Wednesday, April 29, 2015

A Pompous Pleb Plays Punch-Out Poorly.

Time for another week. What madness-inducing stupidity will Bores bring this time?

Monday’s video is a Punch-Out Let’s Play. That was fast, after the last two Let’s Plays I thought it would at least be another week.
Wait, Part 1? Oooooooh nooooo…

- Another style change? He’s now sitting in front of his green screen with the game’s title screen behind him. That seems unnecessary.
He mentions the two versions,  goes over why the Mr. Dream one exists, claims he didn’t bring it up because it would “break the flow”. Right, Mr. Family Guy Cutaway knows exactly about flow. In the same video that had a montage that ran for nearly two minutes.

- So another aspect of this style change is to forgo “face cam” entirely and just have his upper body take up half the screen. I’m now reminded of a few terrible Twitch streamers that would have their face cam take up most of the screen while the game is in the corner. Usually from “titty streams”. How did he think this was a good idea?

- Blah blah blah iconic popular blah blah blah
Hold up! At around 1:38 he lifts his right hand up while Little Mac throws a punch. Is… he talking over pre-recorded footage while pretending to play? That’s not how post-commentary works Bores.

- Lot of pointless stuff… most of it is repeating what he said in the review.

- He believes part of the appeal of the game was the “iconic characters”. Instead of the more reasonable appeal of great controls and gameplay but what do I know game design?

- He mentions the Arcade version. “I don’t know which came first”. God damn it… The Arcade version came first! Came out in 1983 in Japan and the following year everywhere else. The first NES version came out in 1987.
“I don’t think they had all the same fighters”. They didn’t. The Arcade version had Piston Hurricane (who is different from Piston Honda), Kid Quick, and what’s probably the most stereotypical Punch-Out character, Pizza Pasta (makes Mario look downright subtle).

- Brings up his mispronunciation of Von Kaiser. “It’s one of those to-mayto to-mahto things” NO IT’S NOT! Kaiser has a very specific pronunciation! Don’t be stupid! In fact, I remember he got Ninja Gaiden wrong before, in his E3 videos. Then he got it right afterwards.

- Man… he is terrible at this game. Von Kaiser has a really obvious tell and he somehow gets hit.

- He skips ahead… *sighs*

- Still sucks against Piston Honda

- Skips ahead again to show Mac and Louis training to the password. Notice that he’s in the middle of the Piston Honda fight then it cuts to that. Making it pretty obvious that he’s not actually playing and this is pre-recorded. There’s nothing wrong with post-commentary Let’s Plays, many of the great Something Awful LPs use that. But they don’t pretend that they’re playing the game at the same time.

- He somehow has to clarify that there is no McDonalds in the game. No duh. Then again… his fans really are that stupid.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Next.

Wednesday’s video is Part 2 of the Punch-Out LP.
Thankfully this seems to be the last one as the description says “second half”. You’re probably wondering why he couldn’t just make one video instead of two. … Milking for views. It’s the DSP way!

- Onto the Major Circuit and Don Flamenco. He also mentions how he got his name wrong too.
“I don’t even know the correct pronunciation” Wow… you’re dumb. It’s flippin’ obvious. It’s not even a hard word. Surely you know what a Flamenco dance is right? Are you that deep in your bubble?
Again, he claims that’s how he said it as a kid. Well guess what, it was wrong. We were all dumb as kids, but we grow up. I used to call Spider-Man “Bitsy-Boo”, but I stopped because I learned. I don’t get something wrong and try to claim “well that’s how I used to say it so shut up”

- He claims Punch-Out is the “perfect game” to review. … It’s not a bad game Chris, how the fuck is it “perfect”?
“It’s a rare thing to find” No it isn’t. Are you high right now?
Oh… “scrap things together to nitpick”. So apparently, Chris can’t review games now unless it’s complete nitpicking. Maybe I’m the one who’s high because that sounds batshit insane!
Chris, is this really how you want to conduct yourself? Pointless nitpicking of great games? Why would anyone want to watch that? … Oh my god he really has become his parodies. I don’t think Third Rate Gamer could parody him now if ever came out of retirement.
At this point, nitpicking is probably all he can do as it’s clear he actually knows nothing about video games, and any attempt at serious analysis would be impossible for him.

- By the way, he gets knocked out by Don Flamenco… TWICE! Hooooow?
“I’m not playing that well because I’m talking to the camera” You’re not even playing. It’s so obvious that you’re not.
So he skips ahead… again…

- Oh goody, King Hippo. Can’t wait to hear more idiocy about how Captain N was amazing. Oh, another thing I should mention in these videos is that he keeps using the word “iconic” over and over again. Maybe he could get a job at Ubisoft considering how often they misuse that word. Oh wait they would probably see that one video, never mind.

- “Everyone I knew watched it” And it was shit. Notice how Bores neglects this. I imagine if he tried to rewatch it, he would realize his childhood was a lie, and he can’t have that. Then again his entire career is a lie so what do I know?

- Beats King Hippo… moves on to Great Tiger. At least he says it right, doesn’t add a pointless “The”
He mentions something about racing to knock him out. Says it can’t be done in the first round *looks at speed runs that do that* Right…

- Suddenly skips to Bald Bull. It was abrupt too, no warning.
Hold on! He gets hit, but he doesn’t lose health. That explains the abrupt cut, he probably went to get his Game Genie.
And he keeps getting hit and not losing health. Did anyone in the comments even notice?!

- Then he abruptly skips to the World Circuit and fighting Piston Honda Two. Only on the 3rd round. Why skip the first two?
“He was impossible... FOR ME” I love how abruptly he adds that. Because he knew people gave him shit.

- He pretty much stops here. Making no attempt to even pretend he’s still controlling the game. His hands are on camera and Mac is moving. How do his fans not notice this?!
He also claims he‘s done because after Piston Honda Two he has “no real memories from childhood of the other fighters” Well, then you could have used this an excuse to actually beat the game once and for all. Don’t be lazy.

- Oh wait, it’s not completely over. He brings up the password to fight Tyson directly.

- “This is only my third Let’s Play and I’m still learning so I could use some more tips” Here’s a tip, STOP. You’re not cut out for it. You’re not good at the games you showcase, and you’re immensely boring. I feel the latter is the greater sin. Boring boring boring….
“I always like the feedback” HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sure Mr. “I pose as my own mom to deflect criticism”. Sure.

I imagine Friday will be a “big” video so I’ll be covering that on Saturday. If it’s something stupid like “Sprite Fun” again, I’ll just edit this recap to mention that.

Saturday, April 25, 2015

The Undisputed World Champion of Stupidity! Get Him Little Mac!

I’m almost convinced at this point that Chris has become a parody of himself. A review of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out? One of the most beloved NES games of all time? Coming after DuckTales and Kid Icarus, it feels like he’s modeling himself after the old parody videos, like Third Rate Gamer and Irritated Gamer. The difference is that Chris isn’t smart enough to pull it off.

Get your gloves on Mac, it’s showtime.

*looks at description*
“It gets reviewed in a way only Irate Gamer can review it. With anger and frustration!” Actually, that’s the feeling Punch-Out fans will have after watching this.

I noticed he updated the intro to include a clip from the last “review”. I guess he’s going to be doing that now.

0:17 - 1:27: The video begins with IG saying how everyone had the game, leading to our first dumb cutaway after saying his grandma had it. Featuring Bores in a wig and shawl and Kid Bores “Winter Gaming” the hell out of the controller. It’s sad that a woman playing Game Boy Tetris on Fresh Off the Boat was a more convincing actress, and she was only in two scenes.
He says one thing that made the game stand out was the “clever characters”, and if he couldn’t beat them, a “shitstorm” would go through his house. Leading to a lot of brown gradient effects surrounding him as he does his dumb “rawr”, and a piece of poop hits him. Why does this feel familiar?

You start in the minor leagues and work your way to Mike Tyson. He shows this by pasting all the boxer’s portraits on a Mortal Kombat tower. GET IT?! IT’S ALSO A FIGHTING GAME! I AM CLEVER!
Fighting Glass Joe… he brings up that between rounds, your coach (Doc Louis by the way, I doubt he would know this) gives you advice. He then calls him Carl Winslow while pasting a picture of Reginald VelJohnson’s face over Doc’s. Urrgh… considering his few fans tried to turn that “Carl joke” into an image macro meme, I’m not surprised he’s bringing him back.
He beats Glass Joe while making more dumb faces. Funny how he calls out Joe for making dumb faces in the game when he’s no better.

1:28 - 3:08: On to Von Kaiser, completely mispronouncing his name. It’s Ky-zer, not Kay-zer. Why do people think “Ai” is pronounced “Ay”? It’s the same shit with “Ninja Gay-den”
He claims Von Kaiser “marches in like he won the second world war” and gets angry. Rather, “competitive” as he claims. Oh and we get a between round scene where Bores has replaced Little Mac. This feels so wrong. He also adds fake text of Doc telling him to “take it easy”
“You’re going down Von Kay-zer!” GAH!
He moves onto Piston Honda. Leading to a long sequence where he tries to fight him but is having trouble. With way too much over-acting and “Winter Gaming”. I’m starting to think he’s trying to appeal to the PewDiePie/Markiplier audience with this.
Eventually he does beat him and we see the password screen with Doc biking and Mac running after (I am not making that joke). He comments that Doc should be the one running… why? Oh, it’s a fat joke because they head to a McDonalds that he imposed into the game… THIS IS DUMB! Also, cycling is actually better exercise than running. Doc may be a big guy, but he can easily keep up with Mac.

3:09 - 6:33: Onto the Major Circuit and Don Flamenco, though he says “Flamingo”. There’s a C in there, like a Flamenco dance. Now I’m just reminded of all the people that get Doflamingo’s name wrong…
He insults him for dancing and then wonders why he won’t throw the first punch. “What is he, a lawyer?” What was that, a joke?
He somehow has trouble with him (he gets hit and knocked out!), he eventually knocks him out. But then he angrily cries that he “falls like a prancing asshole”. Chris… everyone falls in a similar way! In fact, that’s the same way Glass Joe falls. The Wonderful 101’s Punch-Out boss even did that! You need to stop fishing for things to complain about, especially when it shows how little you actually know about the game.
He somehow runs out of stamina when fighting him (how is he sucking so bad?) but eventually gets a TKO. With a dumb bit where he cycles his falling animation.

On to King Hippo. IG claims he’s the coolest because of… his “iconic” part in… Captain N. God damn it, enough of this! Captain N is crap! Nobody likes it! You are so full of it Bores! You’re only supporting my theory! Gah!
Also, King Hippo isn’t even close to the “coolest” character in Punch-Out. Personally I feel Bald Bull is the coolest.
He calls King Hippo an “oversized Oompa Loompa” … he looks nothing like one! Then says “Taylor Swift victory”. What? What does that mean? Is this his attempt at appealing to young people?

Onto Great Tiger. Mentions his childhood (suuure), how he had trouble, blah blah blah. Leading to another long sequence where he gets his ass kicked. With more overacting and “Winter Gaming”. Then a bit where Great Tiger teleports into his room and punches him twice. He eventually beats him, then a bit where Doc Louis leaves Mac to be Great Tiger’s coach. Bores goes “What the fuuuuck?” in a high-pitched voice that I’m sure some 10 year olds would find hilarious.
Also, he keeps calling him “The Great Tiger”. It’s just Great Tiger, there’s no “The” in his name. According to my informant, who went through the comments, all these weird mispronunciations or misnamings are due to “old habits”. Well guess what Chris, you’re not 8 anymore. Learn how the names are said and get them right so you don’t sound like a complete moron.

Onto Bald Bull, including a bit where he gets hit and Little Mac flies out of the screen and through his wall. Twice! Ugh.
He loses by decision and Bald Bull laughs. He notices that it’s similar to Ganon’s laugh in Zelda II, and believes that Bald Bull is Ganon in disguise. OR MAYBE Nintendo had a limited number of sound effects at their disposal and chose that. This feels like his dumb complaint that Contra Force “stole” sound effects from Top Gun even though both games were made by Konami.
Oh I forgot to mention that he’s been giving “tips” on how to win, stuff you can find on other, better videos or GameFAQs. He also does the “Bald Bull hits Little Mac out of the TV” gag THREE MORE TIMES! This isn’t funny!

6:34 - 9:30: Onto the World Championship!
Piston Honda again, with IG thinking he will be easy but somehow he gets his ass kicked. His “Winter Gaming” is absolutely dreadful. It looks like he’s barely holding the controller now. He gets pissed that the only advice from Doc is to join the Nintendo Fun Club. “How is that supposed to help me?” The Nintendo Fun Club did offer tips & tricks. Perhaps they had tips on how to beat certain bosses.

He loses by TKO (it looks like he’s not even trying) and emulates Little Mac’s game over pose. Leading to a fucking montage. Just what I wanted!
One clip includes him chugging an energy drink while he holds the controller in his right hand. No no no no no! If anything that will make you lose to Glass Joe.
More “Winter Gaming”, generic montage shots (weight lifting, protein shake, stairs, punching bag), oh hey he has a copy of the Nintendo Fun Club newsletter, how much did that set you back? See, Doc Louis’ advice was helpful.
At one point he lifts with NES cartridges (that is stupid) and… plays with two controllers in his hands and one in his mouth. That is beyond stupid, you are not Roronoa Zoro, where is the humor in this?! My head…
One recurring bit includes him trying to spin a Gyromite gyro, one part has him shooting Great Tiger with fake blood effect. I swear, this fight footage is the exact same that we saw before. At one point he swings a sword. How is any of this supposed to help?!
If that sounds like a lot, that’s because this fucking montage goes for almost two minutes (1:50 to be exact). That is way too long!

So did it pay off? Nope, he still gets his ass kicked by Piston Honda Two. Leading him to shove his face in the camera and scream “fuuuuck”. I think that one shot just convinced me he really is trying to get the PewDiePie audience.

9:30 - 10:20: He claims at this point it gets “impossible” and briefly goes over the opponents that follow once you beat Piston Honda Two. Soda Popinski, Don Flamenco Two, Mr. Sandman, for some reason he skips Bald Bull Two. I get the feeling he took the footage of those last three considering how briefly he talks about them. Finally onto Super Macho Man (and yes there is a picture of Macho Man Randy Savage because he is that predictable).
“The one that would rip your head off your shoulders if this game was created on the Sega Genesis” … What the fuck does that mean? Was that supposed to be a Mortal Kombat reference in how the Genesis version wasn’t censored while the SNES version was? I… what?
He skips over Super Macho Man (because I doubt he beat him) and gets to Mike Tyson (likely through the password).
“One punch from  this guy and you’ll be eating that wrestling mat” Boxing ring. You’re boxing. There is a difference. I’m reminded of his random reviewing of Ring King after talking about two wrestling games. Does he not understand the differences?
There’s a weird part where it cuts to IG, he throws his controller down and instead of saying the next line, he dubs it over. This video overall is weird.

The video ends with IG mentioning finger speed, claiming he doesn’t know what that is but brings it up because Mike Tyson says it after you beat him. Well, you play the game with your fingers, and the goal of Punch-Out is to outmaneuver your opponent by being fast. How do you not know what that means? It’s obvious.
He cries that he spent hours on the game as a kid (suuure) and that the ending is Mike Tyson congratulating him. Oh look, more bitching about endings. This is tiresome.
“Well finger speed this asswipe!” … I got nothing.
He violently takes the cartridge out of his NES, notice that it wasn’t even on. Makes me wonder how he even played.
Then… slow-motion as he throws the cartridge at his punching bag and it splits in half. You know, for someone that claims to love this game, you don’t show it. This is why people think you hate all these games Chris, because you physically destroy them. How stupid are you?
JEEZ, that face he makes is terrifying!
Then the Gyromite gyro keeps spinning… oh it’s an Inception parody. Why? What’s the point? Where is the logic? Enough of the Family Guy crap.
Oh in case you didn’t know it was an Inception parody, Bores outright tells you in the ‘plz subscreebe” ending.

… What the fuck did I just watch?!
You know, I might take back the idea he’s trying to model himself after the parody videos, and lean more towards shitty clickbait. Think about it, he’s covering games people love under his so called “character” as he believes that will get people to click, his spastic overreactions resemble popular facecam Let’s Players, random references to popular media (last time was 50 Shades of Grey, this time Taylor Swift), and the thumbnail for each review has Bores in the same pose, “rawring” at the game. And yeah, it’s not a pretty expression.
I am surprised that he didn’t go whole hog and tried to make it a “SCANDAL” video over the second version of Punch-Out, with Tyson replaced by Mr. Dream, and how all the Virtual Console releases used the Mr. Dream version. Maybe he doesn’t know about Mr. Dream.

Only Bores could take the accomplishment of beating Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out, and make it sound like a bad thing. He is so full of crap.
So much reaching, so much stupidity.

We shall see what Monday brings.

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Jumpin' on the Loot Crate Bandwagon! Yee-Haw!

I sense there will be a major video at the end of the week, so this recap will only cover Monday and Wednesday’s videos.

Monday’s video, on April 20th 2015, talks about the joys of smoking weed everyday  Oh, I wish, then he might actually be funny. No, instead it’s Bores filming a Loot Crate unboxing.
It’s astonishing how Bores spent years pushing away all the popular YouTube trends, yet here he is doing them. Let’s Plays, Loot Crate unboxings, I wouldn’t be surprised if GotGame sends him a Special Edition of a game and he does an unboxing video of that. … Oh damn it, I hope I just didn’t give him ideas.
For those unaware, Loot Crate is monthly subscription service where a paying customer gets a box of various “geek and gamer gear” (the site’s words, not mine). Each month has a different theme (April’s was Fantasy). Lots of YouTube channels signed up to it and do unboxing videos.

*reads description* He’s trying to be cute and say that what’s in the box is terrifying. This isn’t the end of Se7en Chris.
And apparently handlebar mustaches are “scary”. … Uhhh… huh.

He says he’s been subscribed for a few months now. Mentions that the last Crate he got was “weird” and he reacted “what am I five?” No, he doesn’t say what he got last month to garner that reaction. Hard to relate Chris.
I looked up what March’s Loot Crate was. The theme was “Covert”. The picture on their site includes a couple Agents of SHIELD items, an Orphan Black comic book, a chibi James Bond looking depressed, and a book of Mad Libs. Maybe that’s where the “what am I five” comment came from.

His first item is a Dungeons & Dragons t-shirt. Specifically, the dragon ampersand that adorns current boxes. “I didn’t know Dungeons & Dragons made t-shirts” … It’s a major merchandising empire, of course there’s t-shirts!
The t-shirt also came with a booklet, and in it is a model wearing it. The model has a handlebar mustache, so that’s what the description and title is about. He says the guy looks like a “total creeper” and “not to open your door if you see him”. … He looks fine to me. I’ve seen way worse “creepy” people.
Next item is Game of Thrones magnets. I’m not going to quote a dead joke.
Followed by a House Stark sigil flash drive.
Then a Harry Potter luggage tag. I would be embarrassed to use that in public. He claims he might give it to “the kids”. You mean the ones that aren’t yours?
Next is a bowtie. “In a Doctor Who mood” That’s outdated, the current Doctor doesn’t wear a bowtie now. Get with the times! He believes it’s a D&D bowtie, but I can’t tell at all. His camera didn’t focus that well.
“Last couple items which are kind of dorky” Loot Crate is all around dorky.
One of them is a blow-up crown. He brings up Burger King which leads to him talking about the old Burger King commercials with a different King (not the creepy one that invaded our nightmares in the mid 2000’s). Don’t do an 80’s video on that! I can tell that’s what you’re trying to do!
Finally, a Princess Bride deck of cards.

Fairly harmless and boring… next video.

Wednesday’s video is wacky blooopers! Bleh.
Specifically, the bloopers from the Season 4 DVD set. Yeah, I get the feeling this will also be a common occurrence. DVD extras when he doesn’t have anything to upload.
He actually took time to edit one of the bloopers, giving himself blue Iceman skin. Why? We know you play everyone, it’s not like it makes a difference considering you’re just going to mess up the line.
Admittedly, I did find the blooper as the Star Trek character trying to find “hot white babes” instead of hot green babes, amusing.
Oh, apparently this isn’t ALL the bloopers as there’s a promotion for the DVD at the end (unless this really is all the bloopers and he’s lying to get people to buy it. Anyone with the DVD able to confirm?).
His “plz subscreebe” message has him wearing the inflatable crown from the Loot Crate video and calling himself “King Irate Gamer”. Man, all this new attention has really gone to his head. Yet he still holds on to that 55th place.
EDIT: Forgot to mention. The video's thumbnail is downright terrifying. Funny how he criticized the man with the handlebar mustache of being "creepy" when that face in the thumbnail is freaky as hell.

Like I said before, it’s likely Friday will be a new IG episode so here’s the recap. Light on content I know but it was a load of nothing.
See you Saturday.

Friday, April 17, 2015

Week of April 13th: Arrows and Bats. Feels like DC Comics.

According to a comment from Bores, pretending to be his mom again, he reserves his main videos for Friday while Monday & Wednesday are “other things”. Why he couldn’t explain this in a site post or in a video is beyond my comprehension but at least we now have an idea of what he’s doing.
What does this mean for me? I don’t know, I’m still working out what to do. I guess you’ll see recaps on either Friday or Saturday, or even Thursday if one of the first two videos has a lot of crap in it.

Monday’s video is a Let’s Play of Kid Icarus. Sounds like this is a new trend to look out for. When he “reviews” something, an LP will follow.
Here are the “highlights”

- Facecam is in a different position. He’s now sitting in a chair and not on the floor. At least he improved that.
He also has a cold.

- It’s nostalgic, he loves this game. You didn’t really show that when you threw it on the ground and smashed an eggplant on it. That’s a really bizarre way of showing “love”.
“It has a learning curve” Not really… the controls are simple. All you have to “learn” is to dodge enemies, and that’s standard in almost every game. If anything, Uprising has a learning curve considering how counter-intuitive those controls are. Still waiting for a Wii U remake Nintendo.

- He claims that people misunderstood his intention with the video, believing that he hated the game, when he was just trying to show it was really hard. Chris, you can’t actually be THIS dense. You call yourself the Irate Gamer, you spend entire videos saying a game is bad, very often reaching for “flaws” that are either normal for games or issues NOBODY had with it, you go through videos without mentioning positive aspects (you didn’t mention DuckTales’ music once, how do you even do that?!), you shouldn’t be surprised that people think you hate a game. Unless you make it clear that it’s satire (like The Cinema Snob) or actually explain your real feelings in the video (like most reviewers worth a damn) then people are going to think you hate the games you talk about. How long have you been doing this? How do you still not get it?

- He mentions the Game Boy Kid Icarus game (Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters) and he wants to find a way to review that. Again, you’re supposed to look at bad games. The game should come first, then the jokes. Not the jokes first.

- At one point he calls what he’s doing a review. Wow, he really doesn’t know the difference.

- He mentions a “coincidence” that happened after he reviewed the game. He reveals that the childhood friend that introduced him to the game… died. Jeez, that’s morbid. He just says it all so casually too. Moving on…

- He mentions that people asked him about Kid Icarus Uprising. He says he only played it at E3 and didn’t like it so he didn’t get it. His loss, Uprising is awesome. Even if the controls are troublesome. I think the reason is that Chris is left-handed and the game is not very kind to lefties unless they have the Circle Pad Pro (or the New 3DS XL). If you’re wondering why I think Chris is left-handed, his OLD video Back to the Past shows him writing with his left hand.

- After another death, he keeps going on about Uprising. He didn’t think it looked good, because it was a departure from what made the first game “iconic”. You’re a fool. Do you really think they wouldn’t update the game 25 years later? Even the New Super Mario Bros series is different from the old games, adding triple-jumping, wall-jumping, and completely different physics and power-ups. Along with multiplayer for the console versions. I know people like to bring up the old “Zelda is the same game since Ocarina of Time” argument, but that always brings plenty new to each iteration. Hell, Uprising actually kept a lot of elements from the first game. Hearts as currency, the death jingle, all the game’s bosses returned (including Tanatos, the snake that fought alongside Medusa. Though now he’s called Thanatos, the H stands for HAAMAZING!), many of the enemies returned, hot springs, the Three Sacred Treasures, all mixed in with a ton of new elements like various weapons, lots of new characters, and multiplayer.
He claims people told him they didn’t like it. Sounds like people that couldn’t git gud. As I said earlier, Uprising has a learning curve much like Demon’s Souls/Dark Souls/Bloodborne or The Wonderful 101.  I guess Bores just wanted to hear it sucked so he believed it sucked.
Eventually he does say he’ll check it out but not now. Prepare for bitching!

- Throughout the video, he keeps trying to avoid the Reapers instead of killing them. I don’t think he realizes they can be killed.

- After dying again, he calls this a “review” again, and says this is to show stuff he “didn’t cover”. Is that why you didn’t mention the various power-ups, the health restoring items, the hot springs, or even the music? One thing that could have been mentioned was its relationship with Metroid. Both were made by Gunpei Yokoi, both had similar password systems, one game is about going up to Heaven while the other is going down to the center of the planet, even the Komayto enemies in Skyworld resemble Metroids (which I will say despite Viridi’s objections)

- Apparently the one thing that people complained about enough for him to address was the hammers in the Boss Fortresses, and how they can free the Centurions from statues. Why didn’t he bring this up before? HE DOESN’T SAY! It was probably “it was funnier if I didn’t” but he realized he can’t say that because people gave him crap for saying that before.

At least this wasn’t as bad as the DuckTales LP. No long pauses of silence, no interrupting the flow just to find a copy of a different game, but it was still boring with idiotic moments.

Wednesday’s video is about amiibo. HOLY SHIT 27 MINUTES?! Dear god!
Going by the title, it’s about the supply issues with the upcoming Smash Bros Wave 4. Charizard, Robin, Lucina, Pac-Man, Wario, Ness, Greninja, and Jigglypuff (the last three being retail exclusives in North America). As well as the Splatoon amiibo coming out the same day.
You know, this doesn’t need a long rambling video to basically say “Nintendo needs to make more supply, and stores need to limit one per customer to cease the immense scalping. Nintendo also needs to realize that people don’t want endless Marios and Links and need to supply the stores with the “lesser” characters. They should also sell amiibo on their online store as it goes directly to them. Why should I pay $80 for Little Mac when he’s normally supposed to be $13?!”

I’ve got better things to do with my time. I’m not going to spend half an hour watching this.
Uatu did inform me that near the end of the video, he announced he opened a new site.
Checking it… it’s another blog with Bores just gushing about fan art. If you’ve been following amiibo at all, there are vastly better sources you could go to. Such as or
Still, GotGame let him open another site on their servers. What does he even bring? It's certainly not traffic. The last two videos he posted there didn't even get 1000 hits.

Friday’s video is… lame.
It’s another one of his “IG Shorts”, only it’s no longer called that, it’s now called “NES Sprite Fun”. That is flagrant false advertising, there is nothing “fun” here.
It’s Bores and *sighs* fucking Ronnie in Castlevania. They approach the Giant Bat (the first boss) who happens to be sleeping. Bores tries to formulate a plan, but Simon Belmont throws a Holy Water at it and wakes it up. … That’s the end. Well not entirely as the “plz subscreebe” message has him running from the Giant Bat as apparently this is somehow funny. Whole thing is only a minute.

So much for Friday being the “big video day”. Maybe the cold did it?

I imagine we’ll get whatever he planned next week.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Week of April 6th: Credits and Hobbes

*reawakens* My head.
That Kid Icarus review did a number on me.
Let’s see what we got on the docket this week

Monday video is another book review.
This one about the newest Calvin & Hobbes book. “Exploring Calvin & Hobbes: An Exhibition Catalogue”
The description has Bores claim this is the newest book in almost 20 years. Nooo… there’s been at least three other books since It’s a Magical World. Though two are essentially the same thing. There was “Sunday Pages 1985-1995”, and The Complete Calvin & Hobbes in both hardcover and paperback (released 7 years apart).

It’s… not the worst. It’s boring… just going over what’s in the book… nothing too offensive.
He’s pretty vague about everything… as he usually is… zzzzzzzzzz
Wuh? Jeez, so boring. Next video.

Wednesday’s video is a… website review. Seriously?
It’s a review of Looking into it, it looks similar to the now defunct Goozex. You trade in your games for other games or LeapTrade credits. Personally I like to keep my games.
The description states that Bores was asked to review this. I imagine by “asked” he means “paid”. Chris, you legally have to state when something is a paid review. Like all your Skylanders videos.

He compares the site to Amazon. … No. Amazon is completely different. You can use your actual money on Amazon, not buy credits or be forced to trade in to get credits.
He got Assassin’s Creed Rogue for PS3, another Assassin’s Creed game he couldn’t find for this video (sounds like you have a major organization problem). How much you want to bet he won’t even play these? The only time he’s bothered to bring up AssCreed was during E3, and the only thing he cared for was the “history”. Never the gameplay, the story, or anything people actually care for.
He also got The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventures (Gamecube) as he claims he “traded that in a long time ago”. Suuuuure you did.
He mentions how he tried to order certain games, but they were “out of stock” so his order was cancelled. Well, the way the site works is that the supply comes from consumers.
“That always happens on Amazon” No it doesn’t! Even if it’s vendors re-selling stuff, Amazon almost always has stock.
He wants the site to have an auction system like eBay.
He says it’s a good alternative if you can’t find a game anywhere else. … Not really. You’d still do better with Amazon and eBay, or flea markets.

Friday’s video… is a reupload of the Mario Party 10 review he posted on GotGame two weeks ago. Nothing different.
He did pull a bit of a scummy move though. He deleted the original unlisted video likely due to the greater number of dislikes (and the fact that almost nobody watched it). GotGame, why do you even keep him around?
EDIT: Oh wow, there are comments that believe the reason Chris recorded his screen and not used a capture device was to avoid copyright. These are people that were probably misinformed on what really happened with Angry Joe. Believing that Nintendo took his video down, when in reality YouTube hit the video with a Content ID claim so that Nintendo makes any ad revenue from it, and Joe took it down out of spite because he's being a big baby for publicity. Crying about it even though it already happened to him months ago.

At least that made things easy. See you next time. Go watch Daredevil on Netflix, it’s pretty damn good.

Saturday, April 4, 2015

A Review Straight from Hades Himself. Use the Great Sacred Treasure Pit!

I think Chris has no idea how his own gimmick is supposed to work.
The idea behind the “caustic critic” is that they look at material that’s bad, and mock it.
Essentially “this game/movie/music is bad, let me show and tell you why it’s bad”.
Going by DuckTales and this video, Chris has now resorted to “I’m angry all the time, here’s a random game for me to make fun of and do stupid sketches. It doesn’t matter if it’s an actual bad game or a legitimate classic.”
At this point, he cares more about inserting random Family Guy-esque sketches instead of trying to actually critique the game. But the other side of the coin is just as bad. He knows that he knows nothing about games, almost everyone knows he knows nothing about games, and he can’t actually do a proper critique as he would expose himself as an even greater fraud.
All he can do now is appeal to the 11 year olds that find his randomness funny. Because his “new” fans sure as hell aren’t watching considering how little views he gets. Oh, but they’ll be back when he makes another video badmouthing James Rolfe.

It’s a new IG episode, this time covering Kid Icarus on the NES.
… Why?
What I don’t get is that Chris put this in his Top 5 NES Games list waaaay back in 2008. He even did a “fuck the haters” bit when he admitted he uses Game Genie. Now suddenly this game deserves to be bashed? You make no sense!

I haven’t even started the video, and the description is already annoying me.

“Kid Icarus is one of my personal nostalgic classics and for this episode, we are going to tear it apart!” Yeah, this proves to me he doesn’t understand how this works.
“Hard? Yes. Unfair? Absolutely! Biased review? You can expect no less!” Oh that’s a great sign, when you outright admit this review will be biased. You might as well tell people “Don’t watch the video because I have an agenda!” You’re no better than Polygon.
“Sorry Kiddies, this one has bad words, it's not for you.” … Fuck you. Quit trying to pretend you’re family friendly. You’re not, you never were, and you never will be. Also, PewDiePie has shown me that parents don’t care if their pre-teen kid watches someone curse while playing games. Personally I feel those parents should be disallowing their kids to watch him, but that’s a different can of worms.

10 minutes… bracing for pain.

0:17 - 0:33: The video MOTHERFUCKER GOT A PIT AMIIBO! You better have paid out the ass for that! If any of your stupid little fans gave it to you… agh.
Anyway, because Nintendo “recently” (more like four months ago) released the Pit amiibo, he feels that’s a good time to review Kid Icarus. That is REALLY flimsy justification. I know you don’t need a justification to review a game, but that is terrible.
Blah blah nostalgia but hard. Then a part where he looks at the Kid Icarus poster on his wall.

0:34 - 1:04: IG says that if you play this, you can’t just bring your “A-Game”, with a giant red letter A next to him. Thanks Chris, I’m pretty sure we know what the letter A looks like.
“You better bring your Triple A-Game!” No! No AAA gaming! Oh wait, he meant something else…
While he’s saying all this, we get a shot of IG doing his absolute worst “Winter Gaming”. He looks like he’s fucking dancing. NOBODY PLAYS GAMES LIKE THIS CHRIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He says something with “50 shades” in it. Trust me, you do NOT have that audience. Or maybe people find it funny because “hur hur it’s something in real life!”

And because this video needed to be 10 minutes long for some reason, we get a montage. Lots of death interspliced with IG doing his awkward “angry rawrs”. Until he eventually sticks a fork into an electrical socket and kills himself. I’d say video over if I didn’t just say this was 10 minutes long.

1:05 - 1:30: He then consults the instruction manual. Reading those again? I thought… never mind. He already contradicted that with his Home Improvement review, so of course he’s going to keep doing it.
He goes over the story, how Medusa took over Angel Land, claiming it was to “piss off every gamer that tries to play this game”. *cough*
He notes the enemy list and wonders how a “game intended for kids” allowed the picture of the Syren enemy (with exposed blue breasts). IG… puts the manual in his pocket and says “save that for later”. … Gross gross gross gross gross.

1:31 - 3:36: Onto the game itself.
He goes over how you start in the Underworld and make your way up to Medusa’s Palace. Including footage of the final boss fight. I love how the Game Genie use is obvious with 999 Hearts. I know he admitted it before in his Top 5 video, but it’s still funny.
He mentions how the upward stages allow you to walk left and end up the right, and that enemies can do this to. When an enemy does this, he throws his controller to the left, and it hits him from the right side. Without a cord. I know this is actually something in the game, but didn’t he already do this joke in Temple of Doom?
He then brings up how the platforms disappear below as you climb up, which adds to the difficulty. He demonstrates this with a Love Tester showing “Medium, Hard, Harder”. Followed by more deaths.

Lots of enemies, he mentions the Reaper. For some reason he calls the Reaper a “she”, and that “she” summons her “death babies”. You do realize that’s NOT a woman right? I know some works of fiction portray Death as a woman (Neil Gaiman’s Sandman being one of the best), but it’s pretty clear that this version of the Reaper isn’t meant to be a woman. Hell, it’s not really meant to be a man either. It doesn’t really have a set gender.
Anyway, the Reapettes are summoned, and says these “little turds will fuck you up”. I see he’s still inconsistent with leaving in f-bombs or just bleeping them.
Then a bunch of deaths. Notice that one of the deaths wasn’t caused by a Reapette, but by a Monoeye (the red enemies). Wrong take Bores?

More explaining, enemies drop hearts that act as currency, the doors can lead you to shops, he showcases some of the items (using his “patented green circles of no shit”)  and says the barrel just causes the shopkeeper to laugh at you. Uh no, the barrel is used to increase the number of Water of Life Bottles you can carry. Eight instead of one. Also, buying any expensive item will have the shopkeeper “laugh at you”. He’s laughing because you gave him a lot of hearts and is happy. Not because you bought a “worthless item”. The game’s hard, but it’s not a dick.
He mentions the other rooms that have enemies, endurance rounds, or “mystics” that give you power-ups. That “mystic” is actually Zeus.
The power-ups give Pit a green hue, and IG remarks that now he’ll “power-up green too”. … What? So he … turns into… what the fuck even is that? Is that one of the vegetables from VeggiesTales? Where is the sense?! I can’t say I expected that, I thought he would just turn his skin green again and pretend to be the Hulk.

3:37 - 5:32: He reaches the Boss Fortress. I forgot to mention earlier he did the Love Tester gag again, going from “Harder” to “Extremely Hard”. He does it again here, going up to “Shit Myself Hard”. Yeah, I’m counting that as a poop joke (the evergrowing list of them to contradict the fans claim of “he doesn’t do poop jokes”)
He lists off the enemies because that’s one of his methods of padding, calls the Uranos enemies “nightclub bouncers” HOLD ON! The Uranos enemies only show up in Skyworld, the third world. In fact, they only show up in the Skyworld Boss Fortress. Meaning he’s just mixing up the footage of the fortresses to try and make the first one sound harder than it really is. Why do you do this Bores? Being dishonest isn’t funny.
Anyway, he brings up the Eggplant Wizards and how they turn you into an Eggplant and that you need to see the Medic to cure yourself… Nothing wrong here.
He mentions the map, and that it doesn’t really work until you buy a torch or pencil. This leads to a “rule of three” joke that ends with him buying another barrel, and editing the text so the shopkeeper calls him a “sucker”. Again, why the dishonesty?

He reaches the first boss, Twinbellows, and gets angry that killing it requires 50 shots. He lists everything he has to do to get to that point. He just loves his lists doesn’t he? You know, the bosses are easier if you bothered to free the Centurions. They act as additional firepower during the boss fight. Press Select to equip a mallet, and smash the statues they’re sealed in. Why didn’t you do this?
He claims “Nintendo had no faith in players” because they provided passwords. Noooo, they provided passwords in case you turn off the game to do something else and want to continue where you left off. Just like its sister game Metroid.
He notes that some of these passwords are fun, listing off legit passwords but not actually telling us what they do. You can read them there. He also gets the “ICARUS ANDTHE ARROWS FLYING” one wrong, swapping the last two words. Even though he puts the text on screen next to him. Smooooth.
Then stupid joke time. He enters in “KIDICA RUSISA SHITBU RGER!!” (Kid Icarus is a Shitburger) and gets attacked by Reapettes. You deserve that for bashing this game. By the way, I tested that out and the password does nothing. I did so because I know of “ENGAGE RIDLEY MOTHER FUCKER” and just wanted to make sure.

5:33 - 6:32: Jeez, this feels like it’s taking forever.
On Level 2, Bores says the game gets harder. With the Love Tester now at “Chop My Ass Off Hard”. You’re overdoing this gag Bores.
Also, the game actually gets easier after the Underworld. Especially now that you’re not going straight up and don’t have the risk of falling death. Sure you go back up in Skyworld, but you have a lot more powers by then.
There’s the ice physics, and the “snowball flinging assholes”. Ah, you mean the Snowmen? We then get a bit where IG has to look up what they’re called in the manual (uggggh let it go Danarchy, you already mentioned this) and sees they’re called … “Snowball Flinging Assholes”, with edited text so flippin’ obvious that I question how ANYONE CAN FIND THIS FUNNY THIS IS FUCKING STUPID GOD DAMN S:DILfjkkl;asdfjl;aksdfjklasjdfklpas;rt5jhkl;awejwtjafkl;awdfj

Okay, I think I’m good now.

He gets past the Overworld levels to the Overworld Boss Fortress. More complaining about difficulty, then he reaches Hewdraw. Where he bitches that he needs to hit him 100 times. Get the Centurions! The mallets are there for a reason! How are you completely ignoring them? Is this like the Sheet in Aladdin where you purposely ignore it because for whatever ungodly reason you think it’s “funnier that way”? Because it’s not!
And we get the Love Tester again, now up to “You’re Fucking Kidding Me”. I agree, you have to be kidding me with this terrible video.

6:33 - 7:12: He reaches Skyworld.
What follows is an overly long sequence of IG jumping up small platforms with forced reactions. One of them doesn’t even make sense. He’s biting the nails on his right hand while pressing “Up” like he’s jumping. You don’t press Up to jump in this game, you press A, like most great games. Do you ever pay attention to how your stupid reactions look?
Of course, he dies after almost reaching the top. With another stupid reaction.

7:13 - 7:52: He reaches the Boss Fortress.
He complains that there’s too many Eggplant Wizards. This leads to a dumb bit where he says “Left Right Left Right Up Down Up Down” then says “B A Start” and the Contra intro plays with Bill and Lance’s heads replaced by eggplants. Not only is that not funny and completely pointless, he got the Konami Code WRONG. It’s Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A (sometimes with Start). How could you forget this? Oh right, not a gamer. But even so he still did the Contra videos! Granted, he has stated in the past that he often forgets what games he covered… awful just awful.

Once again, he doesn’t free a single Centurion to help him fight the boss, Pandora. Who he calls a “he”. What is it with Chris being unable to identify gender in this game? He calls the Reapers women, and calls Pandora a man. I mean, I know she’s just a floating bubble but considering he has the instruction manual, he would know that they call her a goddess.

7:53 - 8:17: He reaches the final level. The Palace in the Sky.
This leads to a dumb joke where he explains that the level loops until you kill 50 enemies, and as he explains this his room is looping until he walks out into a cartoon world. WHAT IS THE POINT?! Why?! This feels like a complete waste of editing time! Who finds this funny?

The video ends with him reaching Medusa. He then complains that she’s too easy. OH SHUT THE FUCK UP! You spent the entire video crying about this game being too hard, and when you get a nice reprieve with the final boss, you complain! Jeez, this is like Aladdin all over again, only this game is actually hard. Oh and one more Love Tester bit where it goes below Medium to “Limp Dick Easy” HUR HUR HUR FUCKING HUR!
He claims she takes less time to kill than the “Grim Reaper Babies” No, you can kill those in one hit. If you want them to stop coming, you have to kill the Reaper itself. That only takes 10 hits with the basic weapon. Since you get upgrades…
Anyway, he reaches the ending. Which he calls “one last can of worms.” Why? What’s wrong with the ending? What stupid whiny nitpick do you have about it?
He goes over the endings, the three “bad” endings, the good, and the best ending. Notice how the quality of the best ending is waaay lower than the rest of the video. Making it pretty obvious that he took this clip from somewhere else. No credit at all. You know, you could just use a Password to get the right ending. Just saying…
I just noticed he calls Palutena a princess. She’s not a princess, she’s a goddess. Learn the difference.
So, what ending does IG get? The worst one. HAW HAW! This leads to the last Love Tester gag, going past the top to “Atomic Anal Explosion”. Charming… should I count that as a poop joke?
This leads to an extreme close-up of IG’s eyes as they catch fire. He then goes to his refrigerator, takes out an eggplant, throws the game onto the garage floor, and starts hitting it with the eggplant. I… don’t see how that hurts it. Especially when by the end of it, the game looks fine but the eggplant is in pieces. He then salutes the game for some reason. What? God this was stupid!

Okay since Bores won’t tell you how to get the best ending, here’s how. The ending is determined by how many stats you maxed out. If you get 999 Hearts, 5 Strength, 5 Levels, and every weapon in the game, you get the best ending. Seeing how Bores got the worst ending, he got none of that. Which is bizarre as he clearly had 999 Hearts… so he should have at least got the helmet ending. Is this just more shoddy editing to make the game look worse?

Oh my god that was fucking awful.
I swear, the only complaint he had was “it’s hard it’s hard it’s hard”. We know! But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. That doesn’t mean it’s deserving of that stupid eggplant ending.
It wasn’t funny, it wasn’t entertaining, it was infuriating. I just don’t get it.
The rest of the time was just describing what you do. Hell, he did the Boss Fortresses wrong considering he didn’t bother to free the Centurions. That’s what the mallets are for!

So is this going to be the new thing? Taking classic games and bashing them for stupid reasons? What demographic is that even for?
… No, the games are just a backdrop to what Bores really wants. Stupid sketches.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to watch Monday’s video… *collapses*

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Bores Got Duped. His Side of the Irate Gamer Game. Also, Green Screen

Since it seems Friday will be the “new main episode” day for whatever he felt like working on, this post will cover the first two videos the week.

Monday’s video covered a long-dead topic. The iOS Irate Gamer game. It’s been two years and NOW he’s addressing it.
To recap, the Irate Gamer Game was teased sometime in 2010 (might have been 2009) with nothing more than pictures. It spent years in development hell with not a single video of gameplay. It went through (to my recollection) three art style changes.
Then, August 2013, Mad Media Labs shook off the cobwebs and somehow made the game appear. It was crap.
It was a platformer made for an entirely touch-based system, that’s already a major mark against it. Precision jumping was a pain, and there were major design issues that somehow got overlooked, like random ladders when you can’t even go up or down.
The graphics were ugly, like something on Newgrounds, with assets taken from Metal Slug and Mario. Then came the reveal that the game was nothing more than a reskin of a different iOS game called Commander Cool.
The game only lasted 3 months on the App Store and was quietly delisted. I suspect that Apple finally enforced their quality control rules and took it down. Great, now delist all the other crap.
Many people believe the rushed nature and timing of the game were to purposely coincide with the release of a different platform game featuring a notable video game critic  There are times Chris feels like the Asylum of internet critics.

Here are the “highlights” of Bores’ 8 minute rambling on the matter.

- Chris claims he gets a lot of people asking about it. He says it was put up on “iTunes”, then “the creators took it down”. They did? Was it really them? Maybe it was since the game’s price kept getting lower and lower until it was eventually delisted. Maybe they realized they weren’t getting any money at all and gave up.

- The purpose of this video (as he claims) is to show the concept art from “years and years of research and development”. Pffff

- Huh, seems this game dates all the back to 2008. Meaning this crappy platformer has been planned for five years. That is fucked up.
“I was getting lots of offers” Uh huh…

- He shows the first concept art. It has IG, Wise Sage, and Ronnie. IG is ugly as sin, and holding two guns. Wise Sage has glowing orbs. Ronnie is shooting lightning… That’s just weird.
“These guys must be serious because some of these looked really really good” … *looks at picture* I don’t know what I’m seeing differently.

- The Mad Media Lab team asked Bores if he wanted it in 8-bit or 16-bit. Bores said that since he reviews 8-bit games, he would want an 8-bit game… but do it in a 16-bit world.
“I don’t know, I was kind of confused” No shit, you clearly don’t know the difference with how often you confuse “NES” and “SNES”.

- Second concept art. An altered Mega Man sprite as IG on a stage with Ronnie shooting lightning at him. Okay what is up with Ronnie shooting lightning? Was this something Bores planned from the beginning but never went through with? Like how the Simpsons Arcade game has Marge’s bunny ears?
Third picture. Random assets like blocks and trees.
Fourth picture. An IG body shot, and various expressions. I don’t know, they need to be stiffer to match the real deal. There’s also text saying “Sage gives Chris Sacred Light Guns @ Stage 2” Man, even Wise Sage wasn’t spared, he didn’t even show up in the final product.
Speaking of Wise Sage. Fifth picture is a Wise Sage body shot with various expressions. There’s real life photos next to them as examples, and for some reason there’s photos of Wilson there. I don’t get it…
Sixth picture is more IG facial expressions. Seems to be trying to copy expressions from the show.

- Chris reveals that he was only getting an update every three months, and felt like things weren’t moving forward. He kept asking for gameplay but was never given anything. Hold up, was Chris actually aware he was being duped?
They broke contact, until a couple years later when they called up and asked to continue. This was “before Season 4”. He gave them what he planned for Season 4- oh please you did NOT have a plan. It’s clear to anyone that you just made that shit up as you went along.
Also, “before Season 4” would date it around 2010. So 2 years spent doing nothing, and another 3 years spent on a rushed reskin.

- His new request was to make something like “the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game”. So he wanted a beat-em-up. I can’t imagine that would have been any better.
He chose TMNT specifically because it had four players, he wanted the ability to play as himself, Wise Sage, Tony, and Ronnie. You could have just said four-player Arcade games of the time, there were so many of them.

- First picture of the new concept. A black & white image in a suburb with IG facing two HAL-bots, one with a gun and one with … I can‘t tell what he’s spinning. There’s also a paperboy in the background. Not sure if that’s meant to be a reference to the game.

- Second picture has four different kinds of HAL-bots with different body types. From left to right: A short & fat one with a bazooka (probably meant to be the Super Scope), a big muscular one with broken cuffs, a tall one holding NES controllers ooooh that’s what he was spinning in the previous image, and an average sized one with a gun (likely the Zapper). Would have been nice to see differing HAL-bots in your actual show Chris, but that would require effort and you clearly don’t care to show some. Also would have been nice to see these in the final product, but all we got was giant and purple, and they didn’t even have weapons.

- Third picture has IG in what I assume is a city street fighting a controller-holding HAL-bot and a muscular HAL-bot. I’m not sure if the muscular one is lifting a garbage can, or just holding his arms up and the can is in the background with weird perspective. There’s also a figure in a hood and cape in the background. No idea who that’s meant to be.

- Chris claims to have a binder full of notes and mock-ups for this game. Could we see it to see how much “work” went into the game?

- Fourth picture is just a layout plan, showing the gameplay window.

- Once again, only three months of communication at a time and all he got was artwork. Could you imagine if a real developer did this? “Hey Naughty Dog, it’s Sony, you mind showing us some gameplay for The Last of Us 2? No just more artwork? Okay I’ll check back in 3 months and hopefully see something”

- The next picture is a VERY rough sketch of the title screen used in the final game, followed by the actual screen.

- He then says they started sending him “storyboards”, but he probably means the cutscenes since those are the images he shows. The comic book style cutscenes. Maybe they told him that was what the game would look like. Falling for bullshots, don’t worry Chris, you’re not the only one to fall for bullshots.

- “I think it was last summer” The game came out two years ago… Chris once again screwing up his timeline.
He was pushing for gameplay, he really wanted to see gameplay. At least I agree with him here, I wanted to see if this crap was real or not.

- They finally sent him gameplay screenshots and it was the 2D side-scrolling platformer we eventually got. In fact it’s not even the same, the button UI is different.
Bores was shocked as this wasn’t what they agreed to. Mad Media Labs, being the snake oil salesmen they are, said that making the game he wanted was “too expensive” and it would be better to make a “cheap app game” and it would be only cost $2 or $3. It ended up being $3.99 until it was slashed to $0.99 before delisting.

- For some reason, he still thought it looked good. You really need a better eye for quality Chris.

- “They took it down a month later” 3 months actually. It was on the App Store for 3 months.

- People were telling Bores that this was just something that could have been slapped together in two weeks and was a rebuild of “some other game” “Captain something”. Commander Cool. At least he’s aware of THIS aspect.
And he was actually shocked they went the lazy way out. I’ll give Bores this, he actually realized he got scammed and didn‘t try to deny it. Though I wonder how much money he gave them in the first place.
Hold on, wasn’t he praising the game in the video he made about it? The one that isn’t up anymore because he put it on Private?

- “I wanted to show you some of the artwork because it is phenomenal” A lot of it really wasn’t. The only good art was the comic book cut scenes. The rest was pretty bad.

- This leads into the REAL purpose of the video. To advertise that he’s selling the comic book cutscenes at his site. He is selling them for $8.99. From a game that originally cost $3.99. Oh hey, a use for the other definition of “rip-off”. Also, you can see these cut scenes for free here:

- “This happens all the time in the gaming industry” It really doesn’t Chris. Games aren’t in “development” for years and the final product ends up being something thrown together in a week. It’s pretty obvious you were scammed.
He really wants his dream of a four-player beam-em-up to happen one day. … Not in a million years.

That’s about it. Huh, typed up more than I thought I would.
I did notice that he didn’t bring up Angry Birds at all. Maybe he finally saw what Angry Birds looked like and realized “my game looks nothing like that!”. Maybe the Mad Media Labs guys told him that and he believed it hook line and sinker. Or he forgot, that’s the more likely explanation.

Wait, if he’s selling the comic, shouldn’t the artist get credit? The artist’s name isn’t mentioned at all. Is he or she getting a cent of what he might make? This seems criminal…
EDIT: The artist is Geoff Hassing. You can find his site here:
His Facebook page here:
Thank you Uatu for finding him.

Wednesday’s video has convinced me he is already running out of ideas.
He shows how he sets his green screen up… that’s it.
He brags that he didn’t have to play “$100 or $200” for a Chormakey green backdrop, and bought a bunch of $3 table cloths at Walmart and stapled them together. That would explain why his green screen work is always shoddy and terrible. Also, where the fuck did you hear $100-200? I just checked Amazon and you can get a 6x9 backdrop for $20! God, you really are cheap aren’t you? You won’t pay your new blog writers, you won’t pay any fans that offer Amiibo, and you’d rather have shitty table cloths rather than real Chromakey for your green screen backdrop.
He also shows how he holds it up by combining rings from a shower curtain with ceiling hooks.
Is that all you're going to say? Why not show us how you incorporate green screen into editing? Or how you light the room? Anything?

He says that the next Irate Gamer episode will be up by the end of the week. Which means I will be posting this now. I expect pain.

Until then, Bloodborne!