Thursday, June 3, 2010

Redux Recap: The Konami Code and Spread Gun Won't Save This Review

I put this off long enough, but I’m done stalling. Let’s recap IG’s Contra review.

I don’t have to tell you that Contra is a classic. Only way someone could hate this game is if they have zero hand-eye coordination or the intelligence of a worm.

Let’s begin.

0:20 - 0:26: The video starts with the Contra start-up screen, only Bill & Lance have been replaced by IG and Wise Sage. Wow… weak.

0:27 - 0:39: Bores starts talking about Contra being popular on the NES, how the gameplay was groundbreaking, and that the reason it was popular was the ability to play 2-players simultaneously.
It seems like Bores can’t figure why a game was popular. He claims Super Mario Bros. was popular because they packaged it with the NES, he says TMNT Arcade was popular because of the multi-player, and now he says Contra is popular because of the co-op. Didn’t he ever consider that these games were just fun?

0:40 - 0:58: Then Bores starts drooling over the various guns. Before I point out what’s wrong, I want to mention that this is a strange place to talk about this.
A review needs structure so that it flows without constant whiplash. This is something you explain when talking about the overall gameplay, not something you place in the introduction. However, I have an idea why he placed it here and I’ll tell you when I get there.

He starts to list off the weapons “Machine Guns, Laser Guns, spray guns” ahem, I believe that’s called the Spread Gun (often nicknamed the Spreader) not the spray gun. “Guns I don’t know the name of…” then look up the name, it’s called the Fire Gun (sometimes the Flamethrower).

Now you’ll see why he talked about the guns, just so he could do a pointless joke where he’s firing the Contra Machine Gun at nothing while yelling “Take that you bitches!” What does this have to do with anything? SPECIAL EFFECTS WOOOOOOO!
He concludes this bit telling us there’s a lot of enemies and is glad you’re allowed to upgrade your weapon. Well, considering how you play you’ll always be stuck with the Rifle.

0:59 - 1:03: “Even though this game is awesome, it still had it’s share of flawls” Ohhh boy, here we go folks.
Translation: “I’m going to nitpick unimportant aspects of this game in hopes that stupid 10 year old kids will buy my t-shirts. Who cares about gameplay or visuals, when I can whine about the lack of story and the difficulty.”
Flawls… who talks like that?

1:03 - 1:06: “First off, where’s the backstory to this game?
… WHAT?

1:06 - 1:15: IG notes that we’re dropped on an island fighting off bad guys. He asks “why am I fighting here, is there a specific reason for this?” Hey wise guy, check out the instruction manual for the story.
It’s an 8-Bit game, most of those stories were just “Bad guy has kidnapped princess/girlfriend/companion, go save her” or “Bad guy wants to take over the world, go stop him.” Were you expecting Isaac Asimov levels of writing? Of course, that would be too difficult for you.

1:16 - 1:26: “I guess there could be answer in the instruction manual, but to hell with that. Whoever reads those things anyway?” *record scratch*
So you want to find out the story of the game, yet you refuse to read the manual the ONLY source for this info (in 1988). What the hell is your problem?
And to answer you question, a lot of people read the manuals. People that want to know how to play the game or figure why you’re playing.

To further his point, we cut to him holding a bunch of manuals exclaiming “I can’t waste my time reading about a game, I just gotta play it!” and on cue he throws them into the air. My snark-senses are telling me this scene come back and bite him.

1:26 - 1:31: “Now, judging by the title of this game. I think it’s pretty obvious what your mission objective will be.” No it isn’t, it’s not obvious at all. Does he think this game has us fighting Nicaraguan rebels? Not in the Reagan years.

1:32 - 2:13: “But I do wonder what transpired before this game even began?” I would say read the manual, but realize he said that just to set-up this pointless sketch.

We cut to the Pentagon (rather, a picture of it) as a robe-less Eric Allen is looking bored while pretending to type. Suddenly an obviously fake radar let’s off a few blips and Eric looks off to the side informing his superior that there’s trouble. We see his CO is Bores in a very fake mustache… I’ve got nothing.

Somehow those random blips were able to tell Eric that an island in the Pacific has been taken over by terrorists, must be a magic radar. Then, one of Bores’ finest acting moments “Good GOD! Wake the president!” Wow, you’re making the delivery in Werewolf look natural.
So yeah, this “cliché terrorist plot” Bores made-up is what he thinks is the story to Contra. It sounds like the plot of a feature-length Contra movie directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak.

We cut back to IG telling us “the 8-bit translation would look something like this.” This time we see a hand-drawn Pentagon (yeah, I’m sure an 8-Bit rendition of the Pentagon would look like something out of MS Paint) as 8-Bit versions of his characters go over the same situation. Midway through, Bores stops because “it’s too painful to watch”.

*sighs* Where do I even begin?
You refuse to read the instruction manual for no reason other than “I just gotta play it!” and then you pad out the video with this absolutely pointless sketch that accomplishes nothing. This sketch didn’t need to exist.
And somehow you think your little fanfic is the real story to Contra. Will you just deflate your damn ego?
Then you decide to show the 8-bit rendition but stop midway because “it’s too painful” making this even more unnecessary. Why? Why did you make this sketch?
And what was that “Hmm I wonder” look at the beginning? Was this an attempt at a Scrubs-style cutaway? Here’s the thing Chris; when Scrubs did it, it was funny. When you do it, it’s shockingly painful.
Seriously, you refuse to learn the story of Contra and then you make up this bullshit for some reason that not even a deity can comprehend. *sighs* Moving on.

Fun Fact: In the Japanese version of Contra, the game has an in-game backstory with cutscenes between levels (along with a map). This is thanks to a custom Famicom chip Konami was using. Maybe Bores would have preferred the Japanese version.
Thanks to vnisanian2001 for reminding me of this.

2:14 - 2:31: “Now it’s pretty obvious the military…” Yeah yeah yeah.
“But whose bright idea was it to send in only two soldiers against a shitload of rogue terrorists.” See what I mean, he believes his contrived story.
Those two soldiers are meant to be Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone, the two biggest action movie stars at the time.

To top off this stupidity he asks “Who’s commanding this operation, Gomer Pyle? Well golllllly.” That impression was heinous.

2:32 - 3:17: “There’s a lot of enemies in this game…” No shit.
Bores remarks on the amount of enemies, and points out that you can get help. Wait, what help?
Oh, he means the gun upgrades. Why are you talking about this again? You already mentioned the weapons earlier in the review so why are you bringing this up? This is what I meant by poor structure, he revisited an aspect of the game that he brought up two minutes ago. Either it’s a case of “viewers are goldfish” or Bores is a terrible director.

“These upgrades turn out to be very useful…” No shit.
He claims one gun is useless and doesn’t work, the Laser Gun. He says that if you keep firing it only goes a few feet ahead of you. Here’s a thought, have you tried letting go of the B button? See what happens there.

IG tells us “avoid it like the fucking plague” (Hey Chris, a Mr. Armake21 called. He wants his catchphrase back) because touching it means we’re as good as dead. Jacob9k1 showed off a few stages of Super C using only the laser, and he defeated the stage 2 boss in a few seconds. There exist “laser-only” runs on YouTube. It may not have the efficiency of the Spreader, but it’s far from worthless.
By the way, who’s the second player? Right now, IG isn’t playing with anyone so is there a ghost in there?

To further insult us, IG does another pointless bit where the Laser upgrade appears in his room, he touches it and “dies”. You know what would make this scene funny? The upgrade drops down and says “Nice try, I’m not falling for that” or better yet NOT DO IT AT ALL!

3:18 - 3:43: IG notes that the game can be fun, but be prepared to give our thumb a real work-out since every gun in the game (except the Machine Gun) requires pressing the B button repeatedly to shoot. To this I say “So?” It’s not a big deal since most enemies go down in one hit and if you have the Spreader it makes things a lot easier.

But who cares about facts when we can have pointless special effects? His comment ensues a scene where he mashes his NES controller (it doesn’t look like he’s actually playing) until it “blows up”. IG then declares he needs a turbo controller. You wimp.
I should mention that he’s never seen playing a turbo controller in the entire video. So this scene was entirely, that’s right, pointless.

3:44 - 4:01: Bores complains about the difficulty. How we only get three lives and three continues, and how we have to start at the beginning if we choose to continue. Oh boo-hoo, how dare they actually give us a chance.
Contra isn’t that hard. It’s not a walk in the park, but it’s not “crazy-hard” like Battletoads, Bionic Commando, or the Ghouls N Ghosts series. It doesn’t deserve to be on GameTrailer’s Top 10 Most Difficult Games, there’s much harder out there.

4:02 - 4:25: I hope you like Winter Games action and constipated expressions because we have another montage! IG tries to play through Level 2 but he sucks so much that he doesn’t complete it. Yeah, he’s that bad.
He throws his controller and whines that this game is too hard.

I think it’s time for a lesson in “Fake Difficulty vs. Real Difficulty”.
Real difficulty is the game’s initial difficulty level, and can be completed with enough skill and practice. Contra is a great example of this, with smooth controls and easy gameplay. With real difficulty, if you die then it’s all your fault.
Fake difficulty is when bad design choices make the game unplayable. If you die, you can actually blame it on the game’s shoddy programming. Games like Dragon’s Lair (NES), and The Wizard of Oz (SNES) are prime examples of hard for all the wrong reasons.

4:26 - 4:49: IG declares that he gives up. Good, review over. See you guys la-
“Use the code Luke” Oh come on!
Yes, if this video hasn‘t insulted your intelligence enough, a guy dressed as Obi-Wan Kenobi appears and tells Bores to use the code. Introducing the sixth character in Irate Gamers’ repertoire of cliché bullshit, the Wise Sage. Great name huh?
However, people like the Wise Sage. He’s played by a different person, and he’s a much better actor than Bores. Plus, I think Mr. Eric Allen knows how bad these videos are. I once contacted him with reasons I hate IG (he asked for them), and he responded with something about criticism (I don’t have the messages anymore) but he never gave a clear answer on his actual opinion of the Irate Gamer.

Oh right the video. Wise Sage tells him to use the code while calling him Luke, Bores thanks him and tells him he’s not Luke. Then for no reason Sage leaves, prompting one of Bores’ “laugh-now stares”. Maybe Sage is looking for lukestarkiller441?

4:50 - 5:26: “So what is this code you ask?” Playing us for fools now, this is crap.
Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.
IG says that “the developers of the game” (you mean Konami?) included a code to give us 30 lives. He also says “this code is infamous by most old-school gamers out there” *sighs* I believe the word you’re looking for is “famous”. Infamous means something that’s remembered for being bad, like Deadly Towers or Rise of the Robots. Giving a person 30 lives isn’t a bad thing.

So he does an “epic” code entry. How do I know it’s epic? He has music playing over it. Again Bores; just because you put dramatic music over something, doesn’t mean it’s epic.
He enters the code and does a pose & face that looks less like “triumph” and more like “I went to the potty all by myself”.
Bores notices nothing is happening and realizes he needs to be on the title screen for it to work. Moron.

5:28 - 5:43: IG tells us it’s a good idea to get a second player to help out. He decides to ask one of his friends if they want to play. We cut to stock images of empty hallways and offices with crickets chirping. Bores realizes he should get some friends first.
I don’t get this scene, was this an attempt at self-deprecation humor? That’s not how it works. Watch Rodney Dangerfield stand-up to see how it’s done.

5:44 - 5:58: Oh but that doesn’t matter since the Wise Sage shows up. This makes me wonder if that last scene had any point, the Sage could have just showed up without Bores subjecting us to that unfunny bit of self-loathing. Sage agrees and does a lame “badass hood removal” showing that he’s wearing sunglasses.

5:59 - 6:13: IG remarks that one of the coolest features is playing the game with 2 pla… YOU ALREADY SAID THIS! Something tells me he shoots like 4 versions of each scene, and the scenes at the beginning were leftovers that he forgot to remove.
He also remarks that having a second player can help clear out the “board of enemies” (seriously what?) and make things go much faster. Well that is true, you can also make it a race to see who is the better player. That’s the case with a lot of co-op games.
Then he says you can kill the bosses a lot faster, yeah we’re getting into boring now.

6:14 - 6:33: IG notes there’s only one drawback to having a second player, and yes he actually pronounces drawback correctly.
This drawback is that you die if you fall to the bottom… great I’m getting Goonies II flashbacks. This “flaw” is also in a 1-player game, it’s how the level was programmed. Of course, you sucked so bad you couldn’t reach the third level to learn this.

We then cut to Bores and Sage playing the game. This is one of the scenes that confirms Eric is a much better actor than Bores. Look at his hands, it looks like he’s actually playing the game. Bores is just doing the same Winter Games bullcrap he’s always been doing.
IG dies from a pit and yells at Sage, who promptly tells him to shut up. See, that’s how an actual gamer would act. Something went very wrong here…
There’s also a plot hole here that I just noticed. In the wide-shot, Sage has his sunglasses on, but in the close-up his sunglasses are gone. Strange.

6:34 - 7:15: Bores praises the stage bosses calling them unique and “in-neresting” (note that one of the bosses he shows is the one from Level 6).
Before I cover the immense stupidity of this scene, I want to point out that Sage dies but when he comes back his life count doesn’t go down. They can’t even get past level 3 without relying on Game Genie, good fuckity god.

And now, onto the stupidity.
IG wonders what boss they’ll get at the end of Level 3. When the boss reveals itself, “dramatic” music starts playing and the two guys give off an expression of dull surprise.
Then… “Now wait just a fucking minute here! There are aliens in this game?” Facepalm at the ready. “What the shit? I thought I was fighting a terrorist war, now I’m fighting an alien war?” Initiate facepalm *POW*
Are you serious? Somehow the existence of aliens in this game shocks you. This wasn’t a big twist, the manual flat-out tells you aliens have invaded. Oh that’s right, you didn’t read the manual because “I just gotta play it!”
“Boy, I’ve been seriously misled” Nothing misled you! You can’t even file this under “Rule of Funny” because there’s nothing funny about this. It makes you sound like an illiterate moron.
He notices that if he looked at the cover art he should have seen the big alien head. *sighs* You know, this shows that he never played Contra before. If he did, he never got past the third level until now, and that is fucking pathetic.

7:16 - 7:26: IG telling us this game doesn’t get boring or repetitive. I wish I could say the same for your videos.

7:27 - 7:42: The two of them reach the final level (we’re almost done). Bores points out how the mini-boss looks similar to the creature from Alien, and thinks it’s probably a coincidence. No, that was the intention. Konami got a lot of ideas from Hollywood movies for Contra, and that’s why Americans love the game. That and it’s MANLY! TESTOSTERONE TO THE EXTREME! HEAVY METAL!

7:43 - 7:58: He says the worst thing about Level 8 are “the cotton ball things” because they chase you around. Hey dingus, hit the mouths. That will stop them from respawning. “It doesn’t matter if you kill one, because five more will be right behind you.” That looks more like two than five.

7:59 - 8:13: The two of them reach the final boss (Red Falcon), and Bores whines about the lack of creativity. *thud* There’s the loud thud of irony again. He says he’s easy to kill and you’ll win in no time. Yeah…

So the video ends with Bores getting ecstatic over the ending (there’s a surprise) because we saved the universe. He then sets up for the next episode (uggggh) and follows that with a lame 24 parody involving the Mustache Bores and Wise Sage.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH FUCK THIS REVIEW! I mean wow, he bashed Contra for all the wrong reasons. He has no fucking idea what he’s talking about. Plus, this just showcases how bad he is at games. And no, using Game Genie isn’t “playing bad on purpose” that means you’re terrible at the game.

This was also the video that initiated TheArchfiend’s many tirades against the Irate Hack, since Arch noticed that he was allowing comments on this video and that most of them were negative.
The sad thing is, I still have two more Contra videos. Yeah, next redux recap is Super C and that review is just as bad; maybe even worse.

Before I go, I want to mention that Bores promised a new “I Rate the 80s” or as I like to call it “Breakfast Rant 2.0” in his last video (the trailer for that wretched Neo review). Exactly how long does it take to talk about food? I don’t know, and really I don’t care.

83 comments:

  1. Daniel, you forgot to mention that the Japanese famicom version actually gave the player backstory, among other additional features such as cutscenes and a map, due to the custom Famicom chip that Konami used at the time.

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  2. @vnisanian2001
    I actually had that in the back of my mind. However, I forgot it because watching IG videos saps energy so I tend to forget to add things.

    I'll add this now.

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  3. "Infamous means something that’s remembered for being bad, like Deadly Towers or Rise of the Robots. Giving a person 30 lives isn’t a bad thing."

    Unless you're a hardcore gamer. Oh wait, IG we're talking about here. My bad.

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  4. And a few more things I wanna bring up:

    1) Back in the 80's, Konami of America would often throw out the Japanese storyline, and make one up for Western gamers. So if you go by the American manual for the game, it takes place in the present in South America. But the game actually took place in the year 2633.

    2) Like I said before, it's a good thing Irate Gamer didn't bring up the fact that both "Contra" and "Super Contra" were originally arcade games. Cause if he did, this review would have been just like the TMNT II part of his TMNT review.

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  5. "Exactly how long does it take to talk about food?"

    Either he put himself in a Food/Turkey Coma while eating, or he watches his own videos and fell asleep.

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  6. Ah yes, the famous "who the hell reads the manual" bit. I've got nothing against people who want to just dive right into the game, but it's there to answer your questions about how to play it. Don't act like it's there to piss you off, Bores. Despite what you may think, the videogame industry is a business and they want people to enjoy the games so you'll buy more.

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  7. The Contra review... now, that was one of the biggest pieces of shit the Irate Crapper has done. And one of the reasons why I don't like him at all. At least he hasn't done the same thing to Megaman, I can't even imagine how he would shit all over the blue bomber.

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  8. Once again Bores makes a big fuss about a game just because of it title. Is it really important to play the game according to what it indicates?

    I mean, I first played the game without reading the manual or looking at the box, and it never crossed my mind why I was fighting aliens.

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  9. Yeah, Eric Allen is a better actor. a better gamer, and has a better sense of humor than the Bores. Clearly he should have had his own video game review show. It wouldn't have been great, but it would have been an improvement.

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  10. No hay nick libreJune 4, 2010 at 11:45 AM

    Wow,BatDan.It seems that you read TvTropes a lot.

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  11. Just something out of interest. The description for the next IG review reads:
    "(Top Secret)
    Things get a little bit crazy for this installement..."

    No doubt "things get a little bit crazy" translates into more God-awful sketches.

    Also he spelt "instalment" wrong. Boo.

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  12. @ Anon (June 4, 2010 7:15 AM)

    I wouldn't worry about our Blue Bomber. He's likely excempt from the tyranny the Irate Lamer beholds. because...
    - You can take more than one hit
    - you can obtain free extra lives at random
    - bosses are super easy(with the right weapon)
    - it's the same thing over and over again, from Megaman 1 to Megaman 10 (7 and 8 do count)

    So don't worry about it. :)

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  13. Dan you forgot to talk abou the redundancy of the phrase 'rouge terrorists' Sorry but It really bit me everytime I watched Chris's review. (As well as all the other BS in it)

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  15. Whenever i see comments on IG hate videogs (usually ones showing REAL gamers playing contra) People actually (brace yourselves) AGREE WITH BORES ON NOT READING THE GOD DAMN MANUAL!!!
    This is IT people! everything has gone to hell in a hambasket!
    I actually met an 11 year old in my scout troop who said to me "Irate Gamers cool!"
    and i just gave him a death stare and walked away.

    it saddens me to see what the gaming community is being subjected to; a self indulgent monney grubbing 30 year old whore who has managed to brain wash thousands of idiotic kids who have never heard of a nes or genesis or any other console besides the PS3 or 360.

    Sigh oh well, great redux Dan! I hope to see more!

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  16. "That and it’s MANLY! TESTOSTERONE TO THE EXTREME! HEAVY METAL!"

    Was this a reference to SirRonLionHeart's Let's Play of Contra III?

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  17. @Anonymous (June 4, 2010 7:52 PM)

    To Mr. Troll:
    GTFO!

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  18. @ Raccoonman900

    Rainbows make me cry. ;_;

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  19. @Anonymous (June 4, 2010 11:59 PM)

    Get out of here, you stupid scout troll!

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  20. Bores just released his new Irate The 80's. Garbage Pail Kids. Can't wait to hear what all he got wrong. lol

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  21. Does he really think his "I Rate the 80's" videos are half-documentaries and half-reviews?

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  22. @AngrySun86
    Taking multiple hits didn't stop the Irate Crapper from bitching about the two TMNT Nes games that are actually good. And I can see The Boringess bitching about the difficulty of some stages in Megaman 1 and 2, you know Bores can't platafform to save his useless life.

    He could very well bash Megaman if he thinks he needs to increase the hit numbers to his account or videos, though. But whatever, I just hope he leaves Megaman as well as Castlevania 1 and 3 for the Nes alone and never attempts "reviewing" them.

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  23. Lets face it he wrote all the terrorist jokes based on what he could see in the first level and just couldn't be bothered to rewrite when he discovered he was wrong after discovering and using the Konami Code to get further.

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  24. Garbage Pail Kids? I have to check this out.

    Wait, what does footage of people walking in a crowded city have to do with the 80s? Did we just do that a lot back then?

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  25. has anyone seen the new I Rate the 80's

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  26. Yeah, it sucks. Adam Bores? Why not Bores Bomb? Why do the years need to float by as he says them? Why is the Garbage Pail Kids Movie the worst ever made? (Granted, I can think of a million reasons, but elaboration would be nice.) Ugh, it's an improvement over his previous I Rate the 80s videos, but it's still boring and unnecessary?

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  27. At least he finally started ranting about something other than food.

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  28. "Today on iRate the 80's, we're looking at those little cards that caused all kinda of commotion in the 1980's" and "In just this year, Topps released the Flashback series in 2010" prove that Bores just doesn't give a damn about proofreading scripts.

    Commenter arbitor365 brings up a valid plothole:

    "you know, he says he was there when they were first released in the 80's and he always says he grew up in the 80s and experienced them first hand. I dont think thats true. how old is he exactly? if he was, at the youngest, 5 years old when these cards were released in 1985, that would make him 30 years old now. I seriously doubt he is really that old (or even more old). so, its kinda BS for him to talk like he was there. just because you were born in the 80s doesnt mean you lived the eighties. "

    Explain that, Bores.

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  29. Bores is 30 years old.

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  30. Exactly. I really didn't expect him as 5 year old to be huge fans of these cards. Or him to have friends.

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  31. @Darthgamer: This is another thing I really hate about Irate Gamer. There'll be kids who won't better and take his crap for word. They'll believe the stuff he says in his History of Video Gaming, even the wrong facts. All we can do is hope these kids find out the truth and realise how wrong he was.

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  32. I'm pretty sure his 'nobody reads manuals' is another instance of him judging old games by modern standards. I will admit that I never read game manuals anymore, since the majority of games nowadays have pretty complex control schemes, and feature training stages, or in-game tutorials, as well as CGI cutscenes to show off the story.

    Games back then didn't have that sort of capability. This is worse in his MUSCLE review when he does that unnecessarily long gag about the FMV intros. It was most likely just a joke, but the way that he words it makes him sound like he actually expects the NES to be capable of that sort of thing.

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  33. @Bahamut

    Which is why the VC release of ZAMN was supposed to be such a great thing. These kids likely own a Wii, so they could actually try out the game, and they'll likely end up liking it. Makes me wish James Rolfe reviews ZAMN as himself. That would be AWESOME!

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  34. About his newest video, at best, the only thing I can say about it is that he doesn't (really) talk about food.

    Other than that, it's another uninteresting video that he's made. I haven't even found any of the usual Bores' standard entertainment level.

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  35. When I saw the way Chris raised his hands after putting in the code I thought "Mommy wow, I'm a big kid now"

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  36. @Bahamut
    I hope that they realize first that when you are making a video about the history of anything (not just video games) you are supposed to take the topic seriously (after all, history is supposed to be a science, isn't it?). The fact that he inserts stupid jokes really loses and makes wrong statements for the sake of being "irate" kills his credibility.

    Or at the very least, he should cut the bullshit and drop the pretentious "History of video games" title.

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  37. @Anonymous (June 5, 2010 9:32 AM)
    Like in most of his "research", he just went and read the Wikipedia article. You can read tha article and realize that he almost copied each paragraph content. Of course, because of that, he remains pretty vague about why the cards were so popular, why the movie sucked (with the Nostalgia Critic paragraph being the only one that attempts to explain it, but obviously Bores can't stand competition) or the lawsuit with Coleco.

    At least he stopped talking about food, although that doesn't say too much.

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  38. And he STILL didn't rate anything. If he did, I'm sure he'd give the 80s an A+. "So final verdict? Awesome decade. Go live through it, bub!"

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  39. I'm fairly sure Irate could've improved his review by at least acknowledging the Nostalgia Critic's review. He could have had a throwaway line like "yeah, you'd probably know if you've seen the Nostalgia Critic's review" or "I know this guy already mentioned it in his review", something like that. Hell, if he said that, he could give his own reasons why the movie sucks without being called out for plagiarism.

    Instead he goes on pretending that he's the only person in the world who knows about it.

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  40. @polo_sc83

    The Nostalgia Critic paragraph actually proves that Bores merely read Wikipedia, since that paragraph is the *only* place that said that the movie was the "worst movie ever".

    If Bored did research, he'd find out it's not even on the IMDB Bottom 100. (granted, it's close)

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  41. @polo_sc83
    That's another thing I hate about his History of Video Gaming. If I want to watch a series based on the timeline of Video Games, I don't want all these stupid jokes. Even if you can come up with good jokes for them, I'd rather they be elsewhere. Would it work if someone made a documentary on wars and started throwing their own jokes in?

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  42. Keep in mind, The Nostalgia Critic gave a "Take That" to the Irate Gamer in his AVGN Wizard Rant. Bores's refusal to acknowledge the NC review is probably because of this.

    The Garbage Pail Kids was a forgettable 80's trading card series focusing on excessive gross-out humor that would make the new episodes of Spongebob proud. Seriously, looking at the shit makes me ill. Prior to the NC review these things wallowed in obscurity because they sucked.

    And yes, nearly everything in the video is ripped from the wikipedia article. Who does he think he's fooling?

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  43. Bores gives a new URL at the end of his last video: www.IRATEthe80s.com

    However, it only redirects you to the Y2B Productions website, which doesn't have any page about I Rate the 80's. And why the hell would he buy a new domain name for each of his Youtube series?

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  44. @Kama

    I'm sure that he wouldn't acknowledge NC's existence anyway, since that would mean that there's someone better at making reviews and Bores can't take criticism or comparisons of any kind.

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  45. Oh by the way, I now understand why his websites are so horrible. They are made with Microsoft Word. I'm not kidding, just look at the source code.

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  46. Damn. I get computer problems for a couple days and all hell breaks loose.

    I haven't tried to watch IG's new "Breakfast Rant 2.0". Though from the comments, it sounds like it's not worth covering.

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  47. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  48. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  49. @Kama

    what the hell are you smoking, Garbage Pail Kids were and are still awesome. I loved them as a kid and still have a lot of them.

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  50. I was born in 87, and never had the pleasure of being introduced to them (My parents wouldn't allow it either way). Never heard of them until the NC review.

    Was never one for gross out humor. There are plenty who appreciate it, but I never enjoyed it. And since the Garbage Pail Kids rely on it, they just don't hold any appeal to me.

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  51. AVGNNostalgiaCriticFanJune 6, 2010 at 2:28 PM

    I'll review this so you won't have to sit through this piece of used toilet paper. Since it's so short, I'll just do a minute by minute recap.

    0:00 - 0:59: Chris Bores (The Shit Out Of Us) states that he's reviewing Garbage Pail Kids. At least he's off the breakfast cereal now. Although GPK packs came with gum. The video opens with a GPK card of himself as "Adam Bores." He pads this out with information straight out of Wikipedia.

    1:00 - 1:59: Footage of GPK cards that he probably got off eBay along with all his video game consoles and cartridges. He says that he remembers going to the drive-through and buying the cards and trading the doubles off to his friends. (Although in his Contra review, he said he didn't have any friends.)

    2:00 - 2:59: More footage of GPK cards and merchandise along with Wikipedia facts.

    3:00 - 3:59: "1987 was the year that broke the camel's back" followed by special effects. He talks about how the characters were changed so as not to resemble Cabbage Patch dolls. Not content with just ripping off AVGN, he rips off the Nostalgia Critic by trashing the GPK movie.

    4:00 - 4:59: Bores gushes about how the All-New GPK set released in 2003 was printed on glossy cards, as he waves the card back and forth so we see the light reflecting off of it. (Proving that he's not just a graphics whore when it comes to video games.) Then more gushing about how the Flashback set released this year is on glossy cards.

    5:00 - 5:41: Bores is now dressed like a used-car salesman. He does a Big Lipped Alligator Moment where he pulls out a remote control, presses a button, and the top of his head explodes. The video ends with the clip from his MUSCLE review featuring the Garbage Pail Kid.

    Yes I know that review sucked as much as Bores' video.

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  52. Okay, I dislike Bores as much as anybody, but it takes UTTER desperation to accuse him of ripping off the Nostalgia Critic by mentioning the Garbage Pail Kids Movie. What is that, an EIGHT SECOND segment of him saying it's been named the worst movie ever made? He could have mentioned NC, but he obviously didn't. Is this really shocking? He doesn't acknowledge others, and never will - and he's done plenty of ACTUAL plagiarism already.

    It was a typically dull episode without much material worth parodying.

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  53. @Anonymous June 6, 2010

    I only saw the scene where Bores was pressing the button thanks to MatthewErich. I didn't noticed he was wearing a suit and tie. When you mentioned him ripping off Nostalgia Critic, I was thinking, "Doesn't NC also wear a...." Nah, maybe that's a coincidence. Also, no cap.

    I also noticed that one of y2b2010's videos got pulled by a "Cry Wolf Productions". Its the "Making of Irate Gamer" video. I also remember seeing a video that was pulled by this group, and its a video of someone making a comparison of IG's Final Fantasy timeline thing with AVGN's Final Fantasy timeline thing.

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  54. Opps, that reply was to Anonymous June 6, 2010 3:48 PM.

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  55. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  56. OK, so the real reason why Bores was wearing that shirt and tie wasn't to copy NC's look. It was to dress up as one of the Garbage Pail Kids characters. Kinda jumped to conclusions after seeing people saying that he was ripping off NC.

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  57. I don't understand the system of him using title card pictures. He does it so randomly. First Aladdin, then Kool-Aid man and now iRatethe80's? Why? What is the reason for that? This is so dumb.

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  58. @Dave,

    But what if you capitalised the the letters so it became iRategamer.com like some of his shit-for-brains fanboys spell it?

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  59. I too think the NC ripoff accusations go too far. Just because someone reviews the same thing doesn't mean they're ripping off a certain someone. And besides, plagiarism is the least of our worries when it comes to Chris Bores, even if the Irate Gamer show was solely based on AVGN's.

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  60. Guys, he was NOT ripping off the Nostalgia Critic, because NC actually- what's that word? Oh yeah- explained what was wrong with it. If you trash the GPK movie, it doesn't mean you're ripping off the Critic. It just means you have good taste.

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  61. I agree, he says the Garbage Pail Kids movie was dubbed "the worst one ever made" only because it was written on Wikipedia. Nothing more, nothing less.


    @ Shaolin Dave

    It makes sense for the Irate Gamer domain, since the show is quite (in)famous and he sells cheap merchandise on it.

    But why would he need one for I Rate the 80's? It's just lame "documentaries" that nobody cares about. And I don't think he's going to sell T-shirts with "Face it, breakfast is ruined!" written on them.

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  62. I dunno, I'd probably go for a "What the fuck is a Muscle shirt" shirt.

    But I think that'd be too clever on his part.

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  63. @fattoler

    You mean if the domain was registered that way? It wouldn't matter, though, because case doesn't matter.

    Sadly, I doubt he's putting up a ridiculous price tag to avoid anyone from buying it. My experience with domain squatters suggests it really is just about seeing how much they can get (if you reject or decide not to continue the negotiation, they'll always try to lower the offering price).

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  64. I don't see the point of an "I Rate the 80s" website. It makes as much sense as a Chris & Scottie Road Trip website, the only NEW material is that poorly-made, racist pilot.

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  65. @BatDan

    I object to calling the C&S RT racist, racist is a term thrown around with so little regard to it's actual meaning that real racism becomes ignored and a person who says an Englishman, Irishman, and Scotsman joke gets butchered by the PC brigade, there is a difference between taking the piss and genuinely wishing all black people to die. But that's just my Anglo Saxon opinion so what the fuck do I know?

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  66. Did anyone see the new Third Rate Gamer? I think that it's the funniest one yet. Also, the irate lamer might be retarded, as you can see in the TRG video.

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  67. That was a pretty awesome video. Part of me thinks the message was fabricated for the sake of funny, but if it was real, Chris might really be missing something upstairs

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  68. The only really funny thing in the Irate Gamer video is where he says he bought the cards at a drive-thru. Hunh.

    On the other hand, I agree with Cruiser 8490. The new Third Rate Gamer is hilarious.

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  69. @HH Kelevra

    Well to be honest I've emailed Chris in the past and that's pretty much how he responds to most of his mail.

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  70. I think it's a bot of some kind he uses to auto-respond to PMs. It wouldn't surprise me if he does have it.

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  71. @HH Kelevra
    The messages are real. Apparently he sends short replies like that a lot. ISuckGamer sent him a message a while ago asking him if he liked his videos, and all he said was

    "looks good

    chris"

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  72. Yay! More TRG! You know, the really sad thing about the video is I believe you when you say that's an honest to god pmail from Chris Bores. I know he wants people to think he cares about his audience (I'd want people to think I cared about my audience if I had one), but why reply at all of it's going to be one or two words that don't even have proper capitalization?

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  73. @Bahamut:

    "Would it work if someone made a documentary on wars and started throwing their own jokes in?"

    You tell me: did it work for Michael Moore?

    There's room for humor in documentary. I'm not going to argue that Bores does it well (he doesn't) but the genre is not exclusionary in that way.

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  74. Hey BatDan have you ever thought about going into Game Dude Teritory?

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  75. @Anonymous, June 8, 2010 10:23 AM

    Considering that he uses search engines for every possible site to find out what anybody says about his reviews (that and he's an annoying whiner who remakes every single video of his five times over), I'd say it's best not.

    He'd probably spam up this entire blog, too.

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  76. @ DLAbaoaqu

    Game Dude doesn't even need a search engine, he already knows the existence of this blog:

    http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2010/03/ghostbusters-2009-who-ya-gonna-call.html?showComment=1271284797879#c1553504331794371473

    http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2010/04/redux-recap-i-hope-zombies-eat-you.html?showComment=1273133890221#c6121805477582622648


    @ Anonymous, June 8, 2010 10:23 AM

    BatDan has already said he won't talk about him, and I think it's better that way. He doesn't deserve our attention.

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  77. So did anyone see his horrendous "re-editted" review on tekken 6... it just bullshit, pure lazy halfass last minute bullshit.

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  78. Yeah I know, that added scene even made the review worse than it already is. That whole scene contradicted his whole review on Tekken 6. He said he enjoyed the arcade mode but still says it sucks. And he kept that stupid racist and disrepectful voice over joke.

    He should learn how to read, because if he did, he would of found THE ARCADE MODE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  79. I'm new here and would like to make a comment about this shit eater. He's like the giant panda. Both are fatasses who sit around eating all day; should have been gone a long time ago, but are still here today because of retards who think there funny;are most likely virgins and will most likely remain that way for the rest of their lives

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  80. The comment about the aliens just shows how he tried to make anything into a complaint. To give an example, when I saw Metal Slug 2 for the first time, and witnessed the Mummy tomb, I wasn't like "WTF? Mummies? What kind of bullshit is this!", it was more like: "Mummies? Cool!". Even more so when you later ran into Sewer Mutants and Aliens at the end. I also don't get why some people complained about Metal Slug 3 consisting mostly of Non Human enemies. What? They don't like variety? Well you got Metal Slug 4 and 5 guys! Hope you're happy! *Actually was fine with MS4 and 5*

    On the note of difficulty, Bores will thankfully never review anything by Treasure, the company that mocks anyone who can't cope with their ball-bustingly hard difficulty. Although Gunstar Heroes and Super Castlevania 4 (Yes. Before they became Treasure, they apparently worked for Konami and developed Super Castlevania 4. My respect for them increased heavily after finding that out) wasn't THAT hard. Ikaruga and Sin and Punishment 2 (From what I have heard. I so, SOOO want to play that game, but due to the Nintendo Australia deciding to shit all over Sin and Punishment fans in Australia by not releasing it here, I will have to get a UK import) on the other hand....

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  81. I don't know about you guys, but Irate Gamer's contra review is sadder when you take into the Wiiviewer review into acount. Not only is it far far superior, but it also is much shorter. Plus, the wiiviewer is supposed to be a family friendly reviewer.

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  82. I have to agree that Eric Allen is a better actor than Chris Bores, if not more realistic. I think Eric should have a role on AVGN. What do you think?

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