I was going to wait for another video to add onto this. But I’ve been told that this tech review is particularly bad. More so than usual.
Checking the video, there is waaay more dislikes than likes. At 9 minutes 18 seconds, I sense a lot of pain.
We open once again on Chris at his wobbly table. First item he’s going to look at is the Blaze Tablet from Funstock.co.uk. Looking it up, the full product name is the Blaze Tab Android Retro Gaming Tablet. It costs 100 GBP (that’s about $145 US, fuck that noise).
Funstock sent it to him. Guru Larry told me they send stuff to him too so Chris isn’t so special. Still, I wish these companies would actually research Bores before sending him free shit.
Wow, this tablet looks ugly as sin.
When he mentions the non-compatible European adapter, there’s a cutaway to him holding it up and looking “angry”. Was there supposed to be sound there?
What makes this tablet “special” is that the emulators are built right in. Hooray for piracy!
He shows the different consoles, then he shows the SNES part which is labeled SFC for Super Famicom. Chris states “It’s the European version so they call it the Super Famicom” …. God you’re stupid. Chris, they called it the SNES in the UK and the rest of the Europe. The only place that called the Super Famicom was Japan! I don’t know why the tablet calls it the Super Famicom, but it’s not because the UK calls it that. And this is someone that thinks he’s an authority on video game history.
There’s also Dreamcast games. Wow they must run like shit on that thing.
After mentioning PS1, he condenses it down to “Nintendo games and Sega games”. Checking their site, it allegedly plays (copy pasting from them) “PS1, MAME, Dreamcast, N64, NeoGeo, Atari, NES, SNES, Gameboy, Gameboy Colour, Gameboy Advance, SEGA Master System, SEGA Mega Drive, CPS1, CPS2, Amiga, Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum and many more!” So it’s not just “Nintendo and Sega”. But what do you expect from Bores?
He couldn’t figure out how to change the menu. Read the manual? It more than likely came with a manual.
He reveals he added Kirby’s Dream Land 3 and Tetris & Dr. Mario ROMs to it. Yay piracy!
He goes on and on about using USB, and being unable to figure out how to add ROMs with an SD card. Blah blah blah.
Oh, apparently there’s no manual. Well in that case, maybe you should Google the info, or ask Funstock themselves. By acting this ignorant, all you’re doing is making their product look bad and they will refuse to work with you in the future.
He demonstrates Super Mario Kart. Zzzzz.
“God it’s been forever since I played this game” I don’t believe you.
He claims it’s on par with the real thing. Perhaps, but when you get to PS1, Dreamcast, and Arcade titles, that’s where the holes will likely show. See, a real tech review would cover all the available emulators. But nooo Chris is all “muh nostalgia”
He mentions how you can minimize the game and return to the main screen. Chris, that’s available in most Android products, it’s not a feature exclusive to this. Also, there’s a really bad cut that happens in the middle of a sentence. You can hear it clearly too. How amateur is this?!
He moves onto N64, starts playing Pokemon Snap (and a bunch of Pokemon fans just got annoyed). He starts going on about how he didn’t like the N64 because the games were all 3D and that the 3D was bad. … Are you serious? A good chunk of the N64 games were pretty good 3D. Super Mario 64, Ocarina of Time and Majora’s Mask, Banjo Kazooie and Tooie, Star Fox 64, a lot of games were actually well-made. You’re sounding like an idiot when you say that (or Movieblob)
He compares the screen to GBA and DS. … You’re comparing a product that came out late 2015 to products that came out in 2001 and 2004. You should be comparing to similar tablets. Compare it to other Android tables, or the iPad, something more recent you hack! Not to mention that GBA and DS were not built for emulation, like this tablet claims to be.
I just noticed that the right analog stick looks broken. What the hell? Did it come shipped like that? How about pointing that out Chris?
Nope, instead he’s going to play the Arcade version of Donkey Kong. Notice that the arcade games he added (the ones without pictures) are old ass ones? Burger Time, Q*Bert, Star Wars (likely the old vector graphics one), Centipede, Toobin’, wait what the hell is Dondokdj? Is that meant to be Donkey Kong Jr? How the hell do you mess that up?
“I’ve got Donkey Kong in here, a game I reviewed recently” We know! Man he is such a shill.
Of course the game runs well. How about showing something more advanced than 1981? Something that pushes Arcade limits. Anyone with a toaster can run Donkey Kong. Hell, it’s perfectly playable in Donkey Kong 64.
His other ROMs don’t work. That sounds like your fault Chris. Maybe you should have found better ROMs.
Shows a PS1 shooter. Not something cool like Final Fantasy or original Spyro, nooo just some vertical scrolling shooter that probably runs really easily. You suck at this Chris.
Oh, he finally points out the broken analog stick. “It shipped to me broken, it may ship to you broken” Welp, Funstock is never going to give you anything again. You should have asked them for a replacement! Though like I said, Funstock really should have done research into Chris. All those companies should, they don’t realize how incompetent he is.
Seriously, where’s the battery life? Where’s the specs? Is the touch screen responsive compared to other tablets? Why not show off the other features other than the emulators? You can’t do tech reviews Chris, you’re utterly incompetent! People, look elsewhere if you want to hear about tech.
Bad news. It’s not the end of the video. There’s another product. Hopefully it won’t be as painful since there’s less than 3 minutes left in the video.
It’s a set of headphones sent to him by 1byone. Again? Did they not learn their lesson?
“These headphones have pluses and minuses” … Someone that has been “reviewing” for almost 9 years actually said this. Holy fuck!
Blah blah blah…
“You put them in your ears” THANKS, I NEVER WOULD HAVE FIGURED THAT OUT!
It cuts to him “rocking out” with the earphones on. They’re not even plugged into anything! He looks like a crazy person doing that.
“They work really well with cell phones” No shit, they’re Bluetooth. Bluetooth works very well with cell phones.
He shows how to charge them. Okay, how long do they last?
Apparently the volume isn’t good enough because he can still hear the lawnmower when he mows the lawn. Lawnmowers are loud Chris, even with the best headphones you’re always going to hear a little bit of it, especially when you’re right next to it! I mean, if you’re inside and someone is mowing the lawn and you can still hear it with those headphones, then yeah that’s bad. But you’re right there doing the chore!
“I’ve got a big head” Ya don’t say.
At the end, he shills the sites, including Funstock for the Blaze Tablet. Why? Didn’t you say the tablet sucked? Whatever…
What a dumb dumb dumb video. I hope he stops doing tech reviews because he’s even more ignorant about tech than he is about games. The dislikes really reflect that people hated it and he should really stop.
One more bit of news! Chris has a new merch site.
As you can see, you can get a t-shirt, a sweatshirt, a mug, a poster, a tote bag, or a phone case for stupidly high prices with one of four Irate Gamer designs. Including his logo, the 8-Bit Season 3 DVD cover, the overly-crowded Season 4 DVD cover, and an image of Bores, Ronnie and Devil Bores “rocking out”. Jeez, Bores really loved that fucking montage. Then again, Scooby-Doo seems to appeal to him hard considering he did it all the way back in 2004 with that Back to the Past video.
My informant told me that Chris claimed he was working on this for a long time. Why are you constantly lying Chris? All you did was send images to Spreadshirt and they put the images on whatever merch you wanted to sell. It’s the same thing as Cafepress. You didn’t do shit Chris.
We’re barely into 2016 and things are already rough.