Thursday, May 6, 2010

Redux Recap: You Suck-Diddly-Uck Bores! + There's More to Life than Cereal.

Now that the dust caused by his latest train wreck has cleared, let’s return to the Redux Recaps.

Before I start today’s review (The Simpsons Game) I want to address why The Breakfast Rant was a completely retarded idea.

Not content with just ripping off the AVGN, Bores took notice of another James Rolfe series “You Know What’s Bullshit?” Short videos where James expresses his dislike towards things he finds to be bullshit. These include the security stickers on DVDs, pennies, shoelaces, and pens at post offices (the ones that are attached to the desk).So being the unoriginal douchebag he is, he decided to make a “new series” dedicated to something he hates… breakfast.
Wait what?

The first Breakfast Rant video has Bores expressing his disdain for Lucky Charms Marshmallows because the shapes are different from when he was a kid. Yes, he made an entire 1 minute 23 second video dedicated to how a sugary cereal sucks now because it’s cosmetically different. How can anyone take this idiot seriously?
Who the hell cares? Do these new marshmallow shapes somehow change the taste? No, it still tastes the same. It’s all going to come out the same anyway.
It would make sense to rant if they got rid of the marshmallows altogether but they’re still there. So why are you complaining?

There’s also the catchphrase “Breakfast is Ruined!” So, just because one cereal is different means ALL of breakfast is ruined. Let’s look at all the different food options people can have for breakfast.
Cereal, pancakes, waffles, muffins (regular and English), toast, oatmeal, doughnuts, bacon, sausage, eggs, breakfast sandwiches (E.G. Egg McMuffins), cold pizza, omelets, and that’s just over here in the USA. I’m sure different countries eat different foods for breakfast.
So, because one cereal is different means all of these various foods are ruined. I take it you don’t understand basic logic.

This wasn’t the only Breakfast Rant video he made. He made one more about Cinnamon Toast Crunch mascots. Gee, last I checked Cinnamon Toast Crunch has tasted the same throughout the years. Not to mention nobody cares if they got rid of two of the bakers, because NOBODY remembers them.
Even the Nostalgia Critic didn’t consider them important enough to learn their names for his “Top 11 Cereal Mascots” video and he located footage of Sugar Bear on “Linus the Lionhearted” just for this video.

We thought we saw the last of his moronic rants about cereal… until Halloween 2009 came around.
Bores changed the name from “The Breakfast Rant” to “I Rate the 80s” claiming that he wants to cover more than just breakfast.
And he’s only made two videos in this series as well. The first was about Fruity Yummy Mummy, a fruity cereal in the same vein as Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry. It sucked so it was discontinued.
Not understanding how basic economics work, Bores hopes they bring Yummy Mummy back for a limited time. Yeah…

The second video was released after the Kool-Aid Man review. The Bores discusses gimmicky Kool-Aid flavors and how many of them were discontinued. Once again, he hopes they bring back these flavors for a limited time.
He also tries to make this “the new Breakfast Rant” by saying “Beverages are Ruined.” Some of his haters saw this as a desperate plea, as in “please keep making fun of me, I’m only 2 steps away from going Tom Green.”
Strange how The Bores has only ranted about food. Was food the only thing that existed in his tiny world in the 80s? I don’t know and looking further is only going to insult me. Let’s move on.

Yeah I padded this out because today’s review is only 4 minutes long (rounded up). The Simpsons Game for the PS2 (also for PS3, 360, Wii, DS, and PSP… BUT HE DOESN’T SAY THAT).

He also advertises this as his first “Irate Gamer Neo” review (not in the theme song). Irate Gamer Neo is a “spin-off” where he reviews modern games. It’s the exact same show, only it’s shorter, and Bores is insulting modern games for idiotic reasons. He also only plays 1-3 levels in each game, unless he can cheat his way through.

Intro: As far as I can tell, this is the only time he used the “Presented by Y2B Productions” card. You’ll also see logos from “GottGame” and “Freezecracker”.

GottGame is a radio show turned video game site, they also host the Irate Gamers’ modern reviews. For some reason, the creator SWAG thinks Bores is a legitimate and original gamer. Trying to figure out why he thinks that results in the normally intelligent SWAG to devolve into a petulant 10 year old.

Freezecracker is another video game site, this one created by one of the members of “Game Life Show” (a sad chapter of video game reviewing that I’d like to forget). They quickly got rid of The Bores after the plagiarism accusations got too numerous.

0:22 - 0:26: “The Simpsons Video Game.” Actually it’s just The Simpsons Game. Do you see the word “video” in the title?

0:27 - 0:47: “Just looking at one frame of this game will make any hardcore Simpsons fan foam at the mouth.” I didn’t foam at the mouth when I first saw this game.
He also shows an animated clip from the game, the only funny thing in this video.

0:48 - 0:59: He holds up the box and to my surprise he does that thing where he narrates over footage of himself instead of just talking on camera. I guess he’s always been doing that.
“When I heard there was going to be a new Simpsons game, I was a-static.” It’s ecstatic, why can’t you pronounce the Hard C sound?
“Hell, Simpson is even my middle name.” Not funny. “Well, not really. But it should be, because I’m a huge fan the show.” …


1:00 - 1:17: “To date, I still think the best Simpsons game is the Arcade game, The Simpsons.” That’s a tad redundant isn’t it? *rewind* That’s a tad redundant isn’t it?
He also mentions the three “fuck-tacular” Simpsons games on the NES and he’ll save those for a later review.
Gee, it’s been over two years and I’ve heard nothing about these games getting reviewed. Want to bet that if he does review them he’ll steal from the AVGN’s Simpsons review?

1:18 - 1:45: Bores starts the “review”. He notes how the game starts with a cutscene of Homer in the land of chocolate and that it’s based off a gag from an episode. Can you tell us which episode? I guess he had troubling saying “Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk”.
He also points out the music is different from the original scene. I have a question, who the fuck cares?
“You have to follow the white chocolate rabbit. *pause*” No reference to Alice in Wonderland? Of course not, that would make sense.

1:45 - 1:53: Here he talks about the graphics and how they’re “FAN-tastic”. *yawns*

1:53 - 2:20: “Now there are some downsides” Wait wait, you’re just going to praise the graphics? What about control, gameplay, writing? I know writing normally isn’t important but this is Simpsons game, is the game funny?
“And being the Irate Gamer that I am, I’m going to exploit these weaknesses…” Something about that line annoys me, but I can’t figure it out.

He starts complaining about the camera angles, how they never help him, and cause him to die too often. I’ve played this game, the camera angles aren‘t like that. You died because you suck Chris.

2:20 - 2:35: “Besides that, this a cool game and there’s not much I can say” Woah woah woah. You’re done? What about the controls? The gameplay? ANYTHING? You praise the graphics, criticize the camera, and then say “oh it’s a cool game.”
He follows that with “I don’t get why Sideshow Mel is a security guard.” Who cares? Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask why there’s two clones of Sideshow Mel?

2:35 - 2:41: “I beat the first level with no problem at all.” As he says that, you’ll see the status screen say “Target: 5:00. Best: 9:55” Woooooow, you really suck at this game.

2:41 - 3:01: “Aside from trying to solve various puzzles along the way…” You’ll see why this line is idiotic very shortly.
“Younger kids will enjoy this because it isn’t hard like say Ghosts N Goblins” Wait what? What’s this about now?
*sighs* Bores starts complaining about Ghosts N Goblins again. Why? Apparently he “can’t get over how bad it is.” Why are you bringing this up? Is this another attempt to be like the AVGN where he references past reviews? Except when he does it, it relates to the game having a similar problem. When you do it, it’s random and forced.
By the way, younger kids? Did you really think parents were watching your shit and saying “Hmm, maybe little Tommy would like The Simpsons Game.” Even worse, he still thinks this happens today (“Parents [Dante’s Inferno] does have nudity”).

3:01 - 3:10: Here he praises the amount of characters in the game. “The more characters the better I always say” So that explains Ronnie, Devil Bores, Evil Cliché, Tony, and Cousin Joey. … Wait no it doesn’t.

3:11 - 3:29: IG then praises the ability to explore 742 Evergreen Terrace (if you were a true fan you’d say the address). I don’t care, talk about how you can explore ALL of Springfield and not just The Simpsons’ home.

3:29 - 3:40: And now, immense stupidity.
“I’ve only gotten up to Level 3 so I haven’t explored any of the cooler stages, but I’m sure the rest of the game is good.” He didn’t even beat the game. He only played two levels, but still gave it a review. That’s not a review, that’s first impressions.
And this isn’t the game’s fault, it’s not an immensely difficult, badly designed game. He was too lazy to beat this game. What the hell?
Everything he just said? Everything about the puzzles, the difficulty, the characters, throw it all out. It doesn’t count, this review doesn’t count. Go back and try again. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.

The review ends telling us to “check the game out” and delivers a painful Mr. Burns impression.

This review sucked. It just plain sucked. I’ve seen reviews suck before, but this was the suckiest bunch of suck that ever sucked!

I conclude today’s post with an update from The Bores.
“Episode 34 (Top Secret)”
“Things get a little bit crazy for this installement…”
“Installement?” Why do you bother?

Until next time.

90 comments:

  1. "there more characters the better I always says"

    That explains the remark he made in the muscle review, about how "a thousand characters wouldn't have made a bit of difference". Finding consistency in his videos is harder than finding a spek of dust in space

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  2. Nice Simpsons reference at the end...

    I gotta go; my wiener kids are listening...

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  3. Once my exams are over and I get some decent video editing software I think I'll venture into the realms of Irate Gamer Parody, then do a one off Game Dude one. By the way, what did you think of the Simpsons game?

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  4. Some things I've been wondering about The Joker being pissed about the joke being explained to him: Which episode from which Batman animated series featured an adaptation of that scene, and who provided the voice for The Joker in the cartoon version of that episode?

    And I didn't know that Bores letting the audience know that Simpson is not his middle name was his explaining the joke.

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  5. @fattoler
    I liked the game. It was a fun time, and proof a good Simpsons game can be made (that and Hit & Run).

    @vnisanian2001
    It's from the episode Mad Love, it's on the fourth DVD (all the Batman: Gotham Knights episodes) and the voice is Mark Hamill, it's always been Mark Hamill (at least in Batman: TAS).
    The episode was adapted from a comic written by Paul Dini.

    No the explaining part was "Well, not really. It should be, because I'm a huge fan."

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  6. @BatDan

    Thanks for the tip, I think I'll pick it up if it's on sale.

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  7. You know something?

    I just a had a thought...

    A Youtube user by the name of Cyberwolf087 was, and probably still is, making his own series of "Bullshit" videos. Despite the name, his "Bullshit" videos are, supposedly, inspired by James Rolfe's "Bullshit" videos, but that is in name alone. As a matter of fact, Cyberwolf stated himself that it is a "parody" of Jame's Rolfe's videos. However, I doubt the two video series should have anything to do with each other.

    It is one thing to rant about something funny like pennies, shoelaces, and DVD covers, even though of course those things are, indeed, bullshit, it is a whole FUCKING other to rant about Gender barriers, Soccer moms, and Sarah Palin's shit fit about that one episode of Famlily Guy. Cyberwolf claims it to be a parody, and yet unlike James Rolfes rants about silly shit, Cyberwolf is deals with serious topics. Dead, fucking, serious topics. Topics that are Veeeeeery popular amongst Youtube ranters like Big Al 2k6.

    Think about it. James' "Bullshit" videos rant about silly inconveniences and other stupid things in a style of regular ranters, who normally rant about how Paris Hilton is a fucking whore and that Disney and Nickelodeon are pandering to the lowest common denominator(i.e. preps and jocks). To put it bluntly, Youtube ranters rant about Paris Hilton, James rants about inconsistent movie sequel titles. That, right smegging there, is a parody!

    Now tell me, isn't a parody supposed to be a work that imitates the style of another work, but with a humorous and/or satirical twist? If that's the case, how in god's name is a rant about soccer moms appearing on national television supposed to be a parody of a rant about printers?!

    Of course, Cyberwolf wouldn't copy James Rolfe, because James Rolfe has better things to do than to rant about some coked-up skank.

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  8. @fattoler

    I wonder what kind of character you'll create (especially the name)? I've already thought out much of my concept when I decided to do the InAnimate Gamer 'series'.

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  9. @Anonymous

    That reminds me a funny comment on HOVG3 video in response to the AVGN copying issue...

    "Also, I don't think the avgn copyrights his videos, so it's not plagiarism. The concept and practice is open to everyone, so calm down."

    lolfirstamendment.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. @BatDan
    Well, he actually made a video about the Archie TMNT comics, which is the only non-gaming or food related video he has ever done as the IG.

    But I can't tell how much wrong he is since I never read the comics.

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  12. @BatDan
    The problem with the Breakfast Rant that is not that people don't care about cereal or breakfast, it is the fact that the presentation is coming from Bores (me to death). We all know the Bores has a way of talking in a way that is utterly BORING. He could talk about the most interesting stuff, (like Star Wars, or video games) and you find yourself not caring. Compare that to Nostalgia Critic who could talk about shitty movies that NOBODY cares about but you find yourself interested in what he has to say.

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  13. There is also a Christmas video that he made, but I couldn't find it in YouTube. I guess he took it down from there. Instead I found it from the IrateGamerSucks Dailymotion account that you posted some time ago. That is a rather pointless video and I bet you can recognize the background music.

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  14. @joncat501

    In this case though, he bores us with monotonous voice, pointless rants and uninteresting topics. He fucked up at three basic things at the same time.

    And the NC can take movies that are inherently boring and not really worth the trouble to care about, and yet find a way to make us laugh at least once (like the Boring music video on Junior).

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  15. @Anonymous (May 6, 2010 8:43 pm)
    I can recall in his movie reviews, he always says that he never read the comics. Meaning Chris Bores knows nothing on ant franchise.

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  16. Oops. Made a typo. I meant "any".

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  17. @InAnimateGamer

    I thought the name 'Cantankerous Gamer' would be good or 'Irate Gamer Dude'. Basically I will speak in a monotone while occasionally referencing my odd sexual fetishes and creeping.

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  18. @Zinger314
    This reply will be answered by Morbo.
    FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS DO NOT WORK THAT WAY!
    Thank you Morbo.

    @Anon (May 6th, 8:46 PM)
    Oh yeah I remember that video. Good lord was that boring. I mean, the movie reviews are bad enough but I actually fell asleep watching it.

    @joncat501
    That is a good point. However, the context of the breakfast rants is unbelievably retarded. It's always small details that don't effect the overall meal.
    Still, a good actor could take a similar subject and make it interesting. Bores on the other hand lives up to his name.

    @Anon (May 6th, 8:55 PM)
    It can also be seen on y2b2010's channel. It was taken down by YouTube for using footage from Elf Yourself. I guess JibJab didn't want people using it back then.
    It also had that really lame scene where he tells us Merry Christmas and a Bullet Bill flies by for no reason. He re-used it in one of his 2008 videos.

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  19. @Raccoonman900
    I'm sure that he refers to the Mirage comics (even though he has an issue, and not for collection or anything). But as I said, I can't really tell how much he knows about the Archie ones.

    He also contradicts himself by saying that he only reviewed the 3 NES TMNT games, rather than 5 as he bragged at various points.

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  20. “And being the Irate Gamer that I am, I’m going to exploit these weaknesses... to, to comedic-comedic affect.” Don't know if that helps.

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  21. I know this isn't the same video, but I just watched Bores review of Final Fantasy III for the DS. When he explains the chronology of the series, it looks so much like AVGN's "Chronologically Confused" its not even funny. I know that its important to explain the chronology of the series, but did he have to make it look nearly identical to James' video?

    As for the Kool-Aid review, I will agree with the Bores and say it would be cool to have a lot of those flavors again, but in no way are beverages ruined! Why make a bad video worse by saying something stupid like that!

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  22. I get a headache when I try and envision what kind of "crazy" antics will take place in his 34th "installement." Since the main influence of his humor is cheesy 80s sitcoms, it will undoubtedly involve even more... ugh, "zaniness" than usual.

    Here's a video that made me lol, because of the hysterically ironic juxtaposition of an Irate Gamer video and laughter:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDEVELW8ddU

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  23. @anon (May 7, 8:51 AM)
    I guess that's what the irate gamer thinks is happening when people watch his shitty videos

    ReplyDelete
  24. @anon (May 7, 8:51 AM)

    I'll take any 80's sitcom over anything Bores does any day of the week. By the way, has anyone seen this video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDEVELW8ddU

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  25. @anon (May 7, 8:51 AM)
    hahaha that makes his video so much more enjoyable, funny shit

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  26. Who eats cold pizza for breakfast?

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  27. @atebit
    He did that before in Goonies II with the "confusing" order of Donkey Kong games. That time he tried to hide it was original (he failed since people called him out on that one). In Final Fantasy III, it's like he wasn't even trying to hide that he was stealing from The Nerd.

    @Mezase Master
    *whistles nonchalantly* It tastes good alright!

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  28. This maybe off topic, but you may want to check on the comments on this video:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCRvnxkCY7g

    Some guy has the nerve of calling IG's History "accurate".

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  29. @vicviper592
    There's always some dumb IG fan who says that, it's not really that surprising.

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  30. I have a theory as to where all those pop culture references come from. Bores writes his scripts using Mad Libs.

    "I just bought the first season of (mildly popular 90s TV show) on DVD."

    "These come in four colors: red, yellow, blue, and (famous sports figure who is not a color.)"

    "If you press the Party button, ROB will (forgettable catchphrase from late 90s hit song.)"

    It's probably how Family Guy writes their scripts as well. (Manatees and balls? Come on!)

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  31. @anon (May 9, 11:26 AM)

    I always thought he took the 'throwing darts at sticky notes on the wall while blindfolded' approach.

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  32. Or maybe he has a bunch of cards with phrases like "I'd rather" and "random expletive" which he then shuffles up to string out one liners.

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  33. You make a almost as many errors as Bores does.
    I can think of two off the top of my head. You stated in your Sonic Unleashed review that the game had an MSRP of $60. Sonic Unleashed was a family game so it's MSRP was $50.
    In your Super Mario Bros. 2 you listed Adventure Island as one of the the games where you kill enemies to get health. If you actually played that game you'd realize your chcacrter dies in one hit and has no health meter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Two is not 'almost as many' as IG. Most of Batdan's errors are to do with spelling and punctuation, NOT to do with facts. IG repeatedly makes errors in both, which is unforgivable considering he's making money from this shit.

      Delete
  34. @ some guy above me

    You do realize that Dan is so upset that he could make mistakes sometimes. I'd rather relate him to Nerd, since the Nerd, because he was also usually upset, made a pretty small number of mistakes too. You know, like calling 7-up Spot 7-11 Spot or claiming that you can't shoot forward in Ghostbuster for the Master System?

    You must come to realize that most of these mistakes are based on games that suck so hard, they shouldn't even exist!

    And even then, at least he tries to do research(if necessary), and gets it right most of his time. Irate Lamer obviously was OUT to make as many errors as possible! And worst of all, he makes so many mistakes in almost all, if not completely all, his videos!! And why is that?! Because he's STUPID, just like his target audience.

    Top that, DOG MEAT! >:)

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  35. So you read this blog eh Chris? (If that's you) If that's the case then try taking notes on how you can improve your work, then perhaps we might like you.

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  36. @Obvious IG Fanboy
    Everyone makes mistakes, Linkara has made them, Spoony has made them, the AVGN has made them, the Nostalgia Critic has made them, all Internet reviewers make mistakes.

    However, the Irate Gamer makes a mistake in ALMOST EVERY VIDEO. It isn't like the names mentioned where it only happens once in a while, you could find a mistake in all his game reviews. Sometimes even his movies reviews.

    I said $60 for Sonic Unleashed because that's the average price of a 360 game, it's not a big deal if I'm wrong.
    And wow I mixed up a timer and health bar.

    Go back to your fat idol, maybe he could protect you with his "8 Years of Martial Arts" that he constantly has to bring up.

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  37. @BatDan
    There's nothing wrong by calling the "timer" in Adventure Island as a health bar, since that is what it looks like. Besides, you replenish it with food, so it's still a health bar, just a non-traditional one.

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  38. You know, I had a nice little comment prepped up in response to the anonymous "genius" who posted some time ago (the one who posted on MAY 9, 2010 10:04 PM), but in an incredibly rare display of Borian thinking, I turned off the browser tab without posting the comment.

    So here we go again.

    While I can't argue with the price range of games, I can dispute the "health meter debate" in Adventure Island. Though it has already been touched up, I'm add my two pennies in anyway.

    It's been my understanding that Adventure Island games refer to the meter above as a vitality meter, which acts as a sort of timer for each level. Vitality equals health, more or less. Though it doesn't not operate as a traditional health meter per se, you must still collect floating food to replenish Master Higgins' vitality meter and keep him from passing out once meter is emptied.

    And while the majority of enemies and obstacles will kill Master Higgins in one hit, tripping over rocks or collecting cursed eggplants will DRAIN your vitality meter, leaving you with less time to complete a level.

    So in a sense, it's a health meter, even if it doesn't operate the same way as in other games. Therefore, you know what, Dan? You didn't mix anything up; in this case, they're one and the same.

    Of course, it should be noted that in the WiiWare release, Adventure Island: The Beginning, whenever Master Higgins touches certain enemies, Higgins does not die instantly, but rather loses a portion of vitality. Thus, in effect, the meter acts as a health meter proper.

    So yes, mistakes happen. But when you can pick out more mistakes than actual points from a work, then there are major issues with the work in question.

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  39. As an addendum to my previous post, you'll note that I pointed out the name of the main character in Adventure Island. Surely, the anonymous chucklehead who pointed out the "mistakes" would have known his name if he played it. Unless he went by the Game Genie code book and called him Hudson.

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  40. Two things:

    1) Dan writes a blog, he doesn't make YT videos that will be watched by thousands, and he doesn't claim to know all "the ins and outs" of video games.

    2) The mistakes anon pointed out are very minor. He never said things like "The Genesis came after the SNES".

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  41. I'm 99.9% sure that Sonic Unleashed was a $60 game. Google "sonic unleashed $60" and see how many reviews pop up (including IGN's review)

    Meanwhile, there are no pertinent results with "sonic unleashed $50"

    ReplyDelete
  42. @Zinger314
    That would be the PS3/360 versions, but the Wii version was $50 at release.

    ReplyDelete
  43. @Anonymous

    The Irate Gamer reviewed the 360 version. BatDan noted that he was reviewing the 360 version when he did the Sonic Unleashed review and made the $60 MSRP remark.

    There is no loss of continuity.

    So yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  44. @ Anon(May 10, 2010 9:44 AM)

    Aaaaaaaaw.
    I'm sorry. If you had a decent argument, I could've called you RAT BREATH. I need a good Anon! And you didn't even try to make a good excuse! Go home to mama, DOG MEAT! You're through! You're finished! YOU LOSE! GAME OVER.

    (Sewer Shark Game Over Credits)

    ReplyDelete
  45. @ANON MAY 10, 2010 9:44 AM
    50 bucks for the Wii version?! Really? Wow, could have fooled me. I remember those being on sale for roughly $19.99 at the local Toys R Us... and there were about 20 copies left. Not to mention the PS2 version sells for about 20-30 bucks.

    But yeah, the review was on the 360 version, not the Wii version... dumbass. (I'm sorry, but there are limits to my patience.)

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  46. "If you actually played that game you'd realize your chcacrter dies in one hit and has no health meter."

    What the fuck is a chcacrter?

    ReplyDelete
  47. @Anon MAY 10, 2010 3:39 PM
    You don't know what a...... hold on, let me cut and paste this? There we go. Let's try that again.

    You don't know what a chcacrter is? You're obviously not well versed in the ways of Borian...

    Psst! Don't worry; your secret is safe with me, I'm ignorant of those ways too.

    Seriously, I can't believe I missed that. All this time I thought he was referring to the character. Oh well.

    ReplyDelete
  48. @ dtm666

    Rainbows make me cry. ;_;

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  49. Hey Dan, i would like to thank you for this great blog, for doing rants against the most hated guy on youtube !

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anon MAY 10, 2010 3:39 PM here. I guess I should create a Google account, it's not safe anymore to be anonymous with all these trolls.

    @dtm666: Good to know I'm not the only one who doesn't know! It must be one of the most obscure words on the planet, just like "wiki" and "muscle".

    ReplyDelete
  51. @MasterofGore

    I don't know, I'd probably give that title to Fred. After all, he gets more publicity from appearing in crappy children's sitcoms, television specials, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  52. The Simpsons Video Game what a horrible disgrace to the gaming world.

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  53. @Anon MAY 10, 2010 4:46 PM
    I suggest going back to your little bunker. Shield yourself from all of these bright and wonderful rainbows that cause you to lose all emotional control.

    Wait... what?

    ReplyDelete
  54. Dude, props on the blog. It's generally quite funny and well-written. You're obviously a bright guy with a good vocab, but I've got one major complaint: you don't know the difference between "then" and "than".

    I just found this blog and I've been going through old entries, and I noticed that you consistently use "then" instead of "than" when you're making comparisons. For example, one should write "Chris Bores's ex-girlfriend has had more hands in her THAN the Muppets", but you consistently write "THEN".

    Please, please, please correct this egregious error in future entries. "THAN", not "THEN", for comparisons.

    Otherwise, enjoy the blog greatly. Keep it up!

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  55. @dtm666
    I'd try to ignore that guy. He often tries to troll this blog, turns up unsuccessful, and the claims "rainbows make him cry."
    Is this some new /b/ meme that I'm not following? I don't know and honestly I don't care.

    @Anon (May 10th 9:18 PM)
    Thank you very much.
    Yeah I know about my "than" and "then" issues, I've been working on it but sometimes I slip up.

    ReplyDelete
  56. @BatDan
    I see. I take it you don't like rainbows either. ;)

    Anyway. Moving on...

    ReplyDelete
  57. @fattoler
    I honestly don't know. I'm still sleepy.

    ReplyDelete
  58. @Anon MAY 10, 2010 3:39

    Don't worry about it. It is likely a terrible mistake by some fan of this blog who wanted to take advantage of the anonymous option to make anons who either defend the Irate Lamer or make slander at the expense of BatDan look gay or retarded, which they likely are anyway.

    Trust me when I say I apologize on his/her behalf for taking your mispelling of "character" as a would be sign of such idiots.

    I am terribly sorry.

    @everyone else
    Rainbows make Irate fanboys, anonymous internet trolls, and/or the idiots of our God-Blessed America cry like little girls.

    ReplyDelete
  59. On May 4th 2010, Bores promised a Neo review "later this week."
    It's May 11th 2010, and we have nothing.

    So once again, Bores made a false promise. He really needs to stop that.

    ReplyDelete
  60. Maybe he's taking April 31st into account...

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  61. @AngrySun86: Oh never mind! I didn't mean to offend anyone, I was only joking.

    @BatDan: Well it's not necessarily a bad thing. The last Neo review was atrocious.

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  62. Good news, everyone. (Sarcasm, people.)

    Da Bores has a new episode of IGNeo up on Gottgame.com and he "reviews" THREE games... none of them are Super Street Fighter IV, but all of them are months old already.

    Brutal Legend - Didn't really pay attention to this because Devil Bores makes an appearance and Devil Bores is the equivalent of rainbows - the kind that make people cry or something. Next.

    Tekken 6 - All the voices are in Japanese, therefore the game sucks. What follows is Bores dubbing cutscenes. As bad as it sounds. He also bitches about the praise other professional (legit) gaming sources have given the game.

    TMNT Turtles In Time Re-Shelled: Likes this version over the original because it's got perty graphics... and that's all the important bits. It's got perty graphics. Also, can anyone point out what the fuck a "racking ball" is supposed to be? Bores mentions it during the Re-Shelled 'review'.

    Also, you know how people tend to compare Bores to Michael Bay? Well... I can't be bothered to go on.

    Yeah, this is pretty terrible.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Now wait a minute batdan!
    Irate Gamer is a talented reviewer with no flawls in his grammar or spelling! He can pronounce jawls just fine! And the Genesis did come before da SNES!

    [End sarcasm]

    ReplyDelete
  64. Hey, somewhat off-topic, I know... but after I mentioned that Chris Bores once added me to his Steam friends list I thought of looking him up again to see what other friends he has.
    Well, searching Steam I wasn't able to find him, guess he's not going by "Irate Gamer" on Steam anymore (big surprise)
    I did find the "Irate Gamer Fans!" Steam group, however. I noted that the group is public, and anyone can join at any time. I Also noticed that the group has only 1 member, the administrator.
    Maybe that's him?

    ReplyDelete
  65. @dtm666
    TMNT review: I'm surprised that he didn't whine about the "missing stages" from the "original SNES version", like many people did, and decided to focus on a stupid robot.

    Tekken 6: All of the gaming footage was from the Scenario Campaign mode, there's no main arcade mode in the review.

    Brutal Legend: His major complain was the use of inappropiate sound effects, but I'm clueless about that, I never played the game, and he certainly doesn't bother in explaining shit.

    At any rate, this was just another throwaway review and it's a given that he doesn't give a crap either.

    ReplyDelete
  66. A few comments on the latest video:

    When Chris is looking for a game...he *looks* for the game. Uh...ok. Then when he says Brutal Legend, he *stares at the camera*, indicating that this was a joke. wtf?

    "You play as the main character voiced by Jack Black." Bores just really hates to name characters doesn't he.

    "I'm only about an hour into the game." *facepalm* Apparently Chris didn't see what happened to Yahtzee when he said he spent 5 hours on FFXIII.

    After the Hell observation there's a *long* pause. And again after "master plan." And again after Devil's comment. It's like increasing the font of a term paper slightly. It makes it technically longer but it's obvious and sloppy.

    "How hard is it to do audio overdubs?" Of course Chris wouldn't know that VAs cost a pretty penny.

    *Everyone says it's good but I think it sucks, therefore they're wrong!* lolwut?

    CHRIS BORES PLAYS GUILD WARS OMGGGGGG

    "This is called Turtles in Time: The Remake." When it visably says "Re-Shelled"

    "It's nice to see the subtle changes." In what world is converting a 2D game to 3D subtle?

    "When updating the original, keep the elements the same" *Logic Bomb*

    And that's just scratching the surface. Dan will have fun with this. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  67. I'm just in middle of his new NEO review at the time of writing this and I'm already pissed off at the fact that he had to use Devil Bores again, because God knows it was funny the first dozen times you've used him!

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  68. Ok, just finished watching the review and good God did it suck! There was a lot of wrong things to bash moments, a lot of hypocritical moments and just plain idiotic moments. But I think I'll wait until Dan gives his two cents because I'm sure to missed something. :)

    ReplyDelete
  69. He actually said that "all the voices in 'Tekken 6' are Japanese", even though everyone other character that's not Japanese speak their own native language (Example: Hwoarang speaks Korean. Paul speaks "English"). That's it, I may have to make an RaR style video of this once its on YouTube.

    BTW, I just found out Al Alcorn and Nolan Bushnell have Facebook accounts. Maybe they would be interested in Bores's fake game footage.

    ReplyDelete
  70. @vicviper592
    Link the video to them. Hopefully Bores gets even more flack from the pioneers and is banned from doing this series.

    As for the newest video, I have a lot to say so stay tuned.

    ReplyDelete
  71. So in Brutal Legend I play as 'Main Character'? Nice name.

    ReplyDelete
  72. He's only 1-hour into Brutal Legends ? Well, I tought the game was fun at the beginning until the game became an RTS(Or whatever you name it). The Demo was really misleading, I'm so glad I just rented that game...

    ReplyDelete
  73. I have a question...
    WHERE THE FUCK IS THE VIDEO
    The new video I can't find it was he banned from GotGAme. It isn't in my subscriptions videos on YouTube. So where is it?

    ReplyDelete
  74. It's at GottGame, with two T's.

    ReplyDelete
  75. @fattoler
    Yes, according to Chris Bores, a lot of games features a playable protagonist called "Main Character". Must be some kind of franchise I'm not aware of.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Oh god to much to cover. I think I will get a video out about this "review"

    ReplyDelete
  77. @dtm666

    My main problem with main Character is that he (or indeed she) is such a schizophrenic that I can't even remember what his (or her) original personality was like back in the Stone Ages. Although I remember something about him being a blame shifter.

    ReplyDelete
  78. Bores said Tekken 6 sucks?

    Fuck wow...

    And damn he gives such stupid reasons, I mean damn. Don't think he's even trying now.

    I wish someone would beat him with a lead pipe right now. No joke.

    ReplyDelete
  79. I personally think Tekken 6 is his worst Neo review.
    - He bashes the game for REALLY stupid reasons ("Japanese voice acting sucks so this game sucks!").
    - His "dubbing" is just painful.
    - He only talked about the scenario campaign mode.
    - He shows how much of an arrogant douchebag he is ("My opinion is absolute and anyone who thinks this game is good has been paid!")
    - He shows how much of a money whore he is ("Give me money and I'll say this is the best game ever!")

    ReplyDelete
  80. @Anonymous 10:28 AM

    He doesn't even talk about the scenario campaign mode. He just showed it but never labeled as such, but anyone that ever bothered to play any Tekken game since 3 can tell that.

    I also found kind of funny that he found on the Internet people that share his views on the game. Of course there are Tekken haters, but I don't think that many will "agree with his assessment".

    ReplyDelete
  81. @polo_sc83

    True, he showed footage of this mode like it was the only one Tekken 6 had. It's like buying Super Smash Bros Brawl and only playing the subspace emissary mode...

    You can use this excuse with every game/movie/comic book/TV series/food that exist. "Some people on the Internet don't like it therefore it sucks!"

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  82. You know I could post his shitty "Tekken 6" review on SRK.com and Tekkenzaibatsu.com and see what happens, but I'll wait til its out on Youtube.

    "Japanese voice acting sucks so this game sucks!"

    I find this comment very offensive. Not only its a stupid reason to hate the game, but it could offend Japanese people. I wonder if NicoNicoDouga ever post his shitty reviews?

    @BatDan

    Please delete my last post. I tried to reword what I said, but didn't know it was copied twice.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Do it vic. When it arrives to YouTube, I want to see the Tekken fans tear it apart.

    ReplyDelete
  84. @ Anonymous 11:01 AM
    But I think it's a first for Bores: he needed to "appeal" to some negative opinions in order to "prove a point". Normally he just says that the game sucks and calls it a day without caring about the people he pisses off.

    And I quote, since he does a poor job of doing so.

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  85. "He starts complaining about the camera angles, how they never help him, and cause him to die too often." It's not the camera angles problem,as I already played it. BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DUMB! Irate gamer!

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  86. Okay, looking at the Lucky Charms rant, it's a lot more retarded that you make it out to be. Why? Simple.

    1. There were only two marshmallows removed: Blue Diamonds and Yellow Moons, which seemed to have combined into the Blue Moons.
    2. The new shapes he complains about are: Pots of gold, Rainbows, and Clovers (the green hats). The problem? Those are all part of the mythology of the leprachaun. You know, like the FUCKING MASCOT OF THE WHOLE GODDAMN CEREAL?!? God, you fill me with such anger, Bores!

    ReplyDelete
  87. @Megafighter3
    Yeah, the Breakfast Rants are ungodly idiotic. Describing them in text can't do it justice, you have to see them to understand.

    ReplyDelete