More History Oh Joy

IG started History of Video Games in May 2009. After 20 months he’s only on Part 4. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, give it up Chris. You’re never going to finish this at the pace you’re going, and your voice only makes this tedious series worse. You’re not Ken Burns, you can’t make this interesting. *sighs* Here we go, History of Video Games Part 4. This one about Pong Consoles and the “war” between Atari and Magnavox. A war oh please. Nintendo vs. Sega was a war, this was far too early to be considered one. Intro: Bores was kind enough to remove that “For over 35 years” garbage, so that’s one merit towards this. It won’t save the rest though. 0:06 - 0:47: IG starts talking over stock footage that’s obviously not from the 70s as he mentions other games released by Atari like Pursuit (released under Kee Games), Anti-Aircraft, and Tank II. “The sequel to the hit Tank game called Tank II” Nooo, this is a sequel to Tank? I thought it was a sequel to Patton. “They also released a game called Jawls” Oh he means Jaws. Actually, the game is called “Shark Jaws” and it was intended to be a tie-in but they couldn’t secure the license so they added “Shark”. “Here’s a fast fact” What’s the difference between a fast fact and a slow fact? He brings up how Shark Jaws was released under “Horror Games” a pseudo-company made to avoid legal trouble. Gee, this would’ve been a nice thing to bring up in the previous video,. You know, with KEE GAMES! Oh but he couldn’t include that, he had to make room for more effects. He then brings up clones of the game that did poorly. You know what would make this interesting? Morgan Freeman. Yeah, his voice can make anything great. In fact, I’m going to go watch the Shawshank Redemption right… *sighs* Just keep going Daniel. 0:48 - 1:09: IG talks about the game Steeplechase, which amounts to explaining how you play the game. This sets up… oh God. 1:10 - 2:07: We cut to Bores in front of his green screen as he’s about to try the game out. Oh goody, just like last time he pretends he’s in an OH MY GOD! Instead of showing footage of the game, we get different colored Bores representing the horses. Actually, it’s Bores wearing the same thing only he colored himself in After Effects to represent a different “horse”. Then we get a long padding sequence of him running with the 7th player (the computer) winning. Inter-cut with shots of him puffing out his cheeks, oh he’s supposed to be angry. He ends it by giving that same look he gave after getting curb-stomped at Marvel vs. Capcom 3 (indifference). Why? What purpose did this scene serve? I imagine this is where the hours went. Not into research, not into writing, but this one fucking scene. There’s no humor in it, there’s no reason this needs to exist. Oh God it happened again, I’ve gone insane from sheer stupidity. *meditates* There I should also mention he did the Ed Wood thing again. He was in front of his green screen, then when he was playing he was in a real arcade, then the last shot was in front of his green screen. Does he really think this is good editing? 2:08 - 2:45: Bores starts talking about the home console version of Pong. “This simplistic design had four buttons” So knobs = buttons now? Next you’ll be telling me you can zip a padlock. “A player one knob, a player two knob, a switch to turn it on, and reset button” OH MY GOD WHY DO YOU NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS?! We’re not stupid! Chris brings up that it’s also in color, prompting him to dress up like a hippie and marvel at the colors. Hippie jokes! Appropriate when talking about the history of video games. 2:46 - 3:19: He brings up in order to power it up you’ll need 4 D Batteries, and notices a warning that says to replace the batteries if the game is acting erratic. You’re bringing this up because…? Maybe we’ll get the answer in ANOTHER FUCKING MONTAGE! You’re playing with yourself! Why is this and that damn rock music needed?! Good thing it’s a short one. The montage ends when the ball goes through the TV causing a small explosion. You don’t have to blow everything up Bores. Especially when it’s… wait didn’t the AVGN do this already? Yeah, in the Nintendo Days Re-Revisted episode when he almost lands the plane in Top Gun and it flies out of the screen. Only he didn’t use an explosion to make this happen. So yeah, that’s the punch line with the batteries. If this video isn’t mind-numbingly boring, it’s painfully unfunny. 3:20 - 3:51: More history, more I don’t care. We get some stock footage of a couple exchanging gifts that he obviously didn’t credit and he remarks that the year Pong was released began the "home game video console" era. Is that even a real term? Oh hey, he got his Odyssey back. So is the History series in conjunction with the regular one or is it separate? Make up your mind, did Evil Gamer take your Odyssey to revive HAL or not? I… ugh. 3:51 - 4:35: Bores moves on to the Odyssey 100, claiming they released it to replace the Odyssey. No, the Odyssey could play more than Pong. All the numbered Odyssey consoles could do was play Pong or a variation of it. Blah blah blah more boring man this is taking forever. 4:36 - 4:57: Here he talks about the Odyssey 200 and what it added and I so don’t give a crap. 4:57 - 5:16: He proceeds to talk about Super Pong and how it has four games. No, Atari did not release it to compete with Magnavox, they released it because Pong was successful and they wanted to improve it. So they released Super Pong. In fact, the various Odyssey consoles weren’t made to compete with Atari. They were just simpler versions of the Odyssey that sold for much less than the original. The only “war” between Atari and Magnavox was a lawsuit that was mostly settled out of court. 5:17 - 5:56: Bores then brings up the Odyssey 300 and how a lot of changed. He mentions the difficulty settings and calls the hardest one stupid, asking why you would play like this. Maybe someone wants a challenge? “As long as we’re getting stupid here, why don’t we just add in a horse racing mode” and he adds the Steeplechase gag from earlier. Well he’s done it twice so prepare for a third. I imagine it will be just as unfunny. 5:57 - 6:24: He starts crying about Magnavox releasing the Odyssey 400 and 500 in the same year as the 300. Noting how the 400 goes back to the “3 button system” (those are knobs, you don’t press knobs). The Odyssey 400 is an updated version of the 200, adding a scoring system. The Odyssey 500 gives the players human features, that should be obvious just by looking at the games. 6:24 - 6:41: He doesn’t understand why Magnavox would release those two in the same year, but realizes it might not be crazy since the market was flooded with Pong consoles. “Wow, that’s a lot of fucking Pong!” So you’re back to cursing? You don’t even care anymore do you? 6:42 - 7:23: IG remarks on the large amount of Pong but only one company stood out, Coleco with the Telstar. He says that when playing it, you’ll notice eerie similarities to the Odyssey 300. Pointing out the same games and visuals. This is where your research falls. The Telstar and the Odyssey 300 used the same video game chip, the AY-3-8500. Hundreds of Pong consoles around the world used this chip so it makes sense they would look similar! He then brings up Coleco selling the Telstar for $50 dollars. Oh hey, something that’s correct. That’s a rarity in these videos. 7:24 - 7:50: He brings up Atari having to deal with Arcade competitors, as he says this he’s playing an Arcade game that’s obviously modern. He brings up how Gremlin, Taito, and Sega entered their hat into the competition (it should be noted that at the time Sega was working with Gremlin since he doesn’t bring up this fact). But then he gets into controversy! (DUN DUN DUN) 7:51 - 8:44: IG begins talking about Destruction Derby. “The goal here” *circles the playable car* Seriously? You really had to green circle that? Ugh, moving on. He then talks about the follow-up Death Race, and shows the objective of the game. Running over people as they let out a scream. By the way, amazing delivery on that “Holy Crap!” Bores. You could give Keanu Reeves a run for his lack of emotion. Blah blah blah debates news violence who cares? IG brings up how the controversy helped the game rather than hurt it. Well yeah, controversy sells. Just take a look at the PMRC (I know that happened after this but still…) 8:45 - 9:23: IG starts talking about Midway. First he goes into Gun Fight. He says the objective is to shoot the other player while dodging cactus and stagecoaches. So, the cactus goes after you or did you confuse the word “dodge” with “avoid hitting”. “And the occasional stampede?” Guess what it is? The fucking Steeplechase gag! Grraaaaaaaaah! Unsurprisingly, his fans are gushing over this gag. One day, aliens will arrive and wipe out the ignorant. We will then enter an era of peace lasting hundreds of years. It will be glor- oh right the video. He then provides another “fast fact”. That’s not a clever phrase Bores. 9:24 - 9:48: He goes on to talk about Sea Wolf and how it uses a periscope. “This concept was very unique, and it helped turn this game into a popular” A popular what? Seriously, that’s what he says. Did something get messed up in post? 9:49 - 10:21: He goes back to talking about Atari and starts discussing the game Breakout. He then explains how it works… I hate you. He also notes how the game was made by Steve Jobs. WRONG! Alcorn assigned Jobs to make the prototype who in turn assigned it to Steve Wozniak. Wozniak made the protoype, Jobs had nothing to do with it. Both Wozniak and Jobs founded Apple (along with Ronald Wayne). Either way, you’re wrong! But that’s commonplace for you isn’t it Bores? The video ends with Bores going on about the industry getting stale and repetitive (yep, stale and repetitive… sorry). That’s really it. He doesn’t say what Part 5 will have and I’m really hoping it never comes. *collapses* Ugh what a dumb video. If it wasn’t making me pull my hair out from the awful humor, it was boring me to death with inaccurate facts. As usual the fans didn’t care for the history, only for the idiotic jokes that shouldn’t belong! *sighs* What’s next for me? Well, Bores promised a Kirby’s Epic Yarn review. I guess I’ll do some Redux Recaps as well. Maybe shift focus towards starting my own show (I’ve been trying to for years… money issues). See you all later. Sources: Pong-Story http://www.pong-story.com/intro.htm Atari Museum: http://www.atarimuseum.com/mainmenu/mainmenu.html Wikipedia (I know, but these days Wikipedia is much stricter on accurate information)