Friday, January 8, 2016

Awful Tech Reviews That Even the Fans Hate. Ouch!

I was going to wait for another video to add onto this. But I’ve been told that this tech review is particularly bad. More so than usual.
Checking the video, there is waaay more dislikes than likes. At 9 minutes 18 seconds, I sense a lot of pain.

We open once again on Chris at his wobbly table. First item he’s going to look at is the Blaze Tablet from Funstock.co.uk. Looking it up, the full product name is the Blaze Tab Android Retro Gaming Tablet. It costs 100 GBP (that’s about $145 US, fuck that noise).
Funstock sent it to him. Guru Larry told me they send stuff to him too so Chris isn’t so special. Still, I wish these companies would actually research Bores before sending him free shit.
Wow, this tablet looks ugly as sin.
When he mentions the non-compatible European adapter, there’s a cutaway to him holding it up and looking “angry”. Was there supposed to be sound there?
What makes this tablet “special” is that the emulators are built right in. Hooray for piracy!
He shows the different consoles, then he shows the SNES part which is labeled SFC for Super Famicom. Chris states “It’s the European version so they call it the Super Famicom” …. God you’re stupid. Chris, they called it the SNES in the UK and the rest of the Europe. The only place that called the Super Famicom was Japan! I don’t know why the tablet calls it the Super Famicom, but it’s not because the UK calls it that. And this is someone that thinks he’s an authority on video game history.

There’s also Dreamcast games. Wow they must run like shit on that thing.
After mentioning PS1, he condenses it down to “Nintendo games and Sega games”. Checking their site, it allegedly plays (copy pasting from them) “PS1, MAME, Dreamcast, N64, NeoGeo, Atari, NES, SNES, Gameboy, Gameboy Colour, Gameboy Advance, SEGA Master System, SEGA Mega Drive, CPS1, CPS2, Amiga, Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum and many more!” So it’s not just “Nintendo and Sega”. But what do you expect from Bores?
He couldn’t figure out how to change the menu. Read the manual? It more than likely came with a manual.
He reveals he added Kirby’s Dream Land 3 and Tetris & Dr. Mario ROMs to it. Yay piracy!
He goes on and on about using USB, and being unable to figure out how to add ROMs with an SD card. Blah blah blah.
Oh, apparently there’s no manual. Well in that case, maybe you should Google the info, or ask Funstock themselves. By acting this ignorant, all you’re doing is making their product look bad and they will refuse to work with you in the future.

He demonstrates Super Mario Kart. Zzzzz.
“God it’s been forever since I played this game” I don’t believe you.
He claims it’s on par with the real thing. Perhaps, but when you get to PS1, Dreamcast, and Arcade titles, that’s where the holes will likely show. See, a real tech review would cover all the available emulators. But nooo Chris is all “muh nostalgia”
He mentions how you can minimize the game and return to the main screen. Chris, that’s available in most Android products, it’s not a feature exclusive to this. Also, there’s a really bad cut that happens in the middle of a sentence. You can hear it clearly too. How amateur is this?!

He moves onto N64, starts playing Pokemon Snap (and a bunch of Pokemon fans just got annoyed). He starts going on about how he didn’t like the N64 because the games were all 3D and that the 3D was bad. … Are you serious? A good chunk of the N64 games were pretty good 3D. Super Mario 64, Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask, Banjo Kazooie and Tooie, Star Fox 64, a lot of games were actually well-made. You’re sounding like an idiot when you say that (or Movieblob)
He compares the screen to GBA and DS. … You’re comparing a product that came out late 2015 to products that came out in 2001 and 2004. You should be comparing to similar tablets. Compare it to other Android tables, or the iPad, something more recent you hack! Not to mention that GBA and DS were not built for emulation, like this tablet claims to be.

I just noticed that the right analog stick looks broken. What the hell? Did it come shipped like that? How about pointing that out Chris?
Nope, instead he’s going to play the Arcade version of Donkey Kong. Notice that the arcade games he added (the ones without pictures) are old ass ones? Burger Time, Q*Bert, Star Wars (likely the old vector graphics one), Centipede, Toobin’, wait what the hell is Dondokdj? Is that meant to be Donkey Kong Jr? How the hell do you mess that up?
“I’ve got Donkey Kong in here, a game I reviewed recently” We know! Man he is such a shill.
Of course the game runs well. How about showing something more advanced than 1981? Something that pushes Arcade limits. Anyone with a toaster can run Donkey Kong. Hell, it’s perfectly playable in Donkey Kong 64.
His other ROMs don’t work. That sounds like your fault Chris. Maybe you should have found better ROMs.

Shows a PS1 shooter. Not something cool like Final Fantasy or original Spyro, nooo just some vertical scrolling shooter that probably runs really easily. You suck at this Chris.
Oh, he finally points out the broken analog stick. “It shipped to me broken, it may ship to you broken” Welp, Funstock is never going to give you anything again. You should have asked them for a replacement! Though like I said, Funstock really should have done research into Chris. All those companies should, they don’t realize how incompetent he is.

Seriously, where’s the battery life? Where’s the specs? Is the touch screen responsive compared to other tablets? Why not show off the other features other than the emulators? You can’t do tech reviews Chris, you’re utterly incompetent! People, look elsewhere if you want to hear about tech.

Bad news. It’s not the end of the video. There’s another product. Hopefully it won’t be as painful since there’s less than 3 minutes left in the video.

It’s a set of headphones sent to him by 1byone. Again? Did they not learn their lesson?
“These headphones have pluses and minuses” … Someone that has been “reviewing” for almost 9 years actually said this. Holy fuck!
Blah blah blah…
“You put them in your ears” THANKS, I NEVER WOULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT!
It cuts to him “rocking out” with the earphones on. They’re not even plugged into anything! He looks like a crazy person doing that.
“They work really well with cell phones” No shit, they’re Bluetooth. Bluetooth works very well with cell phones.
He shows how to charge them. Okay, how long do they last?
Apparently the volume isn’t good enough because he can still hear the lawnmower when he mows the lawn. Lawnmowers are loud Chris, even with the best headphones you’re always going to hear a little bit of it, especially when you’re right next to it! I mean, if you’re inside and someone is mowing the lawn and you can still hear it with those headphones, then yeah that’s bad. But you’re right there doing the chore!

“I’ve got a big head” Ya don’t say.
At the end, he shills the sites, including Funstock for the Blaze Tablet. Why? Didn’t you say the tablet sucked? Whatever…

What a dumb dumb dumb video. I hope he stops doing tech reviews because he’s even more ignorant about tech than he is about games. The dislikes really reflect that people hated it and he should really stop.

One more bit of news! Chris has a new merch site.
http://shop.spreadshirt.com/irategamer/
As you can see, you can get a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, a mug, a poster, a tote bag, or a phone case for stupidly high prices with one of four Irate Gamer designs. Including his logo, the 8-Bit Season 3 DVD cover, the overly-crowded Season 4 DVD cover, and an image of Bores, Ronnie and Devil Bores “rocking out”. Jeez, Bores really loved that fucking montage. Then again, Scooby-Doo seems to appeal to him hard considering he did it all the way back in 2004 with that Back to the Past video.
My informant told me that Chris claimed he was working on this for a long time. Why are you constantly lying Chris? All you did was send images to Spreadshirt and they put the images on whatever merch you wanted to sell. It’s the same thing as Cafepress. You didn’t do shit Chris.

We’re barely into 2016 and things are already rough.

49 comments:

  1. I can't imagine how 2016 will fare for Bores with these tech videos. They're on par with Skylanders and ghost videos for him. Considering how 2015 went...

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  2. such a terrible review.

    The headphone was just atrocious. It's like he'd never used bluetooth headphones before.

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  3. holy shit

    26 bucks for an Ipad Case?

    18 bucks for an IG iron on shirt?

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  4. Well, 2016 is already looking to top 2015 in badness from the word go. Seriously; insulting the N64 and the bulk of its games are fighting words where I come from, given how Ocarina of Time is my all-time favorite game; I consider Pokémon Snap to be an underrated gem (I am among many that desire a sequel with all the monsters), and I'm also enjoying M-rated fare that I wasn't able to play when I was younger; like Perfect Dark and Conker's Bad Fur Day. The canyons in research are now so big; I half expect kaiju to start coming out of them. If he "reviews" an N64 game for real (and not just a bad one like that really crappy South Park game); I can assure you it would be Castlevania times 2,356. Above all, however; this abysmal review is one of the many reasons why I've been resisting the tablet craze (though I have been impressed with the many ways developers have been using the Wii U Gamepad); and Boring Man has done nothing to change my mind about that. Be seeing you guys around; my 24th birthday is Sunday, my plans are to have dinner with my family and go see Star Wars for the third time. Hope this Year of the Monkey will turn out well for me. Until then: Smash Bros. Amiibo training with Cap'n Lou (Modern Pixel Mario); Charles (Classic Pixel Mario), and Ai (Mewtwo)!

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    1. While I'll agree that the N64 didn't have as big and as great of a library as the NES and SNES did, there were many great games on there. One of my favorites was Shadows of the Empire.

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    2. Yep, to this day; I'm impressed with how faithfully they recreated the battle of Hoth, which later became a staple of many subsequent Star Wars games. Also, while I have mixed feelings towards Disney only making the movies and Clone Wars shows canon as they work on their EU; I still consider Dash Rendar to be an utter badass, and his ship; the Outrun, is every bit as cool as the Millennium Falcon in my book.

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  5. A lot of the Irate Gamer products have a border around them. You could argue he was going for a box art look but that just looks sloppy... as if he just copied and pasted the image with no attempt to blend the image with the background. Since Chris cares so much about visuals you'd think he would pay more attention to things like that. I could be nitpicking it too much and yes, I am aware that other companies do it with NES themed shirts.

    I wonder what Nintendo thinks of their logo on his season 3 merchandise.

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    Replies
    1. least those shirts are cheaper than bores' atrocities

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    2. The two sweatshirt designs are two different prices, the two mug designs are two different prices, and the two poster designs are two different prices. And there are two prices among the many T-shirt designs.

      And speaking of insane prices, flowcharts of the afterlife ain't cheap: his book's up to $16.48 on Amazon, marking only a 92% savings over the list price of $199.99.

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    3. The sweatshirt with the boxart looks the absolute worst. I'm sure any kid who gets caught wearing it will be bullied.

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  6. Replies
    1. she said she wasn't gonna come here anymore.

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  7. "He moves onto N64, starts playing Pokemon Snap (and a bunch of Pokemon fans just got annoyed). He starts going on about how he didn’t like the N64 because the games were all 3D and that the 3D was bad."


    OOHHHH FFFFUUUUCCCCKKKKKK YYYOOOOUUU, BORES!!!! >:(

    I'm sorry I snapped like that but that one statement pissed me off enough.

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  8. Replies
    1. It isn't if you already own the games. Even then, distribution of bios for emulation is illegal.

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    1. It's Lego Dimensions. At this point, I'm now certain he's doing this just to dick with BatDan.

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    2. Yeah, it's like he has to put out something ASAP heh.
      To be fair, I think this is Chris' most informative review, dare I say, ever?

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  10. I don't like this tablet that Bores is showing. Besides the broken analog stick, the games on this tablet are all pirated and run on emulators. Reminds me too much of the Ouya.

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    1. Oh yeah, one more thing. His merchandise looks like shit. I don't even think they're real products because take a closer look at the IG hoodie. The picture is photoshop-pasted over the strings! And the smartphone covers looks dreadful. The image doesn't cover the whole thing. I've seen anime covers look better than this because the images does cover the entire case!

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    2. You are SO wrong. In the second tab of the homescreen, you can see that there are actually Android games that don't require emulators. Also, Ouya could play a lot of Android games.

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  11. 26 fucking dollars for a crappy IG phone case?!

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  12. Honestly, the review of the tablet, while still not high or even average quality, is one of the best reviews he has done to date:

    He shows the box
    He shows the tablet
    He shows how to charge it and warns you that you would need a different power adapter if you live in the US
    He shows the interface
    He shows (albeit briefly) that is has normal Android apps, normal games, as well as emulators
    He tells you that there is no manual and that it may be difficult to put games on it (mayor negatives!)
    He shows a few emulated games
    He shows that you can add credits in arcade games and shows you how to do it, which is something I would want to know before buying the tablet for those games.
    He doesn't seem (only) positive about the tablet, which is one of the first time where he doesn't just say " it's great"

    Errors you have missed:
    2:35 mini sd card? you need a micro sd
    5:05 You say " off course the games run well", but you fail to mention that he doesn't have sound for whatever reason.
    He shows the ports on top of the tablet but because of bad lighting they are very hard to see. He also doesn't mention HDMI for example.
    "After mentioning PS1, he condenses it down to “Nintendo games and Sega games”."
    Not really, he is just saying that he doesn't know how to add other systems and games from those systems like Nintendo and Sega. This would not be the place to list every console the tablet supports.

    As I said, there are still more than enough negatives, so it's still not a good review and he is still worse than basically every reviewer that exists, but why would this be worse than his other reviews?

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  13. That font he uses for the shirts looks really cruddy.

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  14. "You’re sounding like an idiot when you say that (or Movieblob)".

    or Egoraptor.

    But anyway, I'm no expert in business, but aren't the prices he's charging highter than a standard product of that same object? It's proof that he just wants money. Also, it doesn't surprise me that he does something that the fans hate; don't forget, he admitted that he made these videos for just himself.
    -_-

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  15. Can you rename your posted videos on Youtube? 'Cause I just noticed Bores' E3 'coverage' videos, particularly Mario Kart's, is named:
    'Mario Kart 8 Wii-U E3 2013 Review Coverage Interview Preview'. 'Review', 'Coverage Interview' AND 'Preview', I thought I remembered him just calling them 'Coverage Interview Review's.

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  16. Totally off topic, but it looks like my prediction for Force Awakens was pretty much correct - The first couple nights it would be released, everyone would be praising it as the absolute best movie ever made, but give it a couple weeks at least to sink in and everyone will be nitpicking it to death. Well, that's exactly what's happening now. I even saw a fan petition on Facebook to bring George Lucas back to direct VIII an IX.

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    1. You've got to be kidding me. I thought that people still thinks that Lucas will never makes Star Wars good again after the prequels!

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    2. Personally, I just got back from my third viewing for my 24th birthday a little while ago; and I thought that it was still a great movie and a fun homage to the original trilogy. I think Rian Johnson is more than qualified to do Episode VIII; given how he's written and directed quite a few episodes of Breaking Bad (including one of the last and best episodes, "Ozymandias"). I can expect a darker tone in the vein of The Empire Strikes Back from him. As for Colin Trevorrow being at the helm of Episode IX: he made quite a few Star Wars references in the underrated gem Safety Not Guaranteed; and successfully made the transition to big-budget action fare with Jurassic World (which was the biggest hit of 2015 until Episode VII came out). I'm confident there will be a lot to talk about for better or for worse. As I type this in my faux-vintage Star Wars shirt, I say: bring on Rogue One.

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  17. OMG, Dan, I watched that review after many, many moons away from IG, and I must say, he didn't change one iota. Is he still dressing up as his mother and running around the motel with a big ass knife?!

    I actually confronted him about this review, which pretty much stated "This item is cool, because it's cool." He made some bullshit comment about how he didn't know what else to say about it. I should have said something about that wobbly ass table he has.

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  18. Loving the slams against Moviebob's childish idiocy. Please keep them up.

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    1. Bob Chipman, a very arrogant, cynical, narcissistic, possibly sociopathic online critic.

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    2. Oh....okay. I see. Is he cool with Irate Gamer? I know Joe Vargas (aka Angry Joe) and Chris Bores are both sociopaths. Noah Antweiler aka Spoony One may be one too. Thanks James!!

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    3. Also, from what I heard, he is outright biased towards anything related to Nintendo or even Japan. And by that I mean he endlessly shills them.
      -_-

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    4. Heck, if I may continue, he prefers Other M over Metroid Prime. That's perfectly normal (I prefer the Prime series, but everyone's entitled to their opinions). What isn't normal is that he prefers Other M solely because it was made in Japan. And that's only one example.
      ^-^

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    5. And he hates the Prime games because they're FPS. That's the only reason why; he doesn't discuss any other merits, he just automatically hates them because they're FPS.

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    6. I reread about that after I posted my earlier comment. My point is that he refuses to find any flaws with Other M. On that subject, while I do respect that they tried to show another side to Samus, they did it in the worst way possible. Also, the gameplay was alright, but I'd rather play any of the other games.
      -_-

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  19. Someone told me the irate gamer for Movie reviews is Erod The Blockbuster buster is that true? (Sorry If I already wrote this before I just wanted to post this to the recent post and the new one just post up so I will leave this here I just want to know the answer to my question

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    1. Erod The Blockbuster Buster? You mean Emer Provist aka Hellsing920?

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    2. no but who is it and you ever heard of Erod?

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    3. Never heard of the guy. Sorry. He must be relatively unknown if I haven't heard of him.

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    4. Hes got a fan club called the legion of bad ass a tube

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    5. Erod? Naw, I wouldn't say he's as bad as Bores is. I mean, he kinda fucks up a few times, and is one of those "sketch" reviwers, but for the most part, he actually does research on what he's reviewing.

      If you take out his sketch shit, the reviews are decent (again, for the most part). But that's just me.

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    6. Dang, Lynn, a Hellsing920 reference in 2016?! You HAVE been away a long time! :)

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    7. he does need to sort out his pateron page

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  20. Correction: Donkey Kong 64, quite bizarrely, had the best home port of Donkey Kong for at least a decade. It was by far the most accurate, and it actually had all of the levels; there was an updated version of the NES one released on certain Wiis at some point that probably is better if you just want to play Donkey Kong (it even has the "tubs of sand" level that everyone calls the pie level.

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