Utterly Bankrupt and Flavorless

Hope you’re all getting vaccinated. Make sure to schedule an appointment.
Oh? Bores posted something new, huh. *goes to check* … Are you serious? Kool-Aid again?! You can’t seriously be this creatively bankrupt. Surely, you can get outside your bubble and find a new topic. Are you hoping your fans forget you already covered this? Are you trying to appeal to new fans? It’s a pointless endeavor either way.

The video’s a little over 12 minutes, it won’t be too bad. … I hope.

We open on IG walking in front of his 80’s set. It still has Ren & Stimpy, it still has the Death of Superman, and he added Dragon Ball Z figures. Including Super Saiyan Vegeta, Mr. Satan, and Kid Buu, all of whom were not introduced until the 90’s. Is it that hard to fact check your stupid toys?
Anyway, he’s going to talk about Kool-Aid, and holds up a Kool-Aid Man toy.

Intro plays. Okay here’s something I don’t get. The video opens with the explosive “Irate Gamer” intro, but then he includes another for I Rate the 80’s (featuring royalty free Van Halen). Why have two intros?

He says Kool-Aid began in 1928. Incorrect, it’s 1927. Are you doing this on purpose?
He mentions flavored drinks were becoming commonplace. Okay, what were the other ones? … Not going to tell us?
He mentions the other “Kool-Aid” ventures while showing old photos, and eventually how they developed flavor packs. Listing the first flavors, then how they sold Kool-Aid to General Foods in 1954 (it was actually 1953, I am convinced he’s doing this on purpose).
More listing off flavors, the 60’s had more TVs with more commercials and newspaper ads. Claiming that kids gravitated towards one with a face on a pitcher. What’s your source on this Chris?

He doesn’t mention “Pitcher Man” but shows an old commercial from the 50’s when he didn’t have limbs. He just jumps ahead to the 70’s when he officially became the Kool-Aid Man. Showing some commercials, describing what happens in them, then he uses the phrase “recipe for win”. How do you do, fellow kids?!

He then brings up that he got to have a talk with Tom Anthony, the stuntman that played the Kool-Aid Man in the original 70’s commercials. Oh really.
He plays a bit, but I have my doubts that Chris actually conducted the interview. Mr. Anthony’s quality sounds really bad, like much older than 2020. Also, the context makes it clear that he’s talking about his time as Ronald McDonald's stunt double not Kool-Aid Man. Especially when he mentioned make-up. Can’t imagine there’s much make-up when you’re wearing a mascot costume. It’s possible Chris pulled this interview from somewhere else and dubbed his voice in pretending he was asking the questions. Unless Chris posts the full interview for all to hear, with Tom Anthony saying Chris’ name.

He then shows a photo he claims he got from Tom with him in the costume, without the mouth as they animated it in post. Looking at the photo, it’s possible he got it from somewhere else. Especially with the writing at the bottom saying “Tom Anthony Played the Kool-Aid Man”. I can’t imagine that’s an autograph either. This is all fishy.

He shows some more commercials, more catchphrases, then brings up the existence of the comic books and the video games. With what I believe is Mega Man music playing (please correct me because I’m probably wrong). Then he shows old footage of him as Kool-Aid Man. Wonder how many more of those we’re going to get.

He starts with the Marvel comic, how Kool-Aid Man fights the Thirsties, IG uses the word “cottonmouth” twice. Wouldn’t “dehydration” be a better word? They’re the Thirsties, they make you thirsty. But I guess that’s the hick in him coming out.
He turns the comic over and shows the ad for the video game, noting how if you sent away 125 points, you would get a game on the Atari 2600, or the Intellivision. When he mentions the consoles, he shows old footage from the 2009 review. Making it clear he no longer has either console. In fact, I double checked the last video and when he was talking about King Kong on Atari, he showed a backwards compatible 7800. If it’s like the others, he only has the console and none of the cables.

He claims he grew up playing Atari (bullshit) and thought this promotion was really cool. Uh huh…
“I think this game was pretty much the only one that did something like this” Incorrect. Remember Chase the Chuck Wagon? Send in proofs of purchase of Purina Dog Chow and you got an Atari 2600 game. It’s considered one of the most sought after 2600 games, often fetching exorbitant prices on second-hand markets.

He briefly talks about the games (using recycled footage from the old video), and I do mean briefly because it doesn’t even last 30 seconds. Then why did you put “video games” in the title if you were barely going to talk about them? He even said on Facebook that this video was “part History of Video Games”. Bullcrap! You barely went into them!

He moves onto other prizes you could get, showing his own Kool-Aid watch, Kool-Aid canteen, and a Kool-Aid baby bottle. Then a dumb bit where he wonders what he’ll do with it and then blows air into it. Is this where all his money goes? Buying dumb shit from the 80’s?
He shows off the rest of them, claiming they came out annually. I don’t think that’s entirely true. The first three issues were published by Marvel from 1983 to 85, then Archie Comics published the rest from 1987 to 1990. That doesn’t seem like “annually” to me.

He brings up the villain Scorch, how he had a life outside of the comics with a toy and appearances in a commercial. Said commercial promoting a sweepstakes for more Kool-Aid items. Including another baby bottle which annoys IG. You… you do realize these promotions are for kids, right? That includes babies. Just saying.

Then… lists. He just lists flavors. I don’t give enough of a shit to see if he’s right about the year they came out. He also shows commercials for some them. How the “great” thing about them was the wacky commercials. I feel my brain melting.
IG gushes over how “wacky” the 80’s commercials were. Notes the inspiration from MTV, asks if the creators were on drugs, he’s not really saying anything of substance.
He makes a big deal of how the packaging changed from his face to the Kool-Aid Man taking part in athletic feats.
Then another ad campaign about a Kool-Aid factory. Do any of his fans actually care about this?

Onto the 90’s, and Sharkleberry Fin. I recall him talking about this in the old videos. He must really like this one.
Then a dinosaur one, then a crocodile, then a flamingo… this is so dull. He shows the commercials too.
More flavors… more gimmicks…
Then I guess they stopped doing gimmicks and thus they weren’t as memorable. Dude, it’s a powder you make into a drink. Who gives a shit? Were your parents’ investors in General Foods?
He mentions how sometimes they bring back old flavors, but they’re “not as cool” because they don’t have the original packaging. There’s also discontinued flavors that are hard to find… yep… I don’t care.

As the video closes, he mentions that he got the old 80’s packs with the help of someone named Jimmy Tucker. No credit in the description?
Then he recycles the old Kool-Aid Man footage from 2009, while acting like he’s in the same room and throws the bottle at him. We can tell it’s not the same room! Stop thinking we’re stupid Chris.

Then he pays tribute to Tom Anthony who passed away last year. Specifically, on May 30th, 2020. Soooo either Chris has been sitting on this interview for over a year, or he faked it. Unless Chris posts the whole thing to his channel, I’m going with “fake”. Especially since his little tribute doesn’t even get his birth-year correct. Tom Anthony was born in 1926, Bores claims he was born 1922. How did you make an error that bad?!

That was really damn boring… You know, I get the feeling this was nothing more than excuse to show off his collection of old unopened Kool-Aid packs. For a history lesson, he barely goes into it. He doesn’t mention the creator of Kool-Aid, Edwin Perkins, how he made Kool-Aid in his mother’s kitchen, how it used to be a drink called “Fruit Smack”, he doesn’t mention the creator of the Kool-Aid Man, Marvin Potts, he doesn’t bring up how Kool-Aid Man became CGI in later years or his many voice actors. Even by Chris’ standards, this was lazy as balls.

Before I go, I want to address something. To my critics, the ones regurgitating the same talking points over and over. You say I have “no life” for doing this. How much time do you think I spend on this? Because truthfully, I don’t spend a lot. This is just something I can do to kill an hour (maybe more if it’s a longer video). This really isn’t the time sink you think it is.
And everyone going “You’ve been doing this for X years” … what’s your point? People like what I write, so I’m going to keep doing it.

That’s all for now. Stay safe, get vaccinated, and eventually we will overcome this pandemic.

Sources:

Tom Anthony's obituary 

Kool-Aid and Kool-Aid Man Wikipedia pages.