Saturday, December 29, 2018

Another Year Gone. One More Conspiracy.

2018 is coming to a close. Man, feels like it's been a long one hasn't it?
I know I've been absent for two months, and really that's due to Chris not uploading anything to "Chris Neo". I won't declare the series dead yet. Chris recently posted on Facebook that he's looking for a musician for something coming next year. I don't know if it's for Chris Neo or something else, but it's something. Wonder if he's one of those "For Exposure" jackasses.

So like last year, I'm foregoing the Year End List, I just felt there wasn't enough to talk about. Chris Neo was a big pile of boring, with not very many awful things other than a couple lies, clickbait, and sponsored content.
The majority of Chris' dumb moments came from Facebook, whether it's freaking out over "Illuminati symbols" on Nickelodeon or claiming the reason his sites were down was due to hackers. In fact, Chris started to showcase a lot more paranoia.

And it's only getting worse.
On December 19th, he posted this on Facebook.

Boy there's a lot to parse here.
It's linking to an article from ValueWalk (never heard of them either) about the teacher that criticized PewDiePie, and one of his students recorded it and posted it online causing all of Felix's fans to go after him, even finding pictures of his daughter and spreading them around. Charming people aren't they?

Chris is claiming this is the "fallout" of Felix not wanting to join Disney or "other platforms". That is not remotely close to what happened. Felix posted a video where he talked about Fiverr, and in it he paid a couple guys to hold up a sign that said "DEATH TO ALL JEWS" and laughed about it. Advertisers saw the video and freaked out, pulling their support. Maker Studios, who are owned by Disney and had been supporting Felix for years, proceeded to fire him. All this starting a chain of events leading to the Ad-pocalypse. So no Chris, he didn't reject Disney, they rejected him. I get the feeling that Chris didn't do his research, merely saw a headline that said "Disney fires PewDiePie" and since this happened a while ago, he forgot the details and just remembers two of those keywords.

And then Chris enters liar mode, you can tell because he uses certain phrases that he always uses when he lies like "I didn't want to bring it up before" and "I couldn't understand it" and "I saw the writing on the wall". He is a really bad con artist.

He claims back in 2012, Machinima wanted him to join their network. He said no because "it wasn't for him" and then claims they somehow affected his views and ad revenue. *sniff sniff* I'm smelling horseshit.
So 2012 huh, what happened then? A lot of nothing for one. He did his reviews of Silver Surfer and X-Men, he tried the whole "IG Shorts" concept, some awful IG Neo reviews including that Sonic Generations one where he didn't even play the game and just stole footage, the E-Begging spoof where he attempted to dunk on James Rolfe (and failed), oh and... Skylanders. Well, I don't think deluge started until 2013 so I can't pin it on that. Perhaps the lack of activity had something to do with it? Reading through my past posts, I note that Chris took a long time to do things. It's very likely your lack of views and ad revenue have more to do with you barely putting out content and it's not some "conspiracy" against you.
Also, what do you mean when you say "it wasn't for you"? I'd ask if he saw that Machinima gave out bad contracts, but I doubt Chris is smart enough to read through those.
And another thing, if this happened, why didn't you bring it up in your Opening Up video? Surely you could have used that to keep the crocodile tears flowing instead of blaming James Rolfe for everything. 

"I was forced to retire" In 2012? Nooo you were still making videos. You kept going for a while after that. Who are you trying to fool? Your first known "retirement" was around the end of 2014, then you ended up joining a network after all (hence your uptick in content in 2015), before slowing down and announcing a second retirement in 2017. But now you're back as Chris Neo... sort of.
See this is why telling the truth is so much better, you don't have to keep track of all the stories you made up.

So we can see the moment it happened? Let's see...checking Socialblade... unfortunately I can't seem to view statistics older than January 2016, but I did notice a substantial drop around October and November 2016. What happened here? *checks* Oh that's right, you deleted a ton of your videos! When you delete your videos, the overall view count goes down, and thus your channel loses notability with advertisers. But this happened in 2016, you're talking about something that happened in 2012. Wait, are you getting your dates mixed up again? Even so, Machinima had nothing to do with those views dropping, you did it yourself. You pulled the trigger and that's why there's a bullet in your foot.

Then he acts all shocked that... Machinima is a part of YouTube! DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN! Oh wait, anyone with a brain could figure that out.
"It was very eye opening" Another one of his usual liar phrases.
Then he tries to warn us that there's some secret YouTube cabals that are keeping the gamer down and unable to "flurish". Keeping gamers down? I know what must be done! We must post pictures of the Joker and yell "GAMERS RISE UP!" No wait that's fucking stupid.
Also, it's spelled "flourish".
I just realized, what does any of this have to do with the teacher that criticized PewDiePie? Chris is such a narcissist, somehow making it all about himself.

Oh wait, but there's more. An old friend of Chris decided to contribute to the conversation.

For those that don't remember, Nick Huggett is SWAGshow. One of the only YouTube producers willing to work with Chris. How's his YouTube career? *looks* ... Yeah I think it's just a hobby for him now.
You're surprised that Machinma can monetize trailers? You realize they're essentially a corporation and thus they have a little more leeway when it comes to that. They're not the only ones that do it either. IGN, GameXplain, GameSpot, official Nintendo, Playstation, Xbox channels, they can all monetize trailers. The "little guy" can't because they don't own the content. They're just reposting a trailer. Now if they were to, say, do a trailer analysis or (god forbid) a reaction, then they could attempt to monetize. That puts it in the realm of transformative work, which really needs an overhaul in the age of the internet.
EDIT: Yes I know those channels don't own the trailers either but there's a difference between companies and the little guy. 

What really gets me are Chris' next two comments.
"I could write a book about this" Please do! I want to see this shit, to see how badly you explain and mishandle everything. If it's anything like Ghost Hunting 2.0, it's going to be a glorious disaster.
Now this I don't get. He claims people were using E3 as a "cashcow" in 2010 and 11. ... What? Pretty sure people have been using E3 as a "cashcow" since *checks notes* 1995. You know, when it began. What are you talking about?
Exclusives? Pretty sure E3 was quite open then, and it's more open now.

Below that, he states he could do a mini-series about all of this, but he would be "burning bridges". You still have bridges? Fuck off with this Chris, if anything you sound more and more like Alex Jones, at least you have still have YouTube.
Really though, it's clear you still need it. Minecraft Puppet Steve now has over 450k subscribers, though the views aren't doing too hot lately. Still better than the views on Chris Neo. After two months, your latest video hasn't reached 15k views.

It sounds like Chris is just getting more and more paranoid. Like he's adopting the idea that his lack of success on YouTube isn't his fault, but someone else. We've seen this before too.

I'm sorry to end the year with a post like this. Hopefully 2019 brings us better material to work with. Maybe Chris will realize the Neo content is boring and go back to being terrible as opposed to dull. Happy New Year everyone.

Sunday, October 14, 2018

When All You Have Left is Shilling Crappy Arcade Cabinets

We’ve got one hell of a video today. A near 13 minute pile of shilling crap, regurgitated from Puppet Steve.
Bores looks at one of those $350 arcade cabinets from Arcade1Up that are a complete waste of money as you can play these games elsewhere.
Specifically, he looks at the one that offers Asteroids, Major Havoc, Lunar Lander, and Tempest in one machine. Normally I’m all about supporting official releases, but over $300 for four really old titles… yeah go MAME if you really want that.
I should mention that there was a commercial for these Arcade cabinets that showed off various shills and appearances on daytime talk shows, and one such shill was Puppet Steve. So for a brief moment, he was in a YouTube commercial. It's gone now.

Let’s dig in.

He continues claiming he got exclusive coverage (he really should learn what that word means). Then he calls himself a “YouTube influencer”. Holy crap an actually funny joke! … Oh wait he was serious? Chris the only thing you influence is how NOT to make a gaming review show, how NOT to run a YouTube channel, and how NOT to handle drama.
He gushes over the fact it has a start-up screen. … This is the content.
“I’m sure everyone bought the Street Fighter one” No they didn’t. Again, these things are expensive.
States he’s not a Street Fighter fan. You’re not a video game fan period, I think we’ve long established that.
He then claims he’s a huge fan of Tempest. You’re going to see why that’s a big lie.
The way he keeps hitting the cabinet indicates it’s not made of a solid material. I can hear hollow thwacking.
Calls his room his “little game dungeon” with an “Avengers corner” with a bunch of comic book statues. How much did those statues cost Chris? Surely that money could have gone towards continuing Irate Gamer since before you said it was too expensive to keep going. It’s almost like you’re a massive pathological liar.

He describes the appearance of the machine. There’s no script is there?
He says he’s not familiar with Lunar Lander and Major Havoc.
Continues saying he only got the cabinet for Tempest. Claiming he played it all the time as a kid. Riiiiiiiight…
“You toggle that with this little toggle button” Oh my god…
“I’m sure with the other consoles- with the other cabinets” What’s weird is that this video is edited. There’s cuts and everything. Yet he’s leaving in clear mistakes, points where he should of said “I messed that up, I need to do another take”. So, no script, no effort, just pure shilling. I’m only 3 minutes in.

“You can’t play Tempest without this knob” Sure you can, just readjust the controls
Starts with Tempest, once again reminding us it’s his favorite. Jeeeeez
“It actually saves your high scores” WOW SO INNOVATIVE! Who would care about that?
He plays… and yeah he’s pretty terrible. He just keeps mashing the button, and dies really early. This is why I said he was lying earlier. I doubt he’s played this game at all.
Says the emulation is good because “people asked”, says the control is tight, but then claims the original had a roller ball. But you said earlier it was the knob. Editing Chris!
Then says he doesn’t have a problem with the controls. Gotta get those shill bucks.

Moves onto Asteroids. Calls it the most popular game on this console, then says to himself that it’s not a console. Were you on something when you recorded this?
Now here’s really weird cut. He tries to say that the games are all vector graphics, but in the middle of “graphics”, it cuts and you hear him say “games”. What happened here? How did you not notice this?
Then he says he doesn’t know how long he wants the audience to watch him play, as it would get boring. Well it’s already boring because it’s you Chris. But even then, why would you include that line? Do you have any idea what you were doing here?
He dies, let’s out an exaggerated “oh come on”, then look at the camera and says “crap like that takes me bbipjfoijfp;k” No joke, he just kind slurs the last part. Are you drunk?

Moves onto Major Havoc.
Claims the graphics are “a lot more advanced”. No not really, it’s still vector graphics.
Because he doesn’t know the game, he can’t say if it’s the same. Maybe you should have done some RESEARCH. I know you’re allergic to it and all but come on.
Boring gameplay… boring gameplay…
At one point it just cuts to black. Did he forget something here?
He also seems to fast-forward at points. I could be wrong.

Moves onto Lunar Lander
“I don’t know how to play this and what the point is” *looks at title* Gee, I wonder what the point of this game is.
He definitely fast forwards here. Dies once and gives up.

He’s done with these games. Yet somehow there’s still four more minutes of video. Hoo boy…
He shows a flier he got with the other cabinets. He gushes over the fact it’s labeled “Series One”, meaning there’s more in the works. More wastes of money.
And then some not-so-humble bragging about how he’s on good terms with someone at the company. But he clearly can’t remember who because he’s not sure if they’re a PR person or the fucking CEO. See, this feels like a lie. A gigantic can’t get your story straight lie.
He “confirms” Series Two is happening (not a shock), and that he told him that “lots of people” (aka just you) would love Ninja Turtles. That’s not going to happen, it’s a massive web of rights issues that this company more than likely doesn’t want to deal with.
“He didn’t come out and confirm it, but he did say they’re working on it”. That sounds more like a white lie to get you to go away. Something a parent tells their kid when they’re being annoying.
Then… at the 10 minute mark, three green circles show up out of nowhere. I have no idea why they showed up, I don’t think Chris ever mentions them. They’re just there. Did Chris also edit this while drunk? I mean he sounds drunk in the video but behind the scenes…
He also want the Simpsons arcade game. Again, far too many rights issues. Come on!
He claims they have enough pre-sales to sell out by November. I have trouble believing that. Chris, why don’t you mention the price?
He then brings up that these cabinets are hackable. Okay… pretty sure anyone that would want to do something like that has better tools for it. Why are you bringing this up?
He claims that they’re going to be even harder to find once “the hackers” open it up. You mean like how the PSP was harder to find when they broke it? Oh wait…

He brings up how the cabinets have different control configurations depending on the game. Like the Centipede one has a roller ball (or trackball)  but he clearly struggles trying to remember the name. Yeah it’s this moment that really makes me think he’s drunk, or on something. You couldn’t script this?
Claims there’s a secret cabinet. That’s dumb.
Still wants a TMNT cabinet. It won’t happen!
He also wants Gauntlet Legends. Weird…

And then some more delusion. He claims that Arcade1up will be looking at the comments of this video for suggestions. There’s barely any views on this, I don’t think anyone cares.

How much do these cost Chris? At no point did you mention the price. This was some terrible shilling. What a mess of a video.

What are you even trying to accomplish Chris? What is the goal of “Chris Neo”? It’s clear to me that you have no idea what you’re doing, or what you want. You’re not even scripting things, or even properly editing them. You leave in mistakes and the whole thing comes off as unprofessional.
Either give up, or quit Puppet Steve and focus on this. But then again, Puppet Steve has given you over 400k subscribers, a goal you never got close to with Irate Gamer. That’s a lot of dumb kids.

The delusion continues over on Facebook as he says he talked to a TV executive about putting his ghost crap on TV. Chris… give that up. You’re not going to get your stupid paranormal shit on TV, and by some miracle you do it’s going to be on some channel that barely gets viewers. Nobody bought your book, nobody bought your Haunted Investigators or Pursuit of the Paranormal, nobody cares.

Over on Puppet Steve, he recently did a video on Fortnite. Well, a plushie of the Loot Llama. Bravo Chris, coming into Fortnite MONTHS late. Chris really knows how to strike the iron while it’s hot. Just like his Thanos video a month after Infinity War came out.
Also some more FNAF cereal. I will never understand his obsession with cereal.

That’s it for me. Enjoy yourselves everyone.

Saturday, September 29, 2018

The End of the Mario Glitch Road. Why Did This Take So Long?

Lo and behold, after over three months, Chris finally uploaded the last video in his stupid Mario Game Genie series. A series nobody asked for, and probably would have been better if he looked at something other than Super Mario Bros.
So why did this take so long? Chris claimed that he was on "summer hiatus" for his family. Few things. Chris, you're not a mainstream TV show, you don't get the luxury of summer hiatuses. The only reason we know you were on hiatus was someone asking about it in the COMMENTS of your latest video. If you were going to go on break, make a video about it or something. Don't leave people in the dark, otherwise people will jump ship (again). Also, using you family as an excuse is wearing thin since we know you're posting bundles and bundles of Puppet Steve videos. Stop pretending you're not Puppet Steve.

So let's see why this last video took around a month to make. At least going by his comments on Facebook.

Intro intro intro...
When the camera cuts to him, his name pops up at the bottom. Only it's "Chris Neo". That just seems half-assed, that your "new character" is just yourself with a different last name. It would be like calling myself "Daniel Morpheus"
Chris makes sure to emphasize that this code is slightly different. Woo?
World P. A cloud level that you swim in. Also has enemies. At least he says Koopa Troopas correctly for once. The world loops.
"I don't have time for this garbage" I have more fucking Bendy and FNAF toys to throw in front of my camera!
World Q. It's World 2-2 but it's colored differently and you can swim through it bypassing the Cheep-Cheeps. Chris calls it neon and compares it to his stupid glasses. Ugh. He also claims the new colors and swimming make it a new level. NO IT DOESN'T! It's just 2-2 but a little different! Come on!
He shows World Q-2, but it's just that same underwater level from previous videos.
World R.  It's World 3-1. Only if you die, you don't start at a proper checkpoint. Zzzz...
World S. It's World 8-1. Could have cut this out
World T. A cloud level with the clouds taking up 2/3rds of the screen. Various enemies appear too. But it can't be complete due to a pipe on the way. "I've got a princess to save!" Stop
World U. It's World G. Again, could have cut this out.
World V. Another repeat level. This video does not have to be 7 minutes long.
World W. It freezes. Well at least it wasn't a repeat so that's worth showing. ... I guess
New code. First is World _. Yeah. It's another repeat. The rest of the combinations lead to nothing new. For some reason he starts playing Dwelling of Doom from Simon's Quest (when you travel through the mansions). How random.
Another new code. Now for World X. It's the World 8 castle.
World Y. It's World G again. Seriously so much to cut. Then a dumb joke where he "doesn't give it the dignity of finishing the level" and tells him to die from the timer running out. Are you trying to be tough?
World Z! Unfortunately there's still two minutes. It's the same level. Pointless!
The rest of the combinations don't bring much new. A return to Minus World, more levels from the game and past codes. Then... oh god we're back to these. The last one suddenly transports Mario into The Legend of Zelda. Are you fucking kidding me? We're back to these lame jokes? I thought you "rebooted" Irate Gamer to avoid those jokes? You don't know what you want.

He notes how the code is basically the same through only changing parts of the third line. Continues calling them "hidden" (they're not) and that he "stumbled across this" (you didn't, this has been known for years!)
Finally it's over!

Again, what was the point of this series? To show how Game Genie screws with a game? Yeah, we all know that. We all know that there's dangers of using a cheating device.
You can tell that his viewers are casual as fuck because so many of them are surprised by this or convinced that these are hidden. This is why they need to watch someone with actual knowledge and information, not a huckster that clearly doesn't know better.

I don't know what's going to happen with Chris Neo at this point. Hopefully not another series that doesn't take four months to finish even though it could have been done in one video. No seriously, why wasn't this one video?

Over on Puppet Steve, the same old shit. More FNAF, more Bendy, lots of cereal, more Cuphead. He's been trying to cash in on Baldi's Basics, the latest spoopy game that spazzy YouTubers overreact to for views, but this shit is terrible even by the standards of those games. Have our standards gotten so low?

Chris is also trying to push more ghost shit. Claims he had another breakthrough. Look just because you had an extra large dump in the toilet compared to the last one, doesn't mean you had a breakthrough. ... What? His musings on ghosts may as well be compared to defecation.

He just posted on Facebook that he got Mega Man 11. It's more likely he got a demo. Can't wait for him to review the box on Puppet Steve. The game? Fuck that, the box is the real deal! Just like the Avengers Infinity War box. The movie? Naaah I need that box!

And that's it for me. See you whenever.

Friday, August 10, 2018

The Tinfoil Gets Tighter

No, still nothing on "Chris Neo" (yet). However, he did post something on Facebook that needs to be seen.

For those that can't read it, here's the text. Complete with typos.

"If you've been wondering why my paranormal website has been offline for so long, well we've been sifting through the code and I just found out it was hacked. The timing of this event seemed to have occured after I called out the celebs in the paranormal field for suppressing my new methods. So this is how it is eh? One has to have alot of insecurities if you feel you need to try and silence my work this way. A big special thanks to the fans that keep tweeting and tagging these paranormal celebs of my existence and pushing my work on them. I've met them all and gauged their reactions to me and my research and I can tell it annoys them to no end that I broke down their entire western ghost hunting approach through a pyschological mindset and pasted it back together in a way that they cannot duplicate so easily. And you'll be happy to know, I've made a huge breakthrough this summer with investigating that I haven't even made public. Very exciting stuff that I even can't talk about yet since I'm still breaking down all the nuiances. Thank you for your continued support."

Oh... wow. Fucking wow.

Turns out he didn't let his domain just lapse, no it was HACKED! Right after he called out the "eeeevil" celebs! This can't be real.
How about naming these celebrities Chris? Are you afraid or are you just full of shit? You do this all the time, like those "hundreds of YouTubers" from 2006/07 you watched as inspiration instead of the AVGN. It's always a lot of people but nobody in particular. That Alex Jones influence is really showing itself. "It's never my fault, it's always the fault of someone else."

You say you met these people and they were annoyed with you? How did you know that? Could you tell from their expression, tone or demeanor? Perhaps they were annoyed with something else. Like how this shitheel from Ohio is coming in with these long debunked methods and is trying to pass them off as new. They probably even told you that but you didn't listen because you can't take criticism.
"Cannot duplicate easily"? What's so hard? Learning to ask if being dead is different from being alive? Learning which beeps on your overpriced devices are different? You don't do anything revolutionary or different!

How did you know it was hacked? Was there something specific that warned you? You gave no indication of being a computer or code expert. This is sounding more and more like an excuse for being lazy and forgetting to pay the domain name. I like to think that if someone hacked you, they wouldn't just take it down. They'd replace the page with like Illuminati shit, though your tinfoil wearing ass would probably think it was legit considering your hilarious meltdown over Nickelodeon.

What "experts" are your "fans" tweeting at? Give us names!

So you say you made a huge breakthrough this summer. Really?: You sure it wasn't filled with making stupid videos about toys? Videos like his latest "PENNYWISE IT Movie FUNKO CEREAL UNBOXING! NECA Exclusive Mini Pop Action Figure SERIES 2"
... Oh my god are you serious? Oh yeah, that lovable kids movie It. Featuring such child-friendly scenes like an opening with a 7 year old getting his arm torn off. Seriously what is it with Funko making these joke cereals on violent properties? At least with Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street they haven't had movies in years.

Continued support huh? You have over 3000 Facebook friends, and yet as of this post, only 4 of them commented. Makes me wonder how many are just inactive accounts, I know I gave up Facebook. 

So what's your favorite brand of foil Chris? The old classic Reynolds, the cheaper Walmart, or maybe something local?

Monday, August 6, 2018

It's been a month

Chris posted his last "Neo" video on July 6th. It is now August 6th. What the hell?
It can not be that hard to put together a video on Mario Game Genie codes, especially the way he does it. He opens his emulator, turns on the game, inputs the Game Genie code, and records the result. Then he edits it down with some boring reaction shots. How does that take a long time? A competent editor could do it in like a day.

And once again, your family is not an excuse. Not when you make 32(!) Puppet Steve videos and 3 Zombie Steve videos in that span of time.
You're probably wondering why I keep mentioning his "family" excuse? That's what he wrote on his site, that he'll sometimes miss a week because of his family responsibilities. I'd show you... except Chris let his site domain lapse again. Second time he's done it this year (unless I missed some instances). How does that keep happening? Is he trying to let it die?

You know Chris, you can tell people you're doing Puppet Steve, and "Chris Neo" is merely a hobby. ... A hobby you get paid for since the videos are sponsored. I'd say ad revenue too but those videos are barely getting views. Too bad you no longer have an audience of Charlies.

But hey, who has time to renew domains or finish promises when there's videos to be made about... Rampage Funko Pops. That movie came out four months ago Chris, way to be relevant. Though looking at the thumbnail they seem more based on the game but that's besides the point, it's clear he made the video in relation to the movie, yet the movie came out four months ago. It already got an Honest Trailer.

Chris also opened a new Puppet Steve store (separate from the Etsy one that sells custom Lego minifigs and Fidget Spi- oh wait, those are gone now hahaha). This store sells t-shirts. Including designs like a logo, "Puppet-Tastic", "Super Awesome!" (cringe), "My Kids Love Puppet Steve" (no parent would be caught dead wearing that), "My Parents Watch Puppet Steve" (no parent would let their child wear that in public) and a forced meme "Zombie Steve, Stop Eating my Figures" (it's the worst selling shirt). Interesting to note how these are all words, with no characters on them. Perhaps someone is afraid of the giant Seattle-based corporate monster that's looming over you and could possibly shut you down at anytime?
There's also a gift card. It's the most popular item. What's weird is that the second and third most popular items are shirts for girls. Are girls a big part of Puppet Steve's audience? Perhaps he should capitalize on it by letting his step-daughter do more videos. She hasn't shown up in a long time. Perhaps he saw me praising her and didn't want her stealing the limelight? Too bad Chris, she knows more than you and she's only a kid.

I also noticed Chris added another channel to his "Featured" section. He didn't make it, it's someone called "Funky Toy Trunk". He added it because he guest-stars in a video. What is this channel? "Animated" Funko Pop videos, and I'm being generous in calling them animated because it moves like South Park. I'm feeling all that cancer.
He shows up in a video playing Funko Pop Steve as he meets... The Tick. Oh yeah, because kids today know who The Tick is. I know there's an Amazon Prime show but I doubt kids watch that.

In non-Puppet Steve news
I added this to the Lost Media Wiki:;_existence_unconfirmed;_2015)
A page about his supposed Hardcore Pawn appearance. I marked it as "Existence Unconfirmed" as Chris is the only source of this, and we know he has a history of lying. Maybe a crewman or producer could confirm if the footage exists. But as far as we know, it's all a story.

Not much on Facebook. He brings up The Last Jedi and that he thought it was confusing (no not really, it was flawed but the movie was not confusing). Along with how Will Smith is getting a YouTube channel and "the little guy" is being left behind.  I've already ranted enough about this....

So do you think Chris is ever going to make that last Game Genie video? Or is he going to abandon Chris Neo and just let it die without saying anything? We shall see. But I'm sure he'll find a scapegoat like he has before. "James Rolfe undermined me by posting about the Colecovision when I was going to do that!"

Saturday, July 7, 2018

An Atari Artbook Because Nobody is Watching

Another week goes by where he doesn't make a video, leading to a two week wait. No excuse again, and "fatherhood" is still not an excuse because he posted 13(!) Puppet Steve videos in that time. Two were about cereal. I am not kidding, even when trying to hide his past, he still does stupid things from that time.

New video, and it's not the final part of Mario Game Genie. Those videos can NOT be hard to make, just put in the code and record the results.
Instead we get: Atari VCS Video Game Art Book - History of Cartridges, Flyers, Games 2600, 7800 Chris NEO
Ah jeez that is a messy title. Trying to stuff as many trending words as possible?

Video is a little under seven minutes.

"I know I like to spend a lot of time on the NES system" Redundant. Nintendo Entertainment System System? Should have done a second take Chris.
Says they're going to check out something cool for the Atari and holds up a 7800 controller. That's false advertising, he's not looking at a game.


Claims that the Atari was one of the first systems he ever "picked up and played" I don't believe you.
He shows the book. See the cover? Now look at the thumbnail Chris chose for the video. Why didn't Chris use the book's cover? Why did he go for the controversial E.T. game? Is it part of his weird clickbait strategy? "Nobody will care if I use the cover, but if I show one of the games I reviewed in the past and one that's notable" Please, it's not like anyone is watching this.

He comments that they had "the most amazing artists" do the artwork for the covers. While showing Atari 7800 games in grayscale, which do not do a good job of showing off the artwork. Dumbass Chris, could have gone with 2600 games but instead did something stupid. As usual. Not to mention his copy of Centipede has a huge rip in it. Not even a minute in...
"If you pick up any of these titles, you'll just be blasted with it" This is referring to the "cool art". Does Chris ever look over what he writes?

Blah blah blah blah...
Oh wow he brings up History of Video Games. Good thing that's dead. Why bring that up but refuse to mention Irate Gamer by name?

Oh... I see what this video is. He's done videos like this before. All he does is skim through a book and occasionally comment on something. I know he did that with an Assassin's Creed art book.
Yeah, this isn't worth covering. I'm sorry.

I think it's safe to say that "Chris Neo" has been a bust. The views have been abysmal, he barely gets comments about the videos on Facebook, the schedule has been inconsistent, even his websites are dead. As in they've been suspended.
Why did Chris even bring this back to begin with? Apparently people have been begging for it, but now that it's back, nobody is watching. Hell, it took over a month for his Thanos video to get over 10k views. Maybe people don't like this even more boring direction? Maybe people heard that Chris is a crazy conspiracy theorist and want nothing to do with that? Who knows.

Sorry for the weak post.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

More Mario Game Genie Crap

After three weeks of no videos with no explanations to his absence, Chris finally put out a new one. It's also the promised follow-up to the last Mario Game Genie video, which he posted a month ago. Smoooooth.
He claims on his site that he can't always promise videos because of "fatherhood", and yet in the time since the stupid Thanos video, he has posted 25 Puppet Steve videos! You're lying Chris, and I don't know why. Just be truthful, say this is a hobby and you're far more dedicated to dangling keys in front of kids now.

Anyway, this one is called: Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O - Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie Hack

Thankfully it's only 5:23 (so a little under five minutes excluding the sponsorship). But that only makes me question how this took a month to get out. This can't be that hard, just type in Game Genie codes, record the results, and edit. You don't even need the console, just use an emulator (which is probably what he's been using)

I am never going to get used to the stupid glasses.
"Locked away" Again, not locked away, just rewritten code.
"I've been playing the game Super Mario Bros since 1986" Add 20 years to that.
Recaps the previous video, keeps going on about how they're hidden and locked away. Again, that's not how it works.

First code, leads to World H-1. A looping water world a/la Minus World. Woo...
 Second code, I-1. Exact same thing as 3-3 only it loops. Floating shell, "funny" reaction face.
Third code, J-1. It's the same as D-1. Why did you make this video Chris? There's nothing interesting here.
Fourth code, K-1. Looks like a standard level with weird enemy placement. "I just love finding worlds like these" You didn't find it! Seriously, this is like shit-tier Super Mario Maker trash.
"Only in these lost worlds" Ugggggh
L-1 is just 8-1
M-1 is 3-3 again. Though he claims it's World H instead of World I. Editing? What's that?
N-1 is another World 8 stage an O-1 is something from the last video. This is boring. Only morons would think this is fascinating.
He tries other combos, most of them are just levels from the game, one is a blank screen. Chris does a really weak-ass facepalm. The kind that says "It took me 40 takes to do this!"
He does one more code leading to a glitchy world. One that surprisingly doesn't crash.
And he ends the video saying there's still more to come. Oh my god make it stop! Nobody cares about this! The views certainly reflect that. They really didn't care for your stupid Thanos video either, it still hasn't reached 10,000 views. You were too late! You would have gotten tons of views if you made that within a week of Infinity War.

So how long until the last stupid Game Genie video comes out? A week? A month? Just have to wait and see.

Over on Puppet Steve, Chris still doesn't understand that Rick & Morty isn't for kids as he looks at a box of Strawberry Smiggles, a prop box from FYE (according to an Amazon review, it's all marshmallows). For those unaware, this is referencing a scene where they watch Interdimensional Cable and see a commercial for said cereal. Involving a leprechaun with rabbit ears eating Strawberry Smiggles, only for a pair of dead-eye kids to hold him down, cut open his stomach, and eat the cereal found in his entrails. Fun for kids! Chris your obsession with cereal blinds you so much.
He also did a few Incredibles II videos (one with Bowser for some reason), more FNAF bootlegs (nobody cares), a video on Crash Bandicoot mini-figures (I imagine he's never played a Crash game, especially when hack review sites freaked out over how hard it was when playing the N Sane Trilogy), and a weird video that's described as FNAF plushies fighting the Devil from Cuphead over candy. Did someone from the Elsagate crowd ghost-write that?

Buuuut that's not all, we have a ghost update! Over on Facebook, Chris got "candid" and talked about his book. How people are taking it seriously, how "the higher-ups of the ghost community" are somehow suppressing his book and keeping people from reading it, and that once all his ghost knowledge gets out, all those nasty haters are going to pay. This is just a summary, the full thing is badly-written wall of text.

Wow. You really think there's a shady group of ghost experts that are so afraid of you that they're purposely suppressing the book from getting out there? Chris, you're delusional. There's no "paranormal deep state" plotting against you. You claim this whenever things don't go you way. Like how you claimed James Rolfe was under-cutting you, or how Machinima was working against your channel. There's nobody trying to hide your book, you're just an asshole and a terrible author. By chance someone finds your book on Amazon, they'll read the reviews and find the more helpful ones are negative. Or they'll learn about your book on TVTropes' "So Bad It's Horrible" page, which gives a nice little summary about how much of an egotistical little shitbird you are.

Chris, give up on the ghosts. There's nothing there, and if there was, someone much smarter than you would have figured it out.

See you when I see you.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Puppet Steve Tries to Tap Into the E3 "Hype"

You guys have a good E3? I did at least.
Excited that Kingdom Hearts III finally has a release date. It's been five and a half years... I should replay the PS4 collections in preparation
Absolutely elated that the true Tales of Vesperia is finally coming over, and it's not exclusive. Yes, that one Namco.
I'm actually excited for an Assassin's Creed game. It looks different enough that I'm interested. Hope it doesn't suck.
No idea what Babylon's Fall will be, but more titles from PlatinumGames are always good.
September is gonna break me with Dragon Quest XI and Spider-Man.
Death Stranding... I think I have an idea of what it is? Though Sony's lack of release dates for a lot of their big titles is worrisome... Like their treatment of crossplay.
And of course, the showstopper that is Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Which is the subject of today's post!

Instead of Chris using his established gamer persona to talk about E3, he uses Puppet Steve instead. Oh good...
Posted last night. At least he was actually timely about it.
Super Smash Bros Ultimate Nintendo Switch E3 Full Reveal! Complete Roster New Fighters Amiibo 2018

Of course he's gotta stick that amiibo in there. Because fuck the actual game.
It's six minutes long. ... Okay.

Fake over-excitement. His wobbly table has a bunch of amiibo on it. Why not a Nintendo Swi- oh wait I don't think he even has a Switch. Too much money spent on FNAF crap I imagine.
Of course this is gonna be about CHARACTERS! And he claims they added a ton of new ones. No they didn't, they only added three (so far). Inkling, Daisy, and Ridley.
Apparently the first "new" character is the Pokemon Trainer, who he refers to as Ash Ketchum. That's not Ash, that's Red. He's very different, in that he's competent. Also, he's not a new character, he's returning from Brawl.
"You can play as all kinds of Pokemon like Charizard, Ivysaur, Squirtle, and more" Uhh no, just those three. Pokemon Trainer can only control those three. There are other Pokemon in the game, but they're not controlled by the trainer. They stand alone. Unless that's what you mean, but you're not very good at conveying your points.
Brings up the Inkling. "This brings in a lot of fun because you can play as the girl or the boy! Oh yes!" ... You have a weird idea of fun.
"There are over 8 different characters you can play in all?" As he shows all the Inkling variations. Those aren't new characters, they're different costumes. There is only one Inkling, and you can change their costume to fit your preference, or if you do an 8-player battle with only Inklings. How do you not get this?

And he continues to think there's "more characters" because of the Villager and how there's 8 different ones. Again, costumes. He also thinks they "added" this. No, this was in the last game. I know damn well you played the last game, I saw that video. You can't possibly be this ignorant. Yet somehow he is.
He's also surprised at female Pikachus. Yes Chris, gendered Pokemon have been thing since Gen 2, and the heart-tail has been a thing since Gen 4. You'd know this if you were an actual Pokemon fan and not just pretending to be one.
At least he brings up the actual other new characters with Daisy and Ridley. Doesn't say much. Just that Daisy's Toad is blue compared to Peach's red Toad and that Ridley is going to kick butt.

And then... he proceeds to list every character. Over 60 of them. Why? Just why?
He mispronounces Ryu of course... doing the RYE-YOO pronunciation.
As well as Lucina, saying it as "Lucinda".
Palutena is mispronounced. That might just be an accent thing though.
What's weird is that he considers Sonic, Pac-Man and Mega Man as guest fighters, but lists Ryu and Bayonetta as if they're Nintendo characters and not guests. Capcom and Sega characters Chris. It's not hard.
He finally stops, drops a "super cool"

And then he shows the release date of December 7th, while saying September. You edited this Chris. You edited this and (hopefully) did multiple takes. How did you screw that up? It's right there on the screen!

He brings up the new Final Smashes. "Sonic turns into his golden form" Which he could always do since Brawl, only now it's a lot faster.
The only thing he says about the stages is the "graphically upgrades". Nothing about how they're all getting Battlefield variants. Though that would require Chris to understand the intricacies of this series, and he never will.
"Link's got his blue suit" That's the Champion's Tunic from Breath of the Wild, making it very clear you haven't bothered to play that. Then again, what's the point when there's crappy toys to show off?

"EASTER EGGS" Uh huh...
He talks about Assist Trophies, acting like they're new. Nope, been a thing since Brawl.
"Waluigi, Knuckle Joe, the Pac-Man Ghosts" None are new, all have been in past games.
"Protoman and Bass" Not assist trophies, just a part of Mega Man's Final Smash now. Also, he mispronounces Bass. He pronounces it like the fish, not the guitar. Yes I know Mega Man 8 uses the fish way but it's clearly meant to coincide with the musical motif the series has.
Lists more... I'm surprised he brought up Jeff from Earthbound. That seems like something way too obscure for him.
Of course he gushes over Bomberman as an assist trophy, and is annoyed he's not playable. My informant told me he also mentions that on Facebook and still wants Simon Belmont too. Wonder if he still thinks they're Nintendo characters.

Onto the amiibo. He just wants more.
Well there will be more, we know Inkling, Ridley and Daisy are confirmed. No word on the returning fighters but I imagine we'll see them.
He also wants new poses. Oh fuck nooooooo. At most we'll get reprints of the original Smash line. Not to mention a lot of these characters have "different poses" from different lines. Link has like 10 different amiibo.
He also believe there will be a lot more characters announced. Did you not pay attention to what Sakurai said? He said there won't be a lot of new additions, because the roster is already massive. 68 characters already. At most we'll probably get up to 70.

Yeah that was dumb. Could have shaved like 3 minutes without the padding and if he did proper research and realized many of those "new characters" aren't new or even characters. I'm just amazed at the ignorance. God I hope kids aren't getting information from this...

Think "Chris Neo" will do E3 coverage? We'll see. He inexplicably skipped last week. If there's a reason I didn't hear it from my informant.

But man, Puppet Steve is a mess of a channel. Before the Smash video, he spammed NINE FNAF videos. Are you serious?! It must be paying off for him to do that. Does YouTube still do the audience retention thing? Spamming videos only works if the audience watches each one all the way through (and DarkSideDave still doesn't get that).
His latest is a video on Minecraft Fun...ko... Pop. Oooooh god, that's like 20 different kinds of cancerous cringe. I don't think so.

Enjoy the rest of E3 everyone.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Striking the Infinity War Iron... A Month After It Came Out

So much for more Mario Game Genie crap. Probably next week.
Instead, time to cash-in on the Avengers: Infinity War hype! What do you mean it came out last month and almost everyone knows how it ends?
Leave it to Chris to be late to the party.
For the few people that haven't seen Infinity War and still want to, spoilers are ahead.

This week's video is only three and a half minutes long, that's a relief.
THANOS Destroys the Video Game Universe! Avengers Infinity War Gauntlet Battle 

Not sure why Thanos is in all caps... well click-bait.
In fact, I saw the title this morning and it was worse. It didn't have the "video game" part, just said "destroys the universe" (even though Thanos only took out half the universe). The title also had Fortnite in it. Someone must have called him out on that one, then he deleted the comment and changed it pretending like it never happened. It's the conspiracy shitbag way!
EDIT: Or maybe it did say "Video Game Universe". I just know Fortnite was there before and now it's gone. Twas a busy day.

Description says he's "trying out something new". Uh oh...
It also says "Thank you for watching the Chris NEO Retro Show" Retro? Where did this come from? Also, isn't that an oxymoron? I assume the word "Neo" in this case means "new", and yet all you've talked about is old games. Now you're calling yourself "Chris Neo Retro"? What the hell are you?

Video opens, gives a spoiler warning, claims Thanos had an impact on reality and the real world but also had one on the gaming world. Then he does an over-acting "WUUT?"

He mentions how he saw "The Infinity War" (it's called Avengers: Infinity War, you're likely confusing it with the 1992 comic that served as a sequel to The Infinity Gauntlet comic which A:IW took its inspiration)
After seeing it, he returned home and decided to play Maximum Carnage. ... As you do?
Starting it up, Spider-Man doesn't show up in the game. He believes because Spider-Man died in the movie, he was wiped out from the game. This is already stupid!
He puts in Arcade's Revenge (not a good game) and he's gone from that.
Then he freaks out because Thanos may have wiped out characters in other games. So he grabs a bunch of random NES games off his shelf. Look at all this tension! Pffffft

"It was then that I put in Super Mario Bros. for the NES" You don't have to narrate, you're not a Jojo character.
He beats Bowser and finds that Toad is gone. Then he voices Mario wondering where he is. Duuuumb. At least he said Toad's name right for once.
Then he goes to Super Mario Bros. 2 and finds Toad is gone there.
Then he goes to Paperboy and the title character is gone. Then a stupid bit where two neighbors wonder where the paperboy is and a break-dancer in the streets is run over with a car. ARE YOU LAUGHING YET?
Then he goes to Mortal Kombat (because Chris' knowledge of video games is so very limited) and somehow Thanos wiped out "the announcer". You mean Shang Tsung? He was the announcer of the first game. It gets worse because he's playing in the stage where Tsung is clearly in the background. Also his voices for Scorpion and Johnny Cage are terrible.

Then Donkey Kong, there's no more Pauline (Chris couldn't bother to learn her name). More terrible Mario voices.
Then Sonic & Knuckles (not Sonic 3 and Knuckles, just the expansion) where there's no Knuckles
Then Pac-Man with no Pac-Man, with a dumb bit where two of the ghosts leave to get ice cream (Zzzzzz)
Then TMNT on NES with Leonardo, Donatello and Michelangelo gone, only Raphael is left. Get it because Raphael sucks in that game. Hur hur hur hur hur hur hurfaksrjef;likesrf;laekrj;lka

"Wait a minute, what about the Duck Hunt Dog?" The one you already killed in the finale of Irate Gamer? Thanos can't kill what's already dead. Unless he reverses time and reality first but you killed the dog already.
He starts playing... with the NES controller. Where's your fucking Zapper? You can't play Duck Hunt with the controller! Did you put any thought into this video?
Anyway the dog survived and that's the joke...
He begs the Avengers to stop Thanos and save the "gaming world". Oh fuck this noise.

What a pointless video. Can't even cash in on the Avengers hype because it's over a month old. And don't tell me "It took him long time to edit", a lot of these were really easy edits! Basic shit you learn in a school course. Hell the Mortal Kombat example didn't even need editing, he just muted sound! The TMNT one was easy, he just killed off the other three Turtles first. It's not like How It Should Have Ended which actually needs time to animated, or Honest Trailers which needs the full movie.

One of the comments Chris liked (the little heart symbol that puts the comments on top) comes off really sarcastic. "Wow this was unique. Nobody has brought this up on YouTube. Good job!"
Somehow Chris could not see the obvious snark. Goes to show how dumb he really is.

Are we sure this wasn't a Puppet Steve video he somehow mixed in here? It was just as juvenile.
Speaking of *goes to check* More FNAF, more Bendy, more Minecraft, wait Mortal Kombat? *thumbnail has Steve wearing a Raiden hat* Yeah I'm not touching that.

EDIT: Also to add how lazy this video was, he didn't even bother to do the fading effect. He's just showing the aftermath. That's boring! 

Sunday, May 27, 2018

No Game Genie Can Save These Dull Videos

I left that warning about going out of town as I had foolishly assumed Chris would actually release something. I should have known better by now. In fact, these last two videos weren’t even released on Friday, but Saturday.

We got two videos over ten minutes long about Mario. Why did I wait until now? Heard that it was a two-parter. In fact, my informant already told me that this is a three-parter, but I better get started now or else I’ll never see the whole thing.

First video. The title is “Super Mario Bros 1, 2, and 3 NES Controversy! Plus World 9-1 Hack?! Chris NEO Nintendo Retro Show”
Look at that glorious click bait! Only a step away from “SCANDAL”. All that InfoWars is sure paying off, too bad you can’t say the same from those 20 water filters you bought.

Considering the format of “Chris Neo” has been more boring lately, I think I’m done with timestamps. Especially when there’s long stretches of nothing. I’ll basically point out the bad bits and if there’s something really bad I’ll mention a specific time.

Video opens with him calling Super Mario Bros a game that changed the industry forever. Here we go…

He notes how kids all know Mario, but don’t know how big an impact the first game had. They don’t really care. Here’s your problem with history videos Chris, you hyper-focus on one thing when there isn’t enough to talk about. I think kids would be more interested in the history of Nintendo or the Mario series in general instead of just one game, and it’s not a game that had a tumultuous development like Sonic 06.

“Super Mario Bros is a very iconic game” And Chris wonders why nobody takes him seriously…
He pulls a “kids these days” claiming that kids won’t get why it’s a big deal. Guys, I think Chris is having a mid-life crisis.
Blah blah blah nothing else like it. See, I don’t feel the passion. That’s why Chris fails.

He brings up the video game crash while showing stock footage of him playing Centipede. Okay here’s the thing about the crash, it only affected the console market. Arcades and computers were perfectly fine. Just want to bring that up.
He goes on about how all the games back then were “repetitious”. Only if you looked at Arcade games. Computers had games like Ultima and Wizardry, expansive (at the time) RPGs that weren’t confined to a single screen like Dig Dug or Ms. Pac-Man (his examples).

He mentions how he got his NES on his birthday in 1986 (November) and the two games he got were Ghosts n’ Goblins and Super Mario Bros. He takes this time to once again bring up how Ghosts n’ Goblins sucked. It’s getting the point where the line between Bores and parody videos is blurring (this is like a moment in a Third Rate Gamer video).
Wait hold on. *double checks* What about Duck Hunt, Popeye and Mach Rider? In your “First 5 Video Games I owned on the NES” video, you mentioned those three in-between Super Mario Bros and Ghosts n’ Goblins. In fact you claimed that you exchanged Mach Rider for Ghosts n’ Goblins! Which is the truth Chris?

He gushes over how at the time all these aspects we take for granted were “so new and exciting”. Who are you targeting?
He gushes about how there’s more than four levels. This is really stupid.
“More secrets to discover!” What is with all this obvious shit?

And then I reached a moment that somewhat broke me. At around 4:04 Chris belts out a “Very cool!” with an inflection similar to Mike, Jay and Rich of RedLettterMedia during their “Nerd Crew” segment. Only without the complete irony those three deliver it in. Chris is reaching the level of vapid seen on IGN, Collider and Screen Junkies.

Blah blah blah world 3...
Mentions how you can move “outside the level”. Claiming it took him ages to find out you can do that in World 1-2. This is boring…

After about five minutes of gushing, he moves onto Super Mario Bros. 2. This should be brief since he already talked about it 11 years ago. … Right? Not much to say here?

He starts of saying that people missed the point of his original review. Oh really? Then please enlighten us as to the “real meaning”.
And he proceeds to repeat the exact same points he made in his video. About how it’s different and thus bad. Oh wait no it’s still “iconic” but it’s different so it’s bad. For fuck’s sake…
He even recycles footage from the first review.
And then goes on about how it’s really Doki Doki Panic. Okay, here’s something that needs to be brought up about that game. Doki Doki Panic is a licensed game. The characters are based on Fuji TV’s “Dream Factory” event, an expo that showed off upcoming TV shows, and the four featured in the game were mascots for the 1987 event. They legally can’t release it outside of Japan. If anything, Nintendo made the right choice to redo the game with Mario characters since the game itself is good. Nintendo has always had a “gameplay first, characters later” policy. Splatoon was almost a Mario game. The Wonderful 101 was almost a sister-series to Smash Bros.
I’ve heard people in Japan actually prefer “Super Mario USA” over Doki Doki (likely because the Mario version added some improvements like a run button even if it sacrificed saving).

Chris, what are you doing? No seriously, what are you doing? This is like the fifth time you’ve recycled an old video. TMNT comics, RoboCop on NES, Rayman Legends, Fruity Yummy Mummy, are you that creatively bankrupt that you need to keep recycling old ideas? Hell you keep going back to ghosts even though you lose money every time you do, you even admitted that! Is this why you do Puppet Steve? Because you don’t have even try with that one? “HEY KIDS look at this cool shit I got! I have this toy you fucking want and I can have it because I’m an adult with money! Even though I waste it on stupid paranormal shit! I’m so smrt kids! Be like Puppet Steve!”

“It didn’t make sense” Why not? Back then, a lot of NES sequels radically changed things. Zelda II was a side-scrolling RPG with high difficulty, Castlevania II had non-linear exploration (an early precursor of the Metroidvania style), Final Fantasy II had individual stat-leveling, Fire Emblem Gaiden had random encounters, this happened all the time on both sides of the world.

Okay he kept it brief. He moves onto Super Mario Bros. 3.
Goes on and on about how hard it was to find back then and there was no Amazon and eBay. This really does feel like a mid-life crisis video…
At around 6:56, he runs into a pipe with a fireball spitting Piranha Plant, and gets hit with no attempt at dodging it. FFL2and3Rocks came out of hiding to point that out in the comments with a sarcastic “Good job!”.

More “iconic”. There was this show on Sci-Fi around 2010 called Hollywood Treasure, a reality show that followed a group that auctioned off notable movie props. The head of the group had a bad habit of calling just about everything he saw “iconic”. It was like drinking game levels of usage.

“It was the perfect successor to Super Mario Bros 1!” Oh hey he got it right this time! Also, that wasn’t why Super Mario Bros 3 was “iconic”. People loved the first two games (and didn’t care 2 was different), it was advertised in The Wizard, and people overall loved Mario. They still do, Super Mario Odyssey sold millions.
“What made things even worst” … Did I hear that right? It sounded like he said “worst” instead of “worse”
Anyway he complains that magazines got exclusive access back then. So nothing has changed. Why not show these magazines instead of more gameplay footage? That would make the video more interesting.
He gushes about the “easter eggs” (he means secrets) that are “just like the first installment”. Mario 2 had secrets too. Mostly warp zones but they were there. Then again, when he said “easter egg” he showed footage of Mario getting a mushroom so I guess his concept of “hidden secrets” is vastly different from EVERYONE ELSE!

“The warps were back!”
They were in 2! Ugh you are so terrible at this!

After about 8 minutes, he gets to the point of the video’s title. He takes out his best friend, the Game Genie.

Time for some over-acting! He shows off World 9-1 in all its glitch-y glory.
Are we supposed to be impressed? Super Mario Bros was easy to manipulate with Game Genie…
“I didn’t know this level was just sitting in this game here” It wasn’t. The Game Genie messes around with assets and features to make a hodge-podge of a level. Nintendo DID NOT MAKE THIS LEVEL! They actually have skilled level designers that understand the side-scroller (after playing Super Mario Maker, I have a greater appreciation for them). Nintendo would never make a level with off-colors and swimming in the sky.

“Of course we love the neon colors!” *lowers his glasses* Get rid of those! They’re not cool! You’re a moron!

The inevitable happens and the level freezes. What did you expect? It’s not something that’s meant to be.
“Locked somewhere in this game” It’s not locked! Ugh, you don’t know anything.
And the video is over, with him saying that he’ll look at more Game Genie shit next time. Hoo boy…
And of course, sponsorship! I can’t imagine these guys can support you forever.

And so, one week later, we get to Part 2.

The title this time “Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World Hack A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie”
Weird cross-promotion with the Letter People I mean Alphabet Bunch.

Interestingly, both videos are the exact same length. No idea if Chris planned this, but knowing his ego, he’ll claim that he did.
Thumbnail is also terrible looking. Chris’ floating head is wearing two of those stupid glasses. Barf.

Video opens, claims he made “huge waves” in the last episode and that this one will “blow your mind”. No. No it won’t. Also when he says that last part, it zooms in on each word. Where did you learn editing?

And now for the biggest lie of the video. Chris claims he never found any of this anywhere else on the internet. Nope. There’s videos, there’s forum posts, look up Game Genie codes and all of them are widely available and ready to use. You are full of shit Chris. So much shit. How you can even stand up-right without being weighed down by all the shit you’re full of is a miracle of science.

See, he’s even using a book as his guide. He acts like in the 28 years since the Game Genie was introduced, nobody has done a video about this.

“This Matrix thing”
That’s a VERY thin connection to the Matrix. Random lines of code do not make it that.
Showing off…
We then get the reason for the stupid thumbnail. He finds a world where things are doubled, then it cuts him wearing two glasses and he says “Now that’s what I call double vision.” My head hurts…

He continues to claim World 9 is “hidden”. For fuck’s sake!
I know the book says “Lost Levels” but they’re not. They’re hacked levels made with the existing assists and code. Chris is just dumb enough to believe that because he’s dumb enough to worship Alex Jones and believe in ghosts.
“How come I’ve never heard of this?” Shut up.

Still calls Koopa Troopas “turtles”. Yep…
Wow this is boring. Like this level isn’t even that exciting and Chris’ commentary is just “Hey look at the thing”.
Oh god, more “I’ve never seen this” lies. Pointing out how the codes are similar with only one letter. Yeah that’s kind of code works in simple games like this. You just alter something slightly for different effects. This isn’t new stuff Chris.

He tries to act like he “figured something out” when puts P in the code and goes to World A, and acts like he solved it. Bullshit we know you looked this up. You’re not smart.

Shows off another hacked world…
Shows off another hacked world fuck this is boring
“Yep, just thrilling” You can’t call it boring when you’re being boring.

Shows off a hacked world that kills you instantly. “What a drop of douche bag!” … What? Also when he says that, the sound is muffled. Why has the sound been so bad in these videos?

Shows off another hacked world that’s similar to a previous one but doesn’t explain why. Then he edits in Ms. Pac-Man out of nowhere. Back to the shit gags of old.

Gets to what I hope is the last hacked world (since it’s G and G is the last letter in the title), and it’s exactly like World 1-2. Until he gets to the warp zone and goes down a pipe to Minus World.
Chris then goes on about how “smug” it is that it doesn’t need a letter. Dude, that’s Minus World, that’s a legendary glitch! How do you not know this? Oh right, Bores…

Shows off another hacked world, this one is somehow so glitchy that Mario moves on his own.
“No wonder they don’t call him Jumpman anymore” There’s two minutes left…

Shows off another one, this one doesn’t freeze when you progress, instead it has multiple levels.
He gets to the third and runs into Bowser, refers to him as King Koopa even though in the last video he was Bowser, and then gets killed. “Gosh damn it!” … Why? Just why?
“Damn Bowser” Wait, you’re calling him both? Pick one!

He shows off more hacked world and the video ends. But not before saying that next week is even more fucking Game Genie. It looks like Bores found his FNAF. Even though it gets nowhere near the amount of views. Oh god what’s going to happen when the FNAF movie comes out? I mean, I know there’s going to be like 40 Puppet Steve videos, but will Chris be crazy enough to do FNAF content on Irate G- I mean “Chris Neo”? If there’s views involved…

Yeah these were really boring. Nothing mind-blowing, just lazy click bait. I remember seeing a video on the Game Genie from someone much better, RinryGameGame. Looked her up and learned she hasn’t made a video in years. That’s a shame…
Chris clearly has no love or passion for this. It feels more like an obligation at this point. To who though? His sponsor? The small amount of people that still watch? His mid-life crisis?

If next week’s stupid video leads into a Part 4, I’ll wait for that. Otherwise I’ll write a post about Part 3.

Over on Puppet Steve, more Bendy, more FNAF, more Cuphead, and now he’s doing toys based on Hello Neighbor. I didn’t even realize that was popular enough to get toys. I only know of that game from Vinesauce when Vinny plays shitty Android games and plays a whole bunch of rip-offs.

And that’s it for me.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Update: Out of Town This Weekend

Hey just want to let you know that I'll be out of town this weekend so if Bores posts something worth talking about in that time, don't expect a post on it for a while.

Thank you.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Next Level Shilling. When Standard Shilling Isn't Enough

Holy shit... Infinity War you guys. Infinity War.

Alright, I think I'm down from the Marvel high. New video from Bores.
Thankfully it's short. Only 4 minutes long.

It's actually a "continuation" of the crappy mini-arcade toys he looked at a couple weeks ago. The ones that promise an arcade game but really give you an NES port. Money well spent!

Interesting that in the thumbnail, he's not wearing his stupid glasses. But in the video he is. Does he think removing the glasses will help with views?

Video opens and he claims it's about a special set of arcade cabinets he was granted exclusive access to at ToyFair, and "nobody else was". Oh that is sooooo bullshit. You are not important enough to have "impossibly exclusive access" like that. Not even as Puppet Steve, you're not that important.

"They won't let anyone take photographs or video except for me" Okay I'm going to just spoil it. He's lying. Shaolin Dave actually found a photo from the site taken by Anthony Parisi showing the exact same arcade cabinets Chris is gushing about. You can find the photos (and many others) right over here.

The cabinets include Street Fighter II Championship Edition, Space Invaders, Centipede, Asteroids, Rampage, but again this is not exclusive. Chris is full of shit.
Oh I should also mention that cabinets have other games built in. 

Chris also can't pronounce Strider. Saying it "Strid-o". Don't tell me that's an accent thing, because it is not.

He refers to a trackball as a "rollerball". Yeah...

Oh and here's the dumbest part. These things plan to retail at $399 a piece. This is like targeted to nerds with too much money. The type that would spend a small fortune at an auction for a movie prop. Chris, why are you talking about this shit? Other than a desperate plea to show how "oldschool" and "nostalgic" you are when you aren't fooling anybody!
Is he trying to fill a niche that barely exists?

I can't imagine Chris can keep this up for too long. The views on "Chris Neo" have been abysmal. And I can't imagine that his sponsorship with RetroGameTreasure is that lucrative.
He could always double down on more Puppet Steve again. Talking about... FNAF cereal. Is this what you really want from life Chris?

Anyway, something more important to bring up. A follow-up on takedown of the Opening Up Documentary.

The good news is that it's back up. On Ben's own site: You can watch it here.
And since it's his own site, Chris has no power. I've also heard there's mirrors of it on YouTube.

Of course that's not all. A guy named Alec Krueger decided to confront Bores on Facebook about the original takedown. Here's the entire back and forth conversation that has since been removed because Chris is a coward.

It's a bit of a long one but worth reading.
It tells me that Chris has no idea how the video takedown process works. He somehow believes YouTube agrees with him. No... it's an automated process that takes the video down no matter what, and it's up to the uploader to appeal it and then YouTube will review it. They simply took it down because they're afraid of getting sued.

I don't think Chris will allow Ben's original upload back. Thankfully the mirrors of it exist, including the one at his site as posted above.

But just know Chris, you can't escape criticism forever. You can try and hide in your bubble, but it will burst, and the ugliness of reality will swarm in like locusts.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

A Video on Deadly Towers That's Somehow Worse Than Deadly Towers

Long week, but hey one more week to Avengers.

Chris posted an 11 minute 39 second video. Granted, he already bragged it would be this long.
He stated that this is something he wanted to cover since 2007. I knew of at least two different games it could have been. One was Deadly Towers, which he said in a comment on one of his earliest videos (it’s long gone but can be found on a video from the thee3nd), or one of the Simpsons NES games which he mentioned back in his review of the 2007 game.

Turns out the first guess was right, it’s a “review” of Deadly Towers. He also claimed that this video was “30 years in the making”. Yeah I don’t buy that.

Let’s begin

Video opens, he states he’s going to look at a video game he played all the time in his youth (pfft) and it just “pissed him off”. So you played a game “all the time” even though it made you mad? It’s not even like it’s a good hard game like Ghosts n Goblins or Contra, it’s Deadly Towers, what many agree is one of the worst NES games. Are you a masochist or just a liar?

Into the intro… let’s talk about the intro actually.
Reader YouTubed brought it to my attention that this same intro is used by a channel called Blue Television Games. Only real difference is the logo at the end of it. It’s not stolen from him, but rather it’s from a site that sells digital assets for use. Similar to Chris using Digital Juice for all his music. Bores eventually revealed to reader Silent Spring that it came from a site called Envato, while calling Spring an idiot (I guess Bores was channeling DarkSydePhil for that response).

Still, it shows that the one thing I do praise about his show is just something that continues to show how unoriginal he really is. Always a catch to these things.

He starts going on about how much he hates the game and every time he played it there were “bugs”, citing the controls and “hardness factor”. Those aren’t bugs, those are overall issues with the game. It’s not “bugged sword throwing mechanics”.

“I wanted to review this for the first season of my previous show” Previous show? Just say Irate Gamer.
And he confesses he’s using an NES Max for the turbo function. Already a dishonest review.

More dishonesty as it becomes very clear he’s using an emulator. The game is far too clean looking, there’s a filter in use. If he was actually playing on an NES, it would look a lot more pixel-y. So the scene of him putting the game in the console and going on about his need for turbo? Lies! Emulators have built-in turbo anyway. Already this review is a waste.

He comments that the logo doesn’t tell you it’s a medieval game. Then what does it tell you? And what would a logo for a medieval game look like? Hello?
He goes over the story… not much there…
Gives his first complaint about the controls being janky, and how going diagonal is counter-productive. Hmm, wonder where he stole that complaint from. It’s too clever for Bores.
Then stupid joke time as he claims he can’t “walk around a medieval” town in his glasses, so he puts on… the same glasses but a different color. Ugggh enough with the fucking glasses! They’re not funny!

He plays some more, gets knocked into another room, complains about the abundance of enemies, then at one point his audio quality suddenly shifts. Was this something added late? He suddenly sounds completely different!
Notes how the game lags with many enemies on screen. Wow, Chris actually bringing up a technical problem. Let’s see how he ruins it.

He dies, and is thankful there’s “a PASSword system”. Yeah weird emphasis on the “pass”.
Doesn’t understand the need for a password this early, more about enemies, complains killing them takes too long. Goes up to one and says to count how many hits it takes, it’s in fast-motion but it looks like 10. But for “comedy” I guess he says it’s 30. Either that or he’s doing more manipulation like Super Mario Bros. 2

Dies falling into a pit.

Blah blah blah, finds the shop, complains that it’s too early to buy things (no it isn’t), leaves, immediately dies. Bored.

Complains about Prince Myer just beaming in and wonders if he’s coming from the Enterprise. It’s called NES limitations Chris.

Right now things just aren’t interesting. He’s just dying a lot.

Finds a dungeon… dies some more… finds another dungeon that he probably read about in a guide
More dying, finds a dragon, beats it (with fast-forwarding), dies again…
Kills an enemy, and th- OH COME ON that death was clearly on purpose! I know Deadly Towers controls like crap but that was clearly you walking off the edge! I see we’re not past pretending to be harder than it really is.

Boring… complains about an enemy, calls the screens “boards” (*rolls eyes*), finds another mini-boss, beats it but then dies. More dying… more dying…

Then he face palms and “dies” in a way similar to the game. Yep, back to these types of jokes too. How exactly is this a rebrand outside of being more boring and those stupid glasses?

He then reveals the point in the game that he claims was “as far as he got” as a kid. Uh huh, sure. He cries “30 years!” and how he wants to see the ending really bad. VGMuseum could help with that. You know the site exists since you stole the images of the Aladdin ending from them.
But no, he’s just saying that to justify his cheating. With Game Genie. Or rather he opens the cheats menu in his emulator.

He then reaches the area where all the towers are. He plays the Pac-Man death sound for some reason. He’s mad that they put all the tower entrances in one place. Meh…

Boring… boring… boring… I can’t really say much he’s just explaining what’s going on. I’m sure there’s something wrong somewhere but nobody really cares about Deadly Towers. And I don’t really care for this video.

Beats a boss, gets the bell, travels back down, you know this isn’t very exciting when you’re invincible.
More forced anger, and then a dumb joke where he says the game’s full title should be “Deadly Towers Deadly Enemies Deadly Controls Deadly Dungeons Deadly Green Fuzzy Monsters That Make No Sense in the Middle Ages” The only one that applies is controls, the rest rings hollow when you’re cheating. Sorry, but once he brought in Game Genie, the rest of this video is just a mishmash of droning noise.

More climbing, then he shows all the bosses, giving a lot of them random names. I’m sure they’re references to some shitty 80’s show that only he cares about.
Has all the bells, and goes to throw them into the fire. He then complains about having to do all that work for the bells just to have a “kumbaya campfire”. Dude, the game tells you to burn the bells. You even mention this when going over the story. Pay attention to your own fucking script! If you have one, I’m still doubting you do.

Backtracks to the start, goes to the right to a now open door, he drops “30 years” again (stop) and finds it’s another tower. He gets to the top, beats the final boss (calling his second form bear heads when they look more like lions), and praises the game for having an ending. You really get hung up on video game endings way too much Chris.

The game tells him “You are victorious” and Chris says “Great, compared to a Nickelodeon pop star”. You do realize that word has existed long before that show right? Wait, I thought Nickelodeon was the devil now? You know, after you freaked out over seeing the Eye of Providence at the Kids Choice Awards to the point that you won’t let your step-kids watch it? Is this more of that hypocrisy you oh so relish in? I think it is!

He turns off the emulator I MEAN takes the game out of the console.
He cries about “30 years” again, and flaccidly drops the game out of his hand. Video ends, followed by sponsorship.

Booooooring! How the hell did this last 11 minutes? It feels like there was six minutes of content at most. Is this Chris’ strategy now? Be so boring that people won’t notice that it actually sucks? I don’t know, it just feels like my brain has melted and I need to play something good.

But first, some things I need to bring up.

If you haven’t heard by now, Channel Awesome (the home of The Nostalgia Critic and once home to many other reviewers) has basically imploded on itself. Through a combination of former contributor grievances, an egoistically prideful CEO that refuses to give a proper apology, the majority of contributors leaving the site in droves (including Linkara) leaving only Brad Jones and Larry Bundy Jr (who admits he’s only staying as a joke now), accidentally outing that someone was a sexual predator, and just a whole shitstorm of “how not to run a business”, Channel Awesome has basically died and is now just a shambling zombie. All this could have been avoided had they just properly apologized but noooooooo….

Chris decided to take this opportunity for a victory lap! First he claims “I haven’t watched any of them”, but then realized that’s not good enough, and started playing the victim card crying about how “they deserve it because they made fun of me! They made fun of me just for making videos!” No Chris, that’s not why they, or anyone else, made fun of you. They made fun of you because your videos suck, you refuse to learn from your mistakes, you are not funny, your jokes and humor come across as childish and predictable. That is why current and former Channel Awesome contributors made fun of you. It had nothing to do with you “making videos”, that’s just your mental gymnastics trying to justify why people don’t like you. Because surely it has nothing to do with the fact you’re an unpleasant person that poses as his own mother to deflect criticism, and at one point false-flagged any video that was critical of you off of YouTube.

Speaking of false-flagging…
Way back in January 2017, Ben Phillips created “Opening Up: An Irate Gamer Documentary”. A video that showcases the many contradictions and lies featured in Chris’ 39 minute “Opening Up” video. For the longest time, it was one of the first results people would get when searching “Irate Gamer”. Not anymore, and you want to know why? Because Chris Bores flagged it with a copyright strike! Not even using Y2B Productions or any other fake company. Literally just “a copyright claim by Chris Bores” The video was here, but now it's gone. You can see the copyright claim.

*clap clap clap* Wow, 10 years later and you’re still doing the same shitty things. You haven’t learned a thing have you? You’re still the same crybaby from 2008 that couldn’t handle people being critical of your crappy videos. I thought you would at least grow out of that habit. But I was wrong, you are still an awful person Chris. You going to pose as mommy again and come crying here about how wrong we are? How we all have daddy issues or something? Quit pretending to be your mom.

Everyone, you are now free to make videos critical of Bores, and if he false flags you, fight him on it. He has no right to flag any videos like that. It only further shows how insecure he truly is.
I will further update you on this as I learn more.

Thank you all for reading.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Even a Rebrand Doesn't Stop Recycled Content

*wakes up*
*sees cavalcade of internet drama*
*goes back to sleep*
*gets alert from informant that Bores posted something*

Got a near six minute video this time. Some tiny arcade cabinets.
The thumbnail is terrible. Chris is eating a clearly fake hamburger, like he couldn't go to Burger King or something to pick up a real burger for this thumbnail? What kind of low effort crap is this?
He really wants to emphasize that he's talking about BurgerTime.

Intro, "retro gamers", shmup opening...
Jeez, he's wearing the stupid glasses throughout the video. Are people telling him the glasses are cool? They're not.
He thinks these things are a good way to play arcade classics. Are they? They look tiny, and hard to use. Are they for kids?
He admires the accuracy to the original cabinet. "I don't know how they did it" ... They looked at the cabinet  and copied it? He wonders how they got the art. Likely a deal with G-Mode, the company that owns the rights to BurgerTime. This isn't rocket science!
More admiration, more "cool"
"The sausage that tries to kill you" That's actually a hot dog. The enemies are called Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Pickle and Mr. Egg.

"These things take four AAA batteries, SUPER COOL" First of all, those are AA batteries, AAA batteries are much skinnier. Second, that is not "super cool" in any way! That's a lot of batteries, and since you have three of these things that's 12. That seems like a waste.
"You can turn the volume up and down which is super cool" Stop saying "super cool". Is it a verbal tic now or something?

"I pretty much have a love-hate relationship with this game because it is so (pointless pause) DIFFICULT" Not really. I mean, the original arcade version maybe since it costs quarters to play and adds a psychological effect that demands you do well or you waste your money. I can't imagine this version since you likely get infinite continues. And even then the game isn't THAT hard, only in later stages.
Chris admits he could only get to the second level. Wow... you suck.

He plays... cries about how tough it is (even though he's not dying a lot)... tries to remember when it was made, claims '83 (actually '82, a year off)....
"It came at the tail end of the video game crash" Chris you do realize that the crash only affected home consoles right? Arcades were safe.

He complains about the aspect ratio, that it should be taller. I should mention this isn't the original arcade version, it's the NES port. Making it "taller" wouldn't help. Also, that makes this a total rip-off. It promises the arcade version, but you don't get that. Going to mention that Chris? Then again, he thinks people wouldn't tell the difference between two versions of Ghosts n' Goblins.
He also complains that the marquee doesn't light, and thinks that it would drive the price up if it did. No not really, this just looks cheaply made.

He moves onto Bad Dudes. He tries to act nostalgic, how he played it at a pizza place. It's not working.
He laments that there's no multiplayer. No shit, that thing can barely fit your hands, much less two.
And then... oh wow. He states that a big reason he loves this game is that it was co-op (or "two players at the same time"  as he often puts it) and that "it was very rare to find games like that". No it wasn't! Contra came out a year before, Rampage came out two years before, TMNT came out a year after. There were plenty of co-op games around that time! How?!
By the way, this is the NES version too. Where BurgerTime only had slight differences, Bad Dudes is VERY different from the arcade version. Wait... remember his Smackdown vs Raw 2008 video? At the end of it he randomly decides to "shred" Bad Dudes on NES because it "sucked ass" compared to the arcade version. How does Chris not notice this? It could be... he's a big liar that never actually played any of these games!

And he goes on about how he needs to review the NES version because what he hates about it is that they removed the co-op. You're playing the NES version you moron! How do you not notice this?!
"I haven't played this in years" Not an excuse!

He moves onto Karate Champ
He thinks this game had a different name. Only in Japan, it was called Karate Do, but everywhere else it was Karate Champ
Again, the NES version. You might have seen this in videos talking about bad games.
He tries playing, randomly references The Karate Kid (cringe) and... stops.

"You could build your own coffee table Arcade!" No.
He mentions how he was at ToyFair. Huh, I wonder if it's connected to when Puppet Steve went to ToyFair. HMMMMMM
Notes there's more coming. I don't think he'll be looking at them, always promises but never delivers.
He claims a PR guy told him they also want to do obscure games. Good luck.
He then claims he told him that he really wants Food Fight. I don't think they can do that, all the games are Midway, Bally, Namco, that line. Food Fight is from Atari. Unless they strike a deal with them, don't expect it.
"It gets no love these days" Because nobody cares. It's not really a major game. Also, I doubt he played it.

Video ends, but then we get a commercial from his sponsor. Retro Game Treasure, a lootbox service that gives you old games.


You may notice in the title I use the term "recycled content". That's because Chris looked at these exact same cabinets on Puppet Steve. On March 29th, so it hasn't even been a while. It's just so damn cynical and lazy. Are we going to see more crap already looked at on Puppet Steve? How long until "Chris Neo" starts doing FNAF shit?
I'd compare the videos, but my tolerance for Puppet Steve is at an all time low after that... "Poopeez" video. *glances at his channel* He just posted a video where he runs over a bootleg plushie with a lawnmower, and a 10 minute video on another grossout toy called the Flush Force. Is grossout coming back? Are we going to see Nickelodeon bring back Ren & Sti- oooh wait no that's probably a bad idea now.

Over on his Facebook, he mentioned that there's another video coming for an NES game, one he's had planned since 2007. I know there's a some games he promised way back then. Deadly Towers in the comments of one of his oldest videos (before they were disabled), and the Simpsons NES titles. Or it could be something else entirely
He then claims this video was "30 years in the making". I get what he means but it still sounds dumb.

That's all for me. It's cold outside.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

An Unnecessary Clickbait Follow-Up

On Friday, Chris released the follow-up to his Sewer Shark video. He said before it would get "long" if he posted it in the initial video. Except this video is only 3 minutes 40 seconds. Sounds like a lie so he could turn it into clickbait. As the title goes "Sewer Shark SEGA CD SATANIC MESSAGE?!"

So what's so important that it needed its own video?

The video opens with Chris claiming that he found this years ago and nobody has posted about it online. Yeah that's a lie. I'll show it's a lie later in the post.

A long explanation on how Sega CD games could also be played in a CD player. I guess it's something for really young people that don't know about CDs?

He finally plays the message. Which is a short phone call to Digital Pictures with someone talking backwards.
"It's not Satanic" ... Chris, you should look up Betteridge's law of headlines. It renders your stupid title pointless.

He goes on about how it freaked him out as a kid. No I can't buy that you ever touched a Sega CD as a kid. No.

The backwards message is just someone saying "Number 9" three times. A reference to Revolution 9 from The Beatles' White Album. He claims the Beatles were infamous for putting backmasked messages in their songs. That was only two songs, Rain and Free as a Bird. There is no "Paul is dead" messages, there is no secret Satanic shit in Stairway to Heaven, it's all interpretation. But then what do I expect from someone that still thinks ghosts are real.

The video ends with Chris declaring Sewer Shark one of his favorite Sega CD games. Whew talk about shit taste! There's way better games on Sega CD. Chris seems like the type that thinks the flashy new tech equals quality, when it really doesn't.

First of all, Chris is lying when he says this has never been seen before. I Googled "Sewer Shark Easter Egg" and this was one of the first results.

Posted in 2010! Eight years ago!
Once again, Chris fails at doing basic research.

Secondly, why couldn't this be in the first video? This didn't really need to be a separate video. Well, outside of the blatant clickbait. That's probably the entire reason.

Sorry for the sloppiness of this post. There wasn't really much to say.
Well there is one thing. Chris' view counts are terrible. The Sewer Shark video is only a little over 10,000 now. For someone with 156k subs, that is garbage. It's like how Puppet Steve has over 280k subs, but his Etsy store only has 126 sales.
Speaking of... *checks Puppet Steve videos* "Five Night's at Freddy's Star Wars Lego" What the fuck is this? Throw it in the trash.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Bores Returns with FMV Garbage (and boring)

That was quick.

Seems Chris has already posted his first review for his comeback. A 10 minute (hoo boy) look at Sewer Shark. At least it’s actually a bad game, and I’m surprised it’s not an NES title.
Oh wait, it turns out that he’s not the Irate Gamer anymore. He’s actually… Chris Neo. Yeah seems that name change on Twitter actually had a point. It’s the Chris Neo Show. That is just dumb! Do you think you’re in the Matrix or something?

Let’s look at the description. Seems the hiatus was due to raising a family and “etcetera”. Not going to mention the puppets?
“Rebooted for 2018, the new flagship show of the channel, Chris Neo is a little bit of old with a little bit of new. Hope you enjoy. the show taking over this channel fro now on.” Yeah I can’t imagine it will be any different. Nice typo.
Below that he still has that moronic “Parapper the Rapper free” slogan, and below that is him saying “this is the Irate Gamer channel”. I thought this was Chris Tube now? Impressive, even with your big comeback, you’re still lazy as fuck.

Let’s begin.

0:00 - 0:21: We open on Bores fake-playing while wearing those stupid neon glasses, then notices us. “HEY GAMERS” Why did that sound so forced?
He explains that the show has “rebranded” and it will be “old mixed with new”. So I imagine it will just be old and new games. Not much different then?

0:21 - 0:30: We get our intro for the Chris Tube channel. A decently animated space shoot-em-up sequence. Doesn’t really tell us anything but okay.

0:31 - 1:09: Oh wow, he actually calls himself “Chris Neo”. He‘s still Bores (in more ways than one).
He says he’s going to look at something on Sega CD because he neglected it. “I have never reviewed one game for that system” SERIOUSLY? Not even a minute in and you got something wrong. You looked at Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on Sega CD. You know, the shitty FMV rhythm game? It was big finale to your terrible storyline! This is going to be a long video.
He notes how Sega CD owners couldn’t escape this game because it was bundled with the system. Technically true but it wasn’t until later. As Wikipedia puts it “Sewer Shark is one of the first titles for the Sega CD and one of its best-selling games, leading Sega to eventually bundle it with Sega CD units.” Keyword being eventually.
He puts the game in and then lowers his glasses as he starts. Ditch the glasses, seriously.

1:10 - 4:20: “The super cool start-up screen” Oh nooo he’s bringing over his Puppet Steve mannerisms! Hide the toys!
“Boy that takes me back” There it is, the old “I’m totally a gamer guys” pandering. Been wanting to dust that one off huh Chris?
He expresses surprise at seeing “A Hasbro Production” and how it’s “been so long that he forgot”. Not going to mention why? The game was in development for a VHS console called the Control-Vision, but Hasbro cancelled it so Tom Zito and his company Digital Pictures made it a Sega CD game.

“That’s the iconic opener” … There is nothing “iconic” about Sewer Shark. It is not a game most people remember fondly. You should look up what iconic means.
He goes on about how “ground-breaking it was” and it’s likely the reason they packaged it. Also it technically isn’t the first game to have live-action FMVs, the Action Max from 1987, while a VCR console, had them first. Plus, Sewer Shark launched alongside Night Trap and two of those Make My Video games. Sega probably decided on Sewer Shark to bundle because it wasn’t controversial and it at least had gameplay (not good but it had it).
Then a lot of nothing happens… Chris makes a couple comments but just lets the intro play.
“You’ve gotta love this intro” Do I? Because it’s really fucking cheesy, and not in a good way.
“It has all that 1980’s campiness to it” Oh yeah, all that 80’s camp. Perfectly shown on the game’s release date of October 15th 1992!
Okay the footage was produced in 1987, and it would have been nice if Chris pointed out the reason why it took five years to come out *points up to the Hasbro comment*

Then Chris out of nowhere states that Ghost (the commanding officer that talks to you) reminds him of “the grandson from Mama’s Family”, and then shows a bit from that show’s theme song to compare. Oh yeah because your young fans are going to know what Mama’s Family is. Does that even play on TV or stream on Netflix or Hulu? The most young people know about that show is from a joke on The Simpsons.

Ghost gives him his nickname of Dog Meat, and Chris claims he’s been called worse. Huh, no lies detected in that one.
More intro… Catfish (the weird orb with googly eyes) shows up, Chris claims that he was brought in to appeal to kids. I don’t think this game appeals to anyone.
“Hey it worked, because I was a kid when I played this game” No you weren’t you liar! You only just played this.

4:21 - 6:28: FINALLY he gets to the game part of the game, and he tries to be self-aware and note that it took four minutes to get here. Being self-aware doesn’t change the fact this video is poorly paced.
He compares the game to Captain EO and Star Wars. Barely. Granted, at least there’s a tie to Star Wars here, the game’s effects were directed by John Dykstra, one of the founders of ILM and the lead effects director of the first Star Wars.
He goes over control, how you need to follow the arrows on top of the screen. His delivery is really awkward, more than normal. “Miss too many of them and you’ll becomes *beat* SEWER PASTE *pause* splattered on the wall” Did you do this in one take?

More explanation. Probably from a manual he found online.
Comments that the backgrounds are like a Hanna-Barbara cartoon. How many times has he done this comparison?
Then randomly edits in Huckleberry Hound. REFERENCES! Do kids even know who that is?
More explanation… not much to say.

6:29 - 8:34: He gets to a part where he wants to pause. Wanting to address a pink door.
It’s a barrier that indicates if you’re doing well. He wasn’t so he dies.
“Aw fucknuts” Uh oh, here comes the demonetization police.
Claims there’s no lives or continues (trying to confirm but I can’t find that info myself). I know there’s a code to have continues but that’s not accessible until your rank goes up.
He gets through the door, reaching the first cutscene with Robert Costanzo’s Stenchler. We get such riveting commentary from Chris like “Look at him eat, getting fat”. So poignant.

“Now the further you get in the game, of course, the difficulty increases” It’s almost like it’s a video game. Seriously Chris? 11 years and you’re still addressing that?
He complains that the arrows no longer show up, and you can only advance through hints, as shown with a cutscene with Falco telling you “12, 3, 12”. I looked in the game’s manual and the numbers indicate directions like a clock. 12 means going up, 9 means left, 6 means down, and 3 means right. Meaning you go up, right and up. Chris complains because he has to write it down and he can’t find a pencil.
Eventually he dies at a pink door, and notes this was as far as he could get. Then why is there still time in the video?

8:34 - 10:08: And now it’s time for “Footage taken from someone else’s channel without giving any credit at all!” What fun! It looks really terrible too.
He summarizes the end of the game. Claiming they murder the boss. Uhh not really, they just put him in an inner tube and roll him into the ocean. You do know what “deep six” means right?
Takes the game out, says it’s “super hard but super nostalgic” (stop), and that he has more to talk about for another video because it will get “long in the tooth”. Longer than 10 minutes? Oh please no.
He gives his “Game On” and then the room darkens to only show his glasses. Ditch them. Seriously.

Well… it wasn’t really cringey. Just so damn boring. Could have taken that time to do some research instead of the RIVETING commentary you were providing. So is “boring” going to be the standard? More boring I mean?

That’s all for me. I’m going to watch Spoony’s video on this game, from back when he was actually good and not a dumpster fire.