RoboCop: The Godfrey Ho Cut

That was fast. Thought the video would come out Friday but nope, Thursday.

Anyway, what’s he going to talk about this time? RoboCop… for the third god damn time. No wonder he’s able to get these out so fast, he’s just recycling everything. 

Oh, but this one’s special because he got RoboCop himself, Peter Weller. He is indeed on Cameo.com and he’ll appear in your video for $250. Seriously?! Bores isn’t going to come close to that on ad revenue for the video. 

To reiterate, the Irate Gamer revival has consisted of games the AVGN has already talked about (Ghostbusters and Dick Tracy), games he’s already talked about (TMNT and RoboCop), concepts that are obvious to the simplest of people (console ports of Arcade games sure do suck) and shit nobody cares about (the cereal). It’s no wonder his views have plummeted since the “crossover”.

For those just joining us, Irate Gamer first talked about RoboCop NES in a crossover review with SWAGshow back in 2008 (when people actually took IG somewhat seriously). Then he reviewed it again in 2011 as part of his stupid storyline. Nine years later, he’s looking at it again. Am I in a time loop? Is this a parallel universe Bores that’s just starting his show but still has the same stupid ideas? Seriously, why a third time?

It’s a big one, 23 minutes long. Let’s do this.

The video opens with IG walking in and saying he’ll discuss the history of RoboCop games and the consoles they made them for. While only showing NES games. Yeah, I doubt he’ll talk about the RoboCop 3 computer game or the Titus Interactive Game Boy Color game or the 2003 Xbox game that was released on other consoles outside of America. But we shall see, it is a long video.

Then says if we have a problem with that, we can take it up with Peter Weller, leading to our cameo. That was a terrible segue.

This cameo isn’t much better. Weller is walking down a New Orleans road filming himself. He calls him “Chris Irate Gamer” which is odd. I get the feeling Chris wanted “angry and tough” but he’s basically just blandly reading a script. Then he refers to him as “Chris Irate”. Is that like the next evolution of Chris Neo? But yeah, he says a lot of nonsense that makes it obvious Bores wrote it.

“Wow! Peter Weller on the Irate Gamer show! Never thought I’d see the day.” Again, these cameos aren’t impressive. At least when James and ScreenWave got that Tom Cruise impersonator off Cameo, they had him use a green screen and gave him something of substance to say. 

“The ultimate history of RoboCop games” Major doubt.

Theme song.

But first, a sponsorship ad from Surfshark. Oh hey, a product I see in other YouTube videos. It’s a genuine sponsorship too as he links it in the description. Was that so hard? I guess this is how he’s recouping the cost of Peter Weller. I know these companies can pay a lot to be featured. Animation reviewer SaberSpark mentioned being offered $7400 to talk about RaId ShAdOw LeGeNdS (he didn’t take it).

The ad is mostly reading the script they give you. He throws in a cringy RoboCop joke. 

Movie came out, it was cool and awesome. I imagine all that satire went over his head (and I don’t mean when he was younger).

Then come the video games. He pulls out an issue of Nintendo Power and shows a four-page feature they did on the Data East NES game. He still says ED-209 wrong (it’s pronounced like the name Ed, not spelled out).

Grabs the game, oh hey he put it in correctly. 

He mispronounces “adaptation” again, saying “adaption”. 

He goes over the game… not much to say really. But then it switches to footage from the old review. I can even recognize the floor and shelves. Why? 

Not only that, he combines the old footage with new. It’s insanely jarring. What’s weird is that I’m not sure if this is laziness or a style choice because in the description, he says this episode “contains a little old”. So, either it’s a bizarre choice, or this is an excuse for not trying and adding old shit just to get over 20 minutes. Seriously, this is weird! Especially since the footage doesn’t match. The old footage is way grainier.

Anyway, he complains that RoboCop can’t jump. Of course not. He doesn’t jump in the movie. Why would he jump here?

He repeats the PETA joke again when talking about the dogs. This feels like putting McDonalds in your microwave. Subpar food that’s made even worse.

He repeats his complaints about the gun in the game, how you don’t always use it and how the aim is bad. Then he replays the clip from the old review with ROB and Tony. This is beyond jarring, especially since it comes out of nowhere and unlike the storyline video wasn’t established that Tony exists. This is so fucking dumb. Does Chris think people won’t notice the obvious change in set? Or how he’s nine years younger?

He brings up the Data East building (again), and during it the footage changes. Feels like the new stuff is on an emulator. Plus, the sound quality is different. What’s the point of this again? This would make sense if you were talking about a shot-for-shot remake of a movie like Psycho or Cabin Fever, but it doesn’t work here.

He reaches the first boss, most of it is recycled footage, then a jarring cut to new material. Blah blah blah… then another Weller cameo where he just says RoboCop’s “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me” catchphrase. 

Level 2… more old footage. Boring boring boring…

Oh god, I forgot about the stupid GI Joe comparison. 

More and more recycled footage. We’re not even getting spliced in new footage. Did Chris not get past Level 1 this time around? I’m going to go with “lazy”.

Forgot he says, “does not go down with a fight” instead of “without a fight”. This was a long time ago, I don’t rewatch this shit.

Then he replays the scene where ED-209 enters his room, ROB destroys it, and he calls him, ugh, ROB-O-Cop. And yes, he still includes the part where he explains the joke. Was he really so proud of this stupid scene that he had to include it again? 

More old footage, including the cringey bit where he shoots the cast of That 70’s Show. When he makes a crack towards Mila Kunis for dating Macaulay Culkin, it’s new footage. Welp, that killed any chance of getting Mac on your show Bores.

Checking back in my old recap, the reason there’s new footage is that the original scene had Wise Sage bring up Culkin and Kunis being a couple. Hmmm, interesting that Chris would remove him. Perhaps there’s been a falling out with Eric Allen?

Also, the part where he shoots the That 70’s Show cast adds in sprites from Hogan’s Alley because the original training mode in RoboCop didn’t use human sprites. 

Last level, same shit, when he gets to the end of the game, he splices in old footage with new footage to still do the stupid bit where ROB kills ED-209 in the game. We’re almost 10 minutes in, and most of this crap was old footage! What’s the point?

Anyway, he learned “recently” that this was ported from an Arcade game. You could have learned that when you did the original video, but that would get in the way of your stupid storyline wouldn’t it. 

“Shovel my shit in a barrel” You’re too late to make that a catchphrase.

“Arcade game better” Uh huh “This should be NES version” NES has limitations! “Just look at those graphics” Oh my god…

He learns the reason for the gun being limited is because the Arcade version did that, but “lets it slide” because the game is polished. Should have done your research!

“Made my day, punk!” That’s Dirty Harry! Also, that’s not even what he says. You just took his two most iconic quotes and mixed them together.

Blah blah blah Arcade game better…

He moves on to the Game Boy version, says it’s better because gun and jumping. The jumping looks really stiff. But he’s claiming the game is smooth because he can just hold down the button and shoot everything. Sounds to me that you only like this game for being easy. 

No wait never mind, he goes into how he loses his health way too quickly. I get the feeling you’re supposed to take it slow. Either that or your keyboard isn’t working with the emulator you’re clearly playing on. 

Moves onto RoboCop 2. Starts with the NES game which he also talked about already.

He says it’s better than the first because you can jump. That would be worth praising if the jumping wasn’t so utterly shit.

Oh, and it’s old footage too. Another tell is that the old stuff uses the Green Circles of Obviousness that he phased out. Oh hey, something to praise. Getting rid of those.

He fails beating the first level twice (combining old and new again) and plays another Peter Weller clip. This time saying “Your move, creep”. I don’t see how having him say RoboCop quotes helps you. 

Moves onto the shooting range, it’s still old footage because it still has the terrible Hamburgler reference. 

Still more old footage, including the bit where he curses a lot and it’s bleeped. It was bleeped in the original, so this isn’t cleaning it up for YouTube or anything.

I feel like my soul is dying watching this blatant disregard for standards.

He moves on to the Game Boy version. Something new.

But it’s similar to the NES version so he just says a lot of the same stuff. He also gives an anecdote about how only made $5 in allowance a week when he was 11 years old and something something can’t get to second level. Whatever…

Then goes into the Arcade version which leads to more gushing. We get it, Arcade version better.

And yeah, that’s pretty much it. Arcade game awesome, NES game crappy, we should have gotten Arcade version on NES. Look, MGM probably gave the rights to various companies, and that’s why we have three different RoboCop 2 games. Data East made the Arcade version, Ocean Software made the NES and Game Boy version, and Special FX made the computer version. I don’t know for certain, information on stuff like this is hard to find. Maybe ask Larry Bundy Jr, he seems to know all about Ocean Software and their shovelware ways.

He does complain about the Arcade game’s controls and how you need to press a button to aim left or right. Sounds like a “you” problem Bores. I don’t see the issue here.

He also praises a part where RoboCop crushes a car. “You won’t see that in the NES version” Of course not, the NES wouldn’t be capable of graphics like that. He really doesn’t get it.

Then he replays the clip of Peter Weller saying “Dead or alive, you’re coming with me”. So not only is he recycling old footage, he’s recycling new footage. Who finds this funny?

Moves onto RoboCop 3, notes how it was ported to “every system available” but only lists, NES, SNES, Master System, and Genesis. No Game Gear or DOS or other old computers? You call this the “Ultimate History”? Fraudulent! 

Starts with NES, and it’s more old footage from the original video. Though he splices in new reactions.

I noticed when he tries jumping over the hole, he just repeats the same clip three times. I don’t remember if that was in the original, but it probably was.

And yes, he ends on the stupid “Pimp my RoboCop joke”

He moves onto the Master System version and doesn’t say much. Then to the SNES version and says it’s better because GWAPHICS. Genesis too. No mention of the DOS version? It’s a completely different game.

He then starts talking about RoboCop vs The Terminator. First mentioning the comic book mini-series and then the game.

He starts on SNES and praises it, then goes to the Genesis version and praises it further because it has blood and gore. It should be noted that the game was made with the Genesis as the base, even though the SNES version came out first, at least going by Wikipedia. There’s also versions for the Game Boy, the Master System, and the Game Gear. The latter two are not mentioned at all.

He starts talking about the unreleased NES game, which was finished but they decided to hold off on releasing (the ROM exists out there). He starts playing and says it look impressive. … No it fucking doesn’t. It looks like garbage. I imagine Virgin Entertainment looked at that and thought “This isn’t going to sell, we’re going to lose money if we put this out”. On top of it also being 1993 and the NES was dying.

“This reminds me of the Batman game” … Barely. Batman was a lot smoother. I don’t know how this controls but it’s likely Batman had better control.

IG then goes on a rant about how so many NES games were abandoned because they were in development at the end of the system’s life cycle. Yeaaaaaaah, that’s how things tend to work. If a new console is on the way or on the market, it’s seen as a pointless endeavor to make something for the old console. Right now, it would be pointless to start a new project for the PS4 because the PS5 is literally a month away. Same with starting a new Xbox One project.

He then pulls a quote from game designer Gregg Tavares, which he reads in a kind of mocking tone. I don’t see what your problem is Chris, he says the problem in the quote. “It was a very bad game”. Chris is an idiot and didn’t source where he got this from. So I had to search for it and found it on the site Atari HQ. You can read it here.
“It looks pretty damn impressive to me” Not really. I don’t understand you. You’re a total graphics whore for Arcade games, but this underwhelming looking NES game is what impresses you?
Then he cries about how they were “self-conscious” about the limitations and just abandoned it. There were likely other reasons. Most likely financial. They probably realized that selling this crap would make them lose money. Every cancellation has multiple reasons. Just one guy’s story isn’t enough.

He gushes about how he would totally have the game in his collection. Too bad!

Then he briefly looks at the Game Boy version.

“Gosh damn it” Why does he say that? This isn’t even a YouTube censorship thing, he said it years ago.

He then says he’s late for a meeting. What? Where did that come from?

Then Tony appears saying he fixed ED-209. So is that why you replayed the old clips? No that still doesn’t make sense.

Then more Peter Weller.

Then one more scene of total cringe as we see IG riding ED-209 through a green screen city and he tells it to go knock over AVGN’s house. … What’s the point? Is he still trying to act like there’s a rivalry? James hasn’t brought him up at all. 

This was just bad. Seriously, why all the old clips? It’s just so utterly lazy. I know he says in the description that it’s a “bit of old”, but I swear half of that was the old. The “whole lot of new” was just quick looks at other versions. Not to mention there’s still RoboCop games that came out after the Terminator crossover. Ultimate History my ass.

If Tony and ROB were meant to be his “crew” that he mentioned, then that’s just sad. The continuity of this video just gave me a headache. What a mess.

Over on Facebook, a fan asked if he could get Arnold Schwarzenegger in a future video, which Chris says “won’t happen”. Well yeah, he’s not on Cameo. Chris can only get celebrities that he can pay a small fee on a website. The same fan also asked about Home Alone. Not Culkin, just Home Alone. Chris still said no.

Over on Ghost Doctor, more old uploads. The latest being his interview on Coast to Coast AM. It’s over an hour long, no way in hell am I listening to that.

He still hasn’t said anything about Steve in Smash Bros. Knowing him though, we’ll get a Puppet Steve video about that in a month. Maybe I was off about him being insufferable? *looks at what I just watched* Never mind…

Stay safe everyone. Wear a mask, wash your hands, keep your distance. Play some good games.