Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Puppet Steve Tries to Tap Into the E3 "Hype"

You guys have a good E3? I did at least.
Excited that Kingdom Hearts III finally has a release date. It's been five and a half years... I should replay the PS4 collections in preparation
Absolutely elated that the true Tales of Vesperia is finally coming over, and it's not exclusive. Yes, that one Namco.
I'm actually excited for an Assassin's Creed game. It looks different enough that I'm interested. Hope it doesn't suck.
No idea what Babylon's Fall will be, but more titles from PlatinumGames are always good.
September is gonna break me with Dragon Quest XI and Spider-Man.
Death Stranding... I think I have an idea of what it is? Though Sony's lack of release dates for a lot of their big titles is worrisome... Like their treatment of crossplay.
And of course, the showstopper that is Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Which is the subject of today's post!

Instead of Chris using his established gamer persona to talk about E3, he uses Puppet Steve instead. Oh good...
Posted last night. At least he was actually timely about it.
Super Smash Bros Ultimate Nintendo Switch E3 Full Reveal! Complete Roster New Fighters Amiibo 2018

Of course he's gotta stick that amiibo in there. Because fuck the actual game.
It's six minutes long. ... Okay.

Fake over-excitement. His wobbly table has a bunch of amiibo on it. Why not a Nintendo Swi- oh wait I don't think he even has a Switch. Too much money spent on FNAF crap I imagine.
Of course this is gonna be about CHARACTERS! And he claims they added a ton of new ones. No they didn't, they only added three (so far). Inkling, Daisy, and Ridley.
Apparently the first "new" character is the Pokemon Trainer, who he refers to as Ash Ketchum. That's not Ash, that's Red. He's very different, in that he's competent. Also, he's not a new character, he's returning from Brawl.
"You can play as all kinds of Pokemon like Charizard, Ivysaur, Squirtle, and more" Uhh no, just those three. Pokemon Trainer can only control those three. There are other Pokemon in the game, but they're not controlled by the trainer. They stand alone. Unless that's what you mean, but you're not very good at conveying your points.
Brings up the Inkling. "This brings in a lot of fun because you can play as the girl or the boy! Oh yes!" ... You have a weird idea of fun.
"There are over 8 different characters you can play in all?" As he shows all the Inkling variations. Those aren't new characters, they're different costumes. There is only one Inkling, and you can change their costume to fit your preference, or if you do an 8-player battle with only Inklings. How do you not get this?

And he continues to think there's "more characters" because of the Villager and how there's 8 different ones. Again, costumes. He also thinks they "added" this. No, this was in the last game. I know damn well you played the last game, I saw that video. You can't possibly be this ignorant. Yet somehow he is.
He's also surprised at female Pikachus. Yes Chris, gendered Pokemon have been thing since Gen 2, and the heart-tail has been a thing since Gen 4. You'd know this if you were an actual Pokemon fan and not just pretending to be one.
At least he brings up the actual other new characters with Daisy and Ridley. Doesn't say much. Just that Daisy's Toad is blue compared to Peach's red Toad and that Ridley is going to kick butt.

And then... he proceeds to list every character. Over 60 of them. Why? Just why?
He mispronounces Ryu of course... doing the RYE-YOO pronunciation.
As well as Lucina, saying it as "Lucinda".
Palutena is mispronounced. That might just be an accent thing though.
What's weird is that he considers Sonic, Pac-Man and Mega Man as guest fighters, but lists Ryu and Bayonetta as if they're Nintendo characters and not guests. Capcom and Sega characters Chris. It's not hard.
He finally stops, drops a "super cool"

And then he shows the release date of December 7th, while saying September. You edited this Chris. You edited this and (hopefully) did multiple takes. How did you screw that up? It's right there on the screen!

He brings up the new Final Smashes. "Sonic turns into his golden form" Which he could always do since Brawl, only now it's a lot faster.
The only thing he says about the stages is the "graphically upgrades". Nothing about how they're all getting Battlefield variants. Though that would require Chris to understand the intricacies of this series, and he never will.
"Link's got his blue suit" That's the Champion's Tunic from Breath of the Wild, making it very clear you haven't bothered to play that. Then again, what's the point when there's crappy toys to show off?

"EASTER EGGS" Uh huh...
He talks about Assist Trophies, acting like they're new. Nope, been a thing since Brawl.
"Waluigi, Knuckle Joe, the Pac-Man Ghosts" None are new, all have been in past games.
"Protoman and Bass" Not assist trophies, just a part of Mega Man's Final Smash now. Also, he mispronounces Bass. He pronounces it like the fish, not the guitar. Yes I know Mega Man 8 uses the fish way but it's clearly meant to coincide with the musical motif the series has.
Lists more... I'm surprised he brought up Jeff from Earthbound. That seems like something way too obscure for him.
Of course he gushes over Bomberman as an assist trophy, and is annoyed he's not playable. My informant told me he also mentions that on Facebook and still wants Simon Belmont too. Wonder if he still thinks they're Nintendo characters.

Onto the amiibo. He just wants more.
Well there will be more, we know Inkling, Ridley and Daisy are confirmed. No word on the returning fighters but I imagine we'll see them.
He also wants new poses. Oh fuck nooooooo. At most we'll get reprints of the original Smash line. Not to mention a lot of these characters have "different poses" from different lines. Link has like 10 different amiibo.
He also believe there will be a lot more characters announced. Did you not pay attention to what Sakurai said? He said there won't be a lot of new additions, because the roster is already massive. 68 characters already. At most we'll probably get up to 70.

Yeah that was dumb. Could have shaved like 3 minutes without the padding and if he did proper research and realized many of those "new characters" aren't new or even characters. I'm just amazed at the ignorance. God I hope kids aren't getting information from this...

Think "Chris Neo" will do E3 coverage? We'll see. He inexplicably skipped last week. If there's a reason I didn't hear it from my informant.

But man, Puppet Steve is a mess of a channel. Before the Smash video, he spammed NINE FNAF videos. Are you serious?! It must be paying off for him to do that. Does YouTube still do the audience retention thing? Spamming videos only works if the audience watches each one all the way through (and DarkSideDave still doesn't get that).
His latest is a video on Minecraft Fun...ko... Pop. Oooooh god, that's like 20 different kinds of cancerous cringe. I don't think so.

Enjoy the rest of E3 everyone.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Striking the Infinity War Iron... A Month After It Came Out

So much for more Mario Game Genie crap. Probably next week.
Instead, time to cash-in on the Avengers: Infinity War hype! What do you mean it came out last month and almost everyone knows how it ends?
Leave it to Chris to be late to the party.
For the few people that haven't seen Infinity War and still want to, spoilers are ahead.

This week's video is only three and a half minutes long, that's a relief.
THANOS Destroys the Video Game Universe! Avengers Infinity War Gauntlet Battle 

Not sure why Thanos is in all caps... well click-bait.
In fact, I saw the title this morning and it was worse. It didn't have the "video game" part, just said "destroys the universe" (even though Thanos only took out half the universe). The title also had Fortnite in it. Someone must have called him out on that one, then he deleted the comment and changed it pretending like it never happened. It's the conspiracy shitbag way!
EDIT: Or maybe it did say "Video Game Universe". I just know Fortnite was there before and now it's gone. Twas a busy day.

Description says he's "trying out something new". Uh oh...
It also says "Thank you for watching the Chris NEO Retro Show" Retro? Where did this come from? Also, isn't that an oxymoron? I assume the word "Neo" in this case means "new", and yet all you've talked about is old games. Now you're calling yourself "Chris Neo Retro"? What the hell are you?

Video opens, gives a spoiler warning, claims Thanos had an impact on reality and the real world but also had one on the gaming world. Then he does an over-acting "WUUT?"

He mentions how he saw "The Infinity War" (it's called Avengers: Infinity War, you're likely confusing it with the 1992 comic that served as a sequel to The Infinity Gauntlet comic which A:IW took its inspiration)
After seeing it, he returned home and decided to play Maximum Carnage. ... As you do?
Starting it up, Spider-Man doesn't show up in the game. He believes because Spider-Man died in the movie, he was wiped out from the game. This is already stupid!
He puts in Arcade's Revenge (not a good game) and he's gone from that.
Then he freaks out because Thanos may have wiped out characters in other games. So he grabs a bunch of random NES games off his shelf. Look at all this tension! Pffffft

"It was then that I put in Super Mario Bros. for the NES" You don't have to narrate, you're not a Jojo character.
He beats Bowser and finds that Toad is gone. Then he voices Mario wondering where he is. Duuuumb. At least he said Toad's name right for once.
Then he goes to Super Mario Bros. 2 and finds Toad is gone there.
Then he goes to Paperboy and the title character is gone. Then a stupid bit where two neighbors wonder where the paperboy is and a break-dancer in the streets is run over with a car. ARE YOU LAUGHING YET?
Then he goes to Mortal Kombat (because Chris' knowledge of video games is so very limited) and somehow Thanos wiped out "the announcer". You mean Shang Tsung? He was the announcer of the first game. It gets worse because he's playing in the stage where Tsung is clearly in the background. Also his voices for Scorpion and Johnny Cage are terrible.

Then Donkey Kong, there's no more Pauline (Chris couldn't bother to learn her name). More terrible Mario voices.
Then Sonic & Knuckles (not Sonic 3 and Knuckles, just the expansion) where there's no Knuckles
Then Pac-Man with no Pac-Man, with a dumb bit where two of the ghosts leave to get ice cream (Zzzzzz)
Then TMNT on NES with Leonardo, Donatello and Michelangelo gone, only Raphael is left. Get it because Raphael sucks in that game. Hur hur hur hur hur hur hurfaksrjef;likesrf;laekrj;lka

"Wait a minute, what about the Duck Hunt Dog?" The one you already killed in the finale of Irate Gamer? Thanos can't kill what's already dead. Unless he reverses time and reality first but you killed the dog already.
He starts playing... with the NES controller. Where's your fucking Zapper? You can't play Duck Hunt with the controller! Did you put any thought into this video?
Anyway the dog survived and that's the joke...
He begs the Avengers to stop Thanos and save the "gaming world". Oh fuck this noise.

What a pointless video. Can't even cash in on the Avengers hype because it's over a month old. And don't tell me "It took him long time to edit", a lot of these were really easy edits! Basic shit you learn in a school course. Hell the Mortal Kombat example didn't even need editing, he just muted sound! The TMNT one was easy, he just killed off the other three Turtles first. It's not like How It Should Have Ended which actually needs time to animated, or Honest Trailers which needs the full movie.

One of the comments Chris liked (the little heart symbol that puts the comments on top) comes off really sarcastic. "Wow this was unique. Nobody has brought this up on YouTube. Good job!"
Somehow Chris could not see the obvious snark. Goes to show how dumb he really is.

Are we sure this wasn't a Puppet Steve video he somehow mixed in here? It was just as juvenile.
Speaking of *goes to check* More FNAF, more Bendy, more Minecraft, wait Mortal Kombat? *thumbnail has Steve wearing a Raiden hat* Yeah I'm not touching that.

EDIT: Also to add how lazy this video was, he didn't even bother to do the fading effect. He's just showing the aftermath. That's boring! 

Sunday, May 27, 2018

No Game Genie Can Save These Dull Videos

I left that warning about going out of town as I had foolishly assumed Chris would actually release something. I should have known better by now. In fact, these last two videos weren’t even released on Friday, but Saturday.

We got two videos over ten minutes long about Mario. Why did I wait until now? Heard that it was a two-parter. In fact, my informant already told me that this is a three-parter, but I better get started now or else I’ll never see the whole thing.

First video. The title is “Super Mario Bros 1, 2, and 3 NES Controversy! Plus World 9-1 Hack?! Chris NEO Nintendo Retro Show”
Look at that glorious click bait! Only a step away from “SCANDAL”. All that InfoWars is sure paying off, too bad you can’t say the same from those 20 water filters you bought.

Considering the format of “Chris Neo” has been more boring lately, I think I’m done with timestamps. Especially when there’s long stretches of nothing. I’ll basically point out the bad bits and if there’s something really bad I’ll mention a specific time.

Video opens with him calling Super Mario Bros a game that changed the industry forever. Here we go…

He notes how kids all know Mario, but don’t know how big an impact the first game had. They don’t really care. Here’s your problem with history videos Chris, you hyper-focus on one thing when there isn’t enough to talk about. I think kids would be more interested in the history of Nintendo or the Mario series in general instead of just one game, and it’s not a game that had a tumultuous development like Sonic 06.

“Super Mario Bros is a very iconic game” And Chris wonders why nobody takes him seriously…
He pulls a “kids these days” claiming that kids won’t get why it’s a big deal. Guys, I think Chris is having a mid-life crisis.
Blah blah blah nothing else like it. See, I don’t feel the passion. That’s why Chris fails.

He brings up the video game crash while showing stock footage of him playing Centipede. Okay here’s the thing about the crash, it only affected the console market. Arcades and computers were perfectly fine. Just want to bring that up.
He goes on about how all the games back then were “repetitious”. Only if you looked at Arcade games. Computers had games like Ultima and Wizardry, expansive (at the time) RPGs that weren’t confined to a single screen like Dig Dug or Ms. Pac-Man (his examples).

He mentions how he got his NES on his birthday in 1986 (November) and the two games he got were Ghosts n’ Goblins and Super Mario Bros. He takes this time to once again bring up how Ghosts n’ Goblins sucked. It’s getting the point where the line between Bores and parody videos is blurring (this is like a moment in a Third Rate Gamer video).
Wait hold on. *double checks* What about Duck Hunt, Popeye and Mach Rider? In your “First 5 Video Games I owned on the NES” video, you mentioned those three in-between Super Mario Bros and Ghosts n’ Goblins. In fact you claimed that you exchanged Mach Rider for Ghosts n’ Goblins! Which is the truth Chris?

He gushes over how at the time all these aspects we take for granted were “so new and exciting”. Who are you targeting?
He gushes about how there’s more than four levels. This is really stupid.
“More secrets to discover!” What is with all this obvious shit?

And then I reached a moment that somewhat broke me. At around 4:04 Chris belts out a “Very cool!” with an inflection similar to Mike, Jay and Rich of RedLettterMedia during their “Nerd Crew” segment. Only without the complete irony those three deliver it in. Chris is reaching the level of vapid seen on IGN, Collider and Screen Junkies.

Blah blah blah world 3...
Mentions how you can move “outside the level”. Claiming it took him ages to find out you can do that in World 1-2. This is boring…

After about five minutes of gushing, he moves onto Super Mario Bros. 2. This should be brief since he already talked about it 11 years ago. … Right? Not much to say here?

He starts of saying that people missed the point of his original review. Oh really? Then please enlighten us as to the “real meaning”.
And he proceeds to repeat the exact same points he made in his video. About how it’s different and thus bad. Oh wait no it’s still “iconic” but it’s different so it’s bad. For fuck’s sake…
He even recycles footage from the first review.
And then goes on about how it’s really Doki Doki Panic. Okay, here’s something that needs to be brought up about that game. Doki Doki Panic is a licensed game. The characters are based on Fuji TV’s “Dream Factory” event, an expo that showed off upcoming TV shows, and the four featured in the game were mascots for the 1987 event. They legally can’t release it outside of Japan. If anything, Nintendo made the right choice to redo the game with Mario characters since the game itself is good. Nintendo has always had a “gameplay first, characters later” policy. Splatoon was almost a Mario game. The Wonderful 101 was almost a sister-series to Smash Bros.
I’ve heard people in Japan actually prefer “Super Mario USA” over Doki Doki (likely because the Mario version added some improvements like a run button even if it sacrificed saving).

Chris, what are you doing? No seriously, what are you doing? This is like the fifth time you’ve recycled an old video. TMNT comics, RoboCop on NES, Rayman Legends, Fruity Yummy Mummy, are you that creatively bankrupt that you need to keep recycling old ideas? Hell you keep going back to ghosts even though you lose money every time you do, you even admitted that! Is this why you do Puppet Steve? Because you don’t have even try with that one? “HEY KIDS look at this cool shit I got! I have this toy you fucking want and I can have it because I’m an adult with money! Even though I waste it on stupid paranormal shit! I’m so smrt kids! Be like Puppet Steve!”

“It didn’t make sense” Why not? Back then, a lot of NES sequels radically changed things. Zelda II was a side-scrolling RPG with high difficulty, Castlevania II had non-linear exploration (an early precursor of the Metroidvania style), Final Fantasy II had individual stat-leveling, Fire Emblem Gaiden had random encounters, this happened all the time on both sides of the world.

Okay he kept it brief. He moves onto Super Mario Bros. 3.
Goes on and on about how hard it was to find back then and there was no Amazon and eBay. This really does feel like a mid-life crisis video…
At around 6:56, he runs into a pipe with a fireball spitting Piranha Plant, and gets hit with no attempt at dodging it. FFL2and3Rocks came out of hiding to point that out in the comments with a sarcastic “Good job!”.

More “iconic”. There was this show on Sci-Fi around 2010 called Hollywood Treasure, a reality show that followed a group that auctioned off notable movie props. The head of the group had a bad habit of calling just about everything he saw “iconic”. It was like drinking game levels of usage.

“It was the perfect successor to Super Mario Bros 1!” Oh hey he got it right this time! Also, that wasn’t why Super Mario Bros 3 was “iconic”. People loved the first two games (and didn’t care 2 was different), it was advertised in The Wizard, and people overall loved Mario. They still do, Super Mario Odyssey sold millions.
“What made things even worst” … Did I hear that right? It sounded like he said “worst” instead of “worse”
Anyway he complains that magazines got exclusive access back then. So nothing has changed. Why not show these magazines instead of more gameplay footage? That would make the video more interesting.
He gushes about the “easter eggs” (he means secrets) that are “just like the first installment”. Mario 2 had secrets too. Mostly warp zones but they were there. Then again, when he said “easter egg” he showed footage of Mario getting a mushroom so I guess his concept of “hidden secrets” is vastly different from EVERYONE ELSE!

“The warps were back!”
They were in 2! Ugh you are so terrible at this!

After about 8 minutes, he gets to the point of the video’s title. He takes out his best friend, the Game Genie.

Time for some over-acting! He shows off World 9-1 in all its glitch-y glory.
Are we supposed to be impressed? Super Mario Bros was easy to manipulate with Game Genie…
“I didn’t know this level was just sitting in this game here” It wasn’t. The Game Genie messes around with assets and features to make a hodge-podge of a level. Nintendo DID NOT MAKE THIS LEVEL! They actually have skilled level designers that understand the side-scroller (after playing Super Mario Maker, I have a greater appreciation for them). Nintendo would never make a level with off-colors and swimming in the sky.

“Of course we love the neon colors!” *lowers his glasses* Get rid of those! They’re not cool! You’re a moron!

The inevitable happens and the level freezes. What did you expect? It’s not something that’s meant to be.
“Locked somewhere in this game” It’s not locked! Ugh, you don’t know anything.
And the video is over, with him saying that he’ll look at more Game Genie shit next time. Hoo boy…
And of course, sponsorship! I can’t imagine these guys can support you forever.

And so, one week later, we get to Part 2.

The title this time “Super Mario Bros NES Secret Hidden World Hack A, B, C, D, E, F, G! Chris NEO Nintendo Game Genie”
Weird cross-promotion with the Letter People I mean Alphabet Bunch.

Interestingly, both videos are the exact same length. No idea if Chris planned this, but knowing his ego, he’ll claim that he did.
Thumbnail is also terrible looking. Chris’ floating head is wearing two of those stupid glasses. Barf.

Video opens, claims he made “huge waves” in the last episode and that this one will “blow your mind”. No. No it won’t. Also when he says that last part, it zooms in on each word. Where did you learn editing?

And now for the biggest lie of the video. Chris claims he never found any of this anywhere else on the internet. Nope. There’s videos, there’s forum posts, look up Game Genie codes and all of them are widely available and ready to use. You are full of shit Chris. So much shit. How you can even stand up-right without being weighed down by all the shit you’re full of is a miracle of science.

See, he’s even using a book as his guide. He acts like in the 28 years since the Game Genie was introduced, nobody has done a video about this.

“This Matrix thing”
That’s a VERY thin connection to the Matrix. Random lines of code do not make it that.
Showing off…
We then get the reason for the stupid thumbnail. He finds a world where things are doubled, then it cuts him wearing two glasses and he says “Now that’s what I call double vision.” My head hurts…

He continues to claim World 9 is “hidden”. For fuck’s sake!
I know the book says “Lost Levels” but they’re not. They’re hacked levels made with the existing assists and code. Chris is just dumb enough to believe that because he’s dumb enough to worship Alex Jones and believe in ghosts.
“How come I’ve never heard of this?” Shut up.

Still calls Koopa Troopas “turtles”. Yep…
Wow this is boring. Like this level isn’t even that exciting and Chris’ commentary is just “Hey look at the thing”.
Oh god, more “I’ve never seen this” lies. Pointing out how the codes are similar with only one letter. Yeah that’s kind of code works in simple games like this. You just alter something slightly for different effects. This isn’t new stuff Chris.

He tries to act like he “figured something out” when puts P in the code and goes to World A, and acts like he solved it. Bullshit we know you looked this up. You’re not smart.

Shows off another hacked world…
Shows off another hacked world fuck this is boring
“Yep, just thrilling” You can’t call it boring when you’re being boring.

Shows off a hacked world that kills you instantly. “What a drop of douche bag!” … What? Also when he says that, the sound is muffled. Why has the sound been so bad in these videos?

Shows off another hacked world that’s similar to a previous one but doesn’t explain why. Then he edits in Ms. Pac-Man out of nowhere. Back to the shit gags of old.

Gets to what I hope is the last hacked world (since it’s G and G is the last letter in the title), and it’s exactly like World 1-2. Until he gets to the warp zone and goes down a pipe to Minus World.
Chris then goes on about how “smug” it is that it doesn’t need a letter. Dude, that’s Minus World, that’s a legendary glitch! How do you not know this? Oh right, Bores…

Shows off another hacked world, this one is somehow so glitchy that Mario moves on his own.
“No wonder they don’t call him Jumpman anymore” There’s two minutes left…

Shows off another one, this one doesn’t freeze when you progress, instead it has multiple levels.
He gets to the third and runs into Bowser, refers to him as King Koopa even though in the last video he was Bowser, and then gets killed. “Gosh damn it!” … Why? Just why?
“Damn Bowser” Wait, you’re calling him both? Pick one!

He shows off more hacked world and the video ends. But not before saying that next week is even more fucking Game Genie. It looks like Bores found his FNAF. Even though it gets nowhere near the amount of views. Oh god what’s going to happen when the FNAF movie comes out? I mean, I know there’s going to be like 40 Puppet Steve videos, but will Chris be crazy enough to do FNAF content on Irate G- I mean “Chris Neo”? If there’s views involved…

Yeah these were really boring. Nothing mind-blowing, just lazy click bait. I remember seeing a video on the Game Genie from someone much better, RinryGameGame. Looked her up and learned she hasn’t made a video in years. That’s a shame…
Chris clearly has no love or passion for this. It feels more like an obligation at this point. To who though? His sponsor? The small amount of people that still watch? His mid-life crisis?

If next week’s stupid video leads into a Part 4, I’ll wait for that. Otherwise I’ll write a post about Part 3.

Over on Puppet Steve, more Bendy, more FNAF, more Cuphead, and now he’s doing toys based on Hello Neighbor. I didn’t even realize that was popular enough to get toys. I only know of that game from Vinesauce when Vinny plays shitty Android games and plays a whole bunch of rip-offs.

And that’s it for me.

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Update: Out of Town This Weekend

Hey just want to let you know that I'll be out of town this weekend so if Bores posts something worth talking about in that time, don't expect a post on it for a while.

Thank you.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

Next Level Shilling. When Standard Shilling Isn't Enough

Holy shit... Infinity War you guys. Infinity War.

Alright, I think I'm down from the Marvel high. New video from Bores.
Thankfully it's short. Only 4 minutes long.

It's actually a "continuation" of the crappy mini-arcade toys he looked at a couple weeks ago. The ones that promise an arcade game but really give you an NES port. Money well spent!

Interesting that in the thumbnail, he's not wearing his stupid glasses. But in the video he is. Does he think removing the glasses will help with views?

Video opens and he claims it's about a special set of arcade cabinets he was granted exclusive access to at ToyFair, and "nobody else was". Oh that is sooooo bullshit. You are not important enough to have "impossibly exclusive access" like that. Not even as Puppet Steve, you're not that important.

"They won't let anyone take photographs or video except for me" Okay I'm going to just spoil it. He's lying. Shaolin Dave actually found a photo from the site Gaming-Age.com taken by Anthony Parisi showing the exact same arcade cabinets Chris is gushing about. You can find the photos (and many others) right over here.

The cabinets include Street Fighter II Championship Edition, Space Invaders, Centipede, Asteroids, Rampage, but again this is not exclusive. Chris is full of shit.
Oh I should also mention that cabinets have other games built in. 

Chris also can't pronounce Strider. Saying it "Strid-o". Don't tell me that's an accent thing, because it is not.

He refers to a trackball as a "rollerball". Yeah...

Oh and here's the dumbest part. These things plan to retail at $399 a piece. This is like targeted to nerds with too much money. The type that would spend a small fortune at an auction for a movie prop. Chris, why are you talking about this shit? Other than a desperate plea to show how "oldschool" and "nostalgic" you are when you aren't fooling anybody!
Is he trying to fill a niche that barely exists?

I can't imagine Chris can keep this up for too long. The views on "Chris Neo" have been abysmal. And I can't imagine that his sponsorship with RetroGameTreasure is that lucrative.
He could always double down on more Puppet Steve again. Talking about... FNAF cereal. Is this what you really want from life Chris?

Anyway, something more important to bring up. A follow-up on takedown of the Opening Up Documentary.

The good news is that it's back up. On Ben's own site: You can watch it here.
And since it's his own site, Chris has no power. I've also heard there's mirrors of it on YouTube.

Of course that's not all. A guy named Alec Krueger decided to confront Bores on Facebook about the original takedown. Here's the entire back and forth conversation that has since been removed because Chris is a coward.

It's a bit of a long one but worth reading.
It tells me that Chris has no idea how the video takedown process works. He somehow believes YouTube agrees with him. No... it's an automated process that takes the video down no matter what, and it's up to the uploader to appeal it and then YouTube will review it. They simply took it down because they're afraid of getting sued.

I don't think Chris will allow Ben's original upload back. Thankfully the mirrors of it exist, including the one at his site as posted above.

But just know Chris, you can't escape criticism forever. You can try and hide in your bubble, but it will burst, and the ugliness of reality will swarm in like locusts.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

A Video on Deadly Towers That's Somehow Worse Than Deadly Towers

Long week, but hey one more week to Avengers.

Chris posted an 11 minute 39 second video. Granted, he already bragged it would be this long.
He stated that this is something he wanted to cover since 2007. I knew of at least two different games it could have been. One was Deadly Towers, which he said in a comment on one of his earliest videos (it’s long gone but can be found on a video from the thee3nd), or one of the Simpsons NES games which he mentioned back in his review of the 2007 game.

Turns out the first guess was right, it’s a “review” of Deadly Towers. He also claimed that this video was “30 years in the making”. Yeah I don’t buy that.

Let’s begin

Video opens, he states he’s going to look at a video game he played all the time in his youth (pfft) and it just “pissed him off”. So you played a game “all the time” even though it made you mad? It’s not even like it’s a good hard game like Ghosts n Goblins or Contra, it’s Deadly Towers, what many agree is one of the worst NES games. Are you a masochist or just a liar?

Into the intro… let’s talk about the intro actually.
Reader YouTubed brought it to my attention that this same intro is used by a channel called Blue Television Games. Only real difference is the logo at the end of it. It’s not stolen from him, but rather it’s from a site that sells digital assets for use. Similar to Chris using Digital Juice for all his music. Bores eventually revealed to reader Silent Spring that it came from a site called Envato, while calling Spring an idiot (I guess Bores was channeling DarkSydePhil for that response).

Still, it shows that the one thing I do praise about his show is just something that continues to show how unoriginal he really is. Always a catch to these things.

He starts going on about how much he hates the game and every time he played it there were “bugs”, citing the controls and “hardness factor”. Those aren’t bugs, those are overall issues with the game. It’s not “bugged sword throwing mechanics”.

“I wanted to review this for the first season of my previous show” Previous show? Just say Irate Gamer.
And he confesses he’s using an NES Max for the turbo function. Already a dishonest review.

More dishonesty as it becomes very clear he’s using an emulator. The game is far too clean looking, there’s a filter in use. If he was actually playing on an NES, it would look a lot more pixel-y. So the scene of him putting the game in the console and going on about his need for turbo? Lies! Emulators have built-in turbo anyway. Already this review is a waste.

He comments that the logo doesn’t tell you it’s a medieval game. Then what does it tell you? And what would a logo for a medieval game look like? Hello?
He goes over the story… not much there…
Gives his first complaint about the controls being janky, and how going diagonal is counter-productive. Hmm, wonder where he stole that complaint from. It’s too clever for Bores.
Then stupid joke time as he claims he can’t “walk around a medieval” town in his glasses, so he puts on… the same glasses but a different color. Ugggh enough with the fucking glasses! They’re not funny!

He plays some more, gets knocked into another room, complains about the abundance of enemies, then at one point his audio quality suddenly shifts. Was this something added late? He suddenly sounds completely different!
Notes how the game lags with many enemies on screen. Wow, Chris actually bringing up a technical problem. Let’s see how he ruins it.

He dies, and is thankful there’s “a PASSword system”. Yeah weird emphasis on the “pass”.
Doesn’t understand the need for a password this early, more about enemies, complains killing them takes too long. Goes up to one and says to count how many hits it takes, it’s in fast-motion but it looks like 10. But for “comedy” I guess he says it’s 30. Either that or he’s doing more manipulation like Super Mario Bros. 2

Dies falling into a pit.

Blah blah blah, finds the shop, complains that it’s too early to buy things (no it isn’t), leaves, immediately dies. Bored.

Complains about Prince Myer just beaming in and wonders if he’s coming from the Enterprise. It’s called NES limitations Chris.

Right now things just aren’t interesting. He’s just dying a lot.

Finds a dungeon… dies some more… finds another dungeon that he probably read about in a guide
More dying, finds a dragon, beats it (with fast-forwarding), dies again…
Kills an enemy, and th- OH COME ON that death was clearly on purpose! I know Deadly Towers controls like crap but that was clearly you walking off the edge! I see we’re not past pretending to be harder than it really is.

Boring… complains about an enemy, calls the screens “boards” (*rolls eyes*), finds another mini-boss, beats it but then dies. More dying… more dying…

Then he face palms and “dies” in a way similar to the game. Yep, back to these types of jokes too. How exactly is this a rebrand outside of being more boring and those stupid glasses?

He then reveals the point in the game that he claims was “as far as he got” as a kid. Uh huh, sure. He cries “30 years!” and how he wants to see the ending really bad. VGMuseum could help with that. You know the site exists since you stole the images of the Aladdin ending from them.
But no, he’s just saying that to justify his cheating. With Game Genie. Or rather he opens the cheats menu in his emulator.

He then reaches the area where all the towers are. He plays the Pac-Man death sound for some reason. He’s mad that they put all the tower entrances in one place. Meh…

Boring… boring… boring… I can’t really say much he’s just explaining what’s going on. I’m sure there’s something wrong somewhere but nobody really cares about Deadly Towers. And I don’t really care for this video.

Beats a boss, gets the bell, travels back down, you know this isn’t very exciting when you’re invincible.
More forced anger, and then a dumb joke where he says the game’s full title should be “Deadly Towers Deadly Enemies Deadly Controls Deadly Dungeons Deadly Green Fuzzy Monsters That Make No Sense in the Middle Ages” The only one that applies is controls, the rest rings hollow when you’re cheating. Sorry, but once he brought in Game Genie, the rest of this video is just a mishmash of droning noise.

More climbing, then he shows all the bosses, giving a lot of them random names. I’m sure they’re references to some shitty 80’s show that only he cares about.
Has all the bells, and goes to throw them into the fire. He then complains about having to do all that work for the bells just to have a “kumbaya campfire”. Dude, the game tells you to burn the bells. You even mention this when going over the story. Pay attention to your own fucking script! If you have one, I’m still doubting you do.

Backtracks to the start, goes to the right to a now open door, he drops “30 years” again (stop) and finds it’s another tower. He gets to the top, beats the final boss (calling his second form bear heads when they look more like lions), and praises the game for having an ending. You really get hung up on video game endings way too much Chris.

The game tells him “You are victorious” and Chris says “Great, compared to a Nickelodeon pop star”. You do realize that word has existed long before that show right? Wait, I thought Nickelodeon was the devil now? You know, after you freaked out over seeing the Eye of Providence at the Kids Choice Awards to the point that you won’t let your step-kids watch it? Is this more of that hypocrisy you oh so relish in? I think it is!

He turns off the emulator I MEAN takes the game out of the console.
He cries about “30 years” again, and flaccidly drops the game out of his hand. Video ends, followed by sponsorship.

Booooooring! How the hell did this last 11 minutes? It feels like there was six minutes of content at most. Is this Chris’ strategy now? Be so boring that people won’t notice that it actually sucks? I don’t know, it just feels like my brain has melted and I need to play something good.

But first, some things I need to bring up.

If you haven’t heard by now, Channel Awesome (the home of The Nostalgia Critic and once home to many other reviewers) has basically imploded on itself. Through a combination of former contributor grievances, an egoistically prideful CEO that refuses to give a proper apology, the majority of contributors leaving the site in droves (including Linkara) leaving only Brad Jones and Larry Bundy Jr (who admits he’s only staying as a joke now), accidentally outing that someone was a sexual predator, and just a whole shitstorm of “how not to run a business”, Channel Awesome has basically died and is now just a shambling zombie. All this could have been avoided had they just properly apologized but noooooooo….

Chris decided to take this opportunity for a victory lap! First he claims “I haven’t watched any of them”, but then realized that’s not good enough, and started playing the victim card crying about how “they deserve it because they made fun of me! They made fun of me just for making videos!” No Chris, that’s not why they, or anyone else, made fun of you. They made fun of you because your videos suck, you refuse to learn from your mistakes, you are not funny, your jokes and humor come across as childish and predictable. That is why current and former Channel Awesome contributors made fun of you. It had nothing to do with you “making videos”, that’s just your mental gymnastics trying to justify why people don’t like you. Because surely it has nothing to do with the fact you’re an unpleasant person that poses as his own mother to deflect criticism, and at one point false-flagged any video that was critical of you off of YouTube.

Speaking of false-flagging…
Way back in January 2017, Ben Phillips created “Opening Up: An Irate Gamer Documentary”. A video that showcases the many contradictions and lies featured in Chris’ 39 minute “Opening Up” video. For the longest time, it was one of the first results people would get when searching “Irate Gamer”. Not anymore, and you want to know why? Because Chris Bores flagged it with a copyright strike! Not even using Y2B Productions or any other fake company. Literally just “a copyright claim by Chris Bores” The video was here, but now it's gone. You can see the copyright claim.

*clap clap clap* Wow, 10 years later and you’re still doing the same shitty things. You haven’t learned a thing have you? You’re still the same crybaby from 2008 that couldn’t handle people being critical of your crappy videos. I thought you would at least grow out of that habit. But I was wrong, you are still an awful person Chris. You going to pose as mommy again and come crying here about how wrong we are? How we all have daddy issues or something? Quit pretending to be your mom.

Everyone, you are now free to make videos critical of Bores, and if he false flags you, fight him on it. He has no right to flag any videos like that. It only further shows how insecure he truly is.
I will further update you on this as I learn more.

Thank you all for reading.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Even a Rebrand Doesn't Stop Recycled Content

*wakes up*
*sees cavalcade of internet drama*
*goes back to sleep*
*gets alert from informant that Bores posted something*
Alright.

Got a near six minute video this time. Some tiny arcade cabinets.
The thumbnail is terrible. Chris is eating a clearly fake hamburger, like he couldn't go to Burger King or something to pick up a real burger for this thumbnail? What kind of low effort crap is this?
He really wants to emphasize that he's talking about BurgerTime.

Intro, "retro gamers", shmup opening...
Jeez, he's wearing the stupid glasses throughout the video. Are people telling him the glasses are cool? They're not.
He thinks these things are a good way to play arcade classics. Are they? They look tiny, and hard to use. Are they for kids?
He admires the accuracy to the original cabinet. "I don't know how they did it" ... They looked at the cabinet  and copied it? He wonders how they got the art. Likely a deal with G-Mode, the company that owns the rights to BurgerTime. This isn't rocket science!
More admiration, more "cool"
"The sausage that tries to kill you" That's actually a hot dog. The enemies are called Mr. Hot Dog, Mr. Pickle and Mr. Egg.

"These things take four AAA batteries, SUPER COOL" First of all, those are AA batteries, AAA batteries are much skinnier. Second, that is not "super cool" in any way! That's a lot of batteries, and since you have three of these things that's 12. That seems like a waste.
"You can turn the volume up and down which is super cool" Stop saying "super cool". Is it a verbal tic now or something?

"I pretty much have a love-hate relationship with this game because it is so (pointless pause) DIFFICULT" Not really. I mean, the original arcade version maybe since it costs quarters to play and adds a psychological effect that demands you do well or you waste your money. I can't imagine this version since you likely get infinite continues. And even then the game isn't THAT hard, only in later stages.
Chris admits he could only get to the second level. Wow... you suck.

He plays... cries about how tough it is (even though he's not dying a lot)... tries to remember when it was made, claims '83 (actually '82, a year off)....
"It came at the tail end of the video game crash" Chris you do realize that the crash only affected home consoles right? Arcades were safe.

He complains about the aspect ratio, that it should be taller. I should mention this isn't the original arcade version, it's the NES port. Making it "taller" wouldn't help. Also, that makes this a total rip-off. It promises the arcade version, but you don't get that. Going to mention that Chris? Then again, he thinks people wouldn't tell the difference between two versions of Ghosts n' Goblins.
He also complains that the marquee doesn't light, and thinks that it would drive the price up if it did. No not really, this just looks cheaply made.

He moves onto Bad Dudes. He tries to act nostalgic, how he played it at a pizza place. It's not working.
He laments that there's no multiplayer. No shit, that thing can barely fit your hands, much less two.
And then... oh wow. He states that a big reason he loves this game is that it was co-op (or "two players at the same time"  as he often puts it) and that "it was very rare to find games like that". No it wasn't! Contra came out a year before, Rampage came out two years before, TMNT came out a year after. There were plenty of co-op games around that time! How?!
By the way, this is the NES version too. Where BurgerTime only had slight differences, Bad Dudes is VERY different from the arcade version. Wait... remember his Smackdown vs Raw 2008 video? At the end of it he randomly decides to "shred" Bad Dudes on NES because it "sucked ass" compared to the arcade version. How does Chris not notice this? It could be... he's a big liar that never actually played any of these games!

And he goes on about how he needs to review the NES version because what he hates about it is that they removed the co-op. You're playing the NES version you moron! How do you not notice this?!
"I haven't played this in years" Not an excuse!

He moves onto Karate Champ
He thinks this game had a different name. Only in Japan, it was called Karate Do, but everywhere else it was Karate Champ
Again, the NES version. You might have seen this in videos talking about bad games.
He tries playing, randomly references The Karate Kid (cringe) and... stops.

"You could build your own coffee table Arcade!" No.
He mentions how he was at ToyFair. Huh, I wonder if it's connected to when Puppet Steve went to ToyFair. HMMMMMM
Notes there's more coming. I don't think he'll be looking at them, always promises but never delivers.
He claims a PR guy told him they also want to do obscure games. Good luck.
He then claims he told him that he really wants Food Fight. I don't think they can do that, all the games are Midway, Bally, Namco, that line. Food Fight is from Atari. Unless they strike a deal with them, don't expect it.
"It gets no love these days" Because nobody cares. It's not really a major game. Also, I doubt he played it.

Video ends, but then we get a commercial from his sponsor. Retro Game Treasure, a lootbox service that gives you old games.

Boring.

You may notice in the title I use the term "recycled content". That's because Chris looked at these exact same cabinets on Puppet Steve. On March 29th, so it hasn't even been a while. It's just so damn cynical and lazy. Are we going to see more crap already looked at on Puppet Steve? How long until "Chris Neo" starts doing FNAF shit?
I'd compare the videos, but my tolerance for Puppet Steve is at an all time low after that... "Poopeez" video. *glances at his channel* He just posted a video where he runs over a bootleg plushie with a lawnmower, and a 10 minute video on another grossout toy called the Flush Force. Is grossout coming back? Are we going to see Nickelodeon bring back Ren & Sti- oooh wait no that's probably a bad idea now.

Over on his Facebook, he mentioned that there's another video coming for an NES game, one he's had planned since 2007. I know there's a some games he promised way back then. Deadly Towers in the comments of one of his oldest videos (before they were disabled), and the Simpsons NES titles. Or it could be something else entirely
He then claims this video was "30 years in the making". I get what he means but it still sounds dumb.

That's all for me. It's cold outside.

Sunday, April 8, 2018

An Unnecessary Clickbait Follow-Up

On Friday, Chris released the follow-up to his Sewer Shark video. He said before it would get "long" if he posted it in the initial video. Except this video is only 3 minutes 40 seconds. Sounds like a lie so he could turn it into clickbait. As the title goes "Sewer Shark SEGA CD SATANIC MESSAGE?!"

So what's so important that it needed its own video?

The video opens with Chris claiming that he found this years ago and nobody has posted about it online. Yeah that's a lie. I'll show it's a lie later in the post.

A long explanation on how Sega CD games could also be played in a CD player. I guess it's something for really young people that don't know about CDs?

He finally plays the message. Which is a short phone call to Digital Pictures with someone talking backwards.
"It's not Satanic" ... Chris, you should look up Betteridge's law of headlines. It renders your stupid title pointless.

He goes on about how it freaked him out as a kid. No I can't buy that you ever touched a Sega CD as a kid. No.

The backwards message is just someone saying "Number 9" three times. A reference to Revolution 9 from The Beatles' White Album. He claims the Beatles were infamous for putting backmasked messages in their songs. That was only two songs, Rain and Free as a Bird. There is no "Paul is dead" messages, there is no secret Satanic shit in Stairway to Heaven, it's all interpretation. But then what do I expect from someone that still thinks ghosts are real.

The video ends with Chris declaring Sewer Shark one of his favorite Sega CD games. Whew talk about shit taste! There's way better games on Sega CD. Chris seems like the type that thinks the flashy new tech equals quality, when it really doesn't.

First of all, Chris is lying when he says this has never been seen before. I Googled "Sewer Shark Easter Egg" and this was one of the first results.

Posted in 2010! Eight years ago!
Once again, Chris fails at doing basic research.

Secondly, why couldn't this be in the first video? This didn't really need to be a separate video. Well, outside of the blatant clickbait. That's probably the entire reason.

Sorry for the sloppiness of this post. There wasn't really much to say.
Well there is one thing. Chris' view counts are terrible. The Sewer Shark video is only a little over 10,000 now. For someone with 156k subs, that is garbage. It's like how Puppet Steve has over 280k subs, but his Etsy store only has 126 sales.
Speaking of... *checks Puppet Steve videos* "Five Night's at Freddy's Star Wars Lego" What the fuck is this? Throw it in the trash.

Saturday, March 31, 2018

Bores Returns with FMV Garbage (and boring)

That was quick.

Seems Chris has already posted his first review for his comeback. A 10 minute (hoo boy) look at Sewer Shark. At least it’s actually a bad game, and I’m surprised it’s not an NES title.
Oh wait, it turns out that he’s not the Irate Gamer anymore. He’s actually… Chris Neo. Yeah seems that name change on Twitter actually had a point. It’s the Chris Neo Show. That is just dumb! Do you think you’re in the Matrix or something?

Let’s look at the description. Seems the hiatus was due to raising a family and “etcetera”. Not going to mention the puppets?
“Rebooted for 2018, the new flagship show of the channel, Chris Neo is a little bit of old with a little bit of new. Hope you enjoy. the show taking over this channel fro now on.” Yeah I can’t imagine it will be any different. Nice typo.
Below that he still has that moronic “Parapper the Rapper free” slogan, and below that is him saying “this is the Irate Gamer channel”. I thought this was Chris Tube now? Impressive, even with your big comeback, you’re still lazy as fuck.

Let’s begin.

0:00 - 0:21: We open on Bores fake-playing while wearing those stupid neon glasses, then notices us. “HEY GAMERS” Why did that sound so forced?
He explains that the show has “rebranded” and it will be “old mixed with new”. So I imagine it will just be old and new games. Not much different then?

0:21 - 0:30: We get our intro for the Chris Tube channel. A decently animated space shoot-em-up sequence. Doesn’t really tell us anything but okay.

0:31 - 1:09: Oh wow, he actually calls himself “Chris Neo”. He‘s still Bores (in more ways than one).
He says he’s going to look at something on Sega CD because he neglected it. “I have never reviewed one game for that system” SERIOUSLY? Not even a minute in and you got something wrong. You looked at Mighty Morphin Power Rangers on Sega CD. You know, the shitty FMV rhythm game? It was big finale to your terrible storyline! This is going to be a long video.
He notes how Sega CD owners couldn’t escape this game because it was bundled with the system. Technically true but it wasn’t until later. As Wikipedia puts it “Sewer Shark is one of the first titles for the Sega CD and one of its best-selling games, leading Sega to eventually bundle it with Sega CD units.” Keyword being eventually.
He puts the game in and then lowers his glasses as he starts. Ditch the glasses, seriously.

1:10 - 4:20: “The super cool start-up screen” Oh nooo he’s bringing over his Puppet Steve mannerisms! Hide the toys!
“Boy that takes me back” There it is, the old “I’m totally a gamer guys” pandering. Been wanting to dust that one off huh Chris?
He expresses surprise at seeing “A Hasbro Production” and how it’s “been so long that he forgot”. Not going to mention why? The game was in development for a VHS console called the Control-Vision, but Hasbro cancelled it so Tom Zito and his company Digital Pictures made it a Sega CD game.

“That’s the iconic opener” … There is nothing “iconic” about Sewer Shark. It is not a game most people remember fondly. You should look up what iconic means.
He goes on about how “ground-breaking it was” and it’s likely the reason they packaged it. Also it technically isn’t the first game to have live-action FMVs, the Action Max from 1987, while a VCR console, had them first. Plus, Sewer Shark launched alongside Night Trap and two of those Make My Video games. Sega probably decided on Sewer Shark to bundle because it wasn’t controversial and it at least had gameplay (not good but it had it).
Then a lot of nothing happens… Chris makes a couple comments but just lets the intro play.
“You’ve gotta love this intro” Do I? Because it’s really fucking cheesy, and not in a good way.
“It has all that 1980’s campiness to it” Oh yeah, all that 80’s camp. Perfectly shown on the game’s release date of October 15th 1992!
Okay the footage was produced in 1987, and it would have been nice if Chris pointed out the reason why it took five years to come out *points up to the Hasbro comment*

Then Chris out of nowhere states that Ghost (the commanding officer that talks to you) reminds him of “the grandson from Mama’s Family”, and then shows a bit from that show’s theme song to compare. Oh yeah because your young fans are going to know what Mama’s Family is. Does that even play on TV or stream on Netflix or Hulu? The most young people know about that show is from a joke on The Simpsons.

Ghost gives him his nickname of Dog Meat, and Chris claims he’s been called worse. Huh, no lies detected in that one.
More intro… Catfish (the weird orb with googly eyes) shows up, Chris claims that he was brought in to appeal to kids. I don’t think this game appeals to anyone.
“Hey it worked, because I was a kid when I played this game” No you weren’t you liar! You only just played this.

4:21 - 6:28: FINALLY he gets to the game part of the game, and he tries to be self-aware and note that it took four minutes to get here. Being self-aware doesn’t change the fact this video is poorly paced.
He compares the game to Captain EO and Star Wars. Barely. Granted, at least there’s a tie to Star Wars here, the game’s effects were directed by John Dykstra, one of the founders of ILM and the lead effects director of the first Star Wars.
He goes over control, how you need to follow the arrows on top of the screen. His delivery is really awkward, more than normal. “Miss too many of them and you’ll becomes *beat* SEWER PASTE *pause* splattered on the wall” Did you do this in one take?

More explanation. Probably from a manual he found online.
Comments that the backgrounds are like a Hanna-Barbara cartoon. How many times has he done this comparison?
Then randomly edits in Huckleberry Hound. REFERENCES! Do kids even know who that is?
More explanation… not much to say.

6:29 - 8:34: He gets to a part where he wants to pause. Wanting to address a pink door.
It’s a barrier that indicates if you’re doing well. He wasn’t so he dies.
“Aw fucknuts” Uh oh, here comes the demonetization police.
Claims there’s no lives or continues (trying to confirm but I can’t find that info myself). I know there’s a code to have continues but that’s not accessible until your rank goes up.
He gets through the door, reaching the first cutscene with Robert Costanzo’s Stenchler. We get such riveting commentary from Chris like “Look at him eat, getting fat”. So poignant.

“Now the further you get in the game, of course, the difficulty increases” It’s almost like it’s a video game. Seriously Chris? 11 years and you’re still addressing that?
He complains that the arrows no longer show up, and you can only advance through hints, as shown with a cutscene with Falco telling you “12, 3, 12”. I looked in the game’s manual and the numbers indicate directions like a clock. 12 means going up, 9 means left, 6 means down, and 3 means right. Meaning you go up, right and up. Chris complains because he has to write it down and he can’t find a pencil.
Eventually he dies at a pink door, and notes this was as far as he could get. Then why is there still time in the video?

8:34 - 10:08: And now it’s time for “Footage taken from someone else’s channel without giving any credit at all!” What fun! It looks really terrible too.
He summarizes the end of the game. Claiming they murder the boss. Uhh not really, they just put him in an inner tube and roll him into the ocean. You do know what “deep six” means right?
Takes the game out, says it’s “super hard but super nostalgic” (stop), and that he has more to talk about for another video because it will get “long in the tooth”. Longer than 10 minutes? Oh please no.
He gives his “Game On” and then the room darkens to only show his glasses. Ditch them. Seriously.

Well… it wasn’t really cringey. Just so damn boring. Could have taken that time to do some research instead of the RIVETING commentary you were providing. So is “boring” going to be the standard? More boring I mean?

That’s all for me. I’m going to watch Spoony’s video on this game, from back when he was actually good and not a dumpster fire.

Thursday, March 29, 2018

He's back.

I had hoped to go through March without a single post. I was close too.

He's been silent on Facebook outside of a horrible thing he said about Stoneman Douglas survivor Emma Gonzalez, I chose not to address it fearing the political maelstrom that would follow.
Puppet Steve has been the same shit since he came back from ToyFair. Though there was this one massive 10:25 minute video discussing a toyline called, and I am not kidding, Poopeez. A line of toilet themed toys. I chose not to cover it because I couldn't last a minute without the assistance of hard liquor. Just imagine someone doing a fake annoying laugh after showing every single thing. View at your own risk.

But then, I got a surprise. I have been informed that Chris uploaded something new to "CB Network", formally the Irate Gamer channel. It's not ghost related.
What we get is a minute long video, and despite that it could have been shorter. The first 30 seconds focus entirely on a TV with Super Mario Bros paused on screen. Chris walks by and unpauses the game at the 30 second mark (see what I mean by shorter?) He jumps right into a Bullet Bill, dies, and lets out a cartoonish "DAMN IT". He then throws a pillow at his Samsung TV. Don't do that, that's a nice TV.

Then we get a little montage. Quotes like "You asked for it!" "Rebooted for 2018" "So get ready" and "Coming soon". Through out that we see Chris throwing a Genesis controller, holding a radio (what), and one last shot looking into the camera and saying "We're back baby!" In all his scenes, Chris is wearing these dorky looking neon glasses that glow in the dark. No, those look terrible, you can't be serious. Are you trying to be "80's" again? Even Ernest Cline would tell you to tone it down.

So yeah, Irate Gamer is coming back. Guess Puppet Steve isn't paying the bills anymore. Who knows, Chris never talks about why he does what he does outside of vague notions or outright lies. He'll probably try to do both IG and Puppet Steve, especially since he can basically turn Puppet Steve into a Mad Libs script.

One of the bigger changes is the channel name. It's no longer "CB Network", it's now "CHRIS-TUBE" (in all caps). The channel avatar is Chris in those dumb neon glasses. The channel banner shows the Chris-Tube logo and lists three things under it. "Video Games. Unboxings. Pop Culture". I sense more of the same shit he did when his channel was dying before this...
He also changed his Twitter name. The handle is still "@ChrisBoresIG", but the name is changed to "Chris NEO". So more of the same but with less effort? Just like IG Neo?

Sooooo yeah. Guess I've got more material in the future. I'll be seeing you then. Just don't expect same-day delivery.

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Chris' Absolutley Abysmal Toy Fair Coverage

Sometimes, you see something so astonishingly bad, so terribly misinformed, so very little effort put into it, that you can't just ignore it.

From February 17-20, NYC hosted the annual American International Toy Fair, and amazingly Chris got invited. I guess Puppet Steve is that popular? Toy Fair is invite-only by the way.
If you recall his E3 coverage, it's pretty similar. Well, without all the interviews because I doubt Chris has enough clout to tell random people "Can you pretend this puppet is real and it's interviewing you?" He's not the Jim Henson Company or Robert Smigel.
But it is loaded with all the usual misinformation that Chris is known for. What fun!

I won't go over every video, my sanity can only take so much. It's more the lowlights.

This year, Chris did something different and did some live coverage using YouTube's streaming feature. It went about as well as you might expect, in that it was a total disaster.
The video quality looked like a cell phone from 2006. It lagged in spots, causing commentary to go out. Everything was blurry. Perhaps it's why Chris stopped after 11 videos and just went to post-production commentary. This will hurt him.
Chris barely even tried the Steve voice. He was basically doing his normal voice but with "attitude". Was he afraid of people staring at him?
He also shows that he still can't ad-lib to save his life. Every toy he looked at was "super cool". Not just cool, "super cool". Chris really does feel like the embodiment of Steve Buscemi's "How do you do, fellow kids" scene...
Most of the live coverage was FNAF related, because of course it was. He still calls Chica a guy (how long has he been doing this?)

There's also Bendy coverage, Stikbots (whatever those are), toys based on Hello Neighbor (why?), and then we get into the reaaaal bad shit with a video on Transformers. It features one of the major problems with his coverage, Chris not getting names right or even trying to say their names even though they're written right on the box. My informant notes how he just says "this Predacon" when the box clearly has their names. That is some next level lazy.
Even the clickbait title is lazy, using The Last Knight. Even though the toys have nothing do with that movie, and even then the movie came out months ago and it wasn't popular.

He followed that up with a video on Nickelodeon toys, specifically based on 90's Nicktoons. The mistakes really start adding up here. Referring to "Aaahh!!! Real Monsters" as just "the Real Monsters show", getting Oblina's name wrong (pronouncing it Oblika), and referring to Gerald from Hey Arnold as simply "Arnold's friend". Not like he was an important character or anything!

Following that one is a video on new Marvel Legends figures based on the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and Chris' commentary makes it sound like he hasn't watched a single MCU movie.
It starts with him referring to Red Skull as "Red Hood", that's DC you fuck! Then he calls Ronan the Accuser "the villain from the second Thor movie". That was Malekith, and he looks nothing like Ronan. Ronan was the villain of Guardians of the Galaxy.
Then he shows a two-pack of Thor & Sif, and openly says he doesn't remember her name. I'll explain why this is bullshit soon.
Then he calls Yellow Jacket "the evil Ant-Man". Good lord, I know the MCU has a problem with creating memorable villains but you're not even trying!
The reason that Sif line, and really getting all these names wrong are complete bullshit, is that you can clearly see the names on the boxes! They're right behind the figures! How are you THIS terrible at this Chris? Is there something wrong with you?

Then a video on Lego sets (actual Lego, not the off-brand stuff) with cringy sketches involving his custom Lego Puppet Steve. He actually brought it with him just to do that... that is so lame.
He looks at $100 Harry Potter set, makes the old as fuck "Dumbledore is Gandalf" joke (that joke is old enough to have children), gets more things wrong like not recognizing Nearly Headless Nick or Professor Quirrel (you know, the villain of the first book & movie!) There's a reason these are problems I'll get into later...
"The cool spell hat" That's the Sorting Hat! Come on!
Then he shows Jurassic Park/World sets. The first one he refers to as "Manor house museum". Even though the box clearly says "Indoraptor Rampage at Lockwood Estate". He makes a terrible joke about the dinosaur bones being their "mummy". Even though those are Indoraptors, and the skeleton is a triceratops. You're not even trying!
He refers to the park security as "FBI agents". Unless there's FBI agents in the upcoming movie, then they're not FBI.
Then he looks at another set that he refers to as "Paradactyl Chase". Nooo it's called Pteranodon Chase, it says it right there on the box! Also, you don't pronounce the P in Pterodactyl or Pteranodon you hack.
Then another set that clearly has the Tyrannosaurus Rex, but he just refers to it as "dinosaurs". Come on Chris, the T-Rex is the mascot! You can't seriously be this lazy!

And now we get to the video that inspired me to make this post. One about new Pokemon toys. Bores and Pokemon, you know this will go well.

It all goes wrong when he refers to a Togetic figure as "full-grown Togepi". Just... wow. Not to mention wrong because Togetic isn't the final form anymore, it's Togekiss. Hell it's been Togekiss for 12 years now.
Then he refers to Marill as "Pikablu". What... year ... is it? I can't believe there's still someone that unironically uses Pikablu. Holy fuck.
Then he doesn't even try with Chinchou and Pidgey, simply calling them "this guy". You don't even know Pidgey? Come on!
Though he recognizes Staryu, he fails on Wurmple, Charjabug, Salandit, and Togedemaru.
Pichu is simply "the baby Pikachu", and he fails to name Larvitar and Pikipek
By the end of it, he doesn't even try to name Carvanha, Stufful, and Bounsweet.
Look, I get not knowing the Gen 7 Pokemon so easily, I would have trouble too as I have barely played the Gen 7 games (I found them so boring). But see I know how to do a little something called... research! If I don't know something, I look into it. And this is the problem I wanted to address with these videos.

They're very clearly done in post-production, with post-commentary and visual edits. This isn't the live stuff he tried during Toy Fair. Chris purposely recorded all these videos with misinformation, not caring if the name was on the box, or if the name could easily be looked up. He could have bothered to look up Togetic or Marill or Pidgey or all the Alola Pokemon, but he didn't even try. He could have double checked who these MCU characters were, or those Predacons, but he didn't lift a finger. This further showcases how Puppet Steve is nothing more than low effort garbage that acts as dangling keys for easily-entertained kids.

Chris as a content producer has completely given up. He's not even accomplishing the bare minimum. As awful as Irate Gamer was, at least there was a small sense of trying. It wasn't good, but at least you could somewhat tell he tried. This is Chris not even doing that. Does he no longer have pride in his own work? Or is this just shit to pay the bills because his ghost hunting garbage will never get off the ground.

EDIT: Seems I spoke too soon about interviews. He actually did one! But not as Puppet Steve. In fact, it's pretty clear that Steve is in there via green screen, and when it cuts to a close up of the interviewee, you see Chris' hand holding an iPhone (instead of a mic). When Steve is on screen, the interviewee is looking down. That must have been awkward. "Hey can I film you looking down at something even though nothing is there?" "Why?" "Just do it!" 

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Former Fan Testimony from The Childish Psychopath

Been a while since one of these. A former IG fan going by the nickname "The Childish Psychopath" wanted to share his experience with the Irate Gamer. This is a direct copy of his testimony. Enjoy.

I started watching the Irate gamer back in 2008, I use to be a fan of him, as well as the angry video game nerd.  I was also 10 years old so I didn't really know much during that time.  My first video of him was with his review of predator.  At 10 years old, I am not ashamed to say that his jokes were funny.  (Especially that fucking newspaper joke on Tekken.....) 

Me and my older brother would watch his videos non-stop and I it was a blast.  I currently wasn't aware of the research errors and stolen footage at that time, even the most obvious when he was reviewing Ghost n Goblins when he went from nes graphics to Arcade.  As for the tmnt 2 game, I shamefully believed him that they could have made better graphics for the new adaptation. (I was a fucking idiot). I don't remember much but also remember him going on and on about his skylander fetish nonstop.  I would constantly check back to see if he made any new content on the IG show.  But guess what, MORE FUCKING SKYLANDERS!!!!  That was when I moved on to watch other things like anime and such.  

As I grew older, I had vague memories of this shitty gem,  I haven't heard from him until I looked up Guru Larry's fact hunt on the rise and fall of of YouTube gamers.  The moment He talked about Chris, I was all like "Oh hey it's this guy!" Then after an explanation of how he failed and the shit he failed to do.  I then began to look at his channel to see what was left of him.  Then I began to think back on his reviews on how pathetic they were.  I remember playing Battalion wars 2, It was fun and no Chris, the COs didn't constantly remind and HOW HARD IS IT TO CAPTURE 1 FUCKING BASE!!! Then to Aladdin and I remember having on the snes.  It was fun, then Chris talked shit about it.  Finally GnG which Was the final nail in the coffin. 

Even though I was not aware of the controversy of the AVGN and IG, It is safe to say he is a fucking hack.  Which brings me to the blog, I enjoy reading all the reviews you tore to shreds as well as the shit he says.  Now he is a fragment of a forgotten memory.  But anyways this is my confession, thank you for reading.

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Chris Opened Another Channel Years Ago and Seems He's Trying to Bring It Back

Wow, a new post this soon? Even I'm surprised.

Long time fan Harrod brought this up. Seems in May 2015, Chris created another channel, and many pieces start fitting together.
First some backstory. Sometime from either 1968 to 1974 (the date is unclear scoping through Wikipedia), there was an educational TV show called "The Letter People". It was all about teaching kids the letters of the Roman alphabet with puppets. Very Sesame Street but obviously not as popular.
Then in May 2015, Chris created this YouTube channel.
You may notice it has a different name, but the early videos outright say they are The Letter People. Now he seems to be going with The Alphabet Bunch. Oh so now you're afraid of getting sued?

Going through these, there's not much to say. Just low-budget, boring shorts showcasing things that start with certain letters. If you've ever seen Sesame Street, or any educational program at the age of 3 or 4, then you get the idea.
The majority of the videos were posted in 2015. The eighth video at the beginning of 2016. Then... nothing for two years.
But then two weeks ago he posted the ninth video out of nowhere. In the comment he brings up "school curriculums". What? Are you making this crap for a school? Is that your job now?
And three days ago he posted a new one, this one featuring Zombie Steve... so is he trying to synergize his two shows? He must be because over on the Puppet Steve channel, Alphabet Bunch is listed as a Featured Channel under the barely functioning Zombie Steve channel (don't recall if I mentioned this but he made separate channel for solo Zombie Steve videos).
Of course the latest video is the worst, since it's more of Chris' fetish for showing off all his toys.
Oh yeah, and that "Mr. M" puppet? He was reused for the very very very early Puppet Steve videos where the hosts were actually "Marty and Muffin". And yes, a talking muffin is part of these early videos too. That explains a lot.

Chris, what are you doing? Is this your attempt at popularity? I don't think doubling down on the kid shit will do it. You're not good at education either.
You really want to know the secret to popularity? Go into a forest and find a real dead body, then film it and post it online for kids to see. Then go on a crocodile-tear filled apology tour and then make a video where you use a taser on dead animals. Kids really dig that shit.

I don't know. I have no idea what Chris is doing, it's clear he has no direction. All the ghost hunting crap didn't work out. I mean this is the second time too, he admitted it didn't work out the first time, and he tried it again. Blah blah definition of insanity blah.

Oh forgot to mention, but this channel is listed on The Letter People's Wikipedia page. Considering how almost nobody knows about this, I have to imagine that Chris himself added that section.  See the page right here. Here's an archive link in case the page gets edited.

Oh yeah, the first video on the channel actually mentions a site. http://letterpeoplemedia.com/ Go ahead and check it out, you might be in for a surprise.

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Chris Cameos in Another Movie, and It's Not Cut Out

Long-time readers may recall in early 2015 how Chris mentioned he would be in a movie. Eventually we learned that movie was called Gore Orphanage. However, he was cut out of it. Mostly, he showed up in a post-credits scene running from the camera. According to the studio, he was cut because the footage was poorly shot. Weirdly enough, he was still the first name in the movie's credits. Chris himself never mentioned the movie again.

But this isn't the end of Chris' illustrious movie career. A reader of the blog informed me that Chris shows up in a really low-budget indie film called Black Friday, released last year.

The entire movie is up on YouTube. Chris shows up at the end, around an hour and fifteen minutes.


EDIT: Nope, not anymore, that video you see is "unavailable". No clue why it was taken down.

Was this really made last year and not locked in a vault for over a decade?

The person that informed me about this contacted the director, Jayme Schmitt, and wondered how that happened. All Schmitt did was e-mail him and Chris agreed. Too bad Hollywood isn't that easy.

Guess Chris has another thing for that IMDB page. Anyone think that alleged Hardcore Pawn episode will ever surface? It should go in the Lost Media Wiki.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Chris Dons the Biggest of Tinfoil Hats

My Facebook informant has noticed some troubling things coming out of Chris lately.

A few days ago Chris posted a link from InfoWars, the awful conspiracy site. Admittedly I figured he was an avid Alex Jones fan. Just look at LadyBuggin, the only things he did with that account besides argue with people were favorite his own videos and favorite videos from Alex Jones. I felt it wasn't worth making a post about.

But then he just posted this, a screencap provided by my informant.


He saw something on Nickelodeon that got him mad, and now he's going full blown tinfoil fuckery.
Putting aside that he misspelled Illuminati, that's been debunked for years! Before most of us were even born! Has Chris gone this far down the deep end?
Oh and of course, no evidence provided, and as you see from that reply, he refuses to give any. "Fuck you asking for proof, find it yourself". The lazy hack method.

Chris, you need help. Serious help. This isn't a healthy mindset. Turn off the InfoWars, get out of Ohio and see the world. You'll feel better.

Hell, if you want a real Nickelodeon conspiracy, look into Dan Schneider.

EDIT: Hey so due to spam bots, Blogger's filter has been going crazy and marking legit comments as spam. So if your comment somehow disappears, it's the spam filter and I didn't notice. My apologies if your comment vanishes, just be patient (unless I clarify and give a reason why it's gone)

EDIT 2: Ooooooh wow. Okay so my informant saw a new comment added, and it seems that person saw what Bores was talking about. The image that triggered Bores so much... was the Eye of Providence. AKA the All-Seeing Eye.

Yes, that. The eye that's on every American dollar bill. The symbol that's been conspiracy fodder for decades, perhaps before even Chris was born (who by the way is turning 40 this year). The eye being "evil" or something is basically a meme at this point.
Chris, you actually unironically believe this? This is too funny. The ghosts are one thing but to believe outdated crap like this? How do you function? Can you even use cash? Just amazing.

There was also a really funny comment from Brad Jones.
"I could have told you this last year when they sacrificed Ariana Grande on an alter made of pig bones while Victoria Justice wore a giant goat's head and a cloak. It was a weird way to announce Best Voice Actor."
Now I want to see Brad riffing on terrible Nickelodoen sitcoms. If he can get through Fuller House, those would be no problem.