does. He also works with Deadpool, who has even less problems with killing people.
More complaining… he’s barely even talking about the game, just the story. Also, the footage changes drastically. Is he swapping between Super Game Boy footage and emulator footage?
IG then says that the best Punisher experience is the Arcade game. Here we go…
“Flashy intro!” Oh my god who cares?! Why do you care so much about flashy intros? People play games for the gameplay. Not the intros.
Blah blah story blah blah gwaphics. Beat-em-up gameplay. Says it’s “fanservice done right”. Cringy line about busting caps in people’s asses. I’m bored…
He brings up the Genesis port, calls out “Nintendo purists” for Sega getting the drop on them. Why attempt to reignite that? Who cares?
He brings up the co-op, and how the second player is Nick Fury. Then he comments that he looks “very different” from the movies. Well yeah, this is based on the comics. Nick Fury was a white guy in the comics. When Marvel created the Ultimate Universe, they modeled Ultimate Nick Fury after Samuel L. Jackson. When they started work on the Cinematic Universe, they managed to cast SLJ as Fury. You would know this if you actually DID read the comics and not come off like a basic poser.
He goes over the differences between the two versions. Graphical limitations, censorship, blah blah blah. He makes a joke about demonetization in reference to the scantily clad ninjas. Since when did you care about that?
Also is it me, or does he pronounce “irony” in an odd way? Like there’s a lot of emphasis on “iron”.
Says it’s a solid game and gives it the… for fuck’s sake. He gives it the “Irate Gamer seal of not being ass”. Which he represents with the “Official Nintendo Licensed Product” logo, but very poorly photoshopped with “Original Irate Gamer Seal of Not Being Ass”. Even the font is cheap!
He then says the “Punisher scene” was quiet outside of his Spider-Man TAS appearance and the 2004 movie (so we’re just pretending comics don’t exist?), then he starts talking about the 2005 game. Which is meant to be a tie-in to the 2004 movie, even having Thomas Jane reprise Frank.
He says it’s from Deep Silver Volition. … Not exactly. Though the game was developed by Volition (prior to being bought by Deep Silver), it was published by THQ. Not THQ Nordic, the original dead THQ. Seems like something Logan should have helped with hm?
He calls it a mix between Gears of War and Manhunt. This came out before Gears of War. If anything, it’s more like Star Wars Battlefront or Metal Arms: Glitch in the System. I’m guessing Logan included the bit about Manhunt since I seriously doubt Chris would know what that is.
He brings up violent the game is, and it’s so graphic it almost got an Adults Only rating from the… from the ESERB. ESERB?! Hahahahahaha seriously?! Oh wow. Of all the obvious mistakes, this one was so bad. How does this even happen?
“You know your game is bad when it makes Rockstar Games look like daycare” Hey Logan, you wanna tell him about Manhunt 2, which was so graphic that it got an AO rating? No? Okay.
He brings up the cameos, including one from Iron Man. Tony says he needs a drink, which IG agrees to.
He then brings up the short-lived The Punisher: No Mercy. An exclusive PS3 game that only lasted two years. I’m guessing the footage is from elsewhere (and I imagine he will not credit that). He just heard it’s bad and something about excrement.
Then the video ends with a bit about the saxophone player. Followed by the clip of Iron Man seeing he needs a drink. Now that clip is definitely Logan, because Bores would never do a bit like that.
This was just dull. Nothing really interesting was said. Also, it’s weird that he calls them mediocre but didn’t really say anything bad about them. Especially not the Game Boy title, he barely said anything there.
Also, no mention of the 1990 computer game? Once again, the computer gets ignored.
I just find it weird that there’s so so so many mispronunciations. More than usual. Is Chris rushing these out with no quality assurance? Is Logan not catching this stuff? Has Chris always had this problem but managed to remove it in editing but now things are different? Something’s off.
It's been about eight days since Nintendo announced that Steve from Minecraft would be in Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Puppet Steve has not said anything yet. That's also weird...
Saturday, October 3, 2020
“It looks pretty damn impressive to me” Not really. I don’t understand you. You’re a total graphics whore for Arcade games, but this underwhelming looking NES game is what impresses you?
Then he cries about how they were “self-conscious” about the limitations and just abandoned it. There were likely other reasons. Most likely financial. They probably realized that selling this crap would make them lose money. Every cancellation has multiple reasons. Just one guy’s story isn’t enough.
Thursday, October 1, 2020
Wednesday, September 23, 2020
When saying this, he shows off various mini-Arcade cabinets he has. This is going to be one of those “Look at my toys” videos isn’t it? Shit…
Saturday, September 12, 2020
And here's a pic of the post.
Thursday, September 3, 2020
From the title, it looks like he’s also going to be talking about the NES games… again. Are you that low on ideas that you must recycle old material? What are you even trying to accomplish?
Oh, but that’s not all. The title also says there will be an appearance from legendary voice Rob Paulsen, the voice of Raphael in the 1987 series and Donatello in the 2012 series. The second I saw that I rushed over to Cameo.com and wouldn’t you know it, you can buy a cameo from Mr. Paulsen for only $65 USD. These guest stars aren’t that impressive knowing they’re simply from a site where you can do that, and for a surprisingly low fee. Granted, this is likely the best course of action considering we’re still in the middle of a plague, and nobody is taking it seriously. Robert Pattinson just got COVID and that’s only after three days of resuming Batman production. Dwayne Johnson and his family got it! Why aren’t people taking this seriously?! Is this Darwinism in overdrive?
He states he doesn’t know what to review. That’s easy, just look at what you did before, and cross those off the list. Then pick what’s left.
That’s when we already get our Rob Paulsen cameo, using his Raphael voice to tell him to review the TMNT Arcade game. You know, this setup was slightly better in the Ghostbusters video, because Chris never touched that game. He already talked about TMNT 13 years ago. Why retread old ground?
He does a list (I can already sense the padding) and gushes about the game allowing four-player mode. Not the first game to do that, Gauntlet did it years earlier. But this is Chris, and he’s not very smart.
He then says his “only issue” (oh please) is that it didn’t have the voice actors from the show. What, you expected Konami to get the voice actors to record only like 3 lines?
But that was just an excuse to have more Rob Paulsen cameo, with Rob doing some Raphael lines. Somehow this is still the best part. I wonder how much Chris paid, because this feels like more than one $65 video.
Then a dumb bit where he writes a letter to Santa, and how everyone he knew had the game on their Christmas list.
After another “shell shocked” he comments how “just about every gamer bitchslapped this game already” Including you. Are we just pretending that your old videos no longer exist?
Then he claims that wasn’t true back in 1989, and he believes the game falls under what he calls the “Phantom Menace Effect”. What?
Yeah, he goes over that. How the kids supposedly “knew” it was bad, but convinced themselves it wasn’t, and if you were doing bad you had to get better. That’s exactly what I’m talking about! For someone with a supposed degree in psychology, you really don’t seem to get it.
He claims the game birthed a whole generation of “angry video game reviewers”. We get it, you’re one of the only people that still does this style.
Then he purposely swims through that electric coral part poorly and dies. Why are we still doing this?
He actually praises the game, listing off cool things at the start. Then goes into another list joke about the weird enemies. Because that hasn’t been done a million times… “What the hell did I just walk into? A Stephen King novel adaption video game?” Not enough cocaine. Also, it’s adaptation Chris.
Then he suggests weird toyline exclusive characters. I guess that’s a joke?
He refers to the chainsaw guy as “Dude from Chainsaw Massacre” That’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre. How can you forget the name of one of the most iconic horror movies of all time? That’s actual iconic, not your constant misuse of it.
He wonders how they could go from the Arcade to the NES game. Again, the NES game came first. Though they were in development at the same time, it’s likely the NES game started first. I don’t know, because this information is possibly lost to time. Only way to know is find Konami employees from the late 80’s.
Then he says “Cowabunga Piece of Shit”. Because that’s what the fans really wanted. … Was it? I don’t know, his fans can barely type.
He pulls out an old issue of Nintendo Power that previewed the game and says that it “looked so epic”. Really? Because they’re showing the actual in-game screenshots, and all that time ago you cried about it looking like a “pixelated nightmare”. Do you have any morals or beliefs that are consistent?
“Talk about a recipe for win” Stop, don’t make that a catchphrase. You sound even lamer than usual.
Then he pulls out a pack of Grossville High cards for no reason. … Okay?
Then he does the Shellshock joke again but as himself. Half-way through!
Okay, get this. He claims the advertising of the extra levels was the big selling point for him. Then why did your story change so much after 13 years? Are you lying to us again? Tell the fucking truth! Do you even pay attention to what you say?
“Muddy graphics” NES limitations Chris, we’ve gone over this.
“2-players only” The NES was only capable of two! Yes, some games did have a four-player option, but you still needed a special adapter to play them. Plus, even with two players, the game still has lag issues. Ever consider that? Oh right, I forgot who I was talking to.
“Talk about your boner going limp in record time” … I have no words.
He complains that the advertising made it look like you were getting an “exact replica” of the Arcade game. That’s how advertising works dude. It’s just telling you’re getting an NES version of the Arcade game. It didn’t say exact, that’s just your pea-brain thinking that.
“It’s not a bad game” Oh really?
Then he complains that as a kid he wanted the Arcade experience. Well unless you were loaded, that wasn’t going to happen. This was the best they could do.
Wow! He repeats the “Suckass Poorman’s Version of the Arcade Game” joke. I’m not kidding, same fonts and everything. What is the point of any of this?!
He gives an “A for effort” but once again he blames the advertising. We get it, you got fooled. Everyone does. Why is he repeating the same points over and over?
He blames Nintendo Power for oversaturating the images. Maybe they were captured on an older TV? It’s possible your more modern TV displays it differently. Unless you’re playing on an emulator, which in that case it’s going to look very different.
“Your soul is fucking welded together with this turtle” I think I can see the attempt at a joke, but it still falls completely flat.
Then a really dumb bit where he tries eat his TMNT cereal (which is clearly empty) when one of the turtles shows up and IG yells at him. …. NOT FUNNY!
Again, I don’t see the issue in being able to change after death. They’re basically all the same character anyway. This feels as stupid as complaining about Abu. God, could you imagine Chris trying to do Aladdin in this format?
Then he drops another “Cowabunga Shit”. You don’t seem to understand how that works; you’re only supposed to say it once.
Turtle Wax, Turtle Beach, hur hur because turtles. Then… a picture of the Nostalgia Critic with the words “Watch my Dick Tracy Wrist Watch review”. … Seriously? Are you so that proud of that lame joke you made in the Dick Tracy video? I don’t read his comments because I value my sanity, but was that the most positively received joke of the video by his fans? If you’re going to mock the Nostalgia Critic, get new material! He’s got years and years of it.
Then he starts praising the game again, saying it’s still accurate. Consistency? What’s that?
Then he cries about the lack of 4-player because cutscene blah blah blah. This is tiresome.
He moves onto the new levels. He complains the first one at the Zoo with all the snow makes no sense, and about the snowman robots, and about the level’s boss not being a pre-established character. How much longer?
“What a bunch of Christmas Cowabunga Snowflakey Shit!” See this is why listening to criticism is so important. It would tell you that repeating this joke over and over again isn’t funny.
Then onto the second new level which blah blah blah hard tigers blah blah blah…
Followed by some INSANE padding. Like holy shit he spends so much time trying to kill a tiger. Even when he fast-forwards the footage it just feels so long. From the way he was bragging about “20 minutes”, it felt like that was literally a goal and he pulled every move he could to reach that mark.
He’s happy because it lets him switch characters after death. I have to ask, if this was such a dealbreaker for you, why didn’t you mention it the first time? Could you be… lying?
He also notes how there’s more villains from the show. Well yeah, they have more episodes to work with now. Game came out in Japan in 91 and the USA in 92. By then they had over 100 episodes.
But then he cries some more about why the Arcade port couldn’t be like that. Followed by a fourth “cowabunga shit”. I wonder, how much of Chris’ output would change if he had someone to proofread or oversee him. Basically, slap him down and say “No, that’s a bad idea, do this instead”.
But even then, he still complains more and more that Konami never gave us a proper SNES port of the first Arcade game. Who cares, Turtles in Time was a way better game.
He believes they didn’t want to screw up their “Numbering” system. I doubt that. If anything, they just didn’t see any financial reason. Then he drops yet another “cowabunga shit”. He’s not saying exactly that, he’s changing it up every time. But that doesn’t make it funny, it’s just annoying.
Then Rob Paulsen gives a generic “Boy I do love the TMNT fans. Turtle Power”.