Wednesday, March 31, 2021

Utterly Bankrupt and Flavorless

Hope you’re all getting vaccinated. Make sure to schedule an appointment.
Oh? Bores posted something new, huh. *goes to check* … Are you serious? Kool-Aid again?! You can’t seriously be this creatively bankrupt. Surely, you can get outside your bubble and find a new topic. Are you hoping your fans forget you already covered this? Are you trying to appeal to new fans? It’s a pointless endeavor either way.

The video’s a little over 12 minutes, it won’t be too bad. … I hope.

We open on IG walking in front of his 80’s set. It still has Ren & Stimpy, it still has the Death of Superman, and he added Dragon Ball Z figures. Including Super Saiyan Vegeta, Mr. Satan, and Kid Buu, all of whom were not introduced until the 90’s. Is it that hard to fact check your stupid toys?
Anyway, he’s going to talk about Kool-Aid, and holds up a Kool-Aid Man toy.

Intro plays. Okay here’s something I don’t get. The video opens with the explosive “Irate Gamer” intro, but then he includes another for I Rate the 80’s (featuring royalty free Van Halen). Why have two intros?

He says Kool-Aid began in 1928. Incorrect, it’s 1927. Are you doing this on purpose?
He mentions flavored drinks were becoming commonplace. Okay, what were the other ones? … Not going to tell us?
He mentions the other “Kool-Aid” ventures while showing old photos, and eventually how they developed flavor packs. Listing the first flavors, then how they sold Kool-Aid to General Foods in 1954 (it was actually 1953, I am convinced he’s doing this on purpose).
More listing off flavors, the 60’s had more TVs with more commercials and newspaper ads. Claiming that kids gravitated towards one with a face on a pitcher. What’s your source on this Chris?

He doesn’t mention “Pitcher Man” but shows an old commercial from the 50’s when he didn’t have limbs. He just jumps ahead to the 70’s when he officially became the Kool-Aid Man. Showing some commercials, describing what happens in them, then he uses the phrase “recipe for win”. How do you do, fellow kids?!

He then brings up that he got to have a talk with Tom Anthony, the stuntman that played the Kool-Aid Man in the original 70’s commercials. Oh really.
He plays a bit, but I have my doubts that Chris actually conducted the interview. Mr. Anthony’s quality sounds really bad, like much older than 2020. Also, the context makes it clear that he’s talking about his time as Ronald McDonald's stunt double not Kool-Aid Man. Especially when he mentioned make-up. Can’t imagine there’s much make-up when you’re wearing a mascot costume. It’s possible Chris pulled this interview from somewhere else and dubbed his voice in pretending he was asking the questions. Unless Chris posts the full interview for all to hear, with Tom Anthony saying Chris’ name.

He then shows a photo he claims he got from Tom with him in the costume, without the mouth as they animated it in post. Looking at the photo, it’s possible he got it from somewhere else. Especially with the writing at the bottom saying “Tom Anthony Played the Kool-Aid Man”. I can’t imagine that’s an autograph either. This is all fishy.

He shows some more commercials, more catchphrases, then brings up the existence of the comic books and the video games. With what I believe is Mega Man music playing (please correct me because I’m probably wrong). Then he shows old footage of him as Kool-Aid Man. Wonder how many more of those we’re going to get.

He starts with the Marvel comic, how Kool-Aid Man fights the Thirsties, IG uses the word “cottonmouth” twice. Wouldn’t “dehydration” be a better word? They’re the Thirsties, they make you thirsty. But I guess that’s the hick in him coming out.
He turns the comic over and shows the ad for the video game, noting how if you sent away 125 points, you would get a game on the Atari 2600, or the Intellivision. When he mentions the consoles, he shows old footage from the 2009 review. Making it clear he no longer has either console. In fact, I double checked the last video and when he was talking about King Kong on Atari, he showed a backwards compatible 7800. If it’s like the others, he only has the console and none of the cables.

He claims he grew up playing Atari (bullshit) and thought this promotion was really cool. Uh huh…
“I think this game was pretty much the only one that did something like this” Incorrect. Remember Chase the Chuck Wagon? Send in proofs of purchase of Purina Dog Chow and you got an Atari 2600 game. It’s considered one of the most sought after 2600 games, often fetching exorbitant prices on second-hand markets.

He briefly talks about the games (using recycled footage from the old video), and I do mean briefly because it doesn’t even last 30 seconds. Then why did you put “video games” in the title if you were barely going to talk about them? He even said on Facebook that this video was “part History of Video Games”. Bullcrap! You barely went into them!

He moves onto other prizes you could get, showing his own Kool-Aid watch, Kool-Aid canteen, and a Kool-Aid baby bottle. Then a dumb bit where he wonders what he’ll do with it and then blows air into it. Is this where all his money goes? Buying dumb shit from the 80’s?
He shows off the rest of them, claiming they came out annually. I don’t think that’s entirely true. The first three issues were published by Marvel from 1983 to 85, then Archie Comics published the rest from 1987 to 1990. That doesn’t seem like “annually” to me.

He brings up the villain Scorch, how he had a life outside of the comics with a toy and appearances in a commercial. Said commercial promoting a sweepstakes for more Kool-Aid items. Including another baby bottle which annoys IG. You… you do realize these promotions are for kids, right? That includes babies. Just saying.

Then… lists. He just lists flavors. I don’t give enough of a shit to see if he’s right about the year they came out. He also shows commercials for some them. How the “great” thing about them was the wacky commercials. I feel my brain melting.
IG gushes over how “wacky” the 80’s commercials were. Notes the inspiration from MTV, asks if the creators were on drugs, he’s not really saying anything of substance.
He makes a big deal of how the packaging changed from his face to the Kool-Aid Man taking part in athletic feats.
Then another ad campaign about a Kool-Aid factory. Do any of his fans actually care about this?

Onto the 90’s, and Sharkleberry Fin. I recall him talking about this in the old videos. He must really like this one.
Then a dinosaur one, then a crocodile, then a flamingo… this is so dull. He shows the commercials too.
More flavors… more gimmicks…
Then I guess they stopped doing gimmicks and thus they weren’t as memorable. Dude, it’s a powder you make into a drink. Who gives a shit? Were your parents’ investors in General Foods?
He mentions how sometimes they bring back old flavors, but they’re “not as cool” because they don’t have the original packaging. There’s also discontinued flavors that are hard to find… yep… I don’t care.

As the video closes, he mentions that he got the old 80’s packs with the help of someone named Jimmy Tucker. No credit in the description?
Then he recycles the old Kool-Aid Man footage from 2009, while acting like he’s in the same room and throws the bottle at him. We can tell it’s not the same room! Stop thinking we’re stupid Chris.

Then he pays tribute to Tom Anthony who passed away last year. Specifically, on May 30th, 2020. Soooo either Chris has been sitting on this interview for over a year, or he faked it. Unless Chris posts the whole thing to his channel, I’m going with “fake”. Especially since his little tribute doesn’t even get his birth-year correct. Tom Anthony was born in 1926, Bores claims he was born 1922. How did you make an error that bad?!

That was really damn boring… You know, I get the feeling this was nothing more than excuse to show off his collection of old unopened Kool-Aid packs. For a history lesson, he barely goes into it. He doesn’t mention the creator of Kool-Aid, Edwin Perkins, how he made Kool-Aid in his mother’s kitchen, how it used to be a drink called “Fruit Smack”, he doesn’t mention the creator of the Kool-Aid Man, Marvin Potts, he doesn’t bring up how Kool-Aid Man became CGI in later years or his many voice actors. Even by Chris’ standards, this was lazy as balls.

Before I go, I want to address something. To my critics, the ones regurgitating the same talking points over and over. You say I have “no life” for doing this. How much time do you think I spend on this? Because truthfully, I don’t spend a lot. This is just something I can do to kill an hour (maybe more if it’s a longer video). This really isn’t the time sink you think it is.
And everyone going “You’ve been doing this for X years” … what’s your point? People like what I write, so I’m going to keep doing it.

That’s all for now. Stay safe, get vaccinated, and eventually we will overcome this pandemic.

Sources:
Kool-Aid and Kool-Aid Man Wikipedia pages.

57 comments:

  1. When I saw Chris paid tribute to Tom Anthony, I immediately had to look him up to see if he did it right. It would have been a nice touch if it wasn't for the factual error. This is the same person that profited off a death though.

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  2. His last name is starting to make more and more sense, now. It's not "Bore-is" or "Bore-es", it's just "Bores" because ahem well, he's "boring".

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    1. I still pronounce it "Boars." If Chris ever wants to criticize anyone for pronouncing it wrong, we can just say "I have an accent!" or "I pronounced it that way as a kid!"

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    2. He certainly has too many "flawls" with the way he pronounces certain words.

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  3. I'll also address people that have said I have no life by "obsessing over Bores."

    On average, I check this blog and the comments about 2-3 times a day (that is unless people are here to start shit). I don't discuss Bores outside of this blog or on my channel and even with this blog, I'm mainly here for the discussion.

    That is my final response to people commenting here being completely butthurt about me "not moving on."

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  4. Just throwing this out there,but I dont think dan or anyone posting here has " no life", Ive said before, I dont know anyone outside of what they post here. I do think over ten years or whatever is a long time to hold onto hatred for one person,and I disagree with some things which I bring up, but yeah, I know this isnt the only thing you guys do, and i hope you guys do have good lifes outside of this even if i dont agree with this one thing. I have a lot of common interests with people judging from the comments,so yeah, hope no one takes it as me saying they have "no life." Hope no one thinks that about me either haha.

    Didnt watch the latest video,they dont have kool aid where I live, so would have been lost on me.

    I dunno if this is an unpopular opinion or not, but in both the irate gamer and avgn godzilla reviews, they bring up the game boy game. I had it as a kid and had the same reaction of expecting a godzilla game and being like " WHAT IS THIS???" when it ended up being a cute bubble bobble looking thing with happy music,where you shoot a big fist out of your mouth to blow up rocks. But it actually is a fun little puzzle game and i ended up playing it a lot haha.

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    1. To be fair you could say that the cover to the GB is what the boxart to the first NES Mega Man is.:-D

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    2. Very true, both covers have about the same amount of relevance to the actual game haha.

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  5. Honestly, I think Boring Man is running out of material!
    -_-

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    Replies
    1. Adam Levine isn't as creatively bankrupt as Boring Man is right now.

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  6. In other news: Birdmemic 3 is actually happening......not that I'd guess that a whole lot of people care, but ehh. *shrug*

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK0Uli38N-c

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  7. If anyone is unaware, Cornshaq has completely disappeared. His Twitter is now suspended (looking permanently), his last Instagram post dates back to February 2020, and he has not uploaded a video in nine months as well as has comments disabled on a lot of his videos. Besides one community post saying he's taking a brief hiatus, the brief hiatus is starting to look like it's permanent. Even if he never uploads a video to YouTube, he does leave at least SOME kind of legacy (nothing but Luigi).

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    Replies
    1. I liked cornshaq. Can't believe he's gone. Wonder what happened?

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    2. I briefly looked into the situation and it appears that Cornshaq mentioned something to do with personal mental health as one of the main reasons for the lack on content in the past several months.

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  8. I don't know why Europe isn't importing America's vaccines. The US and UK are doing fine, but Europe is doing terrible with theirs. Apparently, Europe has had just one kind of vaccine, and it's had a very negative reception.

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    Replies
    1. You could say that South Africa's doing worse...

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  9. Someone asked Bores on FB why he doesn't continue with History of Video Games, and his response was "too time consuming."

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    1. Yet he has time to do Puppet Steve, Irate Gamer, AND Ghost Doctor. I would have LOVED to see him get to the NES where he said that Super Mario Bros was a launch title (it wasn't).

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  10. Chris took his 4 videos about "hidden" levels in Super Mario Bros. and edited them into a single video with a new ending. I am not going to bother watching it.

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    1. I'm not going to bother with that. This is beyond lazy.

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    2. He pronounces "Milon's Secret Castle" as "mill-on's" instead of "my-lon's"

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    3. @DoubleEdgedSword2 that's actually how the character's name is pronounced in Japan: https://ja.wikipedia.org/wiki/%E8%BF%B7%E5%AE%AE%E7%B5%84%E6%9B%B2_%E3%83%9F%E3%83%AD%E3%83%B3%E3%81%AE%E5%A4%A7%E5%86%92%E9%99%BA

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    4. OK. I was just going from the AVGN video on MSC.

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    5. Checked it myself, and John's right.

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  11. Chris literally just posted his Chris NEO video of hidden Mario levels and made it the new Irate Gamer episode. This is so fucking lazy even for Chris Bores standards. Is he hoping his fans forgot about Chris NEO? I saw comments calling him out on it (which were deleted).

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  12. I just checked out Puppet Steve for the first time in months and despite having 845k subscribers, many of his newer videos only break 30k views. It would not surprise me if Chris subbotted on that channel (he's been caught using bots before many times).

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    1. COPPA also did a lot of damage to Puppet Steve. Remember that he was covering a lot of toy lines on stuff like IT which isn't kid friendly at all. Chris is making the same mistake he did on Irate Gamer where he took the popularity for granted (and I'm NEVER doing the Rise and Fall of Puppet Steve).

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    2. @SpyroFan

      Chris has already confirmed that he sold off most of his gaming stuff years ago. I doubt he has much NES and SNES stuff to sell.

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  13. Chris has re enabled comments on a lot of his older videos and I'm now reading a bunch of comments from 12 years ago.

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    1. Reading the comments on Chris' videos is cringe heaven.

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  14. What would it be like if Bores reviews anime?

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    1. Probably the same as him hyping Dragon Ball Evolution.

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    2. It would be just like his reviews, unfunny and filled with special effects

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  15. Rapper DMX is confirmed dead.

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  16. I don't care if you're spending just 5 minutes writing these articles or several days. That's not the point when we bring up the fact that you have no life for writing and keeping up such a petty blog dedicated to crapping all over one individual. The fact that you're spending time on this AT ALL, even many years after the average person has stopped caring about Bores and has moved on to actual scummy and relevant YouTubers, is pathetic.

    You're free to keep up the posts for your two fans that actually are as obsessed with Chris as you are and for as long as you enjoy doing it, but people like me have the right to think you're pathetic and stuck in the past for doing so. Deal with it bud.

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    1. Ironically the same can be said for your fixation on telling off these people. XD

      You're free to keep up the posts for your [nil] fans that actually are as obsessed with [people obsessed with Chris] as you are and for as long as you enjoy doing it, but people like me have the right to think you're pathetic and stuck in [a continuous loop] for doing so. Deal with it [nematode].

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    2. Likewise, Nevadan's post makes the presumption that Bores is not "scummy", but, apparently, an honest and forthright entertainer who cares deeply about facts. If Bores wants that reputation, for my money he could start by posting the clip of his supposed "Hardcore Pawn" appearance, or just name the season and episode number, or admit he lied and remove all references to the show from his promotional materials such as the bottom of pursuitoftheparanormal.com. Then actually work hard at writing, verifying and publishing facts in all of his future media endeavors.

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  17. Off topic but do any of you know the deep shit Spoony has been in the past few years. Here's a quick rundown!
    -His website has been broken for about a year but it's still on his twitter
    -He ran a red light and was in an accident that hospitalized 2 people
    -April broke up with him and has cut off all contact with him. (Honestly good for her)
    -The bank has foreclosed on his house and he's being forced to move back in with family
    -He rarely if ever streams and when he does he's mostly just silent and ignores chat where he's obviously aggravated by them
    -He's on twitter and he complains every day that his life is a mess and there's nothing he can do to change it, any time someone offers advice he tells them to fuck off

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    1. Diagnosis: Fucked up. And a self-pitying attention whore.

      What specific event happened in his life that caused him to careen out of control? The guy even has education on his back, does he not?

      If he was serious about fixing himself up, he'd seek remediation and sever ties with internet. Shit's caustic; there's more to life out there than consumerism + 'geek culture' shit.

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    2. I once tried giving Spoony advice after his Down The Rabbit Hole came out and he blocked me and got incredibly salty. I think he legitimately doesn't want any help.

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    3. Yeah, I'm positive he doesn't want help. Ergo, Noah shouldn't be surprised where he may find himself in the continuing years to follow if his arrogance / hubris holds tightly.

      It happens, but reality is that people very rarely change -- unless they want resolve badly enough.

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    4. There was a controlling negative providence that told Spoony, "OK, you've had the glory, now let's see if you can handle the pain."

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    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  18. Hmm, he changed his channel completely, even the announcement of tigg where he compares it with angry birds is back

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  19. Going back to my Bores reviewing anime question, how would these anime reviews play out?

    Magic Knight Rayearth
    Neon Genesis Evangelion
    Gurren Lagann
    My Hero Academia
    Yu Yu Hakusho

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    1. @GangstaLizard95 Bores would be too stuck in the 80's to understand any of those series. Remember, Bores is the same man that thinks Captain N and Pixels are good.

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    2. I doubt Chris has even heard of any of those animes.

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    3. Eh, I think Captain N was OK, because it was one of the many DIC cartoons that got a lot of love on ITV and Channel 4 in the UK.

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    4. Eventhough Captain N wasn't that good, at least it made way for Super Smash Bros., 10 years later.

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    5. Yeah it's a guilty pleasure of mine. Have the DVDs, playlisted the official Wildbrain uploads of it on YT.

      Even did a Dragon Quest wiki article for it.

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  20. Chris just posted an entire video about an arcade cabinet. So fucking Boring even for Bores' standards. Would it be THAT hard to script it?

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  21. so chris has a new video out a boring arcade cabinet video ugh Dan will you be making a blog on this i think you should it is so boring

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  22. New IG video...another damn arcade cabinet.

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  23. And another IG video...Top 10 movies. Man, he really is out of ideas!

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