Skylanders Drain Wallets, But What Do You Expect From Activision?

*checks messages* … There’s already a new IG video up at GotGame. Only hours apart, that must be a new record for him. Obviously he worked on both videos at the same time, but it shows a big problem with how he works. By spreading himself thin like this, it takes ages to release any kind of video. He should focus on 1-2 at a time, not 4-5 (Regular IG show, Neo, History, 80s, Haunted Investigators and that’s the bigger stuff). This still doesn’t explain why the History of Video Games episode took a long time to come out and it was only five minutes long.

So in his first Neo review since November (I imagine the GotGame higher-ups were telling him “Make a fucking video or we’re dropping you”), he looks at Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventure. I haven’t played this game, I don’t want to shell out the $70+ dollars to get the starter set and a couple extra figures. But from what I’ve seen, it’s just a standard overhead action game with some RPG elements. Bastion does a better job and it’s much cheaper. Go play Bastion, it’s a better game.

Let’s begin.

0:07 - 0:18: He begins the video holding up a PS3 copy of the game while getting the title wrong. It’s called “Skylanders: Spyro’s Adventures” (or Skylanders for short) not “Spyro: Skylanders”. I know Spyro is the one that was actually in other games, but still you could have double checked.
He mentions the game has issues and he’ll cover them … “Irate Gamer style”. Errgh, why do you talk? And what is your style? You’re incredibly inconsistent.

0:19 - 1:03: After reminding us he went to E3 (because he has to open almost every Neo video with that) he says that he really enjoyed the game. But didn’t you say it had issues? Let’s hear your reasons.
But first he brings out the entire box. He says it comes with the game, three figures, and a.. port hole device? You can’t be serious. Please tell me that was a one time goof.
And now he’s showing us how to set it up. Quit insulting our intelligence! Just explain the game, the figures, and the Portal of Power. We can figure out how to set it up ourselves.
He says to plug the “port hole” in the USB… yes that really happened. He can’t say portal. I can’t blame this on his accent, the “h sound” is very pronounced. How does he not realize this is wrong?

… Keep him away from Portal and Portal 2. Along with constantly getting the name wrong, I get the feeling the humor will fly over his head.
He then shows how placing a figure on the *sighs* port hole will have it appear in the game. Seriously, port hole?
He brings up how Activision made over 30 separate figures and how each one “radically alters the gameplay” because they have a different fighting style. … You don’t fucking say.

1:04 - 1:48: He then moves onto the downsides. Ah, so here are these issues he brought up.
Due to the game’s popularity, the figures are hard to find. … Are you kidding? THIS is what you consider a downside? Oh yeah, this is totally the game’s fault. Not the fact that Skylanders came out five months ago and you’re just now getting into it, or that it’s become insanely popular with the game’s target audience (you know, kids!) I have a friend that works in Gamestop and on days they get Skylanders figures, they immediately sell out. Again, not the game or the companies fault. Blame the consumers.

Also, can’t you just shop online? Oh he does that, he quickly mentions he went to eBay to buy them at inflated prices. Well that’s what supply and demand is Chris! They have the supply, you have the demand. With that the figures rise in price. This only goes to show how little you know about economics… again.

He whines about how eBay sellers hoarded the figures all for themselves. … So they can sell them. *sighs* Story time!
eBay, November 2006. The Playstation 3 has come out. Demand is huge but supplies are limited. People camp out for days, some even got shot! Some people manage to buy 3 or 4 PS3s (despite the hefty $499-599 price tag) and proceeded to sell them on eBay for extremely inflated prices.
Point is, supply and demand exists. Sucks I know.

IG brings up that Activision issued a statement about the low supply and how they’re working to fix it. He follows up with “where’s our apology”? … You’re expecting Activision to show mercy? The same Activision that fires two key employees after their game made them millions? The same Activision that milks the fuck out of every franchise and don’t care about quality? The same Activision that refuses to publish something unless they can, in their words, exploit it? The same Activision that thought it was a great idea to release 5-6 Guitar Hero games in one year, effectively killing the rhythm game genre? The same Activision that sued Double Fine for trying to release Brutal Legend with EA despite Activision dropping it because they couldn’t “exploit” it? You have no clue who you’re talking about do you?

Here’s a thought, Activision didn’t realize the game and figures would be so popular. They were taking a risk, they knew this was a big business decision that attracted controversy from Spyro fans and could have failed. But the sales exceeded their expectations and here we are today.

IG follows up that free figures would be nice since he’s promoting the game… and he gives a shit-eating grin and posts his e-mail address on-screen. You disgusting sell-out. I can’t tell if he’s joking either since he’s done this before. This is IGN level of wrong.
Also, Skylanders came out in October. You’re late to the promotion party. No free figures for you!

1:49 - 2:27: He gets to the gameplay. He says he likes the ability to switch figures in the middle of gameplay, and lists off some of his favorites. Also saying he liked playing with every figure, except for one.
“Except for you, you’re just too slow *pause* Lava Lips” Nice read there Chris. You’d do well in a live performance of A Few Good Men. “We live in a world that *pause* has walls *pause* and those walls…”
Also, that figure’s name isn’t Lava Lips, it’s Eruptor. If “Lava Lips” was an attempt at an insult… that’s just sad.
IG brings up the eight different character classes and how it’s similar to… Magic the Gathering and Pokemon. No. It’s really not. So just because it has elemental classes it’s similar to MTG and Pokemon? Why stop there? Compare it to Captain Planet, or the crystals in Final Fantasy, or The Dark Chap- pfffft hahahahaha.
He then mentions having one of each class is required to unlock all the areas of the game.

2:28 - 2:58: IG then offers some “suggestions”. Because Activision will listen to you, and not just hear the words “cha-ching” come out of your mouth.
He mentions how it’s kid-oriented and very easy to play. … You’re not.
His suggestion is to add a difficulty option. You hypocritical moron! Do you listen to yourself when you talk? You want things easier, then you want things harder. This is getting stupid!
It’s a game intended for kids. Of course it’s going to be easier than average. I don’t want to see you talk about Dark Souls and “suggest” they add an option to make it easier.

He then mentions that the game has glitches and wants an update. Oh so now you understand how updates work and why they’re important. Making that horrid joke in the MK Arcade Kollection review completely pointless. More so than before.

IG reaches the final verdict, thank God.
Despite the issues he likes the game, and it’s one of the most fun games in a long time he’s played with younger kids. Where are you playing games with younger kids? Why are you playing games younger kids? *leans back* … Call the police.

The video ends with him delivering his stock catchphrase, touching the “Port hole” of Power… covering him in effects and putting him in the game where he superimposed himself over the Skylander and starts shooting fireballs. Oh God that’s embarrassing to watch. First that “I’m Batman” ending to Arkham City and now this, is this how he ends Neo reviews now? Making himself look like a bigger tool than before?

This review was awful. It’s almost as bad as the History video. He barely went into gameplay, showed how little he understands business and economics, and really there was nothing. What about the story? The music? Something to show that you put work into this video and didn’t just crap it out because GotGame forced you to make one.

Uggh. Two IG videos in such a short time. We won’t see that for a while… if he even goes to E3.

Because the two videos were shortly released next to each other, here’s my recap of the last one.
http://irategamersucks.blogspot.com/2012/03/14-months-for-fairchild-channel-f.html

Apparently even the fans hated the History video. According to SocialBlade, IG lost over 200 subscribers yesterday. This may not sound like much, but keep in mind that he has very low sub growth (never in triple digits). Are people finally seeing through his bullshit?