Micro Machines on a Track Loaded with Dull

What’s this? Another 80’s video so soon after the last? And it isn’t about fucking cereal or food in general? I better grab my gun, it’s flying pig season! Just a mere couple of weeks after that pointless video about old cereal, here’s another “80’s video” about Micro Machines. Can’t really complain about the subject, it’s an old toy a lot of people liked. Though I have a feeling this video will be laaaame. 0:05 - 0:28: We start with a quick history lesson as he lists off the various videos. 30 seconds in and I already want to fall asleep. 0:29 - 0:58: “Of course, who could forget those crazy Micro Machines commercials featuring that fast talker?” Given how most of your fans were born after 1995... I’m going to keep bringing that up. He needs to realize most of his fans are kids and that his target demographic finds his videos childish and ill-informed. He needs to write his scripts with that idea in mind, and not that people his age are watching. If they are, they’re usually doing it to mock him. So does he show one of the commercials? Of course not, we get a parody of them. A really REALLY bad parody. Aside from not speaking fast enough and pausing way too much, it’s just a bad attempt at random humor. Wise Sage shows up, though I think his appearance is recycled from the RoboCop video. “Eat them for breakfast!” EVEN IN THE FUCKING TOY VIDEOS HE HAS TO BRING UP CEREAL! GOD DAMN IT! *meditates* There’s still 3 minutes of this. “Shove them up your butt! They even come out your nose!” Again, bad attempt at random humor. It’s like watching a rejected Robot Chicken writer trying to do a sketch without the action figures. Then some dumb joke about the assembly line unable to shut down. 0:58 - 1:26: He moves onto the Micro Machines travel set, listing off a bunch of locations. Including a fish n chips restaurant. He has a female voice as the drive-thru attendant, a voice that’s clearly not his. I wonder who she is, I think it’s LadyBuggin777 but Bores only credited himself. Per the usual. 1:27 - 1:45: He puts the city together, prompting some pointless special effects. He also calls it a “mecca”, you should probably get a thesaurus for certain lines Chris. “My god it’s magnificent!” Good lord, even his overacting sucks. How do you fuck up hammy acting? It isn’t funny like Jeremy Irons or David Caruso and it isn’t entertaining like Kenneth Branagh or Christian Bale, it’s just awful. And what’s that sword behind him? He lists off more locations, at the hotel he used green screen to insert himself into one of the cars. Why? What’s the purpose of doing that? Is it a joke? I don’t get it! If anything, it only makes people want to step on him. 1:46 - 2:10: He then complains how the back of the box completely screws up the order the playsets are connected, like how the bridge goes into the repair shop. Yeah, I doubt the toymakers were taking legal zoning board ideas into consideration for a children’s toy. 2:11 - 2:33: IG notes the following year saw the release of six more playsets. He lists them off, ending on another damn “micro Bores” joke. This calls for a Megadeth song! These boots are made for walking, and that’s just what they’ll do. One of these days these boots are gonna STOMP all over you! He reveals he made his own custom sets, a marina and a post office. “Yeah, I know I’m a goober.” No argument here. 2:34 - 2:59: He goes on about how they were popular, had video games, gold cars, and they left in the 90s. Blah, it’s almost over. The video ends with the rating. He liked them as a kid, and putting it all together is a “Nostlagia Overload”. It’s official, he wants to make that a catchphrase. Yeah, I don’t see that catching on. The only catchphrase of yours that succeeded was “bang-a-lang” and not only was that a different character, but most of the fans can’t even get it right. Hell, they can’t get his name right either, calling him by his catchphrase like he’s a Pokemon. That was pointless. I can tell that at least THIS is something he fondly remembers, but the presentation was severely boring and the jokes really didn’t make things better. There are toy collectors that can probably do (and have done) a better job than this.