Sunday, August 21, 2011

Less Effort Than The The Eye Creatures, It's "Video Game Roundup/Rundown"

*clap clap clap* Bravo Chris. You have found another way to be as lazy as possible with your videos. I am stunned, absolutely stunned at the lack of effort.
Remember IG’s 3-in-1 video? Yeah, that heinous excuse of a video where he only played an hour of each game, showed a severe lack of Tekken knowledge, and even after three years still didn’t know Turtles in Time was an Arcade game. Well, he’s doing it again! This time he’s making a “new series” out of it. It’s like he hears the problems people have with his videos, and instead of trying to improve on them he only makes them worse.

Ugh, so here’s “Video Game Roundup”, or is it “Video Game Rundown”? He calls it “Roundup” in the video but the title card says “Rundown”. That’s a good sign, he can’t even get the title to his own series right!

0:02 - 0:15: So why is IG doing something this half-assed? As usual, he claims he gets a “ton of requests” to review new games. The same reason he gave for the 3-in-1 video. Look, if you did get requests (which I highly doubt you do) then you need to honor them. You can’t just get them out of the way and expect people to be happy. You need to dedicate time and effort into giving the people what they want. On the other end, you can choose NOT to do certain requests. It’s that simple. But screw logic, Chris needs his Blip muneez!

0:16 - 0:42: The first game is Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters. Why did he hold up the box then put up an image of the cover off to the side? We’re not blind, we can see the box just fine.
He says he found the movie lackluster but finds the game pretty solid. Say, here’s another bit of laziness. All the movies on Chris’ Top 10 Summer Movies list have come out now, and he didn’t review a single one. What was the point of even making the list? Off-topic I know but this is a really short video.

“Now I haven’t played this game for too long yet…” And this is exactly what I’m talking about. You only talked about this to get the “request” out of the way, not even bothering to play through the entire game! I have a feeling he didn’t get past the first level…
“The further I advance in the game, the more attack power-ups I unlock” No shit Sherlock, you progress through the game you get stronger! Since you have a such a massive hard-on for God of War, this style should be familiar. I’m convinced, he only played this for an hour.

0:43 - 1:03: Game #2 is Lego Star Wars III: The Clone Wars.
He asks if this game offers anything new that we haven’t seen before, he says “they do a lot”. Okay, like what? What does this game offer that I haven’t seen in the first two Lego Star Wars, or Lego Batman, or Lego Harry Potter?
“There’s a lot of new offerings to keep you occupied and I just had a lot of fun…… with this title.” So you liked the game, can you tell me why? I want to know what “new offerings” there are. Guess what, he doesn’t fucking tell us. He just moves on to the next game. This is poor reviewing! Even if it’s not a serious review, you have to have depth! You can’t just say two lines and expect people to buy that! Especially something as vague as “it has new stuff!”
By the way, does Bores sound really awkward in this video? There’s a lot more pauses than usual.

1:04 - 1:46: Game #3 is Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions. He acknowledges that this came out “some time ago”. He’s correct, it came out last year! It’s sad when the most recent game in this video is Green Lantern. Lego Star Wars III came out in March, and the fourth game came out in February.

“Now this game has upsides, and it has downsides” … He wrote that. He put that into his script, recorded it, and put it into his video. How does he have fans? How the fuck does anyone find this legit? I’m calling it, this is one of the worst videos he’s ever done. No thought, no effort, no care, no consideration, just pure laziness. You should be ashamed Chris Bores, GotGame should punish you for releasing something so poorly made.

*sigh* So, what does he say about the game. He felt it was repetitive, he didn’t like the camera angles (oh hey, he actually showed an example), and he felt Ultimate Spider-Man wasn’t unique enough.
He then proceeds to gush about the Noir Spider-Man stages because they use stealth, wanting an entire game of just Noir Spidey. Wow, if you loved that then Metal Gear Solid, Tenchu, Splinter Cell, Sly Cooper, Syphon Filter, Thief and Assassin’s Creed will blow your mind. Yeah, I can tell Bores has never played a stealth game.
EDIT: And Arkham Asylum, which the Noir segments shamelessly copied. Thanks to Deliverance115 for reminding me.

1:47 - 2:17: The final game is Mario Sports Mix. He found the game terrible.
“This game gets very very repetitive” Like every other sports game ever?
“I can’t believe Nintendo would release such an under polished game” So are you going to tell us what you mean by that? Nope, he moves right onto unlockable characters. Why bother at this point?
“Don’t waste your money, and if you did then I feel for you man” It’s too late to try relating to the audience, you’ve lost all your chances.

And the video ends with him signing off, saying there will be more in the future. NO! No more! I am just baffled that he did this. Does he think this is good? What’s worse is that there’s someone in the GotGame comments that praised it. Are standards that fucking low? Are people so willing to take a bunch of short, poorly-written, and vague game reviews and accept it as quality. I fear for the future everyone.

This wasn’t even a joke review like “X in 5 Seconds” or “50 Games in 3 minutes”, he wanted people to take this seriously. This is why YouTube and GotGame are his only safe havens, outside of those two sites everyone considers him a total fool. *sighs* That’s all for now everyone.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Redux Recap: A Battle of Plastic Twits!

And lo, one month following the first video of misinformation, bad acting, and loads of padding, we get the conclusion.
The reason I didn’t do Part 2 along with Part 1 was that they weren’t released at the same time. The next two-part episode was released at the same time so when I get to that I’ll cover both parts.

In between the ROB videos, IG did a review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl, Superman: Doomsday (will include with the rest of the movie review) and had a radio interview that shows why he no longer does them. I’ll revisit the Uncensored Net Noise disaster sometime down the road.

Despite being the second part of an episode, IG made a trailer anyway.
It’s generic, he says a bunch of “it’s going to be awesome” gibberish followed by a montage of footage set to Digital Juice music he used before. Dolly it up all you want Bores, this doesn’t look epic or awesome.

To the video!

0:36 - 2:36: Part 2 starts not with Stack-Up but continuing with Gyromite.
It gets boring when he goes on about needing precision timing to defeat the enemies, followed by strings of lame cursing before just killing one of the Smicks himself.
He follows with a BORING step-by-step guide on getting through a set of pillars. Didn't take that long to get into padding.

Time starts to run out and we get unneeded close-ups of his face sweating. Man, he must be out of a shape if an NES game is making him sweat like that.
He grabs one batch of dynamite only to run out of time due to pillars getting in his way. What’s with the weird frowning? I think that’s supposed to be anger. Right?

He then grabs ROB and starts choking the plastic toy, blaming him for making him lose. No it’s your fault. You commanded ROB to move the pillars, you decided to get that batch of dynamite before the others. You’re not owning up to your mistakes. Just like real life, never admitting you make mistakes and thinking you’re perfect.

2:37 - 2:56: IG moves onto Stack-Up. He notes the game had different parts made for it, bringing up how they’re rare and expensive these days. He then proceeds to insult people that may have sold the game at a garage sale, calling them idiots. That’s charming.

2:57 - 4:00: He says Stack-Up has three games with similar objectives. He starts with “Direct”. He explains how the game works, then brings up a complaint that I honestly don’t understand. Something about the game not understanding when you‘re done or finishing on its own, it’s really unclear.
“So the first game totally sucks ass” as he puts a stamp saying “Sucks Ass” on it. DO YOU LIKE THESE EFFECTS? DO YOU?! PLEASE LOVE ME!

4:01 - 4:52: He moves onto “Memory”, where the goal is to guess the movements of the Blocks and that it requires careful planning. He tries out his combination but gets it wrong and ROB knocks over the Blocks.
“You stupid robot!” OBJECTION! There is a clear contradiction in this insult! You just said that YOU have to plan out ROB’s movements, so knocking the blocks over was your own fault not the robot’s. You only have yourself to blame for not getting it right.

4:53 - 5:44: IG moves onto “Bingo” and says it’s fun. He says the biggest problem with the other games is ROB being slow. Never mind that the second game has you input commands and hope you got them right.
He brings up the two enemies, Spike and Flipper, and how they work. Flipper fills out the middle (normally blank) row but IG edited it to be the “Party button” again. Because that joke was HI-FUCKING-LARIOUS the first time. I really do wonder if this music is on the DVD, he’d get in trouble if he didn’t remove it.

5:45 - 6:02: IG quickly recaps the games, saying “this game just isn’t Stack-Up, it’s also Fucked-Up” Ugh, what a bad joke. To make sure we get it, he edit’s the box art to show that. I love how the beginning of “fucked” is trailing off the box art, like a crayon drawing that doesn’t stay in the lines.

We have now reached the incredibly stupid ending. This is where most of the problems in Part 2 arise.
The camera cuts to IG, ROB is obviously not on his stool. IG notices and wonders where he went. ROB wheels in holding a Gyro and throws it at him (yay), then another one. He gets closer so IG stands up and kicks him. Hahaha no I wish he did because that would be logical. Instead he stands around like an idiot as ROB shoots a fireball from his eyes, I think they were supposed to be lasers but it was a round ball of fire. With plenty of default Adobe effects. IG jumps out of the way.
This whole “fight” would be over if he fucking kicked him! It’s a plastic toy, it has nobody hostage, it can’t warp reality, it isn’t a deadpan snarker obsessed with his neighbor’s wife, it’s just a plastic toy. You can move! Use those martial arts skills you brag about all the time.

Nope, instead he tries to smash ROB with overhead strikes. You look like a caveman doing that! Try moving your arm across the ground, trip him!
ROB decides to start using his rockets to float (HAY GUYZ A BRAWL REFERENCE AM I COOL?) and IG shows he lacks depth perception by trying to punch the robot but failing. This has to be a joke. Especially for someone that claims to have practiced martial arts. If it is a joke, it’s not funny!
ROB thrusts forward and knocks IG to the ground. He starts charging up another fireball, and instead of doing something like “getting out of the way”, IG tries to find something to use against him while on his back. Common sense?
IG finds… a mirror conveniently sitting between his shelves. Why was that there? What purpose does a mirror serve in your gaming room?
The mirror then reflects the fireball back at ROB, blowing him up and leaving nothing. Not pieces that can be found in a closet and be rebuilt by a cartoon midget.

Holy crap, that was awful. The review portion itself was boring as sin, with loads of padding and terrible jokes. The fight at the end was a mess, all because he refused to use his brain! Being an idiot does not make for a good fight scene!
And you know, I would be a smidge happier if the reason ROB attacked IG was due this treatment. He was yelled at, insulted, strangled, so ROB had enough and decided to fight back. But that would be the result of someone who wasn’t a total hack. The real reason is so incredibly stupid, it almost seems like he pulled it out of his ass to save his skin. Though, we won’t get to that for a while.

Yeah, I know it was a short recap but there really wasn’t much to the video. Maybe I should have combined it with the other part…

Next Redux will be Super Smash Bros. Brawl. That’s going to be a pain to watch.

In other news:
Next week, Kwing is going to review Aladdin for the SNES for his Retro Monday series. See another great reviewer give this game the respect it deserves. I wonder if he’ll insert a slam towards Irate Gamer like Happy Video Game Nerd and Clan of the Gray Wolf did in their Aladdin reviews.
http://www.youtube.com/user/kNIGHTWING01 His channel is here.

Catch you later.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Four Years! Irate Gamer DVD Volumes 2 and 3

I was about to start work on the Part 2 of the ROB Redux Recap when I checked IG's site and saw some shocking news. After four years, IG finally released Volumes 2 and 3 of his stupid DVD. Not only that, but he reprinted Volume 1 to be "professionally pressed". Wow, way to admit you rushed the first shitty DVD to beat James Rolfe.

The new Volume 1 is $13.99, has a new cover with IG wearing a gray t-shirt and at least trying to look angry this time (compared to the original cover where he's just indifferent), but content-wise it looks the same.
Episodes include Back to the Future, Where's Waldo, Goonies II, Mission: Impossible, Ghosts N' Goblins, Jaws, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Super Mario Bros. 2, MUSCLE, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Yo! Noid.
Extras include Added scenes, outtakes, the "making-of documentary" that I've shown in the past, "commercials" and Hotel Gaming.

Volume 2 is $14.99, the cover has IG doing a combination of the Awesome Face and slack-jawed anger.
Episodes include Tetris, Contra Parts 1, 2, and 3, Q*bert, Preadator, and ROB Parts 1 and 2. Hang on, where's Zombies Ate My Neighbors? Well, he did upload the "DVD version" to YouTube... well that's just cheap. Especially when he uploaded it before the DVD release. Do it after!
Extras include deleted scenes, an alternate ending to Predator (hopefully one where IG loses), missing Zombies Ate My Neighbors scene (so you won't upload the episode but you'll upload a missing scene?), additional scene added to ROB video, outtakes, trailers, and a Christmas video that was banned from his YouTube account.

It was a bunch of random scenes from his show with a snow effect overlayed on it, followed by him saying Merry Christmas and a random Bullet Bill flying by because "That's related to video games! I'm so a gamer!" Followed by an Elf Yourself with IG, Tony, Devil Bores, and Ronnie. The last clip is what got the video removed, or so I've heard.
This is what an average Elf Yourself video looks like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gerWP7imzg8
It's not IG's, but it should give you an idea.

Volume 3 is also $14.99, the cover is modeled like an early NES box cover. 8-Bit IG with 8-Bit Ronnie in the background. Hmmm: http://www.ffstv.com/avg/
Episodes include E.T. Parts 1 and 2, Home Improvement, Monster Party, Aladdin, Kool-Aid Man, and Educational Mario Games Parts 1 and 2. Jeez, his show is modeled like a British comedy.
Extras include deleted scenes, 3 "mini-sodes" (no idea what they are, probably the Retro Mini and Top 5 NES games), 8-Bit intro (that's part of the Aladdin video, how is that an extra?) outtakes and trailers.

The reason Volume 2 and 3 aren't one big DVD is quite obvious. Money money money money!
Before you ask, no I will not be purchasing the DVDs. If I wanted to willingly waste my money on annoying garbage, I'd buy Limp Bizkit's entire discography.

I imagine a brave person will buy the DVDs and put the content onto various video sites that aren't YouTube. If someone does, I'll gladly do a recap on them.
Until then, let's laugh at Chris' rampant egotism as he thinks this crap will sell out. HAHAHAHAHA

Update: And the announcement video is out, and guess what he's doing another contest! Goody, more comment spam.
"For months you've been asking..." He also said this on his site. Months? Try years! Don't pretend it's been nearly four years since your first DVD.
Volume 2 DOES have Zombies Ate My Neighbors, apparently he made a mistake on his site. Because double-checking is for losers!
One of the Volume 3 "mini-sodes" is that idiotic Scrabble DS Scandal that originated in a British tabloid. It's like he wants to make a TMZ for gaming but scandals aren't an everyday thing.

I just want to remind you to use your money on something better. Get an awesome TV show on DVD, buy some music, subscribe to Netflix, get a new console. That's all I'm saying.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Micro Machines on a Track Loaded with Dull

What’s this? Another 80’s video so soon after the last? And it isn’t about fucking cereal or food in general? I better grab my gun, it’s flying pig season!

Just a mere couple of weeks after that pointless video about old cereal, here’s another “80’s video” about Micro Machines. Can’t really complain about the subject, it’s an old toy a lot of people liked. Though I have a feeling this video will be laaaame.

0:05 - 0:28: We start with a quick history lesson as he lists off the various videos. 30 seconds in and I already want to fall asleep.

0:29 - 0:58: “Of course, who could forget those crazy Micro Machines commercials featuring that fast talker?” Given how most of your fans were born after 1995... I’m going to keep bringing that up. He needs to realize most of his fans are kids and that his target demographic finds his videos childish and ill-informed. He needs to write his scripts with that idea in mind, and not that people his age are watching. If they are, they’re usually doing it to mock him.

So does he show one of the commercials? Of course not, we get a parody of them. A really REALLY bad parody.
Aside from not speaking fast enough and pausing way too much, it’s just a bad attempt at random humor. Wise Sage shows up, though I think his appearance is recycled from the RoboCop video.
“Eat them for breakfast!” EVEN IN THE FUCKING TOY VIDEOS HE HAS TO BRING UP CEREAL! GOD DAMN IT! *meditates* There’s still 3 minutes of this.
“Shove them up your butt! They even come out your nose!” Again, bad attempt at random humor. It’s like watching a rejected Robot Chicken writer trying to do a sketch without the action figures.
Then some dumb joke about the assembly line unable to shut down.

0:58 - 1:26: He moves onto the Micro Machines travel set, listing off a bunch of locations. Including a fish n chips restaurant. He has a female voice as the drive-thru attendant, a voice that’s clearly not his. I wonder who she is, I think it’s LadyBuggin777 but Bores only credited himself. Per the usual.

1:27 - 1:45: He puts the city together, prompting some pointless special effects. He also calls it a “mecca”, you should probably get a thesaurus for certain lines Chris.
“My god it’s magnificent!” Good lord, even his overacting sucks. How do you fuck up hammy acting? It isn’t funny like Jeremy Irons or David Caruso and it isn’t entertaining like Kenneth Branagh or Christian Bale, it’s just awful. And what’s that sword behind him?
He lists off more locations, at the hotel he used green screen to insert himself into one of the cars. Why? What’s the purpose of doing that? Is it a joke? I don’t get it! If anything, it only makes people want to step on him.

1:46 - 2:10: He then complains how the back of the box completely screws up the order the playsets are connected, like how the bridge goes into the repair shop. Yeah, I doubt the toymakers were taking legal zoning board ideas into consideration for a children’s toy.

2:11 - 2:33: IG notes the following year saw the release of six more playsets. He lists them off, ending on another damn “micro Bores” joke. This calls for a Megadeth song! These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna STOMP all over you!
He reveals he made his own custom sets, a marina and a post office.
“Yeah, I know I’m a goober.” No argument here.

2:34 - 2:59: He goes on about how they were popular, had video games, gold cars, and they left in the 90s. Blah, it’s almost over.

The video ends with the rating. He liked them as a kid, and putting it all together is a “Nostlagia Overload”. It’s official, he wants to make that a catchphrase. Yeah, I don’t see that catching on. The only catchphrase of yours that succeeded was “bang-a-lang” and not only was that a different character, but most of the fans can’t even get it right. Hell, they can’t get his name right either, calling him by his catchphrase like he’s a Pokemon.

That was pointless. I can tell that at least THIS is something he fondly remembers, but the presentation was severely boring and the jokes really didn’t make things better. There are toy collectors that can probably do (and have done) a better job than this.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Redux Recap: RSI. Robotic Sleep Inducer

I should probably do a Redux Recap now, it’s been a while since I’ve done one. Oh joy, his 2-part ROB video. This is going to hurt.

The ROB episode marked a lot of turning points for IG’s suckiness, a few he still uses today. The first is overhyping the episode, going on and on about how the upcoming video will be “epic and amazing with so much hard work” and blah blah blah. In the months preceding the video, he posted news and pictures showing what he‘s going to do. Unfortunately, the news archive on IG’s site only goes up to January 26th 2011, everything before that seems to have disappeared. Hmmm.

I should probably address the elephant in the room, the AVGN’s 100th episode. Personally, I enjoyed it. I thought it was a lot of fun to watch. That’s what I’m going to say about it. However, if you’re going to claim he stole from IG’s video, I’ll bring up that IG stole from Awesome Video Games first. Back when they were a parody of 90’s shows and not a livestream of various games. I’ll bring up the similarities in the recap, but if anything; the AVGN “stole” from Awesome Video Games not IG. Since James and the FarFromSubtle crew are good friends, it’s not that big of a deal.

Here’s Awesome Video Games’ Gyromite video: http://blip.tv/videogamesawesome/gyromite-3103492

Before ROB Part 1 was uploaded, there were three other videos. The remastered MUSCLE review, his FORTY-EIGHT SECOND review of Iron Man, and the trailer for Part 1. I’ve already brought up the MUSCLE video, and due to length I’ll cover the 2008 movie reviews at a later date.

The trailer is his standard stuff. “I put in a lot of work and it’s going to be epic” and all that. Of course, the final product looked less like two months and more like two weeks.
I’ve put it off long enough, here’s IG’s ROB review.

Intro: An interesting thing to note is at the end of the theme, the words “Season 2” show up. Implying that “this is the start of Season 2”. However, his organized playlists completely change that, making the second ROB video the end of Season 2. He continues labeling the videos Season 2 up to Monster Party, then drops it after that. It’s almost like he didn’t plan anything and just decided sorting his shows by season would look “professional”.

Title card: A bunch of ROB related items floating in mid-air while a constipated IG looks down at ROB. So, was this five minutes in Photoshop or did it take you “hours” to get the right look of “anger”?

0:40 - 0:54: Right off the bat you’ll notice two other big changes. One is his wardrobe, he’s wearing a blue button-down shirt. You know, like someone else that wears a white button-down shirt. “Come on Daniel, be reasonable. It’s just a one time thing right?” Nope, the button-down shirt is recurring, appearing in many reviews after this one. It’s not like he was in enough trouble aping his style he has to steal his wardrobe.
The other change is his wall is covered in posters. I think this is where the “two months of work” went, he was busy buying old issues of Nintendo Power off eBay to adorn his wall. At one point, he actually advertised this as a “new set”. Hmm, *grabs Chrono Trigger poster and puts it on wall* OH GOD WHERE AM I?

“Today we’re going to look at a very obscure Nintendo accessory that not many people probably recognize” Had you said this in 2003 that line would have made sense, but this video came out after Mario Kart DS and Super Smash Bros. Brawl. By then, ROB had re-entered the collective gaming conscience.
IG mentions that ROB’s role to bringing the “Nintendo system” to America was pivotal. Oh boy, botched history lesson time.

0:55 - 1:20: He brings up the video game crash and how retailers refused to carry anything video game related. So far so good…
“Nintendo decided to pair the NES System up with a robot and market the console as a robot gaming system rather than a video game system.” Whoa boy, here comes the “wrong”. By the way, NES System? I’ll go play my Nintendo Entertainment System System after I play my PSOne One and Game Boy Advance Advance.
Nintendo didn’t market it as a “robot gaming system”, they marketed it as a toy. There was far more emphasis on ROB and the Zapper rather than Super Mario Bros. The NES was designed the way it is because video games before that were on consoles with a top-loading cartridge slot, the cover was intended to hide that there was a cartridge inside.

“To everyone’s surprise, the plan worked.” Actually, ROB wasn’t the sole reason the NES succeeded. It started with an aggressive campaign to get the NES into retail stores, leading to a test market in New York City in October 1985. It sold well enough over the holidays that test markets popped up in Los Angeles, Chicago, San Francisco until it eventually went nationwide in September 1986. ROB did help a great deal, but there were other factors involved.

1:21 - 1:54: Things start getting boring as he goes over various details about ROB. Leading to the amount of games compatible with ROB.
“Out of almost the 700 games produced for the NES” And you’re wrong again! You’re saying the NES had less than 700 games, when in reality it had at least 800. That’s not counting the many MANY Famicom games not released outside of Japan.

1:55 - 2:19: He shows that he also obtained a Japanese ROB, not sure why he had to buy one considering he doesn’t have a Famicom.
“… called the Family Computer Robot. Or Fucker (F.C.R) for short” Good lord what an painful joke, you’re grounded for two weeks! Now go to your room and think about what you said!

He mentions how the American ROB matches the color scheme of the NES, then attempting a joke about wanting to camouflage it. Chris, mind telling me what the colors of the Famicom are? They’re red and white, like the Famicom Robot. Ever consider that’s why the American ROB is gray?
Seriously, why did you buy a Famicom Robot? Those things aren’t cheap, why buy something if you’re unable to use it?

2:20 - 2:48: He gets into ROB’s accessories and this is so boring. He brings up how the base is numbered but the pieces aren’t, he wants to set this thing up for “optima paformance”. What’s that? Do a second take so it doesn’t sound like he rushed those last two words? Hogwash!
“This is a highly technological piece of shit we’re dealing” I couldn’t tell but was that a joke? I know that some of the things I complain about were intended as jokes but it’s stuff like this where I honestly can’t tell.

2:49 - 3:26: IG mentions that ROB needs a lot of batteries, and he needs to find some. Then Vampire Killer from Castlevania starts playing as we get filler! For no reason other than to make this video exceed 8 minutes, we get IG looking around his room for batteries. Actually, I might have a reason. He did this to show off his “awesome new set”, try to convince everyone he’s a gamer with all these posters.

He solves his battery problem by grabbing his Game Boy off his HANG ON A SECOND. 3:18, look in the background. “The Ultimate History of Video Games”. Is that the book he was talking about in all his ego-stroking videos?
Anyway, he grabs his Game Boy and takes the batteries. Make sure to shoehorn a Zelda reference in.

3:27 - 3:36: He says ROB needs 4 AA batteries and one of the accessories requires a D battery. At least he didn’t spend another 30 seconds trying to find it.

3:37 - 4:36: He starts on Gyromite, showing the title screen with the game’s Japanese name, Robot Gyro. Aren’t you going to bring that up? That seems like something that’s worth mentioning.
He shows the “Direct” screen used to calibrate ROB, then decides to show ROB pressing the A button. Experience filler!
Yes, more padding as we watch ROB slowly move the Gyro. Instead of focusing on something like the game footage while it moves, we get shots of Bores … angry I guess?
Finally, ROB pushes the… B button? I thought you said he was going to push the A button?
“All that just to push the A button” He pushed the B button moron! Learn the difference!
This is followed by a poorly-acted angry rant.
“What a piece of diarrhea dickwaffles!” The hell is that supposed to be? *thinks it over* I got it! You take a waffle iron shaped like a penis, take a shit in the waffle iron, cook it, and you have a waffle made of shit that’s shaped like a dick. A dia… I just made myself depressed. Ohhhhh……. Dragon Quest VIII take me away.

4:37 - 5:01: IG moves onto the game itself.
“In this game, you start off as Professor Gyro” And the incorrect facts just keep coming! His name is Professor Hector, not Gyro. Even Awesome Video Games got this right, and they get things wrong on purpose!
He gets into the gameplay, collecting dynamite before time runs out. If you do run out, the dynamite will explode and kill Hector. IG wonders if it did or else the noise gave him a heart attack. Or the concussive blast ruptured his ear drums, causing to faint. Or it’s a kids’ game and they didn’t want to depict a violent death. Just saying…

5:02 - 5:44: He continues to explain the gameplay, bringing up the red and blue pillars controlled by ROB. He shows the controls and for some reason his controller has a sticker with the letter “P” on it. … It’s part of a gag.
It’s the “Party button” and pressing it makes ROB “get jiggy with it” as he shows ROB dancing He didn’t by chance learn how to “Do the ROB” from Ace and Chet now did he? And that’s one idea stolen from Awesome Video Games.
By the way, Getting Jiggy with It? Was Hammer Time too dated for you? And did you really have to play the Will Smith song too? I wonder if that’s going to be on the DVD.

5:44 - 6:04: He brings up that ROB is sometimes unresponsive as he shows an example of this. Look Bores, just because ROB is boring doesn’t mean you have to be too. He also flips off the plastic toy because “grrrr I’m irate”.

6:05 - 7:08: IG then mentions that Hector can’t jump or attack enemies. No he doesn’t refer to the enemies by their name, Smicks. Just thought I’d clarify that.
He also shows how the lack of jump button can trap him in a hole with no way out. He thinks it’s to make things “challenging”. Well, it is a puzzle game and the stage always starts with showing all the dynamite. So it’s kind of your fault that you grabbed the dynamite that was intended to be last before you grabbed the others.
“The developers of the game…” You mean Nintendo?

He goes on and on about the controls being split between the two players for the purpose of using ROB. That’s kind of the point they were going for.
“Look how much faster I can beat the stage without using the robot” You’re missing the point, either you play with ROB or you play with a friend. The game is better with a friend but either way you need a second player. Yes, the robot sucks, I get that. But you have to take certain things into consideration.

He then compares this to Super Mario Bros if they put the jump button on the second controller. Hmm that’s a … “the suicide rates in this country alone would go through the roof” You couldn’t have just ended on the comparison.

7:09 - 7:33: IG gets to a point where a pillar is blocking him and a Smick is approaching. ROB moves too slow and he gets killed, giving us a poorly-delivered growl/yelp/scream that is funny for the wrong reasons.
“You dickbag! You’re the worst player I ever played with!” Well, he is a step-down from the Wise Sage and… umm…

The video ends with IG trying once more, when ROB decides to “accidentally” crush Hector. Just like how Ace & Chet’s ROB “accidentally” crushed Hector. IG yells at the plastic toy and ROB’s eyes glow red, causing Bores to react with dull surprise. A ROB that’s secretly evil? Did he take lessons from Ace & Chet’s ROB? That leads to three ideas taken from Awesome Video Games.
IG tells ROB to behave or he’s out of here, followed by a “To Be Continued” and an “oooo scary” shot of ROB. You can tell it’s scary by the generic music.

Man, three years later and that video still blows. All kinds of inaccurate facts, boring as sin, and so much lifted material. Where did that two months go? The only parts that looked like they needed work were the dancing ROB (sped-up footage) and… that’s it really. I still think the two months was dedicated to getting posters and other obsolete consoles for his “new set”. It’s not like Part 2 came out at the same time, it came out a month later.

Craaaaap, I still have to do Part 2. Expect it soon.