Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Baseball Cards Are Not An Exciting Topic for a Video

Just because Chris has retired the Irate Gamer (and I’m starting to think he confused “retired” with “hiatus”), doesn’t mean I’m done mocking his videos. Far from it.

If you wanted to ask Chris if he truly did retire, Facebook is not the way to go. He’s disabled the ability for friends/fans to post on his timeline. I wonder why…
Or maybe Chris is trying to become an actor now, reporting that he was on the set of a horror movie coming in 2015. It will probably suck. Do you think the other guy has something to do with this? …. *shrugs*

Anywho, there’s a new 80s video up! Huzzah…
Today he’s going to cover… the hell is this? “Looney Tunes Comic Ball Baseball Cards”. Were Looney Tunes and baseball ever a thing? I know Looney Tunes and basketball were, Space Jam exists. Hmm… I’ll do my research when I find out what this is.

“The latest installment of this crazy series!” If by crazy you mean boring, then most certainly.

0:00 - 0:14: We get our intro, and what Chris is referring to is “Comic Ball Cards”. Oooh, those. Yeah those… I remember my dad collected DC Comic themed ones. Odd toy to make a video about…

0:14 - 0:54: Upper Deck was formed, modern baseball stock footage, modern business meeting stock footage (hiding their faces doesn’t hide the fact this footage was made recently)…
“Looney Tunes and baseball” You mean the MLB?
He explains more about them, how they got Chuck Jones to draw the cards… very generic history stuff.
IG tries to exclaim “they’re grrreat“, when Tony the Tiger appears out of nowhere and says it instead. What does this have to do with the subject at hand? ………….
Then IG attacks him. Oh please, Tony the Tiger would end your ass. He can play every sport nigh-perfectly, he is a champion mascot! You can’t even beat most games without cheating.

0:54 - 1:19: He brings up that the best way to read the “story” is to put them in card sleeves in binders, and if you’re missing one then it will “drive you mad”. This is shown by IG turning into the Hulk… smash his table (which is pound his fist once and the table disappears) then suddenly Gleek from the Super Friends appears….. REFERENCES BY THEMSELVES AREN’T JOKES! There is no joke from having Gleek appear out of nowhere!

1:20 - 1:49: He mentions how the cards had the Looney Tune greats, and notes the “longest story” involved Charlie the Dog, which apparently pisses him off. Who the fuck cares?
He’s about to say it’s “almost criminal” but then gets interrupted by Cookie Crook (the second Cookie Crisp mascot) and IG attacks him. Is this the Rule of Three gag for the video? Random cereal mascots interrupt him and he attacks them? Where is the sense in this? Did the cards come in cereal? Because I know they didn’t. … Even the writers of Family Guy would tell Chris to tone it down.

1:50 - 2:42: IG lists off some of his favorite “stories” (yawn), there’s a shot of him feigning enjoyment from reading (I am just baffled really…) and mentions the rare foil cards and how getting them all… makes you “super awesome”. Cue a stupid sketch!
It’s Kid Bores, and he collected all the foil ones. Then IG says Upper Deck released the full set with all the foil cards and then a bunch of other Kid Bores walk saying they got them all too. No word on how doing that diminished the cards value? Oh right, you know nothing about economics.

2:42 - 3:05: He brings up Series 2, and notes how this one combined the Looney Tunes with real MLB players. He does a bad set-up of “how crazy would that be” (the camera is set up so something will appear) and surprisingly Bugs Bunny in a baseball uniform shows up. Holy crap, a random guest that actually has something to do with what he’s talking about! But then he immediately ruins it when Bugs asks “expecting a different bunny?” and the Energizer Bunny appears… Always have to snuff the praise Chris. Like a candle.

3:06 - 3:40: Series 2 fixed issues he had with Series 1 (which he claims to be the issues of “many people” but “citation needed”) and noted that there was a set of puzzle cards. Then we get a joke of him trying to “decipher” one and it’s a picture saying “Ur a Screwball” (with the screwball being a picture). I’ll give this credit in that it’s actually a Looney Tunes joke, not random unrelated garbage.
He mentions that the stories added Nolan Ryan and Reggie Jackson as “an attempt to appeal to kids”. Uhh, aren’t the funny cartoon animals already the thing to appeal to kids? Pretty sure the addition of Ryan and Jackson are there for people that like baseball, of all ages. I think you have that backwards.
Then a bit with Kid Bores getting excited over a Nolan Ryan card, but then asks “Who’s that?” I can’t find the joke, is it supposed to imply kids don’t know who that is? Because if kids were collecting these, chances are they were baseball fans along with Looney  Tunes fans. Maybe this is just how Bores saw it as he probably only cared for the funny cartoon animals?

3:40 - 4:19: IG mentions that Chuck Jones didn’t do the art for Series 2, leading to a scene of Chuck Jones getting thrown out of the Upper Deck offices and the guy calling him a “bum”. Screw you Chris, Chuck Jones was a legend. I’m sure there’s a reason he didn’t do the second set, lack of money, lack of time, other commitments. Upper Deck throwing him out was very likely NOT a reason. Show some respect!
With Series 2’s “artistic makeover” (it looks similar…), he felt it was “lackluster” compare to the first. This causes Bugs to faint, IG to call out for a “doctor in the house” and… Dr. Phil appears. … WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT?!
He then mentions some of the stories that he liked.

4:20 - 5:12: Onto Series 3! He lists some of the MLB stars featured, including Ken Griffey, Sr. and Ken Griffey, Jr. But then he does a terrible joke with Ken Griffey Sophomore, Ken Griffey Freshmen, and Ken Griffey and the Tonight Show Band. Ugggggggggggggggggggh.
Chuck Jones returned for another set, leading to another “Upper Deck throws him out” scene. What do you have against Chuck Jones? This isn’t funny at all.
He mentions the stories aren’t memorable either… zzzzzz *slaps* I’m up!

5:13 - 6:20: There was one last series involving the NFL, IG skips over it as he didn’t like it, then another similar series called “Adventures in Toon World” involving Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes, he mentions how this lead into Space Jam (with footage from the movie), and then a weird scene where he’s watching the movie on a “card”, then tries to sell it to a comic book dealer who finds a “microscopic crease” and only offers $2 dollars. Still bored…

Onto the verdict!
Nostalgic value, pain finding all of them, duplicates… gets a rating of “Mediocre”. Is there something lower than that Chris?

Then the video ends with…. Fuuuuuuck.
The video ends with Lionel Richie crashing through the ceiling and standing on it. You can clearly tell it’s just Bores with Richie’s face imposed over it (would this be considered blackface?) and IG says “If you can’t beat em, join em” and joins Richie on the ceiling as they dance to his notable song “Dancing on the Ceiling”. Then a bunch of other Bores come out, two of which I think are Evil Gamer and Not-Wilson. ……. LUCKILY THERE’S A FAMILY GUY! LUCKY THERE’S A MAN WHO POSITIVELY CAN DO ALL THE THINGS THAT MAKE US *slaps* Sorry, I lost my sanity there.

An odd mixture of boring and painfully stupid.
I wanted to do more research on these cards, but I really couldn’t find any info. Bores was probably the same as this felt very generic. The most we got was “There were multiple series, Chuck Jones did a couple of them, here are some of my favorites, now have a bunch of random shit”. So really, the history part was just blah and zzzzz
The jokes on the other hand, holy fuck they were annoying. Once again, references by themselves are not jokes. You have to make them work into the narrative or script. Randomly throwing them in there doesn’t automatically make them funny. I’ll at least give props for only doing the “attacking mascot” thing twice. But that’s stretching it thin.

I wonder if Bores will ever address his claim that he’s retired. I mean, if he really was, he would make a video about it on YouTube, not quietly place it on his biography where few people tread.

I want to see Bores try to release this episode on DVD with the Space Jam footage and the Lionel Richie song. Given the use of Power Rangers footage on the last DVD, it’s clear he doesn’t give a crap.

Monday, July 21, 2014

Bores "Retired" the Irate Gamer. Hold On, What?!

As you know, it's been three months since Bores posted the "story arc" finale. A lot of his fans thought that this was the end. Bores clarified that it was "only on break".
On Facebook, he said that it's "not in the schedule" as he does other things.

Well apparently, both of those were lies as his biography tells a different story! Thanks to Neptunia Gamer for finding this out.
http://www.irateentertainment.com/bio.htm

The last passage is all new.
By 2014, Chris has become a popular interviewer covering video game events like E3, turned theirategamer.com into a pop culture news site, and released a groundbreaking documentary called “Pursuit of the Paranormal” where a 90 minute conversation with a spirit was obtained.
So we're just pretending all those other interviews didn't happen? Also, the only video game event you cover is E3, don't claim you cover "events" plural. No, a Skylanders reveal doesn't count, that's just ONE game.
"Pop culture news site" A new site that cares less about news and more about random bullshit Chris finds.
Oh look, the "90 minute conversation" claim again. Quit claiming that when the movie itself is only 54 minutes long!
Currently, Chris has retired the Irate Gamer Show and spends his spare time working on further episodes of History of Video Games, Irate the 80’s and decoding the afterlife through his Pursuit of the Paranormal Case Study.
There it is. He has "retired" the Irate Gamer Show. Right there, clear as crystal, signed, sealed and delivered!

There is a positive. It means less shit from him. But the negatives far outweigh the positives. His already dwindling fanbase is going to plummet into negative numbers, most of his fans only care for the retro reviews so to hear that he's abandoning them only hastens his internet death.
Sure, he has more 80s videos planned, and I know some consider them "tolerable". But let's be real, the annoying sketches, stupid obscure references, and blatant research failure only make it look worse.
And I love how he claims he's doing more History of Video Games. GIVE IT UP CHRIS! Nobody believes you're an expert! Especially the way you suck Activision's dick for a toy based game. Hell, reading your blog shows you care more for toys than you do video games. Why should people believe you?
Speaking of Skylanders, funny how his biography completely neglects to mention that. Hmmmmm.

Either way, if his "retirement" is true, I can only foresee a swift demise. Any possible money won't be enough to recuperate the time taken.
I know his fans read this blog. I know they will be angry once this gets posted. Whatever happens... *sits back* I'll be watching.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Once More Unto the Updates

Hm? Bores uploaded new videos?
*checks* Two Skylanders videos... of course. What was even the point of the second channel?
Funny thing about that, my Facebook informant found a comment from Bores saying that he plans to close the channel as he "has no idea how it works", claiming that he tried to post the E3 videos but they're "stuck in limbo". I have absolutely no idea what this means, and I haven't heard anyone else have this problem.
I think the real answer is that he's too lazy to run two channels and would rather have everything on one easy channel for the "views". It's not like the views are that good though, despite his delusional belief that the Skylanders videos do better than everything else. Is that why your subs dropped again? Why most of the comments are people complaining about this?
Bores clearly doesn't care.
One of the comments on the new videos was from a 14 year old kid that claimed to have been watching him for 7 years. Yeah, a 7 year old watching IG.... where were the parents?
Outside of that, even he was tired of all the Skylanders content. You see what you've done Chris?

Also, Bores claimed something that I'm having trouble believing. He claims he saw more of the game than he was allowed to and the Activision PR was "going crazy" when they saw how far he got. I don't believe that. Why would Activision have an E3 demo with material that the public isn't allowed to see? Normally an E3 demo is composed of material they've prepared, usually 2 or 3 levels. What I think really happened is that Bores was spending too much time playing the demo and wasn't allowing anyone else a turn, hence why the PR "went crazy". Maybe that's why he barely covered any other games, like Smash Bros. 4.

Oh and as for something that's actually IG related? Bores claimed on Facebook that it won't be for a while as he's focusing on 80s and History of Video Games (just kill this series Bores, nobody cares anymore). He also has more ghost crap planned. For who? Who is watching the ghost crap? Are you pandering to the voices in your head?

Now... I have some bad news myself.
I know I'm barely posting here, and I know some of you are screaming for a Redux Recap. Well... there isn't going to be anymore Redux Recaps.
I just don't have the energy or the patience to look back into the past. Every time I think of possibly doing one, I feel sick. I'm sorry, but you'll have to be more patient for new content now. Whenever Bores himself posts new content.

That's it. Hmm, I wonder if there's any good material on his site.
"21 Cat EPIC FAILS Animated Gif Gallery"
....
Well that doesn't scream desperation at all. I thought the bubble he lived in was bad before but DAMN, posting cat GIFs like its something new.

Friday, June 27, 2014

E3 2014 Part 2: Wait, That's It?


Last time on IG’s E3 coverage!
MORE SKYLANDERS!
Sonic Boom looks amazing! Don’t you all agree?
I can’t decide between using my phone or using a microphone… Meh, it’s not like anyone will notice how terrible the sound is when I use my phone.
I don’t know what a Metal Gear Solid is, but I’m going to act like I do! There’s this all new power-up where you use a box!
This Zelda not developed by Nintendo is the right direction! More violence! More boobs! Less puzzles and actually trying to make me think!

And now, the continuation.

June 20th 2014

Yeaaaah, I kind of pulled the trigger on last week’s article. He posted three more videos that day. Oh well.

E3 2014 The Evil Within Video Game Interview

Really? This game? Huh, I guess we’re at the “Shit, I’ve only been talking about kids games! Here’s something matoor to remind you that I too am matoor” point of the videos.
Pretty sure Chris wouldn’t get why people are excited for this game (Shinji Mikami returns to horror!)

Boring ass interview is boring.

E3 2014 Dragon Age: Inquisition Video Game First Look Interview

Wait, this game too? What?
Right off the bat you can tell he has no clue about this series. In the description he says “the new sequel to the first Dragon Age game”. There’s a Dragon Age II Chris, I know people didn’t like it but it’s still there. I haven’t seen anything that says it’s no longer canon.

Interview is all generic shit, pointing out things he “noticed”. Hell, the video’s comments even bring this up, one of them laughing at how Chris clearly knows nothing about this series, as he keeps “noticing” things that were there since the first game!
Surprisingly, Bores actually replied to that comment saying:
“It looked cool so I asked for an interview”
Chris… just because you can do an interview, doesn’t mean you should. Here’s a screenshot in case he tries to deny it.



40 second Skylander stupid thing I don’t care…
I really don’t…

June 21st 2014

E3 2014 Gauntlet Reboot Video Game Interview


Here we go…
A few weeks back, my Facebook informant found a post asking Bores what his most anticipated game for E3 was. He replied with “this cool Gauntlet reboot”. Yeaaaaah… Look Chris, if you want to keep your audience, you have to be way more in tune with modern gaming. Nobody believes you’re a retro gamer, and you’re doing an even worse job as a modern one. Just try and put in effort.

The description has him upset that this is only coming to Steam, and he wants it on consoles. Boo hoo, get a gaming PC! … Which you should have since Shaolin Dave has told me that you played Left 4 Dead on Steam, where you acted like a complete scrub, accusing people of cheating. So why do you not talk about PC gaming more often?
Of course, this means that Bores will not be talking about it when it comes out. Just like 95% of the stuff he covers at E3

Just another boring interview… all about enemies, upgrades… usual boring shit.

E3 2014 Gauntlet Reboot Video Game Level 5 Gameplay

Video opens at his house, he goes on about how he’s a big fan of Gauntlet (yeah yeah), and then brings up his complaint that it’s on Steam.
“I’ve never played Steam, I don’t have a reason to be on Steam”  That’s not what I’ve been told!
“I may have to change my ways just to play Gauntlet” Yeah I don’t see that happening.
Rest is gameplay.

June 23rd 2014

Skipped another day

Another damn Skylander video

This one is eight and a half minutes long, talking about the next game. Uggggh. And I still get the feeling there’s more.

And it’s gone now. What? Yeah, I remember this video being there but now it’s gone… maybe I was seeing things?
Or maybe I wasn’t as I looked back and noticed the 14 minute Skylander video I mentioned in the previous post is gone too. What is going on?

E3 2014 - The Voice of Skylanders, KAOS - Richard Horovitz Interview

… Oh, this is going to hurt.
He spelled his name wrong. It’s Horvitz not Horovitz. THIS ISN’T HARD!
I can’t expect much from this interview, it’s less than 2 minutes long.

What’s weird is that he spells his name correctly in the video. What the hell?
First part of the video is Horvitz doing some of his more popular voices. Zim, Billy, Daggett, and Alpha 5. It’s the funniest thing to ever appear in an IG video.
“How did you get into Skylanders?” “I auditioned” Chris Bores: Asking the hard hitting questions!
“Do they ask you to come back every week?” That’s… not how it works Chris. This isn’t a TV show, it’s an annual video game. It’s likely they bring him in once every few months for new dialogue.

Jeez, this was such a lame interview. What else is there?

E3 2014 - After Hours, Empty Expo Hall

… Really? A pointless video where you walk around the empty expo? What is this shit?

“Rounding up the last of my E3 videos” Wait, it’s over? But you barely covered anything!
What about list videos?

*waits until Friday* Nothing? I… I guess that’s how he ended E3. Not with a bang, but a whimper. An empty hall, a perfect analogy for his content in general.
No mention of Smash 4 at all, nothing on Bayonetta 2, No Man’s Sky, Bloodborne, Zelda Wii U. Hell, nothing on the conferences in general.
No best/worst lists either. Then again, we didn’t get them last year so it seemed unlikely we’d get them this year. Maybe he realized he couldn’t keep his promise of looking at every game featured on them… Probably the same reason he stopped doing the movie lists (that and he kept putting shitty movies high on the list).

Including the two Skylander videos he removed, but not including the articles he only posted on his site, Bores posted 42 E3 videos this year. A new record, only inflated by the fact 14 of those videos were Skylanders related! That’s a third of his coverage! And he wonders why he’s losing views and fans… Oh right, he believes his Skylanders videos do better than all his other stuff. Even though they clearly don’t. Hell, half the comments are saying they’re unsubscribing because they’re tired of the constant Skylanders.
Maybe that’s why he believes they’re “outperforming” his other videos, because all he has left is Skylanders fans. Going by the pitiful views though, that seems like a really REALLY small audience.

By the way, he’s blaming YouTube for his “slow output” in the last few months (according to my Facebook informant). Quit blaming YouTube Chris, the one clearly at fault is you. Either that or it’s just a bunch of excuses, especially since he’s been slow for years, not months.

Well, that’s all for now. Who knows what the future holds.

Friday, June 20, 2014

E3 2014 Part 1: This Isn't Toyfair

It’s the most cynical time of the year! That’s right it’s the E3 season! Or it was since by the time this will go up, E3 will be over.
But that doesn’t mean Bores will stop posting E3 coverage!  Now with his site, he can do E3 coverage in one extra place!

Let’s get started.

June 11th 2014

E3 2014 – Metal Gear Solid 5 – Phantom Pain. Preview and Review

First bit of coverage is surprising, a site-only article about MGSV The Phantom Pain. Why would Bores cover this though? He has shown no signs of being a Metal Gear fan.
“I can’t show any footage from this game” He’s not wrong, gameplay was a closed door event.
“The opening scene showed the main hero Snake on a horse and the horse actually took a poop during the gameplay.” Really? That’s the first thing you bring up? This feels like a metaphor…
Also, something bothers me about the way he says “the main hero Snake”. Maybe it’s due to the horrible atrocities you’ll commit in the game?

“You must use your stealth to take them down which means riding sidesaddle, a new feature, and using a new power up which is a box.” …………… ……. …. Are you fucking kidding me? Did you seriously just call the box a “new power up”. Just… wow. Yeah, it’s clear now that Bores has never played a Metal Gear game in his life! The box has been a staple since the fucking beginning! Almost every Metal Gear game has had it, even Revengeance, and that’s not a stealth game! The only game not to have it was Ground Zeroes, and that’s just an expensive demo!
How can you be so ignorant to gaming culture? The box is one of the most parodied aspects of the Metal Gear franchise, along with its weird dialogue. And why are you calling it a power up? It doesn’t power you up, it just makes you harder to spot. I just… ugh.
“Yep a box. It is cooler than it sounds, trust me.” We know that, we actually fucking played Metal Gear games! Unlike you!

Then he brings up some other stuff like tagging animals and people, sending them back to the base, as well as the ability to build the base up. Just like in Peace Walker, but I really doubt Bores would know what that is.

E3 2014 – Gravity Falls Mystery Shack Shows up in Disney Infinity 2 Toybox

The site article and video description are identical, he just says he’s surprised to see the Mystery Shack in the game and asks about playable characters, with the PR guy not knowing the answer.
The video itself is a load of nothing. It’s only 35 seconds long, and just shows the Mystery Shack in the game. Boring.

E3 2014 Maleficent Character in Disney Infinity 2 – Exclusive ingame footage

“We were not supposed to put this crazy gal on the gamepad for the new Disney Infinity Games, but we tempted fate and you can now see her in-game, wooo!” What does this even mean? Who’s “we”? Why weren’t you supposed to put Maleficent on there? What are you even going on about? Why the “wooo”? You make no sense!
The video is more nothing. He shows the figure, and footage of Maleficent in the game.
“We’re breaking all the rules here!” Wow, such rebel, so lameness

E3 2014 Kirby Wii-U – Video game Thoughts Reviews, Stage 1 Beginner level

Unless the first level in the game is literally called “Beginner Level”, then it should be damn obvious that the first stage is the easy one! Also, it’s not a review! Stop calling these E3 demos reviews!
“I dig Kirby games and the newest one for the Wii-U is a different concept.” It’s not that different, it was already done in Kirby: Canvas Curse for the DS, nine years ago. Wait, it’s seriously been nine years since that game came out? Jeez I feel old.
And Chris, the game actually has a title. It’s not Kirby Wii U, it’s Kirby and the Rainbow Curse. It’s not like last time where Return to Dream Land’s title wasn’t revealed with the game. Take some fucking effort and do your job.

Anyway, the video is Chris saying it looks interesting and different and the rest is him playing the game. That’s not a review Chris.
The comments on the video are awful. Saying it looks like a terrible game for stupid reasons. One saying that it should have Sonic the Hedgehog. Damn kids… this is your audience Chris! Are you happy?

June 13th 2014

What happened Thursday Chris?

E3 2014 Kirby Wii-U Stage 2 Water Level - Video game Thoughts, Review,

No, I didn’t make a mistake. Chris seriously ended the title with a comma.

He opens giving his thoughts, saying he kept looking down a lot. Well yeah, it’s a title that relies on the GamePad to even work.
“If I’m playing a Wii game, I want to look at the screen” IT”S NOT A WII GAME! It’s a Wii U game! You really are no better than the confused grandmothers that believe Mario is on Xbox!
And the rest of the video is gameplay. Next!

E3 2014 Kirby Wii-U Stage 3 Tank Level - Video game Thoughts, Review,
Intro, gameplay… nex-
Oh wait, my informant pointed out something funny. Around 2:40, it sounds like the camera man is talking to his mom on his phone. Really Chris, you left that in? It’s not like people were saying anything important. If you were trying to retain the game’s sounds, then it didn’t matter because we can barely hear them.

E3 2014 Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker Wii-U - Level 1 Video game Thoughts, Review, Gameplay

Oh hey, he actually got the full title in.
*reads the description* “Here is an odd little title by Nintendo” It’s not that odd, people actually wanted it since they played Super Mario 3D World last year.
“I got super dizzy playing this title but others might enjoy it more than I did” Oh no, not this again…

Video starts with him saying he didn’t like it because it made him dizzy. Chris, go see a doctor! This is what, the 11th time you said a game made you dizzy? Ever consider that the problem is you and not the games? Even the top comment (at the time) is telling him to see a doctor. When your fans are noticing this, I think it’s time to schedule an appointment.
Rest is of course, gameplay.

June 14th 2014

E3 2014 Mario Maker Wii-U Level Editor Video Game Review, thoughts, gameplay stages

“I just got done playing the new Mario Maker” New? Was there an old Mario Maker? I don’t mean ROM hacks.
This is a problem Chris has. Instead of actually learning game titles or even knowing if a prior game exists, he just calls everything “the new X”.

He says the game is funny, new enemies… “anything you want in a Mario game”. Not quite… I don’t see any power-ups from Super Mario Bros 3, or Super Mario World. Maybe that will be revealed later but right now…
And the rest is gameplay.

EIGHT. FUCKING. SKYLANDERS. VIDEOS!

Just like the New York event from earlier this year, we got a deluge of Skylanders videos. Each one showing a single new toy, because making one long video would be too much work (or he’s doing the DSP thing and making a bunch of small videos for views, gaming the system)
There is now a Skylander called “Broccoli Guy”. … Activision, try harder! Or rather, Toys for Bob, try harder!
Oh and the intro to each one was recorded at his home.

June 15th 2014

E3 2014 LittleBigPlanet 3 (Multi 4 Player) Ps4 Thoughts Review Play through Game play

The video opens with Chris saying the multiplayer is awesome. Bores talking about multiplayer? What sorcery is this?! He mentions there’s different characters with their own abilities (something one could easily gather from the Sony conference) and… the rest is gameplay. My word that is weak.
Also, “multi 4 player”. You don’t need the four in there.

E3 2014 LittleBigPlanet 3 (Single Player) Ps4 Thoughts Review Play through Game play

Second verse, same as the first. Though I get the feeling this video was supposed to go up first since he mentions he’s a “big fan” of the franchise (yeah yeah) and the multiplayer video has a really weird abrupt opening. Plus, the video order on the site is different. *shrugs* But yeah he doesn’t really say anything. Rest is gameplay.

It’d be nice if he actually provided post-commentary on the gameplay, to further explain his thoughts. Of course, that would require effort and actually trying to figure out why a game is good, instead of just vague terms.

What I don’t get is that all the videos posted between the 13th and 15th didn’t get site articles until the 16th. What does Bores have against posting on weekends?

June 16th 2014

E3 2014 DragonBall Z Xenoverse Interview – Sneak Peak Coming 2015

Aw crap, he’s still doing interviews.
By the way, there’s no “Z” in the title. It’s just “Dragon Ball Xenoverse”. Though they might change it for the West like they did with Dragon Ball Kai. We’ll see what happens.

“Hitting for the Next Gen Consoles.” So this game is part of a baseball team called the Next Gen Consoles? It should just be “Hitting the Next Gen Consoles”
Bores asks about visuals, characters, story, the… ability to fight underwater. I am so sick of Dragon Ball games….
Next!

ANOTHER SKYLANDERS VIDEO

I imagine this won’t be the last one from E3 either…

The next two videos are about Hyrule Warriors. However, they were posted out of order so I’ll go by what he intended (makes things less confusing)

E3 2014 Hyrule Warriors Wii-U Nintendo Demo (Link Legend of Zelda Gameplay)

“This is the newest Legend of Zelda beat em up button mashers.” There are others? Can you show me? Why is “button mashers” plural? Does he not know about Dynasty Warriors?
“Looks like the best Zelda game to come out from Nintendo in quite some time” ………………………………......... …. Give me a minute.
*breathes deeply* Do you… have any idea what the Legend of Zelda is? I mean,  you constantly whine that Nintendo isn’t doing a gritty Zelda, or something like God of War. Have you actually played a Zelda game since A Link to the Past? Or did you just play E3 demos and whined that they weren’t what you wanted? When you meant “gritty”, did you really mean “more action, less adventure/puzzles”? No, the real answer is you don’t know what you want. You open your mouth and let all this verbal garbage come out, trying to convince people that you know what you’re talking about. You try to show people you’re “in with it” by saying “Zelda needs to do this and that” when really you don’t know anything.
And yet here we are, with a major Zelda game that strays completely from the adventure formula and isn’t even developed by Nintendo (it’s developed by Koei Tecmo) and you’re all “best game in quite some time!” Chris…shut the fuck up.

Side-note: I am actually interested in this game, but not as a Zelda game, just another fun Warriors/Musou game.

Anyway, the actual video. Unlike the Skylanders swarm and LBP 3 videos, this one is actually at E3 (not sure why he’s being so inconsistent…)  He’s talking into his phone, apparently as a microphone (I’m being told phones do have apps for that). Was GotGame too cheap to afford a mic?
He says the series needed something to take it to the next level and that “this is a step in the right direction”. IT’S NON-CANON! It’s a spin-off! Watch, Chris is going to get all pissy when the actual Wii U Zelda shows gameplay and it’s similar to all the other Zelda games.
Rest is gameplay.

E3 2014 Hyrule Warriors Wii-U Nintendo Demo (Princess Legend of Zelda Gameplay)


… Princess Legend of Zelda. Princess. Legend. Of. Zelda.
Well, there’s more proof that Chris knows absolutely nothing about this series. He seems to think Zelda is a last name, and her first name is “Legend”.
Seriously, why would you write it like that? It’s clear that he just took the Link title and replaced his name with Princess, not realizing it looks fucking stupid. Does he care? Does he care at all? Is effort dead?

The video has Chris in a completely different location now. Strange…
“You can also play as the Princess” You do know she has a name right? Her name is in the title. You know I just realized, Chris has never actually said “Princess Peach” or “Princess Toadstool” in any of his videos. He just calls her “the Princess”. Why not use their names?
Sorry, the stupidity of all this is hurting my brain.
Rest is gameplay.

June 17th 2014

A Skylanders interview

Pfffffft whatever.
My informant did watch the video. Same bullshit as before. “Will the new characters have new powers?”. Chris Bores: Getting the hard-hitting answers!
For some reason he asks the PR guy what his favorite Skylander is. Why do you care? Do you think the people at home care? As far as they know, he’s just a guy that works for Activision to give interviews. Nobody cares!

By the way, on the day this was posted, I heard news that Activision will be licensing out Skylanders to other products like comic books, coloring books and… cereal. Look forward to several videos of Bores trying all out this crap. The cereal one will be the most detailed.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom Sega Wii-U Level 1 Thoughts and Gameplay

Oh goody, this piece of shit. It looks like a low-grade PS2 game!
However, Chris decides to go against the flow and say the game looks “great”, and that it’s a refreshing take on Sonic. … Did he just completely forget about his Sonic Unleashed review? Sonic Boom is fairly similar to Unleashed’s Werehog levels. Platforming, bashing bad guys… and yet Bores says this is okay? I mean, Unleashed was blah but it looks like fucking S3&K compared to Sonic Boom.
Rest is gameplay.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom Sega Wii-U Level 2 Boss Battle Thoughts and Gameplay

Bores says the boss got really tough. Okay…
I saw a video showcasing the game, and amongst the endless fucking chatter, there were three boss fights. All of them were the same (grab small enemies and throw them at the boss). Real creative guys.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom Sega Wii-U Level 3 Classic Racing Thoughts and Gameplay

He says it’s like classic Sonic and blah blah blah.
Chris, you are like the only person to say this game looks great. Everyone that’s seen videos or even played it just didn’t like it at all. The framerate is dreadful, the camera is beyond janky, people have experienced a surprising amount of glitches (moreso than most E3 demos). Is this going to be like Kinect Star Wars all over again?
Even chuggaaconroy, as positive as he is, said he didn’t enjoy playing this.

E3 2014 Sonic Boom (sonic the hedgehog) Wii-U Interview

Gee, thanks for clarifying it was Sonic the Hedgehog. Otherwise, I would have thought it was a game about the fast food restaurant.

Okay, I don’t think this PR guy knows what he’s talking about. He says they’re taking Sonic back to his “action-adventure roots” and that the past few games have been “action platformers with a focus on speed”. Uh… what? Those are almost all the Sonic games. The early ones were platformers with a focus on speed.
Yeah, that’s enough of that…

14 minute Skylander blah blah blah!

Ugggggggggh.

June 18th 2014

Sonic Boom - Sega - Detailed Look at Action Figure Line, Fall 2014

This is another E3 thing that was only posted at his site, and it just shows the Sonic Boom toyline. Yeah, it’s pretty clear what Sega is trying here… the game reeks of all the licensed game trappings of the past 15 years.

E3 2014 Disney Infinity 2.0 Marvel Battle Pack Sets Interview First Look

I find it strange that you’re so interested in Disney Infinity now since on your site you kept mocking it like “Does anyone even play it?”. Oh right, Marvel characters are in it… that means it’s awesome now. Or something…. I’m surprised there hasn’t been a video about Amiibo yet.

Wait a second, he has an actual microphone now? Then what was up with the videos where he was using his phone? Did GotGame finally spend some extra money to get him one?
Boring interview is boring…

E3 2014 Alien Isolation Video Game SEGA Interview

Another boring interview. I’m sure the game will be fine but I can find better info…
UPDATE: My informant pointed out something I missed.
The PR guys says the action takes place on a space station. Right after that, Bores asks if they'll explore a spaceship or something. The PR guy repeats the answer he gave before. My God, he's still unable to listen to the interviewee. It's been what, 5 years since that GI Joe interview?
His phrasing of the question is bizarre too. "Is the game playable on ships?" ... Uh sure? I guess if you bring your PS4/Xbone onto a ship, then you can play it.

E3 2014 Disney Infinity 2.0 Marvel Toy Box New Features Interview First Look

It still stuns me how word salad-y these titles are.

*reads description* “The girl from Brave” Her name is Merida. You could have taken 5 seconds to look this up.
Another interview, I don’t care.

June 19th 2014

E3 2014 LEGO Batman 3 - WB Interview First Look

And back to the phone… What is going on with the mics?
Boring interview… moving on.

E3 2014 LEGO Batman 3 - WB First Space Level Demo Review, Gameplay

And now he has a mic again. You know, we can tell the difference in audio quality between his shitty phone app, and an actual microphone. Why is he using both?

Blah blah follow-up blah blah new characters blah blah rest is gameplay.

E3 2014 Fantasia Music Evolved Disney Kinect Interview

Does anyone else even care for this game? I mean, I care for the company Harmonix, but I have no interest in this game. Having heard about the layoffs and corporate restructuring, the dream of a new Rock Band is dead.

Seriously? The PR guy is holding and eating an ice cream cone. You’re on camera doing an interview, show a little decency! I know it’s Bores, I know it’s for a site nobody knows or cares for, but that’s not an excuse to be unprofessional.
I don’t care about this game, I don’t care about this interview.

June 20th 2014

E3 2014 Magic the Gathering 2015 - Duels of the Planeswalkers Video Game Interview

Aw crap, another MtG video. I’ll go ask my informants if there’s anything worth mentioning.

Right off the bat he calls it “the new version of Magic the Gathering 15”. How is it new? Shouldn’t it be the “new version of Duels of the Planeswalkers”? Makes no sense…
The PR guy mentions that “deck building is incredibly important to us”, which is bizarre as the previous games didn’t have that.
Apparently, most MtG players don’t even play this version. They play MTG Online or third-party programs. Makes me wonder why Bores even brings it up every E3.

And with that, I believe it is time to post this. I apologize that it’s so long, there was way more content and bullshit than I expected.
See you all next Friday for the continuation.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

E3 Coverage Has Already Begun

Well here's a surprise. I wake up and find out that Bores is actually releasing E3 coverage in a timely fashion.

Like last year, I'll be doing weekly articles posted on Friday. This will cover both the videos and his site (he has stuff posted there that isn't on YouTube).
I'll just say that from what I've watched and read... it's going to hurt. A lot.

UPDATE: Change of plans. Seeing how Bores decided not to post anything on Thursday or Friday, the first E3 post will be posted next week. Makes me wonder what was up with Wednesday.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Storyline Analysis: This is a Terrible, Nonsensical Movie

Hard to believe it’s been over a month since IG finally ended the painfully stupid story arc of his, or his “movie” Though it’s not that hard to believe that he would rush out a DVD 10 days afterwards (he does have a habit of doing that).

However, thanks to Shawn from TotalActionAdventure, we could see what this “movie” consists of. http://www.totalactionadventure.com/content/are-they-worth-it-dvds-internet-19-irate-gamer-volume-4

*reads through list* Hmm, this is quite a mess of a movie.
And so with this knowledge, here’s my look through the Irate Gamer “movie”, and why it doesn’t work as one. Or “Rise of Red”. Seriously, why is it called that?

Part 1: Cool Spot
The story begins by introducing our villain, the Shadow Overlord, and the reveal that the Evil Gamer had been working for him all along (or something). An artifact is mentioned that could release him from this prison (hmmm), and they realize that the Irate Gamer is a threat to them (somehow). Evil Gamer mentions his “trolls” have been useless (yeah yeah, this has been discussed to death…) and then they discuss their plan of stealing IG’s “spehcul” Magnavox Odyssey.
Throughout the episode we get “shenanigans” as Evil Gamer tries to steal the Odyssey, random appearances from Mortal Kombat villain Goro (who is apparently IG’s neighbor for some reason… randomness probably) and after tricking him into a free Xbox, Evil Gamer is successful. We also meet Wilson, oh I’m sorry, “Wilkins”. See, Bores is under the belief that by changing his name, he made him an original character. It’s the same logic Sonic fans use on deviantArt. If this is an attempt at avoiding copyright infringement, it doesn’t really work when you have the Kool-Aid Man show up later in the episode (and as a recurring character throughout… just saying)
Evil Gamer returns to base and extracts the HAL 9000 from the Odyssey and into a robot body. This only questions if History of Video Games is a part of the main series or not, and how did IG get the Odyssey back in one of the later HoVG videos, and does this only count the original version or the George Lucas Remastered version? See, this is what happens when Bores doesn’t think.
Also, IG gets a bunch of 7-Up games for sending in the final screen of Cool Spot to them. He makes it sound like this will go somewhere, but it doesn’t. (According to Shawn, the documentary says he only made this episode because of that joke… I really wish Bores would stop doing that)

Part 2: Robocop
And so we see the other part of Evil Gamers’ plan, make a robot army similar to the HAL-bot, only instead of red eyes, they all have purple eyes. And the lead HAL-bot is called Red for some reason.
Following that, we meet Tony and Wise Sage. Tony reveals he’s a psychopath that beats people up for petty reasons, and Wise Sage is literally the only other actor in this entire fucking “movie” (which says a lot about Bores’ ego and lack of friends). Chris attempts to set up character by revealing they went to high school together, but it doesn’t really mean anything.
Then out of nowhere, R.O.B. the robot appears. Tony reveals he rebuilt and reprogrammed it for… reasons. Despite shooting at IG and Wise Sage, R.O.B. reveals he really is good when an ED-209 also appears out of nowhere to attack IG (there’s a lot of random appearances isn’t there).
Then after the review, the HAL-bots invade the city of… city, and it’s up to IG to stop them! Or rather he just sends R.O.B. to take care of it while he sits on his ass to play more RoboCop games.

Part 3: RoboCop Part 2
As IG plays more terrible RoboCop games, R.O.B. easily disposes of the HAL-bots. Only one laser blast kills them, and they put up zero resistance. There is zero tension or reason to care about this.
Also, Cousin Joey appears. He is pointless to all of this, but Bores claims he’s one of his important characters… I don’t even know.
And with the army taken out, R.O.B. returns home. Evil Gamer tries to order him to return, but it refuses and shoots him (but doesn‘t kill him. It can kill a HAL-bot in one shot, but it only singes Evil Gamer like a cartoon). One would think this would set up a possible betrayal, or Evil Gamer forcefully kidnaps R.O.B. for his own use. But no, this shit goes nowhere.

Part 4: Masters of the Universe
The episode opens with IG getting visited by a monk, who delivers him a sword (the Sword of Inferno). This sword somehow inspires IG to play Masters of the Universe games. There is zero mention of the robot army from last time.
Half-way through, IG holds the sword like Prince Adam, somehow knows the magic words, and “powers up”, which somehow makes him better at video games. He also somehow turns R.O.B. into “Battle Bot” (like Battle Cat but no changes at all). None of this matters.
Then the monk returns to his master, the Sage Elder (who we don’t learn the name of until the penultimate episode, yeah great storytelling) who says IG is the chosen one and the only one to defeat the Shadow Overlord. Yaaaay clichés!
Oh and Ronnie shows up in IG’s room for the first time. He appeared in Part 2 but as part of a *sighs* TV show. So… yeah.

Part 5: Silver Surfer
The episode opens on a news report with Kent Brockman (because I refuse to use his actual character name) talking about the robot invasion from two episodes (why it wasn’t addressed last time I don’t know… this movie is all over the place so far). The news report doesn’t really accomplish anything other than Evil Gamer threatening the world and nobody calling the police on them.
The episode also reintroduces the Genie, now played by Bores because he was too lazy to get Brad Harp to reprise the role (he claims he moved away, but knowing how long Bores takes to make videos, he could have easily called him and asked to do a weekend of shooting, making me wonder if they had a falling out)
As IG reaches the final boss of the game (thanks to cheating!), he gets a warning about the Pixel Demon. This scares everyone in his vicinity away, then the monk from last time shows up out of nowhere (again, random appearances) and tells him that the Pixel Demon was a horrifying creature that was locked away in a game that’s impossible to beat (even though people have beaten Silver Surfer before… just saying). So the monk tells him to use the Power of Inferno to, wait, wasn’t it the Sword of Inferno? Turns out the sword is just a small part of his power, as the Power of Inferno can do anything! Like create surfboards out of thin air! This leads to a sequence where IG goes into the game to face the Pixel Demon (according to the documentary, this is the real reason he didn’t do the Silver Surfer review years ago like he promised, though I’m pretty sure that’s a lie). What does the Pixel Demon do? What horrifying powers does it contain that forced it to be locked away in a video game? He stands there… does nothing… while IG throws a Bob-omb at it… Laaaaaaaaaame.
But then it’s shown that the Pixel Demon is still alive when it escapes from the TV. Does this lead up to anything? NOPE!
Side-note: According to Shawn, one of the deleted scenes on the DVD is an alternate take of the “Mega Man shaking his fist at the game” joke. This one has IG tell him “shake harder, boy!” Copying the ending to The Simpsons episode “Lemon of Troy”. … Yeaaaah.

Part 6: X-Men
Despite 5 months between videos, IG claims he’s on a “comic book kick” and looks at X-Men for the NES. During this, the X-Men from the game show up in his room (all played by Bores). Cyclops, Wolverine, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Iceman and Storm.
However, the X-Men aren’t here to help, but rather to make IG look ultra-powerful. When he swats Wolverine away for objecting to being made fun of, the other X-Men crap their pants and start working as his slaves. I am not kidding, when he asks for water, they give him water. Later on he kills Cyclops and Iceman for petty reasons. Our hero everyone!
After that complete botching of great comic book characters, we go to the villain base where we see them making a giant HAL-bot. So we’re back to robots now…

Parts 7, 8, and 9: Die Hard, G.I. Joe, and Star Trek.
Nothing of plot importance happens in these three videos. However, Bores included them on the DVD, thus they’re technically part of his “movie”. According to Shawn, on the documentary he said that these episodes served as a test for his “Power of Inferno”. Did Bores even watch these episodes? The only thing that relates to the story arc is the appearance of R.O.B. There’s no “Power of Inferno”, there’s no Shadow Overlord or Evil Gamer, there’s nothing to remind people that the story is still going. Hell, for a while, people thought he gave up on it.

Part 10: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers SNES
After a year (that’s how long it took between this and the X-Men review), the giant HAL-bot is released. It takes the entire episode to get to the city of… city.
While IG plays MMPR on SNES, his “friends” interrupt him. For… reasons.
Then the giant HAL-bot reaches the city, the monk appears and takes IG to “see his friends.
Oh and the X-Men reappear (somehow alive) only to get crushed and killed by the giant HAL-bot. … yeah…

Part 11: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Genesis
The monk has taken IG to the command center from Power Rangers, where the Sage Elder serves as Zordon. IG’s friends in question are Wise Sage, Tony, Not-Wilson, and Ronnie. Oh there was also a running gag through out the videos where Not-Wilson keeps getting hit with game cartridges. I didn’t mention it before because it wasn’t important but it does addressed here… and means nothing as IG continues to be a jerk.

So in order to stop the giant robot, they need to power the Zords from Power Rangers through IG getting angry at a game (……….). They succeed and begin the fight using stock footage from Power Rangers. Not original, the actual fight footage from Power Rangers. Once again, I don’t think this is satire on Saban re-using Sentai footage, but Bores really is that lazy.
The giant robot proves to be too much and they’re about to lose.

Part 12: Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Sega CD
But the Genie shows up again and distracts the giant HAL-bot, that way IG can play another game to power up the Megazord.
And he succeeds, they power up the Megazord and kill the giant HAL-bot, a bunch of various Bores in costumes (and a few cameos) cheer for him and that’s pretty much it. Oh and the remains of the Giant HAL-bot crush the Shadow Overlord. …

Hooooo boy. Where do I begin?
First off, this movie does not follow a proper three-act structure. Hell, the robot army alone would be the climax of a film. But no, it’s just “the beginning”.
The plot is all over the place. It starts up with the robots, ends, then moves on to Pixel Demon, that ends, and finally the giant robot. During all this, IG has no idea the Shadow Overlord even exists. Hell, IG never actually meets the villain. For all he knows, it’s all the work of Evil Gamer. Plus, the Pixel Demon interruption was pointless. Especially when the other villains were still around.
And then you have a good 25 minutes where the plot doesn't move at all. If this really were a movie, you'd get single digits on the Rotten Tomatoes.

Notice how I mentioned the artifact in Part 1. That artifact never gets mentioned again. It was clearly set up that the Shadow Overlord was going to be released, but it never happened. Characters show up out of nowhere and disappear just as fast. The movie’s genre is all over the place. What is it? Science-fiction? Fantasy? Action? What the hell are you?

IG himself is an unlikable shithead, at no point do we want to root for him. Whether he’s yelling at his friends or killing people, one might find themselves rooting for the villains!
And then there’s the Power of Inferno. What are the rules? Powers need rules, otherwise your characters would be boring. What are the limits, the weaknesses, what can defeat it? We don’t get any of these answers. From what it sounds like, the Power of Inferno can do anything.
At first, it looked like it can only be accessed through the sword, much like He-Man. Fine. But then in Silver Surfer he didn’t use the sword at all, and still managed to summon a surfboard. Then in X-Men, he could access it and shoot fireballs, without the sword. Hell, the sword doesn’t even show up again until the finale (and it’s really just the Power Sword from Power Rangers, much like all the other stock footage in that episode). So really, the Power of Inferno just sounds like a lazy excuse to give IG powers without any rhyme or reason.

Going by the documentary he posted on YouTube (which is just a small part of the 20 minute one on the DVD), his intention was to end with the Power Rangers Megazord fight. That was his only plan. It’s clear that everything before that was made up on the spot. And by god does it show.
Despite going for a creative writing degree in college (if his old page on The Dark Chapters is anything to go by), Chris is a terrible writer. His story is loaded with clichés, his characters are either flat or Marty Stus (well, just him really) and he seems to care more for stuffing in special effects than actually telling a story.
He would constantly call it “episodic”, but that’s not what that means. An on-going story is normally referred to as “serialized”, an episodic show is one that can tell a story in one episode (like most crime dramas out there). He often cited Lost, True Blood, Game of Thrones and Dexter as inspirations. He didn’t seem to understand what made these shows work though. They had intrigue, tension, and a cast of MORE THAN TWO PEOPLE! Seriously, the fact Bores plays 99% of the cast is horribly distracting. He tries to justify it by saying it’s “part of the charm”, but there is nothing charming about seeing 6 versions of yourself as the X-Men.

I do wonder if calling this his “movie” was always his intention. Maybe he heard that James Rolfe was making a movie, and when people kept asking if he would do one too, he would say that “Season 4 is my movie” in a sad attempt to appease the fans.
And yet, he would make a different “movie”, Pursuit of the Paranormal. So it seems he cares more for bullshit ghost hunting than he does for the show that actually gave him fans. In the end, Chris Bores will never be a film director, and he should never try to tell a story again. He may have a handful of fans that slobber all of that crap, but people over the age of 11 can see it for what it really is. Garbage.

By the way, has anyone been able to figure out how many story arcs Linkara was able to tell in the time it took Bores just to do this one? Basically, everything from October 2010 to April 2014.