Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Commercial and a film "reveiw" What else is new?

Man it’s been a while hasn’t it? I’m feeling much better and Bores is still a moron.
I’m going to skip his Star Trek and E3 videos because I don’t feel like watching them, and I’ll wait until he uploads his Boom Blox review to YouTube because watching videos on GottGame is like using RealPlayer.

Instead I’ll cover two smaller videos that are both utterly awful.

The first is a commercial for an NES Clone from the website thinkgeek. Yes another video where Chris Bores whores himself out and disguises it as a review.

He goes on about it being “awesome” and how you can plug it into a TV. Bores notes that he mistakes the reset button for the Select Button even though their nowhere close together, and he’s playing Mega Man to show this. Even though the only reason to use the Select Button in that game is to Pause it and YOU KNOW WHAT screw it.

Bores then lists off the games the Retro Mini can play pointing to “Tengen Games, Unlicensed games” neglecting to mention that Tengen games are unlicensed. Then tries to joke “Games sent from Heaven” and jump-cuts Bible Adventures into it. I’m sorry you have Heaven confused with Hell because Bible Adventures is a horrible game.

After noting it can’t play Castlevania III (a common problem in NES Clones) he says “Now there are some ‘drawlbacks’ to this thing” Yeah he still fucks up his “-aw” words.

He notes one “drawlback” is the inability to play light-gun games. No shit Sherlock those games were meant for a TV Screen. Then he asks if it works with ROB… gee if it doesn’t work for Light-Guns WHY WOULD IT WORK FOR ROB? He actually tests it… what a douche.

Bores ends the commercial saying he hopes for a portable Atari one day, because playing games with pixel counts in the double-digits would make a perfect handheld clone. USE YOUR BRAIN YOU SACK OF CRAP! By the way he shows an Atari 7800 when referencing Atari, no comment. What about the battery life Chris? An important factor of a handheld is long battery life. What about the lack of portability? The NES Carts are bigger then the system itself so it’s not exactly portable.

Could you be anymore of a whore Chris Bores? Well I’ll give him brownie points for not using Shane Dawson’s method of prostitution where he begs people for 5 Stars and believes any publicity is good publicity.

I should note that a couple weeks before this video he reported his Hard Drive crashed and he lost all of his work. I instantly called bullshit because he never gave a specific time-stamp just “over the weekend.” Plus he couldn’t back the files up to a thumb drive or some storage device? If these videos are important to your income then why wouldn’t you back them up? This “commercial” was something he threw together because… *tries looking for the answer but doesn’t find one* because he’s a whore.

The second video is a film “review” of GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra. Since Bores has a boner for everything GI Joe I’m going to expect a glowing review.

IG starts by saying he noticed the feedback was like X-Men Origins: Wolverine and split down the middle. What reviews are you reading? There were more people that hated Wolverine then people that liked it. Also it wasn’t mixed with GI Joe the response was overwhelmingly negative. Hell people who weren’t even fans knew it was crap from the commercials!

He notes the story isn’t as deep as “The Dark Knight” you know I’m surprised he could sit through The Dark Knight since it sounds like he hates anything with a real story (Watchmen). His only problem was the amount of characters… really?

Again he doesn’t explain why these things are good or bad. He says there’s too many characters but doesn’t say why that’s a problem. Bores doesn’t even give a synopsis of the story, he just said “it wasn’t deep.” Really Bores you can’t review movies, stop trying.

People go watch The Cinema Snob, SpoonyOne, the Nostalgia Critic, or hell James Rolfe’s film reviews for Spike TV’s website. They’re actual film reviews worth watching and they review films worth seeing (mostly films that you should avoid).

I should point out in the description for the GI Joe review he says his Transformers: RotF and Harry Potter film reviews are on his Hard Drive and he can’t post them yet. Seriously you can’t even remake them? You can’t spend 10 minutes in Windows Movie Maker with pictures, a microphone, and a script that consists of the same 3 lines you use in EVERY REVIEW?

Other then these two videos the Irate Gamer released nothing, except for some more Ghost Hunting garbage but if I wanted to be bored out of my skull I’d watch C-SPAN. Because of this I’m not sure what I’ll write next time but it’s good to be back!

7 comments:

  1. Great analysis. Concerning the "Ghost Hunting garbage", it may just be a coincidence but "Haunted Investigators" appears incredibly similiar to a tv show that has been broadcast in the UK since 2002 called "Most Haunted". check it out on Wikipedia/Youtube and you'll see what I mean

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  2. Yeah my friend from the UK told me about that. The US have their own Ghost Hunting shows, three I know of are Ghost Hunters, Ghost Adventures, and The Othersiders (a teenage version shown on Cartoon Network, but that's is a long story in itself).

    One interesting thing I heard (and thus looked at) is that the first "Haunted Investigators" DVD Cover looks very similar to the DVD Cover of Ghost Hunters Season 2. Try comparing them on Amazon.

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  3. Wait just a minute! He killed ROB when he reviewed it!

    I haven't seen any continuity flubs like that since Space Mutiny!

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  4. Blast Hardcheese would like a word with you, after he performs another RAILING KILL!

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  5. Wow. Bores just sunk to a whole new level of shit!

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  6. I hated Wolverine and Rise of Cobra. In fact, Paramount opted not to screen the movie with TV and print critics, and use only internet ones as a result of the backlash from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It still got widely panned.

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  7. "The girls they picked for this film were also very nice to look at too."

    Stay classy, Bores.

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