Friday, August 10, 2018

The Tinfoil Gets Tighter

No, still nothing on "Chris Neo" (yet). However, he did post something on Facebook that needs to be seen.





For those that can't read it, here's the text. Complete with typos.

"If you've been wondering why my paranormal website has been offline for so long, well we've been sifting through the code and I just found out it was hacked. The timing of this event seemed to have occured after I called out the celebs in the paranormal field for suppressing my new methods. So this is how it is eh? One has to have alot of insecurities if you feel you need to try and silence my work this way. A big special thanks to the fans that keep tweeting and tagging these paranormal celebs of my existence and pushing my work on them. I've met them all and gauged their reactions to me and my research and I can tell it annoys them to no end that I broke down their entire western ghost hunting approach through a pyschological mindset and pasted it back together in a way that they cannot duplicate so easily. And you'll be happy to know, I've made a huge breakthrough this summer with investigating that I haven't even made public. Very exciting stuff that I even can't talk about yet since I'm still breaking down all the nuiances. Thank you for your continued support."

Oh... wow. Fucking wow.

Turns out he didn't let his domain just lapse, no it was HACKED! Right after he called out the "eeeevil" celebs! This can't be real.
How about naming these celebrities Chris? Are you afraid or are you just full of shit? You do this all the time, like those "hundreds of YouTubers" from 2006/07 you watched as inspiration instead of the AVGN. It's always a lot of people but nobody in particular. That Alex Jones influence is really showing itself. "It's never my fault, it's always the fault of someone else."

You say you met these people and they were annoyed with you? How did you know that? Could you tell from their expression, tone or demeanor? Perhaps they were annoyed with something else. Like how this shitheel from Ohio is coming in with these long debunked methods and is trying to pass them off as new. They probably even told you that but you didn't listen because you can't take criticism.
"Cannot duplicate easily"? What's so hard? Learning to ask if being dead is different from being alive? Learning which beeps on your overpriced devices are different? You don't do anything revolutionary or different!

How did you know it was hacked? Was there something specific that warned you? You gave no indication of being a computer or code expert. This is sounding more and more like an excuse for being lazy and forgetting to pay the domain name. I like to think that if someone hacked you, they wouldn't just take it down. They'd replace the page with like Illuminati shit, though your tinfoil wearing ass would probably think it was legit considering your hilarious meltdown over Nickelodeon.

What "experts" are your "fans" tweeting at? Give us names!

So you say you made a huge breakthrough this summer. Really?: You sure it wasn't filled with making stupid videos about toys? Videos like his latest "PENNYWISE IT Movie FUNKO CEREAL UNBOXING! NECA Exclusive Mini Pop Action Figure SERIES 2"
... Oh my god are you serious? Oh yeah, that lovable kids movie It. Featuring such child-friendly scenes like an opening with a 7 year old getting his arm torn off. Seriously what is it with Funko making these joke cereals on violent properties? At least with Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street they haven't had movies in years.

Continued support huh? You have over 3000 Facebook friends, and yet as of this post, only 4 of them commented. Makes me wonder how many are just inactive accounts, I know I gave up Facebook. 

So what's your favorite brand of foil Chris? The old classic Reynolds, the cheaper Walmart, or maybe something local?

Monday, August 6, 2018

It's been a month

Chris posted his last "Neo" video on July 6th. It is now August 6th. What the hell?
It can not be that hard to put together a video on Mario Game Genie codes, especially the way he does it. He opens his emulator, turns on the game, inputs the Game Genie code, and records the result. Then he edits it down with some boring reaction shots. How does that take a long time? A competent editor could do it in like a day.

And once again, your family is not an excuse. Not when you make 32(!) Puppet Steve videos and 3 Zombie Steve videos in that span of time.
You're probably wondering why I keep mentioning his "family" excuse? That's what he wrote on his site, that he'll sometimes miss a week because of his family responsibilities. I'd show you... except Chris let his site domain lapse again. Second time he's done it this year (unless I missed some instances). How does that keep happening? Is he trying to let it die?

You know Chris, you can tell people you're doing Puppet Steve, and "Chris Neo" is merely a hobby. ... A hobby you get paid for since the videos are sponsored. I'd say ad revenue too but those videos are barely getting views. Too bad you no longer have an audience of Charlies.

But hey, who has time to renew domains or finish promises when there's videos to be made about... Rampage Funko Pops. That movie came out four months ago Chris, way to be relevant. Though looking at the thumbnail they seem more based on the game but that's besides the point, it's clear he made the video in relation to the movie, yet the movie came out four months ago. It already got an Honest Trailer.

Chris also opened a new Puppet Steve store (separate from the Etsy one that sells custom Lego minifigs and Fidget Spi- oh wait, those are gone now hahaha). This store sells t-shirts. Including designs like a logo, "Puppet-Tastic", "Super Awesome!" (cringe), "My Kids Love Puppet Steve" (no parent would be caught dead wearing that), "My Parents Watch Puppet Steve" (no parent would let their child wear that in public) and a forced meme "Zombie Steve, Stop Eating my Figures" (it's the worst selling shirt). Interesting to note how these are all words, with no characters on them. Perhaps someone is afraid of the giant Seattle-based corporate monster that's looming over you and could possibly shut you down at anytime?
There's also a gift card. It's the most popular item. What's weird is that the second and third most popular items are shirts for girls. Are girls a big part of Puppet Steve's audience? Perhaps he should capitalize on it by letting his step-daughter do more videos. She hasn't shown up in a long time. Perhaps he saw me praising her and didn't want her stealing the limelight? Too bad Chris, she knows more than you and she's only a kid.

I also noticed Chris added another channel to his "Featured" section. He didn't make it, it's someone called "Funky Toy Trunk". He added it because he guest-stars in a video. What is this channel? "Animated" Funko Pop videos, and I'm being generous in calling them animated because it moves like South Park. I'm feeling all that cancer.
He shows up in a video playing Funko Pop Steve as he meets... The Tick. Oh yeah, because kids today know who The Tick is. I know there's an Amazon Prime show but I doubt kids watch that.

In non-Puppet Steve news
I added this to the Lost Media Wiki: https://lostmediawiki.com/Hardcore_Pawn_(unreleased_%22Chris_Bores%22_episode_of_reality_show;_existence_unconfirmed;_2015)
A page about his supposed Hardcore Pawn appearance. I marked it as "Existence Unconfirmed" as Chris is the only source of this, and we know he has a history of lying. Maybe a crewman or producer could confirm if the footage exists. But as far as we know, it's all a story.

Not much on Facebook. He brings up The Last Jedi and that he thought it was confusing (no not really, it was flawed but the movie was not confusing). Along with how Will Smith is getting a YouTube channel and "the little guy" is being left behind.  I've already ranted enough about this....

So do you think Chris is ever going to make that last Game Genie video? Or is he going to abandon Chris Neo and just let it die without saying anything? We shall see. But I'm sure he'll find a scapegoat like he has before. "James Rolfe undermined me by posting about the Colecovision when I was going to do that!"

Saturday, July 7, 2018

An Atari Artbook Because Nobody is Watching

Another week goes by where he doesn't make a video, leading to a two week wait. No excuse again, and "fatherhood" is still not an excuse because he posted 13(!) Puppet Steve videos in that time. Two were about cereal. I am not kidding, even when trying to hide his past, he still does stupid things from that time.

New video, and it's not the final part of Mario Game Genie. Those videos can NOT be hard to make, just put in the code and record the results.
Instead we get: Atari VCS Video Game Art Book - History of Cartridges, Flyers, Games 2600, 7800 Chris NEO
Ah jeez that is a messy title. Trying to stuff as many trending words as possible?

Video is a little under seven minutes.

"I know I like to spend a lot of time on the NES system" Redundant. Nintendo Entertainment System System? Should have done a second take Chris.
Says they're going to check out something cool for the Atari and holds up a 7800 controller. That's false advertising, he's not looking at a game.

Intro

Claims that the Atari was one of the first systems he ever "picked up and played" I don't believe you.
He shows the book. See the cover? Now look at the thumbnail Chris chose for the video. Why didn't Chris use the book's cover? Why did he go for the controversial E.T. game? Is it part of his weird clickbait strategy? "Nobody will care if I use the cover, but if I show one of the games I reviewed in the past and one that's notable" Please, it's not like anyone is watching this.

He comments that they had "the most amazing artists" do the artwork for the covers. While showing Atari 7800 games in grayscale, which do not do a good job of showing off the artwork. Dumbass Chris, could have gone with 2600 games but instead did something stupid. As usual. Not to mention his copy of Centipede has a huge rip in it. Not even a minute in...
"If you pick up any of these titles, you'll just be blasted with it" This is referring to the "cool art". Does Chris ever look over what he writes?

Blah blah blah blah...
Oh wow he brings up History of Video Games. Good thing that's dead. Why bring that up but refuse to mention Irate Gamer by name?

Oh... I see what this video is. He's done videos like this before. All he does is skim through a book and occasionally comment on something. I know he did that with an Assassin's Creed art book.
Yeah, this isn't worth covering. I'm sorry.

I think it's safe to say that "Chris Neo" has been a bust. The views have been abysmal, he barely gets comments about the videos on Facebook, the schedule has been inconsistent, even his websites are dead. As in they've been suspended.
Why did Chris even bring this back to begin with? Apparently people have been begging for it, but now that it's back, nobody is watching. Hell, it took over a month for his Thanos video to get over 10k views. Maybe people don't like this even more boring direction? Maybe people heard that Chris is a crazy conspiracy theorist and want nothing to do with that? Who knows.

Sorry for the weak post.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

More Mario Game Genie Crap

After three weeks of no videos with no explanations to his absence, Chris finally put out a new one. It's also the promised follow-up to the last Mario Game Genie video, which he posted a month ago. Smoooooth.
He claims on his site that he can't always promise videos because of "fatherhood", and yet in the time since the stupid Thanos video, he has posted 25 Puppet Steve videos! You're lying Chris, and I don't know why. Just be truthful, say this is a hobby and you're far more dedicated to dangling keys in front of kids now.

Anyway, this one is called: Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O - Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie Hack

Thankfully it's only 5:23 (so a little under five minutes excluding the sponsorship). But that only makes me question how this took a month to get out. This can't be that hard, just type in Game Genie codes, record the results, and edit. You don't even need the console, just use an emulator (which is probably what he's been using)

I am never going to get used to the stupid glasses.
"Locked away" Again, not locked away, just rewritten code.
"I've been playing the game Super Mario Bros since 1986" Add 20 years to that.
Recaps the previous video, keeps going on about how they're hidden and locked away. Again, that's not how it works.

First code, leads to World H-1. A looping water world a/la Minus World. Woo...
 Second code, I-1. Exact same thing as 3-3 only it loops. Floating shell, "funny" reaction face.
Third code, J-1. It's the same as D-1. Why did you make this video Chris? There's nothing interesting here.
Fourth code, K-1. Looks like a standard level with weird enemy placement. "I just love finding worlds like these" You didn't find it! Seriously, this is like shit-tier Super Mario Maker trash.
"Only in these lost worlds" Ugggggh
L-1 is just 8-1
M-1 is 3-3 again. Though he claims it's World H instead of World I. Editing? What's that?
N-1 is another World 8 stage an O-1 is something from the last video. This is boring. Only morons would think this is fascinating.
He tries other combos, most of them are just levels from the game, one is a blank screen. Chris does a really weak-ass facepalm. The kind that says "It took me 40 takes to do this!"
He does one more code leading to a glitchy world. One that surprisingly doesn't crash.
And he ends the video saying there's still more to come. Oh my god make it stop! Nobody cares about this! The views certainly reflect that. They really didn't care for your stupid Thanos video either, it still hasn't reached 10,000 views. You were too late! You would have gotten tons of views if you made that within a week of Infinity War.

So how long until the last stupid Game Genie video comes out? A week? A month? Just have to wait and see.

Over on Puppet Steve, Chris still doesn't understand that Rick & Morty isn't for kids as he looks at a box of Strawberry Smiggles, a prop box from FYE (according to an Amazon review, it's all marshmallows). For those unaware, this is referencing a scene where they watch Interdimensional Cable and see a commercial for said cereal. Involving a leprechaun with rabbit ears eating Strawberry Smiggles, only for a pair of dead-eye kids to hold him down, cut open his stomach, and eat the cereal found in his entrails. Fun for kids! Chris your obsession with cereal blinds you so much.
He also did a few Incredibles II videos (one with Bowser for some reason), more FNAF bootlegs (nobody cares), a video on Crash Bandicoot mini-figures (I imagine he's never played a Crash game, especially when hack review sites freaked out over how hard it was when playing the N Sane Trilogy), and a weird video that's described as FNAF plushies fighting the Devil from Cuphead over candy. Did someone from the Elsagate crowd ghost-write that?

Buuuut that's not all, we have a ghost update! Over on Facebook, Chris got "candid" and talked about his book. How people are taking it seriously, how "the higher-ups of the ghost community" are somehow suppressing his book and keeping people from reading it, and that once all his ghost knowledge gets out, all those nasty haters are going to pay. This is just a summary, the full thing is badly-written wall of text.

Wow. You really think there's a shady group of ghost experts that are so afraid of you that they're purposely suppressing the book from getting out there? Chris, you're delusional. There's no "paranormal deep state" plotting against you. You claim this whenever things don't go you way. Like how you claimed James Rolfe was under-cutting you, or how Machinima was working against your channel. There's nobody trying to hide your book, you're just an asshole and a terrible author. By chance someone finds your book on Amazon, they'll read the reviews and find the more helpful ones are negative. Or they'll learn about your book on TVTropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" page, which gives a nice little summary about how much of an egotistical little shitbird you are.

Chris, give up on the ghosts. There's nothing there, and if there was, someone much smarter than you would have figured it out.

See you when I see you.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Puppet Steve Tries to Tap Into the E3 "Hype"

You guys have a good E3? I did at least.
Excited that Kingdom Hearts III finally has a release date. It's been five and a half years... I should replay the PS4 collections in preparation
Absolutely elated that the true Tales of Vesperia is finally coming over, and it's not exclusive. Yes, that one Namco.
I'm actually excited for an Assassin's Creed game. It looks different enough that I'm interested. Hope it doesn't suck.
No idea what Babylon's Fall will be, but more titles from PlatinumGames are always good.
September is gonna break me with Dragon Quest XI and Spider-Man.
Death Stranding... I think I have an idea of what it is? Though Sony's lack of release dates for a lot of their big titles is worrisome... Like their treatment of crossplay.
And of course, the showstopper that is Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Which is the subject of today's post!

Instead of Chris using his established gamer persona to talk about E3, he uses Puppet Steve instead. Oh good...
Posted last night. At least he was actually timely about it.
Super Smash Bros Ultimate Nintendo Switch E3 Full Reveal! Complete Roster New Fighters Amiibo 2018

Of course he's gotta stick that amiibo in there. Because fuck the actual game.
It's six minutes long. ... Okay.

Fake over-excitement. His wobbly table has a bunch of amiibo on it. Why not a Nintendo Swi- oh wait I don't think he even has a Switch. Too much money spent on FNAF crap I imagine.
Of course this is gonna be about CHARACTERS! And he claims they added a ton of new ones. No they didn't, they only added three (so far). Inkling, Daisy, and Ridley.
Apparently the first "new" character is the Pokemon Trainer, who he refers to as Ash Ketchum. That's not Ash, that's Red. He's very different, in that he's competent. Also, he's not a new character, he's returning from Brawl.
"You can play as all kinds of Pokemon like Charizard, Ivysaur, Squirtle, and more" Uhh no, just those three. Pokemon Trainer can only control those three. There are other Pokemon in the game, but they're not controlled by the trainer. They stand alone. Unless that's what you mean, but you're not very good at conveying your points.
Brings up the Inkling. "This brings in a lot of fun because you can play as the girl or the boy! Oh yes!" ... You have a weird idea of fun.
"There are over 8 different characters you can play in all?" As he shows all the Inkling variations. Those aren't new characters, they're different costumes. There is only one Inkling, and you can change their costume to fit your preference, or if you do an 8-player battle with only Inklings. How do you not get this?

And he continues to think there's "more characters" because of the Villager and how there's 8 different ones. Again, costumes. He also thinks they "added" this. No, this was in the last game. I know damn well you played the last game, I saw that video. You can't possibly be this ignorant. Yet somehow he is.
He's also surprised at female Pikachus. Yes Chris, gendered Pokemon have been thing since Gen 2, and the heart-tail has been a thing since Gen 4. You'd know this if you were an actual Pokemon fan and not just pretending to be one.
At least he brings up the actual other new characters with Daisy and Ridley. Doesn't say much. Just that Daisy's Toad is blue compared to Peach's red Toad and that Ridley is going to kick butt.

And then... he proceeds to list every character. Over 60 of them. Why? Just why?
He mispronounces Ryu of course... doing the RYE-YOO pronunciation.
As well as Lucina, saying it as "Lucinda".
Palutena is mispronounced. That might just be an accent thing though.
What's weird is that he considers Sonic, Pac-Man and Mega Man as guest fighters, but lists Ryu and Bayonetta as if they're Nintendo characters and not guests. Capcom and Sega characters Chris. It's not hard.
He finally stops, drops a "super cool"

And then he shows the release date of December 7th, while saying September. You edited this Chris. You edited this and (hopefully) did multiple takes. How did you screw that up? It's right there on the screen!

He brings up the new Final Smashes. "Sonic turns into his golden form" Which he could always do since Brawl, only now it's a lot faster.
The only thing he says about the stages is the "graphically upgrades". Nothing about how they're all getting Battlefield variants. Though that would require Chris to understand the intricacies of this series, and he never will.
"Link's got his blue suit" That's the Champion's Tunic from Breath of the Wild, making it very clear you haven't bothered to play that. Then again, what's the point when there's crappy toys to show off?

"EASTER EGGS" Uh huh...
He talks about Assist Trophies, acting like they're new. Nope, been a thing since Brawl.
"Waluigi, Knuckle Joe, the Pac-Man Ghosts" None are new, all have been in past games.
"Protoman and Bass" Not assist trophies, just a part of Mega Man's Final Smash now. Also, he mispronounces Bass. He pronounces it like the fish, not the guitar. Yes I know Mega Man 8 uses the fish way but it's clearly meant to coincide with the musical motif the series has.
Lists more... I'm surprised he brought up Jeff from Earthbound. That seems like something way too obscure for him.
Of course he gushes over Bomberman as an assist trophy, and is annoyed he's not playable. My informant told me he also mentions that on Facebook and still wants Simon Belmont too. Wonder if he still thinks they're Nintendo characters.

Onto the amiibo. He just wants more.
Well there will be more, we know Inkling, Ridley and Daisy are confirmed. No word on the returning fighters but I imagine we'll see them.
He also wants new poses. Oh fuck nooooooo. At most we'll get reprints of the original Smash line. Not to mention a lot of these characters have "different poses" from different lines. Link has like 10 different amiibo.
He also believe there will be a lot more characters announced. Did you not pay attention to what Sakurai said? He said there won't be a lot of new additions, because the roster is already massive. 68 characters already. At most we'll probably get up to 70.

Yeah that was dumb. Could have shaved like 3 minutes without the padding and if he did proper research and realized many of those "new characters" aren't new or even characters. I'm just amazed at the ignorance. God I hope kids aren't getting information from this...

Think "Chris Neo" will do E3 coverage? We'll see. He inexplicably skipped last week. If there's a reason I didn't hear it from my informant.

But man, Puppet Steve is a mess of a channel. Before the Smash video, he spammed NINE FNAF videos. Are you serious?! It must be paying off for him to do that. Does YouTube still do the audience retention thing? Spamming videos only works if the audience watches each one all the way through (and DarkSideDave still doesn't get that).
His latest is a video on Minecraft Fun...ko... Pop. Oooooh god, that's like 20 different kinds of cancerous cringe. I don't think so.

Enjoy the rest of E3 everyone.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Striking the Infinity War Iron... A Month After It Came Out

So much for more Mario Game Genie crap. Probably next week.
Instead, time to cash-in on the Avengers: Infinity War hype! What do you mean it came out last month and almost everyone knows how it ends?
Leave it to Chris to be late to the party.
For the few people that haven't seen Infinity War and still want to, spoilers are ahead.

This week's video is only three and a half minutes long, that's a relief.
THANOS Destroys the Video Game Universe! Avengers Infinity War Gauntlet Battle 

Not sure why Thanos is in all caps... well click-bait.
In fact, I saw the title this morning and it was worse. It didn't have the "video game" part, just said "destroys the universe" (even though Thanos only took out half the universe). The title also had Fortnite in it. Someone must have called him out on that one, then he deleted the comment and changed it pretending like it never happened. It's the conspiracy shitbag way!
EDIT: Or maybe it did say "Video Game Universe". I just know Fortnite was there before and now it's gone. Twas a busy day.

Description says he's "trying out something new". Uh oh...
It also says "Thank you for watching the Chris NEO Retro Show" Retro? Where did this come from? Also, isn't that an oxymoron? I assume the word "Neo" in this case means "new", and yet all you've talked about is old games. Now you're calling yourself "Chris Neo Retro"? What the hell are you?

Video opens, gives a spoiler warning, claims Thanos had an impact on reality and the real world but also had one on the gaming world. Then he does an over-acting "WUUT?"

He mentions how he saw "The Infinity War" (it's called Avengers: Infinity War, you're likely confusing it with the 1992 comic that served as a sequel to The Infinity Gauntlet comic which A:IW took its inspiration)
After seeing it, he returned home and decided to play Maximum Carnage. ... As you do?
Starting it up, Spider-Man doesn't show up in the game. He believes because Spider-Man died in the movie, he was wiped out from the game. This is already stupid!
He puts in Arcade's Revenge (not a good game) and he's gone from that.
Then he freaks out because Thanos may have wiped out characters in other games. So he grabs a bunch of random NES games off his shelf. Look at all this tension! Pffffft

"It was then that I put in Super Mario Bros. for the NES" You don't have to narrate, you're not a Jojo character.
He beats Bowser and finds that Toad is gone. Then he voices Mario wondering where he is. Duuuumb. At least he said Toad's name right for once.
Then he goes to Super Mario Bros. 2 and finds Toad is gone there.
Then he goes to Paperboy and the title character is gone. Then a stupid bit where two neighbors wonder where the paperboy is and a break-dancer in the streets is run over with a car. ARE YOU LAUGHING YET?
Then he goes to Mortal Kombat (because Chris' knowledge of video games is so very limited) and somehow Thanos wiped out "the announcer". You mean Shang Tsung? He was the announcer of the first game. It gets worse because he's playing in the stage where Tsung is clearly in the background. Also his voices for Scorpion and Johnny Cage are terrible.

Then Donkey Kong, there's no more Pauline (Chris couldn't bother to learn her name). More terrible Mario voices.
Then Sonic & Knuckles (not Sonic 3 and Knuckles, just the expansion) where there's no Knuckles
Then Pac-Man with no Pac-Man, with a dumb bit where two of the ghosts leave to get ice cream (Zzzzzz)
Then TMNT on NES with Leonardo, Donatello and Michelangelo gone, only Raphael is left. Get it because Raphael sucks in that game. Hur hur hur hur hur hur hurfaksrjef;likesrf;laekrj;lka

"Wait a minute, what about the Duck Hunt Dog?" The one you already killed in the finale of Irate Gamer? Thanos can't kill what's already dead. Unless he reverses time and reality first but you killed the dog already.
He starts playing... with the NES controller. Where's your fucking Zapper? You can't play Duck Hunt with the controller! Did you put any thought into this video?
Anyway the dog survived and that's the joke...
He begs the Avengers to stop Thanos and save the "gaming world". Oh fuck this noise.

What a pointless video. Can't even cash in on the Avengers hype because it's over a month old. And don't tell me "It took him long time to edit", a lot of these were really easy edits! Basic shit you learn in a school course. Hell the Mortal Kombat example didn't even need editing, he just muted sound! The TMNT one was easy, he just killed off the other three Turtles first. It's not like How It Should Have Ended which actually needs time to animated, or Honest Trailers which needs the full movie.

One of the comments Chris liked (the little heart symbol that puts the comments on top) comes off really sarcastic. "Wow this was unique. Nobody has brought this up on YouTube. Good job!"
Somehow Chris could not see the obvious snark. Goes to show how dumb he really is.

Are we sure this wasn't a Puppet Steve video he somehow mixed in here? It was just as juvenile.
Speaking of *goes to check* More FNAF, more Bendy, more Minecraft, wait Mortal Kombat? *thumbnail has Steve wearing a Raiden hat* Yeah I'm not touching that.

EDIT: Also to add how lazy this video was, he didn't even bother to do the fading effect. He's just showing the aftermath. That's boring! 

Sunday, May 27, 2018

No Game Genie Can Save These Dull Videos

I left that warning about going out of town as I had foolishly assumed Chris would actually release something. I should have known better by now. In fact, these last two videos weren’t even released on Friday, but Saturday.

We got two videos over ten minutes long about Mario. Why did I wait until now? Heard that it was a two-parter. In fact, my informant already told me that this is a three-parter, but I better get started now or else I’ll never see the whole thing.

First video. The title is “Super Mario Bros 1, 2, and 3 NES Controversy! Plus World 9-1 Hack?! Chris NEO Nintendo Retro Show”
Look at that glorious click bait! Only a step away from “SCANDAL”. All that InfoWars is sure paying off, too bad you can’t say the same from those 20 water filters you bought.

Considering the format of “Chris Neo” has been more boring lately, I think I’m done with timestamps. Especially when there’s long stretches of nothing. I’ll basically point out the bad bits and if there’s something really bad I’ll mention a specific time.

Video opens with him calling Super Mario Bros a game that changed the industry forever. Here we go…

He notes how kids all know Mario, but don’t know how big an impact the first game had. They don’t really care. Here’s your problem with history videos Chris, you hyper-focus on one thing when there isn’t enough to talk about. I think kids would be more interested in the history of Nintendo or the Mario series in general instead of just one game, and it’s not a game that had a tumultuous development like Sonic 06.

“Super Mario Bros is a very iconic game” And Chris wonders why nobody takes him seriously…
He pulls a “kids these days” claiming that kids won’t get why it’s a big deal. Guys, I think Chris is having a mid-life crisis.
Blah blah blah nothing else like it. See, I don’t feel the passion. That’s why Chris fails.

He brings up the video game crash while showing stock footage of him playing Centipede. Okay here’s the thing about the crash, it only affected the console market. Arcades and computers were perfectly fine. Just want to bring that up.
He goes on about how all the games back then were “repetitious”. Only if you looked at Arcade games. Computers had games like Ultima and Wizardry, expansive (at the time) RPGs that weren’t confined to a single screen like Dig Dug or Ms. Pac-Man (his examples).

He mentions how he got his NES on his birthday in 1986 (November) and the two games he got were Ghosts n’ Goblins and Super Mario Bros. He takes this time to once again bring up how Ghosts n’ Goblins sucked. It’s getting the point where the line between Bores and parody videos is blurring (this is like a moment in a Third Rate Gamer video).
Wait hold on. *double checks* What about Duck Hunt, Popeye and Mach Rider? In your “First 5 Video Games I owned on the NES” video, you mentioned those three in-between Super Mario Bros and Ghosts n’ Goblins. In fact you claimed that you exchanged Mach Rider for Ghosts n’ Goblins! Which is the truth Chris?

He gushes over how at the time all these aspects we take for granted were “so new and exciting”. Who are you targeting?
He gushes about how there’s more than four levels. This is really stupid.
“More secrets to discover!” What is with all this obvious shit?

And then I reached a moment that somewhat broke me. At around 4:04 Chris belts out a “Very cool!” with an inflection similar to Mike, Jay and Rich of RedLettterMedia during their “Nerd Crew” segment. Only without the complete irony those three deliver it in. Chris is reaching the level of vapid seen on IGN, Collider and Screen Junkies.

Blah blah blah world 3...
Mentions how you can move “outside the level”. Claiming it took him ages to find out you can do that in World 1-2. This is boring…

After about five minutes of gushing, he moves onto Super Mario Bros. 2. This should be brief since he already talked about it 11 years ago. … Right? Not much to say here?

He starts of saying that people missed the point of his original review. Oh really? Then please enlighten us as to the “real meaning”.
And he proceeds to repeat the exact same points he made in his video. About how it’s different and thus bad. Oh wait no it’s still “iconic” but it’s different so it’s bad. For fuck’s sake…
He even recycles footage from the first review.
And then goes on about how it’s really Doki Doki Panic. Okay, here’s something that needs to be brought up about that game. Doki Doki Panic is a licensed game. The characters are based on Fuji TV’s “Dream Factory” event, an expo that showed off upcoming TV shows, and the four featured in the game were mascots for the 1987 event. They legally can’t release it outside of Japan. If anything, Nintendo made the right choice to redo the game with Mario characters since the game itself is good. Nintendo has always had a “gameplay first, characters later” policy. Splatoon was almost a Mario game. The Wonderful 101 was almost a sister-series to Smash Bros.
I’ve heard people in Japan actually prefer “Super Mario USA” over Doki Doki (likely because the Mario version added some improvements like a run button even if it sacrificed saving).

Chris, what are you doing? No seriously, what are you doing? This is like the fifth time you’ve recycled an old video. TMNT comics, RoboCop on NES, Rayman Legends, Fruity Yummy Mummy, are you that creatively bankrupt that you need to keep recycling old ideas? Hell you keep going back to ghosts even though you lose money every time you do, you even admitted that! Is this why you do Puppet Steve? Because you don’t have even try with that one? “HEY KIDS look at this cool shit I got! I have this toy you fucking want and I can have it because I’m an adult with money! Even though I waste it on stupid paranormal shit! I’m so smrt kids! Be like Puppet Steve!”

“It didn’t make sense” Why not? Back then, a lot of NES sequels radically changed things. Zelda II was a side-scrolling RPG with high difficulty, Castlevania II had non-linear exploration (an early precursor of the Metroidvania style), Final Fantasy II had individual stat-leveling, Fire Emblem Gaiden had random encounters, this happened all the time on both sides of the world.

Okay he kept it brief. He moves onto Super Mario Bros. 3.
Goes on and on about how hard it was to find back then and there was no Amazon and eBay. This really does feel like a mid-life crisis video…
At around 6:56, he runs into a pipe with a fireball spitting Piranha Plant, and gets hit with no attempt at dodging it. FFL2and3Rocks came out of hiding to point that out in the comments with a sarcastic “Good job!”.

More “iconic”. There was this show on Sci-Fi around 2010 called Hollywood Treasure, a reality show that followed a group that auctioned off notable movie props. The head of the group had a bad habit of calling just about everything he saw “iconic”. It was like drinking game levels of usage.

“It was the perfect successor to Super Mario Bros 1!” Oh hey he got it right this time! Also, that wasn’t why Super Mario Bros 3 was “iconic”. People loved the first two games (and didn’t care 2 was different), it was advertised in The Wizard, and people overall loved Mario. They still do, Super Mario Odyssey sold millions.
“What made things even worst” … Did I hear that right? It sounded like he said “worst” instead of “worse”
Anyway he complains that magazines got exclusive access back then. So nothing has changed. Why not show these magazines instead of more gameplay footage? That would make the video more interesting.
He gushes about the “easter eggs” (he means secrets) that are “just like the first installment”. Mario 2 had secrets too. Mostly warp zones but they were there. Then again, when he said “easter egg” he showed footage of Mario getting a mushroom so I guess his concept of “hidden secrets” is vastly different from EVERYONE ELSE!

“The warps were back!”
They were in 2! Ugh you are so terrible at this!

After about 8 minutes, he gets to the point of the video’s title. He takes out his best friend, the Game Genie.

Time for some over-acting! He shows off World 9-1 in all its glitch-y glory.
Are we supposed to be impressed? Super Mario Bros was easy to manipulate with Game Genie…
“I didn’t know this level was just sitting in this game here” It wasn’t. The Game Genie messes around with assets and features to make a hodge-podge of a level. Nintendo DID NOT MAKE THIS LEVEL! They actually have skilled level designers that understand the side-scroller (after playing Super Mario Maker, I have a greater appreciation for them). Nintendo would never make a level with off-colors and swimming in the sky.

“Of course we love the neon colors!” *lowers his glasses* Get rid of those! They’re not cool! You’re a moron!

The inevitable happens and the level freezes. What did you expect? It’s not something that’s meant to be.
“Locked somewhere in this game” It’s not locked! Ugh, you don’t know anything.
And the video is over, with him saying that he’ll look at more Game Genie shit next time. Hoo boy…
And of course, sponsorship! I can’t imagine these guys can support you forever.

And so, one week later, we get to Part 2.

The title this time “Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World Hack A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie”
Weird cross-promotion with the Letter People I mean Alphabet Bunch.

Interestingly, both videos are the exact same length. No idea if Chris planned this, but knowing his ego, he’ll claim that he did.
Thumbnail is also terrible looking. Chris’ floating head is wearing two of those stupid glasses. Barf.

Video opens, claims he made “huge waves” in the last episode and that this one will “blow your mind”. No. No it won’t. Also when he says that last part, it zooms in on each word. Where did you learn editing?

And now for the biggest lie of the video. Chris claims he never found any of this anywhere else on the internet. Nope. There’s videos, there’s forum posts, look up Game Genie codes and all of them are widely available and ready to use. You are full of shit Chris. So much shit. How you can even stand up-right without being weighed down by all the shit you’re full of is a miracle of science.

See, he’s even using a book as his guide. He acts like in the 28 years since the Game Genie was introduced, nobody has done a video about this.

“This Matrix thing”
That’s a VERY thin connection to the Matrix. Random lines of code do not make it that.
Showing off…
We then get the reason for the stupid thumbnail. He finds a world where things are doubled, then it cuts him wearing two glasses and he says “Now that’s what I call double vision.” My head hurts…

He continues to claim World 9 is “hidden”. For fuck’s sake!
I know the book says “Lost Levels” but they’re not. They’re hacked levels made with the existing assists and code. Chris is just dumb enough to believe that because he’s dumb enough to worship Alex Jones and believe in ghosts.
“How come I’ve never heard of this?” Shut up.

Still calls Koopa Troopas “turtles”. Yep…
Wow this is boring. Like this level isn’t even that exciting and Chris’ commentary is just “Hey look at the thing”.
Oh god, more “I’ve never seen this” lies. Pointing out how the codes are similar with only one letter. Yeah that’s kind of code works in simple games like this. You just alter something slightly for different effects. This isn’t new stuff Chris.

He tries to act like he “figured something out” when puts P in the code and goes to World A, and acts like he solved it. Bullshit we know you looked this up. You’re not smart.

Shows off another hacked world…
Shows off another hacked world fuck this is boring
“Yep, just thrilling” You can’t call it boring when you’re being boring.

Shows off a hacked world that kills you instantly. “What a drop of douche bag!” … What? Also when he says that, the sound is muffled. Why has the sound been so bad in these videos?

Shows off another hacked world that’s similar to a previous one but doesn’t explain why. Then he edits in Ms. Pac-Man out of nowhere. Back to the shit gags of old.

Gets to what I hope is the last hacked world (since it’s G and G is the last letter in the title), and it’s exactly like World 1-2. Until he gets to the warp zone and goes down a pipe to Minus World.
Chris then goes on about how “smug” it is that it doesn’t need a letter. Dude, that’s Minus World, that’s a legendary glitch! How do you not know this? Oh right, Bores…

Shows off another hacked world, this one is somehow so glitchy that Mario moves on his own.
“No wonder they don’t call him Jumpman anymore” There’s two minutes left…

Shows off another one, this one doesn’t freeze when you progress, instead it has multiple levels.
He gets to the third and runs into Bowser, refers to him as King Koopa even though in the last video he was Bowser, and then gets killed. “Gosh damn it!” … Why? Just why?
“Damn Bowser” Wait, you’re calling him both? Pick one!

He shows off more hacked world and the video ends. But not before saying that next week is even more fucking Game Genie. It looks like Bores found his FNAF. Even though it gets nowhere near the amount of views. Oh god what’s going to happen when the FNAF movie comes out? I mean, I know there’s going to be like 40 Puppet Steve videos, but will Chris be crazy enough to do FNAF content on Irate G- I mean “Chris Neo”? If there’s views involved…

Yeah these were really boring. Nothing mind-blowing, just lazy click bait. I remember seeing a video on the Game Genie from someone much better, RinryGameGame. Looked her up and learned she hasn’t made a video in years. That’s a shame…
Chris clearly has no love or passion for this. It feels more like an obligation at this point. To who though? His sponsor? The small amount of people that still watch? His mid-life crisis?

If next week’s stupid video leads into a Part 4, I’ll wait for that. Otherwise I’ll write a post about Part 3.

Over on Puppet Steve, more Bendy, more FNAF, more Cuphead, and now he’s doing toys based on Hello Neighbor. I didn’t even realize that was popular enough to get toys. I only know of that game from Vinesauce when Vinny plays shitty Android games and plays a whole bunch of rip-offs.

And that’s it for me.