Impressive, a Ninja Gaiden 3 review within two weeks of the game’s release. Granted, he announced it beforehand so I’m not too surprised. I still doubt Tecmo sent him that copy though.
But first, I should mention another video. The other day he uploaded a “review” of an iOS game designed by his artist DatBoiDrew called Up Up Ubi. It was only 1:39 with barely enough material for a recap.
During it he mentioned he’ll appear in Andrew’s next game, but he didn’t say as what. My guess is a statue since the Kickstarter page has a prize where someone that donates $1000 gets a statue of their likeness in the game.
He also mentioned some annoying kid, but sounded like he was being forced into mentioning him. It’s almost like he has trouble showing compassion to his fans.
Either way, the fans haaaated the video. Tired of the lack of effort, the short length, one user even compared him to iJustine. Ouch. Some were even pleading he go back to being an AVGN rip-off. Now that’s a sad state of affairs right there, people hate your original material so much they want you to go back to stealing from others.
What’s funny is that a week prior to that video’s release, Andrew updated his site to include two reviews of Up Up Ubi. These reviews had more time, effort, and care put into them than the 99 second crap Chris slapped together in a day.
You can see them there.
Now, onto the new video. It’s at GotGame right now.
Ninja Gaiden 3 has been panned by critics and audiences for numerous reasons. Mostly for the lack of weapon variety (compared to the second game), removal of decapitation and dismemberment, added Quicktime Events, and a HUGE decrease in difficulty, to the point where one can mash buttons, look away at the screen, and win. Something the first two games greatly discouraged.
If IG likes this game, it will tell me he didn’t play the first two titles.
0:07 - 0:14: IG opens the video telling us he’ll review Ninja Gaiden 3 and holds up a copy of the NES Ninja Gaiden 3, he says “oops”, throws it and takes out the new one. Meh, wasn’t funny but it didn’t cause pain. Considering IG that’s somehow a good thing.
0:15 - 0:26: “Now this is another game I got to play at E3” WE GET IT! YOU WENT TO E3! Quit telling us at the beginning of every video! Seriously, nobody else does that when they review games. It really shows how little effort goes into his scripts for IG Neo. I wouldn’t be surprised if he wrote them on a fast food napkin.
He really liked the concept of running around and slicing the shit out of bad guys. You mean like Devil May Cry, God of War, Shinobi on PS2, or just about any other 3D action-adventure game in the past 12 years? Are you familiar with proof-reading?
“What more could you ask for?” Oh, let’s see. Better camera angles, more ninpo, more weapons, and a HARDER GAME!
0:27 - 0:53: He brings up how other review sites don’t like the game and are ripping it to shreds. It deserves it, the game has been toned down and that’s not a good thing.
Holy shit! He just admitted he didn’t play the first two games! Ohh this is going to suuuuuuck.
Because of this, he doesn’t understand if the hate is coming from the title being a departure from the previous titles, but follows up with saying that as a newcomer, it was a lot of fun. … This is what I was afraid of. Ninja Gaiden 3 was designed with the casuals in mind, this is what they wanted. *feels something* What the? Something is stirring… but what?
0:54 - 1:10: He brings up the other reviewers complaints about the simplicity of attacks. How you only get a sword (compared to before when you can also get a scythe, claws, and many more), three basic attacks (compared to before when you had a multitude of combos and attacks) and… a single “Limit Break” attack. This isn’t Final Fantasy! It’s called Ninpo, and considering there was more than one in the previous game, this is another downgrade that was frowned upon.
He says that later on you get more “fighting attacks”. Fighting attacks, isn’t that redundant? Fighting moves sounds better.
I like how he brings that up while showing footage of him firing his bow. Wouldn’t “weapons” be more appropriate there? Oh, and when I say you only get the sword, that’s only for close-range melee combat. Not projectile combat.
1:10 - 1:25: “You don’t have to be a freaking Stephen Hawking to figure this game out” Was that an attempt at a joke? Also, you don’t have to be smart to figure out the first two games either, they’re games that are easy to learn, difficult to master.
He then mentions that’s why he likes the game, it’s something he can pick up and button mash to start kicking ass. NOOOO! That’s why people hate it! The first two games punished you for button mashing, and it was made more rewarding when you beat a level! *feels something* There’s that stirring feeling again, what the hell is happening?
He also mentions that sometimes he needs a “simple game” to just kick back and relax too. *feels something* Hang on, I think I got a lock on what’s going on. … Oooooh boy. It’s the rage of all the Ninja Gaiden fans that now want to eviscerate Bores. I’m predicting Tekken levels of anger here, and all because he praised a game for the wrong reasons.
1:26 - 1:37: IG gives in on one thing and that’s how the story wasn’t great, but then says he didn’t pick this game up for the story. Since when did you care about story? Also, this kind of tells me he didn’t play the original NES trilogy. Those games were lauded for including a story beyond “Go out and save the princess/world”
“I picked this one up to kick some major ass with blood splattering everywhere!” Then you’ll love Ninja Gaiden II, there you can actually decapitate and dismember enemies. Oh wait, you’d hate it because it’s too hard.
IG moves onto the final verdict
He once again brings up that people are giving it crap, believing it’s because the game is intended for a “niche audience” and “probably not for everyone” WHAT?! NO NO NO NO NO NO! The game is hated because it’s NOT trying to appeal to a niche audience! The game was toned down for casual players, and you fell for it! Tecmo was trying to reach to everyone, and they alienated the hardcore fans because of it! This is what happens when you have zero knowledge of the first two games, hell the franchise in general! Ninja Gaiden is known for difficulty, it’s more than a game, it’s a test of skill! Aggggh!
He notes that if people try to compare to something “epic” like God of War or Gears of War NO! Gears of War?! Ninja Gaiden is nothing like Gears of War! Do you even know what Gears of War is? Do you think it’s an action-adventure game because it sounds similar to God of War? No! It’s a third-person shooter! DO! RESEARCH!
The video ends with him saying his catchphrase and throwing the game. Why did you throw if it you said you liked it? Stop abusing your games! Fuck this review! Fucking fuck!
Jeez, this was terrible. The entire review was wondering why reviewers hated this game and nothing else. Tell us about levels, music, actual issues like the fucking camera! Ninja Gaiden isn’t a mindless game, and that’s the problem with you playing this one first. Those reviewers did play the other two games, they liked the other two games. That’s why they hated this one so much. Just… ugh.
You can summarize his review as "It's fun because it doesn't require thinking". Again, something that critics and fans hated about the game.
2012 isn’t over yet but we already have one of the worst videos. The rage from Ninja Gaiden fans will be immense.